Chapter Text
Over a stack of overdue bills sitting in front of his door for days, a red envelope slipped through the gap caught his attention. He made a mental note to pick it up later, and didn’t dare to look at the other mail, fearing it would make his problems more real than they already were.
Curled beside a plate with a half-eaten toast and cold coffee in a chipped mug, Kyle was working his courage to talk to his parents he had to move in back with them. For a short time, he hoped, but at this point, he didn’t even have a car to sleep in if he were to be evicted tomorrow.
He sighed, phone on his belly going up and down, screen lightning up, a text notification from his mother.
Ma: That’s great, bubbe! We will pick you up tomorrow at the airport, just call to tell us your flight number and arrival time. Love you.
Kyle would definitely text his mother the details, if he called, there was a risk of blurting the truth over the phone and coming home would be much more difficult and humiliating than it already was.
He got up, breadcrumbs falling on the carpet. He had to clean up everything, box what he had left, get this over with. He was tired of rewinding everything on his head, tired of thinking, tired of trying.
He didn’t even bother to scroll his LinkedIn today, all that fake cheerfulness of happy exploited people and worse, obnoxious CEOs bragging about exploiting the same people made him sick. Just months ago he was an HR analyst, he knew all this bullshit didn’t matter. Grilling his brain over this, using his psychology degree to overthink things like this wasn’t getting him anywhere. He might as well suck it up and go help his father at the firm while listening over and over how he should have gone to law school instead.
“God…” he pleaded to himself, quietly, massaging his temples.
-x-
Kyle didn’t have much to pack. Only his clothes, a few books, his laptop, and a coffee pod machine. Not that he was into a more frugal lifestyle, just that he had to sell most of his things. This coffee machine was what he had left of his dream, of having his own office, his own business. He bought in on a whim, before his plans crumbled under his feet and held onto it, as it was a reminder of how close he got. He looked at the chipped mug on the sink, thinking it was probably better to leave it there, the little houseware he had; bargain china and cheap cutlery weren’t worth the weight.
Suitcase closed, he booked his flight to Colorado with what was left in his bank account, knowing if he hadn’t postponed this whole situation, he could have bought tickets at a much lower rate. Everything just added to burden of how dumb he felt. He texted his mother all the information she needed and decided to sleep early, leaving everything right on the door, noticing his mail was still sitting there.
Stuffing his overdue bills inside his backpack, Kyle held the red envelope, flipping it over, sent from his alma mater’s alumni office. He opened it, showing an invitation to a 10-year class reunion of the business school he still regrets having attended. With a dark chuckle, he tossed it away.
His stomach rumbled but he didn’t feel like eating.
-x-
Running through the airport, Kyle used his last change to buy an overpriced americano and a dry bagel on the way. He had woken up late and dizzy, his blood sugar lower than it should. Being the last to board, stewards glared at him as he sat in the last row, gladly no one sitting by his side. Small victories.
He drank a soda from the cart to make sure he wasn’t going to die on his way home, although he could feel the reflux of mixing it with the coffee from before. Looking through the window brought him back to sleep, and soon he was in Denver.
-x-
Kyle dragged himself along with his suitcase, queasy, a little bit from anticipation, and the overload of carbonated caffeine from hours ago.
“Bubbe!!” His mother nudged every person in front of her to reach and hug him, Kyle accepted, taking in all the love she had to offer, before he could crush her with disappointment.
“Mom…” he closed his eyes, ignoring everyone else.
“Oh, sweetie. You’re so skinny!” She squished him “So pale!” she pinched his cheeks. “I know how you are; you must be overworking!”
“I…”
“It’s okay, I’ll take care of you!” She pulled the handle of his suitcase with one hand, and held his arm with the other “I made all your favorite dishes, Dad and Ike are waiting for you at home”
“Ike is here?” as it wasn’t bad enough to tell his parents about his situation, his brother would be there to witness it.
“Yes, yes! He came back for the holidays!”
“This early?”
“He said he needed a quiet place to write his thesis! Can you believe he’s already a doctoral candidate?”
“Yeah… it’s great”
“I mean, I’m proud of you too! Ivy league graduate and went to such an esteemed business school!”
Kyle wanted the ground to swallow him up. But before he could say anything, they both heard a commotion coming from arrival.
“It’s him!” some lady screamed.
“Oh my god!” another yelled, running.
The yells and screams coming from a large crowd occupying the terminal made Kyle turn his head, even though he could imagine what all this fuss was all about.
Behind sunglasses, a facemask and a cap, there he was. Unmistakable.
“Bubbe, isn’t he your—"
“It’s Theo!! AAAAH!” the group screamed, flashing cameras at his direction.
What is worse than your baby brother excelling in life earlier than you? Maybe your childhood rival is doing way better in life with half of your effort. However, he didn’t have to greet this one.
“Let’s go, Ma. I can’t stand all this noise” he took the handle from his mother and rushed her along.
“O-of course, honey. Let’s go” she ran her hand over his back in small circles, trying to keep up with his pace.
-x-
Kyle looked at that stupid giant horse outside the window and turned his face back to the windshield, facing a huge line of cars trying to exit the airport. He let his mother recount all the hubbub about her book club, knowing very well all that judgment would soon fall onto him, even if she held back the insults when he became the subject.
He was used to God playing games with him. He thought he could spend a quiet time hiding at his childhood home, at best trying to avoid his parents as shame and guilt weighed over him, but now not only was his prestigious brother at home early this year, but another ghost also came back to haunt him. He closed his eyes, supporting his head, hand covering his mouth, holding back an hour or so ‘til South Park.
-x-
When they arrived, Kyle greeted everyone normally. He had lunch as if everything was just great and went up to his room to unpack his clothes, keeping his other stuff stored inside his suitcase, avoiding giving his situation away, feeling like a psychopath, a criminal, keeping appearances like that in front of his family.
He needed to rest first. To cry the rest of his feelings in the shower, so he wouldn’t shed a tear in front of his parents, make it easier for everyone. Things happen. He was too naïve. His parents were right. He should have gone to law school. Etcetera.
He declined dinner saying the 4-hour flight had worn him out. His body hit his thin single matters like a rock. He slept anyway.
-x-
Kyle woke up in a cold sweat at 2:55 am. He got up and slipped through the door quietly, making his way downstairs. He opened the fridge and there was a plate ready for him. He decided to make a cheese sandwich instead; he didn’t want the microwave noise to wake anyone. It was so silent being back home, in this quiet mountain town. He ate staring at snowflakes falling down.
Sleepless still, Kyle took Ike’s coat from the rack and went outside. He found half a joint and a lighter in his pockets, deciding his brother would forgive him if he finished it. Firing up every hit with this mal-functioning lighter, sparkles illuminated his face.
“Your jew-ass is so cheap you can’t buy a new lighter?” said a too familiar voice, coming from the side of the house, approaching.
“What are you doing here?”
“Taking a walk”
“At my house?”
“Around the neighborhood. I saw a flickering light, I thought it was your brother.”
“What do you want with him?”
“Kill him and give his head in a plate to your mother.” He deadpans. “Dude what’s up your ass?” he said, taking a seat beside Kyle.
“You are”
“Hah, you wish,” he took the end of the join from Kyle’s hands, reaching his pocket to pick up a zippo to lit it.
“What the fuck do you want, Cartman?” Kyle snatched the butt away from him.
“Dunno, I’m bored.”
“Yeah? What d’you came back then?” right now the best thing was to take the focus away from himself.
“’Cause I’m in between projects. Trying to convince my mother to move to California and live close to me so I don’t have to visit this fucking town every damn year.” Kyle could see him closer now. Heterochromatic eyes and pinked nose from the cold. Skin looking better than before, a heavier but healthier build. Hazelnut locks flattened by his beanie. Still very much like him. “Hello?”
“Huh?”
“I asked what you’re doing back here. You got this stoned from one joint? Weak.”
“I’m not stoned,” he wasn’t “just tired. I’m staying with my parents for some time”
Cartman hummed “is everything ok with them?”
“Do you even care?” Kyle arched an eyebrow.
“I mean, I wouldn’t serve you a parents stew if they were sick or something, it would be like, rotten meat” Kyle was too tired to come up with a rebuttal and Cartman noticed “Ok, I get it. Enough cannibalism jokes” He smiled and Kyle wanted to punch him. “It’s just that, if I can recall correctly, you said and I quote-“ Cartman cleared his throat “’I’m not coming back to his hellhole ever again! I’ll make something of myself!’” he mimicked Kyle’s voice.
“So what? I can’t come back to see my parents because I said some stupid shit when I was eighteen?”
“And did you?”
“What?” he knew what. Kyle was just buying time.
“Made something of yourself?”
By now, Kyle thought he knew. Maybe Cartman did know and wanted him to admit defeat.
“I tried,” it escaped through his lips.
“That counts, I guess”
“I don’t need your pity, Cartman. Go home.”
“I’m not pitying you. Why the fuck would I? You got into your preppy school, probably made a bunch of money or whatever.” Cartman supported his weight on his arms, leaning back, looking at the sky, snowflakes melting on his skin.
Kyle looked at him, tired as ever “So you don’t know.”
“What? IRS got you or something and you’re hiding in here?” he turned his head to look at Kyle.
“Dude, if you are here just to gloat…”
“Oh my fucking god, what did you do? If I already knew you bet your ass I’d start with that.” He closed his eyes “It’s okay if you don’t want to say, though.” He laid on his back, his puff jacket absorbing the puddles of snow. “Just so you know I’m a busy man now, I’m literally always working, so if you committed another war crime, it’s not like Hollywood cares to pass the word around”
He could be using reverse psychology. Kyle knows that trick now. But even if he was, maybe Kyle could open up to someone who couldn’t judge him in any way. Maybe it would make it easier. “Fine.” Kyle joined him on the deck, wheezing. “Yes, I went to an Ivy league. I majored in psychology and after graduation I went to business school. Hold it.” Kyle blurted, knowing Cartman had remarks “I had this idea and thought it would be better to go to business school so I could develop it further, and maybe find someone to finance it”
“Ooooh boy.”
Kyle shushed him “I don’t want to go into details, but I wanted to make a service where we could match a patient with the best approach to the person’s issue. It would be a paid service and with part of the profit we could finance some pro bono clients as well.”
“It’s a good idea”
“I know it is! I don’t need you to tell me that! Just... Anyway. I learned a lot of things that are in fact important to learn about running a business... and made some friends…”
“Oh Jesus, you told everyone your idea and they stole it.”
“For Moses, let me finish, okay?” Kyle pushed his index finger on Cartman’s lips, feeling his warm breath and removed it quickly “I didn’t tell everyone, okay. I didn’t even tell the person who stole it before we were already working together. We were working together but the S.O.B. registered another company with the same concept, before I could register mine.”
“So this person socialnetwork’d you.”
Kyle sighed “Basically, yes”
“And let me guess, nobody stood by your side.”
“Yep,”
“So now you’re here so your father can sue them?”
“No. I did sue them, a long time ago, on my own. And lost” Cartman’s expressions were annoying him “I know, I know. You think I’m stupid to pay for it, but I thought a small-town lawyer like my dad wouldn’t make a difference.”
“Damn, that’s cold. And that’s coming from me.” Cartman pointed to himself.
“Yeah, I’m aware how it sounds, and I already feel bad enough, okay? But I also didn’t want to bother him. I tried my best to make it work, to rent my own office, find funding elsewhere, but that person had the means to make it work better and faster than me. He even got some major tech bro to invest so yeah, I admit defeat. I found another work, a desk job like everyone else, it wasn’t my dream, sure, anyway, I was able to live on my own for some time…”
“But…?”
Kyle took a deep breath, “In this economy…”
“Yeah, I know…”
“No, you don’t! You are a fucking movie star! What do you know?”
“Uh, I don’t know, Kyle! Maybe what I went through my whole life? What my mom went through? Everything I’ve ever lived before I made it? And it wasn’t easy by the way. Don’t act like you’re the mayor of financial struggle because you’re not!”
“I’m allowed to feel bad,” Kyle mumbled, churning the sting.
“Yeah, you are. He screwed you over.” Cartman turned his face back to the sky, as if he was genuinely outraged by proxy for Kyle and suddenly embarrassed because of that. “Just find a way to screw him back”
“I don’t want to. I don’t’ want to have anything to do with that person anymore.” Kyle frowned, remembering.
Cartman faced him again, eyebrows creased “Please tell me you weren’t sleeping with the person who stole your idea.”
“I….”
“Oh. My. GOD!”
Kyle hid his face in his hands “Shut up! I know I was doubled screwed, before you say that to me!”
“Didn’t they teach you at fucking business school you shouldn’t mix personal and professional life?!”
“They did, ok! I just thought…. I just….” Kyle didn’t want to cry. He didn’t. He shouldn’t.
Without a warning, a snowball hit his face. It melted down on his face, he blinked and Cartman was snickering.
“You fucking…!” Kyle jumped down to gather snow on the ground, and when he turned to throw, another ball hit his face again “…asshole!!” he threw it blind anyway.
“Hah, you missed!” Cartman pointed at Kyle, and Kyle used the opportunity to score a perfect hit.
“Fucking dick.” Kyle sat back again by his side. “And keep it down, I don’t want to wake my parents”
“You haven’t told them too, right?”
“How can you guess everything just like that?”
“Your face” Cartman pinched his cheeks “you give it away easily, if you ever want to run a business, you should learn how to lie.”
“Yeah, maybe you should teach me, you’re the expert.”
“Damn fucking right I am! And now I win my bread by lying to the camera and people love it.”
“Yeah, something good had to come from your talents…”
“So you admit I have talents, huh? You’re fan?”
“Don’t read too much into it” Kyle rolled his eyes and thought the warm feeling on his cheeks were from the cold, and not something else “And I’m not a fan, I’m a witness.”
“I mean, you were always more like an accessory. Don’t even pretend you weren’t” he pointed at Kyle.
“Whatever.” Kyle was starting to feel sleepy again, tiredness wearing him down.
“You should use everything you learned with me and get your revenge.”
“I don’t want to. I have other things to worry about and I’m too tired.” Kyle covered his face with his arm; he could sleep right there on the cold deck. “there’s even a goddamn class reunion, so fucking stupid…” he yawned. “Why people from business school want a reunion for…?”
“To scam someone, maybe. To brag…” Cartman sounded sleepy too. Why wouldn’t he just leave already?
“Yeah, probably” Kyle’s eyelids felt heavier and heavier.
“You should show up”
“Oh, what a great idea, I'm gonna show up there so everyone can laugh right on my face” or worse, he thought, pity him “No, thanks.”
“Dude, you know everyone lies in this kind of event, right? Besides, nobody even cares enough to check. Just go there to fuck around with them. Say you won the Nobel prize or something like that.”
“Yeah, well, now it’s easier to check, just pick up your phone to find out.”
“Jesus, you have all of them on LinkedIn or something?”
“I mean… It’s networking”
“Networking with people who screwed you?”
“LinkedIn is not the problem”
“You have them all on every fucking app, don’t you?”
“…” he did.
“Okay, I don’t think I have more energy to keep ripping on you like that. Just deactivate them all.”
“Why?”
“So you can appear at your reunion and lie you won big and all” Cartman yawned too.
“I don’t want to do that.”
“You should. It would be fun. Maybe show up last minute and say you have a bomb attached to your chest, that would made them apologize really quickly” Cartman giggled.
“What the fuck, Cartman? You have such a twisted idea of fun… And what would I even say? I won the lottery? Rent a sports car to back it up? I’m not doing the bomb thing, that would end up with me arrested... or worse.”
“Nah, winning the lottery is not that interesting… wait…”
“Oh god, here it comes”
“Since you were already hot and heavy with that dude…”
“I never said those words,” and Kyle regretted deeply having shared that.
“Just listen. Find a guy to pretend he’s your rich husband. What’s better than working and winning big than not working and winning big? Just show your ex you’re better off without him”
Kyle didn’t exactly agree with that, not all of it at least, but he was way too fatigued to argue.
“You could ask Stan. He’s in a band, right? All famous and edgy. That’s cool I guess. I’m sure your ex must be those guys with zero personality”
Kyle thought that his ex was more like… yeah, he shouldn’t even think about that, let alone say it “Stan is touring Europe right now. And married to Wendy”
“Heard they were on a break…”
“Still married.”
“Okay, and Kenny’s still poor… How about Tolkien? You guys went to business school together, right? I bet he hate these people more than you do.”
Kyle thought that yeah, Tolkien maybe would agree to something like that to help him, or he was just not thinking straight “He does. But he’s also engaged to Nichole.”
“Do your classmates know?”
“I don’t know, man. But he asked if I was going to attend and when I said no, because, just to remind you, I don’t want to, and he said he wouldn’t too. And they must know, she posted and tagged him.”
“Ugh, do you guys have to post everything? Wouldn’t be better, at least for you, to keep a low profile?”
“Don’t be hypocrite, you literally post everything you do, Theo. By the way, what’s up with that?”
“Yeah, but I’m paid to do that, genius. I barely use internet like that anymore. And I had to reinvent myself, okay? Let the past stay in the past, and not be, I don’t know, googlable or whatever. It’s not like everyone in Hollywood use their birth name anyway.”
“That’s... I don’t know...” Yawn after yawn, Kyle could barely think “surprising, I guess”
“Yeah, to keep me sane. Saner, before you say anything.”
Kyle laughed.
“What about me?” Cartman said after some time.
“Huh?”
“What about I pose as your rich husband?”
TBC