Work Text:
For all the brain Newton was supposed to have, it always amazed him how little he knew about how to deal with one Hermann Gottlieb.
In Newt’s defense, he had many PHDs but none in Hermann Gottlieb.
Such was the case today:
It was Monday morning and he had spent the entire weekend thinking really hard [ harder than it should really be necessary] about a discovery he had made in said weekend.
The discovery:
Hermann's secret YouTube channel.
The problem:
How to tell Hermann he could totally help him improve his channel without:
1) giving out that he had watched all of his videos in a creepy and obsessed way and,
2) having Hermann bite his head off.
Notes:
He was freaking out a bit about this. Or maybe like, a lot. Perhaps a bit more than he should, really because yes, in the Hermann Gottlieb universe that was like huge news. In the outside world they were like, dealing with an impending end of the world situation.
In any case, Newton kinda lived in both worlds so he could totally manage to freak out in the same amount about both things.
Hermann did have a secret Youtube Channel so Newton thought it was a valid excuse to freak out. If Hermann managed for years to hide the fact that he was a whole youtuber what else could he be hiding?
This thought sent shivers down Newt’s spine.
Like everything else Hermann set out to do, his channel also reflected the German discipline and rigor that Newt never managed to achieve. Hermann updated religiously and with a frequency that would make aspiring influencers die with jealousy.
Not that the content Hermann posted would lead him to a career as an influencer anytime soon, though. His channel basically consisted of him solving or explaining math problems and equations in extremely poor video and audio quality (Hermann seemed to be recording his videos with a potato, and he wouldn’t be surprised if that were actually the case).
He had one video that has beaten 5k views, but most of them stayed at around 25-50 views. Every video always had one or two comments from desperate students who would find his videos by chance before an exam, and they would ask questions –mostly things he's already explained in the video, but he’d answer them anyway. Sometimes, he even made video answers!
Newton didn’t know Hermann was like an awesome teacher!
Having all these secrets coming out like this, in just one weekend made Newton want to do something.
Mostly because Newton was notorious for not being able to keep any secrets. Open book, baby! Everything and more would slip out eventually.
Soon, even.
But also because Hermann was just so fascinating, he was just so — ugh! Newton wanted to smash every single bone of that bony ass man sometimes. How can a guy be so grumpy and yet have the patience to explain the same thing four or five times to desperate, unknown students? How can the same person spend years writing incredibly long letters filled with all sorts of musings and then stick a yellow tape on the floor to keep the two of you apart in the same lab? How can you love someone so much and at the same time quarrel with them all day long?
Newton couldn't answer all that. He could barely think of these things.
Better keep it down, really.
So yeah, pretending that he didn’t know Hermann would say goodbye at the end of their shifts, go to his quarters and hit play on an old camera and then upload videos on youtube would just not happen. Out of the question.
But he also knew that Hermann would freak out if he knew Newt had found his scandalous secret.
What if he got so annoyed (or embarrassed!) and stopped posting? Or even worse, delete his channel?
Newton couldn’t be the one who ended Hermann’s only little hobby thingy.
No, but he could do something else about it. He could be like, normal about this.
(He could hear his father's voice as he thought about this.
“You are normal, Newt-boy!”
“Yeah dad, but I want to be normal normal. I need to be chill about something at some point. Who the hell is gonna take all of this intensity all the time, you know?”)
It wasn’t easy for Newton to be chill. Some would argue it was impossible.
And what if he had downloaded every single video from Hermann’s channel just in case?
What if he had slept a total of four hours, probably, since Friday night watching all of them?
All of these things were irrelevant but he worried Hermann would focus on them if he knew.
And then bite his head off.
So it was decided on Monday morning, as he waited for Hermann to find his way from the mess to their lab.
He’d have to do it the normal way. You know, like a commoner.
Newton could be average when he wanted to. Like, for sure.
Anyways, Newton would do what a normal person would do in these circumstances.
Newt Geiszler was gonna catfish Hermann Gottlieb.