Work Text:
Once upon a time,
across the seven seas,
there was a ship named The Revenge,
and her pirate captain, Stede.
Dressed in rags and ropes,
was Stede’s quirky crew,
but for a fancy man like Stede,
that simply wouldn’t do.
He wore coats with lacey frills,
and silks and vests and robes,
all of which he kept inside,
his auxiliary wardrobe.
A gentleman such as Stede,
needed a fitting name.
“I am the Gentleman Pirate!”
to his crew, he did proclaim.
But the crew rolled their eyes
and walked away with a groan.
“Oh, how I long for a friend,”
Stede sighed all alone.
The next day, Stede emerged
having slept like a log,
to find The Revenge sailing
towards an island thick with fog.
“The Republic of Pirates,
“Filled with plunderers most foul!”
But despite the crew’s warning,
The Gentleman Pirate said, “Wow!”
Stede hurried to his wardrobe,
to dress in something just right,
and soon, out he stepped
in a suit of silky white.
“Captain,” the crew pondered,
“don’t you think you’ve made an error?”
“Nonsense,” Stede scoffed.
“I’ll have them quivering with terror!”
Stede paraded through the town
and showed off his new attire,
while his crew hid their faces,
afraid of what might transpire.
But Stede was none the wiser
and twirled in his white coat,
yet he was met with laughs and scoffs,
from here back to his boat.
“What an utter waste of time!
I must take this off the streets!”
So Stede found the nearest bar,
where a friend, he hoped to meet.
The bar was a hellish cesspool,
every surface thick with muck,
but Stede took no notice
for he’d finally found his luck.
The bar was full of pirates
dressed in black, cruel and vile,
“Wonderful!” thought Stede,
and he leapt forward with a smile.
“Hi, all!” Stede announced.
“I may be landed gentry,
but I, The Gentleman Pirate,
am thrilled to be granted entry!”
All the pirates stared at Stede,
their eyes venomous as snakes,
and for the first time that day,
Stede began to tremble and shake.
Suddenly, from the back,
a giggle drowned out his fears,
and Stede found the source:
a man with a long, grey beard.
He wore a jacket with one sleeve,
his arm covered with ink,
and a smile so charming
that Stede could only heart blink.
But before Stede could speak
a single word at all,
the spell was quickly broken
by a smashing glass against the wall.
Stede yelped and fell over,
and the room exploded with jeers.
But it was too much for poor Stede,
so he fled the bar in tears.
Far from the pirates and his crew,
where he could never be found,
Stede hid in a dark alley,
and sobbed on the damp ground.
“I’m not a pirate, I’m an idiot!”
Stede wept, alone again.
“I was foolish to think
I could ever be like them!”
Suddenly, there were footsteps,
and Stede froze on the spot.
“Alas,” he despaired,
“it appears I have been caught.”
The footsteps grew louder,
and Stede prepared to meet his doom,
but then, a warm voice said,
“The Gentleman Pirate, I presume?”
Stede nervously looked up
and gave a little nod,
but what he saw before him
was more than a little odd.
It was the thick-bearded man,
his hair, soft and grey,
who was kneeling before Stede
to murmur, “Are you okay?”
“Oh, you are most kind,”
Stede said with little glee.
“But I’m a terrible pirate,
so please just leave me be.”
The man fondly chuckled.
“Most pirates I know are dead,
so you’re doing a lot better
than they ever did.”
Through his sniffles and tears,
Stede somehow chuckled back.
“That may be true,” he sighed,
“but a good impression, I lack.”
The man took a good look
at Stede’s pristine white outfit.
“You’re a fuckin’ lunatic,” he said.
“But you know what? I like it.”
Stede met the man’s gaze
and stared deep into his eyes;
big, gentle and brown
and no hint of a lie.
“You truly are kind,”
Stede smiled through his blues.
“But I’d give everything away
to be just like you.”
The man in leather raised a brow
and with a quiver in his beard,
he grinned and said, “Hey,
you wanna do something weird?”
Stede marched back to the bar
with a steely new resolve
and giggles in his chest
from what would be involved.
“Hear ye, hear ye!”
Stede yelled to the back,
and everybody gaped,
for he was now dressed in black.
“Please join me in welcoming
for his regional debut,”
Stede addressed everyone,
including his clueless crew.
He bowed, long and deep,
and gestured down the hall,
“The Gentleman Pirate!” Stede cried,
and then his jaw dropped in awe.
Out stepped the man
who was once dressed in leather,
but in his brand-new suit,
he appeared to have never felt better.
“Greetings, peasants!”
The man paraded around
in Stede’s white clothes
all stuffy and proud.
“I’m The Gentleman Pirate!”
The man gladly declared.
“And this is my new friend:
The legendary Blackbeard!”
Stede’s eyes went wide.
He felt weak in the knees.
Was he dressed as the meanest pirate
across all the seven seas?
But with a giant breath in,
Stede lifted his head
and found the great Blackbeard
smiling at him instead.
“Hold on,” Stede thought,
as he began to apprehend.
“Friend!” he realised.
“Blackbeard said I’m his friend!”
Side by side, Stede and Blackbeard
held out their hands,
and met every single one
of their eager new fans.
Never in his life
did Stede feel so adored,
even by his crew
who were now all onboard.
He basked in the compliments
every one of them gave,
but by far his favourite was,
“Captain, you are brave.”
Stede turned around
towards this lovely praise.
Of course, it came from Blackbeard
with his smile full of grace.
And it was then Stede realised
that his bravery came
not from his white suit
nor his newfound fame.
He had tried something bold,
he had tried something new,
he had stayed true to himself,
even in his all-black debut.
For it was Stede who had intrigued
the toughest pirate in history
but the man behind the title
was still a great mystery.
“Hello, my name is Stede,”
Stede said to his new friend.
The man smiled, took his hand,
and said, “Hello, my name is Ed.”
