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Izaya was going about his day, framing people for crimes and terrorizing suicidal young adults. Then, he noticed his head was feeling a little bit itchy, but he ignored it because he didn’t want to think about it in the midst of such chaos. He vaguely recalled Izumii scratching his head a lot, but he ignored it. Izumii tended to be a bit pungent.
After a few days, Izaya can’t even think. His scalp burns and his nails and hair are caked in blood. He tries to push down the pain, as he does with everything else, but the itching is unbearable. His schemes are stilted and his observations are lacking.
On the third day, Izaya scratched at his scalp and was disgusted by what he saw…
Fuck. I have lice.
At this very moment, Izaya decided to put this to rest. He would not allow these parasites to feed on him any longer. They aren’t even human, after all. Izaya beelined for the apartment of the underground doctor he knew; his only friend. He knocked on the door, announcing presence, but no one answered. Izaya made a noise of discontent while crossing his arms and pouting. He assumed Celty and Shinra were having some torrid affair on a wondrous vacation which Shinra didn’t even bother to tell him about. What a lousy friend!
Izaya’s knuckles were raw after nearly a half-hour of knocking. He was about to give up when Shinra finally emerged from his shower and opened the door. He was clad in his iconic white lab coat that Izaya was so fond of overtop of a simple white t-shirt and athletic shorts. His hair was still wet, which Izaya made a mental note of. It was rare for Izaya to see Shinra dressed so casually. He figured that was only reserved for his beloved…
The second Izaya gazed into Shinra’s clinical eyes, the name of the parasite halted in his throat.
“I… have a problem,” Izaya forced out.
“Spit it out, Orihara-kun. I don’t have all day,” Shinra replies while ushering Izaya into his apartment.
“Don’t worry, it’s not like you will lose your license or anything,” Izaya bites back.
Shinra has him sit down on the couch before leaving to grab a glass of water.
As always, his bedside manner is impeccable…
Shinra sits down on the armchair across from him, leaving plenty of space.
“Well, if you aren’t going to tell me, I guess I’ll have to guess!” Shinra threatened. “Digestive issues? STDs? Parasites?”
Izaya flinches at the word parasites.
Shinra narrows his eyes, “Oh, what kind? Is it bedbugs? Those can be a real pain… I hope you didn’t track any into my house.”
“No…”
“Although, tapeworms can be brutal. That might make sense, though…”
“No!” Izaya raises his voice, offended at the idea.
“I guess it could be… lice?” Shinra asks lightly, but there is sharpness in his eyes.
Izaya averts his gaze.
“Oh, so it’s lice? You’re lucky that Celty doesn’t have hair, otherwise I would have to enact a temporary ban on you coming into my apartment…”
“Alright, alright, can you help me with it or not!”
“Don’t worry… I have exactly what you need,” Shinra declared, standing up and brushing off his spotless lab coat and walking off.
Shinra came back with a small plastic container with worn tape on top, labeled “Shingen.” He opened it to reveal some creams and fine metal combs.
“That cream won’t make me bald, right…” Izaya questioned, knowing to never underestimate Shinra’s sadistic streak.
“Hopefully!” Shinra cheered.
Shinra rummaged through his living room closet and brought out a folding metal chair, which he led Izaya to. Shinra grabbed some sort of cape similar to those hairdressers used, though it seemed medical in this case.
After skillfully putting on some nitrile gloves with a snap, Shinra took the metal comb out from the open container. Using his fingers, he parted Izaya‘s obsidian hair and examined his scalp.
“Yep, that’s definitely lice. At least we’re dealing with head lice and not any of the other kinds! Otherwise, you’d have to find a different doctor!”
Shinra ignored Izaya’s grimace at that remark before picking up the comb. He gently ran it through Izaya’s hair, trying to remove as many lice and eggs as he could. Despite the coldness of the metal comb, the action felt warm and caring to Izaya, who barely gets any physical contact besides his relentless sisters clinging to him and punches thrown by Shizu-chan. Involuntarily, Izaya felt a flush creeping up his neck and hoped Shinra didn’t notice.
The scratching of the comb relieved some of Izaya’s agonizing itching, and he felt calm knowing that he was in capable hands. Izaya almost feels all the lice being removed, although he knows it can be a process from his incessant web searches.
Still, he felt embarrassed even looking at Shinra. Izaya knew Izumii was filthy, so he wasn’t surprised that man got lice, but him? Izaya Orihara? He thought it would never happen to him. And now Shinra was seeing him in this disgusting state, he probably thinks he doesn’t even shower! He was humiliated.
Shinra suddenly spoke, having noticed Izaya’s dejected expression, “My father used to get lice all the time. He said it was because of my mother, but I would have to comb out his hair all the time.”
“But he’s a medical researcher, shouldn’t he be too clean for that to happen?” Izaya doubts.
“Anybody can get lice,” Shinra corrects. “It doesn’t mean you’re dirty. In fact, it‘s incredibly common. I probably would have had lice too if Celty had hair!”
Izaya ignored the last sentence stubbornly, but he felt the ache in his heart wane. Shinra didn’t think he was dirty…
“Thank you,” He muttered.
Shinra then grabbed the bottle of anti-lice shampoo and squirted a liberal amount on his head. He rubbed it around, massaging it into his scalp. Shinra checked his watch, likely to know when to wash it out. It was an awkward wait without much conversation, before Shinra decided it was time.
He led Izaya over to his laundry room sink and turned on the faucet, waiting to make sure it was sufficiently warm and testing it with his fingers to make sure it wasn’t scalding. He had Izaya place his head under the water and helped scrub his head to remove all the shampoo. It was a soothing experience for Izaya.
Eventually, Shinra pushed Izaya’s head up gently and stopped the stream of water. He grabbed a nearby towel, although he muttered something about burning it after, and helped dry his hair.
“Make sure to deep clean your house, and pay special attention to clothes and bedding. Toss them in the washing machine on high heat. In a week, repeat the treatment in case any new eggs hatched,” Shinra states while handing Izaya the metal comb and tube of anti-lice treatment. “And you should let anyone who was in close quarters with you know… but I don’t think it’s a very long list.”
Izaya glared, but he was used to Shinra’s relentless urge to poke fun at everyone.
Izaya grabbed his coat as he stood. Still embarrassed, he said “I should be on my way.” As he walked towards the door to leave, he mumbled under his breath “But thank you.”