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Chapter Text

Scott gets the text at 1pm on a boring Tuesday afternoon. He doesn’t have practice today, so he’s just been sitting on the couch trying to read his newest book on the Son of Sam. Okay sure, maybe what he was actually doing was staring blankly at the blender sitting on his counter. But the book was in his hand, so it still counted.

The text is from an unknown number, and it’s first a picture of Ilya Rozanov holding a piece of paper that says ‘Hello Hunter!’ with today’s date written under it. A text comes through almost immediately.

Unknown number: Hello Hunter! It’s Rozanov. Figured you wouldn’t have my number so I send photo as proof it’s me.

He stares at it for a minute, not really sure what’s happening. Another text comes while he’s trying to think of something to say.

Unknown number: I have some very important hockey things to discuss with some players. Can you join this chat so it’s secure?

Unknown number: Link

Scott frowns at the link. It’s not unusual for hockey players to discuss things like player contract issues or to ask about new cities if they are anticipating getting traded, but neither of those would apply here. Also it’s usually done over text or by phone not at some weird link.

Scott: Is this a prank?

Unknown number: If it is, it’s very boring. Click link, come see.

Scott sighs heavily, but figures there’s not much to lose. It’s probably just a stupid rick roll or a link to an ESPN article calling him old. He clicks the link.

It opens a browser tab to a chat room. There’s a symbol of a padlock in the top corner and the word ‘secure’ twice at the top of the screen. A little popup informs him he’s an anonymous user and his chat name is AU08. The top of the screen says “Chat with 9 members” and he frowns a little at the number. As he watches another person joins and the number goes up to 10. 

Rozanov: Ah good, you all click link!

AU03: What the hell is this?

Rozanov: It’s a secure chat room. I have an idea I need to get some other players on board with.

AU05: I’m not joining your stupid petition to ban country music from all locker rooms.

Rozanov: No. More serious. 

Rozanov: I want to coordinate a mass coming out for a bunch of NHL players. If we all come out at once, no one has to be first.

Scott nearly drops his phone. What in the FUCK.

AU05: Holy shit

AU04: What the hell are you talking about?

AU02: I don’t even know what that means

Rozanov: 🙄 I invited 10 people to the chat who I believe might have a special interest in this conversation

Rozanov: It’s secure and anonymous and I didn’t even write the list down so no one panic

Rozanov: But we all know we’re not the only ones. And it’s stupid to pretend we are

Scott types four letters before he has a chance to fully think about it.

AU08: Fuck

Rozanov: Everyone be calm. This is not blackmail. Here, I’ll go first. You can screenshot for leverage if it makes you feel better.

Rozanov: I’m bisexual

There’s a pause where no one else comments. Scott presses a hand to his chest over his thumping heart.

AU05: Holy shit

AU01: What the fuck. Why am I in this chat and why am I number 1?

Rozanov: 🙄 Numbers are assigned by who clicked link fastest, not by how gay you are.

A shaky laugh escapes out of Scott’s mouth as he hunches over the phone.

Rozanov: And I picked ten people I was pretty sure of from different teams

Scott is reluctantly fascinated.

AU08: Pretty sure of?

Rozanov: I mean, I haven’t fucked any of you, but I can usually tell

Rozanov: Sorry, that’s not true 

Rozanov: I’ve fucked one of you.

AU09: Fuck off

Rozanov: 😉

For some reason Rozanov being a dick about this makes it a little less fucking terrifying, Scott huffs out another laugh.

Rozanov: Look. There are gay players in the league. There probably always have been. At some point someone is going to either come out and be brave and be first

Rozanov: Or someone is going to be outed

Scott closes his eyes, breath coming faster as his worst fear is typed out in black and white. When he opens his eyes a couple seconds later there are more messages.

Rozanov: No one wants to be first. So what if no one is? If we do it together then no one’s the poster boy

AU09: And they can’t run all of us out of the league. 

Rozanov: Yes. Exactly!

Rozanov: I may have also picked big name players. Harder to ignore

AU02: I’m not a big name player

AU09: A mix would be good.

This is like a fever dream, Scott has no idea what’s happening right now.

AU08: So what, we all put up something on Instagram at the same time?

AU08: Like, hey we’re gay, let’s go play some hockey?

He only realizes he’s actually typed the word gay after he sends it, and his brain starts screaming alarm bells and his heart starts racing even faster. Fuck did he just admit it? To Rozanov?

Rozanov: Yes!

Rozanov: I mean, not that boring

AU01: Jesus Christ this is fucking serious shit, can you not be a dick about it?

Rozanov: Oh oh? This is serious shit? Really?

Rozanov: I know this is serious shit, I’m fucking Russian!

Scott winces, remembering a long ago conversation in Sochi.

Rozanov: If we do this I’m probably never going to be able to go fucking home again!

There’s another pause.

AU01: Fuck sorry. I know

AU01: Sorry

Another long pause. Scott wonders what everyone else is thinking.

AU07: I’m in

AU08: Holy Shit

AU07: He’s right 

AU07: I don’t want to be first but I also don’t want to keep hiding

Rozanov: Good! Yes!

Rozanov: If anyone is feeling brave, you can change your id to your actual name by clicking the icon

AU05: I’m in too I guess I’ll follow you cap

AU05 has changed their name to G. Riley.

AU07 has changed their name to Mike Carter

Greg Riley is the backup goalie for the Raiders. Scott supposes it makes sense that Roz’s own team would be the first to trust him. Mike Carter is a very popular defenseman in Colorado. He had no idea he and Rozanov even knew each other.

AU09 has changed their name to Hollander

Hollander: I’m in too.

Hollander: Like I’d let you be first at something without me.

Scott snorts out a laugh, even as his thumb hovers over the icon.

Rozanov: 😆

There’s another long pause. Scott can’t seem to make his finger touch the little icon on the screen. He’s just staring.

He wishes Kip was here.

Hollander: It can’t just be two Raiders and me. They’ll spin it that Roz is fucking both of us or something.

Hollander: I mean Carter helps but -

G. Riley: Ew

Rozanov: 😆😆😆

Rozanov: You wish Riles

G. Riley: No thank you.

AU02: This might be the most scared I have ever been. Fuck it I’m in

AU02 has changed their name to Ryan Price.

Scott’s eyebrows go up in surprise, and his thumb finally lands on the name icon. The screen comes up with a blank text field. He types in his own name carefully, his heart pounding in his ears.

AU08 has changed their name to Scott Hunter

Scott Hunter: This is fucking insane

Scott Hunter: But I’m in

Scott Hunter: And Price, I’m fucking terrified too

-----

They spend a while debating the timing and how to make the announcement. Three people are still anonymous, but AU06 turns out to be Hank King, a star left wing from Vancouver. 

Roz is in favor of social media since it can’t be edited or cut like an interview. He guesses that makes sense, but he doesn’t understand Roz’s insistence that it shouldn’t wait until after the season.

Hollander: No, he’s right (ew). 

Hollander: If it’s in the off season then they have nothing happening all those months to distract from it. It’ll be horrible.

Hollander: But if we do it sooner, a bunch of teams are still fighting to secure a spot, and the playoffs will be starting and they’ll have to focus at least a little on that.

Rozanov: Yes that’s what I’m trying to say!

Rozanov: Thank you Hollander

Rozanov: (also ew)

Scott laughs to himself. He’s moved from the couch to his kitchen, and is eating a salad. He’s been smiling too much though. Every part of this impossible conversation makes him feel like someone’s cutting him free of a net that was holding him down. He’s also pretty sure Roz and Hallsy are flirting. Literally right in front of his salad.

Kip would like that joke.

Scott Hunter: You two are ridiculous

Scott Hunter: I’m looking at the schedule. Is it better to do it on a day we’re all playing or a day we’re not?

As a rule there are only one or two days in the MLH season where there’s not a game being played somewhere. There are some days where less games are played though, and it looks like a couple coming up where none of the teams of the named players will be playing.

King: I don’t think I could concentrate on a game the same day this goes out

Ryan Price: Me neither

Hollander: Really? I feel like the stress would make me faster.

Rozanov: Okay, so definitely an off day

Hollander: Scared Rozanov?

Scott rolls his eyes again. There’s an urge to chide them for the flirting that he automatically stifles. Then he realizes he doesn’t actually have to. With something like wonder shining in his chest he types it out.

Scott Hunter: Can you two please stop flirting? I’m trying to eat lunch

Scott Hunter: Looking at the schedule then this Friday’s the best day. None of us play Friday or Saturday

AU01: I play Saturday.

Scott Hunter: Are you joining us?

G. Riley: Wait is that seriously flirting?

Rozanov: wink.gif

Of course Rozanov is the type to respond to a conversation with a gif of his own face.

Hollander: I hate you.

Rozanov: That is also flirting I think

Hollander: 🙄

AU01: I don’t know

AU04 has changed their name to Eric Bennett. 

Scott fucking chokes on his salad. 

One second later while he’s still trying to cough up some lettuce, he gets a private text directly from Eric. 

Benny: Sorry cap. Had to talk to Holly first

Scott: Don’t apologize what the fuck

Scott: I never told you either

He swipes back to the secure conversation, feeling very confused. What in the hell is happening?

Eric Bennett: I’m in too

Eric Bennett: Also, how the fuck did you spot us all Rozanov? Hunter and I didn’t even know about each other

Rozanov: What do you mean?

G. Riley: I was wondering that too cap. Do you just have some NASA grade gaydar?

Rozanov: What is gaydar?

Hollander: It’s like a special ability to be able to tell that someone else is gay

Rozanov: 😂 Stupid word

Rozanov: Did not know this was a special power here

Rozanov: It’s not hard

Rozanov: Guy checks me out, I think, this man must like men

Okay, Scott should just give up on trying to eat while still dealing with this fucking conversation.

Scott Hunter: What the fuck? I have for sure never checked you out Roz

AU01: Neither have I!

Rozanov: surejan.gif

Rozanov: It’s okay I am hot

Ryan Price: Wait you can tell?

Rozanov: Price I don’t want to freak you out but when I wore my black tank with the lace you literally could not speak to me

Ryan Price: I’m just going to go die in a corner now

Rozanov: 😂 It’s okay Price! I’m used to it!

Hollander: Yeah, honestly fuck that lace tank

Hollander: Oh fuck, can I unsend something?

Rozanov: 😂😂😂

Scott Hunter: Jesus

Scott Hunter: Can we focus back on details please and not how smug Roz is?

Rozanov: Don’t be jealous 😉

Scott Hunter: OKAY

Scott Hunter: So are we okay to post on Friday? Let’s say 1pm est?

Hollander: This Friday holy shit.

Rozanov: We can put it off until the week after if it’s better?

Scott knows it’s not really better just looking at the schedule. Is Rozanov being - sweet? To Hollander? That's bizarre.

Hollander: No, Friday is good. 

Hollander: Fuck I have to call my parents

Everyone else who’s agreed replies that Friday is good. And all of the sudden this is an actual plan.

Rozanov: Okay we all have two days to call who we need to call and write our posts

Rozanov: And the rest have until then to decide if you’ll join too

Scott Hunter: Should we keep this tab open until Friday so we can coordinate?

Rozanov: I think probably not. I’ll send another link Friday morning to those who are in

G. Riley: Makes sense

Rozanov: Anyone who hasn’t decided can text me and I’ll send you link too. You all have my number now

AU01: I still can’t even believe this is happening

Scott can’t either. But he knows what he wants to do next. He goes to an old text conversation in his phone.

Scott: I have to talk to you. Can you come by today for a bit?

Scott: Or call if you don’t want to come over

There’s no response for a long while. Long enough for Rozanov to close down the chat. 

When he does a popup comes up on Scott’s screen informing him the chat room is closed and the history has been deleted. It’s oddly comforting. Even if it will be public soon enough there’s still that part of him that’s terrified about his secret being written out in black and white like that.

He takes some time finishing his salad and a protein drink, trying not to continue checking his phone for a response or triple text like some kind of obsessive crazy person. Which he definitely is.

He’s doing his dishes when his phone finally makes a noise, and he practically lunges across the counter for it.

Kip: I can come by for a little bit around 5.

--------

ESPN Today

MLH Players Come Out

In what appears to be a coordinated announcement, eight stars from the MLH have come out as either gay or bi on social media today. The eight players span the league in both location and the positions they play. The players include Shane Hollander (c) Montreal Metros, Ilya Rozanov (c) Boston Raiders, Greg Riley (g) Boston Raiders, Scott Hunter (lw) NY Admirals, Eric Bennet (g) NY Admirals, Hank King (lw) Vancouver Whales, Mike Carter (d) Colorado Blizzard, and Ryan Price (d) Buffalo Epees. 

Six of the players identified themselves as gay, while Ilya Rozanov and Eric Bennet specified that they are bisexual.

The eight players are the first active queer MLH players in the league's history. As of posting the league has not provided a comment. This is a live story, updates will be added below.

Chapter Text

Shane’s not expecting anything from Ilya today. He’s just gotten back from Montreal following that game in Buffalo and a long, hopefully helpful, conversation of listening to Ilya’s Russian confession.

That conversation was three days ago now, and they haven’t spoken since, but they continued to text random thoughts or jokes. He knows Ilya is supposed to be flying home today, a punishingly long twenty hour trip that won’t allow them much time for texting.

So he’s slightly surprised just after 12pm when his phone dings, and he reaches for it with a frown.

Lily: So I have a crazy idea

Shane frowns harder at the message.

Jane: Aren’t you on a plane right now?

Lily: Just got back to my place. Want to put idea in order now

Jane: What idea?

Lily: Have a bunch of hockey players all come out at same time

Shane blinks at his phone, absolutely stunned. He blinks at the message a couple times. Then his phone starts vibrating, and Lily’s name is on the screen. He answers automatically. 

“What the fuck?”

Ilya’s voice is determined and slightly choppy, he speaks quickly. “No one wants to be first. Makes sense. So what if no one’s first? What if it’s a lot of us?”

“A lot?” Shane asks blankly. It makes no sense, logically, but he never really considers that there might be - would have to be - others in the league.

Ilya makes a soft humming sound, “Ten I think, to start. Maybe more later.”

“Ten?” Shane asks, feeling his eyes widen. How the fuck does Ilya know eight other gay players in the league? Eight more people he trusts enough to bring into this? Ilya’s breathing is loud and slightly ragged in his ear, and Shane closes his eyes to listen better, but he just makes a soft agreeing noise. “Have you slept?” Shane asks, wishing he could see him.

“On the plane. First leg. Got idea in London for this. Worked on it the whole way home.”

“Worked on what? Making a list?”

“That was quick. Hardest part was deciding which ones are important enough to make point, and choosing people from many teams.” What the fuck, how many gay people does Ilya even know that he was able to make selections like that? “Then I had to find a way for ten people to talk about it. Finally found a website with a secret chat - not secret -”

“Secure?” Shane offers.

“Da. Secure. I can send link to everyone, and they’ll be anon- aynon-”

“Anonymous” Shane says, automatically. Ilya really needs sleep.

“Yes. But then if they want to join they can reveal their names.”

“Holy shit Ilya.”

“Yes. I know. It’s a good idea. We can all do it together.” Shane stares blankly at the far wall of his living room, his brain trying to spin all this new information into a place where it fits. 

“It is a good idea.” He says, but his tone is absent as he thinks.

“Shane?” He doesn’t respond, his brain is still spinning the idea around. It feels like one of those L-shaped tetris pieces. He has to be careful where it goes. There’s a pause and Ilya’s voice softens, becomes a touch hesitant, “I won’t invite you to the chat if you don’t want to-”

“No.” Shane says. The piece falls into his brain securely, with a nearly audible click, and he smiles. “Fuck you, like I’d let you be first without me.” Ilya lets out a breathy little ha of a laugh, and Shane abruptly wants to like, pet his phone or something where Ilya’s voice is coming through. Embarrassing.

“So when is this starting?” He asks, trying to keep his voice normal instead of somehow revealing he wants to pet Ilya’s voice what the fuck.

“Now.” Ilya says, and Shane’s heart jumps. “I just got the last phone number for one of the guys.”

“You already had all their phone numbers?”

“Hmm, no. Instagramed some of them. Some I texted some old team mates while in London to collect the ones I didn’t have. It’s like a - what do you call it? Phone bush?”

Shane smiles helplessly, “Phone tree. You really need some sleep. You should do this tomorrow.”

“I’m awake! I’m fine. English is stupid. I want to do it now.” His voice on the last part is firm, and Shane considers and dismisses arguing with him about it. 

“Okay.” Shane agrees. He hesitates for a second, and then asks, “Ilya. Are you really sure about this? What about Russia?”

There’s a long breath on the other end of the line, and then a firm, “I do not ever want to go back there again.” Shane doesn’t know what to say to that, and just hums softly in acknowledgement. “My visa is fine unless the Raiders drop me. And they won’t drop me. I reached out to a lawyer to help -” he cuts himself off with a sharp noise. “It’ll be fine.” He says it firmly, like he can make it happen with just his conviction.

Shane wants to ask if he’s sure, if he needs more time to think this through. But he can tell he has. This is completely different from how he acted about it in that hotel room in Tampa. He rubs a finger over his eyebrow, and then offers, “Do you know what you’re going to say to the guys? Do you want me to look at it first?”

Ilya hums, “Probably good idea.” There’s some rustling and then his phone pings. Shane puts Ilya on speakerphone and looks down at the text. There’s only two grammatical errors, and he retypes it without them and sends it back. “Hmm, thank you. I’m sending the links now.”

Shane’s nerves jump, and he bites back a curse. He can’t believe this is really happening.

His phone pings again, and Ilya’s sent him the link too. He stares at it for half a beat before clicking. He leaves the call open, even as the chat opens in another window and a little pop-up informs him he’s AU09.

Ilya wastes no time, once all ten people are in the chatroom, and Shane listens as he blows out a breath when he sends the reason for the chat.

Rozanov: I want to coordinate a mass coming out for a bunch of NHL players. If we all come out at once, no one has to be first.

Even though it's the same message that he just fucking proofread something about seeing it in this chat makes his palms sweat. Shane’s heart stutters as the others start reacting, and then Ilya reveals to everyone in the chat that he’s bisexual and Shane is blown away by a wave of proud fondness for him and his bravery.

AU01 protests being number one, and Ilya’s voice comes through the phone, “Oh my God they are so stupid.”

Shane laughs as Ilya responds. 

Rozanov: I mean, I haven’t fucked any of you, but I can usually tell

“You haven’t?” Shane asks, wry.

Ilya hums, “You’re right. I probably shouldn’t lie to them. Not about this.”

Rozanov: Sorry, that’s not true 

Rozanov: I’ve fucked one of you.

He responds for the first time, half smiling to himself, as he types a simple ‘Fuck off’. Ilya laughs through the phone, “I think I’ve figured out the secret identity of user 9.”

Shane laughs back, “Oh yeah?” Ilya makes a low sound as the conversation continues.

Rozanov: Or someone is going to be outed

Shane blows out a breath, “Fuck.” 

Ilya sighs, clearly knowing how this will hit them all. He's always seemed so casual and slightly reckless about the potential risk of getting found out. Much more so than Shane anyway. Doing things like kissing him on public rooftops and in bathrooms ten feet away from MLH staff. Shane wonders now if he has actually been worried about it too.

Rozanov: No one wants to be first. So what if no one is? If we do it together then no one’s the poster boy

Shane types quickly, wanting to support Ilya’s point.

AU09: And they can’t run all of us out of the league. 

Ilya confirms that he’s mostly chosen bigger names players, and Shane can’t resist saying, “I am so curious about who these other people are.”

Ilya laughs, then says, “I’m not telling.” 

He hisses angrily as AU01 yells about being serious in the chat. Ilya’s response is mocking and vicious and honest. Shane considers asking again if Ilya is sure about Russia, but decides that Ilya knows more about that situation than he does.

They suck in a surprised breath in unison when AU07 is the first to commit. Then 05 quickly joins. As soon as Ilya shares how to change his name in the chat Shane does so, agreeing to be part of this. He can’t resist adding a little bit about not letting Ilya do this without him. Across the phone line Ilya snorts, even as he sends a laughing emoji.

There’s a pause where no one else comments in the chat, and Shane shifts on his couch, anxiously. “We’ll need more.” He mutters, and then types.

Hollander: It can’t just be two Raiders and me. They’ll spin it that Roz is fucking both of us or something.

Ilya laughs outloud, and Shane smiles to himself, pleased. Suddenly two more people reveal their names. Ryan Price and Scott Hunter are both surprising to Shane, and he can’t stop himself from a soft, “Whoa.”

Ilya snorts a laugh at him, and Shane wonders again how Ilya knew about everyone. No one has protested that they shouldn’t be included in this chat, and no one has left, even though a few people still haven’t identified themselves or signed on.

There’s enough people now that the chat switches to logistics and timing. Shane and Ilya both are annoyed when King and Hunter suggest that the announcements should be made in the off season. “That’ll be a fucking circus of media.” Shane says, supremely annoyed that they don’t understand.

He types quickly, to agree with what Ilya’s already said.

Hollander: No, he’s right (ew). 

Hollander: If it’s in the off season then they have nothing happening all those months to distract from it. It’ll be horrible.

Hollander: But if we do it sooner, a bunch of teams are still fighting to secure a spot, and the playoffs will be starting and they’ll have to focus at least a little on that.

Ilya is audibly typing in response, “They’re so dumb. We’ll need the distraction of actual hockey.”

“I know.” He rubs at his eyebrow as Rozanov’s agreement comes over the chat. Then it seems like Hunter is on board with their plan for the timing, and he’s wondering if it should be during a game or not. Shane imagines being at the rink while a scheduled instagram post goes live, and he’s pretty sure he’d be able to win a fastest skater competition three times over. 

He laughs when he says that in the chat and Ilya immediately decides a non-game day is better.

Scott Hunter calls them out for flirting and after a second of frozen horror Shane bursts into laughter, Ilya not far behind him. 

He sends an ‘I hate you’ message automatically, and blushes a little when Ilya calls that out for also flirting. “It’s definitely not. I really do hate you.” he says aloud.

“Sure you do Shane.”

He smiles, draws his knees up to his chest, presses his face into them. It’s been months since the All Star Game, but hearing Ilya use his first name still hasn’t become normal yet. They both use each other's names more than usual now when speaking. They tack ‘Shane’ and ‘Ilya’ on to normal sentences that don't need names. He thinks Ilya might feel the same amount of delight that he does when freely using them. 

AU04 turns out to be Eric Bennett and Shane’s eyebrows shoot up. The chat quickly devolves into everyone asking what Shane has also been wondering. How did Ilya spot them all?

Shane explains gaydar in the chat, but aloud says “I know you’re freakily perceptive, but this is crazy.” as he’s typing.

“I am amazing at everything, it is true. Especially noticing queers.” Ilya says, clearly amused.

Rozanov: Guy checks me out, I think, this man must like men

“Oh fuck off.” Shane says.

Ilya is laughing again over the open phone line. “What? It’s true!!” 

Shane knows that he did check Ilya out, and not just that day in the gym after the draft. He thinks he probably did it the first time they met too. Embarrassing. “I’m hot. It is my curse.” The chat is now protesting that many of them never checked Ilya out, and he’s smug as he sends a surejan gif. “They definitely did.”

“Oh my God.”

“Don’t worry,” Ilya says, “You were the only one I came onto in the shower.”

“Lucky me.” Shane says, dry. But he means it.

Shane smiles to himself as he pretends to mistakenly object to Ilya’s black lace tank top. It makes Ilya laugh again, and he’s pleased. The tank top in question has been very distracting in some interviews and once when they met up after a game in Boston. It’s just a very open weave combined with a very intriguing fit. It’s the kind of thing only a European player can get away with.

The tone of the conversation flips abruptly back to serious as Hunter recommends this coming Friday for the posts. Shane’s heart thumps a couple times at the speed and he blows out a breath, even as he types out a 'holy shit'. 

Ilya sighs softly, and then offers in the chat to move it to next week. Shane’s heart twists in his chest, because he knows that this week is better and Ilya’s offering to change it solely to give him more time. “No.” He says out loud, even as he types it, “Friday is fine.”

Then they’re all agreed, and Ilya shuts the chat down. Shane closes the window on his phone and says, “This is crazy.”

“Yes.” Ilya agrees. 

“But also amazing.”

He can hear a smile in Ilya’s voice, “Yes.”

“You should go sleep now Ilya. I’ll see you this weekend.”

“See you soon Shane.”

The call disconnects and Shane falls back to look at the ceiling. It’s not even two o’clock yet. How has the world changed so much in less than two hours?

He calls his parents to see if they are available for dinner at their place tonight. They have something they need to talk about. 

----

He’s incredibly nervous walking to his parents’ front door. He can’t stop pushing his hands into his pockets and then taking them out. His mind is rabbiting, running in circles and offering horrifying worst case scenarios. He knows none of them are real. He trusts his parents. But his brain doesn’t stop throwing up images of disgust on his Mom’s face, or horror on his Dad’s. Disappointment from both.

He stops at the door and pulls out his phone. He rereads the last few texts from Ilya.

Lily: It’ll be okay Shane.

Lily: You’re brave

Jane: Shut up

Lily: You are!

Jane: I don’t know

Jane: I don’t know how to explain this

Lily: Just start with being gay.

Lily: You can just tell them you’re gay without giving them a list of all the guys you’ve fucked

Lily: Pretty sure

Jane: fuck off

Lily: 😘

He breathes out a long, slow breath, reminds himself that he is brave, and opens the door.

-----

@ShaneHollanderOfficial

Posted Friday March 24th, 2017 1:00pm

I was 5 the first time I told my parents that I would one day play in the MLH. The very first time I went skating I was in love with it. For years it was the only thing I cared about.

As I grew older, the expectations of what hockey players were began to come clear to me. I knew I had to fit in every way I could. For a long time, this caused me intense confusion and inner turmoil. Because I knew I was not what people would think. 

It has taken me a long time to accept who I am, and even longer to be able to be honest about it. I am gay. 

I am still the same player you’ve always known. Just a little more open and honest now.

I thank my friends and family for their support, always. 

Chapter Text

Ilya wakes up on Friday morning feeling like his skin is buzzing. He heads immediately to his gym, and runs until his head is a little clearer. 

There’s a part of him that can’t believe this is really happening, that the crazy idea he’d had while staring out his apartment window in Moscow is actually working. But that part is small. Mostly he’s excited. 

He starts walking for a cool down and checks his phone. There’s a couple messages from Jane, and one from Scott Hunter. He checks Jane first.

Jane: Ran an extra 5k this morning, feel like my skin’s going to vibrate off.

Jane: Mom’s got a whole plan on 17 different sponsors that want to do Pride Month crap.

Jane: I don’t think I want to do any of it, but I don’t know.

Lily: The whole point of doing it as a group is so one of us doesn’t get held up as the poster boy

Lily: Harder to do if you go put yourself on a bunch of posters

Jane: No, I know. 

Jane: She’s just excited I think? 

Jane: Overcorrecting maybe.

Ilya thinks he understands what that word means, but checks it in his Russian dictionary just to be sure he’s not missing any context. 

Lily: Correcting what?

Jane: She feels guilty that I couldn’t tell her sooner I think.

He’s not really sure what to say to that. The treadmill beeps that his cool down is completed, and he hops off. He checks Hunter’s message.

Hunter: Are you sending a new chat today?

Ilya: We can all just talk over text

Ilya: Won’t need to be secure much longer

Ilya: Just waiting for the west coast people to wake up

Hunter: OK

That settled, he goes back to Shane’s texts.

Lily: Seems stupid to overcorrect not being able to talk to her by not talking to her 

Lily: about not wanting to do the ads

There’s no response, but the typing bubbles come up, then go away a few times. He puts his phone in his pocket and heads to the weight bench.

-----

It’s 11am, and he figures that has to be late enough for the west coast. Plus the east coast people keep texting and pestering him. 

Why do people from America's east coast have such a disregard for time zones? The number of times he's gotten phone calls over the summer at 5am Moscow time from some dumb Boston teammate is incredible. 

He creates a group chat with the eight people who agreed to participate. He hasn’t heard anything from the other two men he’d originally contacted, which had been Troy Barrett from Toronto and Steven Koval from Houston. He supposes it makes sense. He wouldn’t particularly want to come out if he was on a team with Dallas Kent, or if he lived in Texas. 

Ilya: Good morning everyone! Hope everyone’s excited for the big day.

Riles: Fuck off cap

Riles: I might throw up

Ilya loves Riley. He’s been a great backup goalie for the Raiders the last two years. And he’s just a good guy in general. They’d gone to management together yesterday to inform them of today’s announcement and it had gone pretty well. Management had initially thought that they meant they were a couple, and Riles’s response had been hilarious.

Jane: Drink some ginger ale. 

Jane: I’ve gone through half a case.

The sappily fond smile on Ilya’s face would be horrifically embarrassing if anyone could see him.

Hunter: Oh thank God. I really need to talk about what we’re saying

Bennett: He’s called me six times this morning

King: I would say it’s too early for this, but I don’t think I ever actually slept

Hunter: Is that King or Carter? I don’t have your numbers. I assume the person calling Roz cap is Riley.

Riles: yes, this is Riley

King: This is King

Price: This is Price

Bennett: This is Bennett

Carter: this is carter and I did manage to sleep and this is way too early

Jane: It’s almost ten?

Carter: Who’s number is that?

Jane: This is Hollander.

Carter: I didn’t say I slept well 

Carter: I think I finally passed out like two hours ago

Ilya: you all need better sleep training

Ilya: I am told it is very important

Ilya: Beauty sleep

Ilya: You all need it. Very ugly

Carter: Fuck off Roz

King: Go fuck yourself

Ilya grins, delighted. Hunter has to ruin everything though, always. He immediately turns the conversation back to practicalities.

Hunter: Is anyone else revealing a relationship or partner in their post?

Hunter: Has everyone spoken with their teams?

Price: Buffalo didn’t really seem to care much

Carter: Yeah, the Blizz staff were cool

Carter: Already talking about pride night 🙄

Carter: And most of the team guys already knew, so just announced it for the rest at practice yesterday

Hollander: I told my agent, but haven’t told any management staff. I think I’ll just send an email to the PR department now.

King: Front office was surprised, but mostly cool I think

King: team was weirdly supportive?

King: Mostly excited I have a guy

Ilya: Riles and I spoke to management yesterday, they were fine

Riles: I mean, except for the part where they asked if we were fucking

Riles: I could have done without that

Ilya laughs to himself, remembering the horrified look on Riles’s face when management had carefully asked, “So are you two … together?”

Jane: What?

Hunter: Yeah, I got asked that too. 

Hunter: Horrifying

King: You mean they asked about you and Bennett? Even though he’s married?

Hunter: I wish

Hunter: No I mean my coach asked me if I was fucking Roz

Hunter: And so did Huff when I told him I was gay

Jane: What

Ilya collapses into laughter against his kitchen counter. The idea of Scott Hunter being asked if they are fucking is even more hilarious than the thing with Riles. And Shane’s one word reactions are making it even funnier.  His phone starts ringing and he knows without looking that it’s Shane. He swipes to answer, still laughing.

“Oh my God. You’re laughing!”

“Shane, this is the funniest shit I’ve ever heard. Of course I’m laughing!”

Shane makes a frustrated little growl noise, and Ilya’s smile is nearly painful.

“Oh my God, Carter is saying the same thing! How? Why?!”

Ilya pulls the phone away and puts Shane on speaker so he can see the chat again.

Carter: That’s so weird. My agent asked me that too.

King: If you were sleeping with Roz?

Jane: What the fuck? Why was this everyone’s first question?

Carter: Yes

Jane: No one asked me that!!

Hunter: Of course no one asked you.

Hunter: Why would they?

Shane makes another sound over the phone, but this one sounds offended. Ilya is dying, trying to hold back laughter, there are literal tears gathering in the corner of his eyes.

Jane: Why would they ask you?!

Hunter: I’m assuming I must have committed some horrible crime in a past life

Ilya: 🤣🤣🤣

Ilya: I hope you all told them that I am far too sexy for you

Ilya: That’s what Riles and I told Raiders

Riles: That’s what YOU told the raiders

Riles: I was too surprised to speak

Ilya: To get back to Hunter’s first question, I am not revealing a relationship

Ilya: My sex life is far too interesting and would immediately take all attention away from the rest of you

“Shut up” Shane says over the phone line, grumpily. Even though he has to know it’s true. If the two of them came out as in a relationship, they would immediately overshadow the rest of the group. Which would defeat the whole fucking point.

Carter: Oh my God, fuck all the way off

King: My boyfriend will be in my photos

Hunter: Ok good mine too

Jane: No relationship in mine

Price: I don’t have a boyfriend either

Price: Roz, I wanted to ask something

Jane: Oh my god, did someone think you were fucking him too?

Ilya snorts, “Shane,” and it's stupid how saying his first name still makes his chest all warm, but that doesn't mean he's going to stop “you’re going to out us to the chat if you keep being so jealous.”

“I’m not jealous!” Shane immediately protests. 

Price: What? No

Price: I was going to ask, once we’ve posted there’s going to be a lot of interviews and questions. They’re probably going to try to figure out whose idea this all was and how this like happened 

Price: Should we tell them it was you or will that make things harder for you? With the Russia shit I mean

It’s like getting a bucket of cold water dumped on his head. He must make some kind of noise, because then Shane’s saying his name in that soft, gentle tone he used while he was in Russia. “Ilya -” 

“It’ll be fine.” He says, firmly. The meeting with the Raiders front office had gone well. They aren’t going to release him and his visa is secure. He’d love not to have a Russian passport, but that could take years. He doesn’t want to wait anymore.

Ilya: It was my idea originally but you all said yes

Ilya: This is all of us. And not because of stupid Russia

Ilya: Because we’re all doing it

He doesn’t think he’s making what he’s trying to say clear. He’s not sure how to describe it better.

Jane: This is a team sport

He laughs, but it’s thinner than the fun laughs of earlier. “Give 110%.” he says, mockingly. They’re both standard press answers that don’t mean anything. Except when they do.

“Exactly.” Shane says.

The rest of the chat joins in with their own meaningless hockey press quotes, clearly understanding what they mean.

Hunter: Play the whole 60 minutes

Carter: Keep your mind on the game

King: Take it one game at a time

Bennett: Keep your head up

He smiles fondly at the chat. “You know, sometimes this organization can suck, but the team stuff is pretty good.”

Shane laughs, “Yeah. Teams are good. I told Hayden and JJ by the way. They were really nice.”

“I’m glad Shane.”

Ilya wants to ask why Shane hasn’t talked to the Metros front office. But that’s Shane’s decision, he knows the culture there better than Ilya does.

Riles: My actual boyfriend who is definitely not Roz will be in my post

Ilya: Riles! Are you finally dating that doctor you were obsessed with?

Ilya: and you didn't tell your favorite captain!!?

Riles: what the fuck

Riles: how do you know everything!?

Ilya snorts, “They all keep doubting me, but I am literally always right.” He had noticed Riley's careful fascination with one of the doctors they had met at a charity visit last year. When they had visited again this year Riley had been basically vibrating until that same doctor came into the room. Then he'd been silent.

“You literally are not.” Shane says, but it's just automatic.

Ilya: I have eyes!

Carter: it's a little humbling that Roz was able to figure us all out with apparently one glance

Carter: but we can't even figure out which one of us he banged

“Jesus fuck.” Shane says and Ilya snorts.

Jane: We should all make sure to hashtag youcanplay right?

“Shane,” Ilya says, achingly fond and grinning, chest warm, “you are so bad at secrets.”

“Shut up. No I'm not.”

Hunter: Okay so to recap

Hunter: Some people are posting relationships and some aren’t that’s fine

Hunter: We will all tag youcanplay

Hunter: The posts will go live at 1pm est today

Hunter: And later we don’t reveal who reached out to who first or how

Ilya: You probably got little stars on school book reports

“How is that a chirp?” Shane asks, “How do you make getting good grades in school an insult?”

Ilya laughs again, “It’s my favorite kind. It’s funny!”

“You should teach a class on chirping.”

“I should! Thank you Shane!”

Hunter: fuck off

Jane: Should we tag anything else?

Jane: Like the league or our teams?

Price: I don’t want to do that

Carter: I like it better without

Bennett: I guess if you want to

Jane: I didn’t think so. Just wanted to see if anyone else was going to.

King: If there’s no other thoughts on the posts themselves we need to talk about what we do in the aftermath

Ilya: Step one - no one take calls from fucking Cowell alone

King: Good point

Price: That sounds terrifying

Carter: Wait do you mean like, have a lawyer there or conference each other in?

Ilya: Was thinking lawyer, but I guess each other if you want?

He’s distracted by the conversation so it takes him a second to realize Shane’s gone very quiet. “Shane?”

King: I also wanted to see what we want to do about press

“I’m here, I’m fine. Just freaking out a little bit.”

Hunter: We probably shouldn’t do too much. And we should try to keep it equal. The whole point of this is to be together, so if some of us are giving no interviews and some are giving 10 that’s a lot

“Do you want to put the phone down a second? I can keep telling you what the chat is saying.”

“Just a second.”

Ilya wishes they were together right now. He’ll see him Saturday.

Bennett: The season is still going

Bennett: And the media fucks my focus

Ilya rubs his fingers over his knuckles, thinking.

Ilya: What if we say each of us can give two interviews

Ilya: If you want

Ilya: Not counting tunnel/locker room crap.

Hunter: That makes sense

Carter: Sure, sounds good

Price: ok

“We're talking about limiting the number of interviews we do after.” He says to the silent open phone line.

Jane:  fine

The absence of capital letters and periods in Shane's text is concerning, but his breathing sounds steady, so Ilya doesn't push.

King: I think no, but we wouldn't want to do a group interview right?

Ilya thinks about that. The eight of them on what, the View? Ellen? That sounds horrible. 

Ilya: Definitely not now

Ilya: and I am not going on the view or some shit

Price: I feel like the support might be nice? But also more awkward?

Hunter: If we get offers for that we can discuss more in the off season. We can see how this goes first

King: Yeah, good call

Ilya checks the time.

Ilya: One hour to post

Ilya: anything else?

Riles: Fuck

Carter: Shit

King: Holy fuck

Jane: Fuck.

Hunter: Everyone is still in right?

Price: Yes

Carter: Yes

Jane: Yes

Riles: Yes

Ilya: Yes

King: Yes

Bennett: Yes

-----

@IlyaWins81

Posted Friday March 24th, 2017 1:00pm

Hello Instagram! 

Just dropping in to say I'm bi! 🩷💜💙

Have good weekend!

#youcanplay