Work Text:
Recording: Day 1
Hey, Rocky. By the time you’ll get this, it will be obvious but, just in case…I’m coming to get you! I’ve done all the calculations and it’s possible. I can find you and get you home to Erid with just enough fuel left-over to stop at a nearby planet for milkshakes.
Kidding.
About the milkshakes, anyway. I’m not joking about saving you though. That’s the least I can do.
See you in 56 days, buddy.
Recording: Day 4
I was going to leave that first recording as my only message. It would be so mysterious that way, especially if someone else stumbled across it. They’d say things like “woah who is this guy” and “dang I wonder if he made it to Rocky?” and “probably, because he seems like a very cool scientist.”
Except…
It took all of three days for the nerves and heroism to wear off and now I’m bored. Like, are we there yet, amiright?
[Grace gives an awkward chuckle]
And to get ahead of it, no. NASA, you can’t use these recordings publicly. If I make any more of them — and I hopefully will get back on my mysterious stranger approach soon, so I might not have many more videos — but if I do make more, they’re exclusively for my colleague and good friend, Rocky.
[…]
And his spouse, Adrian, I guess.
Recording: Day 7
Captain’s log, day seven.
Nope. That feels weird. Not doing that again.
Anyway, what I was building up to say is that I’m officially one week into the journey and I forgot how lonely space is when you’re the only one around.
That’s really why I’m going back for you, Rock. On top of saving Erid, I think I’d get too bored on the journey back to Earth if I had to do it solo. It’s already bumming me out to see all your little empty enclosures. So this is a win-win for both of us.
Recording: Day 9
Okay, if you end up seeing this video, you’re not allowed to say anything about it, but I think I might be losing it a little. Last night, while I was falling asleep, I swear I could feel a…uh. A warmth in bed with me.
And I know what you’re probably thinking, you hopeless romantic. That I’d imagined my old mate in bed with me, same as how you’d think of Adrian. And that’s cool of you, really, but I don’t think I ever really missed her on Earth, much less here in space. We can unpack whatever that means later, that’s not the point of this video.
And, no, I can already guess your second question and I did not leak in bed. I regret telling you that it was possible for Earth’s young to do that.
Anyway. Why am I telling you this? I dunno. I guess I just miss having someone to talk to. Mary’s nice—
Hello, Doctor Ryland Grace
Jiminy Crickets! Mary, you gotta stop doing that!
What was I saying? Oh, right. I miscalculated how much I’d miss having someone else along for the ride. So hang in there, buddy. I’m coming for you. Even if I might be a little bananas by the time I show up.
Recording: Day 10
But it’s weird, right? That I keep imagining warmth on the bed?
I’ve been racking my brain trying to come up with a possible reason for this. Some delayed reaction to the stuff they put me on to survive the journey into space? A slightly less delayed reaction to all the Astrophage and Taumoeba we’ve been working on? Or maybe it’s just a pretty standard astronaut thing that we humans didn’t know about because nobody’s been this far out into space before.
I guess as far as going crazy goes, this isn’t too bad. Heck, if I—if I’m being honest, Rock, it’s kind of nice to feel like there’s something there to watch me sleep.
Yeah, yeah, I can see you getting smug about it, stop doing that little wiggle.
Recording: Day 11
[Grace is seated by one of Rocky’s pods, quilt draped around his shoulders, laptop open]
I know I was reading this to you as a bedtime story, but I got ahead. And then I felt bad about reading ahead, so I’m gonna pretend you’re in here and start reading out loud again.
Oh. To catch you up. The hobbits came across a Black Rider, who is a creepy, hooded guy on a horse. He’s bad bad bad. Don’t worry, they manage to get away for now. They’re all fine.
Alright, here we go:
“After a time, as the stars grew thicker and brighter, the feeling of disquiet left them and they no longer listened for the sound of hooves. They began to hum softly — as hobbits have a way of doing as they walk along, especially as they are drawing near to home at night.
With most hobbits, it is a supper song or a bed-song, but these hobbits hummed a walking song, though not, of course, without any mention of supper or bed. Bilbo Baggins had made the words to a tune that was as old as the hills and taught it to Frodo as they walked in the lanes of the water valley and talked about adventure.”
And we can just skip the song.
Yeah, I can hear you asking Grace sing, question. No, Rock, this is different from karaoke.
I know they just said it was a song, but this is different because it’s a book—
I don’t know, it’s just different?
Ugh. Fine. But if my tune is accidentally Eridian swear words that’s on you for asking.
[Grace averts his eyes, almost shyly. At first, the singing is little more than a hum. Then a mumble. Then, finally, he gets into it, rough voice rumbling out an approximation of a lullaby.]
Home is behind, the world ahead,
And there are many paths to tread
Through shadows to the edge of night,
Until the stars are all alight.
Then world behind and home ahead,
We'll wander back to home and bed.
[Grace trails off, song stuttering to an abrupt close as he coughs.]
I think that’s gonna be all from the story tonight. I’ll record more for you tomorrow, though.
’Night, Rock.
Recording: Day 13
[camera pressed close, Grace at a hoarse whisper]
Rocky, I think I heard something. Some sort of little thump thump thump. Like…hold on…
[Grace adjusts the camera, pointing it down the dimly lit, entirely empty lab. Silence falls, save for Grace’s ragged breathing.]
Sure, yeah. Of course it would stop the second I turn on a camera. I can already hear you asking “Grace stupid, question” “Grace sleep enough, question” blah blah blah. Fine, yeah, I was up too long. There’s a lot to think about, y’know. Worrying about Erid and Earth and…I mean, I don’t regret my choice to turn around but I’m—
[camera dips, pointing at Grace’s socks]
Sorry, I shoulda just stopped at ‘I don’t regret my choice.’ Cuz that’s all that matters. I’m gonna try to get some sleep. Hope you’re sleeping okay too, buddy.
Recording: Day 14
This is unrelated to the maybe-presence on the ship, but have you happened to have seen my red marker?
I know you haven’t. Or, if you have, by the time you’re listening to these logs it won’t matter but it’s driving me crazy that there’s nobody to ask but Mary—
Good morning, Doctor Grace
Cheese and crackers, Mary! Why!
Anyway, I guess it never hurts to ask you. If you’ve seen the marker, lemme know.
Recording: Day 16
I was doing laundry when I heard it again. The small thumps. I think it might be footsteps, but I’m not even gonna bother trying to record the noise because we both know it’ll just stop again and I’ll have egg on my face.
[…]
Not literally. That’s another Earth expression, it means I’ll be embarrassed.
Okay, I am a bit embarrassed. Only two weeks into the most monumental voyage for all of mankind and I’m already stuck imagining warm spots on the bed and footsteps around the ship, like I’m being haunted by the universe’s most particular ghost.
[heavy sigh]
Sorry if I’m real weird by the time we meet back up.
Recording: Day 17
I used to tell my students that a lot of things are scarier than they need to be because we tell stories about them instead of doing science on them. Take astrophage! That was our first contact with life in the universe and we met it because those little dots are killing our source of survival.
Some people on Earth didn’t really care about getting to know what astrophage was, they just skipped straight to stories. Punishment from God, malicious attack, secret government op, whatever. And I know what we learned about astrophage made it scary, but it couldn’t have been worse than whatever those stories cooked up.
Except now I’m a great big hypocrite, I’m telling stories about whatever is on the ship with me. See? I just did it again, acting like there’s something on the ship with me. There’s nothing on the ship with me.
Probably.
Recording: Day 18
Do I think it’s a ghost? No.
Do I think it’s not a ghost? Also no.
Do I know what a ghost’s favorite food would be? Yes. Boo-berries.
[…]
This one used to get a groan out of my students, but now that I think of it, I’m not sure if that joke will land with you. It’s a play on words, because blueberries, which are a food here on Earth, and boo, which is I guess a ghost thing? Actually, I don’t know why that’s a ghost thing—
I’m getting off track. The point is. Let’s just say, for the sake of argument, that there is a mysterious something, like a ghost, on the ship. I can track that! With science! Do experiments like they do in John Carpenter’s The Thing.
Actually, maybe I should rewatch The Thing.
Recording: Day 18 [Later]
Nope. Shouldn’t have rewatched The Thing.
Recording: Day 19
[Grace’s glasses dangle precariously, revealing dark bags under his eyes]
Note to self, if you’re in an isolated enclosure in a great cold expanse and mildly concerned about an unknown presence in your habitat: don’t queue up a scary movie with the same premise.
Fortunately, the best cure for a bad scare is…drum roll…
[The frame shakes as he briefly drums his hands against the camera, before thinking better of it and drumming against his thighs instead]
Science! So welcome to Day One of tracking the weirdness around the ship! I don’t wanna think too hard about the fact that, as the primary scientist of this ship, it has taken me almost three weeks to come to that basic conclusion.
I just saved Earth, and I’m en route to save Erid, so I think I get a pass.
Anyway. Tracking. Before I go making baseless hypotheses about ghosts, or something worse, I need good, solid data. I’ve decided to set up heat-sensors near my bed to chart temperature fluctuations while I sleep. If there really is something heating up the foot of my bed, I want to know how large an area and how much of a heat increase.
I’ve also got a few motion sensors I can place in general passageways throughout the ship, which will let me know if the footstep sounds have any real weight behind them. If I catch motion somewhere, I’ll set up a microphone to record the sound properly.
All the while, I’ll be tracking my own personal encounters on whiteboards. Wish I had the red marker handy, but an astronaut must make due with what he has.
Speaking of which: I’ve been making an assessment of my food situation. Since I’m going back to Erid, I need to be a little more careful about what I eat. Anyway, you’re not gonna believe what they tucked away for Yao. I can’t believe I missed these when I first dug through the available rations. They’re — hold on —
[Grace rummages in a pocket and withdraws several distinct lollipops, which he holds up to the camera]
They’ve got bugs in them! Like this one, right here—
[Grace points to one pop]
Literally a tiny scorpion. Pretty sure I’d rather die than eat one of these. Which. Well. Would have been an option if I hadn’t met you.
[Grace’s gaze softens, though his eyes remain fixed on the candy]
Of course I’m happy I probably saved my planet. But sometimes, Rock, I think I’m happier I got to—
[He clears his throat abruptly]
It’s getting late. And you’re always getting on me about getting enough sleep so.
[Grace salutes with the lollipops]
This early bedtime’s for you. G’night, Rocky.
Recording: Day 20
You know what I miss? Ice cream.
Like, not to knock the good food scientists back on Earth, but this?
[Grace unwraps a bar of freeze dried ice cream]
This just answers the question ‘what if ice cream was crunchy?”
And let me tell you, Rock, they already answered that question. It’s called a waffle cone. I know we saved the world and all, but science might have actually peaked with the invention of a waffle cone.
Gosh, I could really go for a waffle cone.
Recording: Day 23
[Grace sits on the floor, surrounded by various sensors]
I have good news and bad news. Good news:
[He waves a hand. The sensors light up, registering heat and sound]
The sensors work.
Bad news: they haven’t picked up anything but me for the last five days. Which is a problem because—
[Grace reaches off screen, retrieving a white board, which is covered in notes]
I’ve logged plenty of experiences with the mysterious presence. It’s smaller than you, I think, and I mostly hear it around at night, after I’m done with all my chores. It’s warm, prefers the foot of my bed or the bottom of my chair, and uh.
I guess I don’t mind it? Don’t get me wrong, current hypothesis is still ‘Grace is losing his mind’ but I’m a sucker for the underdog.
Maybe this will be a ghost.
Recording: Day 26
I’m bored again, so I’m pulling out one of my favorite games for a rowdy class: Would You Rather.
Like…would you rather be stuck on a ship with me or see Adrian right now?
That one’s too easy. I’d rather you saw Adrian right now too. I wanna meet them. Ask about your eating habits, like are you really THAT polite of an eater?
But we’re getting distracted before the game’s even started. Would you rather meet Meryl Streep or Dolly Parton?
I know, right? She’s a national treasure.
Would you rather be stuck in a small ball, but visit more places in it, or in a bigger ball where you can walk more freely, but can’t leave the area?
I dunno. I mean, I see why you’d say small ball, but I just can’t help but think of a hamster. What’s a hamster? Oh, hold on one second…
[Grace cracks open a laptop, keys clacking. He turns the screen to show a video of a hamster running around in a little pink ball.]
No, I don’t think of you as a hamster.
Although…
Alright! Alright! I was kidding. I think you look very cool. And since you’re the only one here who’s built themself an atmosphere-safe pod, I think it’s actually impossible to tease you about it.
Back to questions. If you visited Earth, would you rather see a lake or a volcano?
Nope, that’s a trick question, Rock. Going to a volcano feels like it would be WAY too close to what you’re used to at home. It’s like the equivalent of going somewhere new and just eating at McDonalds. You can do better than that.
If I was taking you somewhere on Earth, I’d take you to see the Redwoods.They’re these huge trees. Hundreds of feet tall, so big that you can’t really feel it until you’re under one. And they’re old, too. I’m talking hundreds, sometimes thousands, of years. Though I guess the trees might feel young to you, with your lifespan.
So maybe I’d take you to the Pacific coast. Hopefully on a cold day. Granted, I’d be giving you a skewed perspective of the ideal beach experience, because most humans prefer the beach when it’s warm and sunny. But, I dunno, I guess there’s something comforting to me about the fog. Like the sky’s laid out a comforter for me.
Okay, enough about Earth, let’s talk about Erid. Where would I want to visit? Oh, I dunno, do you guys have a McDonalds?
Recording: Day 27
[Grace’s glasses dangle from one ear. He has lab goggles strapped to his face]
Got bored.
Decided to test my blood just to see if I had any weird things going on.
I don’t.
Recording: Day 28
I gave the ghost-sensing tests another five days to percolate. Still no dice, even though I’m still sensing the ghost with my own senses.
Sure, hypothesis number one “Grace is losing his marbles” is the most likely but there’s always a chance that “Grace has collected a ghost” is on the books, and the reason it’s not recorded is ghosts don’t trigger recording equipment. Or maybe Mary’s just sabotaging me.
Invalid command, Dr. Grace
[Grace cups a hand, whispering into the camera]
See what I mean? I’m starting to think she’s gotten attached and wants me all to herself.
Recording: Day 31
So what if I’m being haunted? Lots of guys have been haunted. That guy from Shakespeare. That guy from Christmas Carol. Luke Skywalker.
Also, I realized there’s definitely a case for a haunting. Yao and Ilyukhina literally died on board and they probably have some thoughts about me and my choices.
Did your friends ever haunt you? Probably not. You’ve always made Erid proud.
Recording: Day 32
You probably would have liked my crewmates.
I keep remembering bits and pieces of them, which sucks because I miss them more now.
Yao was always looking out for people. He loved his family and he obviously loved the planet, but I’m pretty sure he would have gone on the Hail Mary mission even if it meant just saving one person. He wouldn’t have hesitated to turn the ship around to save you. He never hesitated to do anything.
And Ilyukhina? She was so funny that she could make anything less scary. It’s pretty easy to make me laugh, but Ilyukhina could make my chest hurt from how hard I laughed. I bet she would have figured out your humor by the end of the first day, she’d be able to make jokes in like half Eridian that would have you doing whatever the Eridian equivalent of crying laughing is.
I don’t wanna get self-depricating. As far as humans go, I’m definitely not the worst person you could have met. But as far as this crew goes? I dunno, Rock.
Recording: Day 33
[Grace sits with his back against Rocky’s orb, reading from his laptop]
“Low upon the edge of sight, shoulders of the mountains glinted red upon either side. The smoke seemed to rise up and darken the sun’s disc to the hue of blood as if it had kindled the grass as it passed down under the rim of Earth.”
[Grace attempts to differentiate the dialogue with not much success]
‘There lies the gap of Rohan,’ said Gandalf. ‘It is now almost due west of us. That way lies Isengard.’
‘I see a great smoke,’ said Legolas, ‘What may that be?’
‘Battle and war,’ said Gandalf. ‘Ride on!’”
[Grace looks up at the camera, closing his laptop]
Chapter’s over for today. No, no stop that Grace read more, question. I already told you, one chapter a day. Lord of the Rings is long but not that long, and we’ve got a long way to go to get you home.
[He opens and closes his mouth, as though the form of that final word was foreign to him.]
Recording: Day 35
[Grace’s eyes are rimmed red and underscored by dark bags. He’s moved his bed into the lab, pressed next to Rocky’s empty enclosure.]
Been thinking about how it would have gone if I was at Adrian alone, and I’m just really glad I met you. If it had just been me out here…
[His focus shifts to the edge of his mattress, which he stares at with dazed confusion for a moment before grabbing the camera to film the empty mattress edge]
I know you can’t see it, but the ghost’s back. Maybe it misses you too.
[Grace grabs the camera again, this time settling it on the floor. At this angle, his chest and face are visible as he lays down.]
Probably a waste of footage, but I could use you watching me sleep tonight.
Recording: Day 36 (Day 35 cont.)
[Grace, now a lump under the quilt, stirs. He pulls the blanket off, revealing wildly sleep-touseled hair and a trail of dried drool down his chin. Grace rubs it away, blinking blearily. When he catches sight of the camera, his face softens into a smile.]
That might have been the best sleep I’ve had since you woke up. Thanks for looking out for me, buddy.
Recording: Day 39
Rock! You aren’t gonna believe this!
[Grace whips a red marker out of his jumpsuit pocket, waving it in front of the camera]
I swear I’ve looked everywhere for this thing! And it just appeared on my desk this morning. Between you and me, I think the ghost found it for me.
Don’t use that skeptical tone. Yes, I’ve figured out some of your tones. Anyway, I don’t appreciate the implication that I’m that dirty. You’d just caught me at a weird point in my life. I was kinda caught up with, oh, you know, saving the world.
But that’s not here or there. Okay fine, yes, the marker is here. It’s another Earth phrase. My point is, I don’t think I was so messy that I overlooked it. See?
[Grace pans the camera to the lab. It’s…well, it’s not wildly messy. But it’s not exactly clean, either]
Still sounds like you’re using your skeptical tone, and I do not appreciate it.
Yeah, okay, fine. I get why you’d prefer to think I misplaced it. Because otherwise I’m telling ghost stories. Like a crazy person. But really, is having a ghost or something on board really that much crazier than flying out to a distant star on a last-ditch effort suicide mission and finding someone else doing the same thing?
Yeah, yeah, I know yours wasn’t a suicide mission.
Isn’t a suicide mission.
Meanwhile—
[Grace trails off, suddenly very focused on twirling the marker between his fingers. He snaps it too hard, sending it flying off in another direction]
It’s fine. I’m great at suicide missions. Already survived one. And what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. At suicide missions. I guess.
[He reaches for the camera, hand obscuring his face. A low mutter is still audible.]
Gosh darn it, this was supposed to be a fun update.
Recording: Day 43
Seems like the ghost is just by my side these days, so I’ve stopped trying to track it. I think Mary’s relieved.
Good afternoon, Dr. Ryland Grace
Yeah, afternoon, Mary. Are you more excited that I’m going to be hanging out with Rocky or our random ghost?
Answer unknown
[Grace cups a hand and gives a stage whisper]
She’s trying to be polite.
Recording: Day 45
Been thinking more about stories.
I know I was dismissive before, and I do stand by some of it. The astrophage aren’t an act of God, they’re just little creatures trying their unfortunate best to survive.
But…I think everyone’s telling stories. I mean, sometimes it’s literal, like the Lord of the Rings. But my mission, Project Hail Mary, that was a story Stratt told, about three brave astronauts — well, two brave astronauts and one cowardly middle school teacher — flying to a far away star to save the planet.
And other people joined her. Like Yao had his story about how he had spent his childhood looking up at the stars, it was real sweet. And Ilyukhina had some story about…okay that bit hasn’t come back yet, but I remember it being sad and hopeful.
Anyway, I think I’ve been telling myself a story too. About a strange thing on the ship that’s looking out for me. And I’ve been telling it because I don’t want to think about the reality.
You might be—
[Grace snaps his mouth closed, squeezing his eyes furiously]
And even if you’re not, I—I’ll do the only decent thing I’ve managed and then I—
[He scrubs a sweater-clad hand across his face, knocking his glasses off with a clatter]
I’m trying to make peace with it. I need you to know that, Rock. If I do find you and save you and I’ve gone crazy from some ghost story in my head, I just need you to know that I tried to make peace with it.
With dying.
Because I will die for you, Rock. I am going to die for you.
I’m just sorry I can’t do it without being afraid.
Recording: Day 50
Less than a week until I reach you.
Hold on, Rocky.
Please.
Recording: Day 53
For the record? You’re the only one I’ve ever willingly chosen to die for. If that helps at all.
Recording: Day 55
I’m going to see you tomorrow, but as a last recorded message before I do, I just wanted to say that I remembered Ilyukhina’s story.
A while back, when humans were first trying to reach space, we sent up a dog named Laika. She was a stray, so she didn’t have any family on Earth. There was no reason for it to be her to go up first, guess the stars just aligned.
Anyway, Laika was the first Earthling to be sent into space. She didn’t survive, but she was never going to survive. It wasn’t kind and it wasn’t fair, but we sent her to the stars knowing she’d never come back.
In her memory, some people now think of her as a patron saint of one-way trips. Like maybe her spirit’s out here running around in space, keeping lost astronauts company. Maybe she’s fetching red markers and running down hallways and curling up at the foot of the bed when the nights get too lonely.
Maybe you’ll get to meet her tomorrow.
Rocky Recording: Day 1
[Rocky waves at the camera from his ball. Grace lays in the background, half curled around Rocky’s enclosure, snoring softly.]
Hello, Earth!
Hello, Mary!
Welcome back, Rocky
Hello, Laika!
Rocky miss Grace so Rocky glad Laika watch friend.
Now Rocky here, Rocky watch Grace. Watch Grace sleep, watch Grace read Lord of Rings, watch Grace do big space travel.
Grace no Laika.
Grace come home with Rocky.