Chapter Text
taesan is startled awake. his phone is vibrating in the dark on his nightstand. he blinks around at his room, noticing the clothes he swore he put away and the lyrics spread across his desk. he glances at his phone, still half asleep. he nearly settles on just ignoring it before glancing one last time at the caller. kim leehan? they aren’t close enough for late night calls like this. his room still smelled like burnt vanilla because of his spilled candle mess earlier. he stared at the phone screen so long it began to dim before he picked up.
“whats up?” taesan spoke, breaking the 5 second silence that welcomed him into the call. he heard leehan shuffling around, brushing his sleeve against the microphone and his calm yet unsettling breathing.
“i know we aren’t close. can we talk?” leehan’s breathing grew a bit heavier and his voice broke a bit on the last word. the rain pattering outside of his window could be heard clearly through the phone.
“uhm sure.” taesan pushes off his blanket and sits up properly. the freezing blast of air on his legs makes him immediately regret it. he adjusts the lamp on his nightstand to a more lively warm white than the previously dim, calm white. everything around him is quiet except the buzz of his fan and the rain bleeding through the line. the time is 3:12 am, he should be annoyed, but the confusion of why leehan is calling him keeps his irritation from becoming obvious.
soon enough, leehan begins to talk about simple things in his life, his routine, his dog that taesan now knows as koni, his fish. he mentions something about the tetra in his tank eating less than usual but it really just sounds like “i really need someone to talk to.” taesan understands that.
the more he says the more taesan begins to learn about him, leehan attends the same college as him. leehan majors marine biology and got his number through a few mutual friends. between sentences taesan catches himself rubbing his face and eyes just trying to stay awake, not because leehan is boring but because his voice could be a bedtime story. he doesnt end the conversation though. although it feels weird to talk to an almost stranger in the middle of the night, he doesn’t hate it, it even feels a bit natural. like this has been the routine for as long as they can remember.
“you know fish can stop eating from stress?” it all feels like hints, something leehan isn’t trying to show but it’s so evident that it’s impossible to miss. in taesan’s mind leehan isn’t talking about fish, jazz, or gummies. well he is, but he’s also communicating his feelings without realizing.
“yeah?” he responds, sitting back up once he realizes he’s drifting again.
“mhm.” he pauses for a moment. he sounds tired, he’s still shuffling with fabric, and the rain is still pounding against his window. this doesn’t even feel like an easy-going and normal conversation. everything feels calculated, planned to be the least obvious he can about his feelings while still getting his mind off of his issues. it’s too careful, its not natural. taesan stares at the light spilling into his room.
“you sound tired leehan.” taesan says before thinking much about it.
leehan allows himself a tiny laugh. it doesnt sound much like a laugh, more like a heavy, shaky breath. a few seconds pass and he still doesn’t respond. taesan almost thinks the call ended. he pulls the phone away from his ear to check before hearing him inhale shakily through his nose, shuffle like he’s turning over in bed, and the soft noises of his fish tanks in the back.
“yeah.” taesan notices something, the way he speaks between breaths, the slight strain in his voice. he sounds like he’s been holding himself together longer than he can handle and he’s finally getting tired of hiding it.
taesan sits straighter against the headboard, he wants to ask leehan if he’s alright. at the same time, he doesnt want to overstep, he barely knows this boy.
“please stay on the phone with me, im sorry.” leehan lets out something that sounds like a sob. taesan can hear him over the line huffing long breaths in an attempt to calm himself down.
his chest tightens at those words. he just sits there for a moment watching his fan buzz in a perfect circle. “leehan, dont apologize.” he says softly. his rough breathing began to subside into quieter sniffles. for a couple moments, they sit in silence while leehan calms himself and they enjoy the quiet company.
“thank you for picking up.” leehan says, clearly more composed.
“im here when you need me.”
“you’re nice taesan.” on the other side of the phone, leehan’s breathing get quieter and quieter until it eventually fades to soft snoring. now, taesan knows more about leehan than he feels like he should, but for some reason he wants to know more. taesan looks at the call timer one last time, 1 hour and 48 minutes. for some reason, it doesn’t bother him.