Work Text:
Buck was tired.
He was tired of the silence, the cold shoulders, the loneliness. He couldn’t bear to spend another minute alone in his loft, so as he got into the jeep after his shift, he decided he would go for a long drive instead of returning to the oppressive silence. He kept snacks and water in the jeep along with a couple of pillows and a blanket, a habit leftover from his days on the road, and he had a spare uniform and change of clothes in his duffel along with some toiletries…maybe he wouldn’t go back to the loft at all tonight.
***
The drive was more refreshing than he thought it would be. Watching the city shrink behind him in the rear view mirror as the knot in his chest loosened slightly. The buildings of the city giving way to trees as the jeep climb steadily into the hills surrounding LA. He took turns at random, no real destination in mind beyond going.
It was late by the time Buck decided to pull off of the road and make himself comfortable for the night. He ate a few of the car snacks, brushed his teeth and used a bottle of water to swish and to clean his toothbrush, then climbed into the passenger side after laying the seat back and making himself as comfortable as he could with the pillows and the blanket.
He finally drifted off after making sure his alarms were set earlier than normal to give him plenty of time to get back.
***
Somehow, Buck overslept the next morning. His phone hadn’t died and he had the missed alarm notification, so he wasn’t entirely sure what had happened there. Whatever it was, he didn’t have time to deal with it in that moment, he needed to get moving if he wanted to make it even somewhat on time to work.
After brushing his teeth and quickly changing, Buck set the passenger side to rights after simply tossing the blankets and pillows into the back with every intention of dealing with it after his shift or while he was man behind during one of the 118’s many calls.
With a sigh, Buck checked his phone before cursing when he realized he would definitely be late. Resigning himself to the dressing down he was going to receive, Buck made his way towards the driver side and got in with a groan of defeat. He’d just buckled himself in and turned the key in the ignition when the sound of squealing tires and a horn blowing caught his attention.
He looked up just in time to lock eyes with a terrified kid, then he was being thrown sideways as the world spun around him.
***
“Buck’s late. Buck’s never late.” Hen looked slightly anxious as she watched the bay doors like a hawk.
“Maybe he’s finally decided to put us out of our misery and fuck off.” Eddie slammed his locker shut, the words tasting bitter on his tongue even as he refused to take them back.
“Seriously, Eddie? What the hell is wrong with you lately? He’s apologized, he’s accepted everything thrown his way, why can’t you get over yourself and move past it?”
“And let him back into Christopher’s life just in time for him to walk out again? No, thanks.”
“He didn’t walk away from Chris, Eddie. And the way you’re acting about it? Sounds an awful lot like a scorned lover.”
Before Eddie could snap back at her, the tones went off, violently breaking the moment. Gritting his teeth, he followed Hen out of the locker room, hopping into the engine while pointedly ignoring the ache in his chest that hit him every time he saw Buck’s empty seat.
“Dispatch is sending us to an MVA up in the hills. Seventeen year old kid lost control of the car as she was coming around a curve, slammed into another vehicle that was parked in the turnout spot. Kid says the other vehicle rolled down into a ravine, but she couldn’t tell if the driver was alive or not.” Bobby’s steady voice carried through the headset, relaying all of the information he’d been given.
“How bad are they thinking?”
“Medevac has been called in to meet us, just in case...they also have a coroner is on standby.”
***
The world came back slowly, in fractured and out of order jagged pieces. As consciousness returned, so did the pain.
A wet, choked off cough followed by a gasping breath made his chest feel like it was being broken open as he tried to orient himself. His arms felt like lead as he tried to lift them, his breath wheezing out as he reached to cover his head before clumsily fumbling for the buckle. A moment of weightlessness hit him before he slammed into the ground, a broken scream leaving him before he registered the water.
Buck!
Where did all of the water go?
BUCK!
“Chris…” He began the agonizing process of rolling to his knees, slowed by the fact that he couldn’t put any weight on his left arm.
He blinked sluggishly at the water rushing in around his knees, swaying slightly as he lifted his head to find an opening to escape through. Uncaring of the glass cutting into his skin, Buck crawled his way out before stumbling to his feet, only to collapse to his knees a moment later as a wave of nausea slammed into him.
When he was done puking, he shakily wiped his mouth before forcing himself up onto his feet. Picking a direction at random, he began stumbling forward.
He had to keep going.
He had to find Christopher.
***
“Alright, all three of you need to harness up, I’ll coordinate from up here. The 217 should be landing in the next five minutes, so we need to move.”
Eddie, Hen, and Chimney got to work quickly, harnessing up and grabbing everything they thought they’d need to extract and stabilize the driver…pending they were still alive.
They were still setting up the winches when Eddie finished grabbing his gear, so he inched towards the edge and peeked over, grimacing at the wreckage below. A wave of dread washed over him as he took in what he could see of the twisted underbelly, but he shook it off when Bobby called out to him to get hooked up.
“How’s it look?” Chimney was being clipped in, but his eyes were focused on Eddie when he spoke.
“It’ll be a miracle if anyone survived that.” They shared grim looks before nodding to signal they were ready to be lowered down.
When they finally touched down, Eddie was quick to unhook himself before turning towards the destroyed vehicle…only to freeze in horror when it finally registered exactly what the vehicle was.
“Bobby, the vehicle is a jeep.” He heard Hen and Chimney’s twin sounds of alarm as they froze next to him. “I repeat, the vehicle is Buck’s jeep.”
He didn’t wait for his captain’s response, his body already moving on autopilot as he rushed forward, water lapping at his ankles, and used the jaws to break open the crumpled driver side door.
“What the hell? Where is he?”
“What’s going on? Is Buck alive?” The three of them shared a glance, already moving by unspoken agreement to look for any clues. “Eddie, Chimney, Hen…someone tell me what is going on down there.”
“Cap, Buck is gone. It looks like he managed to pull himself out through the windshield…” Eddie spun around from where he stood on the bank, spotting Hen’s crouched form by what was left of the windshield. “There’s a lot of blood here and I found some vomit on the bank…from the looks of it, Buck is likely suffering from internal bleeding. Given that he’s wandered off, I’d bet that he has some head trauma and is confused. We need to find him as fast as possible.”
“Over here! I’ve got a trail!” Chim’s shout was like a breath of fresh air after the news Hen had delivered.
Eddie crouched next to the boot prints left in the mud, tuning out Chimney’s relay up to Bobby as he began looking around. He found signs of Buck’s disoriented movements all over; impressions in the mud, blood smeared on the trees, crushed vegetation…it was a terrifying and beautiful sight all at once.
As they set off after Buck, Eddie quietly prayed that they wouldn’t be too late.
***
Everything was too bright around him, sunlight reflecting off of the water directly into his eyes as he looked around wildly for Christopher. His voice had given out on him, barely coming out above a whisper now as he tried in vain to call for the little boy.
Yellow and white striped shirt.
Red glasses.
Buck clung to those two details as he stumbled along, wheezing and biting back cries of pain every time he stumbled or fell. He couldn’t stop looking, he couldn’t let the pain slow him down.
Eddie would never forgive him if he’d truly lost Christopher.
***
“Buck!” All three of them were yelling the man’s name, praying for a response of some kind as they followed his stumbling trail, only to be met with silence beyond the normal woodland sounds.
Eddie crouched next to a spot where Buck had obviously fallen to his knees.
“Have you guys noticed that every time we find a spot where he fell, it’s only his right hand leaving behind an impression? Never his left.”
“I mean…it makes sense. The car impacted on the driver side, so it could be that he’s dealing with a dislocated or broken arm.” Hen frowned while she spoke, eyes roaming the area as she looked for more evidence of Buck’s path.
“I’m just shocked he’s managing to move so fast. I feel like we should’ve caught up to him by now.” Chim was standing behind Eddie, looking over his shoulder.
“Something’s driving him.”
Nothing could’ve prepared Eddie for exactly what was driving Buck.
***
It was getting harder and harder to keep getting back up every time he fell, just as it was getting harder to keep his eyes open and his head up, but he couldn’t stop. He had to keep going. If he stopped, then that meant he would be giving up on Christopher, and Buck would never give up on that kid.
He wouldn’t survive it if he failed.
***
They were a mile away from where they’d found Buck’s jeep when Eddie spotted him, the sight of Buck sending a rush of relief through him so powerful that it nearly brought him to his knees.
“Buck!” He took off running, the others right behind him, catching up to Buck just as the man’s legs gave out from under him.
Eddie caught him, slowly lowering them the rest of the way to the ground even as Buck began to squirm and struggle in his arms. He shifted to lay Buck flat on his back, but Buck’s pleading stopped him in his tracks.
“No, no, no, please! I-I can’ stop, have to keep…have to keep goin’. Need to…need to find Chris-Christopher…” Buck’s voice was slurred and soft, his chest heaved as he spoke, as if every word took more effort than he could manage. His eyes were hazy and unfocused, one pupil noticeably larger than the other. “Gotta…find ‘im…c-can’t…face Ed-Eddie if I lose ‘im…”
The ground felt like it had dropped out from under Eddie at Buck’s words, his gaze snapping up to see Hen and Chimney’s shocked and horrified expressions.
“Buck…Chris is safe, okay? He’s safe.” A flicker of a awareness passed over Buck’s face, the haze clearing for one glorious moment…then it was gone and the three of them had to move fast to hold a struggling Buck.
“No! You don’ und’stan’, he’s just..jus’ a lil boy. Gotta…find ‘im…” Buck’s struggling was getting weaker, but Eddie’s panic was rising. “He’s got…he’s got CP…r-red glasses…yellow an’ white str-striped shirt…curly…curly hair…” Buck was panting harder by the time his body stopped fighting back.
“Bobby, we’re a mile south of the crash site. It’s…God, it’s bad, Bobby. Medevac would get him to a hospital faster than us waiting for a backboard and carrying him back.” Chimney stepped away while he spoke into his radio, but Eddie tuned out after he finished speaking. All of his focus narrowing down to Buck.
“Eds gon’…gon’ h-hate me. Nev’ gon’…fo’give me…” Buck’s voice was getting softer, his eyelids drooping. “Shoul’a died un’er tha’ truck…” Then he just…went still.
Eddie let out a choked off sound of alarm as he finally shifted to get Buck laying flat on his back, hands reaching for Buck’s neck before he felt his own heart stop. There was no response under his fingers, no matter how hard he pressed.
“Hen, there’s no pulse.” He didn’t look up from Buck’s slack and bloodied face. “Starting compressions.” If anyone were to ask him what Hen said in response, he wouldn’t have been able to give them an answer. His entire existence had narrowed down to only one goal: getting Buck’s heart to beat again.
With every compression, his regret grew. Words he wouldn’t be able to ever take back, silences he’d never be able to undo, actions he’d never be able to make right…so many things he’d never be able to apologize for if he couldn’t get Buck’s heart to beat again. So many things he’d never get to say if he couldn’t bring Buck back.
“Medevac is two minutes out.” Someone, probably Chimney, spoke up from above him. The words sounded far off, his hands pulling back and returning on autopilot as he paused to let someone pump air into Buck’s lungs. “C’mon, Buck. Don’t make me have to tell your sister that her baby brother died on my watch…don’t make me lose another brother, man…”
Just as he registered the faint sound of an approaching helicopter, Buck took in a gasping breath. The wave of relief that slammed into him almost made him collapse, but he forced himself to remain steady as he helped Hen and Chimney to stabilize Buck before helping to load him into the basket. He wished he could go with him when Buck was lifted up and raised into the helicopter, but he’d only be in their way.
All he could do now was figure out how the hell he was going to tell Christopher that their favorite person in the world had almost died…
Again.
***
Buck was drifting.
His surroundings filtered in and out of awareness. A gentle pressure here, unintelligible and soothing words there.
Nothing stayed with him except the darkness he was floating in.
Sometimes he felt a searing pain in his leg, other times he heard the crashing of a distant wave, but he always felt alone. It made him want to stay in the darkness, even as the world around him tried to call him back.
But he didn’t have a reason to go back anymore.
***
“I want to see Buck.” Eddie sighed, Christopher’s stubborn demand having become a daily routine in the week since Buck’s accident.
“I know, mijo, but they don’t allow kids in the ICU. We’ve been over this, bud.” Eddie was trying to be patient, but even he could admit he was growing more and more restless the longer Buck’s coma persisted.
“But he needs me, dad!” It was the same argument they’d been having all week.
“I know, but I still can’t take you to see him.” His heart broke when Christopher’s eyes filled with tears, his chin wobbling even as his face twisted into something eerily similar to Buck’s own stubborn expression. “How about this; if Buck is still asleep at the end of this week, I promise to try and sneak you in. But if we get caught, you can’t throw a tantrum, deal?” He watched, holding his breath, as Chris’s stubborn look relaxed into something more contemplative.
“Deal.” Eddie blew out a relieved breath, shaking his kids hand. “But, you have to promise me you’ll give him this in the meantime.” Christopher held out the small Dory plush they were going to gift to Buck before the lawsuit threw a wrench in their plans. Christopher had the Nemo plush which he slept with every night, while Eddie’s Marlin sat on his nightstand.
“I promise.” Eddie took the offered stuffed animal, getting up from the couch to set it with his keys so that Christopher knew he was serious. “Now, let’s get ready for bed.”
As he tucked Christopher into bed a little while later, Nemo plush gripped tightly to his kids chest, Eddie sent out another silent prayer for Buck to wake up soon.
***
“Christopher misses you.” It had now been two weeks since Buck had slipped into a coma. Bobby had granted Eddie leave so that Buck wouldn’t ever be alone while the others were on shift. “Dios, the last time I said that to you, I was trying to hurt you…now I’m praying it brings you back.” He sniffled, scrubbing one hand over his face while the other gripped Buck’s lax hand.
“Chris was over the moon when I told him that the nurses have been making sure you have Dory with you at all times.” The plush in question was currently nestled between Buck’s cast covered left arm and his stitch covered torso. “He said our next movie night, we’ll be watching Finding Nemo with all of us and our stuffed animals together…” Like the family we’re supposed to be. He blinked away a rush of tears, adjusting the edge of Buck’s blanket just to have something to do.
“Abuela and tía Pepa are very excited for when you wake up, they miss how much you enjoy their food and gossip.” He moved his free hand through Buck’s hair, fingers working to gently untangle the growing mess of curls that were making themselves known without Buck to cut them away or gel them down.
“Maddie misses gossiping with you about what’s going on at dispatch…well, she misses you being able to respond. She comes by everyday she isn’t working to gossip at you…I genuinely think I may hate Josh? Is it possible to hate a person when you’ve never actually met them?” He frowned, shaking his head.
“The others were all off shift yesterday. Athena stayed with you while the rest of us went by your place. We cleared out your fridge and watered your plants, did some cleaning as well. I rearranged your pillows for you, but I’d prefer if you stayed at my place when you were released…I understand if you don’t want to, though. I haven’t exactly been a great friend recently.” His thumb began idly rubbing across Buck’s knuckles.
“Bobby won’t say it to any of us, but he definitely misses his sous chef in the kitchen. Chimney has been permanently banned from helping while Hen is apparently on thin ice…he probably would’ve banned me from the kitchen by now as well if I were there.” He chuckled softly, his small smile dimming almost immediately.
“They’re talking about downgrading you from the ICU tomorrow since your internal injuries are healing well and the brain swelling has dropped significantly. Chris will be happy since that means he’ll be able to visit you himself…he’d be even happier if you were awake for it as well.” Eddie paused, waiting for a shift he knew wouldn’t come.
“Thanksgiving is in three days, cariño…I know we’d all be really grateful if you woke up and could join us. Bobby and Athena are cooking with Michael and then we’re all going to be meeting in your new room to eat since none of us wanted to leave you by yourself for the holiday. I doubt the nurses will be too pleased with us, but Bobby said they’re making extra food to bribe them with.” Eddie leaned forward, lifting Buck’s hand to his lips while his eyes fell shut.
“The doctor said there shouldn't be anything keeping you in the coma anymore, that you’re probably choosing not to wake up on some level…I know you probably think you have nothing to come back for anymore, but you do. We're all waiting for you, Christopher is waiting for you, so just…come back to us. Come back to me.” He let his head fall forward, cheek resting on the back of Buck's hand.
“Please wake up, Evan.” The tears he'd been holding back finally fell as his quiet plea went unanswered.
***
Buck could feel himself beginning to surface, aware of more things happening around him. He’d put together that he was in the hospital, the sterile smell and scratchy sheets giving it away.
More often than not, he could feel a hand wrapped around his own or fingers gently carding through his hair whenever he came close to surfacing. Sometimes words floated through, too disjointed for him to fully make sense of no matter how much he tried to focus his drifting mind.
This time felt different, though. The usual sterile hospital smell was replaced with warm, delicious smells that reminded him of home and family, but that couldn’t be true…he didn’t have those anymore. He felt a frown tug at his lips, his fingers twitching minutely as he tried to make sense of the delicious aroma invading his drifting mind as it enticed him further towards a consciousness he didn’t want.
The soft hum of voices that he’d let fade into the background suddenly ceased, a gentle weight that had been pressed to his side without him noticing also disappeared, causing his frown to deepen further.
He heard movement, followed by a door opening, then a hand was placed on his shoulder.
“Evan?” That was Maddie's voice…why was Maddie with him? “Take your time, baby brother, we're all here with you.” All of them? That couldn't be right. “The lights have already been dimmed, so you don't have to worry about that when you're ready to open your eyes.” That was polite of her.
He stayed drifting just below the surface, his eyebrows pulled together and a frown firmly in place as he tried to fully make sense of Maddie's words.
All of them couldn't be correct. Eddie hated him now, he had to hate Buck now. Buck had lost…
Christopher.
With that thought, Buck's eyes flew open wide as he sucked in a harsh, panicked breath. The world was blurry, voices overlapped, and everything was too much after the isolating darkness he'd been drifting in for who knew how long.
“Chris!” A hand landed on his shoulder, heavier than Maddie's, causing him to flinch. “Gotta…find ‘im…lost ‘im…’m sorry, ‘m sorry!” Tears were streaming down his face as he fought to sit up, ignoring the screaming protests of his body and the hands trying to hold him down.
“Buck!” His body locked up, frozen by a voice he thought he'd never hear again. His chest was heaving as he blinked and squinted, desperately trying the see the person attached to that voice. “You saved me, Buck!” A broken sob left him, a denial on the tip of his tongue as he shook his head. “Help me onto the bed, please?”
He couldn't see who Chris was speaking to, but someone helped the kid up onto the bed, the gentle weight from before settling against his side once more. He tried to lift his left hand, but it felt weighed down so he gave up and awkwardly lifted his right arm, having to wiggle his arm from between his body and Christopher's. He shakily maneuvered until his trembling hand could be buried in Christopher's curls, pulling the kid against his chest as he cried from relief.
“I'm okay, Buck, I promise.” He felt Christopher shift until he could carefully wrap an arm around Buck's torso. They stayed like that for a few minutes until the sound of approaching footsteps caught his attention.
“Mister Buckley,” Buck lifted his head, turning towards where he thought the voice was coming from. “I’m Doctor Stirling, I took over your care a couple of days ago after you were transferred out of the ICU.” Buck’s brows pulled together once more, frowning in confusion. “Can you tell me the last thing you remember?”
“I remember…” His arm tightened around Christopher. “I remember the tsunami…trying to find Chris…” He blinked, squinting off the the side with a frown. “And then it’s blank.” Several sharp inhales were heard around the room. He winced slightly as Christopher’s arm tightened around him, the hands on his shoulders doing the same.
“Right,” He heard a pen scratching as the doctor wrote something down. “Mister Buckley, you’ve been in a coma for the last two weeks, today is Thanksgiving.” Well, that explained the smell. Buck was about to ask what had happened to put him in a coma when he realized the timeline wasn’t matching up.
“Wait…two weeks? It can’t possibly be Thanksgiving if I’ve only been out two weeks…”
“I apologize, I should’ve led with this. The tsunami happened back in September, you were in a car accident two weeks ago.”
“Is that…why I can’t see?” The room seemed to still around him.
“A persistent comatose state can temporarily impact your vision, but it is more than likely a result of the head trauma you received. The brain swelling you experienced likely put just enough pressure on the optic nerves to disrupt communication signals, we won’t know if it’s temporary or permanent until you’re further along in the healing process. Are you ready to hear your other injuries?”
“Yes, please…” He was honestly terrified to know what the damage was.
“Your left arm was broken from collarbone to wrist and required surgical intervention to properly set. You had several broken ribs, some from the accident and some from the CPR given on scene, that resulted in internal bleeding due to a nick to your liver and a puncture to your spleen, the spleen was removed and your liver was repaired. The swelling of your brain that was able to be managed without surgical intervention. You have multiple lacerations all over your body from the glass shattering and pulling yourself through a windshield, so you currently have quite a number of stitches. We also had to initiate a massive blood transfusion protocol to replace what you’d already lost.”
“That’s…a lot. What about my leg?” He was dreading the answer.
“Ah, I was informed that you would likely ask about that at some point. Both of your legs are fine, no injuries to them beyond some bruising and some cuts which is a miracle in itself given what I’ve been told about the accident.”
He slumped back against the pillows, relief momentarily overwhelming him.
“You’re quite the fighter, Mister Buckley. Not many would have survived in your circumstances, especially on blood thinners.”
The doctor began discussing treatment plans and other details that Buck couldn’t focus on right then, but that was okay since there was apparently a room full of people who would listen and take notes for him. He was still reeling from the fact that Christopher was here and that Eddie somehow didn’t hate him for losing his son, even temporarily.
When the doctor left, the room seemed to explode with noise. He tensed, unable to follow any of the words until Maddie suddenly shouted for everyone to quiet down.
“Sorry Buck,” Bobby, “I guess it’s all a bit overwhelming to you right now.”
“I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that Chris is here and that I’ve apparently lost two months worth of memories.”
“Yeah, but the doctor said it was most likely temporary…” There was something significant in Hen’s voice, something that made him think he was missing quite a bit of context. “Other than the memories, why are you surprised that Christopher is here?” At some point, the kid in question had dozed off against Buck’s side if his soft snores were anything to go by.
“Because I lost him…I had him, but I looked away for a second and he was just…gone. How can that possibly be forgiven?”
“Buck,” He tried to follow Athena’s voice, head turning in her general direction. “A natural disaster happened, you ran yourself into the ground trying to find that boy.”
“But I lost him, Athena! I had one job that day, and I completely failed at it! How can Eddie ever forgive me for that?” The heavy hand on his shoulder, that he’d somehow forgotten about, tightened.
“Quite easily, actually.” Buck froze, his heart skipping a beat. “I know you currently don’t remember, so I’ll tell you again. There is no one in this world that I trust more with my son than you.” As if the words were a trigger, the memory unfolded in his mind, blurry and muted but there. He blinked rapidly against the sudden wave of dizziness.
“You said that to me in the loft…”
“You remember?” Eddie’s voice was full of surprise.
“I didn’t until you said what you said, and it’s still a little hazy around the edges, but yeah…I remember it.”
“Good.” Eddie’s hand squeezed his shoulder once more before retreating.
“Are you hungry?” His head swiveled towards Maddie’s voice.
“We have all of your favorites!” He was going to make himself dizzy trying to follow everyone’s moving voices, though it was nice to hear Chimney’s voice.
“Buck, bud, maybe stop trying to find all of us. I can see how queasy it’s making you.” He wasn’t expecting Michael’s voice, though he guessed he shouldn’t really be surprised.
“I think the doctor mentioned wanting to start you out on some broth at first, I’ll go bug the nurses for some.” He didn’t bother trying to follow Karen’s voice as it moved through the room, although she must’ve been sitting by Hen since that’s where her voice started out.
“I really hope the blurry vision is temporary.” Small chuckles could be heard from everyone in the room.
Despite the easy chatter that picked up around him, Buck couldn’t help but feel like there was something big he was missing. Everyone was here but something was telling him they shouldn’t be, that his family being with him was now an abnormal feeling. Ignoring the sinking feeling in his stomach, Buck tried to relax and enjoy the moment.
Eventually, he drifting off with his arm securely wrapped around Christopher’s still sleeping frame.
***
Two weeks after waking, Buck was losing his mind from boredom. He’d been released from the hospital four days after coming out of his coma, insisting on going to his loft since the sinking feeling only grew when he thought about going anywhere else, especially to the Diaz’s.
No one had been happy with the arrangement, but he’d gotten them to agree by asking for his bedroom and living room to be swapped around, that way he wouldn’t have to deal with the stairs which seemed to be everyone’s biggest hang up.
His vision was slowly returning and he’d regained a handful of seemingly meaningless memories. Apparently, he’d taken back his notice and had become a fire marshal and he’d had dinner with Bobby and Athena at some point. He didn’t remember all of the dinner, but there had been a notable pause from everyone present when he’d updated them so he figured it must have something to do with the way everyone had been walking on eggshells around him.
Except Eddie.
Eddie had flat out stated that he had something to apologize to Buck for, but that he’d only do it once he’d regained him memories. He’d gone on a spiel about how Buck couldn’t properly tell him off or forgive him without the memories to provide context, so he’d agreed to tell Eddie every single thing he remembered, rather than just a general overview like he gave everyone else.
Eddie had also become touchier since Buck had woken. If they were near each other, Eddie was pressed to him in some way, shape, or form. From their thighs and shoulders being pressed together on the bed while watching TV, to a hand on his arm or his lower back when following Buck around since he refused to be guided.
Christopher was also constantly around, something he was ecstatic about since he got the impression that he hadn’t seen much of the Diaz boys recently. Chris made it known that as soon as Buck could see again, they were going to have a proper movie night watching Finding Nemo with the three of them and their stuffed fish, something Buck had readily agreed too. His stuffed Dory lived on the bed when he wasn’t on it, then would be moved onto the nightstand when he slept or was watching TV.
The jeep was totaled, which he was expecting to hear even if it made him a little sad. Insurance had apparently been taken care of by Athena with Eddie’s help while his phone and duffel had been retrieved from the wreckage. When he’d asked about the blanket, pillows, and snack that were kept in the jeep, Eddie had just told him not to worry about it.
His most recent head and eye exams confirmed that the loss of vision he’d been experiencing was indeed temporary, though they hadn’t fully ruled out the potential for him to need glasses to fully correct the lost vision. It was another round of being told to wait and see, something Buck was getting incredibly tired of hearing.
Now, however, Buck was bored. There were only so much TV one person could listen to. He couldn’t game, he couldn’t read, he didn’t know how well he could navigate outside by himself so he didn’t even think to try it, and everyone was on shift. He’d just resigned himself to another day of nothingness when a sharp knock caught his attention.
He made it to the door by memory, feeling around for the lock before opening the door just a crack.
“Evancito! It’s so good to see you!”
“Pepa!” He flung the door open wider and stepped back, trusting Pepa to shut it behind her.
“How are you?” He heard the door click shut as he bumped into the counter.
“Good, a little bored.” A lot bored. “How are you? How’s Abuela?”
“I’m very good, especially now that I’ve seen you! It’s been too long, dear.” He listened to Pepa move around the kitchen, the fridge opening and shutting, and dishes clattering onto his counter. “And mama is good! She asked me to invite you to Sunday brunch now that you and Eddie are speaking again.”
“We…stopped speaking to each other?”
“Aye, the lawsuit nonsense came between the two of you when it shouldn’t have. Eddito knew that mess was between you and your captain, but he still acted like it was directed at him specifically.” He heard Pepa tutting before she changed the subject, but Buck’s mind was beginning to fill in more of the blanks.
The incomplete memory of dinner at Bobby and Athena’s suddenly had an ending, the sinking feeling in his stomach that he’d been feeling since he woke suddenly had an explanation, everyone walking on eggshells…it all finally made sense.
Somehow, Buck made it through the afternoon with Pepa unaware of the spiral he was now on. Pepa helped him wrap his cast when he mentioned wanting to take a shower, then he plastered on a smile and hugged her goodbye with a vague promise to let her know about Sunday before getting himself ready for bed in a daze.
Memories danced behind his eyes while he washed his hair with one hand, conversations ran through his mind while he brushed his teeth, emotions slammed into his as he crawled under his covers. The stuffed Dory didn’t make it’s way onto the nightstand, instead it was held tightly to Buck’s chest as he drifted off into a fitful sleep.
***
The next morning he was woken by Eddie trying to quietly crawl into the bed next to him, something that had become an unexpected routine when the man got off shift during a school day. He’d stopped questioning the days when he woke up with Eddie pressed against his back, their legs tangled together while Eddie’s arm was slung around his waist or the ones where he woke with his face pressed into the crook of Eddie’s neck.
“Mornin’…” His voice was rough, his eyes remaining shut as Eddie shifted closer.
“Did I wake you?” Buck hummed in response. “Sorry.” He sighed when Eddie ran his fingers through Buck’s hair. “You washed your hair? Did you cover your cast?” He cracked his eyes open with a grumble when Eddie suddenly sat up, taking the blankets with him.
“Yes, I wrapped the cast. Pepa stopped by yesterday afternoon, so I had her help me before she left. Can we go to sleep now?” Buck wasn’t ready for the conversation that they needed to have yet.
“After I check your cast, yes.” With a groan, Buck sat up with Eddie’s help and surrendered himself to the man’s fretting. Five minutes later, Buck was settling back into the pillows with Eddie laying next to him. “You have something on your mind.” Buck sighed, dread settling into his stomach as he shifted to face Eddie, even if he couldn’t fully see him.
“Pepa passed along an invitation to me from Abuela to attend Sunday brunch…now that we’re speaking again.” He felt Eddie stiffen and watched as his blurry outline rolled onto his back.
“You remember…” It wasn’t a question, but Buck nodded anyway.
“Not all of it yet, but she mentioned the lawsuit and it triggered some memories.” In that moment, he wished more than anything that he could see Eddie’s face clearly.
“Do you remember the grocery store?” Eddie sounded guilty, his voice small.
“Grocery store…?” Buck wracked his brain, sorting through the fresh memories but coming up blank.
“It was after the arbitration hearing…you wanted to apologize to us and explain, but I was so…angry. I just lashed out…”
Exhausting.
“Exhausting.” Eddie made a choked off noise before rolling towards Buck and cupping his cheek. “You called me exhausting.”
“I did, and I wish more than anything that I could take it back.”
“But you can't…” Buck's voice cracked, tears threatening to spill over.
“No, I can't.” Eddie gently stroked his thumb across Buck's cheek. “I have to live with a lot of regret for how I treated you after the lawsuit, but I plan to make it up to you any way I can…if you'll let me.”
“The others?” Buck was chewing on his lip, trying to decide what to do.
“You and Hen were good right away,” Buck nodded, the information sounding right even if he didn't think it was the whole story. “Chimney took a few days, but the two of you were okay by the time your accident happened.”
“Which leaves you and Bobby.”
“Yeah…Bobby was ready to let you back on calls, but not ready to let you back in all the way in other aspects. I, uh…I was hanging on to my anger pretty tight, said and did a lot of things…if the accident hadn’t happened, I don’t know if I would’ve let go of it so fast..”
“And now?”
“Now…I feel guilty that I’m glad your accident happened since it forced me to pull my head out of my ass.” They both huffed a small laugh before Eddie’s hand trailed away from his cheek towards his neck, fingers pressing over his pulse. “You died, Buck. You said you should’ve died under that truck and then your heart immediately gave out…I broke more of your ribs trying to bring you back because I was suddenly faced with a world without you in it, and I fucking hated it.” Buck’s breath hitched, not expecting the vehemence behind Eddie’s words.
“It was dark,” Eddie stilled at Buck’s quiet words. “In my coma, I was just drifting in darkness. I could feel the pain in my leg and sometimes I could hear the tsunami hitting all over again, but I was so…alone. I could feel people holding my hand or running their fingers through my hair or touching my cheek, but it wasn’t enough to draw me out of that darkness…I didn’t want to come out of it.”
“So why did you?” Eddie’s voice was rough, his breath shuddering on his next inhale.
“Because you were all there and suddenly it was…warm. It felt like I still had a family, even though some part of me remembered that I didn’t…at least, it felt like I didn’t. I couldn’t have stayed in that darkness even if I’d tried, not with all of you there to prove how wrong I was about being alone.”
“Dios, I’m so sorry, Buck. I won’t speak for the others because they should give their own apologies, but I’m so sorry that I didn’t have your back. I’m sorry that I made you feel like you weren’t part of my family, because you are. You’re Christopher’s other parent and…” Eddie paused, though Buck couldn’t tell why. “And you’re my partner. Not just at work, but in life as well.”
“Eddie…am I reading too much into that last part?” Eddie’s hand move back to his cheek, thumb grazing the corner of his lips.
“No, you’re not…” Eddie shifted closer until they were nose to nose. “Can I kiss you?”
Instead of answering, Buck simply closed the last bit of distance between them, groaning in pleasure when their lips finally connected. They wasted no time before deepening the kiss, tongues dancing together perfectly. It got heated quickly, with Buck rolling onto his back in order to free his good arm so that he could touch Eddie…and touch him he did.
As soon as Eddie shifted to hover more over Buck, he was quick to slip his hand under Eddie’s shirt, relishing the warm skin beneath his fingertips as he ran his hand up Eddie’s abs and around to his toned back. Eddie’s own hand finally moved away from his cheek to trail down his torso until he could grip Buck’s waist. When Buck finally broke the kiss for some much needed air, head tilting back as he panted, Eddie simply shifted his focus to devouring Buck’s neck.
“Fuck, I wish I could see you.” The words came out as a breathy whine, feeling Eddie’s grin against his neck before sucking another bruise. “N-not going to be able to cover those…”
“Good.” Then he was recapturing Buck’s mouth.
Eventually, the kiss slowly down, becoming something softer before they finally parted. Eddie’s forehead rested against Buck’s own as they caught their breaths.
“We should get some sleep before you have to get Chris from school.”
“Come with me?” Eddie brushed his nose against Buck’s playfully before flopping down next to him.
“Always.” And he meant it.
***
It was another week before Buck got up the courage to finally speak with Bobby, admitting to finally remembering that fateful dinner and the events that followed. He could see a lot better than he could when he first woke up, everything around him suddenly having fuzzy depth rather than being blurry outlines or blobs.
It was a day day where Athena was on shift, Eddie having agreed to dropping Buck off at the Grant-Nash house before taking Christopher to a few appointments. The conversation had, thus far, been a bit stilted with both men unsure of how to finally cross the invisible line until Buck had finally sighed and decided enough was enough.
“I remember the dinner that started everything.” Buck had spoken up just as Bobby took a sip of his coffee, leading to the man to have a small coughing fit after choking a little. “Sorry, didn’t mean for you to choke…”
“No, it’s-” Bobby broke off with a strained cough, “-It’s fine.”
“As my captain, you had no right to hold me back once I’d obtained the proper sign offs from my doctor’s. The choice you made was unprofessional and clearly came from a personal standpoint rather than a professional one.” Buck was quite proud of himself for how steady his voice stayed as he called Bobby out.
“I know, kid.” He watched the fuzzy outline of Bobby’s shoulders slumping as a heavy sigh escaped the man. “I just…at some point I began to think of you as my kid,” Buck blue-screened at those words, “And seeing you almost die so many times…I wasn’t ready for you to be back on the rig yet. At first, it was professional; I had a valid fear of you doing too much, too fast and re-injuring yourself by not slowing your pace like you should have…but then I began thinking of my own too-soon return to work after breaking my back, and how it led to my addiction. Somehow, that turned into a need to keep you away, because then I knew nothing could happen to you on the job…”
“I could get hurt at any moment, Bobby. The tsunami and the car accident proved that. I wasn’t on shift during either instance, and I still almost died. Hell, I did die after the car accident! Keeping me away didn’t protect me, Bobby! When we’re on shift, you are my captain and I’m your subordinate. When we’re on shift, you can’t think of me as your kid because then you start making decisions to try and protect me that could get other people killed.”
“Outside of shift…fine. We can talk about that, because prior to the lawsuit, I’d started thinking of you as my dad…but now I can’t trust you to respect the line. There’s a father-son duo in New York, they actually just transferred down to Austin not too long ago to revive one of their firehouses after a massive loss, but they can work together. They remember the line. If you can guarantee that you can do that, I’ll come back to the 118 when my eyesight is fully back and my arm is functional again…but if you can’t? If you can’t set aside your personal feelings when we’re on shift, then I need to know now so that I can tell the chief to find me another firehouse, because I refuse to let this happen again. I refuse to be some glorified janitor to protect your feelings. I’m a firefighter, so either let me do my job or let me go so that I can find another house that will.”
Buck finished speaking, a stubborn set to his jaw, and waited for Bobby to process his ultimatum. He didn’t have to wait long.
“Okay. I can’t promise to always hold to that line, emotions run high and you are a magnet for danger, but I promise to recuse myself if I can’t make impartial decisions regarding you specifically. Deal?” Buck mulled it over for a moment before giving a small nod.
“It’s a start. We’ll have to set boundaries, figure out what works for us and what doesn’t, but I’m willing to give it a shot.”
Conversation was much easier after that. It wasn’t perfect between them, it likely never would be again, but it was better and that was more than he’d been expecting.
***
“That’s the last box loaded!” Chimney burst through the loft door, grinning widely.
“Sweet! Now we just have to finish cleaning and then we can go unload at Eddie’s.”
“You mean we have to finish cleaning and then go unload. You are still on restricted movement with that shoulder.” Eddie snatched the spray bottle from Buck’s hand with a pointed look, pecking his cheek as he went.
“I can still help!”
“You can, but you shouldn’t.” Hen came out of the bathroom, a broom in hand. “Buck, let us take care of the cleaning. You should go with Bobby and the others so that you can direct the unloading.”
“I even got you a brand new clipboard for the occasion.” Eddie gave him a teasing look, instantly softening some of Buck’s indignation.
“Are you sure? I mean, it is your house and I don’t want to p-” Buck’s eyes went wide as Eddie suddenly slapped a hand over his mouth, knocking his new glasses askew.
“First, it’s our house. Second, I’m sure. We’ve got everything covered here, so you go handle things there and we’ll meet back up shortly.” Eddie pulled his hand away with a decisive nod, leaving Buck to straighten out his glasses and sigh.
“Fine, but if something isn’t where you’re wanting it for the time being, then that’s not my fault!” He was met with triple eye rolls before Eddie was grabbing him by the waist and steering him towards the door that Chimney was needlessly holding open.
“Go. I will buckle you into Bobby’s truck myself if I have to, I’m sure Athena would even let me use her handcuffs if it meant you finally got out of here.” It was Buck’s turn to roll his eyes.
“Fine, I will see you at the house in a little bit.”
***
All-in-all, the move out of the loft and into the Diaz house went relatively smooth. Maddie helped him put away his clothes before he wandered into the kitchen to direct Bobby and Athena on rearranging the kitchen to make room for Buck’s stuff, all three of them grimacing over Eddie’s chaotic organization skills for a room he obviously didn’t want to be in often. It worked out just fine for Buck, who already had a list of dishes he wanted to make once he was cleared for more shoulder movement outside of PT.
Eddie, Hen, and Chimney arrived halfway through the unpacking process and immediately jumped right in to help finish. Michael helped Eddie carry his old queen sized mattress and bed frame out to the curb while Bobby and Hen carried Buck’s king sized mattress and bed frame in and got it set up. Bookshelves were placed at random around the house, with Chimney and Maddie following Buck’s chaotic instructions for where to place the books as they unpacked them.
Pizza was ordered as dinner approached, with Buck stepping away to send Karen another ‘thank you’ text for watching the boys for the weekend. He and Eddie had already promised to return the favor of babysitting the next time she and Hen wanted a weekend to themselves.
Laughter filled the house as everyone began winding down from the day, the house overflowing with joy.
***
It was late by the time Eddie and Buck were able to finally collapse in bed, freshly showered and completely wiped out as they got comfortable.
“I’m grateful, too.” They were just starting to doze off when Buck spoke up.
“Hmm?” Eddie was already halfway towards passing out.
“For the accident. I’m grateful it happened as well, since it led us to this moment.” Eddie hummed in response, sleepily lifting his head to kiss Buck.
“I love you.” The words were mumbled, Eddie already well on his way back to falling asleep as his head dropped onto Buck’s chest, but the conviction behind the words told Buck that Eddie had meant them.
“I love you too, Eds.”
“Now, go to sleep. We promised our kid ice cream when we picked him up.”
He drifted off with a smile on his face, his heart full, and an ever-present feeling of warmth at how loved he now knew he was.