Archive of Our Own

She has come back. That's Kris’ first thought when they look through the glass after noticing the annoying sounds of pebbles being thrown against their window.

She has come back for me.

What a silly thought. As if she had abandoned them in the first place. As if she might not be real and Kris is just imagining her due to sleep deprivation mixed with deep yearning.

This is not a mirage, though, as she's standing there, looking very real and very wet, under the pouring rain, all determined to keep throwing rocks until she gets Kris's attention.

It's worked, obviously because right now they are there, staring at her, basically paralyzed.

Her face says it all, honestly — her reptile-like eyes twinkle with hope, and her mouth is curved with a hint of mischief and complicity typical of her. There's not an ounce of pity behind that smile, and only a hint of slight worry in the way her brows arch can be traced.That makes Kris feel a pang of guilt.

They are surprised, to say the least. Not because this is something Susie would never do — okay, yes, perhaps the Susie from four days ago would have left them to rot there without hesitation. But not her, not this Susie, who has declared war to their destiny and has set herself as the prophecy’s main antagonist and opposing force. Susie, with her kind words, and her uplifting energy and her ever so inspiring hope. Of course they are not surprised she would pull something like this for anyone. Never their Susie — their Susie? Is that an okay thought to have? Kris can't be bothered to think about the implications of calling Susie theirs right now.

But no, they are surprised that someone cares about them.

Because, let's face it. Their mom very clearly doesn't care about them. She seems like she does, she promises she loves them. But she would rather spend the night getting wasted with some asshole. The sad thing is that she's always like this, isn't it? It's not the first time it's happened and it definitely won't be the last. It doesn't matter if they are hurting, she refuses to acknowledge their child's pain and chooses to pretend everything is okay. At least that jerk is out of the house now and Kris doesn't have to choke on their pillow trying to get rid of that awful music that drowned the whole house.

Then there's their dad, who’s a mess, too occupied with proving a point that he's quickly losing both Kris's trust and himself in the process. It's not enough that he says he loves them. It's not enough just casually seeing each other around town. It pains Kris to say it but he's not enough and they both know it.

Asriel, of course, ran away to college once their parents' relationship finally shattered. At first Kris couldn't bring themselves to hate their brother. They understood, they said to him. But now the only thing that Kris can think of when they hear their brother’s name is God, he's such a traitor, leaving me behind and escaping this shit hole. Why did you abandon me? They miss him so much it hurts.They hate him. They can't wait for him to get back.

Speaking of traitors — Ralsei will stop caring too, once they finally backstab him like the scum they are. Sometimes Kris wonders if he suspects something. If he'll anticipate the swing of the sword of Damocles — or rather the sword of Kris  — and has accepted his destiny. For the Angel’s sake, he might be even waiting for it! With Ralsei the Liar you never know; but then again, Kris has no right to blame him for keeping secrets when they themselves are constantly spinning a web of lies. What does that matter anyway, when the way they usually interact is oh so superficial and shallow?

And of course, good ol’ Noelle. Something to note is that Kris was the one to pull away first, to give her the silent treatment until she got the memo, so it makes sense for her to not give half a shit about them. That's just something they are okay with. They've accepted that and they've made peace with it. The thing is that now Noelle wants to be with Susie at all costs. And it fills them with jealousy to watch their ex best friend and new best friend being so close. They shouldn’t be mad at her, they don't have that right, but sometimes it feels like Noelle sees right through them.

Susie though? She's here, soaking wet, bearing her teeth in half a smile, looking at them funny. Her untamed bangs stick to the sides of her face, and her hands hold her hips as her back slouches.

Kris’ heart does something strange. They don't know if that sensation feels nice or not. That's food for thought for another moment.

“Aren’t you gonna say anything, weirdo?” she asks, half annoyed, half amused. Her voice is loud enough for them to hear, but not too much so that their mom would catch them. Although she's most probably passed out on the couch or something, so what's even the point in being sneaky? “I've been trying to get your attention for the last five minutes! And now you're just staring at me?"

Of course, who would Kris Dreemurr be without their unsettling stares?

They think about what they want to say. Now that that thing is not controlling them, since they locked it inside the birdcage not so long ago, they are grateful for the chance to say whatever they want. Damn, free will feels great. Why don't they do this more often?

Oh, right! The prophecy.

Kris decided to settle for a simple what are you doing here?

"What are you doing here?”

That seems to catch her off guard. Her mouth forms a thin line and she just shrugs.

"Well, I wanted to hang out with you.”

“Why?" they say as they awkwardly lean on the window frame. “It's late." A quarter to three, to be exact.

That's a really good question, since Susie had run away from their house not once, but twice because of the Drunk Mom fiasco. Although to be fair the second time she had come to tell that dumb skeleton to pack it up and go to hell (not exactly her words but whatever).

She sighs, and Kris watches a small cloud of steam leave her mouth. Is it that cold outside?

“Shit, Kris, do I need an excuse to be with you?” She doesn't look at them, perhaps in annoyance, perhaps in embarrassment.

They shrug. It's not that easy.

“Dude, I don't know,” she sighs. “After everything that happened today I couldn't just sleep it away, man. I'm too stressed to fall asleep and I can't just forget what we saw,” she explains, Kris notices the cadence of anxiety in her voice. Now they are the one worried about her, but then they see her smile again, “I don't know. I… I  thought that maybe you felt the same way.”

Oh, so apparently she can read them like a book. Cool.

“Or maybe it's because I'm doing you a favor by letting you rejoice in my presence.”

Kris chuckles. “Of course,” they say.

A loud sneeze comes out of her snout and she shivers. “It’s kind of cold out here… Can I come in or not?”

She has come back for them. Not only that, but she has come back for shelter, company, support and the presence of another person that understands. Because of course Kris understands her. And of course she understands Kris. 

And Kris wants- no, needs to feel her next to them. To keep them company. They need to feel her by their side — even if it's selfish. Even if it's unfair for Susie, who does not know the whole truth of who Kris Dreemurr actually is. But right now, they need this, no matter how undeserving they are. They need her.

Maybe Kris does rejoice in her presence. Not that she needs to know that.

Before they can auto sabotage themselves, Kris nods. “Tree," they direct, “use that tree."

As Susie does as she's told and clumsily climbs the tree closest to their window, Kris can't help but relive those times where Dess Holiday sneaked in to meet their brother. Oh, those nights where she would just randomly show up and Azzy would lose his mind, freaking out about the possibility of their parents finding out… A girl sneaking into their room! How scandalous!

She'd never bring Noelle with her, which would upset Kris, and most of the time both of them would end up going outside to do “cool grown up stuff” with their other friends — which now that they think about it, and knowing how she used to be, probably meant pot — and wouldn't let Kris go with them. Then Kris would cry and they'd both have to bribe them so they wouldn't snitch.

The mental image of a 17 year-old Dess makes their stomach drop.

They snap back to reality when they hear the cracking of branches.

One foot after another, Susie manages to steady herself, slowly making her way through the longest branch, until Kris remembers. Their whole body tenses up.

The soul.

There's no time to get it in before Susie sees it. Oh god oh god oh god. She can't find out. She can't find out.

Their legs move as fast as humanly possible as they rush to frantically open the cage. Gripping the heart-shaped entity until their knuckles turn white, they sink the soul into their chest. A painful shiver runs down their spine as they try to catch their breath.

Here it comes, the unusual sensation of their ribcage tingling and static running down their core and through their fingertips.

They will never get used to it, they think. It's such an alien experience that for some reason should feel natural but doesn't. Kind of like putting the incorrect piece on the only gap of a jigsaw puzzle — does it fit? Yes. Is it the right piece? Absolutely not.

But hey, at least they don't have to worry about anyone finding out about this.

They stand as they wipe a bead of sweat from their forehead.

Crisis aborted. Good. There's nothing to worry about. She doesn't know. It's okay. Kris is okay. Now they just have to hope that it won't make them do anything weird. Does she even feel the difference? Have they ever talked without Kris being possessed? Would Susie like Kris without the—

“Um. Kris? Are you okay?” she laughs in that raspy voice of hers.

Kris’ whole body tenses up as they painfully turn around to find Susie, staring back at them with curious eyes, just a few inches apart.

"Mhm.” Always so eloquent. They nod their head as they try to stop their eyes from wandering to the bird cage. At last, they manage to mumble a trembling “yeah.” God they are this close to losing their shit. Does she know?

“Heh, okay!” And then she gives them the dumbest smile ever, and Kris’ soul would have immediately left their body if it was a regular soul and not a fucking parasite that sucked all the agency out of them. They can only hope they are not blushing.

They stare at her, paralyzed.

It is now that Kris realizes how incredibly tall Susie actually is, and that's coming from someone who used to live with three giant goat monsters for a family. The only reason Susie's slightly shorter than Noelle is because of those damn antlers. Kris has to tilt their head up in order to properly meet her eyes, and not even when Susie slouches they are at eye level. And her hands are twice as big and her breath is twice as deep. And they are so close, so close that their bodies are almost touching. Oh, she could just crush them if she wanted to — do they want to be crushed by her? Oh my god, what kind of thought is that?

This is making Kris nervous. This is making Kris nervous and they don't like that. God what is this stop it no please someone kill them what.

“... or something.” Kris’ mind tunes in mid-sentence. This is what happens when you start catching… something for your friend. You become a complete and irrevocable dumbass.

A muffled confused sound tells her that Kris wasn't listening.

"I asked if you could give me a towel or something."

She’s definitely way too patient with Kris, because she doesn't sound as exasperated as any other person in Kris' life would. “If you haven't noticed I'm pretty damn wet here,” she adds.

And it's true. Her hair is dripping, and her boots already made a dark poodle the size of a beach ball on the carpet.

Right.

Without saying another word, Kris' legs start moving on their own. The feeling of strings repeatedly pulling and releasing their limbs with such robotic movements feels mundane at this point.

They wonder where it will take them. The Angel knows how much that thing loves messing around and pointless exploring. They can only hope it won't make them do anything stupid, like bringing her a kitchen hand towel, or the shower curtain or—

Oh. They end up in the bathroom. With a big yellow towel on their hands. 

They blink. Maybe it's not that bad.

Then the Soul makes them flush the toilet. Then again. And again. And at this point their mom would wake up if they kept this up but Kris knows too damn well that she's fast asleep — and even if she wasn't she'd still think that Kris was just being their silly, quirky self.

Well, they have a towel now, so that's okay.

Before it can make them go back to their bedroom, they impulsively throw their phone into the bath tub so no unwanted calls can disrupt their hang out. It would be hilarious — not really — if Susie ended up finding out about the Bad Guys’ Super Evil Group Chat and their triple trucies because of their stupid phone.

They run up the stairs, hoping that the thing doesn't decide to explore the four same fucking spots of their house.

The door cracks as Kris makes their way in.

“Sweet!" And before they can ever realize it, the towel has been stolen from Kris' hands with a whoosh.

Sitting on the floor, they patiently wait as Susie puts the towel over her head and shakes it rapidly, reminding Kris of how dogs shake the water off.

"Why didn't you bring an umbrella?” they ask, voice deep and monotone. As always.

Susie frowns as she uncovers her head. Her hair is still humid and disheveled, sticking in very different directions. “Uh, don't you think that if I had an umbrella, I would use it, dumbass?"

Kris chuckles.

She finally wraps herself like a burrito as she sits down criss-cross apple sauce.

Susie’s smiling, and Kris thinks she looks cute.

The silence settles between both of them. It's… something. Not really comfortable but also not unbearable either, although Kris doesn't think being with Susie would ever feel like a Herculean task. Even if it feels awkward and weird, there's really not a single scenario where they would actually despise being in the presence of Susie. And that's just how it is.

…Which is definitely a problem.

God, they never planned on getting this attached! They never planned on getting attached at all!

Kris usually prides themselves on being able to keep themselves at arms length with anyone! Ralsei, Noelle, their mom, Tenna, Azzy… Anyone who would want to be with them. Kris excels at avoiding developing deep relationships and being emotionally vulnerable with people. They are usually very cold and serious — or so they've been told. After all they learned it from the best, right?

But no, the point is that there's a girl in Kris' bedroom. A girl that actually likes being with them. A girl that somehow manages to unconsciously see the real them, even through the thick veil that blurries who they really are outside of the Soul’s control. She doesn't directly know what's wrong with them, but for some reason they just… connect. 

It's weird, isn't it?

Perhaps it's the fact that they would've never expected to bond with Susie in the first place. Kris sees themselves in her in many ways — even before they fell into Castle Town for the first time, Kris had seen her serious expressions, her tired eyes, her hunched posture… They saw a lonely kid, who gave up on being understood a long time ago. In class she’d never pay attention, she’d never bring lunch from home and she'd never talk. 

Respect and relatability are probably the words Kris was looking for, because at the end of the day, they never played with the idea of introducing themselves or anything, they were content with just knowing they weren't the only freak in the room.

They were okay with keeping their distance when the moment came. When they fell into the darkness. It was fairly easy, the first few hours.

It stopped being easy the moment she gently put a hand on their shoulder after her first time going to the Dark World and whispered about both of them trying to return to Castle Town tomorrow.

It started getting more difficult as time passed: They would catch a glimpse of Susie’s mesmerized look whenever she saw fireworks in Cyber City, or they could see her beaming smile when playing video games with them and Ralsei in TV World. Every little thing she did, every new thing they'd learn about her, everything added up to make it harder for Kris not to care about her.

After tonight they think it might as well be impossible.

So here they are. Three days and Kris hasn't been able to stop thinking about her at all. About how freely she moves, the way her laugh floods the whole room, how empathetic and kind she can be…

They might be really, really fucked now.

Thankfully, before they can go into full spiral mode, Susie finally opens her mouth and Kris comes back to reality.

"So… Today, huh?"

Oh.

Fuck it, we are going back to full spiral mode.

Oh fuck no, Kris mentally screeches. They would rather talk about anything but today. Anything but the prophecy, the Roaring Knight, Ralsei, whatever. Just- no.

They won't be able to endure it. Not at three in the fucking morning while sleep deprived. Not when they are alone with Susie, who's staring at them with her big yellow eyes, looking for genuine company.

They don't say anything. They can't. Their words catch in their throat.

“Thanks, by the way," she calmly adds.

They blink.

Kris' brows arch as they process what she just said. “For what?" Confusion bleeds through their words.

She reaches the back of her neck with her left hand as she lets out a little giggle.

“Well, for a lot of things! For, putting your life in my hands, for example!” she laughs. “Literally!”

They both chuckle.

“For trusting me with my healing magic. That's another one.” Her voice is softer. Her eyes sparkle. “For telling me you'd…” she hesitates, brushing her bangs away from her eyes, “... that you'd teach me piano.”

There's a pause. Maybe she wants Kris to say something, which they can't. They can't bring themselves to say anything, even though they'd love to tell her she doesn't have to be thankful for that, that they'll teach her everything that they know, that they'd burn down the whole world if she gave them the word, that they'd risk their life every day if she was the one they were fighting alongside.

But their mouth is kept shut. And it's probably for the best. She doesn't need to know how much they absolutely, irremediably adore her.

“I don't know, I just feel like sometimes you are too good to me.”

Oh, lord. Ralsei's right, she's too kind.

“Hey! Don't smile like that, you idiot!” she angrily exclaims, pointing at them with an accusatory finger. Kris can see a faint blush in her cheeks.

They snicker, which flusters her even more. 

Before they have time to react, a pillow hits them in the face with enough force to knock them to the ground.

"If I knew you were gonna be a cocky bastard I woulda never said anything!”

The pillow muffles the soft giggles Kris won't bother to repress. It's an understatement to say that they love messing with her.

And then they feel a sudden weight on top of them. And the pillow is removed from their face. And they immediately tense up.

"Stop laughing, asshole!”

Oh. Oh, Angel.

Staring down at them, Susie's straddling Kris.

Strands of her dark, wet hair cascade down her shoulders, and her big hands are situated at both sides of Kris' head. One of them, the right one, is pinning Kris' arm to the floor. Her rough fingers are wrapped around their wrist, and the abrupt contact feels like it’s burning their skin.

A pair of charcoal pupils, as narrow as a cat’s, are fixated on them, watching their every movement. They are very thin and very focused, and almost hungry, as if they had found the perfect prey to sink their teeth in. Two beautiful rings of wild fire surround these dark lines, and in her snout there's a playful smile that is almost inviting Kris to fight back, to attack her.

But Kris can't move. They can't be bothered to struggle against Susie.

Her breath is very deep and it starts to get slower, and Kris can faintly feel it in their nose. A drop of water hits Kris' forehead, and their heart skips a beat.

Her pupils dilate.

The human might as well be dying, and they are for sure blushing.

And for a moment — for just a split second — they see her gaze move from Kris' eyes to their mouth, just before all her confidence evaporates.

She breathes in and slightly parts her lips as if she's going to say something.

But Kris' instinct kicks in and they strike her stomach with their knee, knocking the wind out of her lungs, while they use their free hand to push themselves against the floor and lunge at Susie who quickly loses her balance.

Now they are the one on top of her, and the confusion plastered all over Susie's face is genuinely delightful. It makes Kris feel victorious.

They stick their tongue out as they mentally crown themselves as monarch of rough and tumble play.

Oh, how they had missed playing like this… Asriel would never want to participate in any sort of game that required any sort of abrupt movements with them because he said that they played “too rough” and that they were a “meanie cheater", plus "wrestling is for little immature kids who don't know how to behave”. (The reality was that Kris would always win and Asriel would always go cry about it to their Mom like the little brat he was.)

Then there was Noelle, who was too scared to try, and her family always thought of her as this fragile child who could easily break if she was touched just a bit too hard. So Kris never bothered to try because they didn’t want to get repeatedly smacked on the head by Dess’ wiffle bat.

Speaking of Dess, she would be the only one who could match little Kris’ restless chaotic energy, so she was always up to wrestle with them.

Dess.

Dess and Azzy.

Dess and Noelle and Asriel and the Roaring and Ralsei and the Angel and the Soul and the Knight and—

“Oh yeah? You want to play like that?" Her voice brings their head back to reality and their eyes back on her. With a sudden movement both of their bodies roll to the right as Susie moves to perpetuate the wrestling contest.

The next forty two minutes consist of the two of them mindlessly knocking down and tumbling the other, rolling on the floor, displaying Susie’s strength and Kris' agility. Knees and elbows are bumped, hair is pulled with enough force to hurt just a little bit, and Kris’ pretty sure they’ll be covered in purple bruises by tomorrow morning. They giggle like the dumb teens they are until they tire each other out and neither can continue.

Now they lie next to each other on the carpeted floor.

Soft, rhythmic breathing fills the room. The rain brings a certain peace.

Well this is nice.

"Hey, um. Kris?” She shyly breaks the silence with her soar voice.

They softly hum to let her know they are listening.

She hesitates before continuing, "Is it okay if I spend the night here?”

Silence.

“You are already spending the night here, though?" 

She clicks her tongue and huffs. “No! I mean like- Like sleeping here! You know, like a sleepover!"

“Ah.”

A small smile appears on their face. That seems like a nice idea, that is, having Susie around. Who knows, maybe this night they wouldn't be awoken in cold sweats by the most grotesque, graphic and vomit-inducing vivid nightmares. Plus it's not like there’s anything important they need to get done tonight so…

Yes. The answer is yes. They want her to stay.

“You—" 

Their voice breaks in the middle of the sentence, and the tightness in their chest returns. The realization comes down on them like freezing water, and the virus that they host takes control.

With an abrupt movement they stand up. The sound of their feet against the floor feels abnormally loud.

Stomping, they see Susie with the corner of their eye, who has sat up, giving them a weird look.

Whatever the hell the soul plans to do, Kris doesn't know.

It makes them stop in front of their brother's nights stand. Their stiff arms move automatically, opening the bottom drawer. They reach for what they hope it's not one of Asriel's old… magazines.

Their fingers touch soft fabric.

Oh, thank Deltarune, they mentally pray.

“You can just say no, you know?” Susie laughs but Kris can tell she's nervous by the way her voice hesitates.

Their head turns around to observe Susie for a solid ten seconds before they chuck the clothes at her face, catching her by surprise and getting revenge for the pillow incident earlier. 

"Put these on," they command.

She looks down and up and down again, knits her brows and makes a face.

“Huh?" 

They scoff.

“Pyjamas," they say, dryly. “Won't let you go to bed with wet clothes."

"Ooooooh!” She quickly realizes what Kris is implying. At this point she has sorta picked up on the way they can't directly express what they want. She probably thinks Kris is odd, but she's still sticking around, so that doesn't matter that much. Regardless of if she thinks they are weird or not, she smiles at them. “Heh, thanks!”

They nod and sit down at the same time as she picks up the clothes and carefully studies them.

The set consists of a really baggy T-shirt — even for someone with Asriel's body type — with a big picture on the front, and a pair of pyjama pants with little sparkling swords all over them.

Susie smirks and rolls her eyes. 

“I'm guessing these are your brother's, right?”

They nod.

"Yeah, something told me that only your brother would be so obsessed with the Swords Magician from Dragon Blazers to have freaking pyjamas with her face all over it. It will do for the night though."

They stare at her.

"What?” She raises an eyebrow.

“... ‘Freaking’?”

Kris has to use all of their will power not to burst out laughing at her right now.

Horror and surprise perfectly summarizes Susie’s expression.

“Did I just censor myself?" she questions, probably talking to herself. Looking at the ceiling she closes her eyes and deeply inhales. And then she snorts. “Ugh, that damn Strawberry Nerd is rubbing off on me!”

Kris mentally agrees.

They talk about Ralsei for a bit.

Susie seems to really like him, and Kris can see the deep affection she feels for him and the profound desire she has for Ralsei to come over to the Light World. Their bond grows stronger with each adventure. As well as their affection, or at least that's what Kris has noticed.

Contrary to what one may think, Kris loves Ralsei too. He's very caring and very funny and sometimes a bit annoying, and God, how they wish they could be as close to each other as Susie and him are.

But there are these parts of themself, these frightened, desperate and ugly parts, that they can very clearly see in Ralsei. Like he's holding up a mirror to Kris. That's their main issue.

There's just so much they don't tell each other and so much they know that it's very complicated to have an honest conversation with him without both of them feeling like they are standing on very thin ice and the first one that does something out of the character will be completely submerged in freezing, painful water. Every time they interact, it feels like they have to be walking on eggshells just so they don’t say the wrong thing and reveal their true nature.

But tonight was an exception. For both of them.

And they can't help but wish they had met in other circumstances.

They never seem to be on the same page either way, so it's best for Kris if they keep him emotionally distant so they don't get attached to him too. They are destined to betray him anyways.

After Susie stops rambling about how awesome Ralsei is, she asks them to go get changed to the bathroom — to which Kris is about to give her green light until they realize that their missing phone is still abandoned in the bathtub.

And so, they panic and scream “no" at the top of their lungs.

Why the fuck are they so stuuuuuuuuuuupiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid.

Susie blinks very slowly. Then her scales under her eyes turn a deeper shade of purple. She looks away.

"Then at least turn around…?”

She doesn't have to tell them twice.

They sit on a corner facing the closest wall as they are trying not to die of embarrassment.

“And no peeking!!” she teases them. “Freak!"

Their whole face is burning in embarrassment at this point as they hear the sound of clothes being taken off.

They stare with such intensity at the wall as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.

God, they are disgusting.

How could they be thinking about her like that? Susie’s their friend. Their friend. Nothing else, nothing more.

Plus, Kris is pretty sure that, based on how today went, she is crushing on Noelle. And possibly Ralsei.

There's just a certain way she looks at them, with so much pure, sheer adoration.

Kris would give anything for Susie to look at them like that.

But even if she wasn't crushing on either of them, they bet she'd still pick them first over Kris. Both of them are good, sweet friends who would never take advantage of Susie or hurt her in any way.

Kris, on the other hand, is a stupid piece of shit who cannot stop being a selfish prick, who wants Susie all for themselves, who wants to hold her hand and hug her and let her bite them and kiss her and all this inappropriate thoughts shouldn't be in their head because Kris is the worst person they know and they should've never been born, god fucking damnit can she kill them already, they deserve to die the slowest most painful—

“Done!"

Okay.

They turn to see her.

The clothes fit her pretty well. They are still kind of loose but, judging by her relaxed posture, she seems to be comfortable in them. Hopefully they don’t smell like their stinky brother.

Her dark hair has been tied into a low ponytail. She should wear ponytails more often, Kris thinks.

Slightly stained white bandages cover her right hand. How did they just notice this?

Once Susie realizes where Kris’ curious eyes are fixated on, she quickly crosses her arms so that the wounded hand is not visible and asks, “You getting changed too?”

Ah, right. Kris is still wearing their old sweater and jeans. To be fair they didn’t have enough motivation to get changed, and they had sorta given up on sleeping, so they never really got changed into something more comfortable.

(Not like they don't sleep in their regular clothes anyway.)

They don’t want to weird her out by going to bed in their dirty clothes, so they reluctantly choose a pyjama of their own to sleep in.

Susie immediately turns around just like they did, and while Kris slips their very oversized t-shirt they use as pyjamas that looks like a dress on them, they bet that, unlike them, Susie is not nervous at all about this, that she is not blushing or feels anxious about the situation because why would she? She’s not a freak like Kris.

Once they are done, both of them look at Kris’ alarm clock.

4:39

It’s a good thing they don’t have class tomorrow.

“So I guess I’m sleeping in your brother’s bed tonight, huh”

Kris looks at her.

Holding herself with her bare arms, she doesn’t meet their gaze.

She’s acting shy again, like she wants to tell Kris something she doesn’t have the guts to say. Which is weird. Usually Susie’s not afraid to say what's on her mind. Sometimes that’s a problem.

Kris decides not to think about it too hard as they sit on their bed.

Plus, the soul has chosen for them.

“You should sleep in his bed.” Their voice that’s not really their voice comes across as too harsh as they point to the other side of their bedroom.

Asriel’s perfectly made bed.

Kris doesn’t like that.

Susie obeys.

They watch her as she fiddles with the bed sheets until she feels satisfied and decides to get inside. She covers herself up to the shoulders, and her feet almost poke from the other side of the mattress. She doesn’t say anything. She just lays there.

But Kris wants her next to them.

Maybe it’d be too awkward and weird, plus Kris’ bed is definitely way too small for both of them to sleep comfortably, but Kris can’t help but wish to feel her warm body next to them. To be able to look to their right and meet the face of the most wonderful person in the whole wide world. Craving such intimacy is not something they usually do, but with Susie it feels like they need her like they need air to breathe. It's just as natural as existing.

They wish to be selfish just one more time.

Kris pulls their knees to their chest and hides their face.

Sadly, they don’t have the courage to tell her though. It would be contradictory to ask someone to do the opposite thing of what you just told them to do.

So they just keep looking at the big dark figure whose chest rhythmically goes up and down and up and down, very very slowly.

“Dude, you're doing that thing where you stare at me a lot and don't say anything." 

Kris chokes on their own spit.

That's a habit they have to change — that is longingly staring at Susie in a way that could creep her out, not choking on their own spit. Although yeah, they’d rather not choke on their own spit too.

Susie pulls down the bed sheets and uncovers herself.

"If you wanted me to get in your bed so bad…” she whispers as she stands up without a hurry. “You could've said so, y'know?" 

And the next thing Kris sees is Susie launching herself in their direction, rapidly approaching. They don't have any time to react before she's already laying on top of them.

Without thinking about it too much, they murmure, “you’re very warm.”

She tenses up.

“I um- You can’t-” she stammers, and for once, Kris is proud to be the one making an incoherent, flustered mess out of her. “Shit, Kris.”

In one swift movement she shifts to their right.

They are in the same bed.

Oh wow.

Kris mentally sighs. They don't have the brain power to be bothered to blush anymore.

I guess we are doing this.

…

Cool.

With awkward clumsiness, both teens struggle to get themselves inside the bed. 

The first thing that Kris notices is that they are the closest to the wall, which basically means they won't be able to go anywhere without waking Susie up. They are, for lack of better words, trapped.

The second thing they notice is how small their bed actually is, especially when two people try to fit in it, and extra especially when one of them is a large, muscular monster. Perhaps they are starting to regret this.

As Susie pulls the covers over them, Kris wonders if they’ll be able to sleep at all tonight. Having Susie be so close to them…

She moves her legs, which brush against Kris' toes.

“Geez, dude! Why are your feet so goddamn cold?!” she makes a face as a chill goes down her spine.

They awkwardly shrug without saying a word.

Kris is a very cold person actually. Not like, emotionally cold — that too though —, it's just that they have always responded well to cold weather and their skin is overall pretty cool.

And Susie, she's so warm. They don't even have to touch her to know — just being close to her is enough to feel the nice heat her body radiates.

“Here, let me just—" she shifts the position of her legs until her calves are wrapped around Kris' feet. It feels like touching fire.

Oh. That's actually really nice.

And so, they lay next to each other. Both of their gazes are fixed in the eggshell white ceiling. No one says a word, and the only thing Kris can hear is Susie’s regular breaths. Their shoulders are pressed together due to the small space, but it doesn't seem to make either of them uncomfortable — in fact Kris can feel Susie leaning into the touch.

Kris wants more, actually.

They want to touch her more. They want to feel their soft skin against Susie’s rough scales. They want to hold her hand, comparing their comically different sizes. And they want to go outside with her when their hands are linked, and let the whole world know how they are Susie’s and Susie’s only.

They want to run their fingers through her dark hair. Her mane looks so soft and thick, and it's always a little frizzy. She brushes it a lot, Kris has realized. It seems to be the only thing Susie puts effort in every morning. It’s pretty and shiny, and still a little wet from the rain.

They want her to cradle their face, to rest her palms on their cheeks and look them in the eye. And Kris would tell her how much they absolutely adore her and how much they need her because they wouldn't be half the person they are today because of these stupid three days they have been around her. They would tell her about how she is the light of their life, whose smile shines so bright it could compete with the very Sun and whose eyes are the two most breath-taking pools of the sweetest honey they've ever seen. And maybe Susie would look back and say something nice too — maybe she could whisper their name in such a way that they would completely melt.

They want to maybe even kiss her — for their mouth to be just inches apart from Susie’s snout, and she would breathe so deep that they would feel the hot air on their face, and Kris would realize that they hadn’t been breathing themselves. Their lower lip would tremble with anticipation until their chapped lips were pressed against her rough ones as their teeth clumsily clashed with each other. Then, she would perhaps put her arms around their waist and pull them even closer, as if they were trying to merge into one. They want to kiss her hard. Yes, they want to kiss her so hard Kris forgets their name. They want to kiss her silly until nothing in the world matters anymore, and there's no worrying about dying tomorrow, or destined betrayals, or stupid Knights and stupid prophecies and stupid promises, because the only thing that matters in this hypothetical world, the only thing that Kris knows for sure is good, is just how much Kris loves Susie.

“Hey, Kris?" Her voice is soft.

They immediately stop indulging in their shameful fantasy.

“Mhm?" Kris looks at her out of the corner of their eye.

"Are you excited to go to the festival?”

The festival? Well, Kris has obviously thought about the festival — how could they not? The thought of it makes their skin crawl and the muscles in their neck to tense up. They know what’s going to go down tomorrow, so they are not exactly excited. It’s going to be enjoyable for the first, what, 20 minutes?

"Hm? Oh.” They think about what to actually say. “I guess."

Susie doesn’t say anything else for a while.

“I mean…” she starts again. Her voice sounds so small and so low that it’s almost a whisper.

Did Kris hurt her feelings? Is this why she's acting so hesitant? Did they do something wrong? Did they creep her out?

Kris swallows.

“Yeah, it's kind of stupid but…” she continues. “I don't know, I'm kind of excited? I've never been to one of those before, especially with, uh… friends?”

That would be the first time for Kris in a long time, so they can kind of relate to that.

It’s barely noticeable, but they nod.

"And um, I don't know if you heard but I think I'm sorta taking Noelle to the festival?”

Something shatters inside Kris’ chest.

Oh right.

“Do you think that's, like, a date?

A date? A date? Of course it’s a fucking date! Noelle is head over heels for Susie! And Susie loves her too! Why wouldn’t it be a fucking date?

And Susie had told Kris they would go together yesterday! What the fuck!

I thought you wanted to go with me.

“I'm still kind of confused and I don't know what I should do.”

The last words barely even register on Kris' head.

You said you wanted me to be there with you.

The jealousy inside them stings like venom.

Of course she wants to go with Noelle. Why wouldn’t she? She’s the pretty one, with her golden hair and pleasant personality, accompanied with a smile that doesn’t make her look like a creep. She’s smart, funny, beautiful and honest. She's perfect. She’s the monster Susie deserves, the monster Susie wants. How could Kris compete with that?

They say nothing.

And for Kris’ dismay, Susie continues.

"I'm also thinking about, um, Ralsei? I just- I feel kinda bad for him, since he can't come with us, you know?”

In other circumstances Kris would’ve agreed, but the rushing thoughts in their mind won’t let them formulate an appropriate response.

“Not to sound real cheesy here, but I'm really worried about him,” she awkwardly laughs. The mattress moves as she shifts her position a little. There’s excitement now. “Maybe we could go to Castle Town and try decorating it like the festival!" There's a wide smile on her face that’s showing her teeth. “I think it could be really cool! I bet Lancer would also find it really awesome! And then it's like we are taking Ralsei to the festival!”

For a moment, Kris' brain manages to slam on the brakes.

They consider the proposition.

No. They can’t go to the Dark World, not yet. Not if they want things to go according to plan. The idea sounds nice in theory, but it’s impossible.

“Although if I asked him out, his corny ass would probably cry happy tears immediately."

Right, she would also like to ask him out.

She also wants him to be her date. Of course. Because he’s nicer and sweeter and kinder than Kris could ever be. They share a beautiful bond — he is the boy Susie would sacrifice anything for if he gave her the word. And he's talented and gentle and helpful, and he's exactly who Susie needs. The friend Susie desires.

Let me be your date.

I want to be your date.

Don't take him. Don't take Noelle.

Take me.

Water starts accumulating on their eyes, and they fix their gaze on the ceiling with such intensity just so Susie won't accidentally see any unwanted tears streaming down their face. It's too much. Everything is too much.

"And, um. Then of course there's you.”

And the world seems to stop spinning.

And they sucks in a breath.

And for the first time in a long time, Kris has hope.

Maybe she's just being polite. Maybe what she is suggesting is a platonic date. But for just a moment, just a second, Kris allows themself to have hope. Because there's a chance, a rather slim chance, that Susie wants to be with them. With them.

Them.

Please, they think, take me, please. They mentally beg her, desperately hoping that the painful expression of yearning Kris is trying to retain is enough for her to notice how deeply they want to be hers. Oh, how they long to be her first option, her number one, her favorite.

But Susie’s no mind reader, and Kris knows it's no use.

“So," she begins, and there's a peculiar tone of certainty in the way she pronounces that word. She moves her head to the left, trying to find Kris’ eyes, before saying, "Who do I go to the festival with?”

They look back at her, and blood red meets fiery amber.

And they share a moment where the quietness feels so nice, and the bed sheets are so soft, and Susie’s so so warm, and her eyes are just pure light. Susie is pure light.

And suddenly the tightness is there again, and Kris' stomach drops.

They can feel words that are not theirs fighting to come out of their mouth like a swarm of wasps. They try to choke them like they sometimes do, to retain them until they silently die. They've done it before, why is it so difficult now?

But then they feel the small tears forming back in the corners of their eyes, and the taste of copper in their mouth, and Susie’s expectant expression, and they immediately decide there's no point in fighting back.

"Noelle." Their voice is barely a whisper.

“Mhm?" Susie hums. There's a hint of disbelief.

“You should…” They know it's the right option, so Kris desperately tries to rid their voice of its persistent shakiness. There's no going back now. Trying to hold themselves together, Kris shuts their eyes. They can't bear to see Susie's expression right now.

 “Go with Noelle," they mutter.

Both teens stay still, as if they were expecting the other one to say something, anything. As if in the case they were to move in the slightest the other might straight up vanish into thin air.

The room feels colder, and the bed covers are suffocating.

Kris hates how much this hurts them. None of this would've happened had they completely detached themself from their feelings for Susie.

The rain is falling heavily now. It sounds angry. Kris is angry too.

After a while, Susie speaks. “Ah. Yeah.” She sounds a little disoriented, and Kris immediately wishes they could take it all back, to declare how much they long for her love and how ashamed they are of this fact.

But it's too late, because Susie adds with a hesitant but calmed — and sort of happy — voice, " I’ll- I'll take her.”

Something inside of Kris, something that has been building itself up, finding its broken pieces and putting them back together, starts to ache so bad that they break down crying.

It starts soft, with little sniffles and whimpers, barely noticeable actions that might go unnoticed to the untrained eye. It's soft and controlled, just like Kris has been used to crying this past few years. Any noise they make probably gets drowned out by the sound of water drops outside hitting the ground anyway.

Nevertheless, the moment that Susie does in fact notice what's going on and gently places a hand on their shoulder, that silent crying quickly evolves into full on intense sobs, accompanied by extreme shaking and heavy breathing. It's like they are a little kid again. Like they are eight and seeing wide-eyed dark monsters on their walls that dance like shadows and won't let them fall asleep.

But they aren't eight anymore. And they haven't been eight in a long time. And, above everything else, they are not alone anymore, because with a determined movement, Susie pulls them into a hug.

Her strong arms squeeze them against her chest, and she puts her head on top of theirs. Kris doesn't have that much time to react to what's going on. They only know that she's holding them and that her left hand just started drawing circles on their back. It's soothing.

Angel, they never wanted to act like this in front of her. She's so goddamn kind.

If Kris told anyone about this they wouldn't believe them, since in their neighbors’ judgmental eyes Susie is a monster incapable of gentleness. Well, fuck them.

They sniffle.

For a moment they feel bad that they might be getting her t-shirt all dirty from all this ugly crying and disgusting snot, but then they remember it's Asriel's stupid pyjamas, and they feel better about it. They almost even laugh.

So here is Kris, making a fool out of themself, with their stupid selfish feelings and their stupid embarrassing break downs, while being held by the most wonderful and beautiful person to ever have existed.

Tear after tear, their breathing grows slower. As they concentrate on clearing their mind, they start hearing the soft beating of her heart. Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum. A reminder that she's alive. A reminder that there's still time.

They bury their face on the crook of her neck. The smell of rain mixed with her unique natural scent of wildflowers and chalk (and a bit of sweat) is intoxicating. It's so Susie.

It's almost overwhelming. Almost.

She doesn't push them to talk. And thank fucking God she doesn't. Kris wouldn't be able to hold an actual conversation with her, much less a conversation about their feelings. She just holds them like someone who doesn't completely understand but can relate to this kind of raw pain. Kris knows she doesn't completely understand. She knows they know this as well.

They stay like this for what feels like ages. Kris keeps on crying as they are hugged by Susie. At one point they tangle their legs. It gets nicer with every second.

Once they are calmed enough, they finally speak.

“‘m sorry," they mumble with their painfully sore voice.

The tears have stopped at this point.

"Psh, for what? For killing your cool and unbothered guy persona?” she teases.

Kris snorts.

"Do you want to…" she starts.

They immediately shake their head. Not today. They are too tired. Too stupid. They might say something they regret.

And Susie understands.

“Okay,” she whispers back.

And she starts running her fingers through Kris' brown hair, massaging their scalp with a relaxing pace.

For the first time in a while, they acknowledge how exhausted they actually are. Their bones ache and their muscles are so sore, and by God do they need a shower.

Today has been a long day. Way too long for their taste. And everything that has happened weighs on both teens: The final prophecy, Gerson's fate, Ralsei's breakdown, the Roaring, the abduction of Undyne, the Knight being extremely close to winning… It's too much for anyone to bear, really.

And they have to repress the urge to growl at the thought of tomorrow afternoon, when they have to go through the same cycle of lying to everyone and playing double agents and trying to buy Susie and Ralsei time. Such an image makes them want to throw up and they have to make a conscious effort to try to still their heartbeat.

It's going to be worse than today, that's for sure.

But right now, they allow themself to lower their guard and relax at Susie’s sweet touch. 

Susie who likes being around them. Susie who understands them like no-one else. Susie with her dumb jokes and loving teasing and her —both mental and physical — strength and her empathy and everything that makes Susie, well, Susie.

She's everything.

If Kris is gonna die, let it be in Susie's arms, with their head on her chest while her hands gently play with their hair, slowly drifting asleep as they listen to her heartbeat.