Work Text:
Cable comes home to a destroyed safe house and it's not in the usual way. Sure there's usually some blood but that's mostly regulated to the bathroom and couch. He immediately checks the hidden cameras to find footage of two people who look like him beating the shit out of Wade and killing him before disappearing through a portal with the corpse. He growls nearly crushing the computer mouse in his hand recognizing War (an alternate dimension version of himself) and Stryfe (an evil clone of himself). He sends a text to the group chat fondly named DP Polycule. After thinking about it he also contacts Weasel, Bob and Massacre.
Massacre replies instantly "¿Sabes dónde podría haber terminado el jefe? (do you know where the boss might have ended up?)" Cable smiles slightly at Massacre's nickname for Wade before replying "unsure probably an alternate dimension or timeline"
Massacre sends a frustrated emoji "Odio esos tanto como el jefe. (i hate those as much as the boss does)"
"Technically Wade has some love for alternate dimensions and that shit but neither of us have love for War and Stryfe"
"Entendido, Nate. Déjame unirme a la misión de rescate y te absolveré de todos tus pecados. (gotcha Nate let me join in on the rescue mission and I'll absolve you of all sin)"
Nate chuckles at the ex priests joke and checks on the polycule group chat
Most of them have responded except for Shiklah who doesn't really get modern technology
From Tony and Frank is the auto reply they have set up for when their on jobs (a polite busy now talk later for Tony and more grim busy in a firefight most likely from Frank)
Logan is a bit confused as he thought War at least was taken care of permanently
Peter is already talking about getting help from Reed Richards or Tony Stark to travel dimensions the spider may have his issues with both but he takes Wades safety as priority over his hangups
Valentine says they're already concocting some nasty poisons and neuro toxins for Stryfe and War
Clint said he'd get GwenPoole to watch Jeff and Lucky and he'd ready his arrows
Matt said that he'd call Foggy and cancel some appointments maybe take some paid leave for however long it took to get Wade back
Marc said he was already calling in favors with Konshu to see what he could do
Piotr offered to recruit some of the X-Men for the rescue mission
Cable tells Logan that he should know it's never that easy to get rid of evil counterparts
He tells Peter to hold off on owing favors to the Fantastic Four and Tony Stark as they do have the genius that is Weasel on their side
He tells Valentine to make sure her concoctions are good against those with telekinesis, telepathy and the techno organic virus
He tells Clint to bring some serrated arrows
He tells Matt to be ready for how his senses might react to an alternate dimension
He tells Marc to be careful with Konshu as the man is completely capable of indebting himself too much to the moon god over love
He tells Piotr that they have a big enough team already and that he doesn't want him to owe the rest of the X-Men any favors
Cable then heads out to the underground to get to the kingdom of monsters to inform Shiklah
When he gets there he remembers that she's taking care of Laura, Ellie, Princess, Warda, and Russell that day, giving the five children of Deadpool a tour and lesson on the catacombs (though Warda already knows most of this having grown up with her biological mother in the underworld)
Of course when Cable tries to tell Shiklah that Wade has been taken Laura and Princess listen in with their advanced hearing
Ellie insists on helping somehow while Princess growls about eating bad men who hurt her daddy. Russell excitedly exclaims that Firefist will help rescue his adopted father. Laura and Warda are more reasonable though Cable can tell Laura has her hackles up about a member of her pack being in danger while Warda being in a bit of an apathetic state is sure Wade will be fine
Cable ends up giving the five a job of helping intimidate Weasel into helping and readying a safe house for Wade's return and recovery
They head to Sister Margaret's aka the Hellhouse and while Weasel complains about having kids in his bar he quickly shuts up at seeing the very clear threats from each child (Claws from Laura, fire from Russell, fangs from Warda, a tazer from Ellie and just Princess' appearance) and the glare from Cable. He says he'll start working on Wade's teleporter to track him across dimensions and so Cable can body slide the rescue team to the location
Tony and Frank are no longer on a job and both are on their way back to New York
Meanwhile Wade wakes up after a bit of a date with Death and looks around at first he thinks maybe the fuckers have taken out his eyes and ear as everything is completely dark and completely silent. After checking himself over for injuries {Yellow: Peter would be so proud of us we remembered} he determines that he's all healed up and is just in some sensory deprivation chamber [White: well we know what that means] Wade groans loudly he never really could deal well with sensory deprivation his hallucinations just go into over drive
{Yellow: oh though we definitely don't mind when one of our partners blindfold us}
Wade chuckles "true that"
[White: what partners]
"Come on we have 12 partners White you can't tell that not even one of them love me in fact I'm pretty sure I have a folder of every I love you text I've gotten from them"
[White: they could be lying after all who would love you and your open sores]
"No shut up Peter said you have to be nice to me or you don't get those fancy Margaritas anymore...not that we can get a margarita here where even is here I'm gonna call it the dolphin chamber"
{Yellow: oh after that guy that experimented with dolphins, lsd and sensory deprivation?}
[White: you watch so many video essays and you call Peter a nerd]
"I know but like he's a way smarter nerd than me can't take too long from the gang to rescue me"
It takes a few weeks. They end up getting Bruce Banner to help with tracking down the location of Wade's teleporter signal as the man was more sympathetic to Wade than Tony Stark or Reed Richards.
Wade's run out of songs to sing and had died a few times from dehydration and starvation and he's hallucinating worse than when he had bad trips on LSD
Massacre finds Wade first the first word Wade hears other than Yellow White and his own voice is "Ya estamos aquí, jefe. ¡Dios, qué asqueroso está esto! ¿Cuánto tiempo lleva atascado? (We're here boss God it's filthy in here how long have you been stuck)"
Wade just whimpers he doesn't usually hallucinate the Deadpool of Mexico but hey it wouldn't be too unusual he's seen just about everyone he can think of while stuck in the sensory deprivation chamber.
Valentine soon joins Massacre and gives Wade a shot of some vitamin d after seeing how pale Wade is
Wade perks up at the slight pain of their needle finger pricking him and starts to get out of his own head
"Welcome to the dolphin chamber Val"
Valentine sighs softly and kisses his forehead
Wade hears Logan and Shiklah roaring probably going feral on whatever guards are in this place
"I'm so ready to get out of here and eat more than my weight in Mexican food"
Valentine smiles softly "you're gonna need to take it slowly you look more than half starved"
The rest of the polycule enters crowding around Wade and checking on him after the enemies are done with
Cable bodyslides the group home so Wade can be surrounded by his partners kids and friends in a more comfortable location