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One: The Mall Incident
Being with Est was a walk in the park for William, it was. It was as easy as breathing, as easy as picking what his favourite colour is, and as easy as doing nothing. That’s how easy it is to love Est for him.
Est was just for him; he liked to believe that he and Est were made for each other—that’s why they never fight much. Sure, they’d have disagreements, but nothing that would drive them to the brink of shouting at one another. Usually, they’d get over it by the end of the day, and the problem was never about them; it was always about other people and situations trying to insert themselves between them.
One day, he was walking with Hong on the way to the studio as they fetched some delivery from downstairs for lunch. He just bid goodbye to Est and informed the man that he would be home before dinner, and while he was typing out a reminder for his boyfriend to alarm, Hong suddenly said something.
“You’re like a guard dog.”
Stumped, he stopped walking, and Hong followed suit, and they stared at each other. “A what?”
“A dog, like a guard dog,” Hong said as the two of them continued walking. “You do realize that you hover and protect Est like you are some kind of dog, right?”
“.....I do?” He asked, completely confused.
Though, for sure, he knows that he’s protective to some extent. But it’s his first time hearing that he protects like a dog.
“Yeah, you told me about the date. Remember?”
“The date—oh.”
Hong then smirked at him and then laughed, “See, you do act like a dog sometimes. It’s not a bad thing—I don’t know, just an observation.”
The date—now that he thought about it, again. Surely, that date has strayed wrong in more ways than he can imagine. It was supposed to be a nice and peaceful date after a long time.
—
They weren’t supposed to notice; people weren’t supposed to know that William was out with his boyfriend, that was for sure—or at least in his mind, they weren’t going to notice.
But things ended up working the way he least expected them to, and it was the first time that such a thing happened to him and his boyfriend.
It was a normal day. A normal day where he was given the time to rest from his work, so he decided a date with Est, his boyfriend, would be a good idea. William dressed the way he always did when he wanted anonymity. The oversized shirt, cap pulled low, mask covering most of his face. Est walked beside him in his own cap, shoulders occasionally brushing his, and their hands intertwined as they moved through the mall.
People recognized them, of course, there’s no stopping that. William already accepted that he’d be recognized one way or another. A few stares stayed too long, but no one approached. Thai fans were kind like that. William liked it; he liked that they could just be fans from afar outside formal schedules, and he and Est could just be two people on a date.
So they walked into a small boutique in between bigger stores, the ones with fewer customers. Est instantly drifted towards a rack of sling bags, talking to himself like he usually does as he picked through lines of items, turning one over thoughtfully.
Est always shopped, but never for himself. It was always for other people, so William took it to his own to shop for his boyfriend every time. But today, he just decided to indulge. He leaned against a display, watching Est with a fondness that he had never felt for other people before. And that was all he was planning to do, really. To watch Est get lost in picking whatever he wanted and to haul out his card to pay for everything. That was until he saw the overly obvious stares of two women near the mirrors.
They kept glancing on their way, which implied that they already recognized them, and that was fine. William ignored them; he ignored the small buzz. And he could have done so for the rest of their trip there, and he did, even when he heard the rude remarks.
“Isn’t that the weird fanboy turned boyfriend?”
He looked at the mirror as one of the girls continued staring, and another was trying to pull her away. He sighed and looked away, and then glanced back at Est, who looked at him with a teasing smile.
“Okay, now, famous boyfriend. Get me a basket, will you?”
“Krubbbbb, P’Est, I’ll be back. Don’t disappear, okay?”
Est playfully rolled his eyes and shoo-ed him away; he went to grab one. And he was halfway back when he heard more than he bargained for.
“Why is he even here? He just rides William’s fame, it’s obvious. Have you seen his posts?”
William’s steps slowed down, as if he tripped over an invisible line of cable. And Est had heard it too. Because he saw his boyfriend’s hands pause for the smallest moment of a second before Est forced a smile to continue examining the bag. And while his boyfriend did not turn around, did not react, William knew.
William knew him too well not to notice how hurt Est was with the words.
“Like, why does he have to go out with him in public—”
“Hey.....stop it, he’ll hear you.”
“So what if he heard me?” the first girl said, louder this time. “It’s the truth. He’s just a parasite to William and LYKN. Even Daou and Santa.”
He took a deep breathe and then whispered to himself, “It’s fine, don’t do it, it’s not worth it.”
He could let it go; he could be patient. He should let it go because he is patient. Est didn’t like scenes too; one thing that his boyfriend hated was being in public altercations, so it’s better not do anything about it. But….but this is—
“William,” Est took his attention and then pulled him by his wrist. “It’s okay….you do not have to say anything. I’m okay.”
He stood there, holding the basket in his hands, very rightfully torn whether or not to obey Est or not. And he decided it was the right thing to do. To do whatever Est wanted, to not meddle in, to not cause a scene.
He tried.
He tried to ignore it and walk past it.
Then the girl laughed.
“Imagine having no career and just living off your boyfriend’s name. Ha….must be nice.”
That was his line. He turned around and stepped forward, setting the basket down on a nearby shelf—ignoring Est’s call for his name.
“Excuse me.” He announced himself and stood before the two girls, who were not really looking at the rack of bags, just gossiping about him and his boyfriend. When they turned around, the two girls looked at each other and then had their mouths on the floor.
“W-wait….W-William—oh my god….” The rude girl stuttered.
“This is why I told you to shut up!” The other girl said.
“See, I don’t really mind it when people talk, but I mind it very much if it’s about my boyfriend, who has done nothing wrong with you.” He said, looking directly at the woman who said rude remarks.
“I-I—I’m not—”
“You can say that, sure. You can say you didn’t say anything, or that it was a mistake. And you can also say whatever you want about anyone, about me, but you don’t get to speak about my boyfriend like that.”
“I’m—I—I did not—I’m—”
The woman helplessly looked around for help, but he wasn’t done.
“Est is not living off anything, not me, not anyone. He has work, and he has his own name. He has his own life.” By this time, Est’s hands had already made their way to his arms, and the shop had already gone quiet due to the volume of his voice. “And he’s here because he’s my parnet, because I asked him to be. That’s why if you’re—”
“Hey,” Est reached for his sleeves, shaking them this time to get his attention. “It’s okay, it’s really okay, Will.” The other whispered beside him.
“.....”
“Come on, look at me,” Est said, and William glanced at him. He felt his own body softened just a bit from the tension. And that’s when he decided that more of this spotlight, Est would already get uncomfortable, so he looked back at the girl one last time, and he finished his words.
“If you don’t like what you see, then look somewhere else.”
And that was that.
There was no shouting. There was no theatrics. There was nothing more than it should have been. Just the final words that truly expressed what he wanted to say.
He watched the second woman pull at her friend’s arm, mortified. Soon, the crowd in the small shop and the phones recording them disappeared too. William turned back to Est, picked up the basket, and held it as they walked back to the rack that they were looking at earlier.
Although his other hand was intertwined with Est’s, without hesitation, this time.
“Which one?” He asked quietly. “We’re buying a lot for the inconvenience we caused in the shop. Pick everything, P’Est.” He said and started to look for his own as if nothing happened.
And there they stayed, but not without Est sneaking in a peck on his masked cheeks and then whispering, “Alright, my dependable boyfriend, I’ll buy everything here.”
“I can pay.”
“Of course, you can.”
And that trip to the store ended with them holding 4 or 5 paper bags on the way home. Also, they went viral that night and had a few news headlines in their name by the next morning.
Nothing the company would hate, after all, bad exposure is still free advertisment and nothing more. So for William, it was a win-win situation, and another show of his devotion to Est.
Two: The Comment Section
The second time it happened, it wasn’t what he expected, either. None of the boys, or the staff, or their manager expected anything to happen. Right now, they were sitting in front of the camera as the live show went on—and it has been going perfectly.
They were gathered in the studio, LYKN sitting close together in front of the camera as they promoted their upcoming concert for the year. The mood was light, the members were joking, teasing each other, and reading fan comments from the screen beside the camera. Basically, this is how everyone expected the live would be for the rest of the hour.
William liked it when lives were like this, easy and comfortable.
He liked it more, that’s why he let his walls down in front of the camera just for a second, resting his whole body weight on Lego’s side as they talked about stories about the rehearsals. While he kept quiet on the side and just occasionally laughed or talked when needed, he watched the comment feed scroll on the monitor in front of them and on the viewer’s screen on his own phone.
At first, it was normal.
Fans are sending their own love for each member, and people are excited for their concert, sending hearts, questions, and messages. All was good until William noticed a few comments repeating in small numbers.
‘Break up with Est, William!’
‘He’s not worth your time!’
‘Go on hiatus if you’re going to do this!’
The first thought was—the audacity? But the next second, he had already ignored it. Trolls were normal; every public figure had them, and he wasn’t immune to a few. He probably had an army of trolls and haters, but he learned how to set things aside when they are not really worth his time.
So, he smiled and continued talking while Nut talked about how exhausting the special dance breaks are during their concert, that he’d probably need three oxygen tanks to be fully well when they finish.
He let his members talk, while he stared and burned holes in his own phone screen as the comments continued and only multiplied in numbers.
The same phrases appeared again and again, in different accounts, repeating them. And somehow, as he ignored them, it only got worse.
‘Break up with Est Supha!’
‘You deserve so much more!’
‘Leave him!’
And then there’s this one particular comment.
‘Leave LYKN if you’re going to be like this!’
“Right, William?” Tui said from the side, but he didn’t say anything; instead, he watched as the chat feed turned into a wall of disgusting and questionable comments about his boyfriend.
And the other members had noticed it too, now. Probably because when he took a glance at the television monitor in front of them, the comments were all about Est. William could feel his friends’ glances, and he could feel his own mood souring down for the worst.
Lego, on his goal to better the atmosphere, cleared his throat and then looked towards the camera, trying to calm everything down. “Everyone,” he said with a small laugh, “please be nice in the comment section.”
The others followed suit, trying to make the situation as normal as it could be. At the same time, Nut leaned slightly closer to him and whispered low enough that the microphones won’t feed on it.
“Calm down, don’t say anything. It will stop.”
William nodded once.
Nut returned it and gave him a tap on his shoulders before they went back to the script to answer questions. However, he kept his eyes on the screen, and it seemed like they were targeting the time of him looking at the screen and sent the hate comments at the exact time.
Another wave of rude remarks appeared on the screen.
‘I hope Est dies so William can just go back to being in LYKN (since he is worthless and really, what’s so special about him).’
He let out a huff, the sound echoing in the studio, paired with a smirk that would probably gain him a few more haters from how rude it looked in the monitor. He leaned back on the sofa and threw his phone on the side before Nut grabbed the side of his shirt, “William—”
“I’m fine,” He said, knowing well enough that Nut was going to stop him of what he was about to do.
“Then there was Dylan on his other side, reaching for his arm, “Don’t do it.”
But honestly, it was never in his plan to listen to them. He spoke, calm and smiling, just like none of the comments were actually being sent in the first place.
“I’ve been seeing some not-so-nice comments here,” He said and looked directly at the camera.
On the side, Nut pulled him harder. Dylan sighed, Lego gasped, and Tui remained quiet and looked at the staff who wrote on the small whiteboard for William to stop talking.
But no, he kept his tone casual, and he talked again. “Thanks for your warm wishes, everyone. I’ll be telling this all to my boyfriend when I get home later.”
“Oh god,” Dylan whispered on the side.
Tui and Lego are looking at the staff who are now being called by, probably, the management, and his manager, who had a gloomy face, and then Nut, who’s there to collect the scraps of the very uncomfortable situation that he just created.
But it worked, even with an atmosphere like that, it worked. The chat slowed, comments lessened, and only good and supportive ones remained. And for the rest of the live, those rude remarks never appeared again.
Although it wasn’t that surprising, it was the first time William had ever mentione dEst during a live or any official content. That’s why it wasn’t that surprising either when the next morning, the PR team requested his presence at 7 in the morning.
One of the PR representatives looked at him with disappointment, “That was really unnecessary, William.” They said.
Then another. “You cannot say things like that on live.”
Then another. “You know the guidelines well.”
And many more. But he just sat in the chair across from them, wearing the most unapologetically smug expression that he had probably ever done for someone—it was borderline rude already. But, he did not care, not one bit.
“Why did you do it? Really?” One of them asked again.
He just shrugged and then wiped off the imaginary dust on his hoodie. “They wanted my boyfriend dead, saying he was worthless and all that. And to break up with me.”
“....William—”
“I just clarified that it’s not going to happen anytime soon, and probably won’t for the rest of my career. And I said it….kindly. I don’t think I did anything wrong.”
The room quieted down.
Then one of the higher-ups asked, “You think you didn’t do anything wrong?”
“Yes,” He said without thinking. “My career is completely outside my personal engagements. My boyfriend is not a part of my contract. And my contract does not prohibit me from being in a relationship. So, if you’re asking me if I did anything wrong, then no. I did not do anything wrong.”
They all stared at him, dumbfounded. Then, finally, the same higher-up sighed deeply and dismissed him, only saying, “Thank you for your time. Please be careful next time.”
And then he was gone, heading to the studio with a smile on his face.
Then, later that night, when he got home, he was greeted with another round of scolding. But this time it was from his adorable boyfriend.
“You said what on live, Jakrapatr? I was watching the live! Why did you even said that?!”
William only grinned and stared at Est, who had an annoyed expression on as he walked around their living room, nagging here and there. Regardless, it ended the way most of their arguments did anyway—with Est still muttering complaints. At the same time, William pulled him closer, kisses interrupting every sentence until the complaining turned into soft laughter.
Eventually, Est gave up entirely and curled into his arms.
William decided the trouble had been worth it if he was going to end up with a handful of his boyfriend being sulky and demanding kisses for giving him unnecessary stress.
And who was William to say no?
He was just a boyfriend who loved Est more than anything in the world—so he gave in and gave all the kisses and hugs that Est demanded.
Three: The Fansign
The third time it happened was through William’s individual fansign.
It was all the dazzle—from bright stage lights to rows of posters stacked neatly on the side of the table and a long line of fans waiting patiently for their turn. William sat behind the single table with a marker in his hand, offering the same warm smile to each person who took their time and effort to meet him just for today, a weekday at that.
Today was especially a happy day because Est had taken a day off to accompany him to his work. To which he said yes instantly, and not to mention, his fans, who seemed to be in their best spirits today.
“How are you today?”
“Did you eat yet?”
“Thank you for coming. We haven’t seen you in a while.”
The event was as familiar as the other ones he had with his group, and the striking rhythm of the whole fansign was very familiar too—sign, smile, speak, move to the next fan. The staff guided the line carefully while cameras flashed from time to time, capturing the excitement of the whole event.
From where he sat, William tried to focus as much as he could on every fan, making sure that he was answering their questions and that he was giving in to all their acceptable requests. However, from the side, he could see Est standing near the barrier of the stage backstage.
Maybe that’s why he wasn’t getting tired. Est hadn’t been scheduled to attend this fansign, but his boyfriend surprised him that morning—saying he had the day off and could come with William. He had simply come along, cap pulled down and hands tucked casually into his pockets, trying his best to blend in with the small crowd watching the event.
William always knew where he was; it was hard to miss that man who always looked like a dream in his eyes. Every so often, as the line moved from one fan to another, William would look up and the side, and their eyes would meet. Est would give him a small, encouraging nod, sometimes a teasing smile.
William liked that; he loved it.
Being supported in quiet like this. It made the long and grueling schedule feel lighter.
With that, he continued working. Another fan sat down in front of him, sliding her poster across the table with excitement and a smile on her face. William did not expect anything, just the usual questions, because the fan did not look like she had ill intentions. There was nothing unusual about her; if anything, she looked sweet.
William uncapped her marker and smiled, and then started writing.
“Hi,” he greeted gently and then looked at her. “What’s your name?”
“Hi, it’s nice to meet you! Finally, I’m Nana.” She said and then waved. William waved back and then wrote her name, leaving a message below his signature.
“Did you wait long? It must have been hot…”
“No,” Nana said quickly and then laughed shyly. “I’m just happy I got the slot, it was hard to get the ticket….but I’m really happy to meet you. After so many years…”
“I’m glad you made it though,” he replied and drew a small smiley face on the poster before looking up. “I’m always happy to see the fans.”
He realized at that moment that the girl may have been watching too intently for comfort, but he brushed it off and instead listened when she spoke.
“Are you doing well these days?”
“Oh, yes, I’m doing well,” William said easily. “Preparing a lot for the concert, really excited for everyone to watch the stages that we prepared.”
“I see….”
Weird, really, weird. Most of the time, fans would prepare beforehand to ask questions. It was his first time having a dead air with a fan during a fansign, but he thought maybe the girl was just nervous, and it could happen.
Then she asked, “How are you and Est?”
“....Me and Est?” William repeated and blinked in surprise. Fans didn’t usually bring Est up during fan signings. Not because William hid him—they had never hidden their relationship ever since they had gone public, tragically—but fan signs were usually about the artist sitting at the table, not their boyfriend.
Still, he smiled. Not wanting to make it anymore awkward than it already was.
“We’re doing really well,” he said warmly. “Thank you for asking.”
“.....”
“Why?” The girl’s voice changed instantly, and he looked up from the table, only to see the fan’s face distorted into something hateful and angry. It gave him chills. “Why are you still with him?”
“....Pardon?” He asked, trying to lift the mood.
“Why are you still with him?!” Her hands slammed against the table. The sound echoed across the stage and everyone’s eyes, including those who were not really involved in the stage management, looked at the center.
William instinctively leaned back, not because he was scared or intimidated, just because it felt like the right thing to do.
“Sorry, I don’t—” The woman did not let him finish and then stood, hitting the table twice, loud and hard.
“Break up with him!” she shouted.
The room stopped moving, and his breathe halted on its own. “Break up with him!” she repeated, louder. “Break up with him!” And then louder.
Thankfully enough, the security reacted immediately, rushing forward to grab her arms as she struggled against them, but that did not stop her from shouting. “Break up with him! He’s going to ruin you! He’s going to ruin LYKN! Listen to—Let me go! William! Leave him!” she yelled again while being dragged away.
The venue fell into an uneasy silence. William sat there for a second, the marker still in his hand, probably dry by now. Then, his gaze shifted to the side of the stage. Est was standing where he had been earlier, in the same place. Safe and unharmed.
Their eyes met.
Est mouthed something. ‘Are you okay?’
William gave a small nod; it was the truth. It was fine, he didn’t feel anything out of the ordinary, but just a bit surprised. Nothing that would require a break, he didn’t want to inconvenience people more, and he desperately needed to get this event done.
He turned back to the fan who had been waiting awkwardly in front of him and then smiled, as usual, smiling like nothing just happened.
“Sorry about that,” William said quietly. “It must have been shocking, but let’s not let that affect our precious time. How are you?”
The fan nodded nervously. “It’s okay, I’m glad you weren’t hurt.”
William smiled again and finished signing the poster.
“That was a little scary, right?” he said and then smiled at the fan.”Still, thank you for supporting us.”
And just like that, the fansign continued. The line moved forward again, conversations slowly returning as people tried to ignore what had happened. William kept his tone light, greeting each fan like before, even if he was a little petrified now, imagining that everyone would do the same, just like what the other fan did.
Gladly, it did not.
When he looked back, there were only 2 rows of fans left. He thought the day would end peacefully at that; really, he hoped for it. But then another commotion erupted near the side of the stage, and it was louder and undeniable this time.
William looked to the side immediately, and then he saw the same girl running at the barricades. She had somehow slipped past security, and now the same girl, who was named ‘Nana,’ was grabbing his boyfriend. It wasn’t a violent touch, but tight enough to stop Est from stepping away safely.
He knew that Est was capable of pushing the girl away if he really wanted to, but the enemy in this situation is not the girl’s strength; it was Est fighting his own mind, because now, Est had already gone pale, and he wasn’t pushing her away.
Besides the fact that Est hated being touched without permission, he also knew that his boyfriend was smart enough to know that if he reacted too strongly—if he grabbed her arms or pushed her off—someone could twist the moment later. A video clip, taken out of context, could easily turn him into the aggressor.
At that moment, his chest felt warm, and he felt proud.
Est was trying not escalate the situation, but that doesn’t excuse someone from harming Est, girl or not. So he stood, and William’s chair scraped the stage loudly.
“Excuse me for a moment,” he said quickly to the fan in front of him.
Then he moved; he walked the distance in seconds. William stepped directly between them and pulled Est behind him, making sure that his boyfriend was out of sight from the agitated fan.
“Please,” He started, gritting his teeth, trying to be patient. “Do not touch my boyfriend.”
“No! HE’S NOT! Break up with him! He’s only here for fame! For attention! For your mon—”
“He is not, please, stop.” He said, and then looked around. And, thankfully, the security arrived just as the girl began shouting again, restraining her and pulling her away from the stage.
The guards apologized to him and Est, but William turned immediately.“Are you alright?” he asked.
Est nodded, though his eyes still carried a trace of fear. “I’m okay.”
“Do you want to go backstage?” he asked and fixed his boyfriend’s clothes and cap, fitting it snuggly on his head. “It’s safer there, P’Est.”
But Est shook his head. “No….I want to stay.”
William frowned slightly. “But it’s not safe for you here.”
“Neither for you. I’m worried about you,” Est added. “What if someone does the same thing to you again?”
William paused for a moment, considering that it was probably dumb to abide by his boyfriend’s words, but at the same time, he also didn’t want to lock Est behind the stage. He turned to the security team.
“Can the two of you stay with him?”
They nodded and positioned themselves beside Est.
“I need you to stay with them at all times, okay, Phi?” He asked and held both Est’s cheeks in his palms and squeezed them a bit. Squeals followed not long after, and Est’s face turned red.
“Oh god, they saw—get back on the stage!” Est said before smiling and pushing him.
And when he saw the smile, only then did William return to the table. He sat down slowly, adjusting the posters before picking up his marker again. William looked out at the crowd before he continued and picked up the microphone.
“Let’s keep things calm, please. I want today to stay a good memory for everyone here.”
The other fans nodded their heads, and there, the atmosphere slowly settled again. Fan after fan approached the table, and William spoke to each of them just as warmly as before.
But every few minutes, his eyes drifted toward the side of the stage.
Just to check.
Est was still there.
Safe. And that was all that truly mattered.
—
That night, William’s name climbed the trending charts. Some people criticized his behavior, claiming he had been rude to a fan. Others defended him fiercely, and most comments said the same thing.
That he did the right thing, William scrolled through the reactions calmly before opening his profile, and after a moment, he typed in a post.
‘My life is my life. No one will dare tell me what to do. And no one will dare tell me who to love. Have a nice night, everyone. I had a good time at the fansign.’
Four: The Thread
It was one of those days, the days that he hated. By the time William got home, the day had already drained him, and all he wanted to do was cuddle his boyfriend and sleep.
Because it had been one of those days, it was where the people on social media decided it had too much time and too little kindness. His phone had buzzed all afternoon with notifications he had eventually stopped opening. It was easier that way; he might have been used to the negativity, but that did not mean it affected him. And some things were impossible to avoid.
There’s this one thread had been everywhere.
“Reasons Why William’s Career Will Fall Because of Est.”
He had seen it. Not because he wanted to, but because it had trended long enough that it was impossible to miss. Even his members sent it to him, and he didn’treplyd to them. The thread was a hell to read. It hurt him, not because it was about him, but because he knew what it would do to Est.
It listed brands that had stepped away when William and Est went public. Old collaborations that never pushed through. Rumors of projects that had allegedly ‘fallen apart’ after his relationship became known. And those brands that were utterly homophobic and said that they won’t hire ambassadors or faces for their brands that are ‘different,’ that it doesn’t appeal to what they believe and see as the brand.
The implications of their actions were simple. Because Est was against the powerful families and even the federation of swimming, and the sports department, people thought that it was his liability.
Est was a baggage that William had gained from going public.
And that thread, William had almost laughed when he first read it. Because the thread had conveniently ignored everything else and just focused on what he lost, and not what he gained after they went public. For every brand that had left, another had come. For every opportunity lost, two more had opened. LYKN had grown bigger than ever. His career hadn’t collapsed; it only expanded.
That’s why his company couldn’t do anything against him and their relationship. Because, like what Lego said, Est was like a gift to them. And no one was denying that.
So the thread didn’t bother him, at least not for his own sake. It bothered him because he knew Est would see it too. That’s why, before going home, William stopped by the convenience store downstairs before going home, and he grabbed a few things.
Est’s favorite ice cream.
The soft bread he always picked from the bakery shelf.
And a chocolate bar he insisted he didn’t like, even though he finished it every single time.
It was a small peace offering. Just in case he wasn’t feeling well.
When he got to their place, the apartment was quiet when William opened the door, which was very unlikely because most of the time, LYKN songs would have already been blasting all over the place.
But today, it was quiet.
“P’Est?”
No answer.
He stepped inside, slipping off his shoes before heading towards the bedroom and stopped in the doorway. Est was sitting in the middle of the bed, again. Just like when he feels sad and hopeless, his boyfriend perched himself in a small place. The blanket was wrapped around him like a cocoon, his knees pulled tightly to his chest. His face was buried against his arms.
His shoulders trembled—evidently crying.
William dropped the grocery bag onto the mattress without thinking. “P’Est?” He crossed the room quickly and knelt in front of him.
“P’Est krub,” he said softly. “What’s wrong?”
Est didn’t answer.
And William waited, like always.
He knew Est well enough to recognize when quietness meant something deeper than stubbornness. He knew when to push, and he knew when to wait. After a moment, William asked quietly, “Is it about the thread?”
Est lifted his head slowly.
His eyes were red, lashes damp with tears. For a moment, they simply looked at each other. With William’s boring the worry he had building, and Est with the tears on the side. He took Est’s hands and then gave the back of his palm a peck, “What’s wrong, my P’Est?”
Then Est whispered, voice shaking gravely, “Maybe we should step back publicly.”
William felt his whole body shut down, his hands going cold, and the sweat building despite the air conditioning. He sank fully to the floor in front of the bed, still trying to anchor himself for what may come out of Est’s mouth.
“What do you mean? P’Est?”
Est wiped at his face, but the tears kept coming.
“Maybe we should say we broke up,” he whispered.
William blinked—breakup?
“And just keep it a secret,” Est added weakly. “Between us.”
William hated the idea immensely.
And he knew that Est hated it too.
“Why?” Those were the only words that he had, but Est just continued talking as if they weren’t hurting each other anymore.
“Because it’s true,” Est said with his voice cracking. “You lost things when we went public.”
“That’s not—”
“You lost brands! Projects stopped. People say it everywhere.” Est shouted, fully crying now. And William only watched as his boyfriend’s hands tightened around the blanket.
“And they’re not wrong.” He said and inhaled slowly. “But it’s not a bad thing.”
“But it is…if we just….said we broke up publicly,” Est whispered, “everything would calm down. You won’t lose more. You won’t go down. You won’t lose your career. And everything is going to be fine.
The words felt like knives. Personally, it hurt William more than he could imagine, but he tried to keep it to himself.
“You won’t have to keep fighting for me,” Est said. “I’m going to be okay.”
William leaned forward immediately and gently took Est’s wrists, pulling his hands away from his face. “Phi. Look at me.”
Est hesitated.
“Please, look at me.”
Est finally did.
“You didn’t ruin anything,” William said.
“But—”
“I didn’t lose everything.”
“You lost brands!”
“And gained more,” William replied.
“You lost projects!”
“And got better ones.”
Est’s breathing thumbed.
“You think I didn’t read that thread?” William asked.
“.....You saw it already?”
“I did. Every word. And the first thing I did was laugh because it was full of nonsense.”
“It’s not nonsense, it’s true,” Est said as he cried more.
William shook his head. “Trust me, Phi, it is. I know people are loud when they want someone to blame. And the writer of that thread is exactly just like that.”
Est’s shoulders trembled again. “You shouldn’t have to defend me all the time,” he whispered. “You’re losing everything because of me.”
“Wrong. I am not losing everything. I am gaining so much more,” William moved closer and rested his hands on Est’s knees. “And I will defend you because I want to. You can’t stop me from doing that.”
“That’s the problem!” Est cried. “You shouldn’t have to!”
William’s voice softened even more. “But I’m not defending a mistake, I’m defending the person I love. The person I wake up for every morning. The person whom I would risk my all. The person who has become my all.”
“......”
“You didn’t take anything from me. You added to my life. You make me happy. You make me excited. You make me look forward to what’s out there for you and formeu. P’Est, I love you. I have never loved anyone other than you and that will never change.”
“.......”
“I love you, my P’Est.”
“.....But what if one day it all disappears?” Est asked helplessly. William leaned forward until their foreheads touched, and then he pecked at his boyfriend’s nose and brushed his cheeks calmly.
“Then we deal with it together. I’ll be willing to start from scratch with you.”
Est’s breath shook. “I don’t want to be the reason you struggle.”
“And you’re not, you’re the reason why I continue.” William lifted his hands to Est’s face, wiping away the tears that kept falling. “You’re the reason I keep going, Phi.”
Est let out a broken laugh through his crying and then threw his hands on his face before crying more. There, William kissed his forehead. Then his cheek. Then the corner of his lips.
“You’re thinking too much again,” he whispered on Est’s lips. “Aren’t you?”
“I hate the internet,” Est muttered back and then kissed him lightly. “I hate X, but I also can’t stay away from it.”
“Me too.”
Est finally leaned forward, letting himself fall into William’s arms. William held him tightly, and that made him realize one thing. All this time, he had been protecting Est from everyone else.
From fans. From strangers. From the noise of the world.
But sometimes….Est needed protection from his own fears, too. And that was one thing that he’d be ready to make up for in every single day of his life if it meant keeping Est with him. This, William, pressing a soft kiss to Est’s forehead and hair, calming him through his tears, and making him feel loved—it was easy.
So, no, there was no way he was going to let go.
“We’re not breaking up publicly,” he said gently.
Est sniffed against his shoulder.
“Okay.”
“And we’re definitely not breaking up privately.”
Est huffed out a small laugh, making him laugh in return as well. William reached behind him and grabbed the grocery bag from the bed. He pulled out the ice cream and held it up.
“I brought offerings.”
Est stared at him, dumbfounded. “You always try to fix things with food.”
William shrugged. “It works.”
Est wiped his face again before leaning forward to kiss him. William kissed him back slowly, warm and steady. And just like that, the night had continued, without a crying Est and with their hearts full of love and warmth.
And that 1 Time, Est Protected Him
The news broke the night before. William had been in the middle of rehearsal when the first notification appeared. Then another. And another. By the time he checked his phone, the damage had already been done, and there was nothing left to salvage of his image.
Someone had leaked his therapy records.
Not just a rumor or speculation. A photo—taken illegally—of the hospital’s log with his name printed clearly among the entries for therapy. The ones that he takes with Est, in that one hidden hospital near their apartment.
It was bad.
It didn’t take long for the story to unfold. A relative of one of the hospital staff had recognized the name. A fan of LYKN. Someone who thought the discovery was interesting enough to share. It was posted at night, and at that time, he saw everything, how his name unfolded into something different.
The company reacted quickly. Lawyers were called. The hospital was already facing legal action. Even his own personal lawyer from Hanve was involved, but the internet moved faster than any lawsuit.
By morning, the headlines had been there, and it was presented on his phone like a mockery.
Top Idol William Jakrapatr Seen Attending Therapy.
Is LYKN’s William Mentally Unstable?
Sources Suggest Idol May Be Struggling.
William knew therapy wasn’t something to be ashamed of. He knew that Est had told it a lot of times already. But knowing it and feeling the weight of thousands of strangers dissecting it, his life, were two very different things. By the time he stepped out of the practice room that night, his thoughts were already moving in ways that no one ever wanted to.
His brain fed him thoughts—that he was weak, unstable, not capable.
The words were loud enough for him that night, and the next morning wasn’t any different. Still, he visited the company to discuss how to go from there. And after that grueling company, to which Est gladly accepted to be in, they decided to come home earlier than planned.
Est said that William needed rest, and more discussion should follow the next day. And William said yes, he just wanted to melt in Est’s arms and call it a day. But when he and Est reached the corridor leading to the company’s main exit, William slowed.
Through the glass doors ahead, the crowd was already visible. There were cameras and microphones. Paparazzi pressed against the barricades, and everyone was waiting. William stopped walking right then and there, and Est noticed it instantly.
“What’s wrong?” his boyfriend asked, holding his hand.
William stared at the doors. “I can’t,” he said. “I can’t go out there, P’Est.”
Est didn’t answer and looked outside. Then he stepped closer and wrapped his arms around William. The hug came without hesitation, warm, always warm, and firm. William hadn’t realized how much he needed it until he felt himself leaning into it. And they stayed like that for a moment.
“I don’t want to go out there, P’Est.” Est shifted slightly, turning William’s body so his back faced the glass doors. Shielding him from the cameras, from the people outside.
William exhaled slowly, his forehead resting briefly against Est’s shoulder. “I don’t want to go out.”
“We don’t have another exit,” Est said gently, massaging his neck. And William knew that they didn’t have anywhere to go.
“It’ll only take a minute. We walk out, get in the car, and we’re home. Would you be able to do that for me? It’s going to be quick.”
“.....”
“Na krubbb? William, let’s go home?”
Eventually, they pulled apart, and William approved. Est kept an arm around his shoulders as they approached the doors. William prepared himself momentarily, and the moment they stepped outside, the noise erupted.
“William!”
“Is it true you’re in therapy?”
“Are you mentally unstable?”
“Are you depressed?”
“Will you be taking a break?”
The questions came fast, rude, and loud. And William kept his head lowered the entire time as Est’s arm tightened around him as they walked. He kept his balance, but mostly, his boyfriend made sure he didn’t stumble. And William gripped Est’s hand, his fingers trembling slightly as he adjusted his mask and pulled his hoodie lower over his head. And also, the sunglasses, to hide his eyes.
He tried to make himself smaller.
Invisible, which was very hard to do. Because they just swarmed him and Est more as the guards tried to contain them.
“William, are you mentally unstable?”
“Will this affect LYKN?”
“Are you planning to take a hiatus?”
The microphones pushed closer, and harder, and then someone shoved forward. A camera lens nearly struck William’s face as a reporter forced his way through the crowd.
“William!” the man shouted. “Are you depressed? Are you going on hiatus because of mental illness?”
William stopped walking. His instinct was to turn away and to hide. But before he could really move close, Est stepped forward. He pushed the microphone and camera away, harshly. “Hey! Back up!”
The crowd went silent, and William felt his whole body stay put. When he looked up, Est stepped between him and the reporters, anger blazing openly across his face.
“What is wrong with you people?” he demanded. “You think this is journalism? You think shoving cameras into someone’s face and asking if they’re mentally unstable is acceptable? You think this is okay?!”
The reporters shifted uncomfortably. But that one stubborn man shoved the camera in Est’s face this time, along with the microphone.
“Est! Can you tell us how William is doing? Is he going to take a hiatus? Will he be in the hospital to recover? Is he depressed? Is he sick in the hea—”
“You are unbelievable, Khun, let’s start there,” Est said and pushed the camera and microphone again before talking once more. “You’re making headlines out of someone’s medical records. Records that were illegally leaked, and now you’re shoving cameras and microphones on out faces?”
Est looked around at them, disgust plain in his expression. Fury is evident, and not an ounce of respect remains. “Just so you all know, you’re not reporters,” he said coldly. “You’re vultures.”
Someone tried to push forward again, that same man, but Est didn’t move.
“You want content so badly,” Est said and then angrily pushed every reporter he could, which gained him protests from the people. “Well, that’s your scoop. Tell the whole world that the fallen athlete is rude, doesn’t have respect, and hurts people by pushing them away because they wanted footage of his boyfriend, who clearly doesn’t want to be in the media right now.”
And then quiet.
“Well, that’s your headline. I’m looking forward to seeing all of that by dinner. Now, please get off our way.” Est shouted, and his hand found William’s again, gripping it tightly.
“Gosh! You’re all so rude. Thank god I’m not working in the industry that I would have to encounter any of you anymore, or else—please, get out of the way.” Est said angrily once more. “What an annoying bunch.”
Silence spread through the crowd.
Then, they stepped aside. The path to the car opened. And Est guided William forward without another word.
And the car door shut with a loud sound, the result of Est’s annoyance, his strength with everything. The noise outside disappeared instantly. William’s hands were shaking. He hadn’t even noticed until Est pulled him close again.
William buried his face against Est’s shoulder, breathing unevenly as he tried to steady himself. Est wrapped his arms around him, holding him there, strongly and firmly—grounding and protective.
He was safe.
William felt like crying because all this time, he had been the one standing in front. Protecting Est from the world and himself, but sitting there in the quiet car, with Est’s arms around him, William realized something.
Protection didn’t have to belong to just one person.
Sometimes—he could lean on Es,t too.
And maybe it was time he learned how to do without feeling like he’s being punished for being weak.
“P’Est,” he whispered in Est’s neck.
“Yes, William?”
“I love you, my P’Est, even when I’m like this.”
“.....”
“.....”
“I love you more, William….especially when you are like this.”
And in that quiet moment, hidden in Est’s arms, William understood that loving him had never been a mistake—if anything, it was the most certain choice he had ever made, and this was just another proof of it.