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She's changing her bandages when she says it. The damn burns always seem to reopen somehow, and they're always having to fight off infections. Three years already gone by, and the wounds go through cycles of looking freshly made, to sometimes at its best maybe a few months old. They never look good. Three years isn't normal. Sometimes, Lisa thinks it's because she doesn't want to live, not really. The body often follows the mind. It's a flimsy explanation, really. Either way it doesn't change that it means endlessly treating, rebandaging, and medicating. It makes sense that she says it during this because this is what most of their interactions are- even if she does try her best to sit with the girl sometimes.
"I wish you were my mom, Lisa." It's too earnest. It's a sentence you shouldn't hear from a ten year old.
It makes her pause, and her fingers tremble. Alessa is looking at her with such earnestness. The flames hadn't quite reached her face, instead curling up almost to her throat, a touch at the ears. From what she understood it was likely because Alessa had been leaning up, trying to free herself. In her nightmares, Lisa hears screaming she'd never witnessed, a desperate thing that only happens when death is right at one's back.
"You shouldn't say that." Not because of Dahlia. Dahlia is horrible. Dahlia is the reason that Alessa is in the hospital to begin with. Lisa still can't be sure if the exact circumstances, not really, not with the constant obfuscation around everything. Still, she's learned enough about Dahlia and the cult to know that it's her fault.
"I've done a lot of bad things, Alessa."
Lisa actively is contributing to the problem. She should call the authorities- she should. But if she did that she'd lose her supplier, and she can't. And even then that's not the only problem. Not only would Kaufmann take away her only lifeline he'd take her job too. She wouldn't even be able to apply at Brookhaven either. You can't trust a nurse with a drug problem. So, she's selfish, she puts herself first over this child. This horribly mistreated child, who still had such a sweet smile when she has the energy for it.
Lisa blinks her eyes rapidly. She insists on her point, "I'm not a good person."
Alessa reaches slowly to clasp Lisa's shaking hands. It's a weak grip, not aided by the fact the nurse is still holding the bandages. "I know bad people. You're not one of them."
Her heart is beating in her ears. A drum sound that makes it hard to focus. Her eyes threaten to become teary.
"You don't- You can't mean it…"
She's heard her call out for Dahlia in her nightmares. She's also heard Dahlia screaming at her through a closed door. The first time it happened, Kaufmann had held her wrist so tight that she thought he'd break it when she'd tried to go through the door and stop it. That was early on, back when she thought this wouldn't last as long as it has. Alessa loves her mother because she's a kid, and that's what you do even when you're scared of your parent. So maybe there are worse people, still, but Lisa is enabling it she's not-
"I do." Alessa's head rolls slightly on the pillow. A gesture that usually happens when she's getting close to falling asleep.
"I… I wish I could change things, Alessa."
The girl has fallen into a sleep already. The confession perhaps only happening because of the influence of the precipice of sleep. Lisa finishes her bandaging, the majority of it done- making it quick work.
The tears only fall from her eyes when she steps out of the room. She cries silently, the drops falling onto her blouse as she hangs her head low, leaning against the door. Lisa had learned to cry silently long before this, but she wants to scream.
Instead, only her fragile breathing echoes as she cries.
Four years later, Lisa will be crying blood. Her mind stays clear even as her body becomes drenched in blood. Even love gets twisted in a nightmare.