Archive of Our Own

- - - 

Destructive.

As the elevator ascended, Jimin watched the floor numbers increase, and that was exactly how he felt. Destructive.

His hands were still trembling because they had gotten so drenched at the concert. The staff had tried hard to make sure they warmed up enough, but after a certain point it had been useless. The rain had poured far beyond anything they had imagined, like it was coming down in sheets. In that moment, Jimin hadn’t been very aware of what he was doing because he wanted to give his fans the best he could. But now that all the haze had cleared and only exhaustion remained, he was only just beginning to realize how soaked they actually were.

And on top of that, Jimin’s mind felt wet too. That was why he didn’t want to look at the body right next to him at that moment.

Being back on stage after such a long time had been amazing. Of course it had. Holding the microphone again after years of waiting to reunite with their fans, letting his voice be heard by the world… those were the things that satisfied him. He knew they had been unlucky because of the rain, but despite that, everything had been beautiful. It had felt good. As they showcased their albums, it felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

But now, standing next to Yoongi, there were things that were confusing his mind.

Yoongi was standing there. One shoulder leaned against the elevator mirror, his arms crossed in front of him. His eyes were closed. Jimin could only guess how tired he was. It wasn’t surprising anyway. Yoongi had always been like this. Because he wasn’t as energetic as the others, he got tired earlier than them, yet he never cared, always giving everything he had to their fans. And in the end, even when he should have been resting for hours, he kept himself busy.

When the elevator stopped at the floor where their apartments were, it made a small sound. When that caused Yoongi to flinch, Jimin smiled at him.

“Come on, hyung,” he said, his voice gentle. Among the million thoughts spinning in his head, any tone he used would have made sense. Because he was a mess. Especially since they had returned from the military, he was tired of staggering like this. “You’re just a short distance away from your bed,” he added, trying to make it sound like a joke.

Or maybe he was just trying to pull his mind away from certain things for his own sake.

Yoongi smiled softly as he stepped out of the elevator. For a brief moment, he glanced toward Jimin’s apartment. Ever since Yoongi had moved into his place here, this had become a kind of habit. He didn’t speak. Just like before, instead of voicing his wants, he stayed silent. Jimin knew him well enough by now to understand the thought behind it. Because he didn’t want to impose on anyone, he wouldn’t present his wishes unless the other person made the offer first.

But did Jimin want that? Right now? With his mind on the edge of a whirlpool, about to fall into that dark pit, did he want Yoongi in his apartment, more than that, in his bed?

He glanced toward Yoongi’s apartment. Watched his hyung’s steps. Those tired shoulders. He had dried his hair, but in the short time it took them to walk from the car to the building, it had gotten slightly damp again.

As Yoongi reached for the keypad to enter his door code, Jimin, without even realizing it, said, “Hyung.” He was still standing there, in the middle of the corridor between the two apartments. The bag on his back felt like a faint weight, as if it was only now reminding him of its presence.

“Yes, Jimin-ah?”

When Yoongi looked at him with questioning eyes, Jimin swallowed. “It’s late,” he murmured. Even though they were exhausted after their first concert, the seven of them had wanted to eat together. A long meal filled with conversation, accompanied by a bottle each of soju. They were all tired, all wanted to go home and rest, but it was a precious gathering as a memory of their first concert in years. So no one complained.

Yoongi nodded with a quiet hum, silently waiting for Jimin to continue.

“Your family is probably asleep, and Tangie will meow for a long time when she sees you.” The thought made him smile involuntarily. Tang had always been a loud cat since she was a baby. She loved affection. And when Yoongi stayed away from home for a while and came back, she practically scolded him with a half-hour-long meowing session. “You can come over if you want.”

Yoongi looked at him. He looked for a long time, as if he could see Jimin’s hesitation. “Are you sure?”

Jimin nodded. “I’m sure. Just… you know. Just to sleep.”

Yoongi smiled softly as he walked toward him with slow steps. “I know, Jimin-ah. I didn’t think of anything else.”

Jimin didn’t want to say that he had. Sometimes, when the anger and resentment toward Yoongi grew in his mind, he entertained the idea of having sex with him. In those moments, he thought a hate-filled kind of sex might feel good. He imagined it would be different from the loving way they usually made love. He assumed it would feel different from Yoongi’s gentle hands that moved over his body as if he worshipped him.

He entered the passcode to his apartment. Inside, right next to his own slippers waiting for him, were Yoongi’s.

Maybe Yoongi didn’t need an invitation. Because in a way, this place could be considered his apartment too.

When Jimin took off his jacket, Yoongi, as if he had been expecting it, took it from his hands. As he walked toward the coat rack, he said, “Use the bathroom first. I’ll get you some clothes.”

Jimin looked at him. He could see the effort there. He had been seeing it for a long time. Maybe it was the most obvious thing among all the changes between them. That effort that made him think constantly, measure and weigh everything over and over again. That effort that was now more visible, more out in the open.

An effort that remained standing tall despite Jimin pushing it away.

“Won’t you come with me?”

“You’re tired.”

“I know.” Jimin sighed. Without even knowing what he was doing, he stepped forward and helped slide Yoongi’s jacket off his shoulders. “Come wash my hair.”

An offer. For Yoongi, that was usually enough. If it was something he already wanted, it only took seconds for him to accept once the offer came. And that was exactly what happened. When Jimin grabbed his wrist and pulled him along, he didn’t refuse. He followed him like a child expecting praise. By the time they reached the bathroom, he was already helping Jimin undress without even needing to be told.

This had become a habit. A habit that had lasted for a long time.

Since the group members had always seen each other as family from the very beginning, they had often had to share the bathroom in their old small dorm. In a way, it wasn’t even strange anymore. They all knew exactly what each other looked like. It didn’t have to be sexual.

But in the early years when the relationship between him and Yoongi had begun to take shape, the bathrooms had evolved into something different too. After those periods of separation, Jimin couldn’t quite remember how they had returned to this routine. But in Los Angeles, Yoongi had been very eager to take the room right next to his.

And something… had changed.

For a while already, after rehearsals, Yoongi had been dragging him to the sauna and they would spend some time there, but nothing further happened. It wasn’t like the old days. At least, it hadn’t been until Los Angeles.

It was hard to even say what it was. How they progressed, who made the first move. But he remembered that one day, when he cracked open the door from his room that led into the bathroom, he had found Yoongi about to go in. There was no rest to it. After that, it had only been a matter of time before it turned into a routine. At some point, moving forward with touches and kisses had felt natural too.

Like before, but at the same time very different from before.

Knowing that something had changed but not being able to understand exactly what had changed bothered him. He loved the relationship between them. He loved Yoongi. But sometimes, in certain moments, when he got too stuck in the past, he turned into someone who questioned what he loved and why.

As Yoongi let his fingertips trail along Jimin’s arm, he looked into his eyes. But it was a brief thing. Within seconds, his gaze dropped to his lips. It was funny, because Jimin knew there wasn’t another reason behind it. Yoongi just couldn’t look into his eyes when he was feeling sensitive.

“You’re thoughtful today.”

“You make me thoughtful,” Jimin murmured without meaning to. But right after saying it, he felt a bit regretful. He wasn’t angry at Yoongi. He was angry at the Yoongi from the past, and sometimes, here and now, he felt angry because the Yoongi with him hadn’t done what the Yoongi from before hadn’t done.

He could have tried. Yoongi could have given more. While Jimin had been there, continuing to swim for both of them, Yoongi could have taken his hand and—

“I’m sorry.”

And that was it.

Jimin hated himself just for that. Jimin hated himself because he couldn’t stay angry at Yoongi. Sometimes he wanted to hit him. Sometimes he wanted to shake him so much that—

“Let’s wash up,” he said, as if giving up.

Yoongi nodded softly. As he took off his own clothes, he seemed hesitant about his underwear. But since they had implied from the start that nothing else would happen, he must have thought it wouldn’t be a problem, because he got rid of that too.

When they stepped into the shower and stood completely naked under the water, Jimin touched Yoongi properly for the first time that day. He drew in the cold from his skin. Yoongi was usually warm enough to make their embraces the sweetest thing. Jimin had always loved his warmth. But unfortunately, he was also the most vulnerable to the cold. So the chill he had taken from the rain still lingered in his body.

By reflex, Jimin pulled Yoongi further under the hot water. He minimized the distance between them. Even if Yoongi understood the reason, he didn’t say anything. He continued out of habit. Yoongi was respectful as always. Always respectful toward Jimin. There was always a tone to his touches. Touches that softened even more depending on where he touched. Gentleness. Sometimes, even in Yoongi’s firm grip, Jimin felt a lightness.

Yoongi turned him around gently. He carefully slid off the thin band in his long blonde hair. Before reaching for one of the shampoos Jimin liked, he made sure every part of it was wet. As those long, knowing fingers moved across his scalp, Jimin closed his eyes with a small sense of relief. As soft breaths escaped his lips, supporting the comfort he felt, Yoongi let out a faint chuckle.

“I like your hair like this,” he murmured. He was tired, probably wanted to sleep right away, but still continued tending to Jimin’s hair as if he had all the time in the world. “You should braid it.”

“Maybe I will,” Jimin whispered. His voice felt like it might disappear under the running water. He liked Yoongi’s hair long too, but he couldn’t say he disliked it short either. “Or maybe you’ll do it for me.”

Yoongi hummed with interest. “I’ll watch a few YouTube videos for you.”

Jimin chuckled. Whether it was because he felt lighter and lighter, or because the hands in his hair made him sleepier, he didn’t know, but he felt his mind slowly clearing. Now, when he closed his eyes, it was easy to imagine Yoongi focusing intently on a video about braiding hair. Sometimes Jimin would ask him for something unrelated, and then he would find Yoongi either reading a book about it or watching a video.

He sighed.

Maybe thinking this much was wrong. Maybe instead of being so stuck in the past, he should focus entirely on moving forward.

But would it really be that easy to erase all the hurt from the past? Was his love for Yoongi enough to ignore the small fractures in his heart?

Jimin smiled.

If it hadn’t been enough, he probably wouldn’t be here right now, completely bare, under his hands.

As if he had had enough of the attention on his hair, Jimin turned around. After leaving a faint kiss on Yoongi’s lips, he murmured, “Let’s get out. I’m sleepy.”

Yoongi nodded softly. He adjusted the water a bit and quickly washed his own hair as well. He stepped out first, hurrying to hand Jimin his towel. Minutes later, they were tossing their clothes on the floor into the laundry baskets and heading into the bedroom. As if he knew exactly which pajamas Jimin felt most comfortable in, Yoongi picked out a set. He moved to his own side on the left of the closet. For quite a while now, they had made sure there were enough clothes for him there.

After all, Yoongi had stayed here more times than could be counted.

As Jimin got dressed beside him and watched Yoongi’s bare back, he sighed again, anew.

How broken his heart was didn’t matter. One way or another, at the end of the day, Jimin would keep choosing Yoongi. Because as he had accepted years ago, this was fate. No matter what, they would keep finding each other.

In the end, they got into bed, but not long after, Jimin left the side of Yoongi who had fallen asleep, went into the next room, and started a Weverse live.

It felt like his mind could only relax this way.

- - -

“Do you remember telling me we should get married in Vegas?”

As the car headed toward the concert venue, they were sitting side by side as usual. It had been like this ever since, before the military, when they had started sharing the same manager with a random decision they made while carrying out their solo work. Since they lived in the same building and their schedules somehow constantly aligned, it had made sense.

Now that he looked back, he knew they had arranged this quite deliberately. They just hadn’t admitted it.

Flirting again, trying to start something again, the fear of falling into the same mistakes despite the existence of love between them. Still, Jimin remembered that period fondly. Just as he met a different Yoongi in every phase, he had met a different Yoongi in that phase too. It had been nice. The effort had still been there. Even if not as much as now, it had been felt.

Yoongi put his phone down and looked at him. He raised his eyebrows as if the topic had caught his interest. He looked rested now. Quite refreshed.

“Where did that come from?”

“I just wonder what would’ve happened if we had gotten married back then.”

Yoongi chuckled. “I guess nothing in our lives would’ve changed,” he said it so casually that Jimin found his heart fluttering in response ridiculous. It was a stupid, small sentence. The implication beneath it shouldn’t have stirred the butterflies in his stomach.

But there it was. As always, Yoongi managed to do it with a small sentence.

Jimin averted his gaze. During their schedules in America, Yoongi had been more touch-dependent than ever. Maybe after such a long time, diving into such an intense schedule, he had sought emotional support. But among all those touches, Jimin had kept returning to the past years.

It had been when they were in Vegas for the Grammy. Just like he was recalling now, he had remembered this moment back then too.

He thought about Yoongi casually coming into his room and talking rapidly in the car about his research on marriage. Jimin had laughed so much at the time. While everything between them was just coming together again, Yoongi making a partial marriage proposal to him would always be funny.

“Technically, we couldn’t have gotten married in another country. We didn’t have the necessary documents…” Yoongi looked out the window beside him thoughtfully. “But if we’re living like we’re married anyway, do we need a stamp for it?” He turned to Jimin, raising one eyebrow. “We’re already sharing a ring.”

Jimin blinked. After pausing briefly, his eyes dropped to his ring finger. The ring Yoongi had given him some time ago was there. It was the only piece he made sure was safe when he had to take it off for concert accessories. He had also made sure to wear it often while in America.

Back then, when they would go into the studio and work for hours, when Yoongi got tired, he would take Jimin’s hand onto his lap and play with that ring. The next day, he would definitely come back announcing that he had written something new.

Jimin’s focus shifted to Yoongi’s finger. The same place, the same ring.

“Did you get these rings for that?” Jimin murmured as he leaned a little closer to him. “You could’ve told me something.”

“I knew you’d wear it anyway.”

“It means something different now!” Jimin frowned. Reaching out, he took Yoongi’s hand into his own. As he stroked Yoongi’s ring with his thumb, he tried not to smile. “I hate you.”

“I love you.”

Jimin looked at him. When their eyes met, Yoongi didn’t look away. As if he wanted Jimin to see something, he kept looking at him directly. It was like he wanted to show he wasn’t afraid of it. That made Jimin feel like he was burning under that gaze.

“No sex in the car,” he said, though it was debatable whether he was saying it to himself or to Yoongi. “But you look so kissable right now.”

Yoongi raised one eyebrow. Having gotten used to Jimin’s distance over the past few days, he seemed not to expect this reaction now. Still, he didn’t mind. As if he wanted to take advantage of the opportunity, he leaned in. As he held the back of Jimin’s neck and pulled him closer, he didn’t think twice.

Their lips met with that great familiarity built over the years. By now, even they didn’t control it. It was such a natural, fluid path that as Jimin breathed against Yoongi’s lips, it felt like those lips were some kind of home to him.

He moved a little closer to Yoongi. His hands reached out and formed a small fist in his collar. As his grip tightened and he tugged at Yoongi’s collar, Yoongi smiled against his lips.

As seconds chased each other, they pulled away from those long, deep kisses to catch their breath. Yoongi reached out and tucked Jimin’s hair behind his ear. He was smiling as he looked at him with a kind of admiration. Then he said again, “I love you. You know that.”

Jimin nodded. He didn’t say it back, but he said, “I know.”

That was enough in its own way.

Not long after, the car stopped at the concert venue. They pulled up toward the back entrance for soundcheck. Judging by the other cars, the members were already there. Before getting out of the car, Jimin paused for a moment as he moistened his lips. Then he looked at Yoongi. He was already looking at Jimin.

As if he was about to say something, he gave up at the last moment and got out of the car.

He didn’t wait for Yoongi. Seeing Jungkook ahead, he waved his hand excitedly and moved toward him at a run. Within seconds, he was jumping onto Jungkook’s shoulder with a giggle, doing things that would drive him crazy, while greeting Hoseok, who approached them, with a laugh.

Maybe one day it would be like this with Yoongi too.

Maybe those delicate touches would change.

But Jimin didn’t want them to change. No matter what he said, no matter what he had wished for in the past, deep down he was aware of this. He wanted everything special between him and Yoongi to remain special. He wanted them to be different.

The only thing Jimin wanted to change was to be able to truly call him his boyfriend. To one day have the strength and confidence to announce it to the media. He knew that in the past they couldn’t have done that, because as much as the company didn’t want it, Yoongi wouldn’t have wanted it either. Jimin had always called him a coward.

Now, he had probably turned into a Yoongi who would reveal everything on his Weverse account with just a single word from Jimin. If Jimin wanted, he would disregard all company procedures and personally announce their relationship to the public.

Even though he couldn’t fully grasp the story Taehyung was telling, Jimin laughed. He nodded to himself as he tried to listen.

Being unable to forgive the Yoongi from the past while gradually becoming able to empathize with what that Yoongi had been thinking was exhausting his mind. It was pushing him into an even bigger deadlock.

One part of him wanted to keep taking revenge on that Yoongi, while another part wanted to respond to Yoongi’s efforts.

In the end, as if Taehyung had realized he wasn’t listening, he took Jimin’s hand with attentive eyes. He squeezed it gently, as if to show he was there. Then, as he pulled him inside, he came closer to him. That was more than enough. Knowing that his family was by his side no matter what, Jimin let go of the tension he had been holding in his shoulders.

The six of them were there for him. That included Yoongi. No matter what, they would continue to be there.

So there was no problem. There wouldn’t be. They would host another amazing concert and continue being themselves throughout the tour.

- - -

Yoongi’s long fingers gently intertwined those small strands of hair. As Jimin looked at him through the makeup mirror, he was trying very hard not to smile.

“The last time I saw Yoongi hyung this serious, he was standing in front of us saying he had made a whole album,” Jungkook said, and as they all chuckled, Yoongi rolled his eyes. But Jimin knew he was smiling too, underneath it.

“Hyung, I want this too,” Hoseok said, far from joking, tracing his index finger along the braid that extended toward the nape of Jimin’s neck as if it were something quite intriguing. “Where did you learn to do this?”

“I watched a few videos,” Yoongi shrugged as if he was talking about something trivial. When he reached the end of the braid, he wrapped the thin band around it with great care. Then he took a step back and looked at Jimin’s hair as if he was proud of his work. “Do you like it?”

Their eyes met in the makeup mirror. Jimin would have needed to lean closer to the mirror to see the braid, but without doing that -without even looking at the braid yet- he nodded while looking into Yoongi’s eyes. “I love it.”

“I read that in the past, people used to braid a strand of their hair to protect themselves from the evil eye and bad things,” he murmured thoughtfully. As his finger moved over the braid again, he looked absent-minded. “I hope this braid protects you too.”

Hoseok immediately made a gagging sound beside them and turned away. As he walked toward Namjoon, he rolled his eyes. “Sometimes these two are even bigger nerds than you. I’m sure they watch science programs on all their dates.”

“Jimin watches them before sleeping,” Yoongi shrugged. As he moved to his own makeup table and looked through his things, he continued to murmur, “Besides, those programs are really fun.”

“For you nerds,” Jungkook said, nodding without lifting his head from the snack plate. “I’d rather listen to Taehyung’s one hour voice messages.”

“Yah!” Taehyung stepped away from the mirror where he was trying to take pictures and looked at Jungkook. “What’s wrong with my voice messages?”

Even Seokjin lifted his head from his phone at that. He looked at Taehyung as if the question made no sense. “You spend half of an hour thinking about what you’re going to say in that one hour. We need to set the speed to five to be able to listen to all of it.”

Taehyung stuck his tongue out and squinted at them. “I’m never sending you voice messages again.”

Amid all of this, as if there wasn’t a war going on behind him, Jimin leaned toward the mirror and looked at his braid. Ignoring the way Yoongi was trying to glance at him discreetly, he leaned a little closer to the mirror. Then, with a very delicate smile, he turned around and looked around the room. When he saw the person he was looking for, he called out, “Noona, could you help me with my hair?”

The woman responsible for Jimin’s hair went to him with great interest. As Jimin sat on the chair, he held his braid. “Can you tie my hair up in a way that keeps this braid in place? I want it to be fully visible.”

Even though Jimin didn’t see it, he felt Yoongi release the breath he had been holding. That made the smile on his lips grow.

Before going on stage for soundcheck, Jimin’s hair was neatly tied from the back. That way, Yoongi’s small braid fell from behind his ear to the side and stayed in a place everyone could see. Even if no one would know that Yoongi was the one who braided it, it was valuable to Jimin.

And even if no one knew, Jimin was slowly continuing to learn that some things were more valuable when they remained private.

- - -

“Why were you so tense after the first concert?”

Yoongi murmured absentmindedly as he stroked Jimin’s neck. He didn’t seem very interested in the TV in front of them. Since his family had left to go to Daegu after the concert, Yoongi’s house was empty. That was why Jimin, who had just taken his allergy medication, was stroking Tang’s fur as she lay across his lap.

Yoongi wasn’t very pleased with this situation because he knew that no matter how much medicine Jimin took, he would eventually go through a long sneezing session, but he couldn’t say anything since he knew how much he loved Tang. The cat looked as calm and happy as Jimin. Considering how well the two got along, it was very unfair that Jimin had a cat allergy.

Jimin simply shrugged. He moved a little closer to Yoongi. As he shifted, he thought about how comforting it was just to be under his arm.

“I was a little hesitant,” he said, and his voice carried that delicate tone he only used when talking to Yoongi. As if it could break. As if everything would shatter if he spoke normally. Since Yoongi had always been in love with that tone, he hummed in satisfaction.

“Do you want to tell me?”

Jimin laughed. He shifted a little in his place, which caused Tang to wake up and turn his big eyes toward them. After a second of thought, he made a quick decision, got up, and jumped off the couch, moving away. Probably preferring a quieter and darker place, he left the two of them. Even though Jimin pouted a little after him, he didn’t do anything to make Tang come back.

Instead, with the advantage of no longer having a cat on his lap, he pulled his legs toward himself and turned slightly to the side. Now, a part of him was technically in Yoongi’s lap. As the sound of the TV turned into a faint hum in the background, Jimin rested his head against the back of the couch.

He wasn’t in a hurry. He was never in a hurry with Yoongi. Even if he sat here in silence for hours, he knew Yoongi would still wait for him.

He stretched out. He let his fingertips trace along Yoongi’s cheek. He took his time, and in the end, he looked into Yoongi’s eyes. “I was a little scared, you know?” he said finally. “We were good after the military. Actually, we were good before that too. When we came back from the military… I was afraid we would lose the dynamic we had found, but we didn’t. Then—” he stopped. As if it was hard to continue, he paused. “Then when our schedules started, I got scared. When none of my fears came true, I was worried that everything would fall apart at the concert.”

Yoongi hummed with interest. As his fingers moved through Jimin’s long blonde hair, he didn’t seem to find anything strange about what he was hearing. On the contrary, it was as if he had expected it. As if he had known Jimin would say exactly this.

“I made you a promise, Jimin-ah,” he said finally. His voice was like a whisper. Even though there was no one else in the house, he spoke as if someone might hear them. “I’ll do everything to keep that promise.”

Jimin knew, but it was hard to believe. Yoongi and he hadn’t taken easy paths. Nothing had ever been easy for them. So no matter how many promises Yoongi made, certain things could still happen that would keep him from keeping them.

“Sometimes I just think, hyung. Is this the pain of the decisions we made when we were young, when we didn’t know anything? Could we have been different, do you think? Do you think—”

“Some things weren’t in our hands, and even if we changed the parts that were, we still wouldn’t have had a relationship as perfect as in our dreams,” Yoongi said this without needing even a second to think. As if he had thought about it over and over again, he said it directly.

“There are many points where I blame you.”

“There are many points where I blame myself,” Yoongi smiled softly. “And I regret every single one of them, Jimin. Now I’m doing everything I can to make up for them.”

“I see that,” Jimin sighed. “Still, you know. I’ll always want you to want me more.”

Yoongi smiled softly. As he nodded in understanding, he said, “I know. And I’ll make sure you always know that I want you more.”

It was a calm moment. Peaceful. They had a few days before going abroad, and they wanted to spend it resting well. He knew Yoongi had to go to the company tomorrow. He would probably accompany him. So it was very likely that they would end the day here, on this couch.

“When will your family come?”

“The day before we leave.” Yoongi paused for a moment as if calculating in his head. Then he nodded to himself in confirmation.

Jimin hummed in understanding. Maybe he would stop by again to see Tang while they were there.

This had actually been a kind of project Yoongi had maintained since he got Tang. His big preparation before their return. When they talked about concert tours, all seven of them were aware that they would be away from Korea for at least a year. And Yoongi didn’t want Tang to be traumatized by such a separation. So a long time ago, he had invited his family to live here. In his apartment.

At first, Jimin hadn’t been very comfortable with this because he had assumed it would reduce how often they saw each other, but instead, they had just started using Jimin’s apartment more. Sometimes Yoongi would knock on his door in the middle of the night and talk about a melody he had found. Or he would just stand there with a bottle of wine because he wanted to drink. Or at worst, he would sling his guitar over his shoulder and step inside, murmuring that he needed his voice.

That way, Tang had gotten used to Yoongi’s family, saw them as part of the house, and their goal of reducing the possibility of him being traumatized while Yoongi was away had worked nicely. There hadn’t been any problem between the two of them either.

Among his thoughts, Jimin pursed his lips and looked at the clock. “Can we have sex before I start sneezing?” he said. The question was so funny that Yoongi couldn’t help but chuckle as he looked at his innocent face.

Still, without any teasing, he nodded and lowered his hand from Jimin’s hair to the nape of his neck, stroking it gently. “Why not?” he said as he leaned toward Jimin. “It might be our last chance to have sex before we go to Tampa.”

“We’ll stay in the same room.”

“Your mind might change when we land in America, baby,” he whispered against Jimin’s lips, making Jimin roll his eyes.

Still, he didn’t deny it. He didn’t reject it because he knew. He knew himself as much as Yoongi did. If his mind turned into chaos again when they landed in America, he was aware that he would distance himself from Yoongi a little. Even so, Yoongi would wait for him within arm’s reach. He would stay there until the fog in his mind settled and Jimin reached for him again.

With the comfort of knowing this, Jimin reached for Yoongi as his eyes filled softly. As he pulled them both into a deep, tender kiss, he smiled against his lips.

“If we have sex on the couch, would that be disrespectful to your family?”

“Technically, it’s my couch.” Yoongi briefly looked at the couch as if expecting an answer from it, making Jimin chuckle.

“You’re a bad boy.”

“You’re the one who made the offer, and I’m a weak man when it comes to you.”

Jimin chuckled again. As he laughed, his forehead dropped onto Yoongi’s shoulder. Yoongi wrapped his arms tightly around his waist, not rushing. They weren’t in a hurry anyway.

Then, slowly, they began to move. Their loud laughter turned into small smiles as their hands gradually wandered. Yoongi slipped his fingers under Jimin’s shirt and felt his skin. Jimin, playing with the hair at the nape of Yoongi’s neck, settled completely onto his lap. When he positioned his hips against Yoongi’s groin, it looked like a puzzle piece had clicked into place.

Even though they were the same height, Jimin always felt small enough in Yoongi’s lap to feel protected and safe. It was as if Yoongi’s shoulders were a shield for him. That was the biggest reason why the arms wrapped around his waist felt so good.

Yoongi guided his wet kisses toward Jimin’s chin. From there, he moved to his neck. With every kiss, the arms around his waist seemed to tighten even more. When Yoongi reached the open collar of Jimin’s shirt, he moved his hands upward. When his thumbs found Jimin’s nipples, he said, “Let’s take this off. I want to see all of your beauty.”

Jimin pulled back slightly. Without taking his eyes off Yoongi, he quickly took off his tshirt and threw it to the floor. No matter how many years passed, no matter how many times he slept with Jimin, Yoongi thought he would never get used to this duality of his. There was a world of difference between the Jimin who had just been leaning against the couch looking at him with puppy eyes and the Jimin now moving his hips in his lap.

Still, it wasn’t a problem. As Yoongi caressed Jimin’s bare skin, as he let his fingers trace over the Nevermind tattoo etched in his own handwriting, he thought it definitely wasn’t a problem.

“You’re so beautiful.”

Jimin hummed. That weakness he had for praise made him squirm more in Yoongi’s lap.

“You’re so beautiful, Jimin-ah. You shine so brightly that I feel like I’ll get lost in your light.”

“Hyung…” Jimin whined as he leaned toward him. Without wasting time, he pressed his wet lips against his again. Now his kisses were hungrier, more filled with desire. As if trying to make up for lost time, they lost themselves in each other. With small breaths, they kept returning to one another. Soon, their tongues entered a small competition. Holding Yoongi by the nape, Jimin pulled him closer. As their saliva mixed, he let out a needy moan.

“I want you.”

“I know, baby—”

“Hyung, I want you, please.”

Yoongi gripped Jimin’s hips tightly. As he pressed him closer as if it were possible, they were both already aware that he was fully erect. As Jimin felt the need to rub against something, he pressed his entire body against Yoongi. When he rolled his hips, his penis, straining inside his jeans, brushed against Yoongi’s stomach.

As they both moaned at the same time, Jimin quickly pulled back, trying to undo his pants and push them down his hips.

Yoongi tried to help him with clumsy movements. But being piled on top of each other in the narrow space of the couch, they both struggled. In the end, as they paused, breathless and chuckling, Jimin rested his forehead against Yoongi’s.

“We’re too old for this shit.”

“You’re thirty, Jimin.”

“I’m thirty two, and that’s too old to fuck on a couch.”

Yoongi raised his eyebrows. As if wanting to prove something to Jimin, he held him tightly and stood up. Without any difficulty, as if he wasn’t carrying someone over sixty kilos in his arms, he easily flipped him over. In the end, Jimin was lying on his back on the couch, and as Yoongi leaned over him, he murmured with a heavy implication, “I’m two years older than you, and no, we’re not too old for this shit.”

He didn’t even give Jimin time to tease him. As he pulled off his already open jeans, he stripped himself just as quickly. Jimin watched him without even trying to hide how much more aroused he felt by everything Yoongi had just done. When Yoongi returned to his arms, he kissed him again without wasting time.

Yoongi slid his hand downward. He stroked Jimin’s cock, which looked like it was about to spill. When Jimin moaned toward his mouth, he slightly quickened his movements. He looked at the closed eyes of the body beneath him, at the faint sheen of sweat beginning to form on his forehead. His hair was spread across the couch, and he looked unrealistically beautiful.

Because Yoongi felt like he could come just from looking at him, he cursed under his breath. “Fuck. Baby, turn around.”

Jimin didn’t hesitate. As if he knew what was coming, he whimpered and turned around. As his hips lifted with need, Yoongi was already gripping him tightly by the hips. After stroking him a few times, he parted him slightly and spat toward Jimin’s hole. As Yoongi’s vision darkened at the sight, Jimin writhed beneath him.

“Hyung, please…” he pressed himself into the couch with a tearful voice. “I can’t take it.”

Yoongi didn’t wait. At another time, he would have enjoyed Jimin’s whining, but since he felt like he was about to come himself, he leaned in. He approached by licking him gently. After a few small preparations, he held his hips tighter, opening him fully, moving his tongue skillfully. As Jimin turned into complete chaos beneath him, Yoongi didn’t care. Pushing his tongue deeper, he moved his index finger along with it.

While Jimin whimpered as if he was about to cry, Yoongi gave all his focus to the place his lips were occupied with.

“Hyung, hyung—” Jimin called out to him with a muffled voice as his mouth was pressed into the couch. Yoongi didn’t respond, as if he had fallen into a trance. “Hyung, I’m ready.”

Yoongi hummed. As if he didn’t agree, he added another finger, then pulled back and looked at the scene he had created. As his saliva trailed down Jimin’s hips, his hole clenched with the need to hold onto something. His gaze lingered for a moment on the moon tattoos covering Jimin’s back.

Ignoring Jimin’s whining there, Yoongi slipped away from him. He took only the lubricant from the bathroom cabinet. They had already stopped using condoms years ago. When he returned to the room, Jimin was looking at him with his eyes rolled.

“You’re so mean.”

“If not wanting to hurt you is being mean, then yes, I am.”

Jimin turned back. As he lay on his back on the couch again, he was breathing as if he had just come back from a long run. His cock stood upright against his stomach, a slight pre-cum at the tip.

Yoongi opened the lubricant. After slicking himself up, he poured a generous amount into his hand and moved toward Jimin. Knowing how much he liked him wet and messy, he was quite generous. When his fingers disappeared inside him again, this time they were face to face.

Jimin closed his eyes against the movement of his fingers and tilted his head back. Meanwhile, he whispered against Yoongi’s lips, “We should burn this couch before your family comes back. Otherwise I won’t be able to look them in the face again.”

“You fucked me in my childhood room, Jimin.”

“We were young.”

“My family was in the next room.”

Jimin fell silent. Despite suppressing the urge to laugh at the thought of those years, his cheeks flushed with a small embarrassment. “Whatever. Will you continue what you’re doing?” He opened his eyes as if challenging him. “If I come now, I won’t let you inside me.”

Yoongi whined. Still, listening to Jimin, he pulled his fingers out of him and aligned his already ready cock with him. As always, he moved slowly to make sure he didn’t hurt Jimin. When he was fully inside, he let out a muffled groan.

In the past, in those early times, Yoongi had always been very quiet during sex. When they were alone in the dorm, in Yoongi’s studio, or secretly sleeping together in each other’s hotel rooms during tours, Yoongi would always hold back his moans. Jimin had gotten used to him that way. But after everything, now that all of this was no longer hidden and they had their own homes, Jimin had experienced firsthand just how loud Yoongi could be.

So now, as Yoongi increased his pace and groaned against Jimin’s neck, it no longer felt strange. On the contrary, the more his voice rose, the more satisfied Jimin felt. The sounds of skin against skin, the rapid breaths, the small drops of sweat sliding from their foreheads, and Yoongi’s hands moving over his body with all his affection.

After his fingertips passed over Jimin’s Nevermind tattoo as if searching for something precious, his eyes closed. As Yoongi’s teeth pressed into his lower lip, Jimin watched him with great admiration. Yoongi had never been overly muscular, nor had he preferred it. But he was built, solid. With those shoulders, strong arms, and toned stomach, he looked like a god.

When Yoongi hit his prostate, Jimin came with a moan as if it were the final blow. As Yoongi watched him come untouched, he kept thrusting hard. After a few strong thrusts, Yoongi dropped his head forward in exhaustion and came inside Jimin.

“Oh, hyung—” With the warmth he felt, Jimin closed his eyes and threw his head back. His hands gripping the couch loosened, and he let himself fall completely onto it like a sack. Even though he didn’t have the strength left to move his body, he wrapped his legs around Yoongi, preventing him from leaving. “Stay like this for a minute.”

Yoongi didn’t hesitate. Still inside Jimin, he shifted slightly. He let himself fall over him and stayed quiet as he breathed against his neck. As Jimin gently wrapped his arms around him and traced small circles on his shoulder, he watched the empty ceiling.

As his mind slowly came back to itself, he chuckled. “You weren’t this bold before.”

“Hm?”

“If I wanted to have sex on the couch, you’d give a long speech about how we’d ruin everything.”

“Because as you can see, we ruined everything,” Yoongi whined. “I was just the one acting logically.”

“That’s what I’m talking about, hyung.” Jimin chuckled lightly, almost airy. As he held the body in his arms tighter, he sighed. “Thank you for trying. One day we’ll get there.”

“I know, Jimin-ah.” Yoongi left a small kiss on Jimin’s neck. “I’ll wait for you.”

Jimin smiled. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to.

- - -

Taehyung was sitting on the floor in front of the mirror in the practice room.

When Yoongi said he had to go to the company early, Jimin had accompanied him to practice a bit. Finding Taehyung there had been a surprise for him too. But practicing with people you could have fun with was always better than practicing alone. So Jimin welcomed the situation with gratitude.

Now, after about two hours of practice, it was time to catch their breath. Normally, even being at the company on days they were supposed to rest was ridiculous, but they had stopped questioning that a long time ago. Even though they knew they shouldn’t push themselves too much, they couldn’t give up this habit.

“Did you watch the Epik High episode that Namjoon hyung and Yoongi hyung were on?”

As Taehyung took a sip of his water, he raised his eyebrows and looked at Jimin, who was still standing.

“Hm?” After wiping the back of his neck with his towel, Jimin walked toward Taehyung. As he dropped himself right next to him, he took out his phone. “Is it out? Hyung didn’t tell me anything.”

“Most of the programs we were on have out, I keep telling you to check Instagram more often,” Taehyung rolled his eyes playfully and took the phone from Jimin’s hand. After entering the password that hadn’t changed for years, he found Youtube directly as if he knew the screen layout by heart.

Well, technically, he knew Jimin’s phone at least as well as Jimin did.

Finally, he opened the program that Yoongi and Namjoon had appeared on and handed it to Jimin with a smile. “I figured you didn’t watch it since you didn’t come to me and have a thousand-hour mental breakdown,” he said. There was no ill intent in that sentence. As Jimin’s closest friend, Taehyung had been used to listening to Yoongi since their debut days.

Jimin had practically lived through all of his breakdowns beside Taehyung, even when he first discovered his sexuality.

He furrowed his brows. As he looked at his best friend, he tried to make sense of it, but Taehyung simply encouraged him to watch the episode. Jimin looked at the length of the episode, then at the time. “I have a date with hyung in half an hour, Tae-yah,” he said with a sigh. “I won’t make it.”

Taehyung glanced at the time as well. After pausing for a brief moment as if thinking, he took the phone back. Then he fast-forwarded until the location in the program changed. Epik High, Namjoon, and Yoongi moved from preparing food in the kitchen to eating inside. Then Taehyung held the phone out again.

Aware that his friend was trying to show him something specific, Jimin hesitantly took the phone back. There was a faint unease in his eyes, but Taehyung smiled at him reassuringly. That was enough for Jimin to start the video.

Their conversation continued from where it had left off. It took Jimin a little time to catch on. Soon enough, they arrived at the part Taehyung wanted him to see.

Tablo was asking whether it had been good for them to stay together in the house in Los Angeles. And Yoongi was talking about how fun it had been, how much they enjoyed it, mentioning the big pool. Up to that point, everything was perfectly normal.

Right after that, quite out of nowhere, he continued, “Jimin and I shared one bathroom and it was this area with two rooms.”

When Namjoon said, “I think Suga hyung thinks of Jimin as an emotional support Teddy. So every time after dance practice he'd go, 'Want to go to the sauna together?' He does this all the time.” Jimin raised his brows involuntarily. He knew Namjoon. Especially as the leader of the team, he knew very well that he wouldn’t casually share this kind of information around.

Tablo continued, “Only to Jimin?”

“Only to Jimin!”

And everything started after that. Yoongi was talking. Yoongi was saying many things.

“No, it's because he lives next door. Jimin lives next door.”

“Did you make him live next door?”

“No, no! I, I—”

“Did you maybe buy the house first and tell Jimin to move in?”

“I moved in later. Anyway, I had a lot of fun while I was in Los Angeles.” Yoongi tried to circle back to what he had said at the beginning.

But Tablo cut him off by asking, “Are you closest to Jimin?” And that was enough for Yoongi to stay on the topic.

“When Jimin was having a really hard time I kind of pulled him out of it. Because he was digging himself deeper. Also when things aren’t good for me…” While Yoongi was saying these things, the Epik High team tried to turn it into a joke, but Yoongi didn’t care.

“So he was the friend you leaned on mentally?”

“Yes, we'd stick together.”

Then when the same question was turned to Namjoon, Jimin paused the video.

He gave himself a brief moment to process the entire conversation. Taehyung waited as if he could empathize with that. Jimin didn’t seem to want to voice his own thoughts without making any comment first.

This was new. It made Jimin feel different. It made him feel more visible. Over the years, he and Yoongi had been in many different dynamics. There had always been so many factors affecting their relationship. They had been hurt so many times, wounded so many times. And that was exactly why this tiny moment affected Jimin so much. Back then, when Jimin was trying for their relationship, this had been the step he struggled with the most. He wanted to show something. He wanted to present the bond between him and Yoongi to the people watching them, following them, and to ARMY.

Back then, the company had been a huge obstacle. A very big one. But besides that, Yoongi hadn’t wanted it either. He wished for everything to remain hidden. He was hesitant. He didn’t even want to talk about things that were special to Jimin. Once, Jimin had mentioned a memory of visiting Yoongi’s family. That moment when he saw Yoongi upon waking up in the morning was still as vivid as yesterday. The light filtering through the window illuminating Yoongi and that precious smile of his, Yoongi’s dog Holly wagging its tail as it approached that gummy smile.

That memory had been so precious to Jimin that he had wanted someone to see it, someone to hear it.

In the days after that program, Yoongi had told him that he wanted those to remain as private memories. Between the two of them. And that had remained as an implicit request for Jimin not to talk about their memories in other programs.

Jimin still remembered how broken his heart had been.

“If you didn’t know, they didn’t cut that line from the Run BTS episode either,” Taehyung murmured as if it had just come to mind. “When they joked about us all going into the shared bathroom in the house we stayed at… Yoongi hyung mentioned that he used to do that with you often while you were in America. Do you remember?”

Jimin looked at Taehyung with teary eyes. “I thought the staff would edit that out.”

“I think Yoongi hyung was very serious about what he said when the contract was renewed,” Tae murmured, as if reminding him. “They sent you two to the same program during your solo projects, Jimin. Otherwise, that would’ve been impossible.”

Jimin loved the company. He always had. Even if there had been misunderstandings sometimes, there had always been a solid team behind them since their debut. But just as he was hurt with Yoongi, he also had his resentments toward them. It wasn’t hard to empathize. From the very beginning, Jimin had known how dirty the K-pop industry could be. How harsh, cruel, merciless. Just as he was finally getting past the difficulty of discovering his own identity amidst all those brutal routines and exhausting schedules, the company had delivered the harshest blow. They weren’t allowed to have a relationship with Yoongi.

And as a leader, Namjoon had been responsible for supervising them.

Even now, Jimin remembered the apologetic look in Namjoon’s eyes as he looked at them. The helplessness lying there. The helplessness of someone forced to stand on the opposite side while wanting to support them.

“Sometimes it’s hard to believe these things,” Jimin said as he absentmindedly took the phone back into his hand. He looked at Yoongi’s smiling face. There was no pressure, no coercion. It wasn’t someone else bringing up the topic, Yoongi himself had. He was saying it because he wanted to say it.

Sometimes Jimin worried that Yoongi was pushing himself into these kinds of actions because of the promises he had made about “trying,” but he also knew Yoongi well enough to tell when he was forcing himself.

“I know, Jimin-ah,” Taehyung said, draping his arm over his best friend’s shoulder without hesitation. “I know you’ve been through hard times, but… maybe this comeback will open some doors. Mm?”

Jimin tried to smile. “I hope so, Tae. I can’t handle being broken again.” He lowered his head slightly. The ring Yoongi had given him was still on his ring finger. He absentmindedly traced over it. “I just want to be happy.”

“I want both of you to be happy.” After whispering that against his hair, Taehyung left a small kiss there. “Maybe while you’re abroad, you can also take part in hyung’s effort.”

“What if it backfires?”

“What if it doesn’t?”

There was a brief silence. Jimin didn’t feel the need to repeat himself since he had already told Taehyung about his fears and anxieties countless times before. Because Tae knew better than anyone. He knew very well that Jimin was afraid of putting in effort again like before and not seeing anything in return.

The phone rang. Both of them looked at the name on the screen at the same time.

“Guess it’s time for you to go?”

Jimin smiled. He took a deep breath and nodded before answering the phone.

“Thanks, Taetae.”

“Always, Jimin-ah.”

- - -

Even though Yoongi looked tired, he was sitting in the back seat of the car right next to Jimin, murmuring as he looked at his phone screen.

“Hyung,” Jimin frowned. “Why are we thinking this much?”

“We don’t have any other time, and we won’t be able to use this list again until we come back to Korea.”

Jimin laughed. Until he left the practice room and met hyung in the parking lot, he had felt strangely like he was walking on clouds. Normally, his mind would fall into another dead end, but this time, for some reason, he was just happy. Hearing what Yoongi had said didn’t completely take away the unease inside him, but it was as if it had been covered with something sweet.

He leaned in. As he took the phone from Yoongi’s hand and looked at the next place on the list, he nodded to himself. Then, without thinking, he leaned forward and said to the driver, “We’re going to Hongdae.”

This was a routine they had started shortly before their enlistment period.

Once, Yoongi had said he had discovered a new restaurant and taken Jimin into an old, small, rundown place. The food had been one of the best things Jimin had ever eaten in his life, and the place had quickly become one of their favorites.

After that, Jimin made it his mission to discover new places. At first, his goal had been to find somewhere just as good as Yoongi’s discovery. But after a while, the purpose turned into something else. The two of them decided to make a list of places to explore for dates. That way, during sudden free moments in their schedules, they could visit the next place on their list without thinking.

Now, at least fifty restaurants lined up in the notes on Yoongi’s phone were waiting for them.

Jimin still found this idea a little sweet. Because sometimes, even though they were in an unnamed relationship, the fact that their dates were this special fueled something inside him. This unnamed relationship was, in a way, more real than anything else.

Also, after Yoongi’s recent comment about the ring, this relationship was, in a funny way, starting to resemble a marriage.

Jimin handed the phone back to Yoongi and moved closer until their legs pressed together.

Out of habit, Yoongi placed his hand on Jimin’s thigh. His fingers tightened slightly. “How was your day?”

“I ran into Tae in the practice room.”

And so, while the car tried to move through traffic, Jimin told Yoongi about that small part of his day as if he had never watched the program. When Yoongi called, he had quickly taken a shower and dried his hair, but he hadn’t styled it, and he complained about that. Still, as always, Yoongi complimented Jimin’s beauty and ran his hand through his hair. From time to time, they also gave directions to the driver.

Eventually, Jimin asked Yoongi to braid his hair again. There was no need to insist. As if he had done this not once but many times before, Yoongi reached for Jimin’s strands. With great care, he intertwined them and made a small, thin braid just like that day.

Since they didn’t have hair ties, they couldn’t secure it, but Jimin assumed it wouldn’t come undone quickly since it was small.

When the car finally stopped in one of the side streets of Hongdae, Jimin got out first. Yoongi followed right behind him.

The place was small. There was no one inside except for an elderly woman. She was sitting behind an old counter, filling the dough in front of her. Jimin greeted the woman respectfully as he stepped inside. Yoongi repeated the same greeting and stood beside Jimin. The woman, with a warm smile, told them, “Come in, come in.” She was probably old enough not to fully recognize who the two standing in front of her were.

In these small places they visited, Yoongi and Jimin always felt more at ease when the owners were elderly. Because people who didn’t recognize them always treated them more “real.”

As the woman wiped her hands on her apron, she stretched them out as much as she could, saying, “Aigooo.” Finally, she sat them at a table. “Who’s feeding you? Why are you so skinny?”

Jimin watched Yoongi swallow across from him. It was probably a habit left over from the past. One of the people most affected when Jimin was on strict diet programs had been Yoongi. And somehow, he had gotten used to becoming defensive against comments like these.

So before Yoongi could say anything, Jimin quickly smiled at the woman. “Our work schedule has been a bit busy, eommanim,” he said. By now, he knew very well that this was the kind of language older women like her loved the most. The moment you called them “eomma” instead of addressing them formally, you also entered their hearts. “We lost a bit of weight.”

“You need to be fed properly,” she muttered to herself. “Wait here.”

Then she turned around. Without feeling the need to take an order from either Yoongi or Jimin, she headed into the kitchen. After placing the filled mandu on a tray from the counter, she disappeared behind the wall.

Just a second after Yoongi and Jimin looked at each other, both of them were laughing. It was a light laugh. The kind of smile that came from the relief of realizing they were in the right place.

Sometimes, the owners of places recognized them. They would act with far more attention and formality than necessary. In the end, they would ask for an autograph. Soon after, either the owner or one of the Armys visiting the place would share those autographs on social media.

In the past, Yoongi didn’t want to give autographs just to avoid situations like that. Or even more, he would say he wanted to cook for Jimin at home. That was why Jimin had felt a little tense when the first post appeared on social media, but the only reaction he got from Yoongi had been, “It’s good for the place. The food was good, maybe this way they’ll get more customers.”

Jimin hesitantly reached across the table. As if it were their first date, he took Yoongi’s fingers. Yoongi reacted immediately. He intertwined his fingers with Jimin’s and smiled softly. At that, Jimin pulled his hand back. He made a fist and waited for Yoongi to grab it. Soon, it turned into a small game. As their hands moved in harmony with each other, the only sounds in the room were those coming from the kitchen.

“I like your hands,” Yoongi murmured absentmindedly. “They’re so small, so delicate. It’s obvious in every way that they’re a part of you.”

“Hyung—” Jimin shook his head from side to side, lowering it slightly. “I like your hands too. But since I want to talk about their areas of use, I’ll stay quiet.”

“We’re trying to have a romantic moment here, Jimin-ah.” Yoongi complained as if bothered, though that playful smile was still on his lips. “You’re a pervert.”

“When it comes to your hands, I can’t even deny it.”

They both giggled. Then Jimin intertwined their fingers again like before and looked at him. “I love you.”

Yoongi flinched slightly. It was obvious from everything about him that he hadn’t expected to hear that. It wasn’t the first time Jimin had said it to him. In fact, Jimin had said it to Yoongi more times than he could count. But lately -or rather, in the past few years- Jimin had been distant from that habit. A deliberate distance. As if he didn’t want to interrupt Yoongi’s effort. As if saying it too often again would bring back the old Yoongi.

But today, something felt different. As if his faith in Yoongi was stronger today.

“I love you too,” Yoongi said, almost like a whisper. “More than anything.”

“I know.”

The old woman came out of the kitchen holding a large tray. As she spread the dishes across the table and placed the chopsticks in front of them, she responded to Yoongi and Jimin helping her with lavish praise. In the end, she told them to eat well and walked away.

Yoongi didn’t seem to want to return to the food. He couldn’t take his eyes off Jimin. He didn’t reach out to hold his hands again, but he didn’t look away from his eyes either.

“Did something happen, Jimin-ah?”

“Actually, a lot is happening.”

“Tell hyung.”

Jimin’s smile widened. He reached out, took the chopsticks, and placed them into Yoongi’s hand. “Eat, hyung. Let’s talk while you eat.”

He picked up his own chopsticks. He watched Yoongi for a long time, as if making sure he started. Eventually, Yoongi gave in, held the chopsticks firmly, and picked up one of the dumplings. That was enough for Jimin to start eating with a satisfied expression. The taste of the dumpling spread in his mouth. It was a flavor that reminded him of those beautiful summer nights he spent at his grandmother’s when he was in elementary school. For a moment, it took Jimin back to his grandmother’s kitchen.

“It goes on the list of starred restaurants,” Yoongi mumbled with his mouth full. Since he already had a slight lisp, his voice sounded very funny and cute. As he hummed in approval at the taste, he picked up a perilla leaf. Filling it generously and holding it with his chopsticks, he extended it toward Jimin without thinking. Jimin rolled his eyes affectionately but leaned over the table and accepted it gladly.

Jimin chewed his bite slowly. Glancing at the table and fiddling with his chopsticks, he began like it was a casual question, “When we were in America…” This seemed to catch Yoongi’s attention immediately. “There were some contents we filmed for Youtube.”

“Hm? Yeah, there were actually a lot.”

“One was for a magazine, and the other was for a Youtube channel. The one with questions searched about us online.”

“I remember. Why?”

“You never talk about the games you play. Why did you mention your League of Legends rank there?”

Yoongi frowned. For a moment, he seemed unsure what to say. More than that, it was like he was thinking about both the question and the answer he had given. “I don’t know? Is that a problem?” It was obvious from the way he said it that he was genuinely trying to measure whether he had done something wrong.

Jimin shrugged. “We play it together.”

“I know, Jimin-ah, you built a whole room because of your love for games.”

“I built it for both of us.”

“And?”

Jimin sighed. He spent a lot of time in the gaming room at his place, and Yoongi joined him whenever he could. There were gaming chairs for both of them, shared screens, and everything. Before buying all of it, Jimin remembered how much he had bothered Jungkook for weeks and how many times he had gone shopping with him to understand exactly what they needed.

“That day… I was surprised. That you mentioned it, I mean. Then you looked at me. Actually, you’ve done that in all the interviews in America. I’m realizing it as I watch.”

“I always look at you, Jimin-ah…” Yoongi put his chopsticks down. “I don’t understand if there’s a problem?”

“I’m just trying to talk to you before my mind spirals into chaos and I have this conversation with myself and reach my own conclusions, hyung. You didn’t do anything wrong. You just make me curious. So let me ask.”

“Okay,” Yoongi said. Even though that questioning glint was still in his eyes, he looked calmer now.

“In another interview, during the rice cake talk, you brought up manggaetteok. Everyone knows that even though you didn’t like rice cakes before, you said you like manggaetteok. And that’s my nickname. And… and—” Jimin averted his gaze. “When I think about it, you brought the topic to me almost everywhere. When we came back, during the Run BTS shoots, you were more relaxed too. I don’t know how much they’ll edit, but Taehyung told me they aired the part where you revealed we shower together often.”

“Oh?” Yoongi raised his eyebrows as if surprised. Still, there was no panic. He didn’t seem bothered by it. He just looked surprised at the staff. “I’m actually glad. So many of our scenes were cut for years. It’s a nice surprise.”

“I was surprised too,” Jimin admitted. “But Taehyung made me watch the Epik High episode.”

“Hadn’t you watched it?”

“I didn’t know it was released.” Jimin picked up a dumpling and held it toward Yoongi’s lips. He watched those small lips he loved take the dumpling without questioning. He looked so cute that Jimin wanted to lean in and kiss him.

“And?”

“You said we’re neighbors.”

“Oh.” This time Yoongi looked a little flustered. Swallowing his bite quickly, he leaned forward over the table. “I’m sorry, Jimin-ah. I said it without asking you, but—”

Jimin blinked. “Is that why you’re sorry?”

They looked at each other. Yoongi blinked as if trying to understand the problem. “Yes?”

“Because you let it slip that we’re neighbors, right?”

“I didn’t let it slip that we’re neighbors.”

Another pause. This time Jimin was the one trying to understand. He looked like he was trying to figure it out. From the beginning, he had seen Yoongi’s effort. Of course he had, he appreciated it. But when the past was considered, some things existed on a different level. Even if others couldn’t see it, they were very valuable to Jimin.

“Did you say it on purpose? Because you wanted to? I mean… not because you felt like you had to, or—”

“Jimin.” Yoongi straightened up. As if he had just realized the seriousness of the matter, he reached out and took their hand-holding -something that had started as a small game- and held it more firmly this time. As the rings on their ring fingers shone side by side, Yoongi turned Jimin’s hand and intertwined their fingers. “I do everything because I want to, okay? This isn’t something I’m trying to prove to you. It’s something I want to do.”

“But—”

“No buts. I’m sorry I didn’t ask you, but we’ve been keeping this for a long time already, haven’t we? Actually, it wasn’t even about hiding it. We never intended that. There just wasn’t a proper place to say it.” He leaned his head slightly forward, looking into Jimin’s eyes more closely as if making sure he understood. “When I had the chance, I wanted to get it off my chest.”

“Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me for that, jagiya.”

Jimin shrugged. He tried to ignore the tears gathering in his eyes. “It’s just… This is something I’ve always dreamed of. Being visible. Letting people see that I mean something to you. I mean, I know we’re a family as a group and our Armys are aware of the love we have for each other, but you— You know, you’re a more private person. More reserved. That’s why I wanted… I mean— I wanted them to know I stand somewhere different, but—”

“Jimin, will you look at me?” Yoongi reached out. Without worrying about being seen, he held Jimin’s chin and lifted his face. “You are special. I’m sorry I was afraid to show that for years. I was stupid. And now I’m doing everything I can to change that.”

“I don’t want you to feel obligated—”

“I don’t feel obligated about anything.”

“The photos you posted on Instagram?” Jimin looked at him with teary eyes, as if expecting a different answer. “After our debut years, you stopped liking sharing photos and you have a social media manager, but you personally shared some of our photos and—”

“And I genuinely liked those photos. I wasn’t trying to prove anything to you. I wanted to share my boyfriend, so I did. That’s it.”

“We’re not boyfriend.”

“I don’t care what the company calls it, Jimin. To me, you’re my boyfriend, lover, the love of my life— technically even my spouse. If Taehyung allowed it, I’d be your soulmate too.”

“We should care about what the company says.”

“When half the company is ours, they should care about what we say.” Yoongi laughed. “I’m not as physically affectionate as you are,” he said, as if hesitating over something. “Sometimes I know you want to be close to me the way you are with Taehyung or Jungkook on stage.” He swallowed. “I want that too. Honestly, I’m sure all the members are better than me at that when it comes to you.”

“Hyung, no—”

“Listen to me,” Yoongi cut in gently. “But it’s not easy for me. Even when I try, I sometimes struggle with that on stage.”

“I don’t want you to force yourself.”

“That’s why I don’t.” Yoongi looked at him, eyes glinting. “If I stand next to you on stage, if I touch you, if I say something to you—I want it to be because I want to. That’s why I don’t force myself, okay? Don’t worry. I just don’t want you to be upset about this. If I can’t do something even though I want to do more, I don’t want you to misunderstand.”

“I know. I know. It’s just sometimes—” He stopped. He closed his eyes and took a few seconds for himself. “You know.”

Yoongi murmured. “We made mistakes. They won’t heal easily, but sometimes… I really love the moments when we forget those mistakes. You become more relaxed, you look happier, you enjoy being with me more. I want to spread that across everything.”

Jimin nodded. Taking a small step to pull himself out of the whirlpool in his mind, he said, “I was really hurt, but you weren’t the only reason.” He had never fully talked about this with Yoongi before. Because even without speaking, Yoongi knew what was inside him. “We were young, and I had a very cool and handsome hyung confessing his love to me.” Jimin laughed weakly. A tear he couldn’t stop slipped down. Now his gaze was on their hands joined on the table. “I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t even know who I was.”

“I was doing a lot to flirt with you.”

Jimin shook his head, chuckling. He wiped the tear from his cheek. “You kept talking about that big white teddy bear from an Army. You kept saying the teddy bear liked me, and I thought I was imagining the implication behind it.”

“I was too shy to say it directly.”

“You used to get into my bed at night!”

“We just cuddled and slept!”

They both laughed. Jimin lowered his head shyly. “I miss those days. We were so innocent. You’d hold my hand on the way back to the dorm and tell me I did well. You’d always worry because I pushed myself too hard. Before sleeping, you’d ask me over and over if I was hungry. On nights I hated my voice, you’d look at me from your bunk and praise it.” He shrugged faintly. “When you first got your studio, you were so excited. You didn’t want anyone to go in, but whenever I wanted, you let me in. Jungkook used to fight with me a lot because of that.”

Yoongi smiled so gently, so full of love. “Sometimes, when I felt like I’d lost my inspiration and couldn’t continue, you’d hug me and say it was okay. The next day, I’d finish at least three songs.”

“I’m your muse, right?”

“You are. You’ve always been.”

A brief silence fell. Because they both knew the terrible period that came after those small, sweet flirting days and confessions, it was almost like a mourning silence.

“Maybe we should have never told the company.”

“Even if we hadn’t said anything, we couldn’t have put Namjoon under that responsibility.”

Seesaw.

For Jimin, that period had remained like a timeline labeled as a seesaw. It was a difficult time for the group. And a difficult time for Yoongi and Jimin. Everything felt like it was piling up.

One day, Yoongi was lying next to Jimin. When they moved into the new dorms, they had to stay in separate rooms under the company’s instructions. So sometimes Yoongi would ask Seokjin to sleep in Jimin’s bed and secretly call Jimin to his room at night. They wouldn’t do anything. Sometimes they wouldn’t even talk. They acted as if there was a heavy, unbearable weight between them.

They weren’t allowed to be lovers. They didn’t have the courage to keep it secret. They weren’t strong enough to throw away their love and separate.

“You told me we should be friends with benefits,” Jimin said absently, tracing Yoongi’s fingers. “I think that hurt me the most.”

“I didn’t know what to do, Jimin. I was lost, and I didn’t want to lose you.” Yoongi swallowed. He looked like he was too ashamed to meet Jimin’s eyes. “I thought there were loopholes in our contract with the company. No dating, no kind of love that fans could understand but sex was allowed as long as the other person signed an NDA and we didn’t get caught. I was just—trying. Trying not to lose you.”

“I understand, hyung. It’s okay.” Jimin looked at the food left untouched on the table, now going cold despite how delicious it was. “After all, I accepted it too.”

“It was such a hard time to look into your eyes. You were so hurt then that sometimes I couldn’t even stand next to you.”

Jimin nodded. He had always assumed Yoongi didn’t want to talk about these things. The breakup had been a difficult process. Sometimes, despite all the fights, he would find himself in Yoongi’s bed. As if they had never been in love, as if it were just a one-night stand, they would part in the morning and go their separate ways. The messages they used to send each other every day had turned into nothing. Yoongi never, ever looked into Jimin’s eyes.

Now that they were talking about it, Jimin could see that Yoongi had been just as hurt as he was. He had tried too. He had struggled just as much. He had gone through the same pain. They had just carried it differently because of who they were.

“This was my revenge plan,” Jimin said, as if trying to steer the conversation elsewhere. “Since you kept holding me back when I was trying to be visible, I was going to keep staying unresponsive to your efforts throughout this comeback.”

“I wouldn’t have minded. I don’t expect anything from you.”

“But lately I’ve been very indecisive, hyung. Maybe I’m finally ready to forgive you completely.” He tilted his head slightly. “Still, after this conversation, you made me curious. Will you forgive me?”

“There’s no room left in me for any bad feelings, Jimin-ah,” Yoongi said. His voice sounded a little tired. “I’ve forgiven not just you, but all the bad memories from the past. So it’s okay. I’ll keep going. I’ll move forward so we can reach a beautiful future.”

Jimin felt something inside him snap. Or as if some pieces had finally fallen into place. It was like a part of that weight on his shoulders was dropping right there, in the middle of that old restaurant. Something felt different. As if his vision was slowly clearing.

Hatred, anger, resentment. What good could they possibly do? What was the point of trying to take revenge on someone he loved as much as Yoongi? Was it worth trying to hurt someone who looked at him with so much love, who approached him with such tenderness, who knew him this well?

“I hate you,” Jimin said at last, laughing. “I hate you because I love you this much.”

“I know.” Yoongi smiled. With the gentlest eyes, he looked at him as if he were the most precious thing in the world. “I love you too.”

Jimin rolled his eyes. “Idiot hyung.”

Yoongi chuckled. As he tightened his hold on Jimin’s hand, he glanced briefly at the table. “She’s going to kill us for not eating these,” he said, referring to the elderly owner of the place.

Jimin raised his brows and looked at the table with wide eyes, sighing. His lips parted slightly as he stared at all the food in front of them.

“Then let’s finish them,” he said.

And as if they hadn’t just faced the full weight of the past, they continued their meal more lightly.

- - -

When a hollow, empty night falls
I find myself calling out to you again like this
Yeah, I'm lost, can I come over?
I just wanna say I'm sorry
I hate myself like this
Yeah, I'm lost, can I come over?

Baby, don't do me like that
It's been a long time now
Since the day we drifted apart
I'll bury what we had I'm sorry
I know I'm a little late
You've been doing okay, haven't you?
If we start again
I won't lose you this time

When a hollow, empty night falls
I find myself calling out to you again like this
Yeah, I'm lost, can I come over?
I just wanna say I'm sorry
I hate myself like this
Yeah, I'm lost, can I come over?

You'll never love me like
The way you did before
But would you open up
If I knocked on your door?

Knock, knock, knockin' on your door
My blood on the floor
Just checkin' on your door
What the hell am I doin' this for?
You act like done with past life
Then you pass like dust in a flashlight
Smoke in black night, we so dead, right?
But I hate metaphors

When a hollow, empty night falls—

Yoongi suddenly appeared at the door. He stood there holding a wooden spoon in his hand. He looked at Jimin lying on the bed and at the music playing from the phone resting on his bare stomach. As if in some kind of trance, Jimin lay sprawled in the middle of his double bed, arms and legs spread, as though he hadn’t even noticed Yoongi had arrived.

The song went on, and on, and on. Yoongi stood there, as if trying to understand what Jimin was doing.

As if daring you, hit your heart right now
Flesh without front or back, just at the edge of the cliff
It hurts, I cry again, but I don't care, can I, I?
If it's you nothing bothers me, my savior

Sharp and cutting, even if it wounds me, it's still my page
I'm past the pain maybe that's why I fight myself every day

Yeah, I’m the rover who found the answer, I’m floating
Can I come over?
'Cause it's not over

The song ended. As if he had been waiting for it, Jimin, without taking his eyes off the ceiling, said, “You didn’t write this song in Los Angeles. You wrote it here. You knocked on my door at dawn, asked if you could come over, came in, played the guitar for hours, and wrote part of it while I was right next to you.”

Yoongi said nothing. He just walked into the room. Sitting by the headboard, he ran his fingers through Jimin’s hair spread across the bed. He gently stroked it.

“In Los Angeles, you only finished the last paragraph, and you were very insistent about the song being on the album.”

“You’re overthinking again, Jimin-ah,” Yoongi said, a smile carried in his voice. “If you’re curious, yes, I thought about you a lot in some of the lyrics.”

“You said it was for our fans.”

“Because it is. Because while I was in the military, I was separated from both of you. Things happened with my fans, and things happened between us. I… didn’t know if either of you would accept me again when I came back.” Yoongi shrugged. “I found some answers for myself in Los Angeles. That’s why it was easier to finish the song.”

Jimin sat up from where he lay. As if he hadn’t expected to see a wooden spoon in Yoongi’s hand, he let out a small laugh, took the spoon, and placed it on the nightstand. After the night, the blanket was gathered messily at the foot of the bed. Jimin was wearing nothing but loose sweatpants.

It was obvious Yoongi had woken up early and taken a shower. He had probably, as always, prepared breakfast for Jimin and then come to wake him up.

Jimin crawled on his knees across the bed toward Yoongi. He took Yoongi’s face in both hands and held it tightly. It was so tight that Yoongi’s lips puckered forward like a fish.

“I hate the part where you say I’ll never love you like I did before,” he said at last. His eyes were shining like glass. It was debatable why he had listened to this song first thing in the morning and thought about it this much, but somehow he looked deeply affected. “I hate that part so much.”

Yoongi stayed still, caught between Jimin’s hands, looking surprised.

“I’m going to love you more every single day, Min Yoongi. Do you hear me? I’m going to wake up every morning loving you more, and I don’t care what you think or what you write in those songs. The next time you write lyrics about me, you’re not going to forget this, understand?”

“Jimin—”

“Don’t say a word and kiss me.”

Yoongi blinked. As usual, it was as if he was questioning how he had ended up in this situation while simply preparing breakfast, but then instead of resisting, he chose to go along with it. Placing his hands over Jimin’s, he leaned in. He brought their lips together and took the first step into a deep kiss.

Their lips moved toward each other out of habit. As the kiss deepened, Jimin rose onto his knees, leaning further into Yoongi. When Yoongi’s shoulder finally touched the headboard, Jimin let out a soft whine and pressed even closer. As if they hadn’t spent a long time in this very bed just last night, he kissed Yoongi more deeply with need.

As if he was kissing him for the first time in centuries.

Yoongi reflexively wrapped one arm around Jimin’s bare waist. As he murmured into his mouth, he allowed Jimin to settle into his lap.

“Breakfast—”

“I’ll reheat everything for you.” Jimin moved down toward his neck without letting him interrupt the moment. Aware that he shouldn’t leave any marks on Yoongi before the concert, he restrained the intensity of his open-mouthed kisses.

He tugged up Yoongi’s tshirt. As he pushed him back onto the bed, he kept rolling his hips. “Baby, we don’t have time.”

“Mm, yeah, we don’t.” Jimin murmured. He pressed harder against Yoongi, who was already hardening beneath him. He wasn’t trying to take it further. He just felt the need to make Yoongi feel good. And he wasn’t going to stop until he did.

“Jimin-ah.” Yoongi squeezed his eyes shut with a soft groan, trying one last time to stop him. But he was a weak man when it came to this.

Ignoring him, Jimin moved again, deliberately rolling his hips in a way that showed every curve of his waist. He was so intentional that at this point, Yoongi would have had to become something divine to stop him.

His moans grew louder. When Jimin realized Yoongi was close, he pressed a kiss to his forehead and slipped off his lap. He dropped to his knees on the floor. When he pulled down Yoongi’s sweatpants, he was met with his hardened length. He wasn’t wearing anything underneath.

Seconds later, Yoongi had his fingers tangled in Jimin’s long blonde hair, moving into his mouth just the way Jimin liked. Jimin, lips parted, looked up at him as if ready to take anything Yoongi gave him. There was still a haze in his eyes. Lust and desire. He hollowed his cheeks slightly.

“Fuck, fuck.” Yoongi didn’t want to look away from him. Still, his eyes fell shut for a few seconds from the pleasure. When he picked up the pace, Jimin pressed his fingers into Yoongi’s thigh as if searching for support.

“Are you okay?” Yoongi stopped, breathless. Even though it clearly took effort, he was trying to check on him. “Angel?”

When Jimin pulled away, a thin strand of saliva stretched between his lips and Yoongi’s length. With those dark eyes, he leaned down again. As he moved to take him into his mouth again, he hummed softly. “Hm. Why did you stop?”

“You grabbed my thighs.”

“I needed support.” Jimin murmured, dragging his tongue slowly along the tip. “Fuck my mouth, hyung, I’m fine.” he said as he pulled back. “I want to hear you moan my name.”

Yoongi was a weak man. When it came to Jimin, he was very, very weak.

He grabbed Jimin’s hair again, harder this time. Driven by the raw desire of being close, he moved faster. When he felt the tightness of Jimin’s throat, he was muttering, “Jimin... You’re so good, you’re so beautiful for me—” and after a few more thrusts, he let go with a deep, hoarse groan. “Fuck.”

Ignoring the drops running down his chin, Jimin took everything Yoongi gave him. After swallowing and pulling back slightly, he rested his cheek against Yoongi’s thigh, exhausted. As he waited to catch his breath, Yoongi held onto him like a lifeline, his fingers pressing into Jimin’s scalp.

After the minute they gave themselves, Yoongi stroked his hair. Knowing how much he liked praise, he said, “You were so good, my love. So good, you made me feel so good.”

Jimin hummed in satisfaction. He pressed a small kiss to the inside of Yoongi’s thigh and looked up at him from where he was.

“Now I need you to wash me.”

Yoongi smiled fondly. He didn’t refuse. He simply helped Jimin up and, as they walked toward the bathroom, said, “We’re going to be late. You’re taking responsibility for this.”

“We’ll say we took Tang to the vet.”

“You already used that excuse last time.” Yoongi pushed him into the shower. As he helped him undress, he added, “Also, you’re not a good dad. You can’t keep using our child for your lies.”

“Tang loves me more, so I have some privileges.”

Yoongi rolled his eyes. After setting the water to its usual temperature, he pulled Jimin under it. Then, as if not accepting any objections, he dropped to his knees, running his hands over Jimin’s entire body.

“Your knees will hurt.”

“I’m fine. Let me have my breakfast.”

Jimin giggled as Yoongi started touching him. “Sometimes you’re terrible at flirting.”

“Tell me you don’t like it.”

“I like it.”

“Good.” Yoongi licked his lips as if there was genuinely something delicious in front of him. Then he leaned in and took Jimin into his mouth. He had always been very good at this. Jimin knew that very, very well. Leaning his back against the wall, hissing at the cold tiles, he placed his hands on Yoongi’s shoulders. He was already turned on from what had just happened and fully hard, so Yoongi’s tongue -good enough to be written about- didn’t have to do much.

It didn’t take long before Jimin came apart, throwing his head back and releasing into Yoongi’s mouth. Yoongi didn’t look away as he swallowed everything. When he finished, before standing up, he pressed kisses to Jimin’s kneecaps.

When he got up, he pulled Jimin close by the waist and pressed a kiss into his hair. Under the water, their bodies moved together as one, swaying gently as if dancing to a romantic song. Jimin used the moment to shake off the haze of his release. As he slowly came back to himself, he stroked the hair at the nape of Yoongi’s neck. Yoongi, as if he had memorized them, traced the moon tattoos on Jimin’s back without even looking, giving each one the same care.

Jimin pulled back slightly to look at him. As if searching for something, Yoongi studied his face carefully, then reached out to brush a strand of hair away from his forehead. It was a sweet habit of his. He often gently pushed Jimin’s hair aside and sometimes left a small kiss on his forehead.

He did the same now. But this time he didn’t stop. He repeated the kisses on his forehead, his eyelids, his lashes, down to the tip of his nose. Finally, he rested his forehead against his.

“Yeah, I’m the rover who found the answer,” Yoongi whispered, referencing Come Over. “I’m floating.”

Jimin nodded with a soft smile. “Because it's not over.”

Then he leaned in and kissed Yoongi once more.