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Jinu, after four centuries of about the same routine of shame and enthrallment, is generally ambivalent about new experiences. Most of them turn out bad, and the ones that don’t tend to be one-offs.
Now dying? That’s new, and probably falls under the former category.
Fire… isn’t new. And it definitely isn’t good.
Gwi-Ma’s flames had always shown a particular affinity for him, licking at his skin like it wanted to scour away the demon to swallow what’s left of the man underneath. Now they’re getting their wish.
Rumi is looking at him. She looks sad, and it's his fault and he never wants to make her look like that but now it's too late and–
There’s nothing but darkness.
He can feel the heat. Smell the sour, charred scent of burnt flesh. He feels vaguely wet and he knows that’s bad but he can’t quite remember why.
He can hear her. Her voice…
“-you hear me? Jinu…?”
It pulls him up to the brink of consciousness, and his eyes open. Bright lights make streaks across his vision. The blurry outline of Rumi is kneeling above him. Her hands are careful and cold.
“Don’t move– don’t move, you’re gonna be okay…” She says, her voice wavering in a way that makes his heart hurt in a way that has nothing to do with the heat clinging to him.
He realizes that his own breath is coming in quick, shallow gasps. His heart feels like it’s trembling under his ribs instead of beating.
“Hey– Hey, please, just stay awake, please–”
Rumi sounds afraid, and he wants to tell her it’s okay, but he can barely breathe. Her hands go under his arms and–
“Rumi, wait–!”
Everything goes dark again.
⋪✵⋫
Jinu wakes up to pain.
It radiates out from his back, heat throbbing underneath his skin. He’s freezing, and that seems like a very bad sign considering he remembers being on fire. The room is so bright it hurts his eyes as soon as he opens them, and the smell of antiseptic stings his nose.
He takes a deep breath, and immediately regrets it because it only makes everything worse.
“Jinu…?”
He turns his head, cheek rubbing against the scratchy linen underneath him. He’s on his stomach, and trying to look at her only makes the pain in his back and shoulders spike.
Rumi looks… bad. Hair is sticking out of her braid and her mascara is smudged and running down her cheeks.
She’s wearing the silly pajama pants. Choo-choo…
He smiles, although from the look on her face it isn’t all that comforting, “Hey…”
“Hey…” She kneels next to the cot, brushing sweat-slick hair away from his forehead, “You’re okay. We– we’re at HUNTR/X tower. The doctors had to cut a lot of burnt skin off… You’re getting a bunch of meds right now”
Jinu blinks a few times, and tries to push himself up. Rumi stops him with a hand on his arm, “Don’t– don’t. Please”
“Sorry, sorry…” he coughs, swallowing dryly, “I… I’m not supposed to need… Demons don’t burn, Rumi”
She purses her lips in an awkward attempt at a comforting smile, and grabs a cup of ice chips, putting a few on his tongue. They melt, and he swallows the cool water.
“They’re not supposed to… but I’m not sure you’re all demon anymore,” She says hesitantly. Jinu stares at her for another moment.
“Wow… You really like me, huh?” He says, voice still raspy. Rumi blinks at him, and then laughs, snorting softly.
“You– you suck,” She laughs, wiping at her eyes when tears threaten to spill.
“But you still like me…” Jinu murmurs. Rumi laughs again, but doesn’t deny it.
“Get some rest, moron”
“Mhm”
⋪✵⋫
It gets worse before it gets better.
Jinu can’t remember getting an infection before– In his day it was practically a death sentence. And it certainly feels like one now. Everything is hot, and time moves sideways. He pukes on himself, twice, and has to deal with the abject humiliation of Rumi helping to clean him up.
Being human– Or whatever he is right now– sucks.
Rumi is rarely gone when he wakes up. He suspects the only reason she’s gone at all is because the other two drag her upstairs to shower and sleep in an actual bed. He’s not sure if he’s grateful or annoyed at first, but he settles on grateful. He doesn’t need to hurt her more than he already has.
⋪✵⋫
The first time Jinu is able to sit up, he has about four seconds of victory before the dread settles back in. He hasn’t seen his back yet, but he can feel the burns– or rather he can’t feel them. It’s maddening and alien and he wishes that it hurt so he knew it was real, but it doesn’t. The parts of him that hurt are everywhere else– The edges of the wound where it didn’t scorch as deep. The blisters that climb up the side of his neck. His body feels like it’s been pulled taut for too long to go back to normal.
The pessimism bleeds into him just like the infection did. Just like Gwi-Ma’s whispers used to. As deep and inescapable as his burns.
He doesn’t say it– Not when Rumi is there waiting on him and not when she takes him upstairs in the elevator. He had thought– had let himself think, once, that he could fit into this kind of life. That he could have a place with Rumi and Mira and Zoey and that he could let go of the bitterness that had frozen his heart for so long.
He doesn’t think that now. He isn’t stupid.
He knows he doesn’t have a place anywhere.
⋪✵⋫
Jinu wakes up late, most days.
Sun is beaming through the windows, and he’s alone in Rumi’s room. She insisted he sleep here, and he didn’t want to push back when she seemed so anxious about it.
She probably slept with the others last night, considering how the bedding isn’t all over the floor.
Zoey told him very emphatically that she was going to take him shopping, but for the moment everything he has to wear is old HUNTR/X merch.
There are worse things.
He finds Rumi in the kitchen, and she smiles and hands him a bottle of… pink stuff.
“It’s strawberry milk. You’ll like it”
It is actually pretty good, and he sits at the counter and drinks it while Rumi puts frozen waffles in the toaster.
She’s cute like this, and for once he gets to be around her when they’re not hiding or fighting or perilously close to death. It should make him happy.
It should.
He catches his reflection in the glass bottle, and does nothing.
⋪✵⋫
As soon as he’s well enough the doctors have him do physical therapy. Thankfully he doesn’t have to leave the tower for it. It hurts, and it takes forever and he never feels any better afterwards but it’s something to do so he tries not to complain too much.
Mira helps him most often, because she has the most experience with this kind of thing. She shows very little pity, and she doesn’t hover like Rumi or try to cheer him up like Zoey. He appreciates it, even if his shoulders ache every day.
“Your range of movement is good. It’ll stay that way if you don’t slack off,”
“Encouraging,” He mutters, downing half a water bottle .
“Encouragement only helps if you want it,” Mira flicks his ear. He glares at her, but there isn’t much heat to it.
“…Thanks”
Jinu decides, after a few days, that he likes her.
He’s sore, and sitting on the floor of the living room, messing with the phone that Rumi bought him. Ugh, technology is so stupid. He misses Baby.
His body, like all bodies that are mostly human, is inescapable. He’s either unconscious or he’s in pain. And no amount of flashing lights or sugar or loud music can distract from it.
Derpy pads up, insistently rubbing its head against his face. Sussie lands on his opposite shoulder, and the annoying bird doesn’t care that it makes him wince. The tiger flops over his legs, purring loudly.
Jinu sighs, and can’t quite keep the smile off his face as he leans against the overgrown cat, burying his fingers in thick fur. Sussie messes his hair up with its beak.
“…Good kitty”
⋪✵⋫
Jinu hates his reflection. More than he did even when the patterns began to appear four centuries ago.
Every mirror or window or polished surface makes him squirm. He hasn’t looked at his back since the doctors first released him. He doesn’t want to.
It’s funny that his patterns bother him so little now. They used to be the mark of his shame, now… Now his patterns and Rumi’s are the same– bright and iridescent. He can smile a little bit when he sees them.
Now his patterns are the least of his shame. He’s okay with his patterns. He hates his burns.
He throws on the biggest hoodie he can find, and sits at the counter. Zoey is humming as she flounces around, boiling water for ramyeon.
He spaces out until she places a glass of water in front of him. He startles, and Zoey smiles apologetically.
“You looked a little out of it. Mira beat you up?”
He shrugs, sipping the water slowly, “Not any more than usual. It’s just… a bad day, I think”
She nods sagely, going back to pour the water over her ramyeon, “Double cheese day. That’s what my dad called it”
“Double… What?”
She snorts at him, “If I was having a bad pain day my dad let me have extra snacks. Double cheese day.” She looks at his blank expression, and continues, “I have endometriosis. It was a lot worse when I was younger, but I still get flare-ups”
“Oh,” Jinu says dumbly. He doesn’t know what that means exactly, but it sounds bad, “I didn’t realize… I guess you’re just really, uh…”
“Happy?” she gives him a side-eye, smiling wryly.
“I mean, yeah. Not that– I mean I didn’t…” He huffs, frustrated with his inability to keep his foot out of his mouth.
“You’re good,” she smiles, stirring her ramyeon, “I’ve had a while to manage my pain. I don’t push myself past my limits, and I rely on the people who love me. You think you’re the first one to go through Mira’s stretch routine?”
“That… makes sense,” he blinks.
Zoey makes an affirmative sound as she starts slurping noodles, “Mm-mhph!” she swallows, “Don’t worry, Jinu– You’ll get better at it, trust me!”
“I… Thanks, Zoey”
⋪✵⋫
Rumi takes him on a date. She doesn’t call it that, and he doesn’t actually process that it is a date until they’re walking into the aquarium, Rumi with her hood pulled up. Jinu doesn’t put much effort into disguising himself– His hair is longer and he’s thinner than he used to be. He’s not all that worried about being recognized.
The lights are dim and cool, and for now his pain is manageable. They walk around and look at exotic, colorful fish in the tanks. Rumi hardly ever lets go of his hand.
“I used to come here a lot,” She says when they find themselves in a sparsely populated part of the aquarium.
“…When things were bad?” He asks softly. Her smile turns thin.
“Yeah. That obvious?”
“You had a look about you…”
Rumi is quiet for a moment, her thumb rubbing the back of his hand as they look up at a tall tank, bathed in blue light.
“…Well you’re not wrong. I haven’t been back since I met you, though”
He shakes his head, “You’ve been a little busy, I think. Saved the world a few times”
“Yeah, but still… You helped me. You… understand me. What we had– have– is important to me”
She pulls him closer, and when Jinu looks down she’s only looking at him. The same look she had in the park. The same look she had when she saw him die.
Oh. She loves him.
He swallows, mouth stumbling over his words, “…Me too. I… I’m sorry I’m…”
I’m selfish. I’m angry. I’m hurt. I’m a demon.
“…I’m fucked up”
“…I think you should let yourself breathe more often, Jinu,” she holds his face in her hands, touching their foreheads together as she stands on her tiptoes, “As far as I’m concerned, you’re just as beautiful with the cracks showing”
⋪✵⋫
It’s dark when they get back to the tower. Rumi doesn’t give him an option before she drags him to the sofa where Mira and Zoey are already setting up for movie night.
“Hey! How’d it go?” Zoey grins, bouncing on the balls of her feet as they approach. Sussie is perched on her head, looking judgemental.
“It was… good. I had fun” He smiles slightly, and she pumps her fist, whooping.
“Yay! Next time we have a group date we can bring Jinu!”
Rumi grins, elbowing him in the side, “Might as well bring the pets, too”
“I’d rather we just bring the pets,” Mira walks in, carrying a bowl of popcorn. Zoey steals a handful of it and shoves it into her mouth.
They sit down, and Rumi is fiddling with the remote while Zoey tries to get Derpy to jump up on the couch.
“Oh c’mon! He’s not that bad,” Zoey shrieks with laughter as the tiger jumps up onto her lap, licking her face.
“I am right here, y’know,” He says, being ignored.
Mira rolls her eyes, “He’s a loser, but Rumi likes him, so he’s okay”
Zoey gasps, wiggling so she’s partially free from Derpy, “Ohmygosh! You like him!”
Mira scrunches up her nose, “Do not”
“Do to!”
They go on like that until Rumi shushes them, turning on the movie. Jinu hasn’t watched too many films, admittedly, and it’s slightly difficult to follow, but it seems good. There are songs, and midway through he finds himself humming along with one of them. He stops himself, but when he looks up at Rumi…
She’s smiling at him.
And things are okay.