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The dunes of the desert hummed as they were hit against the ice wall. Julius stared at the created dome by Emilia, which separated them from the desert’s danger. Beyond it stretched the endless Augria Sand Dunes, colliding at front with his own orange silhouette bathed in firelight upon the smooth ice.
Night carried a biting breeze, though the walls of their campsite kept most of it at bay. Julius had read in books how drastically temperatures could shift between day and night in the desert, yet experiencing it himself still left him stunned. In truth, he was surprised by the contradictions of the desert itself. How could life exist in such a merciless environment? How could scorching days coexist with freezing nights? How could a place abandoned by hope still have miracles?
The firewood cracked.
Julius glanced back at the flames. He had never felt so alone… And so lost.
The past few days felt unreal. Like the fragments of another timeline viewed from afar. He still could not comprehend how easily his life had collapsed from a single action. It was not only his identity he had lost, but everything he had built himself upon. Everything he represented—
He was blank slate for everyone. Reborn with his memories intact and forced to make his name on this world once again.
He remembered the question he had asked Subaru.
What is worse: to forget everything, or to be forgotten by everyone?
Even now, he did’t know the answer.
The flames began to die down. Julius picked up a stick and shifted the wood, allowing air to flow.
A knight is altruistic. A knight defends and loves Lugunica. A knight respects and protects the weak. A knight does not fear his enemies. A knight shows mercy to the faithless. Never lie, nor break one’s word. Be generous. Be the champion of justice and good against evil and injustice.
The code of chivalry were simple, and they still applied to Julius. His circumstances did not diminish his knighthood. He should focus only on those ideals, not on himself.
Still, the ache in his heart would not fade.
He set the stick aside, his eyes fixed on the fire.
... It was too much.
“Ahhh, Emilia-tan’s magic never stop to amaze me!”
Julius turned his head toward Subaru, who was leaving from the carriage. He couldn't help but give a faint smile at the other man’s carefreeness.
“And yet, as always, you rely upon the lady you swore to protect.”
“I’m one to talk, says Mister Spiritless.” Subaru mocked him, though his expression quickly dropped. “…Sorry. That was a dick move.”
The corner of Julius’s lips twitched into a crooked smile.
“It is true” he admitted quietly, turning his gaze back to the fire.
"Oi, oi, oi— I hope you meant my behaviour, not what I’ve said. Don't fret it." Subaru’s face shifted into concern as he sat across from him, tossing another bundle of wood into the flames. The fire burst brightly for a moment. “You’re basically the second most OP knight after Reinhard.”
Julius glanced at him, not understanding half the words that had just left Subaru’s mouth, but he stayed silent and let him continue.
“And Reinhard’s basically some walking protagonist who’s way too strong for his own good. So, y’know, the bar is freakishly high, and you’re right under it.”
Part of Julius appreciated Subaru’s words. Another part knew they changed nothing. Perhaps what comforted him most was simply hearing them from someone who still knew who he was.
He coughed softly, feeling an itch rise in his throat.
“You think too highly of me, Subaru. There are many other knights and warriors more deserving of comparison to Reinhard.”
“Okay, now you’re just being a sad ass who can’t take a compliment. C’mon, you know deep down you’re freaking awesome.” Subaru suddenly straightened and cleared his throat dramatically. “I mean— You are doing a decent job.”
Julius’s eyes met his once more.
“What are you staring at?” Subaru frowned defensively. “Can’t a guy say something flattering to you?”
Julius chuckled softly.
“It is rather unusual coming from you.”
“And it’s rather unusual seeing you so bummed out.”
“It is true” the knight hummed, looking back into the fire.
Subaru sighed loudly and slapped his palms against his knees.
“C’mon, don’t be such a party pooper.”
“…Pardon?” Julius knit his brows together.
“Ugh, you really do take everything literally.” Subaru ruffled his hair in frustration. “Anywho… Pre—tty chilly night, huh?”
The fire continued to dance to its own melody. The warmth radiating from it made Julius feel sleepy. Mesmerized by the flickering flames, he was reminded of how fragile life was. Like a light that could ignite so easily, only to fade away just as quickly.
Silence settled between them.
“I’m not falling for the whole silent, mysterious guy act, dude” Subaru groaned.
Julius’s heart skipped a beat. The itch in his throat worsened.
“D-Did you say something?” Julius coughed, rubbing at his swollen Adam’s apple.
“Nothing.” Subaru groaned again, this time more theatrically as he leaned his head back. “Hey, how much do you know about astrology?”
Julius followed Subaru’s gaze upward. The stars were perfectly visible in the night sky, their brilliance sharpened by the cold desert air. Thousands of them stretched endlessly across the horizon, illuminating what their campfire could not.
“I am afraid I know nothing meaningful about it.”
“I used to be into that stuff,” Subaru hummed before frowning faintly. “Kinda niche hobby, honestly. Man… it’s been so long since I’ve seen a sky this clear.”
“Clear?” Julius repeated curiously.
A small panic surged through Subaru's face. It lasted only a second, but Julius caught it nonetheless. Then Subaru laughed it off as if nothing had happened.
“Don’t sweat it. Ignore what I just said.” He waved a hand carelessly. “Just another bit of random Subaru rambling.”
It was common for Subaru to say things he would later walk back. His unusual manner of speaking was something Julius had grown accustomed to. Yet this time, Julius sensed a trace of nostalgia hidden beneath those words.
He studied the young man more carefully. Despite appearing like an open book, Natsuki Subaru carried an air of mystery that occasionally slipped through the cracks of his carefree persona. It was easy to be deceived by his behaviour and underestimate his real strength. Julius himself had once fallen for that illusion, and though he would never admit it aloud, part of him regretted the way he had treated Subaru. Even if another part still believed it had been deserved.
This side of Subaru—the stargazer—was entirely new to him. Julius had never considered him the melancholic sort, nor even someone capable of appreciating quiet peace. Subaru’s endless chatter and restless energy painted the image of a man incapable of sitting still.
“Did you know the Pleiades is a constellation? Well, actually, a star cluster.” Subaru continued staring upward while Julius found himself unable to look away from him. “It contains over a thousand stars, but only the seven brightest can easily be seen with the naked eye. That’s why they call them the Seven Sisters.” He hummed softly afterward.
Julius had never heard of such a thing. But he didn’t question Subaru’s knowledge.
“It’s the nearest cluster to the Ea—” Subaru suddenly cut himself off. A smirk spread across his lips, that Julius just knew it was fake. “Ahhh, there goes my big mouth again.”
Silence fell once more. Outside the campsite, the whistling desert wind hit against the ice wall, echo carrying through the night.
“…May I ask you an inappropriate question?” The knight finally spoke up.
“Hm?” Subaru tore his eyes away from the sky before grimacing dramatically in mock satisfaction. “My, my. Julius Juukulius degenerating himself like this? What happened to the world?”
Julius coughed, ignoring typical the other’s man comment.
“Do you think… the Pleiades Watchtower will heal Rem, Joshua, and—” … himself he wanted ended, but the selfish wish spoke out loud was too much. It embarrassed Julius how little faith he still held in their mission.
“Have a little faith, will ya?” Subaru winked as he stood and walked toward him.
Julius followed him with his eyes until Subaru suddenly poked his forehead with fingers. He flinched instinctively at the unexpected touch.
“What a scaredy-cat!” Subaru burst out laughing before dropping down beside him. Their shoulders bumped lightly together. Then Subaru let out a long sigh.
“…I need to believe it” he murmured quietly. “Because what else do we have left?”
Julius felt Subaru’s posture stiffen beside him. In an instant, the carefree attitude died out.
“There are so many people depending on us.” Subaru frowned, his hands tightening into fists. “Honestly, I completely freaked out when I found out what happened to you. It felt like reliving a nightmare. A nightmare that…” His voice cracked. “That I can’t undo. It’s so… so unfair.” His fists clenched harder, knuckles turning white as anger rose within him. “The second time, we—”
“…Natsuki Subaru.” Julius cut him off sharply, staring at him firmly.
Subaru loosened his hands immediately.
“Ahh… sorry.” He scratched his cheek awkwardly. “Got a little carried away.”
Subaru ruffled his hair in frustration. Again, silence settled awkwardly between them. Both returned their attention to the fire, neither eager to speak first.
It was getting late. Even though Julius was standing watch for the night, there was no reason for Subaru to stay at his side. Buy Julius did not say that out loud, because… He yearned his company.
Julius coughed again, harsher this time. This time, he felt something thick rise painfully into his throat.
“You okay, dude?” Subaru frowned, concerned.
“Y-Yes” Julius stammered between shallow breaths and violent coughs.
He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped at the corner of his mouth. The moment he finished, he quickly shoved it back into his pocket, hiding it from sight.
“You really don’t look oka—”
“It is nothing” Julius interrupted. “Just a dry throat from the sand.”
“Dude, you’ve been coughing for a while now.” Subaru suddenly jerked backward, eyes widening. “Wait—is it contagious?!”
“I do not believe so.” Julius smiled bitterly. “Though… if it were deadly…” The thought slipped from his lips before he could stop it. “…I would die forgotten.” His voice cracked faintly on the final word.
Subaru stared at him, stunned into silence. His dimples around mouth twitched, as his expression tightened into a deep frown. For a long moment, neither of them spoke, the weight of Julius’s words lingering heavily in the air.
“Dude… Don’t- Don’t joke about stuff like that” Subaru finally said, completely serious.
“…But it is the truth, is it not?” Julius replied calmly. “There is no one left who would remember me besides…” His voice change to a whisper. “You.”
Julius closed his eyes. Perhaps he did not want Subaru to see the sorrow within them and spare him from sharing in his misery.
He had spent far too much time thinking about it. After all, he was alone in his world.
Suddenly, his body was shaken violently by the shoulders.
“You are not dying as some fucking Jane Doe on my watch, you hear me?!” Subaru shouted.
The earth dragon behind them snorted in her sleep. Their rising argument disturbed her dreams.
“…Pardon?” Julius blinked in confusion.
Subaru snapping at him was not entirely unexpected, yet Julius still did not understand what exactly had angered him so much. Was it the mention of death itself and the though of giving up… Or how intimacy he mentioned him?
Before he could find the answer, Subaru continued to shake him.
“You are not dying!” he shouted. “You’re going to get your name back, and everything’s going to return to normal!”
“Please— Keep— Your voice down” Julius managed between the shaking. “The others are sleeping…” Finally, he straightened his posture, no longer allowing himself to be tossed around so easily. “Keep your voice down” he repeated more firmly.
Subaru scoffed and crossed his arms, though anger still was visible across his face.
“Don’t you dare give up, you hear me?!” he hissed, somehow managing to shout in a whisper. Pointing an accusing finger at Julius, he sat back down in his spot. “You are not allowed to die—”
Julius smiled gently.
“You—You complete bastard! You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?!”
“No, I am not.” Julius sighed softly, closing his eyes. “I am merely trying to make peace with it.”
“Don’t give me that ‘peace’ shit!” Subaru shot to his feet again. “There’s no such thing as making peace with death. That’s just another way of giving up!”
Julius opened his mouth, with a reply already prepared, but the moment their eyes met, the words died in his throat.
From time to time, Subaru wore expressions Julius found impossible to read. Usually, it meant he was being completely serious, or making some absurd claim that somehow ended up true in the end.
But whenever Subaru looked at him like this, Julius couldn't help but think... Why did Subaru always look so hurt at times like these?
Julius knew that expression well. He had seen it many times before on retired knights and men who had seen one thing too much.
Julius loosened up his shoulders.
“I... Apologize.” He lied. Only because he did not wish to upset Subaru any further.
The young man scoffed and rolled his eyes before finally sitting back down beside Julius.
“You should be” he mumbled, grabbing a stick and aggressively poking at the firewood.
At this rate, Subaru would extinguish the fire himself long before the night ended, but Julius chose not to stop him.
Even so, the tension between them didn’t disappear.
Feeling at fault—and still bothered by the unpleasant grease lingering in his throat—Julius coughed softly in an attempt to break the silence.
“…Who is Jane Doe?”
Subaru raised an eyebrow.
“No one. It’s just a saying from my homeland” he muttered, still sounding offended. “It’s what people call a woman when her identity’s unknow or being kept hidden. Usually when someone’s dead or accused of some messed-up crime.”
“That is… peculiar naming convention.” Julius tilted his head slightly. “But why only women? Are women in your homeland more involved in crime? Or do they die more frequently?”
Subaru smacked his lips.
“No, of course not—” He groaned dramatically. “For men, it’s John Doe.”
“Then why did you call me ‘Jane Doe’?” Julius asked, now confused and completely off the tracks.
“Ugh.” Subaru dragged a hand down his face. “It just fits you better. I like the name Jane more.”
“…You do not like the name John?”
“Geez, you—” Subaru groaned again before throwing his hands into the air. “Protecting a girl just sounds cooler than protecting some dude!” He pouted childishly. “Besides, you’re acting like some damsel in distress right now. Not physically, but— Ugh, whatever!”
Julius still could not fully comprehend the way Subaru’s mind worked. But despite that, he smiled.
There was something strangely comforting in Subaru’s words. It was the kind of care Julius had yearned for ever since the curse stole him from the world.
“Anyway… I-I understand your fear. Really.”
Julius looked back at Subaru in surprise. That confession was unexpected.
This time, Subaru’s expression carried a deep sense of nostalgia. There was sorrow in it too, but this time natural, the one that never leave you when you reminisce.
The firelight bathed Subaru’s face in the same orange glow reflected on Julius’s own features, yet somehow it looked different on him. Perhaps it was because Subaru himself was so different from Julius, both in appearance and in character. Lugunica was not considered as a closed nation to foreigners, yet they were still rare enough to stand out. And Subaru, with his strange clothes, mannerisms, and foreign features, always drew attention.
“When I first arrived in the Capital, nobody knew me” Subaru said softly. “I was just some guy carrying a plastic bag of snacks and wearing a tracksuit.” He chuckled quietly to himself. “Man… that feels like ages ago. I couldn’t even read a damn thing back then.”
“I… was not aware of that.”
Julius knew Subaru had come from another land, but not to such an extent. There was always a veil of mystery around him. Even when Julius wished to understand him better, he could tell how difficult it was for Subaru to speak about anything before meeting Lady Emilia.
“Ehh, because it was embarrassing” Subaru replied quickly. “And I was making a complete fool of myself,” he muttered under his breath, almost as words were meant only for himself. Then he waved it off. “Anyway, if I’d died back then… I would’ve ended up as Lugunica’s John Doe.”
Julius lowered his eyes toward the ground.
In truth, Subaru probably would not have even received a false name. Countless people died in the slums every day, forgotten before the sun had even set. No one cared enough to mourn them, much less identify them. Compared to Lugunica, Subaru’s homeland sounded strangely compassionate in that regard.
“Actually, I didn’t think about it too much because…” Subaru trailed off before falling silent. “But it’s true that it was overwhelming. The thought of dying alone when nobody even knows you is just… Horrible.” His eyes dimmed faintly. “Realizing how insignificant your life is to the world…” Again, he let the sentence hang unfinished, like there was more hidden behind it than he could say aloud. Then, suddenly, Subaru smirked and nudged Julius with his shoulder. “But hey, you’ve got the cheat code.” He grinned. “I know you, and you know everyone else.” He gave him another light bump against Julius’s shoulder. “You’re not alone.”
Knight flinched once again at the touch. Something twisted painfully in his chest. He felt another wave of urge to cough clawing at his lungs.
“There’s me” Subaru continued. “And I can prove to everyone exactly who you are and what kind of douchebag you can be.” He scoffed loudly. “And trust me, I’m not gonna spare you any embarrassing stories. Those are absolutely going first after I introduce to people your name.”
“Ahh, but that would require you to possess any such stories, Natsuki Subaru” Julius replied in the same playful tone.
“Gha! Of course I do!” Subaru shot back immediately. “And even if I don’t, I’ll find every dirt on you myself!”
“I would like to see you try.” Julius smiled softly.
“Perfect knight, my ass,” Subaru scoffed. “Anyway, focus on serving Anastasia, finding a cure for your curse, and being a decent knight.” He exaggerated the final words with a stretched tone.
“And you should focus on saving Lady Rem and supporting Lady Emilia.”
“You’re damn right I will!” Subaru stood up and stretched his arms over his head. “Alright, I think I’m gonna get some sleep. I’ve got night watch tomorrow, after all.”
Before leaving, he gave Julius’s shoulder one final pat.
Julius followed Subaru with his eyes as the young man headed back toward the carriage, stopping briefly to give the sleeping earth dragon one last affectionate pat. Afterward, Subaru shuffled toward his sleeping bag, stretching along the way.
Just as he was about to close his eyes, Julius suddenly spoke.
“…Would you like to… Tell me more about your homeland? And about yourself?”
“Hm?” Subaru let out a tired groan.
“…So… You do not become a John Doe.”
Subaru snorted in amusement as he lay down on his side, his back turned toward Julius.
“Dude, I’m already not.” His voice came out muffled through a yawn. “I’ve got Emilia-tan, Beako, Ram, Rem… and a bunch of other people.”
“Ahh… my apologies.”
“You’re on that list too, y’know.” Subaru’s tone hinted that he was speaking casually only to hide his growing embarrassment. “You’d totally cry like a little girl if I died.”
Julius quietly absorbed those words.
They were true.
“…Would you cry if I died?” he asked softly.
But the words were too quiet to reach Subaru’s ears.
By morning, Subaru did not find Julius sitting beside the extinguished fire.
Instead, he found him at the far edge of the campsite, separated from the others. Almost like he had gone there deliberately, to not disturb their sleep.
Julius was found dead in a pool of his own blood.
Curled in an almost embryonic posture, he lay on his side with fingers still clutching at his shirt. Blood had dried across his pale face in dark crimson streaks. His sunken red lips, where the blood had poured from, were faintly curled into a smile despite the obvious painful death.
Julius’s sharp cheekbones bulged strangely, as though something was inside his mouth. Yet with his eyes gently closed, his expression looked peaceful. Almost as if he had only fallen asleep.
But that wasn't all.
The entire scene was littered with blue forget-me-not flowers scattered through the blood like some grotesque decoration. Flowers spilled from Julius’s half-open mouth, making it horrifyingly clear, that they had bloomed from inside of his body. Their fragile beauty contrasted viciously against the violence of his death, creating an image so still and surreal at the same time.
When they rolled the body onto its back, more petals scattered into the air, carried away by the desert breeze along with flecks of dried blood.
For everyone else, the cause of death was obvious. But not for Subaru.
Subaru cried hard, before he used in despair Return by Death.