Chapter Text
There had been so many times he’d expected to die.
From when Kamoshida first ordered his execution in that stupid fucking Castle, when the Perve had turned into that bug eyed freak of a demon and stabbed him in the stomach needing both Ann and Morgana to heal him to get back on his feet.
The dozens of times he or any of the others went down in Mementos or in a Palace that terror gripped him, that this time the spell will fail or the bead not work and they weren’t coming back this time.
But deep down, he always thought that death would be worth it, as long as Akira and the others where Ok, that they could go on to change this world for the better by taking on shitty adults and changing their hearts. He’d be ok with dying as long as they got to keep living.
One moment he was falling, blasted away from the ship, Kidd’s voice tearing itself raw in his head as the Persona tried and failed to manifest neither of them having the strength left. The next, the sea swallowed him whole, cold and heavy, crushing in from every side.
There was only one thing he could think of as he desperately tried to swim up his lungs burning
Oh, eff that! I AIN’T DYING HERE!
He wasn’t going to let that fucking asshole Shido get the last laugh on them, he wasn’t going to just lie down and leave the others behind now!
Desperate he clawed upwards trying to swim up even as it felt like everything was dragging him down. His lungs burned and leg screamed in pain, the old injury lighting up in pain that hadn’t been this intense since it was first broken.
The light swam infront of his eyes as everything seemed to get darker and darker. Still he tried to swim up, to get back to Akira and the others-
Something gave.
He tried to gasp for air only for foul stagnant tasting salt water to flood his mouth. Desperate he tried to cover his mouth, to stop the flood but it was too late. He gasped and choked brain and body screaming for air as his lungs filled with water.
He remembered how according a teacher he was only half listening to on a rainy day, drowning was one of the slowest and most painful ways to die.
Still with some last dreg of determination he tried to reach up for the surface, to the light, to his friends.
A golden butterfly, something so absurdly impossible fluttered across his vision making him jerk in surprise-
And he found his self shooting up from his bed lungs still screaming, foul sea water still choking the life out of him-
Ryuji fell out of the bed, lightning burning up his leg as he landed hard, landed wrong on the injury but he didn’t care scrambling desperately on all fours gasping and choking glad he left the door open as he threw his self over the toilet and vomited.
A torrent of black water soon filled the bowl his mouth coated with the taste of salt and blood. He gasped desperately for breath before choking and vomiting again and again.
“Let it out. Get it all out, try not to breathe too deeply till it’s all gone, I dunno if they could treat you if get it in your lungs.” Ryuji trembled he felt like he was drenched, the baggy shirt and joggers (when did he put these on? He was in his hoodie and winder clothes before they went into Shido’s Palace) plastered against his skin. He didn’t know if it was from the foul cognitive water he’d just been in or from sweating through his clothes in his panic to get this shit out of him.
When finally nothing else came up, when it felt like everything was hollow inside he reached up to flush watching as black liquid was swept away the only sound his own desperate breathing and the trickle of water.
“Hey, come on you can’t just sit there.”
At least it was supposed to be the only sound.
Ryuji froze at the sound of the voice brain stuttering, not sure if he was really hearing what he was hearing. Slowly he looked up eyes drawn to the mirror over the sink.
He looked terrible pale and sweat drenched, dark circles under his eyes, a grey sheen on his lips and down his chin he was going to have to scrub off and-
His hair.
He stared at the hair dark at the roots and bleached tips as if he hadn’t redyed it in a few weeks.
That wasn’t right, he’d literally touched it up the day before they sent Shido the calling card, hell Akira helped him!
Hesitant he reached up to his hair touching at it lowkey wishing he kept it long enough he could have pulled some down to physically check.
So shocking was the hair that it took a minute for him to finally look at the eyes and froze.
His reflection had glowing golden eyes.
The kind of eyes he’d never seen outside of the Metaverse.
His reflection’s mouth twitched as if amused “You know, probably should have expected you to notice the hair first, it is pretty noticeable.” Ryuji yelped in shock scrambling to his feet wincing as his leg protested the sudden movement. The reflection mirrored his pained expression.
“Ryuji, calm down-”
“Calm down?! Calm down are you fricking-?!? your a Shadow what the hell-!?”
“I am Thou.” The reflection sighed “Thou art I. Our Pact might not be currently in effect, but I could never willingly hurt you Ryuji.”
Ryuji went still staring at his own reflection “....Kidd? Captain Kidd?” he asked in a small soft voice not quite believing it.
The reflection’s expression twisted a little waving it’s hand in a ‘So-so’ motion. “Sorta yes, sorta no. I, It is complicated and I have no idea how this happened-”
“Why are you in my reflection?!” Ryuji gawped moving to the sink to look his reflection in the face (And not so subtly lean on the sink to take some weight off his throbbing leg) “You’ve never done that, I mean talkin’ yeah we do that all the time but not like this!” He motioned at mirror “Could you always do that-WHY are you doing that?!”
“Considerin’ you couldn’t hear me when I was tryin’ to calm you down in your rush I think right now this is the only way we can talk.” Kidd frowned “I think anyway, and no I didn’t know I could do this either…”
“Why do you look like me!? And sound like-Alright you always kinda sounded like me but right now you straight up sound like me talking through a filter.” Ryuji stared baffled shifting a little to try and take more weight off his protesting leg “And where the hell’s your accent? I, I gotta be honest, kinda preferred you as a Pirate.”
“You and me both.” Kidd sighed rubbing his forehead “I’ve gotta theory but it’s hard to explain and. And can you at the least sit down you fell pretty hard.”
“It’s fine.” Ryuji shrugged, the unimpressed look Kidd gave him could have stripped paint.
“Ryuji I literally feel everything you do. Sit-Or better yet go lie down.”
“But I need answers Kidd I need-” Ryuji froze realizing something “I need the others.” He turned on on Kidd limping back into his room, the Persona’s confused voice vanishing when he was through the door-Likely when he couldn’t be seen in the cabinet mirror anymore.
He grabbed his phone letting his self drop onto the bed expecting there to be notifications galore from the others, probably well wishes and *someone* explaining just how they dragged Ryuji out of the cognitive sea and got him home-
Nothing.
There where no notifications.
Ok, maybe Akira just went through his phone and turned them off. He’d done that before when they where having a sleepover and he got annoyed at Ryuji’s phone waking him but not the faux blond up (He had apologized in the morning and Ryuji just shrugged and gave him permission to do anything short of give the device to Futaba). He opened his chat logs and-
Nothing.
The Phantom Thief chat, his message records with all the others. Gone.
Confused he had to double check that his phone hadn’t been factory reset and-
No, it was different, the background was a meme he vaguely remembered he liked before it became a rotating gallery of pictures of his self and the other Phantom Thieves. He still had Ann’s number but the last message was him trying to get her to talk him to him and finding out he was blocked dated all the way back to…to…
He opened the most recent message from his mom and stared at the date.
He swiped off messages and opened the calender.
Googled what day it was.
Checked in the factory fricking settings.
Unless he’d REALLY pissed off Futaba to change literally every date he’d possibly see.
He checked his apps just to be sure the bottom dropping out of his stomach.
No Metanav.
It was April 10th, the day before he met Akira.
He silently turned off his phone and stared at his golden eyed reflection in the phone.
“What. the fuck happened to us Kidd?”
“...I really wish I had an answer for you Ryuji.”
0o0o0o0o
“Is this really the most productive thing you could be doing right now?” Kidd asked from the bathroom mirror reflecting Ryuji like a *normal* reflection should so he could make sure he had every area covered.
“Nope.” Ryuji admitted flatly turning his head one way then the other before spotting a patch and rubbing in more hair bleach with his gloved hands “But other then jumping Akira at LeBlanc I have no idea how to get in contact with the others-Let alone make them believe me.”
“You are going no where your struggling limping around the apartment right now.” Kidd scolded lightly Ryuji not even bothering to fight him on it.
Damn it the way it still jumping with pain he was going to have to take painkillers tonight and probably wear the brace in the morning.
…Or he could dig around in the coat closet for that cane Ma and the doctor had briefly tried to get him to use. That might work for in Kamoshida’s shitty Castle actually.
Checking again satisfied he’d gotten every strand Ryuji sighed slipping the gloves off into the bin and sitting down on the edge of the bath, leaning on the sink to make sure he could keep the mirror and Kidd in sight since they’d confirmed. Unless he was being reflected in something the Persona couldn’t be heard.
Which was really weirding Ryuji out since Captain Kidd and the other Persona’s hadn’t been limited like that before, hell Akira and Ann where practically fluent in french and spanish with how much Arsene and Carmen chatted with them. “Didn’t you say you think you know why your pulling the copy cat thing right now?”
Kidd grimaced and sighed. “I think so, but it’s only a theory. You remember the Hermits Palace?”
It took Ryuji a minute to remember when Akira was talking about tarot and arcana “Yeah uh, Futaba’s right?”
“Right the other half of the Book.You remember her awakening right?”
Ryuji slowly nodded “Yeah, it was weird her Shadow like, became Necronomicon. I mean it was really fricking cool just, weirdest awakening by far.”
Kidd snorted “Actually, it was fairly normal. Remember the Fool being able to recruit Shadows to become new Persona’s for him? That’s because Persona’s *Are* tamed Shadows.” He paused “Well, as tamed as a Will of Rebellion can be in your case.”
Ryuji frowned “So, I was right before when I called you a Shadow.”
Kidd grimaced “Like I said, sorta yes sorta no. If I was a full Shadow I’d be actin’ more like the Hermits was, actin’ out trying to get you to acknowledge me as a part of yer self. But I ain’t a Persona either, not right now anyway. I *think* if we get back into the Metaverse we’d be able to re-establish our pact and I’d be back to fully being Captain Kidd again. But I dunno if you just entering would be enough, or if you’d have to be pushed to the breaking point again….” Kidd frowned “There’s also…Gah, I don’t know.”
Ryuji frowned “Kidd?”
“Something feels off, feels different. It could just be me feeling off while we’re in this strange limbo state.” Kidd looked frustrated tugging at his hair eyes glowing in agitation “I can tell our Arcana hasn’t changed, we’re a Chariot through and through…But somethings changed.”
“Yeah, the date.” Kidd shot him a small glare for that, Ryuji putting up his hands surrendering that it was a bad joke in poor taste “Let’s. Let’s just go with you feel weird cos your not a Persona right now and check in after we have you back to full power, you still feel weird…Maybe Akira can ask those weird Velvet room people he apparently talks to about it?”
Both of them grimaced at the idea. Considering what Akira had told them of the prison of the Velvet Room, of how he was made to torment and execute his Persona’s the idea of letting those crazy twins and their master near Captain Kidd made both of them uncomfortable.
“Dunno how Lupin can even remotely tolerate being there.” Kidd grunted rubbing at his neck looking deeply unsettled “....We’re making asking them lot the absolute last resort, I swung from the gallows twice already I sure as hell ain’t volunteering for a third.”
“Fair.” Ryuji shrugged tapping his phone as soon as the alarm started to chime signalling to wash out the bleach. Kidd rolled his eyes as Ryuji grabbed a towel.
“I am you not like it matters to me.” He grunted before his other self tossed the towel over the mirror to make sure the Shadow/Persona couldn’t see or say anything.
“Makes me feel better about this weird ass situation!”
0o0o0o0o
It happened in flashes that should have been too quick to truely realize what was happening.
Reading a letter he couldn’t decipher the words of feeling proud and excited as a woman he’d never met before but knew and loved deeply peered over his shoulder looking just as proud if a little apprehensive. Two girls bright as firecrackers and who he couldn’t adore more if he ever tried, raced around the table startling the maids as the youngest climbed on a chair and raised a little wooden sword mimicking what she thought he’d soon be doing.
The beautiful sunsets over the water as he leaned against the railing of his ship, listening as his second in command gave him reports on his crew’s growing unrest while wearing Akira’s face.
Takeishi screaming in his face, the crew, the track team behind him looking conflicted but standing behind him the threats of Mutiny in the air. His anger boiling over as Takeishi took a swing.
But he was stronger.
He didn’t even pay attention to what he grabbed, only that it was heavy as he slammed it into the smaller mans skull. Roaring at the frightened crew wanting to know who could be the next to dare.
None of them did as he ordered for Takeishi to be taken to the doctor.
He never meant for it to happen.
He never wanted Takeishi to never wake up.
Guilt gnawing he drank into a stupor that night.
Staring into Kamoshida’s smug face as he passes over the letter. Something, everything was wrong with the way the man was looking at him, with the commission in his hand but he could do nothing.
The crown backed him, he couldn’t say no, but he didn’t want to say yes.
He said it anyway.
He saw the trap but put his hand in the lions jaws anyway because what else could he do?
Betrayed.
A trap just as he thought.
The navy sent to hunt him down accused of what he’d tried to never be.
He looked at his crew.
They where desperate.
Ahh. What the hell.
“I made you all wait quite a while.” He smirked as the crew looked taken aback Akira though seemed unsurprised, maybe even proud “We need power, then let’s make a pact between us all. Our names, both mine and all of yours have been disgraced already. So, fuck it. Why not hoist the flag and wreck havoc?” Cheers started to go up as he motioned to another track member who started to drag out the flag he’d pretended not to know the crew had smuggled aboard. “I’ll warn ya, there is no going back. The Skull of Rebellion is our flag henceforth!”
But every rebellion met it’s end eventually.
He stood shaking with suppressed rage as one by one, Kamoshida, the track team, his crew came up one by one and swore their innocence, blackened his name more and more to wash the filth from their own.
Mutiny he wanted to scream. Betrayers roared in his ears. I should have never stuck my neck out for the likes of cowards like you.
Only a handful remained silent, fewer protested his innocence.
A cold smile was all he could muster when Akira spat at the judge making him recoil in disgust. He could only hope that the shares the other man had hidden away was enough to buy him an easy and honest life, it was what the most loyal of his men deserved.
The trial only lasted a day, they already had his execution date set after all.
He didn’t go silent, cursing and damning the lot of the corrupt bastards who sold his soul to save their own.
The door dropped.
The rope snapped.
And he howled with choked laugher as the crowds screamed and cried. Some claiming a sign of God of his innocence and refusal to see injustice done. Others that even the Devil didn’t want his cold blackened heart tainting hell.
It should have been a stay of execution, a retrial, a chance to find the lost evidence and prove his self to all.
Instead they wrapped another noose around his neck and let him drop.
It didn’t fail.
He went slow.
And for a second time Ryuji gasped for air as he woke up clawing at his throat desperate to pull his self free-
Nothing but the sting of his nails biting into skin and flesh.
He flailed knocking,something he didn’t care about off the bedside before his hand slammed onto the light turning it on and frantically grabbed his phone glaring into the golden eyed reflection.
“What.”He croaked throat still burning as if the noose where still choking the life out of him “The Eff was that?!” He snarled trying to stay quite knowing his mother was likely recently back from her shift and sleeping.
Kidd looked just as shaken running his hands through his hair. “That…Shouldn’t have happened.”
“Yeah no shit the eff WAS that?!”
“...Even before, my existence as a Persona is….Odd.” Kidd looked uncomfortable “There’s only a handful of Persona’s formed from the cognition of real people and of them I’m one of if not the most ‘Modern’ you could say. My human life's memories as just as tied up in my myth and legend that form my self as a Persona.”
“So that was like…Your actual memories?” Kidd nodded frowning.
“Mixed up with your memories but. Yes. As for why….I don’t know, I was completely dormant in your soul before you entered the Metaverse and started to awaken me so I didn’t spend much time as your Shadow Self before our contract was made. Maybe….Because I’m stuck half way between Shadow and Persona right now it’s allowing our memories to blend? I can’t say I… I don’t know.”
Ryuji sighed accepting that answer and briefly turned on his phone scowling, 4 am, great. And he felt way too wired to just go back to sleep. But he needed to because he had Kamoshia’s shitty castle in the morning. He turned the phone back off Kidd frowning.
“You need to rest.”
“Yeah I’m not sleeping anytime soon.
“Did I say sleep? Just, rest. Look prop up the phone so your still reflected in it then just lay back and close your eyes ok?”
Ryuji arched an eyebrow but having no other ideas moved some junk and grabbed an old trophy to stand up the phone and lay down eyes closed. “...Now what?”
“Just relax and lay there, even if you don’t get back to sleep it lets your mind and body rest. ‘S what we used to do all the time on the ship.”
Ryuji groaned “Cap I, I cannot do that I can’t stay still that long.”
“...Would it help if I talked? Maybe told some of my old stories from when I was still living?”
Ryuji hummed considering it. “...Kay, I’m willing to try it.”
Kidd chuckled “Alright then, how’s about I tell you the story of the first ship me and crew caught after hoisting our pirate flag huh? Let’s see, it was 1698…”