Chapter Text
Wu had found him almost five years ago, and it had been just as long since Jay had negotiated to keep his civilian life even as his team left theirs behind.
Five years of living in the spaces between spaces. Five years of watching Kai, Zane, Cole, Nya, and Lloyd become household names, their faces plastered on billboards and their exploits recounted in history books that were being written in real-time, while Jay remained "the Blue Ninja"—masked, unknown, separate.
It had been his choice. Wu had offered to let him go public, multiple times. So had the others, especially after Dareth had taken over as their PR manager and turned them from vigilantes into legitimate heroes with press conferences and official endorsements.
But every time, Jay had refused.
Because going public meant giving up the last shred of normalcy he had. It meant Ed and Edna would never have another quiet Sunday dinner without cameras outside their junkyard. It meant he could never walk across a university campus without being mobbed. It meant the careful separation he'd maintained between Jay Walker and the Blue Ninja would collapse entirely.
And he needed that separation. Needed it like he needed air.
The others didn't understand, not really. They'd tried, in their own ways:
Kai thought he was being paranoid. "Dude, being famous is awesome. Free coffee, people asking for autographs, actual respect when you walk into a room. Why would you want to hide that?"
Nya worried it was about her—about their relationship, about whether he was ashamed to be seen with her publicly, especially after she had rejected him so publicly, over and over again, after everything with the Perfect Match Machine and Cole and the interviews in the wake of Morro and the Preeminent. It had taken months of reassurance to convince her otherwise.
Cole just looked sad whenever it came up, like he could see the weight Jay was carrying and wished he could help lift it but didn't know how.
Zane approached it logically, running probability analyses about the risks and benefits of disclosure, never quite grasping that this wasn't about statistics or even certainty, if such a thing existed at all, because Zane always resorted to logic when he had no good answers.
Lloyd, who'd grown up in the spotlight whether he wanted it or not, understood better than most. Ironically. "It's your choice, Jay. Just...make sure you're doing it for the right reasons, okay? Not because you're scared."
But that was the thing: Jay was scared. Terrified, actually.
Scared that if people knew who he was, they'd look at him differently. Scared that he'd lose the ability to be just Jay sometimes—the guy who made terrible puns in study group, who could barely cook ramen without burning it, who'd once gotten a C- on a physics test because he'd been too exhausted from a mission to remember the difference between torque and rotational kinetic energy. That his friends would see Jay Walker the Ninja and not Jay Walker the Person when they looked at him, and that they’d ask him why he felt if he couldn't trust them, when it had never been about them, and it had never been about trust.
Scared that if the two worlds collided, he'd lose them both.
Scared of what the level of fame he saw his team carry would mean...if applied to him. Would there still be a Jay Walker who never shut up left after the media had torn him apart and put him back together all wrong? Because the thing about spending your formative years hiding is that it doesn't prepare you for the spotlight, it doesn't help you develop the kind of thick skin his team had been developing since they were children.
And so passed five years of excuses and carefully constructed alibis, of bending and contorting himself into shapes he wasn't supposed to be in, because that was the only way to preserve himself, because he was in high school and high school came easy to him and he could afford to bend when the threats could not. The Great Devourer, the Overlord, Master Chen, Morro and his ghosts and the Cursed Realm, and that cursed timeline that wasn't, the Time Twins. He could afford to bend, but Zane couldn't, not when he had to rebuild himself from scratch. Kai couldn't, not when Morro took Lloyd. The team—his family—couldn't bend, not when Wu disappeared after Krux and Acronix.
The Realm couldn't, not when the Sons of Garmadon and Harumi resurrected Lord Garmadon—the evil one—and certainly not when the Oni came in their clouds of darkness and destruction and Cole had fallen and Lloyd was barely holding together—
No.
So Jay bent, because he could, because it was high school. He bent because, in the terrifying calculus of his life, his normal world was the only thing malleable enough to absorb the shock. And he hated the guilty kernel of relief he felt in those rare, peaceful moments when he didn't have to—when he could just be a student who really, really just wanted to make it to graduation. Because he loved his teacher, and he needed his team, but he also needed moments where the worst crisis of the week was him forgetting to write his name on an assignment.
And so he bent, because the chaos of the Sons and Garmadon and the Oni meant no one was keeping track of his attendance and exam scores that summer everything went bad, and he could finally breathe, and now he could go to university—the Ninjago Institute of Technology.
So really. A success.
He chose to go into engineering physics, because of course he did. He was an engineer at heart, and as closely as electrical engineering fit him to a T, that was the choice of the boy who wanted to control his power because it scared him. But engineering physics…that allowed him to keep his engineering soul and still understand the why, for the boy who loved his power and always would.
And also because he was a masochist, probably. Evidently.
Because physics. And engineering. Both. And Ninja work to boot. Kai thought he was insane for putting himself through this. And sometimes, Jay absolutely agreed.
Like now, third week of his very first semester, staring at his second problem set of the day that made less sense than the last one. Somehow.
In his defense, everyone knew first year classes were weed-out classes, but he hadn't realized just how...grating and relentless the work was. He didn't know whether it was better or worse that the rare upper-year students he had run across looked at him with pity, like they were viscerally remembering first year and also trying not to scare him away from three more years of this. At minimum.
He sighed. He had been building since he was a child, and yet intro modern physics was enough to stump him, apparently. It was completely unfair, and he wanted a refund.
He picked up his pencil and scratched out his work to restart anyways.
His phone buzzed from its spot on his study table in the library. Andy the biology major, his lab partner for the chemistry class he was absolutely required to take (not actually, but he needed general science electives and all the spots in all the other classes had been filled up by the time Jay managed to wrestle back a rogue Serpentine incursion, so he was stuck with stoichiometry and titration curves).
Hey, the text said. Have you seen the pre-lab? PLEASE tell me you've done it and can help me :(
Haha, Jay typed back. I wish. Haven’t even had the time to think about it yet.
Typing bubbles, before Andy shot back with Dudeeeeeee. I swear they’re trying to kill us. HELP.
And then: Though I should be grateful that I’m in bio, cuz dude, eng is hell. WHY do you do this to yourself?
Jay’s lips twitched. I will let you know when I figure that out.
Not that he didn’t know, but desperate times.
He and Andy exchanged a few more texts before he signed off and turned back to the equations in front of him. Where was he?
He sighed again. It was already getting dark, and it would soon be getting even darker as winter approached, and Jay was not looking forward to it. His dorm was on campus, and he could navigate through the tunnels to get there, but he missed the Monastery. He was never more aware of just how interconnected and reliant everything was on electricity than when he was in the heart of Ninjago City. At least the Monastery was quiet and he’d be able to focus without the constant hum that was less sound and more…like that feeling of being watched except it felt like he was being watched from everywhere. Usually, he would’ve been able to ignore it, easily, but he was tired and he just wanted his bed.
He sighed again. Clearly, this wasn’t happening.
Making up his mind, he packed with the clumsy efficiency of a student on a mission. The kind of mission where the only obstacle between him and his bed were the books on the table and the walk back. Slinging his bag over his shoulder, he made his way back to his dorm, dumping it by his bed the minute he arrived.
His roommate was out, thank the First Spinjitsu Master. The guy was great, sure, but also loud and cared more about partying than anything else, and that was the last thing Jay needed. Ironically. Because Jay was loud and social, and you would think that that should mean he and his roommate would mesh like…sweet and sour?
That sounded weird. What he meant was…like something that went together really well, like fish and lemon.
…That still sounded weird.
Jay furrowed his eyebrows. When was the last time he ate? It was almost eight in the evening, and he hadn’t eaten anything other than a bagel he grabbed on the way to class earlier that morning.
Okay, he thought. New plan.
The campus pub would be open until midnight, and he could grab a burger, some fries, maybe an iced tea. And he could catch up on the last of his assignments (and that pre-lab) once his body stopped rebelling at his low blood sugar.
Maybe a shot? They had good alcohol.
He shook his head. Nevermind. Alcohol could wait for when he was actually desperate.
The food was good, though. He had gone a few times with a few of his new classmates, and also, he faintly suspected that Alice—an engineering physics major drawn to him for the fortunate (or unfortunate) chance of being the few who were apparently insane enough to choose this—had a crush on their server last time they went. Which he was also fairly certain wouldn’t be getting anywhere because he had also seen that server flirting with one of the guys at the table next to them. And he was also pretty sure that Alice also knew and was already playing matchmaker in her head, which...he was not going to question, honestly.
College was weird.
He woke to his alarm blaring at an ungodly hour, roommate still missing (he didn’t want to know, thanks), assignments done (miraculously), and shoulders sore from the weight of the bag he had the unfortunate luck of having to lug around all day the day before.
Groaning and through bleary eyes, he checked his phone. A reel Cole sent him, Zane asking him to pick up some spices before he headed to the Monastery for the team dinner later, and a good morning text from Nya.
Rise and shine, lightning bug, it said. Miss you. Can’t wait to see you. Also, Kai set Cole’s hair on fire again.
Jay smiled, something small and full. Morning! He replied. Love you. I’ll see you soon! Also, tell Pixal she owes me twenty.
The response came back quickly: Why?
We had a bet. I said they wouldn’t last four days. Pixal thought it’d take them a week.
Jay could picture Nya right now, the way she would bite her lip when someone did or said something funny that she shouldn’t laugh about. But Jay was good at making her laugh, even through her brothers’ stupidity.
Y’all are idiots, she texted back.
Duh. You’d die of boredom otherwise.
Like I said. Idiots. At that, Jay could almost hear her eye roll. Don’t you have class to get to?
Yeah, yeah, he responded. I’m goingggggg. Love you.
Me too, she replied.
Putting his phone away, Jay sat up and looked around, feeling lighter and not behind for once. Because there had been no Ninja emergencies in a week, he was all caught up, he had dinner planned with the team (and Nya!) later when he hadn't seen them outside of emergencies in weeks, and he finally slept a full seven hours—still not the recommended eight, but what student actually gets that?
He ran into Alice on the way to class, decided he might as well bother her and pranced up next to her.
"Heyyyyyy Alice," he said, grinning.
Alice shot him a look through bangs thick enough that Jay thought it was an absolute miracle she could see through them. "You have way too much energy for this early in the day," she said flatly.
"I got sleep last night!" Jay chirped proudly.
"Oh FSM help us," she groaned.
"I also got caught up on the work plus did the chem pre-lab I was telling you about—and oh, I should text my lab partner about that before I forget. Remind me to do that later, after class?" He didn't wait for an answer, already pivoting. "Anyway, have you seen that pretentious pre-med student—" And he was off, talking about his Very Important Observations. He talked about everything—that pre-med student, the fries at the university pub because honestly, it needed more salt and the weather and his sore shoulders, very carefully staying far away from the actual reasons he was so tired.
Alice simply guided him gently to a coffee shop for her morning dose throughout it all, used to his chatter but letting it wash over her.
The café was small, at the edge of campus and all the way across from the Engineering Building where they had their first class of the day, but worth it because they had the best blueberry muffins.
By the time Jay had ordered his muffin and was about to committ to inhaling them with fervor, Alice had only just gotten her coffee and now was doing...was that eenie meenie?
Muffin in mouth, Jay wandered over curiously. The grand dilemma seemed to be over a cinnamon bun and a set of sugar cookies.
"Tough choice," he said dryly. This earned him another look, and Jay mockingly threw his hands in the air, laughing.
"I don't like you," Alice grumbled. "This is a very hard choice, and clearly not all of us have culture."
"Wow, I'm hurt."
"You should be."
At that, Alice snickered, finally choosing the cookies and heading to pay. "You said you caught up on the assignments, right? Help me with the one for Intro to Engineering Ethics? Question 4 is killing me."
They sat in their first class together, Intro to Engineering Design, and Jay felt that dangerous flutter of hope again. The kind that made him think maybe this was it, maybe this was sustainable, maybe Wu had been right all along about balance.
The professor was talking about the semester project when Jay's phone buzzed.
Once.
Twice.
Three times in rapid succession.
He knew what that meant before he even looked.
Warehouse district. Serpentine. Now. -Nya
He stared at the message. Then at his notebook, where he'd been actually taking legible notes. Then at Alice, who was highlighting something in her course pack, completely absorbed.
His phone buzzed again.
Jay, we need you.
He gathered his things as quietly as possible. Alice glanced over, eyebrows raised.
"Bathroom," he mouthed.
She nodded, turned back to her notes.
He didn't come back.
He made it back to campus three hours later, covered in stone dust he'd tried and failed to brush off, with a bruise blooming across his ribs and exactly zero understanding of what had happened in the last half of that lecture.
Alice was in the student lounge when he walked past, sitting with their classmates, comparing notes.
She saw him.
Their eyes met.
She looked away first.