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what to do when my future boyfriend has a boyfriend (serious replies only)

Summary:

Tim Drake walks into the library to have lunch with his pseudo-sister. Tim Drake meets Peter Parker.

Tim Drake immediately begins visualizing their life together as happily wedded husbands.

This does not pan out the way Tim wants it to.

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“Are you ok? You zoned out pretty hard.”

Tim did his best to clear his throat. “I’m fine, just got lost in thought. What did you say your name was again?”

Prettiest Person Ever flushed with embarrassment. Tim would not sign a prenup. He would give this man his bank account information now if he asked.

“Did I not say it earlier?” He looked ashamed for being impolite. Tim couldn’t imagine how red he would get if he heard the impoliteness of his thoughts. “I’m Peter, Peter Parker. Sorry, I was caught up in an equation when you came over.”

Peter Drake had a nice ring to it. Timothy Parker didn’t roll off the tongue as nicely, but they could hyphenate. Tim and Peter Parker-Drake.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Tim was feeling great for once. He had gotten a whole six hours of sleep, his persistent headache had faded into nothing after downing two water bottles in desperation, and he was spending his lunch break with Babs at the library.

Somehow, the fact that he was fully functioning made the whole situation so much worse.

He waved cheerfully to Barbara as he walked in. She was still at the front desk, and she had texted him saying she had a few technical issues to work out in the systems before she could sit down with him. The redhead smiled when she noticed him—but then she smirked and pointed him towards the science section. Which was highly suspicious.

And it niggled at his innate sense of curiosity, damn her.

Tim frequented this part of the library, so it wasn’t anything new. Had she gotten a table that didn’t threaten to topple over when more than two books were placed on it? That would be nice, but she wouldn’t have a shit-eating grin on her face because of new furniture.

Nope, same table, as he suspected. But what made him choke on his breath was the man sitting at the wonky table.

That was the hottest dude on earth. Hands down—knees down if Tim had anything to say about it, what the fuck—no contest. Thick, wavy brown hair with glints of red in the sunlight. Olive skin and defined cheekbones, a straight nose and holy hell his jaw is clenched WHAT THE FUCK. Tim couldn’t see his eyes as they were intensely focused on the book in front of him, but as he took an accidental step forward he snapped his head up to look.

Tim would deny the squeaking accusations until the day he died. That day would come much sooner than he thought considering Babs had audio and visual in this section.

Deep, honey brown eyes met his, and goddamn it, why did he have to be so attractive? This was seriously unfair in Tim’s opinion; this is a library—he had always imagined his meet-cute moment in a coffee shop.

The guy smiled and Tim almost exploded. “Hey, do you need a seat? I have my bag in the other one but I’m cool to move it.”

Babs, I’m gonna plant overly catchy song lyrics from the early 2000’s in your new code tonight, I swear.

He did his best to swallow without looking like he had swallowed his tongue. “Yeah, if you don’t mind. I’m just waiting for my friend to go on break so it won’t be long.”

“Oh! Do you mean Miss Barbara?” The guy asked, after he perked up like a puppy. Tim was genuinely going to die. He hadn’t updated his will, Damian was not getting his patents after last week. “She told me earlier that she was meeting you, she seemed super excited about it! Tim, right?”

He did not blush when he said his name. He didn’t. “Mhmm.”

The Greek God moved his stuff to the floor under the table, between his feet. It was at that moment Tim realized that the man could snap him in half. Holy hell. Baggy jeans did nothing to hide the way his thighs strained against the material, outlining the muscle in his legs. His eyes traced to his arms and the way they stretched to reach the notebooks scattered at the other end of the table. Thick biceps and toned forearms. Strong hands. His shirt was riding up in the back and Tim didn’t know backs were attractive to him until this very moment. Where in the hell was this guy’s waistline?

“Here you go!” The Adonis in front of him chirped. “Chair’s free, but if you need me to get anything else off the table let me know. I tend to get excited about this stuff and take over entire surfaces if I’m not careful.”

Hottest Man Ever rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly and Tim felt his knees weaken. “It’s fine! I’ll only be here for a few minutes anyway.”

Tim managed to sit down without embarrassing himself further. He ran his eyes over the pages in front of him—mostly to avoid looking at the walking wet dream—but quickly got absorbed in what he saw. “Is this multiversal theory?”

“Yeah!” The guy smiled and Tim had to blink stars out of his eyes. “I’m a bio and chemical engineering major, but I still love theory work. I don’t think I’ll ever escape the nerd allegations when my friends realize this is what I do in my free time.”

It would be a winter wedding. Tim looked best in jewel tones, and Mystery Man had a complexion made for a red suit. Garnet or ruby? He needed a gold ring, obviously, his skin would practically glow with gold jewelry. Tim suited silver more, but they could match gemstones. Sapphire would be nice. He had always wanted some sort of engraving in his rings. They could come up with sappy inside jokes later in the relationship. Tim would make a list and present them as options during wedding planning.

A hand waved in front of his eyes, and Tim blinked. Beautiful Dude was staring at him, eyebrows furrowed in concern.

“Are you ok? You zoned out pretty hard.”

He did his best to clear his throat. “I’m fine, just got lost in thought. What did you say your name was again?”

Prettiest Person Ever flushed with embarrassment. Tim would not sign a prenup. He would give this man his bank account information now if he asked.

“Did I not say it earlier?” He looked ashamed for being impolite. Tim couldn’t imagine how red he would get if he heard the impoliteness of his thoughts. “I’m Peter, Peter Parker. Sorry, I was caught up in an equation when you came over.”

Peter Drake had a nice ring to it. Timothy Parker didn’t roll off the tongue as nicely, but they could hyphenate. Tim and Peter Parker-Drake.

Peter looked concerned again when he snapped out of his wedding planning. He went to reassure him, but a phone buzzing on the table drew their attention. Peter picked it up and smiled dopily at the screen, eyes soft in a way that made Tim’s chest hurt. He typed out a response, ignorant to the way his seat-buddy’s heart had fallen to his stomach.

When he looked back up, Peter’s smile was somehow warmer than before. “Sorry about that, Harley texted me. His shift wasn’t supposed to end until later but he’s coming to pick me up.”

I will not stalk. I will not stalk. I will not stalk.

Tim took a deep breath and smiled. “Who’s Harley? A friend?”

If Tim had thought Peter was beautiful before, he was radiant now. Almost lit from the inside with a joyous light. His hopes deflated. Maybe Harley was ugly? He could work with that.

“He’s my boyfriend, but we were best friends way before. My dad took him on as an intern at the same time I started working for him and we clicked right away. Apparently, hiding from eccentric mother-hen billionaires while building fully-functioning devices from spy movies really brings people together.”

Tim’s traitorous heart stumbled at the soft, lovestruck laugh Peter let out. He was so perfect. Hot and smart and strong and hot and kind and hot. He had never thought he would become a homewrecker, but his morals were wavering a bit. This Harley guy couldn’t be that good of a boyfriend, right?

Ignoring his twitching eye, Tim asked, “That sounds fun. How long have you been together?”

Peter somehow perked up even more, and the image of a chocolate labrador popped into Tim’s head for a moment before he quickly shook it away. “Two years! Well, two years officially. We were best friends for three years before Harls asked me out. I was eighteen and he was nineteen when my dad lost it and told him that if he had to suffer through one more second of, and I quote, ‘disturbing teenage mating rituals’ he would shove us in a closet and not let us out until someone confessed. Harley knew he was being serious and finally asked, but we had basically been dating for a while before that and didn’t realize.”

Subtly calculating the level of attachment Peter might have to Public Enemy Number One™ was getting more and more hopeless. A comment he had made earlier about billionaires was starting to niggle at the edge of his thoughts but Tim ignored it in favor of wallowing in his own despair. He still selfishly hoped Horrible Evil Husband Stealer™ was ugly. Maybe it would make him feel better.

Tim had barely opened his mouth to respond when footsteps began nearing their table. Lighting up like a Christmas tree, Peter spun around. Tim closed his eyes in preparation before taking a deep breath and looking up.

Oh, this is so unfair. Tim groaned quietly.

Of course the Most Beautiful Man Ever was disgustingly in love with the Hottest Counterpart on Earth. Tousled blond waves, tan skin, bright blue eyes and a blinding, crooked smile that contrasted amazingly with his complexion. Tall and buff as all hell, the man Tim wisely assumed to be Harley was gorgeous. And currently wrecking Tim’s self esteem.

“Hey, darlin’,” Tim’s mortal enemy greeted in a fucking southern drawl that made Peter’s cheeks light up pink. Harley ducked down and pressed a quick kiss to the side of his boyfriend’s mouth before rubbing their noses together in an almost practiced movement. It made them both grin like idiots, and it was cute, even if Tim felt vaguely murderous at the action. “How was your day? Did you eat your lunch?”

Peter rolled his eyes, still smiling. “It was good! And yes, Harls, I ate it all, just like I promised. It was really good, too. How was the shop?”

Harley wrinkled his nose slightly. “Alright, I guess. Some asshole called me a redneck and wouldn’t let me within ten feet of his precious Audi, but the guy with the badass Ducati came back and let me ask about the build, so that was cool. Have you talked to the ol’ man yet?”

Tim pretended he wasn’t pouting or eavesdropping as Peter answered. “No, I still need to call him. He asked me to do one more review of the schematics before the meeting with Mr. Wayne and I didn’t find anything that needed tweaking, but I figured I’d let you look it over just in case. I told him I’d let him know after you gave it the final approval.”

Tim’s moment of sorrow was interrupted by the sound of his dad’s name. Sitting up from where he’d been trying to melt into his chair, he looked at the two men with narrowed eyes. They didn’t look familiar, but the combination of their names was tickling something in his brain. The earlier comment about billionaires joined his mental conspiracy board. Who did Bruce have a meeting with soon?

A male billionaire with a son around Tim’s age. He scanned Peter’s features again—as if he hadn’t memorized them way earlier—and tried to superimpose the faces of Bruce’s colleagues on top of his face. It wasn’t until Peter smirked at something Harley said, the blond boy rolling his eyes fondly at his boyfriend, that it clicked.

Tim gaped. “You’re Peter Stark.”

The man in question blinked, turning back to his seatmate, and smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, most people don’t put that together, especially when I use my other last name. I probably need to be more subtle when talking about work stuff, it’s a miracle I can keep any sort of secret, honestly.”

Harley snorted into his hand. Tim ignored it to focus on the rapid connections he was making.

“Your dad created multiversal travel. Your dad made multiversal travel possible with machinery. Your dad made multiversal travel without any use of magic and kept the identities of his co-creators private,” Tim’s jaw dropped. “Did you invent multiversal travel!

Peter grinned sheepishly, blushing. Tim’s heart malfunctioned along with his brain. “Definitely not. I mostly helped with the behind the scenes stuff, Harls and Dad did most of it.”

Harley snorted and poked the tip of Peter’s nose. “What have we talked about, sunshine?”

Peter sighed and pouted. “That downplaying my achievements and purposely dodging compliments will only lower my already low self esteem.”

“And?”

He crossed his arms sulkily. “And I’m a genius who shouldn’t deny my own genius to make others feel better.”

Harley grinned crookedly. “Good job, baby,” he praised, leaning down and kissing his boyfriend soundly.

Peter’s lips seemed to quirk up against his own will before he gave up and let a pleased little smile appear. Tim mourned

As he mentally scrapped his plans for cloning a child with his and Peter’s combined DNA, Tim heard familiar footsteps coming their way. He closed his eyes in preparation.

“Yo, Timbers, Barbie sent me to save you from your own—” Jason announced, falling suspiciously silent as he turned the corner.

Tim opened his eyes. Jason was staring at The Interloper™ with an expression anyone else would clock as surprise, but Tim knew better—Jason was shocked.

There was a faint bit of color on his cheeks, plus the minute widening of his eyes that only a Bat would notice. What the—

Harley pushed a curl out of Peter’s face and used the motion to place a hand against his cheek. Peter leaned into it with happy eyes, and Harley kissed his forehead tenderly. Jason’s eye twitched.

Tim gasped. “Oh shit, you too?”

Jason glared at him, but the heat was undercut by his panicked eyes. “Don’t you fucking say shit, replacement, I swear to–”

“Jay?” Harley asked after he finally looked up from Tim’s star crossed lover.

Jason twitched. “Hey, Harley,” he greeted after a moment, gruff and resigned. Tim choked.

Peter looked between the two questioningly before seemingly reaching a conclusion. “Oh! Is this the guy with the really cool bike, Harls? With the mods you told me about?”

Harley looked back down and nodded. “Mhmm, it’s cool as shit. Shoulda let me buy it off of ‘im ages ago, though. He keeps screwing shit up cause of how he drives.” He sent Jason a snarky but teasing smile, joking.

Tim turned his head achingly slowly towards his older brother. Jason had the expression of a man walking to his own execution.

Everyone who met Jason knew that he drove insanely fast, but he was exceedingly careful with his bikes. The man had an entire section of the Batcave dedicated to his vehicles and their maintenance, plus an underground garage at an apartment building he owned. He dealt with the rare dents and scratches on his own. The last time Tim had gone to even lean against his bike Jason kicked in his knees and sent him sprawling.

He had to lean because of a stab wound.

Jason had no need for a mechanic shop.

Jason was going to a mechanic shop just to see a guy.

Jason was purposely damaging his precious bike to flirt with a dude.

Oh, the irony.

Jason scoffed. “I’ve seen your car, asshole, no way you’re gettin’ near my baby.”

“Are you still driving Betsy to work?” Peter asked, holding back laughter.

Harley flashed a smile full of teeth and mischief. “Old man’s gonna have a coronary when he realizes. I told the ass that I didn’t need a damn sports car that makes me break my legs to get in it. Betsy gets along just fine.”

Peter raised an amused brow. “Because you gutted her and replaced everything except for the ancient frame.”

The blond shrugged. “What he doesn’t know will hurt ‘em more.”

“That’s not how the saying goes.”

“It should be.”

Tim made eye contact with Jason as the two bickered like old men with fond grins. A sense of profound understanding Tim had never experienced with his second oldest brother resonated through him at that moment. Jason sent him a solemn nod. Tim returned it.

Nothing brought people together like being cockblocked by true love bullshit.

(And deleting every backup of Barbara’s library security footage before she could ruin their lives.)

Notes:

the idea of tim drake pining so hard that he loses his composure makes me feral. and yes i used marvel rivals peter parker as an inspo because holy HELL

thinking of doing a one shot collection also, possibly taking requests so let me know if thats a thing you guys would be interested in :) my tumblr is kimberlina-roo

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