Chapter Text
The Avengers’ communal floor was usually a place of tactical briefings and high-stakes debriefs, but on Friday nights, it transformed into something far more dangerous: Movie Night.
Since Peter had officially brought Wade into the fold, the "negotiations" for what to watch had become more intense than a UN summit. Today, it was Wade’s turn to pick.
"I’m just saying," Tony argued, gesturing with a piece of artisanal popcorn, "that Die Hard is a Christmas movie, and since it is currently July, it is logically disqualified."
"Logic is a shackle used by the boring to suppress the whimsical, Stark!" Wade shouted from his position on the floor. He was currently sprawled out with his head in Peter's lap, while Peter absentmindedly tracing his fingers on Wade's scars. "Besides, Bruce Willis’s sweaty tank top is a vibe for all seasons."
"We are watching The Sound of Music," Steve said firmly, sitting perfectly upright on the edge of the sofa. "It’s a classic. It has structure. It has songs about goats."
"If I have to hear about 'Favorite Things' one more time, I’m going to shove a sewing machine through my own chest," Wade retorted. He looked up at Peter with puppy-dog eyes —well, puppy-dog mask lenses. "Petey, tell them. Tell them we’re watching the four-hour director’s cut of Beavers Gone Wild."
Peter didn't even look up from his phone. "We are not watching that, Wade. I told you, if you keep suggesting movies that are actually just nature documentaries with suggestive titles, you’re losing your picking privileges for a month."
Wade let out a dramatic, soul-crushing sigh. "You’re all so cruel to me. I thought this was a 'Found Family.' I found you, and now I want to lose you again."
"Just pick something, Wilson," Natasha said from the armchair, sharpening a widow’s bite with a small file. "Before I let Clint pick, and we end up watching The Hunger Games and listening to him critique their form for two hours."
"Hey!" Clint shouted from the kitchen. "Their form is atrocious!"
Wade scrambled to his feet, his eyes glowing with a sudden, manic inspiration. "Fine! You want a masterpiece? You want drama? You want a story of a man who lost everything and found it again in the arms of a giant, furry beast?"
"Wade," Peter warned, sensing a trap. "If you say Shrek—"
"Shrek 2!" Wade screamed, pointing a finger at the ceiling. "The superior sequel! It has a high-speed carriage chase set to 'Holding Out for a Hero'! It has a cat in boots! It’s basically the story of my life, except I’m the ogre and Peter is the beautiful princess who is also a secret ogre!"
Tony looked at Peter. "Is he serious?"
Peter sighed, rubbing his temples. "He’s been talking about the 'I Need a Hero' sequence for three days, Tony. Just... just let him have this."
Ten minutes later, the lights were dimmed. The Avengers— the world’s most powerful defenders—were gathered around the massive 8K screen. Tony was secretly enjoying the animation quality, Steve was confused by the concept of "Donkey," and Natasha was actually smirk-laughing at the Puss-in-Boots fight scenes.
Halfway through the movie, during a particularly chaotic scene, Wade leaned over and whispered to Peter, "See? They love me...or at least my movies choices. Look at Thor. He’s leaning in. He’s invested."
Peter looked over. Thor was indeed leaning forward, gripping his hammer, whispering, "The green one possesses great valor!"
Peter smiled and leaned his head on Wade’s shoulder. "They don't hate you, Wade. They’re just... getting used to the noise."
Wade squeezed Peter’s hand under the blanket. "The noise is the best part, baby boy."
As the credits rolled and Wade began a high-pitched, off-key rendition of 'Livin' La Vida Loca,' Tony threw a pillow at him. It was a perfect shot, hitting Wade square in the face.
"I’m moving to a different planet," Tony muttered, but he was smiling.
"Can I come?" Wade asked, popping back up. "I’ve always wanted to go to the gift shop at Kriston."