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Ever since Nashville, Eddie has felt… off.
The first problem is that Buck refuses to have an actual conversation with him — won’t even meet his eyes most of the time — and has so far dodged every invitation to join Eddie and Chris for dinner or a movie at their house. It’s obvious that he doesn’t want to talk about what happened, which… well, it hurts, obviously, but Eddie can handle that.
What he can’t handle is how much he misses his best friend.
To make matters even worse, the second problem is that his whole body feels like it’s been stretched out and reshaped into something unrecognizable. His balance is off, he aches everywhere, and he’s been struggling to eat even his favorite meals. Maybe it’s a good thing that Buck hasn’t been around. The last thing Eddie wants to do is upset him by not polishing off at least two servings of whatever Buck cooked them for dinner.
And then this morning, he’d woken up feeling so sick that he’d called out of work and spent the next hour or so alternating between throwing up his guts and lying curled up on the bathroom floor.
Something is definitely wrong, and all Eddie wants to do is text Buck, but he can’t, because maybe he’s not quite ready to talk about Nashville either.
— Nashville, Seven Weeks Earlier —
Buck stumbles into the hotel room behind Eddie, laughing at some already forgotten joke. Eddie’s head is spinning, which he blames on the celebratory drinks he’d allowed himself to indulge in, but that’s only a partial truth.
Buck’s shoulder grazes his as he closes the door, and something giddy and dangerous fizzes in Eddie’s chest. Even if he didn’t have much choice in the matter, he’s happy he’s here.
No, he’s happy he’s here with Buck.
None of this would mean nearly as much if someone else was here with him, grinning at Eddie over the top of the trophy, staying plastered to his side at the bar, following him into their shared hotel room. It’s enough to make him question why he had been so reluctant to come in the first place.
With a contented sigh, Eddie sits down heavily on the end of the bed. Buck watches him for a moment, his hands flexing at his sides. It looks like he’s debating something, and the tension that’s been building between them all night is like a physical presence in the room now.
When Buck steps forward and drops to his knees, Eddie lets out a strangled noise.
“What are you…?” the end of his question vanishes into the ether as Buck tilts his head up, his cheeks pink and blue eyes glazed over. Eddie heart stutters.
“Your ankle,” Buck says with a frown. “Wanted to make sure it’s all right.”
Eddie rolls his eyes. “I barely even feel it,” he says, and it’s almost true.
“You sure? You don’t need me to rewrap it or get some ice or…?”
Eddie reaches out, clumsily covering Buck’s mouth with his hand. “It’s a mild sprain. I just need to stay off of it, and I’m already doing that.”
Buck mumbles something into Eddie’s hand, but it’s hard to decipher it when all Eddie can focus on is the way Buck’s lips are moving against his palm. It tickles a little, but it also sends his mind down a dangerous path that he’s been carefully avoiding for a long time.
When Buck’s hand wraps around his injured ankle, it sends a jolt straight to Eddie’s dick. His jeans are tight enough that he doesn’t have to worry about Buck noticing — at least not yet — but that thought leads to thinking about Buck looking at his crotch, and he really needs to focus on something else before it becomes an even larger problem.
“Why didn’t you go talk to that guy at the bar?” Eddie asks. “The one who was staring at you.” Apparently, his brain really sucks at picking conversation topics when he’s distracted.
Buck raises an eyebrow, drawing Eddie’s attention to the flushed red of his birthmark. “Pretty sure I wasn’t the one he had his eye on.”
Eddie feels oddly pleased by the jealous spark in Buck’s eyes. “You still could have talked to him. A few minutes of that trademark Buckley charm and you might have ended up back at his place instead of this boring hotel room.”
“Boring?” Buck scoffs. “I get to hang out with the guy who fought through a traumatic injury to win us a giant-ass trophy. What’s boring about that?”
“I think you might be exaggerating a bit,” Eddie says, even though he’s grinning so wide his cheeks ache. “And hanging out here is obviously the boring option when you could be out there having freaky sex with a hot guy.”
“I don’t know.” Buck tilts his head to the side. “I’ve had plenty of freaky sex. And you’re way hotter than that guy anyway.”
Heat floods Eddie’s body. God, he wants to kiss Buck. Right now, he might want it more than he’s ever wanted anything. It’s not a new thought, but this is the first time he’s allowed himself to dwell on it with Buck in such close proximity.
“What does it feel like?” The words are out of his mouth before he can stop them, and he’s too curious to regret it — or maybe he’s just more drunk than he thought.
Buck gives him a confused frown. “What does what feel like?”
Eddie has to gather his courage before saying, “Getting fucked by a guy.”
Buck’s mouth drops open, eyes darkening as his grip on Eddie’s ankle tightens. “You… what?”
Valiantly fighting to appear nonchalant instead of desperate, Eddie shrugs and says, “I’ve heard it feels good, but you’re the one here with first-hand experience.”
“Jesus Christ, Eddie,” Buck groans, dropping his head to Eddie’s knee.
“Unless you’re a top?” Eddie ventures. “I guess I shouldn’t assume.”
“I do both,” Buck mutters, still hiding his face.
“Okay.” Eddie fights the urge to bury his hands in Buck’s hair. “So how does it feel?”
Buck looks up, studying Eddie’s face like he’s trying to figure out if he’s serious. “It feels…” he breaks off with a breathy laugh. His hand moves further up Eddie’s leg, only an inch or so, but it still sends goosebumps racing down Eddie’s arms. “It feels really fucking good. I mean, being on the other end is great, too. But you know that. I mean… not with a guy, obviously. But the general…” Buck flails his free hand, finally finishing the sentence with, “…idea.”
“That’s all you’re gonna give me?” Eddie bites back a grin. He doesn’t know why he’s not just letting this go, but he’s feeling loose and warm and happy, and he really wants to find out how much more flustered he can make Buck. “Maybe I should go back to the bar and find that guy, see if he can give me more details.”
Buck makes a sound that’s almost a growl as his grip tightens even further, sending a quick stab of pain up Eddie’s leg that makes him gasp. His body must be thoroughly confused, because the sensation is making his dick even harder. “You’re not going anywhere on this ankle,” Buck rasps.
Eddie hums, flexing his leg and feeling delighted when Buck’s hand doesn’t let him move an inch. “I can think of a few activities I could do in a hotel room with a bum ankle.”
That makes Buck freeze in place, staring up at Eddie like he’s lost his mind. “Was that… a sex joke?”
“What do you think?” Eddie asks with a snort.
“No?” Buck says slowly. “Because you’re straight?”
It’s getting harder to pretend that his heart isn’t about to ricochet out of his throat. “Maybe,” he says, his voice shaking too much for it to sound casual. “But maybe the only way to know for sure is to try it.”
There’s a single beat of complete silence and then, in a rush, Buck says, “It should be me.”
Eddie takes a careful breath, hoping he’s trained his face well enough that his expression isn’t just screaming, yes, yes, please, fuck yes. “It should be you?” he echoes.
“That guy doesn’t even know you,” Buck continues, and it sounds like he’s begging. “And he looked like an asshole anyway. I would do a much better job. If… if you wanted to try it.”
God, Buck looks so pretty like this — on his knees in front of Eddie, so eager to please, his face flushed and red and perfect. There’s a tiny voice in the back of his mind whispering that this is a bad idea, that letting himself have this with Buck only once might be worse than never having it at all, but that voice is quickly drowned out by the desperate want flooding the rest of his body.
“I do,” Eddie whispers. “I want you to… to fuck me. Want to know how it feels.”
Buck lets out a whine, and that sound alone would be enough to make Eddie rock hard if he wasn’t already. He’s spent more time than he’ll ever admit imagining variations of this exact scenario, which must be why this feels so much like a dream.
“Is that a yes?” Eddie asks when a few more seconds tick by without a word from Buck.
Instead of answering, Buck surges up and slams his mouth into Eddie’s. It knocks him back, and his hands scramble for a hold on Buck’s shirt to keep himself upright. Even though the impact definitely split his lip, and Buck is kissing him with a lot more enthusiasm than finesse, it’s still the best kiss he’s ever had. It lights up his body and stokes the heat in his gut, and he needs to get Buck even closer.
Gradually, Eddie guides the kiss into a slower pace, letting out a low moan when Buck nips gently at his lower lip and then slips his tongue into Eddie’s mouth. He tastes like whiskey and lemon, and Eddie has never felt this kind of hunger before.
He gives Buck’s shirt a hard tug and lets himself fall back onto the bed, their mouths only parting for a moment before Buck dives back in. Their bodies still aren’t close enough for Eddie’s liking, and he lets out a whimper as he tries to push himself up and close the distance.
“Sorry,” Buck says breathlessly when he finally pulls back. He leans in to lick at the corner of Eddie’s mouth. “Didn’t mean to make you bleed.”
“Could’ve fooled me.” Eddie’s head is spinning. He’s never felt this horny in his life — didn’t even know it was possible — and he’s a breath away from begging Buck to just fuck him already.
Buck presses his face into Eddie’s neck. “You really want this? I’m not hallucinating?”
“I might change my mind if you take any longer,” Eddie grumbles, trying to wrap his legs around Buck and wincing when his ankle protests the awkward angle. Buck makes a distressed noise and Eddie sighs. “Yes, Buck. I want this.”
“And it’s okay if you decide you’re still straight after,” Buck says, his breath warm against Eddie’s skin. “No pressure.”
Eddie is very certain that’s not going to happen, but he appreciates the sentiment. “So what now?”
“We get you ready,” Buck says. “We probably need your pants off, but you can leave your shirt on if you want.”
Eddie rolls his eyes. “I’m not keeping my shirt on. You’ve seen me shirtless a million times.” He pushes on Buck’s chest and snorts when he flops off to the side. “You gonna make me do all the work myself?”
Buck pushes up on his elbow, his eyes sliding down Eddie’s body before he seems to catch himself, face turning even brighter red as he looks away.
“You’re allowed to look at me,” Eddie says, his fingers clumsily working at the buttons on his shirt. I want you to look at me. “Might make things kind of tricky if you don’t.”
“Sorry,” Buck replies sheepishly. “I guess I’m not used to… being allowed to.”
Eddie’s stomach flips, but he does not have the time to figure out whatever that means. He focuses on getting his shirt off, tossing it to the floor before moving to straddle Buck. “Well, I’m giving you permission, so.”
Buck nods up at him dumbly. “Yeah. Yeah, okay.” His hands land on Eddie’s hips as his gaze stutters across Eddie’s chest. “Your, uh… your pants are still on.”
“Mm-hmm.” Eddie bites down on his lower lip. “Think you could help me with that?”
After another eager nod, Buck moves his hands to Eddie’s fly. He gets the button open and then pauses with a shiver. “Are you… you’re hard?”
“Does that surprise you?” Eddie asks with a laugh, rolling his hips forward into Buck’s hand. The pressure isn’t nearly enough, but it still feels divine. He really hopes the plan for tonight involves Buck getting his hands on Eddie’s cock more directly.
“A little,” Buck admits. His fingers tremble as he undoes the zipper, and the way he strokes Eddie’s dick on the way down feels deliberate — although maybe that’s wishful thinking. “Can’t believe you’re real.”
The awe in Buck’s voice makes Eddie’s heart pound. “I can’t believe you’re taking so long.”
“You’re the worst,” Buck says, so fondly that Eddie can’t help but lean down and kiss him. Buck’s arms wrap around his back and he rolls them over, trapping Eddie beneath his weight. “Still sure about this?” he whispers, pressing his lips to Eddie’s jaw.
Eddie nods emphatically, lifting his hips so Buck can slide his hands beneath the waistband of his pants. “I’m sure.”
It takes some work, but Buck eventually manages to strip Eddie of his pants and underwear. When he settles between Eddie’s legs, mere inches from his cock, Eddie can’t hold back a loud groan.
He was wrong before. This can’t be a dream. His imagination is not nearly creative enough to come up with something this vivid.
“Jesus, Eddie.” Buck sounds wrecked. “Why didn’t you tell me you had such a pretty dick?”
Eddie shudders out a laugh, his thighs aching with the effort it takes to hold still. “You gonna do something about it?”
Buck huffs, shooting him an exaggerated frown. “Stop trying to distract me. I’m on a mission here.” He looks down, gently pressing Eddie’s legs wider, and then freezes. “Uh… Eddie?”
“Yeah?”
“Did you…” Buck’s brow furrows, and Eddie tries very hard not to feel self-conscious. “Did you prep?”
“What?” Eddie tries to push himself up on his elbows, but it’s tricky with the way Buck is holding his legs open. “What are you talking about?”
Buck slides one of his hands down, and Eddie moans as Buck’s thumb brushes against his hole.
“You’re wet,” Buck breathes out, and then he’s pressing in with an easy slide. “How are you wet?”
“Is that… that’s not… normal?” Eddie stutters, shifting his hips to try and get more of Buck inside him.
“No, it’s… what the fuck, Eddie.” Buck is panting as he presses his forehead into Eddie’s thigh. “Are you fucking with me?”
“If you make me wait any longer, I’m going to murder you,” Eddie says through gritted teeth, his brain too full of Buck and wet and fuck to answer any more questions.
“So greedy.” Buck sounds delighted. “Gotta make sure, though.” He pulls his thumb back, but before Eddie can complain, it’s replaced by two of Buck’s thick fingers. The stretch barely registers as Buck spreads him open, pleasure quickly overtaking the strange newness of it.
“Need more,” Eddie begs. “Please. ‘M ready.”
“You are, aren’t you?” Buck crooks his fingers, and Eddie cries out as an electric shock zips up his spine. “All wet and ready for me, huh? Like you’re made for this.”
Maybe he is, Eddie thinks. Maybe this is what he’s meant for, being surrounded by Buck, being so full of him that there’s no room for anything else.
Oh.
It’s Buck.
Of course it’s Buck.
Eddie is in love with Buck, and the realization feels less like a surprise and more like a long-awaited sigh of relief.
He must make some kind of noise, because Buck looks up at him in concern. “Still okay?”
“Yeah.” Eddie bites back a smile, tilting his head back and rolling his hips to drive Buck’s fingers deeper. “Feels so good, baby.”
Buck lets out a broken whine, his head falling onto Eddie’s knee. “You can’t say that.”
“Why not?” Eddie reaches down with one hand and sinks his fingers into Buck’s hair, thrilling at the way Buck presses into his touch. “You don’t like it?”
“Like it too much.” Buck’s eyes flutter closed as Eddie gives his curls a light tug. “I’m trying really hard not to come in my pants right now.”
“Holy shit.” Eddie clenches around Buck’s fingers, his back arching as his body chases after more. “You’re really that close?”
“You have no idea.” Buck drags in a deep breath. “Not sure I’m gonna last.”
Eddie shakes his head. “Don’t care. Just wanna feel you.”
“Okay.” Buck runs his tongue over his bottom lip. “Okay.”
He sits back, pulling his hand away, and Eddie tries not to think about how empty he feels. Buck starts to undo his pants, but then he stops and closes his eyes, swearing and muttering something under his breath.
“What’s wrong?” Eddie asks.
“I don’t… fuck. I don’t have any condoms.”
Eddie swallows back his initial reaction, which is something along the lines of fuck it, who cares, and tries to grasp for whatever responsible part of his brain is still functioning. “Do we need one?”
“I’m clean,” Buck replies quickly. “And you haven’t… I mean, if you don’t mind the mess, I guess we could… I could pull out.”
Maybe the fuck it part of his brain is winning after all, because every atom of Eddie’s body rejects the last part of Buck’s scrambled sentence. “If you pull out, I’m taking you out of my will.”
Buck’s mouth drops open and he folds into himself, his hand pressing against his crotch. “Oh my God. Please shut up.”
Eddie grins, feeling almost vicious. “Make me.”
“You’re a menace,” Buck grumbles weakly, shoving his pants down to his knees and wrapping his hand around the base of his weeping cock.
It’s far from the first cock Eddie’s seen, but he thinks it might be the biggest. And that thought sends sparks racing across every inch of his skin.
Buck stretches to grab a pillow, tucking it under Eddie’s hips as Eddie wraps his mind around the fact that this is actually happening. He’s in love with Buck — thinks maybe he has been for a long time — and he’s seconds away from knowing what Buck’s dick feels like inside him. And sure, he doesn’t know what will happen after, whether this is a one-time thing or something more, but maybe it’s enough that for right now, Buck wants him.
“Come on, baby,” Eddie murmurs, low and teasing. “Show me how good it feels.”
Buck groans, positioning himself over Eddie and leaning in to give him a lingering, slightly messy kiss. Eddie hums against his mouth, tugging at Buck’s hips and shuddering when their cocks slide together.
“I’m serious, Eddie,” Buck whispers tightly, still so close that their lips brush. “I’m barely holding on here.”
Eddie laughs. “Guess you better hurry up then.”
At long, long last, Buck shuffles down and lifts Eddie’s uninjured leg onto his shoulder. His chest heaves as he takes a deep breath, and then the head of his cock is pressing against Eddie’s rim.
And maybe Eddie should want to take this slow, drag it out so he can remember every single detail. But it already feels like he’s been waiting an eternity, so he wraps both of his legs around Buck, ankle be damned, and digs his heels in.
With a strangled cry, Buck surges forward and buries himself to the hilt. It knocks the wind out of Eddie, and he’s never been so happy to have to gasp for breath.
“Holy fucking shit,” Eddie pants when he’s able to speak again. He’s so full, but there’s none of the pain he was expecting — just delicious pressure and pure contentment, like he should have been doing this all along. “Buck, that feels…”
“Please stop talking.” Buck groans, sagging forward into Eddie’s chest. He’s trembling like a leaf, his hands digging into the mattress. “If you move a single muscle, I will come.”
“No, you won’t.” Eddie rests his hand on the back of Buck’s neck, scratching lightly. “Because you want to be good for me, right? And good boys don’t come until they’re told.”
Buck moans a string of nonsense into Eddie’s skin, which is the best possible response he could have received.
Since Eddie’s not a complete monster, he gives Buck a moment, running his other hand gently down his back.
“So good,” Eddie whispers. I love you, I love you, I love you. It takes a conscious effort to keep those three words unspoken. “You’re being so good. I’m so glad it’s you.” His heart aches and aches and aches until he thinks it might explode.
Buck lifts his head, starting a trail of kisses on Eddie’s chest and slowly moving up until he’s grazing his mouth along Eddie’s jaw. “Can I move now?” he asks, as if he wasn’t the one begging Eddie to stay still moments earlier.
“That depends.” Eddie rolls his body slowly, testing how much room he has to move beneath Buck’s weight. “Think you can handle it?”
“Yeah.” Buck pushes himself up. “Yeah, I-I’m good. I’m okay.”
“Well, then. Show me what you got.”
Just as Eddie hoped, Buck takes that as a challenge. He adjusts Eddie’s legs, bracing himself on the bed with one hand as he pulls almost all the way out before slamming back in. It stings where their bodies slap together, and Eddie finds himself wishing Buck would leave some kind of mark on him — some proof that will last beyond tonight.
That desire burrows its way into the center of Eddie’s chest, and he channels it into his fingers as he rakes them down Buck’s spine. At the very least, maybe he can leave some marks of his own.
“So fucking wet,” Buck groans as he thrusts in again. “Jesus, you’re perfect.”
Eddie sighs happily, tilting his hips up to meet the next thrust. He lets out a surprised cry when the new angle pushes Buck’s cock into his prostate, the pleasure coiling deliciously in his gut.
“Do that again,” Eddie begs, planting his feet to try and maintain the angle himself.
“Anything you want.” Buck leans back, his hand slipping where sweat has gathered on Eddie’s leg. “Fuck. This would be easier if you were on your stomach.”
And that… well, Eddie doesn’t hate that idea at all.
“Let’s do it,” he says eagerly, slapping at Buck’s chest to move him back.
Buck lets out a surprised laugh, his face lighting up with a wide smile. “Okay, hold on.” He pulls out, and Eddie would be more upset about that if his brain hadn’t already moved on to imagining how it will feel to lie face down on the mattress as Buck pounds into him.
Eddie gets onto his knees, leaning forward to press his face into the pillow. Even though he can’t see Buck anymore, he’s still hyperaware of his movements — the bed shifting below Buck’s weight, his hand stroking up Eddie’s back, his breathing loud in the quiet room.
“Wish I could do this forever,” Buck murmurs, softly enough that Eddie’s not sure the words were meant for him. He drags his hand back down, stopping to squeeze Eddie’s ass, and then his cock is nudging at Eddie’s entrance. When he finally presses in, the deliberate drag across his prostate nearly makes Eddie scream.
He settles for whimpering loudly into the pillow as Buck, now fully seated inside him, reaches a hand around to Eddie’s neglected cock. The sudden attention feels like being shocked by a live wire, and Eddie doesn’t know whether to jerk away or lean in.
“Just relax,” Buck says, leaning down to plant a kiss on Eddie’s back. “Gonna take care of you.”
Eddie hadn’t even realized he was still holding something back until that moment, but he finally closes his eyes and just lets go.
The world narrows down to nothing but Buck and Eddie and BuckandEddie together, their bodies rocking into one another like they were designed for this exact purpose. His body is on fire, muscles aching and nerve endings sparking.
He’s close — close to something that doesn’t feel like any other orgasm he’s ever had. He doesn’t know if it’s the getting fucked, getting fucked by a man, or just the Buck of it all, but Eddie is certain he’s on the precipice of a brand new discovery.
“Not gonna last,” Buck pants, his hand tightening around Eddie’s cock. “What do you need?”
Eddie turns his head to the side, reaching for Buck’s other hand where it’s gripping the comforter. “Don’t stop,” he begs. “Wanna feel you come.”
Buck groans. “You first.” He grinds into Eddie like he’s trying to bully his prostate into submission, and by God is it working. Eddie is making noises he’s never made before in his life, his body tensing up like it’s about to explode, and he’s so in love with Buck he might cry.
In the end, all it takes is another well-aimed circle of Buck’s hips combined with the tight heat of Buck’s hand on his cock, and then Eddie is coming so hard he sees stars.
He makes an obscene amount of noise as he spills over Buck’s hand, but it’s impossible to care about that when it feels like he’s just had sex for the first time all over again.
Buck follows a few seconds later, his cock pulsing as he fills Eddie up. And there’s something about it — knowing that Buck’s cum is inside him — that makes him feel feral.
He doesn’t want this to be over yet. It can't be.
While he waits for his voice to start working properly again, Eddie tightens his grip on Buck’s hand and clenches down on his cock. He’s oversensitive, but that’s easy enough to ignore. The really important thing is making sure Buck doesn’t go anywhere.
Buck gasps, pressing his head down into Eddie’s shoulder. “Are you trying to kill me?”
“Don’t need to come again,” Eddie mumbles. “Just need to keep it inside.”
“Oh my God.” Buck shudders, mouthing at Eddie’s skin. “Should’ve known you were a freak.”
“‘M not,” Eddie insists, although without much conviction. He’s never thought of himself as all that freaky in the bedroom, but maybe that’s just another thing he’s been repressing.
“I’m not sure how much longer my legs will hold up.” Buck shifts, pulling his hand out of Eddie’s grip. Eddie mutters his disapproval, and Buck laughs. “Not going anywhere. Just laying us down.”
He rolls them to the side, and Eddie relaxes a bit when he realizes that Buck’s cock is still safely nestled inside him. He doesn’t recognize all these primal urges coursing through his body, but he’s too worn out and satisfied to question them.
One of Buck’s hands comes to rest on his stomach, and Eddie sighs happily. He’s never felt so content after sex, even if he’s already dreading the moment when all of his doubts and fears come racing back in.
“So, any, uh, conclusions?” Buck asks, his lips nearly touching Eddie’s ear.
Several, actually, but only one that Eddie feels brave enough to say out loud. He brushes his fingers over the back of Buck’s hand. “I’m definitely gay.”
“Oh,” Buck says, and it sounds like he just got punched in the gut. “That’s… that’s great, Eddie. I’m happy for you. Glad I could… you know… help. I mean, hey, what else are best friends for, right?”
The silence that follows is strained, and Eddie doesn’t know how to do this. Despite the fact that they’re lying on the same bed, bodies still pressed together, it feels like Buck is pulling away.
“Was it good for you, too?” Eddie asks carefully.
Buck swallows, and Eddie feels the pause all the way down to his toes. “It was really good,” he says hoarsely. “It was great. You… you were great.”
Eddie takes a deep breath, like he’s getting ready to dive off another bridge. “Any tips for next time?”
“You don’t need any,” Buck says, too casually. “You were perfect. And when you have sex with a guy for real, I’m sure it’ll be even better.”
Any lingering contentment shatters into pieces at that.
Eddie wants to yell, What the fuck do you mean ‘for real’? If I was so perfect, why don’t you want to do this again? But he’s not sure he can handle hearing Buck’s answers.
Being this close to him is suffocating now, and Eddie is suddenly aware of how sweaty and sticky he feels. There’s a sour feeling building in his gut, and he needs to get away before he makes an even bigger fool of himself.
“I should go clean up,” Eddie mutters, pulling himself away. Buck lets him go without a word, and Eddie stumbles blindly to the bathroom.
He turns on the shower, stepping in without waiting for the water to heat up.
The cold shocks him back to reality. Of course Buck doesn't want him. Why would he? Eddie has blown up every relationship he's ever had, and Buck has borne witness to most of those disasters.
They're best friends. They can move on from this. It's just one night.
With the water running down his face, it’s easier to pretend he’s not crying.
— LA, Present Day —
Eddie’s stomach turns over again, but he doesn’t have the energy to push himself up off the bathroom floor.
As his body contracts with another round of dry heaving, he’s vaguely aware of the sound of the front door opening. It can’t be Chris, unless he’s completely lost track of time. And the only person he’d texted about being sick was Chim, to let him know he wouldn’t make it to work.
But Chim knowing means everyone at the station knows, including the only person on shift today who has a key to his house.
Eddie’s heart lurches in his chest.
A familiar set of footsteps stops in the doorway, where he hadn’t bothered to close the bathroom door. “Eddie?”
Even with all the strangeness of the past few weeks, Eddie feels a massive wave of relief at Buck’s presence. He manages a muffled “Hey” as he attempts to pry his eyes open.
“Chim said you called out.” Buck comes closer, settling down next to Eddie with a grunt. “So I knew it must be bad.”
“I’m fine.” Eddie clears his throat, very aware of how much his breath must reek. “You didn’t have to come.”
“I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen you look this terrible,” Buck says. “And almost all of those were medical emergencies.”
“It’s just a stomach bug.” Eddie finally gets his eyes open, squinting up at a very blurry Buck. “Have to ride it out.”
“Well, you could at least ride it out somewhere more comfortable.” Buck reaches out and squeezes Eddie’s arm. He thinks it might be the first time Buck has touched him since that night in the hotel. “Bed or couch?”
The couch sounds safe enough, so Eddie allows Buck to help him out to the living room. Buck has saltines and ginger ale ready, which do help settle his stomach, even if the rest of his body remains on strike.
Buck moves around the house, tidying up and shooting nervous glances in Eddie’s direction every few minutes. This is the first time they’ve been alone since their trip to Nashville, and Eddie has no idea what he's allowed to say. So he bites his tongue, nibbles on another saltine, and prays Buck will break the silence.
Once he’s thoroughly exhausted the few chores Eddie hadn’t been able to get to this morning, Buck hovers near the couch for a moment before lowering himself down onto the coffee table. He looks… guilty, which doesn’t make any sense — shoulders hunched, hands fidgeting, eyes not quite meeting Eddie’s.
“How long have you been feeling like this?” Buck asks.
Eddie shrugs, shifting to sit up straighter. “This is the first day it’s been this bad.”
Buck nods, his tongue darting out to moisten his bottom lip. “But you’ve been feeling off for longer than that, right?”
Eddie swallows hard. Of course Buck had noticed. Eddie’s never been good at hiding things from him. “A week or two, I guess. I know I should go get checked out. But honestly, it was manageable until today.”
“I know.” Buck hesitates, his jaw clenching and unclenching as he studies the bottom of Eddie’s face. “Would you let me take you in to urgent care or the hospital? Maybe later today if you feel up to it?”
“You’re acting weird.” Eddie frowns. “Why are you acting weird?”
“I’m not,” Buck protests, far too quickly. “I just think it would be good for you to see a doctor, you know? Make sure you’re okay.”
Eddie narrows his eyes. It’s obvious that Buck is dancing around something, and Eddie isn’t feeling all that patient today. “Spit it out, Buckley.”
“Fuck.” Buck buries his face in his hands. “It could be nothing. Maybe I’m insane and just jumping to conclusions. I don’t know.”
“What conclusion?” Eddie asks, exasperated.
Buck blows out a heavy breath and tilts his head up to the ceiling, his words coming out in a rush. “I think you might be pregnant.”
The sentence hangs in the air, unexpected and completely absurd. Eddie would laugh if Buck didn’t look so distressed.
“What are you talking about?” Eddie’s voice comes out hollow. The word pregnant won’t stop ringing in his ears. “It’s a stomach bug. And I can’t get pregnant.”
Buck’s gaze snaps down to Eddie, his eyes a little unsure now. “You’re not a carrier?”
Eddie huffs out a pained laugh. “Pretty sure I’d know if I was.”
“Would you?”
That makes him hesitate. He would have to know, wouldn’t he? That’s not the kind of thing you find out in your 30s. Surely it would have come up at some point before now.
His brain spins through a lifetime of doctor’s appointments — granted, they’ve been few and far between — and various hospital stays. He’s been asked about it before, and he always said no without a second though. But was he ever actually tested? He can’t remember.
And okay, now that he's thinking about it, maybe his symptoms do line up a little too well with the standard pregnancy symptoms. But that doesn’t mean anything. He could list off a litany of illnesses that come with fatigue and nausea.
But what if…
“Eddie?”
He looks down, his eyes focusing in on Buck’s hand on his knee. “I’m not,” he says, but it doesn’t even sound convincing to his own ears.
“Okay. You're not,” Buck says in that stupid patient tone he uses when someone on a call is having a panic attack.
“Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?” Eddie asks, an edge of bitterness creeping into his voice. “You thought you knocked me up and it freaked you out?”
“Of course not.” Buck swallows. “I thought… I thought you were avoiding me because you regretted it.”
Eddie blinks back hot tears. “If I did regret it, it’s only because you wouldn’t even look at me after.” He tries to pull in a deep breath, but his lungs won’t cooperate. “It doesn’t matter. I’m not fucking pregnant. I can’t be.”
“Maybe we should make sure.” Buck gives his knee a squeeze, and Eddie fights the urge to slap it away. “I can drive you to the doctor, or I could… go pick up some tests.”
Instinctively, Eddie bristles. “If you’re doing this because you feel guilty…”
Hurt flashes across Buck’s face. “I’m here because my best friend is having a really shitty day, and I want to help.”
Eddie sighs, some of the fight draining out of him. “Fine. But only if you make me lunch. I’m starving.”
Eddie probably should have expected that when Buck offered to go pick up pregnancy tests, he actually meant he already had a bag of them in his car that he’d bought on the way over. Secretly, Eddie is relieved because it means Buck only has to leave for a minute to grab them, which doesn’t leave time for him to spiral into complete insanity.
“I definitely don’t need all of these,” Eddie says when he looks into the bag. There’s at least fifteen boxes in a variety of sizes and brands, which seems excessive.
Buck hums uncertainly. “I read you should take more than one, just to make sure it’s accurate. And I wasn’t sure if you had a… preference.”
Eddie shoots him a glare, but he doesn’t have the energy to put much heat behind it. “Will you still make me lunch if they’re negative? Because they will be.”
“Hey, a promise is a promise,” Buck replies with a shaky grin.
Five minutes later, Eddie finds himself back on the bathroom floor.
He had taken his time washing his hands and brushing his teeth to distract himself, but now there’s nothing to do except sit with his back against the closed door as he stares at the tiny little progress bar on the pregnancy test. He’d opted for the one that said it gave results in words instead of cryptic little lines, but it feels a bit like it’s taunting him as it counts down.
A fucking pregnancy test. If he was less terrified, this might be hilarious.
The last time he looked at one, he’d been sitting on the floor of Shannon’s childhood bedroom as she held it out to him with trembling hands. Nothing had been the same after that. And even though Chris is the best thing that’s ever happened to him, Shannon going from his best friend to his wife had made everything worse.
He doesn’t think the same thing would happen with Buck.
Not that Buck wants to be his wife, obviously. They’ll stay friends. And that’s… well, it’s not fine, but maybe he can find a way to live with it.
The more pressing question is how Buck will react if this test is somehow, impossibly, positive.
Will he freeze up like Eddie had all those years ago, struggling to come to terms with his new reality? Will he offer to drive Eddie to the nearest clinic so they can put this mistake behind them and go back to normal? Will he start scheduling play dates with Jee and Nash before Eddie’s even showing?
That last thought makes something twist in Eddie’s chest, but he’s too tired to tell if it’s fear or anticipation.
A knock comes at the door, followed by Buck’s voice. “I got lunch started. Should be ready in a few. How’s it going in there?”
“I, uh…” Eddie’s words die in his throat as the blinking progress bar disappears, replaced by a single word.
Pregnant.
Fuck.
Eddie does laugh then — a high-pitched, hysterical noise that has Buck pounding at the door.
“Eddie? Are you okay?”
No, he’s not okay. He’s clearly losing his mind, because how did he end up here?
Well, he knows how. But he hadn’t even known this was something that could happen to him until twenty minutes ago. It’s too much all at once, and his brain is starting to feel like scrambled eggs.
“I’m breaking this door down if you don’t answer me.”
Eddie forces himself off the floor, grabbing the sink to steady himself as he unlocks the door. Buck pushes in, shooting him a panicked look.
“You were right,” Eddie says, handing over the test. He turns around so he can’t see Buck’s face, fighting down a new wave of nausea as he grips the edge of the sink with both hands.
The silence that follows is agonizing, and Eddie’s eyes won’t stop burning.
“Wow,” is the first thing Buck says. He sounds awestruck, but Eddie can't let himself trust it. “Okay. And how… how do you feel about that?”
“No fucking clue,” Eddie shoots back.
As soon as the words leave his mouth, he knows they’re not true.
If this is real — if there’s actually something growing inside him that he and Buck made — he knows exactly how he feels. It’s too easy to picture a future where they’re a family, he and Buck and Chris and this baby, but maybe he wants it too much. Is he being selfish, grasping onto this opportunity to tie himself to Buck in whatever way he can manage?
“I don’t know what to do,” Buck whispers, and the anguish in his voice makes Eddie turn around. The test is still in Buck’s hands, cradled there like it’s something precious, and Eddie’s heart gives a traitorous jolt.
“You don’t have to do anything.” Eddie swallows hard, desperately fighting the impulse to move closer and ground himself against Buck’s chest. “If I… if I decide to… I mean, it was one night. You didn’t sign up for a kid.”
Instead of looking relieved, Buck looks devastated when he lifts his eyes to search Eddie’s face. “You think I would leave you to do this alone?”
“I don’t want you to feel obligated.” Eddie doesn’t know how to explain that the idea of staying just friends with Buck while they raise their child together makes him want to die.
“Obligated?” Buck’s voice breaks. “Eddie, I love you. You’re… you’re my best friend.”
It feels like a slap in the face. “Don’t say that,” Eddie shoots back. His vision is going blurry. “Don’t fucking say that. You didn’t even… we had sex, Buck. And I know you said it wasn’t real, and maybe you want to forget it ever happened, but I can’t. I just—”
Buck looks lost, and all Eddie wants to do is fix it, but he doesn’t know how. Maybe this is it. Maybe they’ve finally found the one thing that will break them.
“I’m sorry,” Buck says. “For saying it wasn’t real. I… I freaked out and said something stupid. Of course it was real.”
Eddie attempts to swallow around the tears lodged in his throat. “So it was real, but not something you want to repeat. You were just being nice. Is that it?”
“I… I don’t…” Buck stammers. His hands are shaking, and Eddie almost reaches out to steady them. “You… you shouldn’t have to be with me just because I was the first guy you had sex with.”
For the first time, Eddie’s chest fills with something like hope. He fights it down valiantly, but he has to ask the question. “But is that something you would want — to be with me?”
Buck closes his eyes. “I don’t know.”
“It’s a yes or no question, Buck.”
Eyes still squeezed shut, Buck lets out a anguished groan. “I didn’t know it was an option. I thought you were straight. But now I feel like I’ve trapped you before you even had a chance to go out there and… explore. What kind of best friend does that?”
Eddie thought he had already found the limit for how much fondness he could feel for Buck, but it turns out he was wrong. It’s practically bursting out of him at the seams now, and maybe… maybe he should stop trying to keep it all inside.
“I don’t need to explore,” Eddie says. “I don’t want to go have sex with random guys. Never did, never will. I wanted to have sex with you. Because I’m in love with you.”
Buck’s eyes fly open and he gapes at Eddie, nearly dropping the pregnancy test he’s still holding in one hand. “You’re… what?”
A smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. “I’m in love with you, Buck. And I’m starting to think you might feel the same way, but I can’t read your mind, so if you could—”
Buck makes a broken sound, and then he’s crossing the room and wrapping himself around Eddie. It startles him so much that he doesn’t have time to do anything except sink into the embrace. This isn’t what Buck does — at least not with Eddie. He always holds himself back, like he needs Eddie’s permission, needs Eddie to be the one to reach out and touch him first.
It’s always struck him as odd, considering the easy way Buck reaches out and grabs hold of everything else he wants. But maybe he’s starting to understand.
“I’m sorry,” Buck says, his voice muffled by Eddie’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry. I should have just talked to you, but I was so scared. I felt like I screwed everything up and I was going to lose you no matter what I did, and I couldn’t take it.”
Eddie cradles the back of Buck’s neck, settling into the rightness of having Buck close to him again. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”
“And I do,” Buck whispers hoarsely. “I do love you, so fucking much. God, you have no idea.”
Eddie thinks he might have some idea. “I love you more.” He breathes Buck in, finally letting himself feel safe. “And not to jump too many steps ahead, but how do you feel about kids?”
Buck laughs wetly, lifting his head to press their foreheads together. “Amazing. Incredible. Love them to bits.”
Eddie reaches for Buck’s hand and brings it to his stomach, his heart pounding when Buck’s breath catches. “And how do you feel about this one?”
Buck slips his hand beneath Eddie’s shirt, caressing his skin and smiling softly as he says, “I love this one.”
And suddenly they’re eight years younger, and Eddie is sitting in the back of a fire engine, heart skipping a beat as he tells Buck about Chris for the first time. Some part of him had known then, instinctively, that he could trust Buck with his son. He feels something similar now, only strengthened by years of evidence.
They were always meant to end up here, one way or another. And maybe they should have figured it out sooner, but Eddie can’t make himself regret any of the steps that led them here. Not when Buck is standing in front of him, solid and real, kissing him and holding him and loving him.
“We’re really doing this?” Buck whispers, nuzzling at Eddie’s jaw. “We’re having a baby?”
Eddie grins. “Well, we already have one kid. What’s one more?”
Bucks hums, sliding his hand to Eddie’s hip and squeezing. “Now that you mention it, why stop at two?”
“Easy, tiger.” Eddie gives Buck a playful push, nudging him toward the doorway. “You can’t get me more pregnant than I already am.”
“You won’t even let me try?” Buck gives him an exaggerated pout, but his eyes are dancing.
Eddie laughs and plants a kiss on Buck’s cheek. “Feed me some lunch first. Then maybe we’ll talk.”