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Cisco woke up in a cold bed, to the sound of rain.
Which was unusual these days, since Barry was over more often than not. He even had a drawer in Cisco’s closet, which he supposed meant they were moving too fast for most people. Between his personal walking space heater being the fastest man alive and the ever-present threat of death, however, Cisco thought it was justified.
Speaking of Barry being a space heater, why was he not in bed? Maybe something had come up, like it always did, and the Flash was needed to save the city (again). But usually, he left a note. A text message. Something. Cisco checked his bedside table and then his phone – nothing. Before he could panic, however, he decided to check the rest of the apartment first.
He put his hair up, wrapped a blanket around his shoulders and got up. No one in the living room. Kitchen? Nothing. Balcony? Ah.
Barry was leaning on the railing, overlooking the city. He was still in his pajama pants and a stollen Star Trek t-shirt that Cisco remembered buying at a con he had went to what felt like a lifetime ago. Before Team Flash. Before the particle accelerator exploded. Before he was even hired to work at S.T.A.R. Labs. With all the changes in the timeline, he supposed it was a lifetime ago.
He opened the door quietly, slipping outside. It was cold and he could see the rain pouring from over the dry threshold the balcony over his own provided. Cisco wrapped the blanket a little tighter around his shoulders. “Isn’t it a little chilly to be out here in a t-shirt?”
Barry hummed.
Cisco leaned on the railing next to him “Tough night?”
“Couldn’t sleep” he shrugged, still not looking at him. “Did I wake you up?”
“The empty space did” slipped off before Cisco could think better of it. God, it sounded so corny. Or needy. He supposed both.
Barry moved closer, then, gently putting his warm hands on Cisco’s shoulders and running them up and down his arms. To warm him up or ground him, he wasn’t sure. Either way, the engineer leaned back, his head laying on his boyfriend’s chest. He hummed.
Barry kissed the top of his head, apologetically. They stayed like that for a couple moments, just overlooking the city. Every window light was a life, a story. One they needed to protect.
“Any particular reason you couldn’t sleep?” Cisco looked up.
His gaze was met with beautiful green “Just can’t stop thinking about Savitar”
“We are going to kick his godly ass. We always do.” Cisco huffed.
Barry held him a little tighter, arms around Cisco’s middle. “Too much is at stake”
“…Funny you say that. You still haven’t told us what you saw in the future.”
“Too much” he set his gaze back on Flash’ city. His city. Their city.
“Bartholomew.” Cisco warned. He read him well enough to know it was something big enough to marvel Crisis. Cisco didn’t like that. Last time Barry had hidden his schemes, Cisco had needed to pull him back from the edge.
“Francisco” Barry answered, a little amused. His lips were upturned in that way that calmed Cisco’s heart. Especially after That Night… He shook his head slightly – Barry, his best friend, his hero, the electric impulse that kept his heart beating, was right there. Solid. Warm. Alive.
The humor faded from Barry’s expression “I- wasn’t fast enough” he whispered, low enough for only Cisco to hear. Low enough to not wake the city below.
“Who?” Cisco’s mouth suddenly felt very, very dry.
Barry tensed, looking to the side. He somehow managed to hold him even closer.
Cisco breathed in. His head spun. He had been killed by enough speedsters. But then again, Barry had saved him, hadn’t he? This man would rewrite reality as they knew it if Cisco asked. He didn’t dare ask.
“Nobody saves you like I do.” Cisco settled for, wrapping his arms around Barry’s neck. It was a little awkward in this position but he didn’t mind. “But nobody saves me like you do, either. I trust you. I trust you being fast enough.”
“I can’t save everyone” Barry choked up “I couldn’t save Eddie”
“Barry. I trust nobody to keep me safe like I trust you will. And if you are right? If you aren’t fast enough in the end? I refuse to sit down and die without fighting. We’ll come up with safety protocols. I will upgrade my gear and your suit. We’ll figure something out and if we don’t, I will at least know where my heart lays. That’s enough for me.”
“Not for me” Barry looked at him again, the darkness returning. “It’s not enough for me”
“I know” he whispered “But have some faith in yourself. In the team. In us. Just a little bit, okay?”
Barry hesitated. Cisco could see how the gears were shifting in his mind, how his thoughts were running faster than the speed of light in this head of his.
Cisco let him think. When the chill of the night finally enveloped him tightly enough to make Cisco shiver, he lowered his hands from Barry’s neck and slipped gently from his arms to take his hand in one of his. With the other holding his make-shift cape, he led the speedster inside and to the kitchen.
“C’mon, it’s cold.” He whispered softly. Barry nodded and followed.
He always followed Cisco’s lead, in life-or-death situations...He supposed it was one.
Cisco shook his head, trying not to think…of his death? The possibility of it, anyway. Barry would save him. He always saved him.
Barry held him by the shoulders, gently leading him to sit by the table. He did.
Cisco watched his boyfriend make two mugs of hot chocolate, slowly. Methodically. At a human speed, as if to ground himself. The speedster seemed to do that more frequently, nowadays.
Barry put one mug in front of Cisco and sat down with his own on the opposite side of the table.
Cisco nodded appreciatively, quietly holding his mug, warming his cold hands and waiting for it to chill a little bit. There was something nagging at him, something on the back of his mind he couldn’t quite put a finger on.
“How are you holding up?” Barry asked, gently, putting his hand on the table between them. A quiet offer.
“Hm?” Cisco picked his head up from where he had been staring at the floor.
“I know it’s a lot…do you want to talk more about it?”
“Oh, um- was thinking of something else.” He frowned “I don’t- there is something at the back of my mind that I’ve forgotten. I know I have forgotten something. Something important”
“More important than your life?” Barry asked in that way that promised a lightning storm. Yeah, right – shiver him timbers.
“No, I mean- gah, I know it was something to do with Savitar. A vibe, maybe?” He put down his mug and Barry took his hand between two of his own, gently massaging the calloused hand that has created so much.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to remember right now. Just let me know if you do, okay? For now, maybe we could finish the hot chocolate and watch something dumb or try to go back to bed.”
“You are far too calm” Cisco supplied.
“Oh, I am not. But you kind of learn how to be when- you know”
“You save the world bi-weekly?” Cisco snorted.
“Yeah. That. Though I wouldn’t be able to without a genius voice of reason in my ear.” He smiled
“Shut up” Cisco looked away, a dumb grin making its way to his features.
“What? It’s true” he kissed his knuckles.
“Back to the hot chocolate or I will burst” Cisco waved his free hand, picking up his mug and taking a sip “This is amazing!”
Barry looked bashful “It’s…how my mom used to make it”
“Oh…”
“Yeah, I am glad I could do it justice” Barry took slow sips, like he was savoring a piece of home.
Cisco followed, watching his home relax.
Once the mugs were empty and put in the sink to be dealt with later, the two of them made their way back to the bedroom. Yeah, the future was scary but as Cisco laid his head on the chest of the man he loved, it felt like they would be okay.