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Chapter Text

The sky was lit up in purple and orange hues as the sun set over the horizon. A brisk breeze blew, ruffling Rui’s coat as he trudged towards the brightly colored circus tent. His breath appeared in front of him, visible in the cold winter weather, as he struggled to walk up the steep hill leading to the tent. He winced as the wind blew sharply, then attempted to pull his coat even tighter. He was not looking forward to today.

The tent was lit up already, despite the early morning hours, when Rui finally approached the entrance. He peered inside, looking around until he spotted his boss, who was standing in the center of the ring, talking to some random, enthusiastic patron. With a deep sigh, he slid into the tent and walked hesitantly over, stepping carefully around the bleachers and stepping down into the ring. He wasn’t sure what the meeting he was called to was about, but he had a good feeling it had to do with last night’s events.

“Ah, Rui! There you are!” The mustached man turned around as Rui approached, smiling, but not with his eyes. “You’re late.”

There was an edge to his boss’s voice that made Rui wince. “I apologize. The winter weather was brutal this morning.”

“Ah,” the man said, then turned back to his guest. “If you’ll excuse me, Mr. Jacobs, I must speak with the ringmaster.”

Rui nervously looked down, admiring the dirty ground until he was certain Mr. Jacobs had left. He heard the flap of the tent door, then looked up to see his boss’s face right in front of his own.

“Now then.” The man, large yet short, rubbed his beard and took a cigarette out of his back pocket, then lit it. “Walk with me to my office.”

Rui obeyed, following his boss as they trudged across the ring, still littered with popcorn and soda cans from last night. He nervously fidgeted with his sweater, one that he had hastily thrown on this morning after oversleeping. He hadn’t meant to snooze his alarm, but after staying up so late, it was only natural. The bags under his eyes were proof enough of that. It wasn’t his intention to stay up until the early morning, but between the stress of last night’s performance and the new ideas he had come up with, he couldn’t bear to go to bed.

Now, though, he was beginning to regret it.

The man in front of him stopped at the edge of the tent, where a small room with a golden door stood. He flung open the door, then gestured for Rui to enter. “Sit.”

After Rui had sat down in the chair in front of the man’s desk, his boss closed the door and made his way around to sit behind it. As he sat, he sighed deeply, and Rui gulped nervously.

“So, Rui,” the man began, twirling his mustache in a laughably cartoonish way, “we need to discuss last night.”

Rui’s hands began to shake, and he looked down. It was my fault. It was my fault he left, and he knows it.

As Rui looked up, the man leaned forward and said, “Now that we no longer have a jester, I am leaving it up to you to find a new one.”

Rui’s heart began to beat faster. Was he letting him off the hook?

“I’m not sure exactly why Jay left, or what you did to make him want to exit so dramatically after the show. But I do know that I can’t afford to waste any more time. We need a new jester, and fast.”

Rui clutched his hands together, then let out a sigh of relief. “I understand, sir. I will start right away!”

The man sat back in his chair, looking satisfied. “Very good. Now please leave. Mr. Jacobs has made a very intriguing offer, and I have to think about it. Alone.”

Rui was not one to overstay his welcome. He nodded dutifully and swiftly exited the room, making sure to carefully close the door behind him. Once he was out of the office, he breathed a deep sigh. Thank God.

Now all he had to do was find a new jester.

I’m done with this! All of this! You’re a freak! All you do is push me, make me do impossible stunts, try to mold me into your weird ideas. Well, I’m sick of it! I’m leaving.

Rui had watched, his heart falling to the bottom of his chest, as the jester threw off his hat and stormed out of the tent. He tried to call for him, but the words got stuck in his throat.

Don’t leave. Please. Just give me another chance.

It was too late. He was gone.

Rui pressed his hands into his forehead, groaning. He clutched a pen in his right hand, hovering over the papers in front of him. He was currently sitting in his bedroom, at his desk, trying to design a poster to advertise the new jester auditions, but his mind kept wandering.

What if they leave again? What if I’m too much for them to handle?

Rui didn’t think he could stand the embarrassment if that happened.

His whole life, he had dreamed of the circus, of the stunts he could pull off with his troupemates. He had remembered seeing his first show as a child and being blown away by the theatrics. He had thought, what if I could do that someday? What if he could be the one to lead a troupe, one that made the audience feel as wonderful as the circus made him feel?

But as he grew older, and was rejected by more and more troupes, he felt himself start to lose his dreams. He had to hold back, suggesting modified and palatable routines for the performers. In reality, he never stopped wanting to go all out. He yearned for more, to be able to test the limits of circus arts.

Then, he stumbled upon the Twilight Circus.

They were a traveling circus, open to all ages and groups of people. Everyone was welcome to feast their eyes upon the magnificence that was a circus show. The boss was a bit strict, but the animals and performers were treated well. And, best of all, Rui was allowed to do whatever he wanted. As both the director and ringmaster, he led most of the acts, suggesting choreography and tricks that would make the show as magical as possible. He felt free, like he could finally achieve his dream.

However, by the time their first show came around, the jester had begun to act cold towards Rui. He snapped at him, didn’t listen to orders, and refused to do harder stunts. Rui tried his best to convince the jester that this was for the sake of the show, but he didn’t listen. And after the show, he had yelled in Rui’s face, calling him a freak, a weirdo. Words he had heard his whole life. Words he never thought he’d hear again, not here, not now.

Now, the jester was gone, and Rui was forced to look for another.

Scribbling with his pen, Rui hurriedly finished the poster, decorating it with stars to catch the eye. All he had to do now was make copies, and hope for the best.

Two days later, the first candidate arrived.

A blonde, tall girl with soft features slipped into the tent mid-rehearsal that morning, much to Rui’s surprise. With a quiet voice, she approached Rui and asked if he was the ringmaster. The other performers peered over with curiosity, stopping their rehearsing to eavesdrop.

Rui smiled. “Why yes, I am. I take it you are here for the auditions?”

She nodded, meekly. She was wearing a thin coat and a beanie, the latter pushing her hair over her eyes. Rui’s heart sank. She seemed incredibly nervous.

“No need to fret, my dear. The circus is for everyone. I am sure you will do wonderfully.”

She smiled, softly.

Rui led her outside the tent to a nearby building, which was empty aside from a few chairs and some equipment. The cream-colored paint on the walls was peeling, and the room smelled musty, but it would have to do.

“Okay,” Rui sighed, gesturing for her to enter as he held open the door. She stepped inside, wary. “Let’s begin with juggling.”

Rui watched as the girl performed a series of tricks, from juggling to handstands to singing. Whenever she would falter, or get nervous, Rui would smile softly at her and offer small encouragement. Everything seemed to be going well, that is, until…

“How would you feel about being shot out of a canon?”

The girl looked up. She had been sitting down, staring at her feet, while Rui took notes, but now she was staring at him, blank-faced.

“W-what?” she murmured.

“We would do it safely, of course. I was also thinking of doing a three person handstand, perhaps recruiting our other acrobats. I want this show to really stand out, make the audience gasp, you know?”

The girl began to shake, nervously. “I-”

“Of course, you don’t have to do the handstand. We could instead tie you to a rope on the ceiling, and have you spin around midair-”

“RUI!” The girl yelled, suddenly. She had tears in her eyes. “I don’t- this isn’t what I signed up for, I-”

She stood up, then marched towards the door. Rui was too stunned to register what was happening. In the back of his mind, he registered that she placed her hand on the doorknob and said quietly, “I hope you find someone else to do your insane tricks for you, but I’m not built for that.” And she left, leaving a dumbstruck Rui sitting alone, tears silently rolling down his face.

Several weeks passed, and not a single person appeared for auditions, Rui assumed the girl had spread the word, about the freak of a ringmaster who led the Twilight Circus, and began to give up hope. He spent every night crying in bed, wishing he was different, wishing someone understood him, wishing he didn’t screw everything up.

His boss called him in one night, stern-faced.

“Rui, it’s been weeks. We have our next show in a month. I’m beginning to run out of patience. If you can’t find someone new, I may have to hire a new ringmaster to take your place.”

Days turned into night quicker and quicker. Rui stayed up later and later, designing new posters, planning new routines. His hope was slowly dwindling, until one night, he could bear it no longer.

Two weeks before the show, on a random, cold winter night. Crickets chirped as Rui slipped out of bed, slipping on his shoes and grabbing a lantern. He grasped the lantern’s handle tightly, not out of fear that he would drop it, but fear that without the slight pain in his hand, he would cease to feel anything.

He gently closed the wagon door behind him, afraid of waking the other performers, and silently walked down the steps. Every step felt heavy in his body, a pang that took his breath away ever so slightly. Once at the bottom, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and began to run towards the bridge.

He reached his destination quickly, setting his lantern down and peering over at the water below. Slowly, but surely, without really processing what he was doing, he climbed on top of the bridge. Now was the time.

He was ready to be free, free of the pain. The loneliness. The burdens that threatened to destroy him.

He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and prepared to jump.

Suddenly, a voice.

“Hello! My name is Tsukasa Tenma! I am here to audition to be the next Twilight Circus jester!”

Rui nearly jumped out of his skin. He looked to his right to see a ruggedly handsome blond boy, standing confidently beside him. He was dressed in a casual suit, clearly prepared for an interview. He had an aura so bright he seemed to glow, and Rui had to hold a hand over his eyes in fear of being blinded.

Was he seeing an angel?

The boy seemed to realize what Rui was doing, or rather, what he was about to do before the boy so kindly interrupted. “Oh, um, is this not a good time? My sincerest apologies.” He backed away, and Rui nearly choked out the words.

“No! No, it’s alright. Um…” He glanced around, becoming aware of where he was. Oh right. He was on a bridge, about to-

He gasped, then carefully stepped down. His legs shook as he tried to stand, and he began to fall forward. He closed his eyes, bracing for impact.

Suddenly, strong hands gripped his shoulders and caught him.

Rui opened his eyes to blonde hair and golden eyes. The boy-Tsukasa was his name-was clutching Rui, concern etched in his features.

“We must get you some water, and fast!” The boy, surprisingly strong, hoisted Rui over his shoulder and began running towards the tent.

His voice was loud, obnoxious, overbearing. But, despite himself, Rui was intrigued. His eyes began to droop closed, and he felt himself melting into Tsukasa, his body pressed against his, warm. Safe.

Chapter Text

There was a buzz in Rui’s ears, drowning out all other noise. When he opened his eyes again, he found himself staring into deep, amber orbs. 

His cheeks reddened as he realized his face was inches away from Tsukasa Tenma’s.

He blinked, and Tsukasa blinked back, then loudly declared, “You are awake!” He stood up, moving his face away (much to Rui’s dismay).

Rui sat up, rubbed his eyes, and then looked around. He was in the circus’s medical tent, lying on a comfortable futon. There was no doctor to be found, only Tsukasa standing right next to him, staring at him. Why was he staring at him?

“What happened?” Rui asked dumbly, for he could only remember fragments of the night before.

“You fell asleep in my arms,” Tsukasa stated, simply, like that simple fact wasn’t enough to make one’s ears turn red as tomatoes. “I found you about to, um, do something very unsafe! And then I caught you and took you to the tent. They told me to go here, so I did!”

The memories came flooding back. Rui recalled the absolute despair he had felt, the pain. The way he had yearned to make it all disappear. The heavy walk to the bridge. The moment he was about to jump, when suddenly.

A voice.

He had heard a loud, obnoxious voice that dragged him out of his daze and stopped him from doing the unthinkable.

He wasn’t sure what to feel, but one thing was certain.

Tsukasa had saved his life.

“Ah,” Rui paused. He noticed a stool next to his futon, right under Tsukasa’s legs. “Have you been…waiting for me to wake up?”

While others might’ve found the notion of this embarrassing, Tsukasa Tenma seemed to possess no fear of such. He simply declared, “Why, yes! I had to ensure you were okay! It is only the humane thing to do!”

The way Tsukasa spoke, like every sentence was a dramatic declaration, like every syllable was worthy of just as much volume as any other…it was strange, but…

For some reason, Rui found this Tsukasa figure quite alluring. There was something about him, his confidence, his tonality, his mannerisms. 

He seemed almost perfectly suited to play the Twilight Circus jester.

Rui quickly got out of bed, folding the sheets as he stood up. 

“What are you doing?” He heard Tsukasa squeak. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”

“I’m fine,” Rui insisted, the bed now made. He turned to face Tsukasa. “Are you ready to audition, Tsukasa Tenma?”

If anyone was aware of last night’s chain of events, certainly no one brought it up to Rui. Perhaps it was the nature of something so unthinkable, but despite gossip typically spreading like wildfire throughout the tent, Rui was never approached. No one dared to ask what happened. And perhaps, it was better that way.

Besides, Rui had other priorities. That night was now only a bitter memory, something almost embarrassing to him. He had new goals to focus on, a new purpose. A new reason to live.

And that reason was currently bathed in sunlight pouring in from the door, admiring the colorful circus tent around him as he stood in the center ring.

“It’s beautiful,” Tsukasa breathed, and Rui made a noise of agreement, then stopped.

Oh wait. He’s talking about the tent. 

They were currently standing in the middle of the tent, Rui’s arms full of juggling equipment, ropes, lyra, and assorted other audition materials. He carefully placed the items on the floor, then joined Tsukasa at the center. 

He placed a careful hand on Tsukasa’s shoulder, and the golden-haired boy looked over with intrigue. Rui smiled his usual devious smirk that many acrobats had come to fear over the years.

“Shall we get started, Tsukasa-kun?”

Tsukasa smiled back, a wide, authentic grin so bright it hurt Rui’s chest. 

“Yes, I am ready!” He shouted, striking a pose. Rui giggled, then gestured to the objects.

“First,” Rui began, picking up a bright red set of juggling balls, “let’s see your juggling skills.”

Tsukasa picked up the first ball, and began to throw it around his hands. Rui nodded. “Good,” he affirmed. He picked up another ball and tossed it in Tsukasa’s direction. Tsukasa’s eyes widened, and he immediately shrieked and dropped the ball.

Okay, so juggling wasn’t in the cards.

Next, they tried acrobatics. Or rather, they discussed trying acrobatics. 

“You can’t… do a cartwheel?” Rui’s voice wavered in surprise.

Tsukasa shook his head, looking slightly embarrassed. “I grew up with a magician for a father. All he taught me were card tricks and puppet shows.”

“Ah,” Rui remarked. This is going to be a lot harder than I thought.

“Can you tell any jokes? Humor is crucial for a jester.”

“Um…” Tsukasa tapped a finger on his chin, lost in thought. Suddenly, his eyes lit up. “Oh, I know! Why did the chicken cross the road?”

Rui sighed deeply. 

A few hours later, they had tried nearly every circus trick in the book. Tsukasa had no experience in anything, and Rui was beginning to lose hope, when suddenly, his eyes fell on the lyra lying in the corner.

This was it. This was where most chickened out, ran away, laughed at Rui. He braced for impact as he picked up the lyra, holding it out to Tsukasa. 

“Have you ever tried this?”

Tsukasa’s eyes lit up. “No, but I’d love to!”

Those four simple words sent Rui’s heart into orbit. He smiled so big it threatened to fall off his face, and giddily ran over to the rigging station to hang up the lyra. He’d love to.

And for a moment, Rui allowed himself to hope. 

“I’m going to teach you a trick. It’s called ‘Star,’ and it’s fairly simple,” Rui explained, attaching the lyra to the hook.

Tsukasa gulped, and for a moment, fear flashed across his face. It was so quick, you would only notice if you were intently staring at Tsukasa. Which Rui, in fact, was.

Rui ran over to the rigging station again, then began to pull at the ropes. Tsukasa watched eagerly as the lyra lifted into the air, then stopped as Rui tied it to the rigging. Once he was sure it was secure, he made his way back over to Tsukasa. 

Tsukasa stood waiting, eagerly watching as Rui put his hands on the bottom of the lyra. 

“The first step is getting onto the lyra, using an invert,” Rui explained, then lifted his legs up into an invert. He could feel Tsukasa’s eyes on him as he pulled himself up until he was sitting in the center of the hoop. “Like so.” 

Tsukasa nodded, his pointer finger curled against his chin, clearly taking deep mental notes. Cute, Rui thought, then shook his head. Focus.

“Now, for Star.”

“First,” Rui began, “you spread your legs apart, then lower your entire body down, until your backside is against the bottom of the lyra. Like so,” and he demonstrated, hyper-aware of Tsukasa’s gaze on his body.

“Then,” he breathed, “you swing up,” and he heard Tsukasa gasp as he pushed his hips up towards the ceiling, “until your hips are resting against the lyra.”

“Finally,” he said, slightly out of breath. “You let go.”

And, as Tsukasa watched, Rui let go of the lyra, pushing his hips forward against the bars, until he was sprawled out in the shape of a star.

“Now then,” Rui glanced down at an open-mouthed Tsukasa. “Are you ready to become a star, Tsukasa-kun?”

It took a few tries, but eventually, Rui was able to help Tsukasa invert onto the lyra. Tsukasa now sat in the center, patiently awaiting his next instructions. 

“Alright, Tsukasa-kun. Now open your legs,” Tsukasa obeyed, slowly. “Good. Now, lower your body until your lower back is against the bar.”

Slowly, but surely, Tsukasa lowered his body down. Rui noticed the tremble in his arms, but decided not to comment on it for fear of augmenting the shake.

“Now, swing your hips up and against the bars.”

Tsukasa took a moment, then clumsily shot his body up. The moment of the swing made the lyra start spinning, faster and faster, and Tsukasa cried out in fear. 

Without a second thought, Rui rushed forward and grabbed the lyra, stopping it.

And now, Tsukasa was in front of him. Every inch of his body shook with fear, but he was doing it. His hips were pressed against the lyra, his body upside down, his golden hair in front of his eyes. 

Rui thought it was a sight to behold.

“And now,” Rui commanded, his own heart pounding, either from fear or something else. “Let go.”

And Tsukasa, stubborn and brave Tsukasa, took a breath, and let go. He shimmed his body down even more, and suddenly he was face-to-face with Rui.

Their faces were so close, Rui could feel Tsukasa’s breath. Given that Tsukasa was upside down, and Rui was on the taller side, Rui found his eyes right in front of Tsukasa’s lips. 

And he was fully aware of how much he wanted to kiss them. And that was a dangerous thought, one that almost took his breath away. But it was true.

“Like this?” Tsukasa asked, his voice soft. 

“Yeah,” Rui breathed, “like that.”

“RUIIIIII!!” A cheerful voice rang throughout the tent. Rui startled, letting go of the lyra, which began to spin again.

Tsukasa, startled, promptly fell off the lyra onto the mat below. Thank God I remembered to put that there, Rui thought as Tsukasa massaged his neck, grumbling.

Rui reached out a hand to help Tsukasa up, then looked over to see Emu, the circus juggler, and her girlfriend Nene, the acrobat. Oh right, Rui thought, it’s their turn to use the tent for rehearsals. 

“Oh my gosh, I’m so so so sorry Rui! I didn’t mean to startle you and, um-” Emu glanced over at Tsukasa, who was still holding Rui’s hand. Rui immediately let go, his face warm. “Who’s this?”

“Ah, Rui composed himself, then smiled warmly. Nene looked at him, the confusion on her face far more judgemental than the curiosity of her girlfriend’s. He smoothed his shirt, then gestured towards Tsukasa dramatically.

“This, my dear ladies, is the Twilight Circus’s newest jester, Tsukasa Tenma!”

The reaction of the tent was instantaneous. Emu’s eyes widened, and she let out a cheer as she spun around, then ran over to hug Tsukasa. Nene’s face grew shocked, and she gave Rui a look that read, really? 

But the only reaction that mattered was the one next to him. He turned over to see Tsukasa, eyes shining, a grin so wide and bright it stabbed Rui’s heart. Tsukasa removed himself from Emu’s grasp, then grabbed Rui’s right hand.

“Thank you, oh thank you Rui!” He shook his hand vigorously, not once letting go as he spoke. “I promise not to let you down!”

Rui giggled. “Fufu, I’m counting on it, my star.” He winked.

Then he realized, wait, what did I just say?

Tsukasa didn’t seem to mind, letting go of Rui’s hands and running over to high-five Emu, and the two of them began jumping up and down and cheering. Rui sighed with relief. He’d have to be more careful with his words, but for now, everything was fine. 

“Rui,” Nene appeared at his side, her usual disapproving frown visible even without looking at her face. “Why did you hire him? He’s terrible. He can’t juggle, he can’t tell jokes, he can’t do a cartwheel, he can’t even do a simple lyra trick without trembling. He’s hopeless.”

She must have been watching us the entire time, Rui thought, his stomach nervously churning. But he smirked, chastising: “Oh Nene, have you no faith in me? Do you not think I can transform him into something more, using my special directorial talents?”

He smiled, looking over at Tsukasa, who was currently watching with fervent interest as Emu demonstrated a juggling technique. His golden locks flew up and down as he excitedly bounced on his heels. Rui giggled at the sight.

“Besides,” he said quietly, and he hoped Nene couldn’t notice the faint blush on his cheeks. “I see something in him.”

Tsukasa was now attempting to copy Emu, and threw a ball into the air. It hit him square in the face. Nene snickered.

“I know he may not seem like much, but there’s passion. I can see it in his eyes. He wants this, more than anything. And that’s what’s important.”

He turned to Nene. 

“Give me 2 weeks, and soon, Tsukasa will be the most incredible star in all of the Twilight Circus.”

Chapter Text

Rui smirked, a devilish glint in his eye. “Tsukasa-kun,” he began.

“How would you feel about swallowing a sword?”

He was sitting alongside Tsukasa on the benches in the audience, an assortment of buckets nestled in between their legs. He looked over to see an extremely shocked Tsukasa.

“Sword swallowing? As in, putting the entire thing in my mouth? Won’t that kill me, Rui? You need years of training for this stuff!” Tsukasa huffed.

“You wound me! How could you suggest such a thing? Why would I ask that much of you?” Rui giggled. 

“No, for this performance…" he smirked again, glancing up at Tsukasa. “We’re going to be using this.” He pulled out a sword from one of the buckets, and before Tsukasa could stop him, he was pressing the blade into his arm.

“Rui- no! What are you doing??”

Rui laughed as the sword magically pushed in on itself, shortening as it pressed into his arm.

Tsukasa sighed with relief. “Oh.”

“It’s a performance sword. Basically, it will give the audience the illusion of sword-swallowing. A classic circus trick.”

Tsukasa nodded. “I see, I see.” He, too, picked up a sword, then suddenly brandished it in Rui’s face. 

“Then, en garde!” He yelped, pushing the blade into Rui’s cheek. He grinned deviously. 

Rui blinked, then began to laugh. He laughed for so long, and so hard, that soon Tsukasa had put the sword away and was sitting back on the bench, grumbling.

“It wasn’t that funny.”

Two weeks of rehearsals went by surprisingly quickly. Rui and Tsukasa fell into a comfortable rhythm, working on new acts every day and polishing them until they were just right.

Every day, Rui would suggest something new, something bold, something that, in the back of his head, was too much. And Tsukasa would grin at him and say, “I’m in.”

It was the happiest two weeks of Rui’s life. And also, the craziest.

The concept for this show, as Rui had explained to the cast, was flight. There would be many aerial acts, an assortment of space and sky imagery, and, to Emu’s delight, lots of birds. 

One day, as Rui was setting up the rigging for the trapeze act to rehearse, he heard an excited yelp and, then, squawking. Lots of it.

He turned to see his boss carrying in a large cage, full of all sorts of wild and colorful birds. His mouth dropped open. 

“Birdies!!” Emu screamed, walking up to the noisy cage. “They’re so cute!”

“Excellent!” Rui heard Tsukasa say behind him. Oh right, Rui remembered, he was practicing his juggling with Emu. Except now, his instructor was slightly preoccupied with the birds. “These will be perfect for the jungle act!”

Rui made a noise of agreement, walking with Tsukasa up to the cage. “They are quite beautiful. I assume they were legally obtained?” He smirked at the boss, who whistled to himself and walked away.

Rui pulled out his notepad, then tapped the pen to his chin as he tried to think of possibilities for using the birds. It was hard to focus, given the shrieking from both the birds, and Tsukasa and Emu imitating them. He sighed.

Another day, Rui brought up the idea to Tsukasa of shooting out of a cannon. Tsukasa, much to Rui’s delight, agreed eagerly.

“All of the great clowns have done it! So why shouldn’t I, Tsukasa Tenma, star of the Twilight Circus, be able to?” He had boasted.

Tsukasa was a peculiar case. Most of the cast members were not fond of him, as he had a tendency to cause trouble around the tent. Many cartwheel attempts on his end had resulted in a poor acrobat’s broken bones, while his trapeze swinging often got too out of hand and resulted in others being tossed out of the air. All the while, Tsukasa would brush it off and say, “I’m the Twilight Circus jester! Nothing can stop me!” (And a disgruntled clown would mutter “kill yourself” under his breath)

Tsukasa may have been a headstrong idiot, but Rui felt himself falling further and further for him.

It was almost like a curse. Whenever their hands would brush, Rui would shiver. When they made slight eye contact, Rui would feel himself freeze. Every time Tsukasa would say yes to one of Rui’s crazy ideas, he’d get so excited that he’d go home and giggle into his pillow. He was like a pathetic schoolgirl, going crazy over the circus jester.

In meetings with his boss discussing the upcoming show, he’d often find his mind drifting to Tsukasa, and would have to be called by his name several times before he realized he was being talked to.

At night, he stayed up far too late, hand-sewing Tsukasa’s jester costume, because it had to be just right.

He worked long hours into the night with Tsukasa, training, practicing, and rehearsing. Everything had to be perfect for Tsukasa’s opening night. 

There was just one problem. What if it wasn’t perfect?

What if the acts were too much? What if the audience thought the show was too strange, and threw their popcorn and demanded refunds?

It was a silly thought, but one that kept Rui up at night almost as much as Tsukasa’s face. Until one night, the stress got to him.

It was a week until opening. Rui was working on plans for the final scene of the show, sketching out the diagram of the aerials. Suddenly, the door to his wagon burst open, and Tsukasa strutted in. 

Rui didn’t turn around. He knew it was the blonde, but he was too focused on his work to acknowledge him. 

“Rui! I’ve just thought of a new joke! You see, I was telling Nene where to look for the popcorn machine, and I said it was ‘under there,’ and she said, ‘under where,’ get it? Like underwear? I think we could incorporate that into the show-” He stopped, seeing the tears stream down Rui’s face.

“Oh- oh, no, Rui, are you okay?” Tsukasa asked awkwardly. 

Rui sniffled, then wiped his eyes with his sleeve. “I’m sorry, Tsukasa-kun. I didn’t mean for you to see me like this.

“The truth is, I’ve been so worried about how this show is going to go over. This is probably the most ambitious show we’ve ever done, and I want it to be perfect. Especially since it’s your first show.” He blushed. 

“If anything goes wrong, I don’t know what I’d do with myself.”

Tsukasa sat down beside Rui at his desk, then placed a hand awkwardly on Rui’s back. He turned to Rui, determination in his eyes.

“Listen to me, Rui. You’re the best director I’ve ever had. Your ideas are incredible! And if anything goes wrong, I’m here by your side.” Rui could’ve sworn he detected a faint blush across Tsukasa’s cheeks, but chalked it up to his imagination.

“One thing I’ve always lived by is perseverance. Even if it gets hard, if it’s important to you, you keep going. You don’t give up. And I see that quality in you, Rui.”

Tsukasa reached out and patted Rui’s hand. Rui was sure he was scarlet at this point.

“So, whatever happens, let’s stick together.”

Rui wiped his eyes again, and looked deep into Tsukasa’s amber irises.

“Together,” he echoed.

“Hm…” Rui sat on the benches, thinking as he observed the trapeze act. He tapped his pen against his chin, a habit of his when deep in thought. 

What if we moved the big jump to the beginning of the song, to add some shock value? Or maybe at the end? 

He was so deep in thought he barely noticed the light tap on the back of his head. He definitely noticed the second time, though. And the third. And the fourth.

He whipped his head around. “What-”

Tsukasa stood behind him, holding a pen in his hands. Rui’s pen.

“You dropped this while you were lost in thought,” Tsukasa stated, handing the pen back to him. Rui blushed, embarrassed. 

“Thank you, Tsukasa-kun.” he replied.

Tsukasa sat down beside him on the bench. “So, director. I know you oversee all of the acts, but what else do you do? Don’t you perform on stage too?”

Rui chuckled. “Why, yes,” he said, his eyes still fixated on the trapeze performers. “I’m the ringmaster, after all.”

Tsukasa shifted beside him. “Really? I didn’t know that!” 

Rui hummed. “Yes, well, it’s more of a minor role. I simply open and close the show.”

“Still, though, that’s important! You’re the face of the act! Everyone’s counting on your to make a good first impression on the audience!”

Rui frowned, turning to Tsukasa. “Are you trying to scare me, Mister Showtime?”

Tsukasa threw his head back and laughed. “Mister Showtime? What kind of a name is that?”

“Well, you are our biggest star, are you not? You’re the glue that holds the show together.”

Tsukasa looked down, anxiety creeping in on his face. “Do you really think I’m ready?” he whispered.

This was the kind of conversation reserved only for Rui. Where others might see Tsukasa as abrasive, loud, confident, annoying- Rui saw the side of Tsukasa that was anything but. The side that was scared of failure, of not being enough. 

Rui patted Tsukasa’s back. “It will all be okay, my star.” (He had a habit of calling Tsukasa by that name now. Tsukasa seemed to like it.) “You’ve grown so much over this past week. You’ve welcomed my ideas with open arms, taken on every challenge with confidence. You-” he gulped.

“You’re incredible, Tsukasa-kun.” Rui stammered, looking away and patting Tsukasa’s back awkwardly again before putting his hand down.

There was silence for a moment, then Tsukasa heard a sniffle. He looked up, surprised.

Tsukasa was brushing away tears. Real tears. He looked over at Rui, smiling. “Thank you, Rui.” He breathed.

The night before the show arrived. Everyone was rehearsing around the tent, polishing their acts. The birds were freshly groomed and fed. Emu was reviewing her juggling while Tsukasa watched eagerly. Nene practiced swinging on the trapeze. And Rui?

As usual, he sat in the corner, watching. Listening. Observing. 

And he was so, deeply, incredibly happy with what he saw.

He had been thinking about his past recently. About how growing up, no one had listened to his ideas. How isolated he’d felt. But here, he felt seen. He felt heard. He felt understood.

And it was all thanks to one Tsukasa Tenma.

Rui was staring over at Tsukasa, who had stolen Emu’s balls and juggled them in front of her as she pouted. Despite this, she seemed to be in awe of how good he’d gotten. Rui was, too.

Rui’s heart was full. He couldn’t have been more proud. Of his castmates, of Tsukasa, of the show they’d all worked so hard on.

It was a dream come true.

Now, there was only one more preparation to be made.

Tsukasa had been practicing in the old jester’s costume. It was slightly oversized, and had to be pinned in some areas, but the mechanics worked for practicing. However, Rui knew that Tsukasa deserved something that fit him, not just in size, but in spirit. A costume worthy of a star.

Rui turned over to his side on the benches where he had set the costume, wrapped in a tightly sealed package with a bow. His heart pounded as he picked up the box, his fingers caressing the paper anxiously, and he walked over to Tsukasa in the center of the ring.

Tsukasa stopped juggling upon seeing Rui, and cocked his head curiously. “What’s that, Rui?” he asked, gesturing to the package in his arms. 

Rui gulped, then held it out. “This is for you.”

Tsukasa’s eyes lit up, then he quickly tore open the box. As he pulled out the shiny new garment, his expression went from puzzlement to excitement. 

“Oh, oh my gosh, Rui,” he beamed. “This is extraordinary! Did you handmake this?”

Rui smiled. “Indeed.”

Tsukasa leapt forward and squeezed Rui in a tight hug. Rui turned about 12 shades redder. “Thank you! I will wear it with pride tomorrow! In fact,” he quickly let go of Rui and tore off backstage. “I’m going to wear it right now!”

Oh God. Seeing Tsukasa? In the outfit I made him? Right now? In front of everyone?

Rui never bolted out of the tent so fast. Later, Tsukasa would come calling for him, only to be puzzled when Emu and Nene said he was nowhere to be found.