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Pretty much everything wrong in Hayden Pike’s life could, he thought, be traced directly back to Ilya Rozanov. 

Or more specifically, back to the fact that his best friend Shane Hollander was currently experiencing some sort of extended temporary loss of sanity and dating Rozanov. 

Shane, his best friend, was dating Ilya Rozanov. 

No matter how often Hayden tried to come to terms with it, he still felt like he was stuck in the fucking Twilight Zone every time he thought about it. He was still kind of maybe sort of half convinced that at any moment now Shane was going to point to a hidden camera somewhere and crack up laughing at him. Haha, Hayden could imagine him guffawing. You actually believed I was dating Rozanov! As if! We fucking hate that guy, remember?

Maybe that was more of a hope really. A hope that was fading fast, because it had been more than six months since Hayden had found out about their… thing (he couldn’t call it a relationship) and Rozanov had moved to fucking Ottawa, and, okay, Rozanov was a really fucking unpredictable guy but all of that just felt pretty extreme to be a prank. 

So they were together. Allegedly. Definitely. Really, actually together. Dating. In love. Shane had even introduced Rozanov to his parents, apparently. ‘Horrified’ was probably too gentle a term for what Hayden felt about that. Yuna and David Hollander “loved him”, according to Shane, whose judgment Hayden usually trusted with his life, but now was seriously side-eyeing. Rozanov had probably tried to seduce Shane’s mother across the dining room table, and Shane, who was clearly in the middle of some sort of psychological breakdown, probably hadn’t even noticed. 

The whole thing was wrecking Hayden’s head. 

It wasn’t that they were two guys - fuck you Rozanov for suggesting that, by the way - because Shane being gay really wasn’t a big deal to Hayden. Like at all. He was an ally!

Sure, he hadn’t been expecting it when Shane came out to him and Jackie over lunch the year before, but at the same time he wasn’t exactly surprised. Looking back now, it definitely made a lot of things make a lot more sense. Like Rose Landry. He’d known no straight guy would ever fumble a woman like Rose fucking Landry, but he’d just figured she’d gotten bored of talking about face-off percentages or point shares or the best ways to tape a hockey stick or whatever else Shane probably considered normal date conversation. Even so, the way Shane hadn’t seemed even a little bit upset over the break-up had definitely been weird, and honestly, maybe Hayden should have seen the gay thing coming from that alone. 

Because again, Rose fucking Landry. He was married to the hottest woman on the planet (shout out to Jackie, also titleholder of the most beautiful, most intelligent, and most sexy woman on the planet awards) but he had fucking eyes and a cellphone. Rose Landry was not the kind of woman you let slip away without a fight. Unless you were gay. Which Shane was. Damn, he really should have figured the gay thing out sooner. 

Anyway, that was all history now. Whatever. He hadn’t put the pieces together at the time, but he could see how it made sense. It was like one of those weird ink blot tests he saw online sometimes, the ones that just looked like a random blob of colour until you looked at it and looked at it and looked at it and then finally something shifted and you saw it had been a duck the whole time, you just hadn’t been able to see it until now. Shane being gay made sense. 

Ilya Rozanov did not. 

Ilya Rozanov was not a duck. 

Ilya Rozanov was a fucking Apatosaurus excelsus stomping all over Hayden’s life. (Arthur was going through a crazy dinosaur phase. Seriously, the kid was four years old, how the hell was he able to rattle off dinosaur facts like some sort of miniature scientist guy from Jurassic Park? Jackie and Hayden had made a fucking genius child)

The thing was, he just couldn’t wrap his head around it. Shane was so… Shane and Rozanov was so… Rozanov. Jackie had laughed at him when he had tried to explain it to her, but she didn’t get it. Hayden loved her more than life itself, she was his favourite person on the whole planet, and they had been married long enough to know she was usually right about most things, but this… This was different. Jackie wasn’t a hockey player, so she didn’t see Rozanov on ice the way the rest of the league did. She said she thought he was sweet. 

Rozanov was not sweet. 

Rozanov had once broken a guy’s jaw and laughed about it when the media asked him for a statement later. Rozanov had once put four goals past Mitty in a particularly brutal game against Boston, and then sent flowers and a get-well-soon card to his locker. Rozanov had once, actually, honest to god, made one of their rookie defencemen cry after Coach had made the mistake of putting the kid in charge of guarding Rozanov. (That was the game Rozanov had scored four goals in. They had lost. Badly. Hayden still saw the final score in his nightmares sometimes).

Rozanov was the fucking Antichrist on skates. 

They just fundamentally did not belong together. Shane and Rozanov existed in different worlds. Them together… it was like pairing a cute little baby deer with a fucking T-rex. 

He’d known about Shane’s secret boyfriend for a while, had figured out that Boston Lily was more like Boston Luke after Shane came out to him, and it was obvious that things were getting pretty serious between them. Still, for some reason Shane had been reluctant to introduce this mystery boyfriend to Hayden and Jackie, which had led them down some pretty wild flights of imagination, like maybe the guy was a mafia kingpin, or in witness protection, or, like, Justin Trudeau. Or…

“I have a theory,” Hayden had said to Shane that day in the Voyageurs training facility parking lot six months ago. “You used to meet up with your mystery man in Boston, but not anymore. Now you only meet up with him in Ottawa. Who just had a crazy public move from Boston to Ottawa? Rozanov. I bet your mystery man is Ilya Rozanov.”

He had been laughing, expecting Shane to join in and tell him to fuck off. 

Shane had not laughed. 

And Hayden had ended up having fucking dinner parties with Ilya fucking Rozanov. 

Their first attempt at dinner, when Shane and Rozanov had hosted Hayden and Jackie, had been… well, it could have gone better. To put it mildly. 

The thing was, Hayden fundamentally did not like Rozanov. Did not trust him. Did not want to spend time with him, and definitely did not want him to be spending time with Shane. He wanted better for Shane, he wanted Shane to be with someone who hadn’t fucked his way across most of North America, someone who genuinely cared about him, who understood all of the little quirks and oddities that made Shane Shane and loved him for all of it.

Someone who was not Ilya Rozanov. 

Okay so maybe coming to blows with Rozanov in Shane’s kitchen hadn’t been the best way to express that, but come on, it was Rozanov. Hayden’s long dead, deeply Catholic grandmother could have come to blows with him. People who’d had both arms amputated could have come to blows with him. 

But okay, fine, in Shane’s mind at least, Rozanov was here to stay, which meant, according to Jackie, that Hayden would have to suck it up and act like a normal human adult and try to keep his mind open and actually get to know his best friend’s boyfriend. Which meant, apparently, inviting Shane and Rozanov over to their house after an Ottawa game for another attempt at dinner.

Fine. Hayden could do that because he was a normal human adult who cared about his best friend and who was actually having an underreaction to the news that said best friend was dating the human embodiment of all four horsemen of the apocalypse. 

He had asked his mother to send him a vial of holy water though. Just in case. 

Dinner with Shane and Rozanov was proof of reincarnation because Hayden must have been cosmically evil in a past life to be punished like this. It wasn’t Shane’s fault, not really.

Shane was an angel. As polite as ever, sweet, a little bit awkward, weirdly adorable for a grown man practically the same age as Hayden. 

Rozanov was Satan’s favourite general who sometimes took time off from flaying the souls of the damned to play hockey. 

And who was now sitting at Hayden’s dining room table laughing and joking with Shane and Jackie. He was charming Jackie. He was practically defiling Hayden’s wife in front of Hayden. He said something Hayden couldn't hear over the Kill Bill sirens blaring in his mind, and Jackie giggled.

This was hell.

Hayden had fallen asleep and somehow woken up in his own personal hell.

At least he’d had the foresight to suggest they send the kids over to Hayden’s parents for a sleepover because Hayden had been at least ten percent convinced the night would end with him either burying Rozanov’s body in the back yard, or both of them being taken away in handcuffs by the police, and he didn't think the kids being witnesses to either of those things were really what the child psychologists were recommending to raise healthy, well-adjusted adults.

The percentage had risen to at least twenty within the first five minutes of Rozanov stepping foot into his house, so he had definitely made the right choice there at least.

It had started when Shane and Rozanov had arrived to the house. Together. Which was fine. They were a couple, apparently, so of course they would arrive in the same car. Of course they had met up beforehand, and of course they would go back to Shane’s apartment together after dinner.

It was fine.

Hayden was so completely, unbelievably fine with all of this.

He had waited at the front door to meet them, and definitely hadn’t wanted to kill himself and the two of them as he watched Rozanov smack Shane’s ass when they got out of the car. Nope, he just decided to erase that from his memory, and had given Shane his usual bro-hug like normal. Shane had been holding a bottle of wine, and headed straight into the kitchen, presumably to give it to Jackie. Hayden had made to follow him, but Rozanov had stopped him.

“You don’t like me,” he had said bluntly. Hayden had spluttered out a (very) weak protest, too Canadian to actually agree even though he very much did, but Rozanov had ignored him. “Is fine, I don't like you either. But for some reason, you are important to Shane, and he wants us to get along. So for this dinner, I will be polite to you, and you will be polite to me, and we will not upset Shane, okay?”

“Oh, fuck off,” Hayden had said reflexively. Seriously, who the fuck did Rozanov think he was, coming into Hayden’s home and ordering him to be polite like Hayden was his child. Hayden was not a child, and Hayden was not going to be bossed around by Ilya fucking Rozanov in his own home.

“Yes, get it out of your system now, then say please and thank you in front of Shane like nice Canadian boy, good idea,” Rozanov said, sounding bored.

“Fuck you,” Hayden spat, wishing he could come up with something worse. He had promised Jackie he would make an effort, but Rozanov was fucking unbelievable.

“Mm, no thank you, you are not really my type,” he said and Hayden felt himself actually vibrate with rage.

“You’re not my fucking type either, don’t flatter yourself,” he hissed.

“Unlikely,” Rozanov said, “I am very attractive”

Hayden resisted the urge to jump him. He should have been given the fucking Nobel Peace Prize for not jumping him. He wanted to knock that smug look right off Rozanov’s face, send him straight to a fucking hospital, knock out the last of few real teeth he still had.

“I’m not even fucking gay,” he hissed instead.

“Neither am I,” said Rozanov, “But here we are.”

Hayden goggled at him, momentarily lost for words and Rozanov smirked back.

“So, we are in agreement?” he asked. “We will have truce for dinner and then go back to hating each other in peace when Shane is not around.”

Hayden scoffed. “I’m not the problem here, dude. Like you can fucking control yourself for the whole dinner. I’ll be amazed if you manage to pick up your fucking fork before starting some crazy dickhead shit.”

“Don’t worry about me,” Rozanov said, the smirk growing wider. “Shane has given me a very good - incentive - to behave.”

Hayden barely stopped himself from screeching in horror. He did not need to know. He did not want to know. He wanted to bleach his brain and maybe chop his ears off, and really, while he was at it, go back in time and tell Eisenhower just to drop the fucking nukes and wipe Russia off the map, it would all be worth it just to stop this conversation from ever happening.

Instead, he pushed past Rozanov and let the other man follow him into the dining room. 

Maybe things would be easier over dinner.

Things were not easier over dinner.

Rozanov continued to be Rozanov, and Hayden continued fuming in silence. It was infuriating, seeing how easily he charmed Jackie and Shane. They were both laughing and talking with him like he was just some guy and not…. Not Ilya Rozanov. Look, Hayden wasn't a prude, he didn't really care what people got up to in their free time, and he knew he was a bit of an outlier in the NHL for not really sleeping around - plenty of guys got married young, sure, but not all of them stayed faithful, and some of the wilder guys definitely thought he was a some sort of religious nut - but Hayden didn't care. Live and let live and all that. He was happy with Jackie, he wasn't going to risk messing that up, and what the other guys did was none of his business.

But that didn't mean he'd want any of them dating his best friend.

And okay, maybe Rozanov hadn’t exactly cheated, but come on, his reputation was fucking crazy, even for NHL standards, which were already pretty fucking crazy.

Hayden put his wineglass down harder than he'd meant to. He’d been drinking pretty steadily throughout this whole dinner in an effort to get through it - whenever he felt the urge to take a shot at Rozanov, he took a swig from his glass of wine instead. He’d had a lot of wine.  

So maybe that was why, when the dessert plates were cleared away, and dinner was almost over, and the end was nearly in sight, and no one had killed anyone or even gotten into a minor brawl, instead of letting the evening end peacefully, Hayden heard himself saying, “I really don’t get it.”

He had been pretty quiet all night, not trusting himself to not trade barbs with Rozanov, so that stopped the conversation that had been going on between Jackie and Rozanov short. They had been discussing Love Island. Love Island. Rozanov did not watch fucking Love Island. He probably got updates on it from the horde of girls he used to fuck around with, used to being the key words there, because Hayden really was not convinced Rozanov’s playboy days were as far behind him as Shane liked to think.

“You don’t get what?”

It was Shane, not Rozanov, who was speaking, and the room felt weirdly small all of a sudden. Shane looked… dangerous. It was unsettling. It wasn't like Hayden had never seen that particular expression on him before, it was just that that look was usually directed to the opposing team. The enemy. Hayden had never seen it directed at him before, and it was kind of intimidating.

Aware that he was maybe making a mistake here but unable to stop himself, Hayden waved a hand at Rozanov. “This. I don't get all of this. You two together. You know he's not even actually gay, right? He literally told me so himself two hours ago.”

He heard Jackie saying, “Hayden!” sharply, but he pressed on. “He’s slept with more women than the rest of the league put together and now he's, what, pretending to be gay all of a sudden? Shane, come on, you know it doesn't make any sense.”

“Okay, fuck you, Hayden-,” Shane started, but he was interrupted by Rozanov.

“Pike is right,” he said lazily, “I am not gay and I have slept with many beautiful women.”

“See!” Hayden yelled. “He’s fucking admitting it! He isn’t gay, he’s not even trying to hide it!”

“Yeah, because he’s fucking bisexual!” Shane exclaimed.

There was a long beat of silence. Jackie put her face in her hands and audibly groaned. Hayden made intense eye contact with the wall.

“Bisexual means attracted to both genders,” Rozanov said, unhelpfully.

“I fucking know what bisexual means.”

“Are you sure? It didn’t seem like that a minute ago.”

Hayden needed a break. He needed some air. He needed to not be at the table with Ilya Rozanov, who he probably needed to apologise to, but who was still the biggest asshole on the planet. He suddenly wished he smoked so he’d have a reason to go outside. Why the fuck had teenage him cared so much about hockey? Maybe all of his problems could have been avoided if he’d just lit up like a normal kid and avoided the world of professional hockey altogether.

“I’m just.. I’m going to make a start on the washing up,” was what he came up with. As he made a beeline for the kitchen, he heard Rozanov whisper loudly, “Is he going in there to look up definition of bisexuality?”

So. The second dinner had also been a failure, but Hayden had a plan. He was going to make sure Shane knew he supported him and his bisexual boyfriend one hundred percent. He had even bought a book! He was reading a book about the queer community to learn how to be a better ally so fuck you Rozanov. He was going to be the best ally anyone had ever seen. He was going to ally so hard they’d add the letter H to the acronym. LGBTQIA+H for Hayden Pike, world’s greatest ally who does obviously fucking know what bisexuality means, fuck you Rozanov. He was going to learn more about the bisexual community than even Rozanov himself knew, and then the next time they had dinner he would drop in all of the new bisexual facts he had learned from the book and crush Rozanov with the power of his bisexual allyship.

The first step in his plan to humiliate Rozanov  be the best ally the world had ever seen was to be more vocal in his support for the bisexual community. The book had said allies couldn’t just support from the sidelines, they had to take an active role in enacting social change. Hayden was going to enact social change harder and more actively than anyone had ever seen before. 

It took him a while to come up with the perfect method, but finally he figured it out. The Voyageurs were playing the New Jersey Cherubs on Friday, and he, Hayden Pike, was going to demonstrate his support for the bisexual community by taping his stick in the colors of the bisexual flag. It wasn’t even Pride Night! He hoped Rozanov would notice and be suitably impressed. 

Hayden didn’t mind doing the post-game interviews, exactly, but he was always relieved when they were over. He always felt like he was sweating a bunch, and then he’d think about how weird and shiny he probably looked on camera, and then he’d forget to listen to the questions the reporters were directing at him, and suddenly he’d be sitting there with a crowd of people looking up at him expecting him to have an answer to a question he definitely should have heard but had completely missed because he was busy thinking about whether his face always sweated that much or if he had, like, an actual disease. 

It was better when he got to do interviews with Shane. Being interviewed with Shane was great because the Voyageurs socials team loved him. They knew he would respond to every question asked with a perfect, media-approved statement, which meant they made sure that Shane usually got hit with most of the questions and Hayden just had to sit there and nod occasionally, and the fans would think he knew exactly what was going on and was in full control of the situation. It was his preferred method of getting through interviews.

The post-game interview after the New Jersey game was a little bit different, which he had expected. He got to do it with Shane, which was great, but a lot more reporters directed their questions at Hayden than usual, which was not great, but this was what he had signed up for. This was being an ally. This was being a vocal enactor of social change, or whatever it was the book said he needed to be. He was pretty proud of how he’d done, actually. The reporters asked about the pride tape, and he had - calmly and confidently - stated his support for the bisexual community. That had gone down pretty well, and the reporters had lapped it up, asking him more questions about being bisexual, which he was able to answer thanks to his research - shout out to his gay book - until eventually the Voyageurs PR handler had called time on the interview and ushered him and Shane out of the media room

Being an ally was fucking easy. 

Shane had been pretty quiet as they left the rink, though, so maybe he was more uncomfortable with the press than he showed. Hayden decided to try and cheer him up a little bit. Things had been strained between them for a few days after the dinner disaster, but they were slowly getting back on track. Hayden had even swallowed his pride and asked Shane for Rozanov’s number so he could send him an apology text, to which Rozanov had responded lol u are so fucking canadian. He was choosing to interpret that as apology accepted, don't be weird. Hayden was not going to be weird. He was going to be extremely fucking normal and accepting of Shane, and Shane’s relationship, and even Ilya fucking Rozanov himself, because, as Jackie had pointed out, Shane was his best friend and he could put up with Ilya fucking Rozanov for the sake of not losing Shane.

“Phew, I'm glad that's over,” he said, turning to Shane. “I swear, those things drive me fucking nuts. What even is there to say, we played better than them, we scored more goals, obviously we won.” Well, Shane had scored more goals, but it was a team sport! And Hayden had gotten an assist on one of them, so they were both doing pretty well. The reporters had seemed more interested in Hayden’s bisexual tape than his assist though, which he wasn't sure what to think about. He’d spent most of the interview talking about his support for the bisexual community, which hadn't exactly been part of his plan, but he was okay with it because of how much of an ally he was. Maybe he could be like a hockey spokesperson for bisexuals. All of his interviews could just be about bisexuality, he didn't care. Hayden was cool like that.

Shane was looking at him like he’d grown an extra head. Was Shane somehow biphobic? Sure, Hayden’s phrasing could probably have used a little more planning out, but he couldn’t see why Shane of all people would suddenly have a problem with Hayden supporting the bisexual community. Didn’t fucking a bi guy sort of automatically make you a bi ally? Or was that homophobic to assume all queer people just had an inbuilt allyship with each other?

Fuck, he really should have done more research on this. He was only halfway through the book. 

“Uh, did you mean to say that?” Shane asked, sounding way more confused than he had any right to be. 

Now Hayden was the one looking at Shane like he had three heads. 

“Uh, yeah? Of course?” He didn’t really understand why Shane was being so weird. Did Shane actually have a problem with Hayden being an ally? Why would he not have meant to say that he supported bisexuals? Was it even possible to say that accidentally? That was like a super specific string of words. 

“You’re bisexual,” Shane said slowly. It sounded like a question but Hayden felt like he’d missed several steps of this conversation. 

“No, why would I be bisexual? I have a wife, remember?”

Shane stared at him, visibly processing something, and Hayden realised his mistake. 

“Not that bisexuals can’t have wives! They can have wives, husbands, girlfriends, boyfriends, theyfriends, whatever they want!”

“Theyfriends,” Shane repeated, looking like he’d completely lost track of the conversation. Hayden could relate. He hoped Shane wasn’t biphobic, but he was ready and willing to explain the concept of bisexuality to him if he needed to. He’d been practicing for this shit! He hadn’t expected Shane to need the lesson, but he figured even gay people could be homophobic probably. Maybe Rozanov had just assumed Shane knew what bisexuality was and never bothered to tell him. Fuck that guy. Or no, wait, fuck that guy in a friendly, ally-ful way.

“Yeah, because bisexual people are real, and their sexuality is valid even if they’re dating a chick, a dude, or anything else.”

He hoped Shane wouldn’t need him to expand on the anything else part because he hadn’t gotten to that chapter in the book yet. 

“I - okay, that’s - I mean, I know what bisexuality is - but - look, that’s not really - wait, do you really think I don’t know what bisexuality is?”

From the way Shane was looking at him, Hayden figured the correct answer was definitely not the truth. 

“Of course I know that you know what bisexuality is!” Hayden said, lying. 

“My boyfriend is literally bisexual,” Shane said, in the same tone of voice he used to tell Amber to stop eating crayons. “I told you that my boyfriend is bisexual. How would I have done that if I didn't know what bisexuality is?”

That was a good point.

“Exactly!” Hayden said, clapping his hands together. “We both know what bisexuality is and we both know that we know that.” He was getting kind of confused himself here, and he still wasn’t sure why Shane was acting so weird, but Shane could be a pretty weird guy sometimes and it felt like this was a good time to move the conversation on. Plus he was actually pretty tired from the game, and he was ready to go back to the hotel. 

“Well, if that’s all sorted out and neither of us are bisexual or biphobic, I think I’m ready to head out. Are you going to call your boy?”

He was proud of himself for how casually he said your boy like Shane’s boyfriend wasn’t currently hanging out in seventh circle of hell drinking tea with Satan’s minions. He hoped Shane noticed and appreciated the effort he was putting in. 

“So you’re not? Bisexual, I mean,” Shane said, clearly not noticing or appreciating any of the effort he was putting in. 

Why was he so stuck on this? Did he want Hayden to be bisexual? Should Hayden be bisexual? Was that the final step of allyship?

He wasn’t bisexual though, unfortunately, so he just said, “Nope! One hundred percent for the ladies! I’ve been working on my allyship, though.” Allyship was a good word. He had gotten that from the book. 

“Okay,” Shane said carefully. “I mean, that’s what I thought, but why did you tell that reporter you’re bi, then?” 

Hayden’s brain slammed to a stop. He could practically hear the record scratch freeze frame noise reverberating through his skull. 

“Uh,” he said, kind of lost for words. “I didn’t?”

“You definitely did.”

“No, I definitely didn’t. Why would I tell a reporter I’m bi? I’m not bi, I’m straight!”

“That’s why I was confused? Why would you tell a reporter you’re bi when you’re obviously not?”

Shane was clearly losing it. Hayden definitely, one hundred percent had not told any reporters he was bisexual because that would be an insane thing to do and he would remember it. 

“Look, Shane, buddy, maybe you need to get your hearing checked or something, I don’t know, but I absolutely did not tell anyone I’m bi. I think I would have noticed if I came out in the middle of a fucking press conference.”

Shane did not look convinced. “I was sitting right beside you and it really sounded like you were coming out as bi,” he said. 

This conversation was clearly going nowhere and it was melting Hayden’s head a little bit, so he just shrugged and said, “I mean, I came out as an ally to the bisexual community, I guess? Definitely not bi, though, maybe you just misheard me? Those things can get pretty noisy.”

Shane still didn’t look convinced, but he let it go, thankfully. 

Hayden passed out pretty much as soon as they got back to the hotel - he and Shane were the same age, pretty much, but sometimes he felt twenty years older as he watched Shane skip off to phone Rozanov for freaky phone sex like they hadn't just spent the last two hours killing themselves on the ice. Whatever, it meant he had the hotel room to himself, even though it was kind of wasted on him because all he really wanted to do was take a nap.

He was woken up by a weirdly persistent irritating buzzing noise he finally tracked down to his phone, which had somehow ended up in the bathroom sink. He moved to put his phone on silent mode and then stopped. Hayden hadn’t looked at his phone since before the game, and now, judging by the amount of notifications lighting up his screen, he had possibly been named prime minister of Canada or maybe accidentally joined the Scientologist’s mailing list. His phone was blowing up with messages from Jackie, from the team group chat, from his agent, from his mother, and even a text from Rozanov that was just a string of laughing emojis. 

What the fuck?

He opened Jackie’s message.

 Jackie 😍🥵: lol do you have something you want to tell me babe?

Me: ?????

Jackie 😍🥵: Attached: a clip of the post-game New Jersey interview

Jackie 😍🥵:  I think you accidentally told that reporter you’re bisexual 😂

Jackie 😍🥵: good job being an ally baby 😂

Me: ?????????????????

Jackie 😍🥵: Seriously, though, you should probably fix this 😂😂

First Shane, now Jackie? Was everyone around him losing their minds? Was he doing such a good job of being an ally he had accidentally convinced the whole world he was bisexual? Had Rozanov caught onto his brilliant plan and was now orchestrating some sort of psy-op against him to scare Hayden off? Or had he actually somehow come out as bisexual? There was no way, he knew he wasn't always the sharpest knife in the drawer, but that would be dumb on a whole other level. No one accidentally came out of a closet that didn't even exist.

He watched the clip.

Okay, there was absolutely no way Hayden had said that. 

He did, vaguely, have a blurry memory of saying something like that to the reporter but he definitely had not said those words in that order. He refused to believe it.

He pressed play on the clip again.

His words did not rearrange themselves into something that made sense. 

He had actually somehow managed to tell the room full of reporters - and by extension, the entire hockey world - that he was bisexual. 

Fuck. 

Did that make him a better or worse ally?

Whatever, that wasn’t the most important thing right now. Jackie was right, he needed to fix this. Realising he was way out of his depth here, Hayden decided to call in reinforcements- the Voyageurs social media and public relations teams. They had probably already been trying to get in touch with him, they would know how to fix this.

Hayden looked over the statement the socials team had sent him again. It wasn’t bad, exactly, it sounded smart and it managed to get the point across that he, although an ally, was not actually part of the LGBT community, but he felt like it was a little… cold. His plan for being the world’s best bisexual ally had gone slightly off the rails - okay, it was a huge fucking clusterfuck - but! It wasn’t over yet. He could still save the situation and make sure the world knew he was the best ally the bisexual community could ask for. He made a few tiny adjustments to the statement so that it reflected his values a little bit better and hit post. 

Hayden Pike Hockey☑️ @haydenpikemontrealvoyageurs
I want to deeply apologize for misspeaking this weekend. At a press conference in New Jersey, when I was talking to a reporter I said that I was ‘all three’ things: a hockey player, a father and a bisexual. My clumsy intention was to show my support for the bisexual community, who face many challenges from people who might not understand what bisexuality is (unlike me #ally). However, I badly fumbled that and understand that was seen as me coming out as bisexual.

Hayden Pike Hockey☑️ @haydenpikemontrealvoyageurs
Replying to @haydenpikemontrealvoyageurs
This was not my intention so I need to correct the record: I am not bisexual. I happen to be straight  (💔), but I am also a fierce ally to all bisexuals, (as well as all the other letters of the alphabet 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️), and the last thing I want to do is falsely co-opt the struggles of the bisexual community, who go through so much pain already😔. I believe and fully support that we need to sanctify the human right to express our identities honestly and to be free to love whomever we choose openly.

Hayden Pike Hockey☑️ @haydenpikemontrealvoyageurs
Replying to @haydenpikemontrealvoyageurs
I am deeply sorry for the clumsiness of my language. I want to be a better ally to the bisexual community, and I feel sick to my stomach that I might have done anything to make things worse for this brave bisexual group of people who already face so much hardship and erasure (💔). I’m trying to learn, trying to do better and I will keep listening to my bisexual friends, allies, and enemies 🙏🙏 #listeningandlearning #bisexualpride #stopbisexualerasure #endbiphobia2k19 🩷💜💙✊🏒👨‍❤️‍👨👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍👨

ayana🕺 @montrealwifey
Replying to @haydenpikemontrealvoyageurs
bro what the fuck is hockey even about

janie @shaydenconfirmed
Replying to @haydenpikemontrealvoyageurs
DID HE JUST COME OUT AS BISEXUAL????????!!!>???>@@!!

eliza! @haydenpikestenthchild
Replying to @shaydenconfirmed
…are you actually for real

cens and censibility @ottawagirly
hayden pike first ever person to come out as straight,,, #okay then

tanner dillon ur on thin ice  @unfortunatelyacensfan
Replying to @ottawagirly
not him spreading bisexual erasure by coming out as bi then immediately walking it back #fake ally

cens and censibility @ottawagirly
Replying to @unfortunatelyacensfan
lmfao the way i actually got scared i was going to have to defend hayden pike until i saw it was u oomf 😭 i fear we’re gonna have to start using tone tags cuz there is no way ppl r going to be normal about this #listeningandlearning ✊

tanner dillon ur on thin ice @unfortunatelyacensfan
Replying to @ottawagirly
no literally 😭 ppl are already AGREEING WITH ME in the quotes 😭😭 like bro i was JOKING i dont actually think calling urself a bi ally 346579 times makes u biphobic #stopbisexualerasure ✊

chloe is now a cens fan @icecreamnothockey
“I believe and fully support that we need to sanctify the human right to express our identities honestly and to be free to love whomever we choose openly.” 😭😭😭😭 hayden pike DID NOT say all that who wrote this 😭😭🙏🙏🙏💔💔

marco 🩷💜💙|STREAM OLD TOWN ROAD @marcothethroatgoat
Replying to @icecreamnothockey
can someone tell the voyageurs i’ll accept pikes apology on behalf of the entire bisexual community if he reads the full statement out loud live on air without stuttering #bisexualpride #endbiphobia2k19 ✊

LARA|MONTREAL STAN BOSTON FANS DNI @shanehollandersbush
i can accept hayden pike isnt bisexual but i feel like straight is pushing it… we all know hes a lil #shanecurious if nothing else

shane hollander’s wife @voyageursforlife
Replying to @shanehollandersbush
no literally like he can say he’s straight all he wants but we've all seen the way he looks at shane hollander

marco 🩷💜💙|STREAM OLD TOWN ROAD @marcothethroatgoat
Replying to @voyageursforlife
please he wants hollander to crack his back like a fucking glowstick 💀 

eliza! @haydenpikestenthchild
Replying to @marcothethroatgoat
yeah im not even a shipper but like,,,,, those big bottom eyes he gives hollander whenever theyre in the same room???? control it babes 😭

ELLA enchanted @shanehollandersthong
Replying to @haydenpikestenthchild
lmaoo when they do press conferences together and pike goes all submissive and just lets shane take the lead… if i said thats what theyre like in bed would yall jump me 🥹

shane hollander’s wife @voyageursforlife
Replying to @shanehollandersthong
this is so real stop 😭 man i just know shane is #strict in the sheets 😭

Alex|back on my bullshit @makinghockeygayagain
Replying to @shanehollandersbush
service top hella dominant knows exactly what the fuck hes doing with you,,, call me hayden pike the way id let shane hollander rearrange my guts

AIMEE @bisexualroztruther
….okay then

AIMEE @bisexualroztruther
Replying to @bisexualroztruther
ykw a win is a win shout out to hayden pike for being bisexual ally of the year and ending biphobia in the nhl #endbiphobia2k19 ✊

AIMEE @bisexualroztruther
Replying to @bisexualroztruther
roz i hope ur out there #listeningandlearning… keep ur head up king dont let hayden pike steal your bisexual valor 🩷💜💙✊🏒👨‍❤️‍👨👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍👨

tanner dillon ur on thin ice @unfortunatelyacensfan
wait reading that statement again and who tf is hayden pike’s bisexual enemy?????? 

ayana🕺 @montrealwifey
Replying to @unfortunatelyacensfan
i’m ctfu why does pike have bisexual enemies 😭😭😭 what is going on in the nhl bro

chloe is now a cens fan @icecreamnothockey
Replying to @unfortunatelyacensfan
lmao maybe that’s why he said the word bisexual 10000000 times in his coming out as straight post 😭didnt want to risk pissing off his bisexual enemy 😭💀

AIMEE @bisexualroztruther
Replying to @unfortunatelyacensfan
… 👀i have a theory

Alex|back on my bullshit @makinghockeygayagain
not that im not grateful for more vocal queer allies in the nhl but like on a serious note,,, what the fuck? why is pike randomly obsessed with bisexuals??

Ashley @shanehollanderlover
Replying to @makinghockeygayagain
“all the other letters of the alphabet” 😭😭 I’m actually not sure what to make of this?? I mean slay? I guess? #stopbisexualerasure # (💔)

rozanov’s cigarette smoke @jointherozter
Replying to @makinghockeygayagain
did he just find out what bisexuality is or smth?? #endbiphobia2k19 ✊

sol @scotthunterdefender
anyone else find it a little problematic that pike is so desperate to reassert his heterosexuality? like we get it, you're straight, we don't really need this whole ass essay to prove it

adrian in the big apple @huntersbanana
Replying to @scotthunterdefender
no literally like i didnt want to be the one to say it but why are u so quick to take it back yk? it just looks like hes grossed out by the idea that people might think hes queer :/

rozanov’s cigarette smoke @jointherozter
Replying to @huntersbanana
do u guys ever get tired

eliza! @haydenpikestenthchild
Replying to @huntersbanana
or maybe he just doesn't want to be seen as a queer player if he's not actually a queer player???

JESS|NYC @jesstakesnewyork
Replying to @haydenpikestenthchild
Exactly 😭 I don’t really use social media that much but what could people possibly be upset about? Surely it would be worse if he was going around pretending to be bisexual for literally no reason??

eliza! @haydenpikestenthchild
Replying to @jesstakesnewyork
oh you would not believe what people on twitter can get upset about 💀

janie @shaydenconfirmed
hayden pike out as bisexual,,,, oh j*ckie p*ke ur time is running out sweetie,,, shane get ready for ur man, hes coming to uuuu 

GIRL IN THE CREASE @justhereforhockey
Replying to @shaydenconfirmed
how the actual fuck did you get that from the post where he clearly states that he is not bisexual multiple times

janie @shaydenconfirmed
Replying to @justhereforhockey
if u actually pay attention to the post and read between the lines its pretty obvious hes coming out as bi and planning on ending the fake relationship with j*ckie to be with his actual husband shane hollander

GIRL IN THE CREASE @justhereforhockey
Replying to @shaydenconfirmed
are you posting from a different dimension?? are we talking about the same thing here???

janie @shaydenconfirmed
Replying to @justhereforhockey
lol this is why i usually don’t bother with shayden antis… the evidence is literally so overwhelming but yall are just wilfully blind at this point

GIRL IN THE CREASE @justhereforhockey
Replying to @shaydenconfirmed
the evidence of what????? hayden pike literally just said that he’s straight plus he’s been married to jackie for like ten years and they have four kids together??

janie @shaydenconfirmed
Replying to @justhereforhockey
first of all the ‘kids’ have literally been proven to be paid actors/reborn dolls and secondly ‘jackie pike’ is clearly a beard the NHL forced hayden to have a fake wedding with so the general public wouldnt find that he and shane actually got married to each other in their rookie year and have been in love since they were teenagers <3 its all pretty obvious once you actually start paying attention, they’re really not subtle about it lmao u can tell they’re trying so hard to hide it but anyone with eyes can see how in love they are,, the way they look at each other omg <33 literal heart eyes 😍😍plus they literally share rooms when theyre on the road together… im so excited for them to finally be able to share their love with the world, theyve been waiting for so long <33

GIRL IN THE CREASE @justhereforhockey
Replying to @shaydenconfirmed
yeah so im gonna need u to walk directly to the closest therapist to u and just show them this thread because im actually concerned for u girl

ELLA enchanted @shanehollandersthong
gayden pike trying to escape the homo allegations,,, idk what u are but we’ve all seen the way u look at shane hollander,,,,

caoilfhionn ✨@hollanderbackgirl
Replying to @shanehollandersthong
tfw u realise ur moots with a shayden shipper 😃🔫

ELLA enchanted @shanehollandersthong
Replying to @hollanderbackgirl
nooo i’m not a shayden cuz i don’t think they’re actually together and shane hollander is def straight but im 1000% convinced hayden pike wants that cookie anyway

caoilfhionn ✨@hollanderbackgirl
Replying to @shanehollandersthong
ykw that’s fair actually

hollanov is real!! @shilyasdaughter
i can’t prove it but ik this has something to do with hollanov… walk with me 🙏 

angel baby @ilyilyarozanov
Replying to @shilyasdaughter
im walking but i fear we’re going straight over a cliff edge girl

angel baby @ilyilyarozanov
Replying to @shilyasdaughter
#listeningandlearning #bisexualpride #stopbisexualerasure #endbiphobia2k19 🩷💜💙✊🏒👨‍❤️‍👨👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍👨

beckett|BOSTON BEARS!! @ilyascumsock
i’m so confused about pike’s statement 😭 i feel like most of it is so obviously written by the voyageurs socials team and then??? there’s the random bisexual lovefest going on that i KNOW they didn’t include?? so like did he just choose to add that in himself?? and if so WHY 😭

Ottawa Ava|X-SQUAD III OUT NOW @roselandrylover
Replying to @ilyascumsock
hockey players actually need to be studied istg what tf is up with them 💀

rozanov’s cigarette smoke @jointherozter
Replying to @roselandrylover
girl they have its the cte # (💔)