Chapter Text
He didn’t remember walking in there. One second he was standing, the next he was on the cold tile floor, trying to breathe through something that felt bigger than him– the soft sounds of traffic in the distance ringing in Izuku’s ears. It was like his arm had a heartbeat of its own– his hand shaking as his fingers linger on the scarred skin.
His thoughts wouldn’t slow down. They never did when it got like this.
‘You’re useless.’
Boy, did he know it.
He slid down against the wall, pressing his head back as if that alone could quiet everything. It didn’t. It never did.
There were a hundred things he could do instead. He knew that too.
But knowing didn’t make it easier.
“Take a swan dive off a roof.”
The words replayed, sharper than they should’ve been.
Bakugo.
Izuku let out a weak breath, something close to a laugh but not quite. Maybe it was pathetic, but he couldn’t help it. He loved him. He always had.
And for a while… it almost felt like that love wasn’t one-sided.
Even now, there were small things. The way Bakugo still lets him say “Kacchan.” The way no one else got to. The rare glances that felt softer than they should.
Izuku held onto those moments like they meant everything.
Maybe they did.
Or maybe he just needed them to, he wasn’t exactly sure yet.
People would probably think it was messed up.
Why love someone who hurts you? What a twisted obsession.
One that Izuku liked to call hope.
It showed up in the smallest ways. A look. A pause. An insult that didn’t hit as hard as usual. Little cracks in something that always felt so solid.
He noticed all of it, saving each moment in the back of his mind– because Kacchan was just… confusing like that. One minute he’d be yelling “DIE!”, and the next he’d act like nothing happened. Like it didn’t matter.
Izuku didn’t understand it.
But somehow, he cared about both sides anyway.
–
Today was different, though.
Today went too far.
Even Kacchan seemed to realize it, if the way he kept looking over afterward meant anything. He didn’t seem angry in the aftermath– nor did he brush Izuku off. He watched. Like he was waiting for something.
For Izuku to snap. To yell back. To finally push.
Maybe that’s what he wanted, Izuku wasn’t sure. He couldn’t exactly bring himself to do it, either.
All he knew was that he hadn’t done anything to deserve it.
Not really.
Kacchan had always been harsh, especially with him. That part wasn’t new. What was new… was Izuku talking back– the way he’d voice his thoughts in hesitance, but it was still something. Well, something enough to make Kacchan snap.
Izuku closed his eyes, exhaling slowly.
Kacchan was strong. Everyone knew that. But he was also… fragile, in ways people didn’t notice. He didn’t like being challenged. Didn't like feeling small. So he made other people feel smaller first.
Even Izuku.
The worst part was that Izuku couldn’t… let go. Every glance was cherished, every shrug was progress.
And if Kacchan ever showed even the smallest hint of regret…
Izuku knew exactly what would happen– he’d forgive him instantly. Hell, he forgives him now. Now, as he slides the blade against his skin repeatedly. Now, as his vision grows static.