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As soon as the tent flap shut behind them Julien's lips were on Alogar's. No time was wasted, as they both started pulling at buckles and shucking off their armour and cloaks. By the time there was only soft, thin fabrics between them, Alogar's lungs burned and he pulled away to catch his breath.
“So impatient.” Alogar huffed amusedly.
“Like you are any better.” Julien shot back, eyes roaming over Alogar. Inspecting him.
Alogar couldn't argue. He could hardly remember the passing words between the group as his mother took Occtis, Gaya, and their elf and halfling companions to rest. They hadn't explained much, but he gathered his mother was tending to them while Julien made some excuse about inspecting the battalion, and someone had made a comment about knowing Julien had been worried about his trainees, but Alogar had been too distracted anticipating this moment to remember who said it, or the names of the new companions. Of course, the inspection had also been a ruse. Or a double entendre, considering he could feel Julien's roaming hands as they searched him for any sign of an injury as their breath mingled.
“Were you worried about me, Sir Julien?” Alogar asked smugly, even as he struggled to catch his breath.
Julien looked between Alogar's eyes and the rest of his body, still visually scanning for anything out of place. “You have no idea.” Julien whispered eventually.
Something in Alogar softened at the degree of the sincerity bleeding into Julien's voice. Desperation and insistence weren't foreign to him and his nights (and mornings and afternoons and evenings) with Sir Julien, and the undercurrent of something more was often there–often teased about. They often whispered in the throes of passion that something more brought them back again and again despite their respective relationships with Thjazi Fang–despite how forbidden they were–but that had never felt so real as it did then, hiding from his mother so they could find this comfort in each other's skin.
Normally this sort of night wasn't a surprise to Alogar. Nights that felt like they couldn't exist if they weren't more happened more frequently than either of them would admit. Normally they were both equally fractured, equally unwilling to put up the farce of hatred, but not this night. They had been reunited under strange circumstances, rather than fighting alongside in the lead up to the hot and confusing mess of lips and hands and need. Alogar's assignment wasn't particularly pleasant, but it was routine at this point, and Julien was reacting to something new. And he was worried about Alogar, not himself. So Alogar pulled Julien back in and wrapped his arms around the older knight's shoulders, he pressed his forehead into Julien's and quietly let Julien search for a moment.
“Alogar, you-” Julien whispered, stopping when his voice cracked harshly.
“I'm okay.” Alogar whispered reassuringly. “I promise, I'm okay.”
Julien pressed in once again, kissing Alogar with a heated desperation. This time, Alogar noticed Julien's fingers trembled slightly. It was almost imperceptible, especially when Alogar had been content to lose himself in the reunion, but with the realization there was genuine concern–genuine emotion–beneath it all, Alogar's mind locked in on every detail. He remembered Julien had been sent away, and this fluttering wasn't normal for him, even for their sort of deliberate distraction from the horrors the Barrowguard faced day in and day out. Something had spoken to a darker force moving on the Night. Something that Alogar, one of the finest warriors Castle Torch had ever seen, likely couldn't have withstood in Julien's mind if Julien's frantic touch was anything to go by.
They stumbled together as Julien's legs hit the edge of the bed. Alogar pulled back enough to pull Julien's undershirt over his head and gently pushed Julien down. Julien sat back easily and started to shuck his pants off. Alogar only got his shirt off before kneeling over Julien, not wanting to keep himself out of reach.
Something that had sent Julien running to him. To Alogar. And even with Alogar in front of him, Julien didn't seem to feel entirely relieved. Something stuck. Alogar still didn't know the full story of what had happened but he knew it had shaken Julien in a way that the Eternal Night never had, and in that moment Alogar wanted nothing more than to protect him from it.
“I need you.” Julien whined against his lips, pulling at Alogar's belt.
“I'm right here.” Alogar said, hands moving to help Julien push down his pants. “Take me.”
Julien shook his head slightly. “I need you inside me.”
“Then you'll have me.” Alogar promised, leaning down to mouth at Julien's neck and feeling the same swell of power as he always did when Julien asked him for this. Julien's expectation always seemed to be this way, but the words did something to Alogar, and he could never bring himself to say no. “I'm not going anywhere.”
As Alogar's touches became more confident and demanding, the panicked edge of Julien's desperation–the undercurrent of don't disappear–faded and Julien's touches turned sloppy with need. He bent into Alogar, seeking every point of connection he possibly could, begging with his body to keep Alogar there–to keep him close. And Alogar was more than happy to comply.
“Julien.” Alogar whispered as his kisses trailed further and further down, groping at and marking every bit of the man he could reach.
“Al…” Julien groaned appreciatively. “Please-”
“You came back to me.” Alogar whispered, and he felt Julien's breath hitch. “So let me take care of you now. The way only I can.”
Alogar felt Julien tense, and looking back up, he saw the facade finally truly crumble. At first he wanted to tell himself he shouldn't have said it, the pain suddenly so stark on his face felt like his fault, but he knew better. He knew what that pain was. He'd seen it their first night together, and Alogar knew that he'd worn a similar expression that night as well. Someone–maybe even someone who had whispered the same words from the same position above Julien–was dead.
Julien pushed up onto his elbows, trying weakly to bury the pain again, and pulled Alogar into a kiss hurriedly. Alogar forced away the instinctual frown as the taste of saline quickly bled into their lips, but didn't protest yet. Julien slowed his hands and the kiss, but he didn't push Alogar away just yet either. It was when Alogar heard Julien's breathing hiccup as he failed to hide his breathing becoming laboured that Julien pulled away abruptly, head tiled forward and eyes cast down as he tried hard to steady his breathing.
“Hey…” Alogar whispered, cupping Julien's cheek to slowly tip Julien's chin back up to face him.
Julien sniffed sharply before opening his eyes and looking back up to Alogar. “I'm sorry, I'm fine, I-”
Alogar shook his head. “No, you're not.”
“I'm fine.” Julien insisted weakly.
“You don't have to try and hide this from me.” Alogar whispered, wiping away some of Julien's tears with his thumb. “Not here. Not now.”
“No more words.” Julien pleaded softly, eyes turning away again. “Not yet.”
“We don't have to talk about it.” Alogar agreed easily. “I understand what you need so I'll give it to you, and you don't need to hide from me to get it.” He continued gently. “You know that by now, don't you?”
Alogar could see the conflict on Julien's face as he tried to steel himself. Looking back, Julien searched Alogar's expression, maybe for some sort of dishonesty–a reason to close off–but Alogar didn't show a shred. Beneath his fingers, Alogar felt Julien's muscles coil, like they would the second before the body decided on fight or flight, but Alogar's mind was made up first.
“I'm so glad you came back.” Alogar whispered, perhaps more genuinely than ever before, and he felt that tension in Julien break away, and, as if he remembered why he was there, Julien pulled Alogar down into a deep and languid kiss.
And Alogar knew that was exactly what Julien was there for now. To be reminded someone was glad he'd survived whatever it was that someone he loved didn't. To be reminded that he didn't need to carry that sort of guilt, and that his life was worth being saved even when another's equally or even more worthy one hadn't been. To have those reassurances burned into his skin, and to feel the ache left behind the next morning to remind him of the relief Alogar felt knowing that Julien had come back. To remind him that Alogar was relieved to have him back, and how much it meant that Alogar was relieved.
Alogar reached down off the side of the bed for the bottle of oil kept tucked there, always within arm's reach. He fumbled it open and poured some into his hand, not breaking away from Julien. Julien gasped lightly as Alogar's fingers began tracing the rim of Julien's entrance, spreading the lubricant. Julien pressed his forehead into Alogar's and looked down, licking his lips in anticipation at the sight.
“You ready for me?” Alogar asked smugly, pouring more oil directly onto Julien.
“Yes, I need you to-” Julien cut himself off with a gasp as Alogar's slicked finger slipped into him.
“Fuck, you're so tight. Gonna have to stretch you real good.” Alogar whispered, shuffling back to get a better view of Julien splayed out for him as he worked the man open, first with one finger, then with two.
Alogar's relief didn't stem from the need for an heir or propriety or intergenerational oaths. It wasn't felt because of the story he told about the day he brought Thjazi Fang low, and it wasn't because of his sexual prowess. It was because Julien had earned Alogar's affection, to whatever limit there was to it(though Alogar wondered more and more if such a limit even existed anymore), through his deeds and character, and they outweighed his reputation and station. They had to because Alogar had hated Julien from the start because of them.
“Al, I need-” Julien sobbed as Alogar curled his fingers, and his head fell back, exposing his pale neck. “Fuck-”
Alogar took the opportunity and didn't give any warning before leaning down and mouthing at Julien's cock. Julien bucked slightly, but Alogar forced Julien's hips into the bed with his free hand. Alogar relished in Julien's quiet gasps. He could hear Julien take in more and more breath as Alogar tested all of the places he remembered Julien liked best and pressed a third finger into his hole.
Most any other night, Julien would be putty in Alogar's hands by now. Instead, Julien still twitched into and away from Alogar's touch. But it wasn't out of displeasure that Julien tried to force himself to arch away, that was the propriety. A part of Julien was telling him that he didn't need this comfort. That he didn't need Alogar. But Alogar knew that was wrong.
Alogar sucked Julien down, swallowing around the shaft. He hummed around Julien, eyes fluttering shut as the cock in his throat throbbed. Julien could suppress his moans before, but not anymore, and Alogar relished in the sounds he made as Alogar bobbed up and down.
Alogar could've enjoyed this alone–the noises, the weak thrusts and the cock throbbing in him–and he almost wanted to. To make Julien cum down his throat and hear Julien's frustrated laugh when Alogar told him that's all he'd get, but Julien had asked for something and Alogar would deliver. Right before Julien reached his limit, Alogar slowly pulled off of Julien's cock, the tip releasing with a quiet pop and Julien groaned.
“Breathe, Julien. Relax.” Alogar said with a grin as he continued scissoring Julien open.
Julien closed his eyes and forced in a breath and tried to do as he was told. He managed a few slightly uneven breaths before Alogar felt his body relax. Then Julien jolted, tensing again, and his eyes shot back open, wide as he looked up at the ceiling, away from Alogar but open. After a breath or two, Julien closed his eyes again, and the cycle repeated. It was a pattern that reinforced Alogar's theory that something had shaken Julien deeply, that something more than just a simple death of someone Julien had cared about had taken place. Julien wasn't closing his eyes to bask in the aftershocks of his denied pleasure because something Julien was still running from was burned into the back of his eyelids. Alogar watched it repeat one more time before he had enough.
“Look at me.” Alogar commanded, and Julien's head lolled back down, eyes lidded but directed in Alogar's direction. “You're here now. I've got you, and we're not going anywhere. Keep your eyes on me.”
“Okay.” Julien nodded, panting harshly. His fingers tightened on Alogar's shoulders as Alogar climbed back over him slowing him, but his eyes locked onto Alogar's.
Julien's pupils were blown and his eyes red and swollen with the tears that still trailed down Julien's cheeks, but he looked up at Alogar as if he were the last thing holding Julien together. Most nights Alogar would relish in how much of a mess and how pliant Julien was now, and a part of him did, but more than that he relished in the trust shining in Julien's eyes as Alogar withdrew his fingers.
Julien trusted no one else like this, even his other frequent lovers. Julien would go to others for fun, but he only trusted Alogar with this and it made the part of Alogar that trusted Julien like no one else sing. This wasn't charged with malice or a search for vindication like it sometimes was, it felt a bit too much like holding Julien's one and only heart in his hand and knowing it was the most precious thing he'd ever touched. Alogar couldn't shake the feeling as he wrapped Julien's legs around his waist slowly pressed into him.
Julien's eyes fluttered as he gasped at the stretch. Alogar let his hands roam over Julien's chest and started rocking slowly into him. Julien was undeniably beautiful like this. He was a mess, without any pretenses of station or duty, and with Julien lax and flushed and moaning quietly, he looked like he belonged in a painting. Some sort of artwork named Temptation or Hedonism.
“So good for me.” Alogar whispered, slowly drawing out of Julien. “I gotta reward you for being so good, don't I?”
“Please-” Julien begged, voice breaking off into a moan when Alogar slammed back into him.
“How could I tell you no when you ask me so nicely?” Alogar chuckled, watching as Julien's eyes struggled to focus on him.
Julien couldn't find any words anymore as Alogar began pounding into him relentlessly. Julien didn't want to, and Alogar didn't need him to. Every thrust pushed a debauched moan out of Julien, and every bite pushed everything but pleasure from Julien's focus. Alogar felt pride swell in his chest at how easily he pushed every thought–good or bad, dark or lighthearted–out of Julien's mind. All Julien could think of was how much power Alogar had over him then and how he knew Alogar would only feed him pleasure.
Alogar watched all semblance of complex thought drain from Julien as Alogar pressed into him, prodding, stroking and teasing all of the older knight's most sensitive places. Julien had come to him for comfort, but he'd also come to Alogar to be mindless. To not have to think or consider anything more than the knowledge that he was alive.
The pleasure was a thank you. And a sigh of relief. Alogar was rewarding him for being alive. Reminding him that he should be rewarded. That not only did someone care for him, that someone saw that his survival wasn't a matter of luck or fate. He deserved the place in life that he fought for and he was supposed to fight for it. He was being rewarded for it after all, and he wouldn't be rewarded by Alogar for something he wasn't supposed to do. Every thrust pushed more and more cohesion from Julien's mind and body, and Alogar would reward him for that too. He always would, but there was a minute flinch every so often, marking the moments Julien's coherent thoughts pushed through, and every time that Julien pushed past it towards mindlessness, Alogar rewarded him with more than just pleasure.
“You're so good for me.” Alogar panted, praising Julien. “So perfect when you're on my cock.”
Alogar continued to spout mindless praise for Julien until Julien started spasming in the tell tale way he did as he reached his limit.
“You gonna cum for me?” Alogar asked, slamming harder and deeper into Julien. “Gonna make a mess for me, Julien?”
“Make me- Make me cum. Please-” Julien eked out between thrusts, thighs tightening around Alogar's waist.
“That's right. Just let go. I've got you.”
Julien moaned and twitched as he, ever the diligent soldier, let himself be pushed over the edge. Alogar watched with his own blown pupils, groaning at the sight of Julien as he painted himself with his own cum, head thrown back in ecstasy.
“I'll take care of you. I can take all of your cum. I want it.” Alogar whispered devilishly, continuing to thrust steadily into Julien, relenting only enough to ease into a slow stroke as Julien caught his breath.
“Al- I can't.” Julien whined, panting harshly.
“Yes, you can.” Alogar insisted.
“I can't. I gave you all I- Fuck…” Julien's begging trailed off into a broken moan as Alogar wrapped a hand around Julien's cock.
“I can feel how hard you still are. I know you can give me more.” Alogar teased Julien, slowly stroking his cock in unison with his thrusts.
“Please-” Alogar smiled at the brokenness in Julien's voice, teetering on the edge between begging for more and begging for mercy.
“One more.” Alogar whispered encouragingly. “Just give me one more.”
Julien nodded weakly, eyes still unfocused but almost circling Alogar, still trying to obey his earlier command but struggling to. “I need- Fuck, Alogar-” Julien swore.
“I know. I know what you need.” Alogar shushed him. “I'm gonna give you what you need. I'm gonna fuck more cum out of you.” Alogar smirked as Julien moaned wantonly at his words. “Be good and just lay back and enjoy.”
Julien nodded again and then groaned loudly as Alogar renewed his earlier pace. Skin slapping on skin echoed around him and accentuated Julien's sounds of pleasure, dragging Alogar closer and closer towards his own climax. Alogar was proud of how long he kept his focus, but Julien was finally winning over his resolve. Quickly, Alogar found himself slamming into Julien with reckless abandon, and jerking him off with uneven sporadic strokes.
Julien was an even bigger mess beneath him now. It didn't take long for the overstimulation to push more tears from his eyes, but those looked so much better on Julien's flushed face than the tears from earlier. Instead of wiping them away as well, Alogar grabbed Julien's chin and forced his head steady, facing Alogar, so he could admire the glistening on his cheeks.
“That's it. I knew you could take it.” Alogar spat out, and Julien moaned loud enough he was sure that the entire encampment must've heard, but Alogar didn't relent. “Cum for me again. Just like this. Cum.”
It happened slower the second time. Julien's ass clenched around Alogar deliciously as Julien keened, and then a few weak spurts of cum joined the mess on his stomach. This time, Alogar let go too. His hips stuttered and his hand slid from Julien's face to the bed beside him to hold himself up as he let Julien's ass milk the cum from his cock. Julien moaned impossibly louder as Alogar pumped his load deep into Julien.
As they came down from their orgasms, Julien's eyes fluttered shut, and Alogar watched for the tension to come back, like it had before. But it never did. Satisfied with his work, Alogar leaned down, pressing soft kisses down Julien's chest, and slowly started pulling out of him. Julien unhooked his legs from around Alogar's waist and let him pull out completely. Julien hummed tiredly as Alogar took the opportunity to move further back and admire Julien once again.
His eyes were closed blissfully, his face, red, and his lips, swollen. His neck covered in bruises, heart beating so hard Alogar could see it there, and chest heaving. And just below that, his stomach covered in his own cum, and his softening cock, and the cum dripping from his ass. A painting couldn't capture the wrecked beauty of it, even if it could move and speak. Impulsively, Alogar collected the dribble of cum on his thumb and pushed it back in. Julien clenched lightly around the thumb as he withdrew it, as if trying to obey a silent command. Keep it. Then Alogar watched as he relaxed again and the cum pooled at his rim.
“Fuck, Julien.” Alogar whispered appreciatively, and leaned down to lap up his own cum as it started to drip from Julien's ass again.
“Enough.” Julien laughed breathily, and weakly pushed Alogar's head away.
“What? I'm cleaning up my mess.” Alogar smirked mischievously, looking up to see Julien gazing down at him with a relaxed expression.
“I'll suffer with that mess for tonight. Come here.” Julien tugged Alogar up to a sloppy kiss.
“Can we clean up this one though, please?” Alogar whispered against Julien's lips after a minute, tapping his abdomen. “I refuse to lie down in it.”
Julien rolled his eyes. “If you insist.” He whispered, annoyance not reaching his eyes or voice, and pushed Alogar off him to roll out of the bed. He didn't go far, only far enough to grab Alogar's discarded shirt and use it to wipe the cum from his stomach.
“Asshole.” Alogar grumbled, grabbing the blankets and slipping beneath them and getting himself comfortable.
“You enjoyed my asshole, I do everything you ask, and yet you complain like this?” Julien asked with a playful smirk, tossing the shirt back to the floor once he was done with it. “Ungrateful.”
It was Alogar's turn to roll his eyes. “Get a new joke.” Alogar said as he lifted the corner of the blanket and beckoned Julien back towards the bed.
Without a moment's hesitation, Julien crawled under the covers and curled into Alogar's side, and rested his head on his chest. Alogar took his cue and wrapped his arms around Julien and held him loosely. Then Alogar waited, silently stroking Julien's hair.
Eventually, long after they had both caught their breath and settled into each other, and long enough that Alogar almost gave up waiting entirely, Julien sighed.
“I suppose you'll want some sort of explanation for my bringing your mother here?” Julien asked.
“We can start there.” Alogar smiled encouragingly, tucking a strand of hair away from Julien's eyes. “Whenever you're ready.”