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There were places that Ten fell in love with such as Tokyo and Bangkok. There were also people that he fell in love with such as Yuta and a girl that had been his first love. Ten loved her a little more than she loved him. Ten loved Yuta a little less than Yuta loved him. He felt bad after leaving Tokyo and Bangkok behind. He left behind places and people he had loved. He left behind a place that he called home to do greater things. Ten loved Bangkok and the girl he left behind, but there was more to the world than the safety net that is home. Then there was Tokyo, where he fell in love with the cherry blossoms that grew every spring. Ten fell in love with the way Yuta would tell him stories about Osaka. He loved Yuta, but not as much as Yuta loved him.
But love comes and goes. It happens to everyone. Love disappears like baby teeth, a piece of him that he thought he needed disappears. It disappears slowly, and he notices along the way. He’s scared though. He’s scared that he’ll fall in love with Seoul. He’s scared that he’ll fall out of love with Seoul just like Tokyo and Bangkok. He’s scared of leaving behind a place that he had once loved. He’s afraid of loving someone much like Yuta and his first love. He’s afraid that Seoul won’t love him back. Leaving behind Bangkok and Tokyo wasn’t as hard as leaving behind the ones that he once loved.
Ten watches as Yuta stands in the background as their group of friends sends him off. He doesn’t look back as he boards the plane. He’s afraid if he’ll look back he’ll want to tell Yuta how sorry he is. He keeps walking forward. It’s time for him to move on.
The first thing he notices about Seoul is that it’s similar to Tokyo and Bangkok. The air is different, but he’ll get used to it. Seoul welcomes him with warm arms and it’s similar to the way Tokyo did. He wonders if Seoul will love him back like Tokyo and Bangkok did. It’s busy, and he starts to find similarities. He’s hesitant on falling in love with Seoul. Seoul is the city of dreams, and he wonders if it’s true. He decides that Seoul is not much different from the places he loved.
It takes him a total of two weeks to fall in love with Seoul. He falls in love with bright lights during the night, with the Han River, and with the small alley ways. He falls in love with the summer rain that comes weeks after he arrives. He’s in love and wonders how long it will last. He’s made friends such as Mark, Jaehyun, Doyoung, and Taeyong. He gets a job at a café not too far from a studio he is renting. He’s fallen in love with the city of Seoul.
“Ten, we’re having a little get together later. Are you coming?” Doyoung asks.
“Can’t, I have to do something at the studio after work,” he answers.
“Please?” Mark begs.
He can’t say no to Mark. He groans and agrees to tag along. What Doyoung didn’t tell him is that they are going to a little town out of the city. He wants to punch Doyoung, hard. Taeyong tells him that it’s a nice town. He doesn’t want to believe it. He shakes his head, but still goes with them anyway. He watches as Seoul gets smaller behind them. Ten briefly wonders if this is what Yuta felt like when he left. He doesn’t feel sad though because he knows that he’s going back to his love.
When they get to the little town, they stop at a little store and buy drinks and snacks. Everyone is excited for their night away. The weather is not too hot and not too cold, just right. They walk to the little house that they are staying at for the night. He wasn’t informed that he was staying the night. He wants to ask questions, but he doesn’t want to ruin the fun. He keeps it to himself. He longs for his love of Seoul.
After drinking and having fun, he realises how scared he is of falling in love with someone again. He’s scared of hurting someone. His mother once told him that love comes when it wants and love leaves when it must leave. He let's her words ruminate within him. He takes a deep breath and decides to sleep. In the morning, they will be back in Seoul and Ten will be welcomed with loving arms. He tosses and turns, but eventually sleeps. He dreams of warm summer nights and jogs along the Han River. He dreams of soft piano melodies and hands that hold his.
They leave for Seoul the next morning and Ten feels like he's being reunited with a lover. In a way, he is. He’s going back to a love that loves him back. He leaves his friends to go to his studio. He walks upstairs, and he can faintly hear a soft piano melody. He keeps walking up the stairs only to find out that the music is coming from his studio. He stops in front of his studio and hesitates to go inside. He does anyway. He watches quietly. The music stops and the person playing the piano looks up at him.
“I’m sorry. I didn't expect someone to be here,” the guy says.
“Um, this is my studio though. I’m renting it for the time being,” he states.
“The lady that owns the place told me that this is the only one with a piano in it,” the other male says.
“I’m pretty sure there has to be other studios here with pianos in them,” Ten replies.
“I’ve checked already. There isn’t any. This is the only one,” the brunette states.
Ten groans. This is not happening, he thinks. He’s been renting this studio since he’s started living here. He doesn’t want to move to another studio because all of the others are booked most of the time, and this one is the only one with a good sound system. He wonders if they can work out a schedule.
“Can we work out a schedule?” Ten questions.
“I guess that can work. When do you work?” the guy asks.
Ten and the piano guy work out a schedule. Ten gets the studio every other day, starting from Monday. He also gets it at midnight on until he goes home. The piano guy gets the studio from Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. On Sunday, the studios are closed so it just makes it even for them. He still doesn’t know the piano guy's name, and he wonders if it is actually worth it to ask. He doesn’t though. He waits until the guy leaves so he can dance. He watches the guy pack up his notebook. Ten walks over to the stereo system and plugs in his phone, setting up the song he’s going to dance to. He warms up and stretches. Once the guy leaves, he starts dancing. He doesn’t stop dancing until three in the afternoon. He collapses on the floor and stares at the ceiling. He remembers how he fell in love with dance. He remembers that he hasn’t fallen out of love with dance. He gets off the floor and locks up for the day. He walks around the neighborhood and falls more in love with Seoul.
It takes three days for Ten to learn the name of the piano guy. It’s a normal night, right after work while he’s on his way to the studio. He can feel the air changing and the weather starts to change. Rain drops start to fall and he rushes to the studio. He goes inside and the piano guy is still there. He sits on floor listening to the guy playing the piano. He can feel the sadness in the music. He doesn’t talk, only listens.
“Oh, you’re here,” the guy says.
“Yeah, it’s just started raining, so if you want you can stay,” Ten says.
“Would that be okay?” the brunette asks.
“Yeah, it’ll be fine,” he answers.
“Johnny, my name is Johnny,” the piano guy states.
“Ten,” he says.
One night turns into two then three, then nights turn into days. Soon enough Ten sees Johnny most of the week. He learns a lot about the other male such as the brunette is from the States, and that the brunette moved to Seoul to see what he was missing.
Days and nights turn into weeks and Ten is falling in love with Johnny. It shouldn't have happened. He’s scared of hurting Johnny. He’s scared of the consequences. He’s scared that he’ll fall out of love with Johnny. He’s afraid of loving him a little too much or not enough. He can’t stay away though. He gets drawn closer to Johnny and it frightens him.
One night, they are sitting side by side in the studio. There is soft music playing on the background. Ten’s heart is beating fast. Their thighs are touching and he’s getting hot. He takes a deep breath. “What made you come to Seoul?” Johnny asked. There's no real answer to that question or maybe there is and he just doesn't want to say it. Maybe he’s in Seoul because he ran away from love. He wasn’t ready for something so serious.
“I wanted to travel. I’ve been to Tokyo before here,” he answers.
“How was Tokyo? “ the elder asks.
“Beautiful. It was nice. I fell in love with Tokyo. I fell in love with the cherry blossoms,” Ten replies.
“Did you find love there?” the brunette questions.
“I did,” the dancer says.
Johnny hums in reply. Ten can feel the butterflies in his stomach. He can feel the nervousness sink in. Everything is happening all over again. Everything that he went through with Yuta is happening. Everything that he wants is right next to him. Johnny is the epitome of love and Ten wants, needs it. He’s afraid, terrified.
“What were they like?” Johnny asks.
“They were beautiful. They were everything that I’ve ever wanted. They were cherry blossoms in the springtime. They were wonderful,” Ten answers.
“Did they love you back?” the elder questions.
“More than I loved them,” he says quietly.
“But you still loved,” the brunette states.
“I’m sorry. We shouldn’t be talking about this,” says Ten.
“No, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have brought it up,” Johnny apologizes.
Ten doesn’t answer. He doesn’t know what to say. He stares at his reflection in the mirror. He wonders where and when he started to fall in love with Johnny. He wonders if it would be worth it in the end. He wonders if he’ll fall out of love with Seoul and Johnny just like he did with the others. His mother once told him that it’s okay to fall out of love, that it’s okay to love. She told him that love isn’t going to be the same each time. He knows this.
He gets up and changes the song. He plays a love song and starts dancing. He doesn’t care that Johnny is in the room, watching him. It doesn’t matter. He moves fluidly and turns graciously. He lets himself express love in the only way he knows how. ‘All of me loves all of you.’ Ten’s movements are sharp. He makes up moves as the song continues, but he never stops dancing. He lets himself get lost in the song. He stops when the music changes. He’s out of breath and sweaty. He hears clapping and he’s brought back to reality. Johnny smiles softly at him and he falls a little more.
“That was great!” the brunette exclaims.
Ten hums as an answers, unsure whether words would come out of his mouth. He smiles softly and wipes the sweat off his forehead. He grabs his water bottle and takes a few sips. He looks at the clock and it’s way past midnight and he needs to get home soon. He tells Johnny that he has to go. Johnny tells him to get home safely. He leaves the studio and heads home. He goes home with a smile on his face and a little more in love with Johnny.
When Ten introduces Johnny to his friends, it is nothing but smooth sailing. The elder male fits in perfectly. Johnny banters with Taeyong, jokes with Doyoung, teases Jaehyun and dotes on Mark. It's perfect and Ten's happy. He’s happy that his friends like Johnny. But his conscious gets the best of him. He's practically afraid of the future. His heart is thumping into his ribcage, ready to burst any given second. He needs to give his emotions a stern talking to, tie them down to a chair and tell them he's in charge, not them. He tells his heart to calm down.
He’s lying on the couch, face down, head propped on his arms. He thinks about his first love and how much they loved each other. It was puppy love really. But like Johnny said it was still love. He remembers Yuta and his soft smiles. Yuta rarely cried, but he remembers the night he told the other male he was leaving and that meant they were breaking up. He remembers Yuta’s broken sobs, and it hurts. He’s not ready for that to happen again. He doesn’t like hurting others. He thinks of Johnny and how the elder male is beautiful and perfect. He thinks of how telling the brunette that he’s in love with him will change things. He sighs.
“Are you going to tell him?” Taeyong asks.
“Tell who what?” Ten answers.
“Johnny. Are you going tell him that you love him?” the elder questions.
“I don’t love him though,” he lies.
“You should tell him before it’s too late,” Taeyong states.
Ten shakes his head. He simply can’t tell Johnny. He’s too scared. None of it’s going to matter when he falls out of love with Seoul. He’ll move on, just like with the others. He’ll go somewhere else, maybe the states, maybe China. He’ll fall in love with someone else, the same way he fell in love with his first love and Yuta. He’ll then fall out of love and then continue to move on. He’ll see too many crying faces and too many airport goodbyes. He will let this pass until he falls out of love with Seoul.
But love never goes and it stays. It stays for a while. Ten still loves Seoul and Johnny. Ten wants to tell Johnny that he’s in love with him. He wants to tell the elder male how scared he is. He wants to, but He’s holding himself back. He tells Taeyong that he’s going to the studio. The elder male tells him that he’s going out with Hansol later. He hums as an answer and walks out the door. The walk to the studio is short, and he hopes that Johnny isn't there. He doesn’t need to deal with him right now.
He walks up the stairs and can hear the soft piano music coming from the studio. He opens the door and the elder male is sitting at the piano. Johnny’s fingers gracefully hit the piano keys. And Ten knows this song. He’s danced to it a few times. He watches as Johnny’s slender fingers dance along the black and white keys.
Ten can faintly hear the elder male singing along. He starts to dance along. He leaps across the floor, landing then turning smoothly. He jumps once more, landing safely. The piano stops and so does he. He stares at the brunette. Johnny smiles softly at him. That simple action sends his heart into a frenzy. He wants to tell the elder male right then and there. He doesn’t. He says hi and takes a sip from his water bottle.
“What was that?” Johnny asks.
“The dance? I danced to that song for a showcase last year. The piano player asked me and so that's how it came to be,” he answers.
“It's not your usual style,” the brunette states.
“You noticed,” he says.
“I notice a lot of things such as how Mark thinks he can get away with everything or how Taeyong is in love with Hansol. Don't underestimate me,” the elder replies.
Ten want to ask what he knows about him. He wants to know how much Johnny knows. He wonders if it would be worth it. He doesn’t get to ask. Johnny starts to play be the piano again. This time it's something he doesn’t know. He listens and watches. He sits on the hardwood floor, just listening. He closes his eyes and memories of leaving Yuta at the airport flood in. There are tears running down his cheeks, and the piano music makes it worse. Within a matter of seconds there are soft hands cupping his face. The music stopped a few minutes ago, and he didn't realize it. He lets Johnny wipe away his tears before pulling away.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers.
“Ten,” Johnny says softly.
“I need to go,” he states.
Ten quickly grabs his things and runs out of the studio. He can’t do this. He needs to leave. He needs to be far away as possible. He can’t do this. He runs to the apartment and stops when he’s in front of the door. He unlocks the door with shaking hands. Taeyong is gone meaning he’s home alone. He goes to his room and starts packing. He pulls clothes out of the dresser and throws it into his luggage. He tosses clothes on his bed. He’ll fix it later. He panicked and he knows this. (He was getting too comfortable. He was so close to telling Johnny the truth.) This hasn't happened before. It's scary. He’s afraid. He pulls clothes out of his closet and throws them on the bed as well.
“What are you doing?” Taeyong asks.
“I need to leave! I need to go!” he exclaims.
“And go where Ten?” the elder questions.
“I don’t know. I just need to go. I can't stay here,” he answers.
“Tae-,” Hansol says.
“Can you give us a few minutes Hansol?” Taeyong asks.
“Uh yeah, I’ll just wait in the living room,” the other male says.
Ten is putting more things into his luggage, trying to squeeze everything in there. He runs a hand through his hair. He’s in panic mode. He needs to leave. He takes a deep breath and then exhales. Breathe, Ten tells himself. Taeyong grabs his wrist to stop him. He yanks his arm to get out of the elder male’s hold.
“Ten stop!” Taeyong exclaims.
“Let me go please. Just let me go,” he begged.
“Ten, what about Johnny?” the elder asks.
“I don’t like him,” he lies.
“Liar,” states Taeyong.
Ten stares at his luggage. Everything's a mess. He feels tears in the corners of his eyes. He’s so scared of telling Johnny the truth that he’s in love with him. Because he knows that some day he’ll fall out of love and then hurt Johnny in the process. He doesn’t want to hurt Johnny. The elder male doesn’t deserve someone like him, someone that will leave the moment he falls out of love. Johnny deserves better, and not him. Tears are falling down his cheeks and hitting his clothes that are sitting before him. He wipes them away with the heel of his hands.
A soft hand grabs his wrist to stop him. He knows that it’s not Taeyong’s hand. He turns his head and Johnny is standing behind him, a warm hand holding his wrist softly. He wants to pull his wrist away, take it away from the elder male. He wants to know what he’s doing here. Johnny can’t see him like this.
“What are you doing here?” he asks.
“Hansol called me, and told me that you needed to see me,” the elder answered.
“I don’t need to see you. You can leave now,” he answers.
And Ten knows how harsh he sounded. He knows that he does want to see the brunette. He wants to see the elder male, and spend more time with him. He wants to simply be with Johnny. But there’s a nagging voice in the back of his head, telling him to push the other male away, to make him believe that he doesn’t need him. He can feel his heartbeat speeding up ready to break his ribcage and rip through his chest. He rips his wrist away from Johnny’s hold. Tears are still falling down his cheeks and he feels so pathetic. He is pathetic. The thought of leaving sounds good right now.
“What are you so afraid of? Why are you running away?” Johnny asks.
“I’m not,” he lies.
“Yes you are. We both know this,” the elder answers.
“I’m not,” he chokes out.
“You’re running away, just like you did in Japan,” the brunette states.
“You don’t know anything that happened in Japan!” he exclaims.
He can feel Johnny’s arm wrap around him, holding him tightly. He tries to push the other male away, but he can’t. He crumbles within the elder male’s hold. His heart is beating faster than it was before, and he hopes that Johnny can’t feel it. “Stay,” Johnny says softly. He can’t and he shouldn’t. If he stays then there’s a possibility of hurting the other male. If he goes, then he’s definitely going to hurt the other male and the rest of his friends. Either way is bad to him.
“Stay here, with me, with everyone else,” Johnny whispers.
“Just please let me go, please,” he chokes out.
“Ten,” the elder male says.
“I’m sorry,” he says softly.
Johnny lets go of him. He wipes away his tears with the heels of his hands. It feels like time has stopped. He’s going to leave. He doesn’t know where he’ll go, but he’s going. He continues to pack everything in his room. He folds clothes and puts them in his suitcase. “Please don’t leave,” the brunette begs. Ten’s heart aches. He can’t do this. He can’t. He has to leave. Before its too late, before he falls even harder, before he falls out of love.
“I have to leave. I need to leave,” he says barely above a whisper.
“You’re running away,” the elder answers.
“So what if I am?” he asks.
“Running away isn’t going to fix anything. It’s not going to make anyone happy, not you or anyone of our friends, and definitely not me. So stay Ten,” the brunette states.
Ten turns around to face the elder male. He looks at him and his heart is beating faster. The brunette looks disheveled and a mess. Johnny looks like he ran all the way here, and maybe he has. He’s not quite sure why he’s noticing this right now. He knows that running away isn’t going to make anything better. He’s the master at running away and everyone knows it. He’s running away from falling in love and falling out of love. He’s afraid of love and hurting the ones he loves or had once loved. But it’s too late to fix that. It’s too late to try and fix anything.
“I’m scared. I’m scared of falling out of love. I’m scared that this city, that the people here will no longer love me. I’m afraid that I’ll hurt you,” he admits.
It feels like a weight has been lifted off his chest. He can breathe a bit better now. Johnny is staring at him. He looks at his feet, hoping that the elder male says something, anything to break the silence. His mind floats back to a memory of his mother telling him that love will stay why you decided to leave. He remembers his mother running her fingers through his hair and whispering these words to him while he lays in her arms. Soft humming fills his room. Ten looks up and Johnny is humming a song that he knows very well.
“You won’t hurt me. I won’t let you,” the brunette says.
And he wants to believe the other male. Johnny takes a few steps forward, their chests are touching. Their breaths are the only thing heard from the room. Ten can feel Johnny’s chest rise and fall. He can feel the speeding heart beat, which may be his or not. He looks at the brunette in the eyes. Johnny cups his cheek and rubs his cheekbone with his thumb. He doesn’t want to run away. He wants to stay here, with Johnny and his friends. He’s scared, but the elder male isn’t making him want to run away. The taller male leans down and kisses him on the lips. Its was nothing more than a peck on the lips. Ten wants more, craves more. “Stay,” Johnny whispers. Ten kisses him back. He leans up and kissed the elder male on the lips, and the other male kisses him back. When Ten’s lung burns, he backs away. “Stay here,” the taller male says softly.
And Ten does stay. He still lives with Taeyong, working at the same place, and still dancing. He falls in love with Seoul even more. He falls in love with Johnny even more. He loves Johnny as much as Johnny loves him. And he doesn’t think he’ll fall out of love any time soon.