Chapter Text

Innermost

Prologue

Y/N Springer. Better known as ‘Connie’s sister’. Which wasn’t even fully true, you guys are half siblings stuck in a messed up family dynamic. He was a couple months older than you, born to the other woman that your father had ended up leaving your mum for. Your father had cheated on your mother yet still got her pregnant with you despite already knowing Connie was on the way. When your mum found out she kicked him out the house, and so he came crawling to Connie’s mum instead. Really you should hold grudges against your dad and Mrs. Springer for this, but your mother wasn’t much better either; and besides, it wasn’t like your dad was in the picture in either of the families’ lives now anyways.

This whole family mess up hadn’t really ruined the dynamic between you and Connie, to each other you were blood and that is all that had mattered, you guys have always been as thick as thieves, despite growing up further away with your mother and going to different schools. Every summer and winter break you would come down to visit Connie and stay with his family, originally the argument was it was to allow you to see your dad, but once that was no longer a problem you still kept coming anyways, Mrs Springer was nicer than your actual mum anyways and didn’t seem to have a problem with you.

Over the summers spent with Connie, splashing about in pools, riding bikes down the countryside roads, basking in that warm nostalgic sunlight, you had met heaps of his friends. Out of the two of you he was way more popular, but he lived here full time so that was expected. Whenever his friend group would come round and beg for him to come join them on some sprightly sidequest outside you would always be dragged with him.

“Can my sister come??” he would beam. The kids would shrug because why not? The more the merrier. They were all friendly enough, you still remember most of their names: Sasha, Marco, Jean, Mikasa, Armin, and some Jaeger kid, who you remember being a little rough and boisterous around the edges and he was constantly clashing heads with that Jean kid, yet they still seemed to retain a brotherly bond. Nice enough kid, just slightly hot-headed and impulsive at times.

The memories you had of these summers were like faded photographs, the rush of stumbling into the river barefoot while playing tag as the water laps gently at your skin, sending a cooling sensation up your spine on a balmy summers day, seeing the light dapple through the tree’s leaves and reflect on the water, causing it to glisten like stars in a clear night’s sky. You can still hear the ring of the highpitched voices of pre-pubescent children yelping, screaming, giggling through the forest as they try to find each other’s hiding spots that they had tucked themselves away in. You were always the worst at hide and seek, whether you got caught because you were giggling too much or you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time, you usually got caught first.

A key memory of yours had been the one time you had actually won a round – you must have been about 12 years old at the time – Sasha was counting down when you had felt a hand grab your arm.

“Y/N come with me!” A voice whispered, tones of urgency from the game and child-like cheekiness from the thrill seeped into each word. The voice had been Jean. He dragged you to a hiding spot and squashed in next to you. You still remember that spot, he had taken you past the large central tree that twisted and coiled around itself and down to the river bank. The hiding spot he chose that day was under a compact overhang of a sizable, jagged, moss covered boulder. You could hear the wind dancing between the trees which carried the voices of childhood innocence, you had started to giggle again when a soft, clammy hand flew to your mouth.

“Shhhh!” Jean had hissed. “This is why you always get caught.” You remember his eyes twinkling in the light that spilled into the overhang, he was a scruffy kid, ruffled hair, pale brown eyes, baby fat that he had not quite lost off his face yet. That’s when you had heard the noises of the group yelling, you had made it to the final two. To younger you, it had been thrilling. Never before had you gone this long without getting caught.

You guys had heard rustling near you and a voice growing louder and louder till it was right next to the two of you. The curtain of vine that shielded you and Jean started pealing back, pulled by the hand of the Jaeger kid. Before your younger self knew it, Jean had concealed your body with his, trapping you against the rock behind you.

“Ha! I found you horseface!” a victorious cry roared, one that belonged to a small Jaeger. A crowd had gathered round the spot waiting for Jean to get out.

“Oi!” Connie peaked his head past the group and closer towards your hiding spot, “Is that my sister? You perv!” He yelled. Jean scrambled to his feet stammering and edged away, attempting to escape just for Connie to chase him anyways. You had been left baffled that day, for someone not that close to you why would he lose the win so you could get your first victory?

There was only a couple of summers after that where you interacted with Connie’s friend group. It wasn’t that you didn’t like them, but either you couldn’t make it to Connie’s that year or they had simply grown up. In recent years all they seemed interested in was going to parties, parties hosted by people you didn’t know. Unfortunately you had been ragingly insecure as a young teenager, by standards you weren’t even ugly, but your limbs were spindly and not quite proportionate to your body yet, you had the average amount of acne every teenager gets, and no sense of style yet, the usual drill. In reality you were fine, but inside had been fighting a war that made you close yourself off from these sorts of things, not wanting to be perceived in any form of way due to shame. So eventually you stopped going out with them, around about the age of 16 was the last time you had really even seen them.

Last year you didn’t go to Connie’s place at all, there were issues with your mum and instead of arguing with her and going there for the summer, you stayed at home, miserable all summer in a house that felt like suffocation and claustrophobia if it was a physical thing. But this year. This year you were different. You had found yourself, you had improved on your mind, body, and spirit. You graduated high school like it was a breeze, leaving with a couple close friends, but not close enough to make you want to stay in your hometown. No. You were getting out of here, and you knew exactly where to. You had enrolled in the University of Paradis. Paradis was a town not too far away from Connie’s hometown, but far enough to need to have a dorm. Speaking of Connie, he was also going there, you both had agreed on it, saying how it will give you guys more time to spend together as siblings. And to be honest, for you, a way to get out of this hellhole.