Archive of Our Own

The truth was that Steve was used to losing the people he loved.

It had started with his parents.

They had always been somewhat aloof and distant. That’s why Steve especially cherished the rare occasions when his Dad gave him a warm pat on the back or his Mom a goodnight kiss before bed. 

Then his Dad got promoted and they started being out of the house more often. It went from a couple of days alone to weeks on end. By high school, Steve was used to seeing them maybe two weeks out of the year if he was lucky.  

Steve had tried in the beginning to keep their interest, their attention, their love. He had worked hard in sports for his Dad. He had kept the house spotless for his Mom. But nothing he did seemed to work; nothing he did convinced them to stay. He could only watch as they drifted further and further away, out of his reach.

Next was Tommy and Carol. 

While they might not have been the best people, they were his best friends. They filled the hole that his parents had left behind.

There were so many times when he was younger, when the house was too cold and too quiet, and it got too much, he would bike over to the Hagans. 

Sometimes Tommy would scoff, but every time he opened the door and let Steve into his home. They would practice shooting hoops and talk about what it would be like to play on the high school team together, having each other’s backs. Mrs. Hagan would always send Steve home with his belly full from a homemade meal.

Carol, with her sharp quips and social prowess, was always quick to defend Steve whenever playful banter with other kids got a little too personal. She was honest with Steve in a way that no one else was. Would tell him when his outfit needed to be tucked in, when his hair was looking a little flat, and would sneakily hand him a piece of gum before he went to kiss a cheerleader under the bleachers.

Losing Tommy and Carol, like his parents, started gradually. They argued over stupid things and disagreed more often. They didn’t like Nancy, thought her too goody-two-shoes to fit in with the popular kids, but they still gave her a chance for him. 

And when it came down to it, Steve chose Nancy. Nancy made him want to be a better person. She wasn’t a bully. Steve didn’t feel ashamed walking down the hallway with her, like he did Tommy, who would always pick on some poor kid minding his business. She didn’t start reputation-ruining rumours for fun as Carol did. Nancy was good.

Still, it was hard to pass Tommy and Carol in the halls and ignore each other. It had hurt, going from best friends to strangers. But they weren’t the first people he loved that he’d lose, and they weren’t the last.

Steve had been hopeful with Nancy. They had been through literal hell together, with the Upside Down shit. Surely that would tie two people together for a lifetime. 

Instead, it had done the opposite. It created a chasm between them that, no matter how many times Steve tried to cross, seemed to only get wider. Steve had really, really tried with Nancy. He had tried to make himself into what she wanted. Someone nice, someone kinder, someone who listened. But no matter how he tried to mold himself, he couldn’t become Johnathan. Couldn’t be what she actually wanted.

Nancy was smart. She probably picked up on his worries and was aware of the masks he was learning to put on. That’s why she had called him bullshit. Everything was a lie, in the end. He loved her enough to change. She didn’t love him, not even enough to stay.

It took a while to get over Nancy. He found solace in Dustin and the other kids. It was a new type of love, brotherly. Maybe he’d never have a Mom or Dad. Maybe he’d never have a girlfriend. But maybe this could be enough.

Robin had surprised him in different ways. Made him realize that maybe he was ready to date again (but not her, obviously). That soulmates could be platonic, that a best friend can heal all types of hurts he didn’t even know he had. Made him also aware that girls could want girls. That guys could want guys. And that Steve maybe was a guy who wanted both.

It was really because of Robin that Steve let himself give another shot at love. He’d been dating, yeah, but he didn’t ever really open his heart to them. He was scared to get hurt again. Seeing Robin so happy and in love with Vickie awakened something in Steve. 

And then he’d gotten a massive crush on Eddie freaking Munson of all people.

Robin had sussed him out within a month and kept pestering him about confessing. Steve had been considering it, but was hesitant. He’d done the relationship thing so many times with girls, but never with a guy. How different was it? What if he said or did something wrong and scared Eddie off?

Steve really liked Eddie. Eddie really listened to him, even about the sports shit Steve knew he couldn't care less about. His eyes got really bright and shiny whenever he spoke about something he was passionate about. He was good with the kids in a way that Steve wasn’t, making them well-matched. Eddie was so bright and full of energy, always full of movement. He shone like the sun, and Steve felt like a sunflower, twisting and turning to feel that warmth.

If all they ever were was friends, Steve would be okay with that. He’d rather have Eddie that way than not at all. He didn’t want to lose him, or even risk it. Others may have left, but Robin had stayed. So had Dustin. If friends were all Steve was destined to have, then by God, he’d keep Eddie by remaining friends.

But it seems like Eddie didn’t get the same memo. On one random movie night between the two of them Eddie had suddenly turned towards Steve on the couch. His face was flaming red but before Steve could even think about why, Eddie had spit out what apparently he’d been wanting to say for weeks.

“Would you want to go on a date with me sometime?”

Steve had barely managed to keep his mouth from dropping open in shock. Instead, he just stared with wide eyes, like a weirdo. He let out a strangled noise that didn’t seem to faze Eddie in the slightest.

“Me?” Steve had choked out, pointing at himself in a questioning manner.

Eddie nodded so fast he looked like a bobble head, his long curly hair flopping all about.

“Okay,” Steve’s reply came out like a squeak. Then they both turned back towards the movie and pretended like everything was normal. A few minutes later Steve had felt Eddie’s hand bump into his, a question. Steve intertwined their hands together in reply. They were both red in the face but didn’t say anything. Steve didn’t remember a single thing about the movie. 

They were an interesting pair, but they fit well together. They weren’t perfect and they had their arguments, but they always made up by the end of the day. Steve showed up to Eddie’s Corroded Coffin shows and sat with him through the kids’ Dungeons and Dragons campaigns. Eddie went with Steve to Lucas’s basketball games and let Steve use his hair for braiding practice. 

Time went by and things naturally fell into place. Steve was no longer just Steve. Now, it was Steve and Eddie. Dustin would ask if they could host Hellfire at Steve and Eddie’s place. Erica would say Steve and Eddie were taking her out for ice cream after school. For the Bylers’ annual Christmas party, Will made sure to remind Joyce to invite Steve and Eddie. They were a pair.

Steve was happy. Every day felt like the sun was shining on him. He had finally done something right. He was finally a person people would want. He was surrounded by love. No one else had left, and no one else was leaving.

Which is why he felt like his heart fell out of his ass when he found the earring in Eddie’s van.

It was one of those rare times when Eddie had wanted to drive for their date night. He’d opened the passenger door and gestured inside theatrically for Steve to get in.

“Your carriage, my liege,” he said before smacking a sloppy kiss on Steve’s outstretched hand. Steve rolled his eyes fondly before stepping in. 

They had gone to one of their favorite diners, ending the meal with a shared strawberry milkshake and giggles over whipped cream mustaches. Before heading home Eddie had stopped to get gas, insisting that Steve stay inside as his ‘passenger princess’.

Steve had his phone out to text Robin back when the phone’s ringtone suddenly played out loudly, causing Steve to jump in surprise and drop it beneath the seat. He grumbled as he leaned over and stuck his hand under the seat, swiping back and forth before his hands finally landed on an object. 

He pulled it out, shocked to see what he now held in his hand.

It was a pretty thing, sparkly and dangly. Nothing that Robin, Nancy, or any of the other girls that Steve knew who could’ve ridden in Eddie’s van would wear. His mind was reeling, thoughts going so fast that he couldn’t even settle on one. 

He was interrupted from his thoughts by the driver’s door opening. Without thinking, Steve quickly hid the earring in his pocket.

“Are you gonna answer that, sweetheart?” Eddie asked him curiously. Steve nodded robotically, reaching down and finally grabbing the phone that was ringing for a second time. It was Robin. He picked up.

“Hi Robs,” Steve said. He hoped his voice sounded normal. Robin had ESP or something for whenever he was upset, and he wasn’t ready to talk about this yet. Especially not with Eddie right next to him.

Thankfully, some god must have had pity on him and Robin didn’t seem to have any clue.

“Hey Stevie! Do you know when you’re gonna be back from your date? Me and Vickie wanna swing by to visit sometime later tonight.”

“Uh, yeah, we’re heading back now,” Steve replied, glancing over at Eddie, who was already pulling out of the gas station and onto the main road. Usually, they planned some time to themselves after their dates, snuggling up in their bed (and maybe doing a little more than snuggling) for a bit. But Steve’s stomach was twisting in such a way that he wasn’t sure how he’d feel if Eddie touched him right now.

“Okay, great! Could we head over in like two hours-”

“-actually, right now works fine,” Steve interrupted her. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Eddie giving him a questioning look, but Steve pretended not to see it.

“If that works for you guys,” Robin said slowly, sounding a little confused. “See you soon then. Love you.”

“Yep, see you soon. Love you too.” Steve hung up. He looked over at Eddie, feeling a mixture of guilt, annoyance, and confusion. 

“Robin and Vickie are coming over to visit,” Steve informed him. Steve kept a close eye on Eddie’s expression to see if he was disappointed. Instead, Eddie grinned and gave a thumbs-up. Steve felt a small pang of hurt that Eddie seemed so excited to get out of their scheduled cuddling time. Steve tried to push the feeling down and ignore it. Maybe he’d done Eddie a favor, telling the girls to come sooner. 

“Okay, baby, let me know if you need anything from me.”

Eddie reached over with his right hand to grab Steve’s, giving it a squeeze before simply holding it. Steve didn’t squeeze back.

—

A couple of days later and Steve had managed to convince himself it was a fluke. Maybe Eddie had given a female hitchhiker a ride and her earring had fallen off. Maybe one of Robin’s Mom’s earrings had gotten attached to her backpack by accident, its journey ending in Eddie’s passenger seat. Maybe even Steve had accidentally dragged the earring into Eddie’s van, stuck to his shoe. 

So Steve forced himself to forget about it.

The visit with Robin and Vickie had gone well. Vickie was an absolute sweetheart and any time spent with Robin was guaranteed to be a blast. They ended up in a heated debate that lasted into the wee hours of the night about some whacky conspiracy theory Robin had cooked up. It was just the distraction that Steve had needed.

And now Steve was feeling a lot better about things. He didn’t need to talk to Robin about it. He didn’t need to talk to Eddie. Everything was fine.

Well, not everything. Eddie was currently running late and was about to miss the start of Lucas’s basketball game.

Steve checked his watch, the numbers 7:27 staring back at him mockingly. He shook his head exasperatedly before finally heading into the gym. Eddie was a big boy; he could find Steve himself.

Thankfully, it seems like the kids had saved them a spot, Dustin standing up tall and waving at Steve like a maniac on the home-side bleachers. Steve let out a little laugh before heading over and squeezing in next to the kid.

“You almost missed the start!” Dustin complained, handing Steve a cooling bag of popcorn. “You owe me three dollars for that.”

Steve handed over a five, knowing he wasn’t going to get his change back. 

“Sorry,” Steve said while throwing a few popcorn pieces in his mouth. “I was waiting for Eddie.”

Dustin let out his ‘thinking’ hum. “He’s not the type of guy to be late to things. Hope everything’s okay.”

Steve nodded in agreement, his stomach twisting into knots. He let the popcorn bag sit in his lap, no longer having an appetite.

The game started. Lucas grinned and waved at them, excited to see the whole party there to cheer him on. He scored the first basket of the game, to which Steve cheered with a loud whistle. This led to the next couple of minutes being dedicated to teaching Dustin, Mike, and Will how to whistle with their fingers. It involved a lot more saliva than Steve had expected. Max watched on the side, occasionally doing a whistle of her own whenever Mike had a particularly wet fail. 

There were two minutes left in the first quarter when Eddie finally slipped in next to him.

“Hi baby,” Eddie said, kissing Steve on the cheek in greeting. Despite his annoyance at Eddie being late, Steve felt it melting away with the easy affection. “Sorry I’m late.”

“It’s okay,” Steve replied, turning his head to get a look at his boyfriend. Eddie’s face was flushed and his hair slightly sweaty and frizzy, like he had run in a rush all the way from the parking lot. Steve found it incredibly endearing. He leaned in, giving Eddie a tight hug, his head slipping into the dip between Eddie’s neck and shoulder. Steve took a deep inhale, expecting the familiar scent that made up Eddie. Some comforting mixture of leather, oil, smoke, and pine. 

Instead, Steve’s nostrils were assaulted with some cloying flowery scent, a perfume that was definitely not Eddie’s.

It took all of Steve to stop himself from freezing up. To step back and give Eddie a smile like everything was okay, like everything was normal. Thankfully, he was able to pretend to be invested more so than usual in the basketball game as his mind started to spiral.

Okay, Steve thought to himself. Maybe the earring wasn’t a fluke,

Steve felt nauseous as the game continued. Eddie kept calling him pet names as usual, gave little touches of affection, cheered Lucas on, gave the kids high fives, and made them laugh with the little jokes he slipped in. It was like nothing was different. It was like Steve’s whole world hadn’t completely shifted on its axis. 

Something must’ve shown or slipped. Because at the start of the fourth quarter, Eddie leaned in close and whispered into Steve’s ear. “Are you okay, love?”

Steve cleared his throat. “Just a little stomach pain, I think the popcorn disagreed with me. Is it obvious?”

Eddie rubbed his back comfortingly. It felt like fire where he touched. Steve forced himself to stay loose, relaxed. 

“No, not obvious. I just know you.”

Steve nodded in answer, not really sure what to say.

“Love you,” Eddie whispered. 

Do you? Steve wondered, his heart clenching painfully. Do you really?

“Love you too,” Steve said instead.

—

Steve remembered a saying Robin had told him one time, something about once being a chance, twice a coincidence, and three times a pattern.

So maybe the earring and the perfume were a coincidence. It could mean nothing.

It could mean that Robin was right and he should go to therapy. That, on top of all the trauma from the Upside Down and being neglected as a child, Steve tended to self-sabotage and look for the negative. Steve tended to find the things that went wrong instead of focusing on what was going right. That he was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

Steve hated that she was right all the time.

But Steve was a pro at compartmentalizing. He took the thoughts and worries about Eddie, mentally threw them in a box, locked it up, and pocketed the key for a different day. Maybe if he ignored it long enough, it would go away on its own, and that day wouldn’t even need to come!

Steve had just arrived home from a long day of driving the kids around, exhausted from wrangling them, breaking up ridiculous fights, and stopping them from stupid things (No Dustin, you cannot climb the radio tower!), and he was ready for some rest. He opened the door to the smell of food cooking and some music playing quietly, a soothing voice softly singing along that instantly brought some calm to Steve.

Steve made his way to the kitchen and felt himself smiling dopily at Eddie in his ‘Kiss the Cook’ apron, hair pulled back in a messy bun secured with what looked like one of Max’s hair scrunchies. 

It was so domestic that Steve had to close his eyes and take a deep breath before doing something dramatic, like fall to his knees and propose or bite the other man’s arm. 

“Dinner’s almost done,” Eddie said, giving Steve a sweet smile when Steve didn’t say anything for a few minutes. “It’s nothing fancy, just some stir-fry. But I made it the way you like it.”

Steve shuffled up to Eddie at the stove, wrapping his arms around the other in a back hug. Eddie was very ticklish, meaning the simple act of Steve’s arms brushing by his waist dragged out a small, gasping giggle. Steve pressed a kiss to his neck, some small part of him pleased that Eddie smelled like Eddie.

“Seems like you had a long day, sunshine,” Eddie leaned back onto Steve, just a little. Enough to show affection but not too much that Steve had to support his weight. “Should we just eat and head to bed?”

Steve let out a noise of agreement. They stood like that until the food was ready, lazily making their way over to the kitchen table and eating together. Eddie filled the quiet with chatter, Steve nodding and saying little pieces here and there. It was perfect.

They made their way to the bedroom. Dinner had given Steve a little bit of energy, and he was feeling up for a quick shower. It’d be nice to wash the day off before bed.

“Should I start the shower for you?” Eddie asked, seeming to read Steve’s mind. Steve wanted to eat him. Affectionately. He nodded.

“Should I join you?” Eddie asked next, in an easy tone that told Steve he’d be okay with either answer. Steve thought it over, but the answer wasn’t hard. He wanted to be close to Eddie, always. In any way that Eddie would let him. He nodded again.

“Alright, my love, see you in a minute.”

Eddie shuffled to the bathroom as Steve started undressing and opened the closet where their dirty laundry basket was hidden. He started throwing his clothes for the day inside when a flash of something shiny tucked away further in the closet caught his attention.

Steve kneeled down and plucked out the sparkly object, which turned out to be a pair of lacy black women’s underwear.

Once was chance, twice was coincidence, and three times was a pattern.

Eddie was cheating on him.

And he’d brought that person into their home. Probably did things in their bed. All while Eddie continued to tell Steve he loved him.

Steve felt a tear run down his cheek. He quickly wiped it away before whirling around and stuffing the panties at the bottom of his own underwear drawer. Eddie would have no reason to look in there. Eddie would have no idea he’d been caught.

Because if Eddie knew he was caught, he’d end the charade. He’d stop pretending that they were fine, that he loved Steve. They wouldn’t be boyfriends, they wouldn’t be friends, they wouldn’t even be strangers. Worse, they’d be estranged exes.

Steve didn’t want that. Steve wanted Eddie, whatever pieces Eddie would give. If all Eddie gave Steve were little crumbs, Steve would relish every speck and thank him for the delicious meal after licking up every drop. 

So even though Eddie was cheating, Steve wouldn’t say anything. Steve could pretend he didn’t know, pretend everything was fine. He’d do it, hell, he’d excel at it.

But maybe that could start tomorrow.

For now, Steve was so tired. So he put on a pair of boxers and lay down on his side of the bed. He fell asleep quickly, his arm reaching out and squeezing Eddie’s pillow. Even in his sleep, he found comfort in Eddie’s scent, 

A few minutes later, the sound of running water stopped, followed by Eddie quietly re-entering the bedroom. He let out a noise of affection when he saw Steve asleep.

“My poor baby. You must’ve been so tired,” Eddie said, brushing his hand through Steve’s hair. The other man was knocked out cold. “Alright, let’s get some sleep.”

Eddie leaned over and turned off the lamp before settling under the blankets, scooting over and cuddling Steve as the big spoon. He pressed a kiss to Steve’s head of hair as he snored lightly.

“I love you, Stevie, so much. Goodnight and sweet dreams, my darling.”

—

Now that Steve was no longer in denial and had accepted what was happening, he became a little paranoid. He was constantly keeping an eye out for other signs that Eddie was cheating. It probably wasn’t good for his mental health, nor did it make sense, since he planned to not catch Eddie. Still, he was a lot more jumpy than usual, and people were starting to pick up on it. 

“What is with you, dude?” Dustin asked before taking a long lick of his ice cream cone in a giant slurp. Steve grimaced, poking at his scoop of butterscotch much more elegantly. Erica sat on the other side of the picnic bench with Robin. They were heatedly discussing the newest episode of a TV show that had aired last night while going to town on their shared banana split. Neither Dustin nor Steve had watched it, so they were left to have a conversation of their own. 

“What do you mean?” Steve replied shiftily. There’s a bunch of things Dustin could’ve been referring to, and he wasn’t going to give the little genius any more than he had already figured out.

“You’ve just been weird lately.”

“That’s quite descriptive,” Steve teased.

Dustin rolled his eyes. “I just care about you, dude. You know we’re all here for you if you need something, right?”

Steve felt himself smiling. Dustin’s hat was on the picnic table, so his hair was currently free real estate. Steve reached over and ruffled the boy’s hair, Dustin letting out a shout of protest. 

“I love you, man,” Steve said, looking away from Dustin. He was sure his eyes were a little wet, and the moment didn’t need to be more sappy than he was already making it. 

“I love you too, you big softie,” Dustin replied. He nudged Steve affectionately, finishing off his ice cream cone. Steve felt warm. He was suddenly overwhelmed with gratitude and love for Dustin. For Robin, for Erica, for Max, for Lucas, and for the rest of the party. For these people who loved him and he loved in return, regardless of flaws. These people who showed easy affection, who weren’t scared or ashamed to say and show they cared. 

Steve felt that calm, light contentment the rest of the day. It stayed with him as he dropped the kids and Robin off. It stayed as he drove to pick up Eddie for their weekly grocery run. It lasted throughout their chaotic store visit, where the two of them split up to divide and conquer the grocery list. It peaked even when Eddie had passed Steve in the store at one point and said some cheesy romantic line that had Steve smiling bashfully. Steve even let Eddie pick all of the music on the way back, knowing that the happy feeling that had him practically floating wouldn’t be dampened by missing out on Madonna for a day.

When Steve finally pulled into their driveway, he popped the beamer’s trunk and moved to the back of the car on autopilot. He was already thinking about what he wanted to make for dinner that night. They had some broccoli that probably needed to be used soon. He thinks they had some rice left in the pantry. Eddie really liked the cheesy broccoli rice casserole he made last time. They’d probably have enough leftovers that they could bring some for Wayne when they visited that weekend.

Steve was so lost in his thoughts that when he finally peered inside the trunk and started shifting through the grocery bags to give the lighter ones to Eddie, it took a second to process what he was looking at when he finally came across it. 

Inside one of the grocery bags, one that Steve definitely did not remember bagging, was a shit ton of makeup. Steve didn’t know a lot about makeup, only what he’d learned from Robin and Nancy (and now sometimes overheard from Max and El), but he recognized some things.

Mascara, eyeshadow, blush, a bunch of different brushes, and liquid vials. There were some little hairs that looked like false eyelashes and even a scary thing with a handle that Robin sometimes used called an eyelash curler. 

Then, in a flash, Eddie snatched the bag along with the rest sitting in the trunk, overloading his arms with groceries. Steve would have almost found it funny, making some joke about Eddie looking like a pack mule, if it wasn’t for the look of pure panic on Eddie’s face.

“Haha, Stevie,” Eddie chucked awkwardly. “I can’t leave you to do all the work! Otherwise, what kind of boyfriend would I be?”

The look in Eddie’s eyes was screaming for Steve to not say or ask anything. Steve watched as Eddie stumbled inside, hunched down by the weight of the majority of the groceries. Steve called out a halfhearted offer to help, but Eddie was too far away to hear him.

As the door slammed, Steve gave himself a minute. Just one. He took a deep breath. Ignored the way his chest felt tight, how his eyes were wet, how his stomach felt like there was a hole in it. This wasn’t anything he didn’t already know. He was okay yesterday, and he’s okay today. He’ll be okay tomorrow, too. As long as Eddie stays. As long as Eddie doesn’t leave him, too.

When Steve finally headed inside a few minutes later, Eddie was in the middle of putting away groceries. The bag full of makeup was nowhere to be seen. Eddie kept giving Steve guilty little glances, like a dog that had been caught going through the trash. Like he was waiting for Steve to bring it up, to ask.

Steve didn’t.

But he couldn’t help the bitter taste in his mouth at how relieved Eddie seemed about that.

—

“I’m headed out to rehearsal, babe. I’ll see you later!”

Eddie had rushed out of the house, duffel bag slung around his arm and backpack donned across his back. Steve listened as his van started up with its familiar hum and slowly faded away down the street. 

Steve found it a little odd that Eddie and the rest of his bandmates were rehearsing on a Friday night. They used to meet up at Gareth’s weekly on Thursdays, but lately they’ve been meeting up more and more frequently. Maybe it was a sign things were picking up? 

Steve would be happy for them if that were the case. He knew how much Eddie and the guys wanted to get signed, get out there, and get their music heard. Steve knew how hard they all worked, how often Eddie came home with a hoarse voice or split blister. If anyone deserved it, they did.

Steve only hoped that when the day finally came when Corroded Coffin made it big, Eddie wouldn’t leave him behind.

Anyways, Eddie had been hinting that they’d been planning something new lately, but had been quite tight-lipped about what it was. Instead of giving any details, he’d simply invited Steve to their next show.

“You’ll just have to wait and see like everyone else, Stevie,” Eddie had replied cheekily. Steve had grumbled something about boyfriend privileges, but Eddie stubbornly said nothing else. He was able to distract Steve with some sweet kisses and hot cocoa, though. 

Steve smiled to himself, remembering the taste of chocolate and marshmallow on Eddie’s tongue. The way he had looked at Steve, like he was something beautiful and precious. The way Eddie had held him tight, like Steve was something he never wanted to let go of. 

Steve had to stop himself from wondering how much of it was real.

Maybe there was still time to win Eddie back. Maybe if Steve were to learn about this girl, he could become more like her. Become more like what Eddie wanted. He could change for Eddie. He wanted to change for Eddie.

Steve let out a giant sigh, shaking himself out of these thoughts. He had some chores to get done before nightfall, after which he was hanging out with Robin to watch a new movie from France she’d somehow acquired. 

Cleaning, cooking, and chores in general were things Steve had come to enjoy. After doing them for so long, his body fell into them naturally, and it was almost like meditating. His mind was quiet as he folded and put away the laundry. He felt calm as he washed the wishes. He felt grounded as he swept the floor around Eddie’s guitar.

Eddie’s guitar!

Eddie must have forgotten it in his rush to get to rehearsal. He wasn’t usually so scatterbrained, especially when it came to his ‘baby girl’. Steve quickly dialed Eddie’s number. Eddie might have already realized he didn’t have his guitar and turned the guitar around. But if Eddie had already arrived at Gareth’s, Steve wouldn’t mind dropping it off.

After a few rings, the line went to voicemail. Steve frowned, trying to call again. Unless Eddie was at work or in the middle of jamming out and it was too loud, he usually picked up Steve’s calls.

Redialing ended up with the same result.

Huh. Maybe his phone died?

Steve pulled up Gareth in his contact, dialing the number. He could just tell Gareth and Eddie he’d be coming over with his guitar in a few minutes. 

The line picked up with a click. 

“Hey Steve, what can I do for you?” 

Steve scratched his head, a little shy. He was on good terms now with all of Eddie’s friends, but it had taken some time for them to warm up to Steve after he had put in quite a bit of work winning them over. Nowadays, he might even call them his friends, too. It was a nice feeling.

“Hi Gareth! I was wondering if Eddie was there yet for rehearsal? He left behind his guitar, which I’m assuming he needs,” Steve joked. He felt a little awkward when there was silence on the other end. Yee-ouch. The kids have been saying his jokes have been falling flat these days.

“We had rehearsal yesterday, not today. Did you get the days mixed up?”

Steve furrowed his eyebrows, confused. “Oh. You don’t have a rehearsal today? Friday?”

“Nope. Did Eddie think we did? Maybe he got confused about something.”

“Right,” Steve said, his voice coming out a little tight. “Confused.”

Steve went through the rest of the call on autopilot. He sat down on the couch, feeling a little dizzy. He managed to keep it together until the call ended. Once the line dropped, he heard a ragged, wet, painful keening come out of his throat. Tears trickled down involuntarily. He covered his face, clenching his jaw to keep his sobs quiet.

Eddie had been lying to him for weeks. All these times when he’d thought Eddie was at rehearsal, had he been out with that girl? The one who smelled like flowers and wore long sparkly earrings and lacy underwear? The one who Eddie had bought makeup for? Had Eddie been out with her on dates? Been sleeping with her? Had Eddie told her he loved her? Did he love her?

Did he love Steve?

Had Steve already lost Eddie and had no idea? In one moment from the next, had Eddie loved him and then been over him? What had Steve done wrong? What could Steve have done differently?

Steve knew it must have been his fault, not Eddie’s. No, Eddie was wonderful. Eddie was the sun; he was Steve’s star. At some point, Steve must have done something wrong and pushed him away. It was always Steve’s fault. 

If he were smarter, funnier, more confident, less bitchy, more easygoing, less damaged, maybe he would’ve stayed. Could still stay.

Steve needed to clear his head. He threw some shit in a bag and headed to Robin’s early. She opened the door to his tearstreaked face and didn’t ask, just held him and waited. Waited for him to tell her at his own pace. But until then, she’d be there for him. 

Hours later, Eddie came home, sad and confused at the dark and cold house. He worried when he couldn’t get a hold of Steve. Worried even more when his phone wouldn’t patch through to Robin. Felt the panic settle in when Dustin said he had no clue where Steve was. 

And when he had fallen asleep on the couch waiting for Steve to come in, and woken up in the morning by the dawn’s light shining through the living room blinds, hitting his face, Steve was still nowhere to be found. 

—

Steve knew as soon as he woke up, cuddled next to Robin, that he wouldn’t be able to avoid talking about ‘it’ with Eddie much longer.

He should’ve texted or called or left a note, but instead Steve disappeared for a night, and now Eddie was going to be wanting answers. Answers that Steve wasn’t sure their relationship would be able to survive, despite Steve desperately hoping it would.

Steve plugged his dead phone into Robin’s charger. After a few minutes, the screen loaded, then exploded with missed texts and calls. Steve winced as the dings continued to come in, muting the phone and putting it down. Robin rolled over in the bed, wiping her mouth where some drool had slid out. She didn’t say anything, just reached out and held his hand. Steve squeezed, and she squeezed back.

The day passed by lazily, slowly. Steve didn’t want to check his phone. Robin took the initiative of texting everyone back that Steve was at her place and was perfectly fine. And they talked. Not about Eddie, but about other things. About Robin’s Grandma, who was a little sick. About Steve’s childhood imaginary best friend named Sparkles. About how smart Erica was and how she was already throwing Mr. Clark for a loop. About how Will had been coming out of his shell. About how El was thinking about trying out for track. They just talked.

The sun was low in the sky when Robin jumped up and stretched, her back popping. She looked Steve up and down with an appraising look.

“We’re going out,” Robin declared, leaving no room for argument. 

The truth is, Steve would do anything for Robin. Hell, there’s probably been a few times he’s almost died for her. Steve knew Robin would do anything for him, too. Which is why, despite every molecule in his body urging him to stay in bed and take a day to just wallow in misery, Steve sat up, got dressed in the clothes Robin picked for him, let her put a little bit of makeup on his eyes, and fluffed his hair up. 

Looking in the mirror, Steve could admit he looked good. He looked hot. Sexy. Desirable. It’d be nice if he felt that way too.

Then Steve looked away from his hair, his clothes, and met his own eyes. He stared for a few seconds, his brain quiet. 

Sometimes he forgot that he was human, too. That he, too, deserved kindness. While he was desperate for love, craved it even, he shouldn’t have to contort himself to fit what someone else wanted. He had people who loved him, even with his rough edges. Maybe he should work on loving and being a little kinder to himself, too.

Steve needed to talk to Eddie. Even if it would hurt. Even if it would take a long time to heal. 

Robin tugged his arm. “Are you ready to go?”

Steve nodded, grabbing his keys. Robin gave directions, leading them out of Hawkins and quite a ways out of town. Steve teased her a few times about getting lost, but she seemed really determined and confident in where they were going. So Steve let the music fill the quiet, the breeze from the cracked window rustling through his hair. He let himself feel calm and happy.

Finally, they pulled into a parking lot that was packed. Steve had to circle the lot a few times before finding a spot. They peeled themselves out and walked up to the building Robin had pointed to. There was a man at the door who nodded and opened the door for them.

It took about two seconds to realize that Robin had brought Steve to a gay club.

“What is this?” Steve questioned, head swiveling, trying to take everything in. “Where are we?”

Robin smiled. She seemed excited but also a little nervous. “This, my dear Stevie, is a drag show!”

It was probably a little obvious that this was Steve and Robin’s first drag show, the way they were ooh-ing and ahh-ing at all the happenings about them. Steve took a look at some of the outfits the other men were wearing and somehow felt a little underdressed. What was a fitted jean jacket to feather boas and flared sequin pants? 

The drag kings and queens were amazing to watch. Steve had fun watching them perform. But he also felt exhilarated about how confident they were. How much they seemed to glow on stage. At one point, he turned to Robin, the feeling ballooning in his chest and wanting to share it with her, but her smile was just as large and echoed his: pure joy. 

A few performers and songs later, the lights dimmed, a spotlight shining down on the center stage. A familiar tune started up, one from that musical Eddie and Robin had watched with him a dozen times. 

A leg appeared in the spotlight first, wearing a black and white chunky heel, covered in glittering rhinestones. A black webbed garter belt trailed up the leg, topped by a remarkably familiar pair of sparkly black panties as the figure stepped further into view. Fingerless black gloves, a leather corset, and a necklace of pearls nearly completed the ensemble. Despite the face full of powder, ruby red lips, and lined eyebrows, Steve would be able to recognize those brown eyes anywhere. 

Robin let out a gasp at the same time that Steve’s brain put the pieces together.

“Is that-”

“-Eddie,” Steve supplied.

“-as Dr. Frank-N-Furter?” Robin squeezed out, her voice tinged with a mixture of glee and shock.

The next few minutes passed in a blur as Eddie came alive on stage, swaying and swinging about theatrically, lip-syncing the lyrics, and actively awakening something in Steve that he didn’t know was there. 

Steve had seen Eddie perform before with Corroded Coffin, passionate and loud, sweat dripping down his back in a ripped tank top that also made Steve’s heart race. But this was different: Eddie was confident, larger than life. It was like his soul was so big, so bright, his body could barely contain it. 

Eventually, after moments that seemed to last forever but flew by at the same time, Eddie stepped off stage. And as the next performer came on to the opening bars of a Queen song, Steve stood up and started moving towards the front of the room, where the lower floor met the curtain. Robin called after him, but Steve was a man on a mission. Fortunately, the club was so crowded and chaotic that he was able to sneak backstage without a problem.

Unfortunately, backstage was just as, if not more so, rowdy. People were running about, some half-dressed and throwing on clothes. Some people were putting on wigs and doing their makeup. A particularly tall man was holding one ruby red heel, asking around if anyone had seen its pair. Steve wasn’t sure how he was going to find Eddie in this mess.

Thankfully, Eddie found him.

“Stevie? Sweetheart?” 

Steve whirled around and saw Eddie in his Frank-N-Furter, looking at Steve a little nervously. 

“Steve, you never came home last night. I was worr-”

“-I thought you’d been cheating on me,” Steve interrupted, the words surging out of him.

And suddenly, it was as if a dam broke. Steve started crying. Full body-wracking sobs, tears flowing quickly and freely down his face. If he were any less emotional, he’d probably feel a little embarrassed about having a breakdown in the middle of a drag show. As it was, there were already a few people giving Eddie some dirty looks after hearing what Steve said.

Eddie, of course, was panicking. Both at Steve’s words and his tears. Eddie’s hand found Steve’s and pulled. Of course, Steve followed. Eddie guided him away from the crowded area. and through a back door, the crisp night air gave them both a little jolt of energy. 

“What’s going on, Steve?” Eddie asked, his tone and expression serious. 

“I could ask the same of you,” Steve replied, wiping his face and letting out a few pathetic sniffles. He hadn’t wanted to cry in front of Eddie, but the past few minutes had given him whiplash. A small flicker of hope had kindled itself within Steve’s heart, and he was desperately trying to feed the flame.

“I…” Eddie hesitated, looking a little unsure and shy. “I started doing these shows a couple of weeks ago. I was going to tell you, but…” Eddie trailed off, his words seeming to get caught in his throat. Steve waited, patient.

“I think I was just a little embarrassed. Or worried you’d find it weird. I don’t know. I know you’re kind and open and accepting, Steve. But I didn’t want to scare you off. I know this can be a lot. I know I can be a lot.”

Steve felt his fist clench and unclench a few times.

“I’m sorry,” he said, eventually. “That I didn’t make you feel safe enough with me to share this part of you. For making you feel like you had to hide.”

Eddie shook his head, his hands slowly making their way to Steve’s cheeks and wiping the tears that had remained there. “Oh, baby, this wasn’t your fault at all. I think it was all mine, my insecurities. I know you’re safe. I just had to work through some things.”

Steve leaned into one of Eddie’s palms, reaching up his own hand to cup Eddie’s even more firmly to his face.

“Now, can you tell me about what you said in there, sweetheart?”

Steve let out a sigh that sounded a little shaky. “I found an earring in your van.”

Eddie stared at Steve, not saying anything. Steve couldn’t read his expression, so he shut his eyes and pushed on.

“And then I found women’s underwear in our room. And then there was the whole makeup in the car thing-”

“-Oh my god, I knew you saw it”

“-and then you started smelling like flowers and shit, and then you apparently didn’t have band rehearsals on Fridays, according to Gareth…” Steve trailed off, finally opening his eyes and seeing a pained look in Eddie’s eyes.

“Holy shit, Stevie,” Eddie’s voice came out strained. “No, baby, no. I wasn’t, no. I wouldn’t. No, it’s been this,” he gestured at himself, covered in leather and sparkles. Steve had a completely intrusive thought about removing said leather and sparkles that he would deal with later. 

“I’m figuring that out now,” Steve murmured. It was finally coming to him that everything he’d been worried about the past couple of weeks wasn’t real. That Eddie wasn’t leaving, hadn’t chosen someone over Steve. Perhaps could have communicated a bit better, but Steve could have always asked about the earring, or the perfume, or hell, even the panties. Seems like they both had some stuff to work on.

“I love you, Stevie. I’m so sorry if what I did made you doubt that, even for a second.”

Steve tugged Eddie forward until they were both hugging, gripping each other tightly. They rocked back and forth a few times, just holding one another.

“I love you too, Eddie.” Steve took a deep breath, treasuring the scent of pine and smoke. He kissed Eddie’s cheek with a loud, dramatic smooch. Leaning back, there was a small spot of powder gone, most likely now on Steve’s mouth.

Eddie laughed, wiping Steve’s lips with his thumb. “You took a little piece of me with you,” he joked. 

“I’ll take more of you, too, later,” Steve said, voice a low and throaty. Eddie raised his eyebrows, a little surprised but also a little pleased.

“Does this look do it for you, baby?” 

“Eddie, you literally look like sex-on-legs right now, and I just watched you grind on stage for five minutes.”

Eddie laughed, a light, twinkling thing that Steve wanted to capture in a jar and look at on rainy days. 

But Steve didn’t have to capture anything of Eddie’s. Because Eddie would always be around for Steve. Eddie loved him, and he was here to stay.