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It was quiet today. Many were already at home, enjoying the holidays together with their families, eating nice meals and opening nice presents.
He remembered a time when he was a part of one of those families. Celebrating life, holding each other close and never feeling so happy as they did in those moments together.
A shame it had to end so soon, never knowing that the last Christmas they spent together would be the last time they'd feel whole again.
A shame the world left him alone to bear the weight of losing everyone he knew. Everyone he loved.
Remus felt the cold sting his face and trembling hands. He wasn't sure if it was due to the cold or the already welling tears he was trying to suppress. He thought he didn't have any left to cry.
The walk to the cemetery wasn't far from his home, only a couple of minutes. Each step leaving a footprint in the snow, looking back he almost expected to see a second pair trudging behind him, always a step behind.
Every time he looked back he knew he'd never see those steps trailing behind him again.
Remus wanted to warm his hands, but he was still holding the flowers and chocolate. He should've worn gloves, even if he hated them. Sirius used to warm them for him, so gloves never had been a necessity before.
He bit through the cold for a bit longer until he finally arrived at Sirius’ grave. A small pile of snow was already forming atop the stone.
Despite the snow, it still looked well-kept, although the letters engraved were already slightly cracking at the edges. He couldn't stand to look at it for too long.
“Hey Padfoot,” Remus started. He'd never get used to saying that to a gravestone instead of his friend. Or whatever they were before everything ended so abruptly.
He wondered whether they could have ever been more than they already were. They were everything, yet that never seemed to be enough to keep them together.
“I've brought you some flowers, not that you ever really cared for them,” he chuckled, his throat burning as he tried to get the words out, “–but I thought you'd like your grave a bit more decorated.”
Remus wasn't used to it being so quiet anymore. Being roommates with the loudest bunch at Hogwarts could make anyone used to the noise.
Hogwarts, the only place that ever felt like home. The only place he felt like he was someone, and not something.
A tear fell down his face, he shouldn't think too much of the past, it never helped anyway.
“Harry's doing well, I suppose as well as he can be after what he went through,” Remus started again, hoping to fill the silence a bit.
“You'd be proud of him, he's a strong lad.” Remus nodded to himself, looking away to the side where he could see James’s and Lily’s graves. “James and Lily would be proud too.”
Would they be proud of Remus? Even if they saw who he'd become?
He looked back to Sirius, or at least the stone that was supposed to represent him now.
“Merlin, I miss you so much,” he whispered quietly, letting the wind take his words with it. He wondered how many it had already taken from him.
He gripped the chocolate in his hands a bit tighter, almost forgetting he was holding it. “Oh, right,” Remus sighed, rubbing his eyes with his empty hand. “I've brought some chocolate, we could share some if you'd like.”
Remus opened the package, snapping a piece off before eating it. The familiar taste helped ease his mind a bit.
His mother used to always buy him chocolate right before he was sent off to Hogwarts, and of course when he got back as well. She always used to tell him that whenever he felt sad, or whenever he missed her, to just eat some chocolate and think of all the things that made him happy.
Sometimes he wondered if that was an excuse to make him eat more. She always used to complain that he didn't eat enough.
Either way, whatever intention she had, it worked out in the end.
When he was done chatting about whatever new thing he had in mind, and finished his piece of chocolate, he stood up from the ground, wiping his dirtied pants.
He gently wrapped the remaining piece of chocolate neatly closed. “It was nice seeing you again, Padfoot,” Remus said, placing the chocolate next to the bouquet of flowers.
“I love you,” he whispered, only loud enough for him to hear.
Though he was never sure, he thought that maybe he could hear the wind whispering back to him.