Chapter Text
Jenny stared out of her office window, her eyes looking out past the yard and onto the Potomac in the distance, she could see the sun glimmering off the water and tried to conjure up the sound of it lapping at the banks in an effort to calm her racing thoughts. The pen held between the thumb and forefinger of her right hand swung back and forth, like the tick of a clock hand. It was a habit she had developed when her brain was trying to process, it used to be much faster, but as she climbed the ranks, she had worried it made her look out of control, so she had slowed the movement down, unable to stop it entirely. She hauled in a deep breath, trying to quell the panic that was steadily building even as her disbelief had slowly ebbed away. She had royally fucked up.
The click of her office door opening caught her attention and without turning, she commented, “Agent Gibbs, Cynthia is there for a reason.”
“So you’ve said before.”
She rolled her eyes as she pivoted on her high heels, glanced towards her exasperated looking PA, and reassured her, “I can manage from here.”
The younger woman nodded, throwing one last look of annoyance towards Gibbs before she left the room, the door snickering shut behind her. Jenny turned her gaze towards her unrepentant lead agent, remarking, “Just once, it would be nice for you to wait for Cynthia to let you through, her job is hard enough at times without-”
“You never mentioned having the morning off,” he interrupted smoothly. His head tilting slightly as he surveyed her with an intensity that made her skin prickle.
She shrugged, “I had an appointment.”
“Cynthia said, didn’t say what kind though.”
Jenny managed a small smile, “That’s why I hired her, so she wouldn’t share my personal information with anyone who asked.”
“That who I am?”
“You know exactly what I mean.”
“And I know that you’re trying to change the subject. Doctors’ appointment?”
Her lips pulled tightly together for a brief second before she forced her voice to stay steady, “It was; a routine one.”
His eyes narrowed, flickering over her face as he replied, “You were out all morning for a routine appointment?”
“No, I stopped back at the house, I had the plumber coming out to give a quote for the new boiler.”
“Hmmph.” He stepped closer to her desk. “Everything go ok?”
“About as much as I expected.”
“You know I didn’t mean the quote.”
She stepped out and round her desk, moving towards him, “I know.”
“You trying to change the subject?”
Managing a smile, she told him, “If I wanted to do that then I’d just ask you about your case.”
His expression didn’t change, his eyes staying fixed on her, “Tell you what, you can ask whatever you want when you answer my question.”
Her cheek twitched, he was like a dog with a bone, and while that might make him her best agent, it also made him a thorn in her side in times like these. “It was fine,” she answered, the lie tripping easily from her tongue.
“You know you have a tell. Jen, first you don’t mention this appointment and now you’re lying about it, doesn’t inspire confidence.”
She crossed her arms, her shoulders tightening. She had wanted more time before she told him, time to get her own thoughts in line. “I’m not sick,” she told him softly, a last-ditch attempt to get him to drop this.
Gibbs gave a short nod, satisfied she was telling the truth on that at least. “Anything you want to talk about?”
A deep sigh escaped her, was now better? Rip the band aid off? Get it over and done with. She knew Jethro well enough to know that he wouldn’t let this drop for long. “Jethro…I…” She took a deep breath and let the words tumble out of her, “I’m pregnant.”
In any other circumstance the look of genuine surprise that crossed his features would have been amusing, but not now. Her stomach lurched as she waited for his reaction, she felt her heart thump against her chest as his face quickly became impassive again. “Did you know before you went?”
She shook her head. “No, I thought maybe perimenopause,” she confided on a shaky laugh. “I never, never thought…well, it was a surprise.”
“Yeah, yeah you can say that again,” Gibbs remarked, his voice ever so slightly hoarser than usual, the only thing betraying just how shocked he was.
Her throat feeling constricted with the panic she’d been trying to force down all morning, she confessed, “Jethro, I screwed up. I forgot my last depo appointment-”
“Depo?” He interrupted, shaking his head, indicating he didn’t have a clue what she was talking about.
“My contraceptive injection,” she clarified before carrying on hurriedly, “It was when we were trying to find who the Rainers were targeting. I’d cancelled it, thought I’d re-arranged it, but I never did, and then we…” she waved her hand, unable to find the right word, they’d never really discussed what exactly this was, avoided that particular discussion like the plague in fact. “But I thought we were safe, I never meant for…” she tailed off again, watching him miserably.
“Always a risk, nothin’s foolproof, Jen,” he tells her after a second.
“More of a risk when you’re not using contraception though.”
He gave a small smile despite it all, “That’s true.”
She rubbed her forehead. “This is a mess.”
“Is it?”
Jenny looked over at him, this time it was her who was surprised, “Isn’t it? Jethro, I’m the first female director of a federal agency and your boss, it’s so incredibly inappropriate.”
“Not the first time this will have happened. Well,” he twirled one finger around as he amended himself, “probably need to reverse the genders.”
She shook her head, “Doesn’t make it any better, I am going to be crucified Jethro. Less than a year in the role. A pregnancy would have been a disaster anyway, but this…”
She sees something in his features shift, an almost imperceptible flash crossing his eyes. “Disaster…” he echoed. “You don’t want this, Jen?”
In all the scenarios she had played out in her mind since getting the news a few hours ago, she hadn’t actually pictured one where Jethro wasn’t as horrified as she had been. “We…we’ve never spoken about children. You’ve been married three times and never had them, I just assumed you didn’t want them,” she admitted.
There it was again, that expression, the one she just didn’t recognise, couldn’t get a read on at all, which was unnerving, she thought she knew all his little micro expressions, and now wasn’t the time to realise that she didn’t. “They just didn’t happen,” he told her after a second.
“Oh.”
The following silence hung heavily in the air between them, seconds stretching out awkwardly before he asked again, “Do you want this baby?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I had a plan, this wasn’t it. But now I’m here…maybe…it’s probably my last chance. It’s already higher risk because of my age, still a chance that it’s not even viable-” she cuts off sharply, aware she’s rambling.
“The doctor say that?” Jethro asked her calmly.
“Not exactly, said the risks of a chromosome disorder are higher, but there’s a heartbeat so that’s a good sign.”
“You heard the heartbeat?”
She looked at him and for a moment she could have sworn it was wonder on his features. “No, it was too soon for that, but she could see it on the ultrasound she did to confirm the pregnancy and to date it. Looks more like a tiny tadpole than a baby,” she confesses.
“How far on are you?”
“About seven weeks. She gave me a photo; it’s in my bag.” She reached under her desk, hauling it out and raking through its contents, a frown crossing her face as she muttered, “I put it in here, I swear didn’t take it out.”
Gibbs reached out, his hand resting over hers, “Could have fallen out when you went back to the house. We can find it later.”
Jenny gave a nod. “You know I hate to say you’re right but…well we have more important things to discuss.”
“Never said the photo wasn’t important. But we need to-” He was cut off by a knock at the door.
“I need to…”
“Yeah.” He stepped back from her, hands falling to his sides.
She bit the inside of her lip for a brief second, forcing everything that had been bubbling to the surface back down again. “Come in.” Her voice sounded slightly strained even to her own ears.
Cynthia stepped back into the room. “I’m sorry, to interrupt Ma’am, but I’ve just had a call to say there’s been a breach in Miss Sciuto’s lab. Chemical origin.”
A few hours had passed since Cynthia’s interruption; the early evening darkness had settled over DC as the chaos of the afternoon had finally settled into a more controlled version of mayhem. Jenny stood next to Gibbs, peering into the sealed-up forensics lab, Tony hovering behind them. “Hydrogen cyanide gas,” the tech told them. “Another three minutes in here and game over.”
“How did this happen?” She asked.
Tony leafed through a file as he told them, “Abby said the coke was bad, contains potassium cyanide which when she added the,” he grimaced as he stuttered, “The acidified cobalt thio..thio…”
“Acidified cobalt thiocyanate,” the tech called helpfully from the lab.
“Yeah…the acidified cobalt thiocyanate from her drug test kit,” Tony rattled off, closing the folder and nodding knowingly.
“So, this was an accident,” she stated.
“Abby doesn’t have accidents,” Gibbs countered.
“Well Abby also doesn’t have enemies. I mean it’s not like we’re talking about Agent Dinozzo.”
“Hey!” Tony protested sharply, belatedly adding, “Ma’am.” When her gaze swivelled to him.
“The crime scene was a setup, Director,” Gibbs told her as he turned towards the elevator.
She made to follow him, Tony another step behind her as he added, “And right now Abby is our best lead, so while her and McGee were playing in the shower’s, Ziva and I took a walk through the world of Scuito. Our mistress of the dark was keeping secrets from us.”
Tony handed Gibbs the file and Jenny saw his face darken as he looked over it, she peered over his shoulder, trying to catch a glimpse as the elevator stopped at the bullpen.
They stepped out and Gibbs closed over the folder. “Go find Ziva, we need to talk to Abby.” He instructed Tony.
As he scuttled off, Jenny asked Gibbs. “What did it say? Your shoulder makes a better door than a window, couldn’t see it.”
“Abby has an ex-boyfriend who cleans up crime scenes for a living.”
“If anyone would have an ex with that job description it would be Abby.”
“Also has a restraining order out against him.”
“Ah…”
“Yeah.” He sighs and looks over at her. “You holding up ok?”
Surprised, Jenny blinks as she remarked, “I’m a big girl Jethro, and we’ve dealt with worse than this.”
“Not what I meant.”
The baby “Oh…” She quickly glanced around, the bullpen was mostly empty, and they were still by the elevator doors, no-one in earshot. “I’m fine. The lab was sealed-”
“Stress can’t be good for you.”
“I’m somewhat used to it.”
“Go get some rest. We’ll talk to Abby, pick up this creep and get it sorted out. Techs are sorting the lab. No need for you to be here.”
“You know how to make a girl feel wanted,” she quipped.
“Jen…” he sighed.
“Being busy helps.” She admitted quietly as she stared past his shoulder, unable to meet his steady gaze. “There’s some ops running in MTAC, I can supervise those for a bit-”
“I know we need to talk, make decisions. It’s just-”
“Not a good time,” she finished for him. “You need to make sure your team is safe, I get it Jethro and I suppose this gives me time to think, but until then you need to let me manage this in my own way.”
There was a moment of silence between them until finally he nodded, “Fine, but at least try and grab some sleep in your office.”
“I’ll try.” She promised him, finally looking up to meet his eyes and forcing a smile onto her face. “Now go, before any more of my building gets put on lockdown.”
The low hum of conversation fills MTAC as Gibbs stepped into the dark room, he can see Jenny sitting in the front row, can hear the tail end of the update she’s being given. “Singapore have infiltrated Abu Sayyaf.”
“Good,” she closes over the folder on her lap, hands it across as she instructs, “forward this to Sealift command ASAP.”
“Right away Ma’am.”
Gibbs slipped into the seat next to her, she looks slightly irritated but some of the tension that had been so palpable yesterday seems to have eased. She shook her head as she glanced in his direction, telling him irritably, “I picked a bad week to cut out caffeine,” before gulping down a mouthful of water, her face contorting in disgust. He wonders if she’s cut it out because of the baby, finds himself hoping so and that it might be a sign she’s coming round to the idea.
He decided to ease into conversation, can see she’s caught up with work, absorbed in it and he doesn’t want to push too hard, too fast. “Abu Sayyaf?”
She nodded, glancing back at the main screen in front of them before returning her attention back to him. “Singapore’s mole believe they have infiltrated a prepositions ship at Diego Garcia” She winces as he takes a mouthful of his coffee and briefly looks away, gathering her self-control. “I’ll fill you in later. How’s Abby?”
“Scared.”
“Hmmm, I thought that Moyer fellow had an airtight alibi.”
He gave a small scoff. “Alibi yes, airtight-”
“Is that Jamaican blend,” she interrupts suddenly, her eyes locked onto his coffee cup.
He nods before continuing, “Albi yes, airtight no. Last thing a homicide cop worries about is his clean up guy.”
“Yeah, well your clean up guy just made an interesting play, Abby’s been subpoenaed again.”
“I thought she was done with the court.”
“She was, until the defence got an anonymous email saying that the consultant for the prosecution had gone into protective custody.”
“Moyer must have found out-”
“You don’t use cream and sugar, do you?”
Gibbs shakes his head, noting that her gaze is fixed back on his cup again, can see the slight shadow underneath her eyes, she must be exhausted, he continues with the update, because despite the fact that her mind is obviously jumping between the case and her need for coffee, he knows she won’t appreciate if he deviates from topic. “Moyer must have found out about the case from Abby’s computer,”
“And now he’s trying to lure her out.”
“Does the defence know they’re being used?”
She scoffs. “They don’t care. My guess is they’re going to use Abby’s restraining order to claim that her judgement is faulty.” He sees her eye him, looking longingly as he takes a gulp of his coffee, he doesn’t flatter himself that that desperation in her eyes is intended for him.
“Her judgement?” He queries.
“Yeah, the defence is going to argue that she makes bad choices.” Her lips thin and she hands him another folder that is perched on her lap. “I don’t know this defence lawyer, I’ve never dealt with her but obviously she likes to win.”
“I have.”
Jenny looks at him in surprise. “You know her?”
“Yeah, I thought I did. If she wants to talk Abby, she can do it here.”
“Agreed. I’ll pass it on.”
He nods, and leaning pointedly across her, he puts his coffee mug into the cup holder on her left-hand side. “Think you need this more than me.”
A ghost of a smile danced across her lips before it faded and she told him, “I can’t.” She glanced around, lowers her voice slightly more, “It’s not recommended.”
“You can have one cup a day.” He smiled at her look of surprise. “Hey, I can google.”
A small snort of laughter escaped her at his turn of phrase. “I suppose I should just be grateful that you didn’t ask Jeeves.”
“Who?”
Her smile widened even further. “Technology really isn’t in your skillset.”
“That’s why I have McGee.”
“I assume you did this particular bit of research yourself.”
“I did,” he confirmed. “You get much sleep last night?”
She took a sip of the coffee. “A little.”
He nodded. “Need anything?”
Jenny met his gaze and waggled her coffee at him, “Not anymore.”
Laughing under his breath, he got to his feet. “Well in that case, I suppose I’ll get back to tracking down Moyer and replacing my coffee.”
Gibbs glanced up at the catwalk to see Jenny walking out of MTAC, she caught his gaze and raised a pointed eyebrow before she paused and leaned against the railings. His team distracted and bickering amongst themselves about their dinner, he took the opportunity to head up the stairs to join her. He’d been pre-occupied with Abby’s situation the last few days, but that hadn’t stopped him from thinking over Jenny’s unplanned pregnancy every second that he had even a moment of spare headspace.
Not having children in his first marriage hadn’t felt like a conscience choice at the time, it had just been so short-lived that it hadn’t ever been a consideration, not really. In his subsequent marriages it had been a bone of contention, Diane especially had wanted children, and it had caused so many of their later arguments. He hadn’t wanted to bring a child into a marriage he knew in his bones had been a mistake, that didn’t ever feel quite right, where he just wasn’t as wholeheartedly committed as he should be. There was also fear, losing Shannon was brutal enough, losing Kelly...even years later it was grief he couldn’t put words to, and he just didn’t really want to have to pick himself up from that again. Hadn't know if he had it in him. But this baby was here and although he was trying not to get attached to the idea, he could feel a small bubble of happiness start to build. There were so many reasons that continuing with this pregnancy was a bad idea, but none of them felt big enough; not to him anyway. But he also didn’t want to pressure Jen into something so huge if she didn’t want it.
Reaching the catwalk, he leaned onto the railing next to her. She was more upright, her hands wrapped around the stainless steel, her slim frame rigid with anxiety, whilst he pressed into his forearms a concentrated effort to look more relaxed, to not draw undue attention to them. “Terry Spooner still isn’t confessing,” he told her, “But pretty sure he’ll be held on remand until the trial.”
Jenny’s mouth quirked into a humourless smile, “Oh I think a few days in a high security prison, and he’ll be desperate to carve out a deal.”
“He doesn’t deserve one.”
“I don’t disagree, but the cost of a trial...I can’t see JAG putting up too much of a fight on accepting a plea.” She held up a hand and shot him a warning look, “And I don’t have a say in their decisions.”
“I’ll just need to go bang together some heads at JAG then.”
She rolled her eyes and gave a small shake of her head as she muttered, “I look forward to that complaint.” Looking down into the bullpen she watched his team tucking into their takeout containers, Abby leaning over Mcgee’s shoulder with her set of chopsticks, intent on pilfering from him. She inclined her head in their direction and remarked, “Abby seems more like herself.”
“Yeah.”
“And have you forgiven McGee?”
Gibbs tsked under his breath. “He should have been more careful, taught him better than that, at least I thought I had.”
“We all make mistakes.”
He let out a low grumble, glanced sideways at her, she looked tired, her face slightly pinched, her body held tight with anxiety. “You ok?”
“Tired,” she admitted. “Heading home soon.”
“Want me to drive you?”
Jenny shook her head. “You’re on shift and I’ve seen your outstanding pile of paperwork.”
“Ach, I can get Dinozzo to do some of it, keep him awake.”
“Last thing we need now is to start a rumour, which we will if we leave together,” she countered.
“We need to talk though.”
“We do.” She let out a long, low sigh. “My office?”
Gibbs looked at her in surprise. “You wanna talk here?”
She let out a small snort of almost humourless laughter, “We’ve barely left here the last three days, you’re on all of tonight and start on call tomorrow and I’m due back in MTAC at 7am.”
“Point taken.”
As much as he wanted to walk beside her, slip his arm around her waist, he let her stay half a step in front of him, aware that it would look less suspicious.
Her office door closed behind them with a heavy clunk, Jenny slipped her heels off, pressing her hands into her lower back before dropping down onto her sofa. Gibbs sat next to her, leaned forward and lifted her feet across his legs, rubbing his thumbs into the soles. She let out a noise of contentment, letting her head rest against the side of the cushion. “I thought my feet and ankles weren’t meant to hurt till the end of pregnancy, not right at the start.”
“Think your choice in footwear might have something to do with that.”
Jenny shot him a half-hearted glare. “I like the extra height.”
“For when you go toe to toe with those sphincters on the hill?”
“That’s part of it.” She rolled her head side to side, easing out the tightness in her neck muscles before her green eyes fixed onto his. “But that’s not what we came in here to talk about.”
“Nope.” He held her gaze. “Want to tell me where you’re at?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “Sometimes I think I want this, but it will destroy everything I’ve worked for.”
“That the only thing holding you back.”
“No. Your opinion is also pretty important on this.”
“I’ll support you no matter what you decide,” he told her calmly.
One eyebrow raised at him as she remarked pointedly, “Jethro it’s not like you to hold back and now certainly isn’t the time for you to start.”
“I want this baby,” he admitted, his voice ever so slightly gruffer than usual. “I know it’s not good timing, I know there’s a lot to figure out, but doesn’t change it for me.”
Jenny looked away from him, rested her cheek to the side, gave a soft sigh. “I don’t know if that just made things better or worse.”
“Meant it when I said I’d support you.”
“I know you did.”
His fingers moved up to her ankle. “If the only reason is because of what it’ll do to your career, then I’ll retire Jen.”
Her eyes widened in surprise. “Jethro, you can’t retire.”
“I can. I meet the criteria to finish early, don’t exactly have a lot of outgoings so money isn’t an issue and if I’m not an agent then the higher ups can’t get themselves in a twist about us.”
“But your job is everything to you.”
Gibbs gave a shrug, “Doesn’t have to be.” He shot her a smile. “Can give you my resignation right now if you want.”
Despite the seriousness of the conversation, Jenny gave a quiet laugh, “I know I’ve joked about it before, but honestly, you almost feel like part of the furniture around here, it wouldn't feel the same without you. And what about your team?”
“They’d cope.”
He watched her mull over what he’d just told her, tried to keep his face impassive, he didn’t want to pressure her into the wrong decision. A few seconds passed before she confirmed, “You mean that?”
“Wouldn’t say it if I didn’t.”
“No, you wouldn’t,” she admitted. Another few seconds and she gave a nod. “I’d like to keep going with this. But,” Her hand reached forward and curved around his, “before we make any final decisions, let's make sure that everything is ok.”
“That’s fair, and if it is, then you can put through my retirement papers as soon as you need to.”
“Depending on how many people you piss off in the meantime, that could be a very quick decision," she teased, as her thumb moved slowly over his hand.
His smile widened and he chuckled. “In the meantime, whatever you need, just ask. Coffee on demand,”
Her face paled slightly and she shook her head, her throat muscles visibly tightening as she swallowed heavily. “No coffee, threw up the one I drank this morning, while it was still hot.”
He winced. “No coffee then, we can find something else.”
Jenny squeezed his hand, her smile growing again as she squeezed his hand. “You really are all in on this.”
“Yeah I am.”
“I just wish I could find that scan photo to show you, I’ve no idea where it’s gone.”
“It’ll turn up, and next time you have an appointment-”
“You will be the first to know.” She yawned, her hand moving away from his to cover her mouth. “There’s more we need to talk about.”
“There is.” He leaned forward, brushing his fingers over her cheek and pushing a strand of hair off her cheek. “But you need to sleep. The rest of it can wait.” He shifted her legs from his, placing her feet gently on the floor before reaching for her heels. As she slipped them on, he told her, “I’m walking you to your car.”
“How chivalrous,”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“You should.” She stood up, turned to face him as she drew her bottom lip momentarily between her teeth, looking uncharacteristically nervous. “About us, we’ve never said-” He bent his head, kissed her softly, one hand speared into her hair and the other wrapping round her waist, pulling her into him. She relaxed against him, her hands running up his arms and winding around his neck. After a moment she pulled back, “Is this you trying to distract me?”
“Sort of. You are exhausted, you need to sleep. I’m trying to show you that you don’t have anything to worry about.” He walked to her coat stand, grabbing hers and holding it out to her. “C’mon, get yourself home.”
“Fine,” she smiled, letting him help her into her coat.
Gibbs watched her as she pulled her hair out from where it had partially curled underneath the collar, relieved at the direction their conversation had taken them. He stood, back against the door as she locked some files into her drawer and gathered up her bag, hooking it over her elbow. A small tug of discomfort formed in his gut as he realised that he was going to have to finally tell her about Shannon and Kelly.
She glanced over at him and smiled at him brightly. “Right, ready to go.”
He opened the door, let her breeze past him. Once his on call was finished, he’d tell her, he decided firmly.