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Evil Orbsman woke up to a light shining directly into his eyes. He rolled over with a groan, squinting them shut. He heard a critical hum above him, and felt the light follow his eyes as he moved.
"Still sick," his coach declared above him. The light clicked off, much to his relief. "I declare this man needs medical attention!"
"Yes coach!" Bazooble and Evil Jax answered, with varying levels of confidence.
Evil Orbsman slowly opened an eye, peeking out at the room. He was glad to see they hadn't moved him anywhere ridiculous, and he was still in his "bed"; although they didn't need to sleep, they thought it was fun to laze about for hours and made a few makeshift beds out of the benches on the sidelines of the field. The Evil Big Tops eyed him warily, Evil Jax and the coach especially. It was hard to read Bazooble's face, but Bazooble's eyes were undoubtedly focused on him. Evil Pomni eyed him up and down with the usual vague disinterest, and Evil Ragatha was staring down at him with a look best akin to a queen looking with disdain at her choking, poisoned husband. He shifted uncomfortably.
"EVIL JAX! EVIL RAGATHA!" Coach Dictatorer barked. "You're going to make and bring him soup!"
"Y-Yes, coach!" Evil Jax said with a weak salute.
"With pleasure!" Evil Ragatha said in a suspicious tone with a suspiciously evil cackle, which usually meant another poisoning plot. Evil Jax had his work cut out for him.
"EVIL POMNI!" He pointed sharply at the uncaring jester, who hummed at him. "You'll be the water boy! We need to keep him hydrated!"
"Aw whaaat," Evil Pomni groaned, "why do I have to do the lame shit... He doesn't even have a mouth, dude." Despite her protests, Evil Orbsman noticed with amusement that she wandered in the direction of the water storage anyway.
"BAZOOBLE!" Coach Dictatorer spun around to face the last member. "You're on accommodation duty! Warms, colds, neutrals!"
"You got it, boss!" Bazooble gave a lop-sided salute.
Coach Dictatorer looked down at Evil Orbsman with a judgmental eye, and huffed, walking away. Evil Orbsman shut his eyes again, hoping that they'd take their roles at least semi-seriously enough for him to get some well-needed rest.
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The sound of a scuffle woke him, eyes creaking open as he surveyed the cause.
"Only one as great as I should be allowed to serve this!" Evil Ragatha declared, pushing Evil Jax away with her free palm as the other held the bowl of soup far above her head, the bowl threatening to spill over.
"I-I know, but, if you'd let me just, um..." Evil Jax argued weakly, attempting to reach past Her Majesty to reach the bowl. She pulled the bowl further away.
"Could it be that you don't trust me?" Evil Ragatha said evilly, the offense in her voice clearly faked as he grinned with sharp teeth on full display. Evil Jax gulped.
"Of course I-I trust you, it's just, well..." Evil Orbsman found it a bit funny how much trouble he was having reaching past her, seeing as he was taller and had longer limbs. "I kind of need to check if it's poisoned first?"
"Poisoned!" Evil Ragatha laughed boisterously. "Would I ever do such a thing to our darling lover?"
"Well, um," Evil Jax's face grew red at the last word, making him clear his throat to get his mind back on track. "I mean, you've done it before, t-to all of us at least once... some more than others..." He mumbled the last part, clearly referring to himself.
"I would never!" Evil Ragatha attempted to continue walking towards Evil Orbsman, brushing off Evil Jax as he tried to lunge for the bowl. "You're pinning the blame on me so you may kill him as you please!"
"I-I would never!" Evil Jax whined. "Can I just see it for a second?"
"IF you insist," Evil Ragatha grinned, well, evilly. "But you will have to be the taste-tester!"
Evil Jax gulped.
"A-And if it's poisoned, you won't serve it to him...?" He asked, looking nauseous. Evil Ragatha hummed, tapping her chin in thought.
"May as well!" She brought the bowl down to him with a flourish, presenting him with a spoon. He stared it down queasily, watching the steam coming off from it form a dark green skull. He took the spoon with a trembling hand, and Evil Orbsman watched in amazement as he actually ate the clearly poisoned broth. He near instantly ran off, face a grim and sickly green hue. Evil Ragatha turned to Evil Orbsman with a smug and incredibly pleased look on her face.
"See? Perfectly fine!" She declared, smiling over the sounds of coughing and hacking coming from behind a wall. He rolled his eyes.
"You made a deal," he reminded the doll. With a very exaggerated eyeroll, she discarded the poisoned soup (by throwing it to the side, where he watched the bowl shatter, saw the steam from it arise in what looked like many ghastly spirits, and heard Evil Jax scream at the sight of it) and produced a fresh one from her hammerspace. Evil Orbsman squinted at it and raised an eyebrow.
"What? Don't trust me?" she asked, fluttering her eyelashes with a crooked grin.
"Not when you're trying to feed me poison," Evil Orbsman huffed out. She rolled her eyes.
"Evil Jax!" she called out regally. "Fetch me a bowl of UN-poisoned soup, before I make him drink it like this!"
"Y-Yes ma'am!" Evil Jax called back quickly, rushing back to them with a bowl of soup in tow, which he quickly dropped straight on the ground in his haste. "O-Oh jeez, I'm so sorry! Hang on, I'll get you a new one! Please don't poison him again!"
As Evil Jax rushed off, Evil Ragatha took the moment alone to look at him with a rarely seen tenderness.
"And how is my Evilest lover feeling tonight?" she asked, bending down to eye level.
"Like shit."
"Ohohoho! I expected as such!" she laughed out. "You should feel lucky that my evil plans were once more thwarted, or else you'd be feeling significantly worse!"
"Hoorayyy," Evil Orbsman cheered unenthusiastically. Evil Ragatha huffed.
"You have to get better soon, or else I'll make you wish you were," she demanded.
"What, you think I wanted to get sick?" he scoffed.
"Why, naturally!" she said as though it were the simplest thing in the world. "Who wouldn't want to be under my expert care? I'll nurse you back to health so well that you'll grow a second heart!"
"I'm fine with my current zero hearts, thanks," Evil Orbsman grumbled. "You'd better hold to that promise, or coach and Evil J might have a heart attack."
"Naturally," Evil Ragatha replied, leaning down to plant a kiss on his forehead. "Only the best for one of MY lovers."
Before Evil Orbsman could flirt back, Evil Jax rushed in, totally covered in spilled broth and holding a bowl that looked suspiciously patched up.
"I'm back! Sorry I took so long, I kept dropping the bowl..." he explained with a wince. "Please tell me you didn't poison him."
"You were lucky, this time!" she pointed at him dramatically. "He only got off with a warning!"
"A-A warning? For what??"
At that, Evil Ragatha simply cackled in her typically villainous yet regal manner, and left the scene. Evil Jax sighed, leaning down to him.
"Sorry about that... I hope she didn't cause you too much trouble," he smiled apologetically, holding a spoonful of soup up to his mouth. "I know she can be a bit... much, at times. I just hope she didn't overwhelm you, what with you being sick and all...!"
"It's fine," Evil Orbsman waved off, turning over to accept the offer. The spoon clinked against his head, its contents disappearing with the contact.
"I'm glad," Evil Jax sighed, repeating the action with ease. "Sometimes she can get so ahead of herself, but honestly she's not that bad. Even though she is, well, pretty evil. But all of us are, so it's okay!"
"I know all that," Evil Orbsman said with an eyeroll. "I'm literally dating all of you."
Evil Jax's face flushed, and he tapped his fingertips together with a weak chuckle. "Ah, right... sorry, I tend to ramble... But you probably knew that too, huh?"
"Yup," Evil Orbsman confirmed. "You do it the second you have someone that isn't talking over you."
"Hehe, I guess so!" Evil Jax suddenly looked deeply embarrassed, as though he'd been caught with something he shouldn't have. "N-Not that I like it when anyone's sick! I only want you guys to be in good health! A-And I hope you get better as soon as possible!!"
Evil Orbsman decided to have pity and not call him out on the obvious lie, said as he was looming over him, feeding him, had his undivided attention, and a sparkle in his eye that sat somewhere squarely between love 'n' care and the ever-rare rush of an ego boost, and instead focused on enjoying getting to be spoon-fed in bed.
Soon, he found his eyes closing once more, sleep overtaking him. The last thing he felt before drifting off was another, softer kiss planted on his forehead.
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Next time he awoke, it wasn't from the noise of people, but rather the lack thereof. He groaned, eyeing up the area for the others. He knew Bazooble had been given some rather vague instructions, but Evil Pomni's were incredibly straight-forward. He knew she was just dawdling around like usual, but despite not actually needing to drink water, the thought of being without it made him feel a little dried-out. He cleared his throat.
He tossed and turned, waiting for her. He considered getting up to grab it himself for a moment, but not only did the idea of getting up while this wore down make him groan, but if anyone heard his thundering footsteps he'd no doubt have the whole team wrestling him back to bed. He settled for shuffling about restlessly, but quickly found that even this action created a loud reverb.
"This suuucks," he groaned, rolling over onto his back.
"You're telling me," Evil Pomni responded. Evil Orbsman craned his hand to look at her.
"Took you long enough," he muttered, voice sounding stuffier than he remembered. He suddenly imagined his voice growing so stuffy and ill that his was was the same level of unintelligible as Orbsman, making him internally grimace.
"Chill, dude, you look pissed," Evil Pomni handed him a water bottle from the crate she'd carried over. Evil Orbsman snatched it out of her hand, chugging it while she dropped the rest of the crate on the ground next to him with a thunk. "Jesus, don't choke on the damn thing."
"Thanks," he breathed quickly, tossing the empty bottle into the empty field. Evil Dictatorer would have his head over it, but he never cared much for strict rules.
"Eh," she waved her hand noncommittedly, brushing away the recognition. "I just don't want you dyin' on me dude, that'd suck balls."
"Hand me another bottle," he said, reaching in her direction.
"You can grab 'em where you're sitting," she mumbled, handing him one. She stood with a hand on her hip, looking anywhere but at him. "So like... what's your issue? Evil Ragatha poison you again?"
"Nah, but she tried," he shrugged, tossing the second empty bottle into the field. They cheered as it hit the other one, knocking it into the ground with a violent clipping motion. "This is just a stupid fever or something, it's not even anything cool."
"Bummer," Evil Pomni commented, picking an imaginary nose. Evil Orbsman squinted at her and huffed. "What?"
"Just say it," he groaned. Evil Pomni's face suddenly flashed with revulsion, and she crossed her arms firmly.
"Wh- dude, whatever bullshit you're on about is not gonna work," her eyelid twitched, "you know I don't care."
"If you're gonna be an ass about it, then-" with no further warning, he reached over and scooped her up, holding her against his torso. She jolted at the sudden movement, wriggling sluggishly in protest.
"You fucking suck, dude!" Evil Pomni complained, tail lashing in annoyance. "What the hell was that for..."
"For being an ass," Evil Orbsman mumbled, suddenly finding himself tired again. Evil Pomni noticed it too, thrashing slightly more.
"If you fall asleep holding me like a fuckin' teddy bear I'm gonna make sure she poisons you next time," she grumbled, the words lacking bite.
Evil Orbsman held her tighter in response. She groaned, looking away with a hint of blush on her face.
"...Get better soon, jackass," Evil Pomni mumbled, her thrashing ceasing as she leaned into him. "It pisses me off when you're like this, dude."
"Mhm," he hummed back, eyes closing. Evil Pomni relaxed, heavy half-lidded eyes looking over him as he began to drift off. For a moment, she almost felt completely at peace.
A pang of emotion struck through her chest, and she flinched, immediately averting her gaze as she remembered that she didn't care. She let her eyes close as well, sleep near-instantly overtaking her.
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"Well, would ya look at that!" Bazooble announced.
The sleeping pair jolted awake with a yell, Evil Pomni sliding off of him onto the floor. She held her head, staring up at Bazooble from her spot on the ground.
"What the hell man, what's the big idea..." She complained, voice still heavy with sleep.
"If you keep clinging to him like that, you're gonna catch his cold!" Bazooble said, dropping a large blanket on top of Evil Orbsman, followed by a freezing bag of vegetables onto his forehead. He winced. "You gotta be more careful!"
"Take your own damn advice," Evil Pomni grumbled, settling into a more comfortable position. "You're gonna crush him to death or something."
"Whoops! Silly me! Sorry 'bout that, buddy!" Bazooble adjusted the blanket, and sloppily adjusted the bag of vegetables repeatedly until they stopped slipping off of his round head. "I also got more pillows, but it looks like you've got a bunch!"
Evil Pomni lazily waved, signaling Bazooble to toss them her way.
"Thanks," Evil Orbsman said, taking care not to move and make Bazooble have to mess with the bag again. "You didn't have to do all of this."
"Gee, you sure are being nice today! Lost your evil spark?" Bazooble teased. "Coach told us what to do, and we can't go against him!"
Evil Pomni hummed on the floor, her tone vague enough to leave him unsure if it was against or in favor of the claim.
"But even if he didn't, I just wanna do something nice for ya!" Bazooble patted his arm. "I think we all did. Even her!"
"Huh?" Evil Pomni glared up from the floor. "Leave me outta this sappy..."
Her words trailed off as she leaned into the pillows, eyes closing.
"Wow Orbsy, maybe you really did get her sick!" Bazooble elbowed him playfully. "Now you can have some company! Maybe I was wrong about your evil levels!"
"Whatever," Evil Orbsman huffed out, amused. "She's gonna take it terribly."
"Maybe, but she does seem to like laying around," Bazooble stared at her blankly, expression as unreadable as usual. "She'll probably like not having Coach yell at her for it."
"Ha, yeah," Evil Orbsman snickered, thinking about how much their dictator of a coach seems to enjoy ripping her a new one. "Thanks, I guess."
"Ohh, don't worry about it!" Bazooble patted his chest. "We love ya."
Evil Orbsman huffed out a laugh. He closed his eyes; despite the initial shock, the items his partner brought were helping him feel a bit better.
He knew they were all technically evil, but... between the soup, water, and blankets, he supposed they weren't that bad when it came to each other, or at least when it came to him. They could make up for it by being extra nasty to their regular counterparts next time they come around, he supposed, drifting off.
The last thing he felt before letting sleep take hold was the feeling off something bumping against his head, followed by a cartoonish lip smack. Were he awake for a moment longer, he'd have heard this repeated near the ground next to him.