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“Why are y’all draggin’ me to The Asteroid Belt?” Titan asked his three partners, Titania, Ganymede, and Europa.
“You’ll see!” All three of them responded.
“Oh no…I know that tone!” Titan blushed, “Are y’all gonna chain me up?”
Europa sighed, “Sadly, no…It’s not that type of surprise, Titan!”
“So then why are we…” He trailed off, there was a party inside The Asteroid Belt—A baby themed party.
“What the absolute fuck is this?”
“Guys! The guests of honor are here!” Luna shouted, he approached Titan, “Welcome to your surprise baby shower! I am your host, Luna De La Tierra!” He passed out baby bottles to the four of them, “Here are your baby bottles! Now go ahead and mingle with the others while we wait for the cake and pizza to arrive!”
Titan sent a glare of death to his partners, “I should’ve known y’all bitches would pull this!”
“Hey, it was Luna’s idea, not ours!” Said Ganymede.
Titan turned back to Luna, “Of course! Who else?” He scoffed, “I’m leavin’.” He turned to leave but Luna grabbed his arm and made him turn back around, one of his eyes were black which indicated that Dark was in control with him. A disturbing smile was on Luna’s face as spoke, “We spent so much time putting this together, so you are going to stay here! And you are going to enjoy it!”
Callisto spoke from the side, “Yeah Titan, Luna worked hard on this. Do not piss him off.”
Titania was holding Titan’s hand, “Yeahh…Come on, it’s just a fun party!”
“What’s fun about everyone pretending I’m pregnant?” Titan noticed Dione who was snacking on some baby carrots and chatting with Tethys. “YOU!!!” He shouted.
“Oh shit…” Dione avoided eye contact as Titan approached her, Tethys quickly got out of there.
“This is all your fault!!!”
Dione got up from her seat, “Hey, you also were drunk enough to believe you were pregnant too! We have it all on camera!”
Mimas decided to join in, “How is little Teagan doing in there?” He poked at Titan’s stomach.
“Guys, go easy on him!” Said Tethys.
“Too late, he’s already proven himself to be easy!”
Titan proceeded to strangle the shit out of Mimas.
“AU-AUGH-AUCK-AHH—”
Tethys shook his head, “I tried to warn you, Mimas…”
“Yeah Mime, don’t you know pregnant people can become extremely violent?” Enceladus joked. Titan let go of Mimas, the smallest Major moon caught his breath before he spoke again, “F-fuck you, Ensalada!”
Enceladus gasped dramatically, “YOU BITCH!!!” His voice went extremely high.
And then for some reason Spider-Man showed up?
“Delivery for…Titan?”
“Well, he certainly will be delivering.” Iapetus deadpanned.
“Not you too, Pete!” Shouted Tethys.
Luna walked over to take the boxes, “Earth, why the fuck are you dressed like Spiderman?”
Earth took off the mask, “I thought it’d be funny! God!!!” He shoved the boxes into Luna’s hands, “Here, take your pizzas and cake. I worked very hard on that cake, Luna! You’re welcome! Now if you excuse me, I need to get back to my orbit before my Earthlings die.” He put the mask back on, “Spidey out!” He did a backflip and slammed right into a smaller asteroid.
“…That was…part of the move!”
“Idiot…” Luna shook his head in disappointment. He turned around, “Hey guys, Pizza and cake’s here!”
“Finally!”
Luna set down the cake carefully, “Now we have to leave it for later since we need to do the activities first!” He took out The Board.
“YOU’RE USIN’ MY BOARD AGAIN!?” Titan was not happy.
“IT WAS MINE FIRST!!!” Ganymede shouted.
“TOO BAD, YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE ABANDONED IT!”
“ABANDONED!? I WAS BANISHED!!!”
“OKAY!!!” Luna yelled over both of them, “Save the lover’s quarrel for later! Now, we are going to play a few games!”
“TITAN WAI—AUCK!!”
“DO YOU WANNA WIN OR NOT!?”
The game was one person had to feed baby food to the other person, and whoever finished first wins.
“YES, I WANNA WIN BUT THIS TASTE HORRIBLE!!!” Ganymede was not enjoying the baby mush that Titan was force feeding him—He was however enjoying the pink Baby Bonnet he was wearing from another game that he refused to take off.
Luna was watching from the side, munching on those little baby cookies as he watched the timer. “Aaaand…Time!” He got up to check all the bowls, “Hmm…Hmmm…Interesting…Oh wow, yours is still full! Hmm…” He stopped, “Well, looks like Team Titanymede wins!”
With that being said, Ganymede slammed his hands down to make the baby bowl fly right into Titan’s face, “Choo Choo on that, bitch!”
They all jumped at the sound of a balloon popping.
“AH!!!” Luna covered his ears, “Too loud!” Yes, Luna has a fear of balloons, that’s why there were no balloons in the decorations—But the balloons were used in the other game that was being played by a few other moons.
Tethys was holding a piece of the balloon, “I popped my baby…”
Okay, so the game that was being played was, you had to put a balloon under your shirt to simulate pregnancy while also doing stuff, and if the balloon pops or you give up, you lose.
“Titania, help me! My ribbon fell off and I can’t bend down to get it!” Shouted Europa. “What makes you think I can get it?! I can’t bend down either!”
“Well you’re shorter! It’s not like you have to move down much!”
“Are you both dumb?” Dione shook her head, “Just use your gravity to pick it up!”
“Ohhh…” Titania facepalmed, “I guess Pregnancy Brain is real…”
Luna approached them, “Well time is up so it looks like we have three winners! Europa, Titania, and Dione!”
“Can we just cut the cake and get this bullshit over with already!?” Titan snapped at Luna.
“Mood swings…” Rhea whispered to Tethys. “Rhea…” Tethys sighed, “Seriously, why are you all being so mean?”
Luna put his hands up, “Sheesh! Keep your panties on, Titan! …Poor choice of words, you never can seem to keep your panties on!” Luna joked, he noticed Titan’s eye twitching and sighed. “Okay fine…But just one more activity!”
“What?” Titan growled.
Luna took out a baby doll, “A little game I like to call ‘Yeet The Child!’” He beamed, “This one, I was inspired by how Brides toss the bouquet at the end of a wedding on Earth. So Titan will toss the baby behind him, and whoever catches it will be the next one to ‘Get Pregnant’!” He gestured his hands, “Now, everyone get behind Titan…Oh, very poor choice of words…”
Everyone moved behind Titan anyway, except Luna since he chose not to participate in this. He gave the baby doll to Titan.
Titan sighed, “Well…The sooner the better…” He threw the baby doll behind him.
“CATCH IT! CATCH IT!”
“YOU CATCH IT!!!”
“IT’S MINE!!!”
“MINE!!!”
To everyone’s surprise, it was caught carefully by Triton who now started rocking the baby doll on pure instinct. “Sh…Shh…Wait, you’re not real…”
“WELL, LOOKS LIKE I’M HOSTING CALLISTO AND TRITON’S BABY SHOWER!!!”
Callisto chuckled, “Thanks for choosing to carry the baby for me, Triton!” She joked.
“…My dumbass thought this was a real baby for a moment there.”
“Aww, wouldn’t make a great father?” Europa gushed, “So lucky, Callie!”
Titan was still a grump, “Are we done yet?”
“The cake!” Shouted Titania.
“AH FUCK, THE CAKE!” Luna ran to get the box that had the cake, “Earth said he baked and decorated this cake and that we better enjoy it!” He opened the box.
It was a two-tier cake vanilla frosted cake with purple ruffles and several edible adorable little teddy bears, bunnies, and ducklings. There was also an edible pastel train and a baby carriage. And golden stars adorned the top where it said “Congrats Titan!” With what appeared to be a Chocolate ball decorated to look like the actual Titan Moon.
Titan shook his head, “I can’t believe you got Earth to make this…”
“It’s beautiful!” Titania commented, “It looks almost too good to eat, Earth made all of this?”
Luna nodded, “Yep! When Earth isn’t getting drunk, freaky, or high, his healthy coping mechanism is to make cakes. Don’t ask me where he gets an oven from, I don’t fucking know.” He picked up the knife, “So I’ll cut the cake and tell you what it is.”
Luna carefully sliced the cake on put it on a plate, giving it to Titan, “It’s a girl!!!” He shouted.
“OUR TEAGAN IS A GIRL!!! WOO-HOO!!!” Europa cheered.
Rhea threw pink confetti, “IT’S A GIRL!!!”
“Yes! We win, this Solar System needs more girls!”
“FEMINISM WINS!!!”
Ganymede was also cheering, “WE’RE GIRL DADS!!!”
Titan shook his head, “I fuckin’ hate this Solar System…” He grumbled.