Work Text:
The blurry twenty second video focuses onto a teenage boy screaming his heart out to Dirty Little Secret by the All American Rejects.
The boy's hair is a horrible bleach blond and his roots are already showing, messily sprouting from the top of his head. The light makes the silver piercings on his ears shine, a messily done stack that mixed studs and cuffs and hoops. His outfit is all black and he's wearing almost too many accessories. A studded belt wraps around his waist and chunky rings adorn his fingers as he grips onto the microphone he's singing into. You're just barely able to see his face for most of the video, his dark eye makeup and purple stained lips being the only stand outs you can make out under his grown out bangs. However, if you pause the video at just the right moment you're able to get a clear shot of his face.
No amount of eyeliner and eyeshadow could hide the deep and big brown eyes of the young boy, they were almost wet from all the emotion of his performance. But that wasn't what you focused on. Instead, you immediately see the way his freckles were spread across his face.
jennie @sh24nies
did??? anyone else???? see that video of shane hollander going around?????????
troy's leanna @lesbarrett
what video
jennie @sh24ies
DUDE THIS
[video: a young shane hollander singing Dirty Little Secret. he noticeably has blond hair and heavy makeup.]
troy's leanna @lesbarrett
WHAT THE FUCK?
Gay Cliff Marlow @bostonbrewins
okay but how do we KNOW thats shane hollander
24c Hollandburger Meal @shanekleins
dude look at his fucking freckles
Gay Cliff Marlow @bostonbrewins
surely there are other wasian kids in ottawa with freckles
24c Hollandburger Meal @shanekleins
TRUST ME NOT LIKE HOW SHANE HAS FRECKLES
IR81 Shady Facts Corner @rozadump
you're laughing….. Shane hollander was Fucking emo and you're laughing….
mei @shanebear
The way you wouldnt even be able to recognise it as shane if we didnt get the clear shot of his bigass bambi eyes and galaxy of freckles…
IR81 Shady Facts Corner @rozadump
watch how you talk about shane before HE logs on
lexi⁸¹³⁵ @pikenov
rest in peace emo shane hollander you wouldve loved decode…
adrien🐎 @puckordie
I cant believe your first thought upon learning shane is emo is Fucking twilight
lexi⁸¹³⁵ @pikenov
youre telling me "do you see what we've done / we've gone and made such fool of ourselves" isnt literally hollanov and their fucked up timeline???
adrien🐎 @puckordie
screw you and bella man
lucia | art in pinned! @rozanov81thfan
Where?? did you guys even find that video????
hollanova truther @81masterbaiter
nobody has a clue it just popped up on reddit and people went crazy
lucia | art in pinned! @rozanov81thfan
I cant prove it but someone placed a curse on Shane Hollander to have all his shit leaked
carter🩺 @shanesanatomy
i like how shane hollander cant sing for shit
michelle @holelanding24
can you leave him Alone? hes trying
carter🩺 @shanesanatomy
no im just saying we should all be grateful he chose hockey
24c Hollandburger Meal @shanekleins
GUYS I FOUND. MORE STUFF FROM THAT ACCOUNT #emoshane
24c Hollandburger Meal @shanekleins
[video #1: shane hollander in his mid teens, his roots are slightly less grown out in this one and his choice of earrings are more modest. hes sitting in front of a store with a group of friends and a hockey stick beside him. they're not really doing anything. just sitting and chatting.]
24c Hollandburger Meal @shanekleins
[video #2: a continued clip from the first video. except shane is now standing trying to teach people how to play hockey while using a tube of mascara as a puck. everyone seems to be very excited at how fast shane seems to be even when hes not on the ice, his scuffed vans squeaking across the mall floors.]
24c Hollandburger Meal @shanekleins
[photo #1: in a different location, it is nighttime and the group of teens seem to be at an abandoned skatepark. shane is holding a bottle of ginger ale in one hand and has a candy cigarette between the fingers of his other hand. the other teenagers seem to be drinking actual alcohol and passing around a poorly rolled blunt. eitherway, shane is smiling widely as a girl clips on assorted accessories onto his hair.]
logieee @yaoillander
shane hollander i saw you being a poser at 15. for shame
emma ★ @hollanova
HE WAS BORN YESTERDAY!!! HES TRYING HIS BEST!!!!!
logieee @yaoillander
okay but im still confused as to why he chose bleach blond
emma ★ @hollanova
emo people can have blond hair?
logieee @yaoillander
yeah but that doesnt mean he looks good with it…
2435 Patient Zero @shaydentruther
shane was so happy to look a mess at 15
louise @haydhatty
i think hes cute..
2435 Patient Zero @shaydentruther
you would call shane cute even if he had all his hair cut off and no fat ass
louise @haydhatty
okay i draw the line at no fat ass
SH24's Agent @shanecake
you can take the boy away from hockey but you cant take hockey out of the boy…
adrien🐎 @puckordie
no i think he was emo while doing hockey regularly
SH24's Agent @shanecake
how do you think all his jock friends reacted when he came in with the worst eyeshadow ever
adrien🐎 @puckordie
they probably thought it was 24s evil clone
luca glasses believer @centaurhatchlings
HOW THE HELL DID YUNA ALLOW THIS
mei @shanebear
you just know shane was scheming with david to get all this shit done
Faggot Patrol Officer #81 @iEatHollander
im cryinggf at shane having a candy cig #LETSHANESMOKE2022
jennie @sh24nies
SHANE HOLLANDER IS THE LAST PERSON WHO WANTS TO SMOKE YOU SICK FUCK
Yuna Hollander ☑️ @yhollander24
David sent me this video for me to post on here. We love our boy in all his phases! #emoshane
[video: a teenage shane in the bathroom. his hair is a wild shade of blond and shane's eyes are wet with tears. you can hear his voice trembling, "why did you guys let me bleach my hair?"]
lexi⁸¹³⁵ @pikenov
the face of a boy who had a youtube tutorial and a dream…
emma ★ @hollanova
WHY IS HE LITERALLY FOUR YEARS OLD HERE. OHMYGODDD
michelle @holelanding24
we've breached containment…. EMO SHANE HAS BREACHED CONTAINMENT
hollanova truther @81masterbaiter
actually fucking howling at the idea of what the centaurs groupchat must look like rn…
troy's leanna @lesbarrett
i just know troy is defending him in solidarity
hollanova truther @81masterbaiter
you think troy barrett was emo???
troy's leanna @lesbarrett
I can believe anything I want…..
24c Hollandburger Meal @shanekleins
shane in 2006: felt cute. might delete later.
[photo: a mirror selfie of teenage shane taken with a digital camera. his roots are slightly grown out and he has extremely heavy, dark makeup that isn't very well done. his nails are painted black except most of it has been scratched off.]
SH24's Agent @shanecake
He can take it down now
jennie @sh24ies
its been later…
2435 Patient Zero @shaydentruther
i think hes the only one who felt that way
24c Hollandburger Meal @shanekleins
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL
emma ★ @hollanova
I get why none of the centaurs want to post videos of shane on karaoke night. i dont think hes even allowed on the mic.
[video: a video of young shane hollander very poorly singing all we know by paramore]
lucia | art in pinned! @rozanov81thfan
Is there a way we can send an apology to Ms Hayley Williams. Like actually
emma ★ @hollanova
like who let him on the damn microphone
Jessica S.
Jessica S.
Hey Shane! I don't even know if you kept this number but I thought I'd reach out after seeing something interesting.
My daughter is a huge fan of yours and has a 'stan' account for you and you wouldn't believe what I saw on her phone this morning!
[photo: a cropped photo of the girl clipping accessories into shane's hair]
It's us!
I mean its a bit scary how these photos have just leaked but we're adults now, it should be fine.
Oh my god.
Jessica S.
That's what I said!
Anyways it made me want to look at old photos from when we were teenagers.
[photo: a photo of a photo. jessica is kissing shane on the cheek, his face already smeared with purple lipstick. he has a candy cigarette between his lips and he looks slightly flushed.]
I feel bad how much I smothered you back then.
Since you're you know.
Wait is that rude? I'm not homophobic!
My daughter is a lesbian #loveislove
No its fine. I'm just shocked.
Its nice hearing from you Jessica.
Wow. I really hoped I would never see this side of me again.
Jessica S.
You were so cute though!
Thanks.
I don't even know what to say.
I didn't even know these photos got leaked.
It'd explain why my phone was blowing up though.
Jessica S.
Aw am I the first message you checked?
Its not everyday you get messaged from your exgirlfriend from highschool.
Give me a break.
We should catch up though.
Jessica S.
I would love to! I'm free whenever!
(Shane Hollander hearted this message!)
mei @shanebear
Just got what may be the most disgusting lore drop from my own mother…
mei @shanebear
TELL ME WHY SHE RANDOMLY TOLD ME SHE USED TO DATE SHANE HOLLANDER???
mei @shanebear
GUYS SHES CASUALLY MESSAGING HIM. ON IMESSAGE. WHAT THE FUCK.
mei @shanebear
I made her construct my lifesize Calvin Klein Shane Hollander cardboard cutout with me and now shes showing me photos of him in highschool… what the fuck
SH24's Agent @shanecake
DNI IF YOURE FROM OTTAWA AND YOURE TWO DEGREES AWAY FROM SHANE HOLLANDER
mei @shanebear
im sitting on so much fucking emo shane and shane lore i feel sick
SH24's Agent @shanecake
The way she just withheld this information for you.. AND FOR WHAT
mei @shanebear
she told me she didnt think i'd be interested because im a lesbianshjsnahkdha
mei @shanebear
mind you shes literally seen my shane hollander shrine
troy's leanna @lesbarrett
Sources are telling me Emo Shane is going to be used for Yuna Hollander's next Shane PR run. God please
logieee @yaoillander
#gayemoeldershane GET IT TRENDING
troy's leanna @lesbarrett
PLEASEEEE #GAYEMOELDERSHANE
carter🩺 @shanesanatomy
okay i know that the everyone from ottawa is two degrees away shane hollander theory is actually impossible but my dad is literally friends with shane's mother and i try not to think about it that often
Faggot Patrol Officer #81 @iEatHollander
and you never decided to bring this up
carter🩺 @shanesanatomy
IN MY DEFENSE. it was none of my business and the way they know eachother gives me second hand embarrassment
Faggot Patrol Officer #81 @iEatHollander
okay well now you HAVE to share.
carter🩺 @shanesanatomy
literally being threatened to get beaten to death if i dont share this lore. im sorry shane hollander. strike me down if you so choose
carter🩺 @shanesanatomy
ANYWAYS. my dad works at a salon around where shane used to grow up (he moved like a year later) and THIS IS ALL ACCORDING TO MY DAD. yuna came in with shane who had the "most uneven blond hair ive ever seen in my life" and it was "basically dead" and yuna asked my dad to buzz it all off in hopes of salvaging it.
carter🩺 @shanesanatomy
my dad takes photos of all his clients but i never clocked that this wasian teenager with a bald ass fucking head was shane hollander #mybad
[photo: an extremely uncomfortable looking shane hollander with a buzzcut. he is no longer wearing any piercings or heavy makeup.]
carter🩺 @shanesanatomy
im assuming this was at the end of his emo era. rest in peace. gone but not forgotten.
jackson @wyattscomics
SHANE HOLLANDER WE ARE AIRING OUT ALL YOUR BULLSHIT!!
luca glasses believer @centaurhatchlings
if you told me we were going to get emo shane and buzzcut shane in the span of a day i wouldve called you crazy
jackson @wyattscomics
the fact that only yuna has said anything… im scared to find out how the centaurs are reacting…
jennie @sh24nies
the concept of being six or under degrees away from shane hollander being a birth right in ottawa…
2435 Patient Zero @shaydentruther
no this is kinda it bc i know at least like four people who have connections back to shane hollander
jennie @sh24nies
A SHAYDEN FAN IS CLOSER TO SHANE HOLLANDER THAN I AM. FUCK
2435 Patient Zero @shaydentruther
youre acting like im shoving shayden in his face…
mei @shanebear
fun fact from my mama: she said that shane was actually really good at painting nails and the only reason why he couldnt perfect eyeliner or anything like that is because he kept poking himself in the eyes. or up his nose. or in his mouth???
emma ★ @hollanova
PLEASE LORD DONT MAKE ME CALL THIS GROWN ASS MAN CUTE…
mei @shanebear
apparently he was a klutz back in highschool and was only ever comfortable on the ice.
emma ★ @hollanova
OUUUHHGHHHH…..
CENTAUR'S MOTEL HOTEL HOLIDAY INN
Young
PLEASE. TELL ME YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN ONLINE.
Dillon
Isn't it X now?
Young
we dont hav timr for this man
Haas
I don't know if we should be talking about it…
I mean isn't this technically a breach of privacy?
Young
ik ur playing in my face rn like i KNOWWW you have cap and hollzy on ur google alerts
@Hollander u were lowk fine as fuck when u were younger
like if we were the same age and went to the same hs
i wuldve tapped that #beingreal
Holmberg
Young is so much braver than all of us.
Young
hollzy is my fellow asian partner in crime #westick2gether
theres like a total of three of us in the league
im just showing my fellow guy some support
LaPointe
i stand with u youngie #stopasianhate
Young
LOVE YA MAN #stopasianhate
bergie i srsly thought u'd have my back w all this
Holmberg
I love you man but not that much
Boodram
What are you guys talking about?
Young
https://www.reddit.com/r/nhl/comments/hd9ak8/emo_shane_hollander_leaks
I FEEL LIKE IM GOING CRAZY. shane hollander my fuckign idol and my close personal friend…
my late night jerk off material before i learnt him and cap were smashing…
WAS EMO!!!
Haas
We all know too much about eachother.
Young
haasyyyy dont discriminate againt emo people!
Haas
THAT IS NOT WHAT I WAS REFERRING TO.
Troy
Hey guys, I don't know if sharing leaked images is a good idea.
Especially since its Shane.
Young
shit u rite
FUUUCK sorry @Hollander
Barrett
Stop tagging him and delete your messages!
No its fine.
I already knew about this.
Young
omg heyyy hollzy
nice seeing you here
come here often
I saw your messages Young.
Seeing as you tagged me in half of them.
I'm flattered but I have a husband.
Young
no yeah of course thats chill man
#nohomo and all dat stuff yknow
Holmberg
This is hard to read
Barrett
Wait so you knew about your photos getting leaked?
Yeah. My ex girlfriend from highschool messaged me about it.
She even sent me more old photos from that part of my life.
I thought I had scrubbed everything but I guess not.
Young
YOUVE DATED WOMEN BEFORE?
@Rozanov BEFORE YOU KILL ME FOR MY MESSAGES
PLEASE REMEMBER SHANE HOLLANDER HAS DATED WOMEN BEFORE
Holmberg
Rose Landry was just the wind to you huh
Barrett
Genuinely what is your problem?
LaPointe
he was dropped too many times on the head as a kid
Young
that was my parents training me for all the concussions id get being a star hockey player
LaPointe
star???
(8 people reacted with a LOL!)
Young
MAN I THOUGHT YOU STOOD WITH ME
LaPointe
i dont like liars
Hayes
How has Rozanov not shown up yet?
I'm trying really hard to have him stay off his phone until all of the Emo me stuff is taken down.
Barrett
What? Why?
Young
and how👀👀
Its embarrassing.
And I don't think you guys want to know.
Holmberg
Wait I'm curious too
LaPointe
yeahh if we have to hear about haas failing to pick up chicks and dicks
i feel like we should know stuff about everyone else
Haas
I thought that was for our groupchat only.
LaPointe
babygirl there is only so many times we can hear about a guys dick being
too small for you
Barrett
Why does Lapointe call you babygirl?
Haas
Literally do not worry about it.
Young
GUYS STOP GETTING OFF TOPIC
hollzy was just about to share how he uses his gay sex magic to
distract cap from his phone
Haas
I'm curious too actually.
I can never seem to get caps attention when he is playing Candy Crush…
@Young That is the opposite of what I said.
Oh. He's about to go for his phone again. See you guys.
#youngandwildandfree
Young
#realtalk i tried to be emo but my sister told me to quit it because i looked like a loser
LaPointe
ok in her defense u definitely probably did
Haas
My younger sister is goth :)
Holmberg
the one whose a huge shane hollander fan?
Haas
Don't remind me… but yes
Young
yoo u cant say dat hollzy is in this groupchat
LaPointe
i still dont know why you added him to this groupchat
isnt this our sacred rookie sanctuary or whatevever
and doesnt he have it muted too
Young
shane told me he wants to be hip with the kids so i let him in
Holmberg
he did not say that shit to you
Young
okay maybe im paraphrasing . he told me he wanted to understand what we (rookies) were talking about.
word for word "that internet slang. and stuff. like rent free"
Haas
Paraphrasing. Big word.
Young
hollzy gave me a word of the day calendar
im basically #hisfavekid
Haas
Boo you whore!
I forgot how much of a suck up you are.
Young
LAST PERSON WHO SHOULD BE TALKING BTW^
LaPointe
loll do u guys remember when luca couldnt decide if he hated hollzy or not because he still had one sided beef with the voyageurs/hollzy after being such a big bruins/cap fan for all those years
Haas
I thought we weren't going to talk about this anymore…
Holmberg
hey at least ur hate for the voyageurs is justified now!
What are you guys talking about?
Young
ABORT
LaPointe
uhh nothing
Holmberg
YOUNG KICK HIM OUT
Haas
Oh my god.
Oh.
@Haas its only natural that you didn't like me or the Voyageurs.
Team loyalty is very important.
Thank you for supporting Ilya for so long.
You 'understood the assignment'.
Haas
I'm not strong enough for this.
Young
ure doing great hollzy!
actually now that ure here can u giv us the deets on ur emo era
It was very short lived.
Young
man fr? how long did it last
Under a year.
LaPointe
my cousin is reading over my shoulder and he told me to call you a poser
I guess thats fair.
I don't think I was actually by definition emo.
I was just copying my friend at the time.
My mum calls it my 'rebel phase'.
Young
mmghhm all this shane lore
this is better than the cave paintings documenting u and caps relationship
Holmberg
dude be normal
Young
nah hollzy used to dis now #trust
Young has been a very enlightening source on what the youth are up to.
Haas
I can't believe Young is the face of the Centaurs Rookies and hes the oldest out of all of us.
LaPointe
what are you going to teach hollzy?
how to navigate ship tags on hockey rpf tumblr?
Haas
CAN WE NOT…
I know what a tumblr is.
Haas
Oh god.
24c Hollandburger Meal @shanekleins
what business did shane hollander even have being emo
lucia | art in pinned! @rozanov81thfan
did you see his video of him screaming his heart out to complicated by avril laveigne. like who hurt him
24c Hollandburger Meal @shanekleins
i would rather have my ears intact but its nice to know that he was also going through awful teenage angst
SH24's Agent @shanecake
why did he always pick the worst outfits imagineable from hot topic
Faggot Patrol Officer #81 @iEatHollander
Do you think his mom picked out his clothes
SH24's Agent @shanecake
@yhollander24 mama please give us answers
Yuna Hollander ☑️ @yhollander24
I helped picked out his outfits! :)
SH24's Agent @shanecake
HOLY SHIT…
SH24's Agent @shanecake
why is yuna hollander so active on twitter. why is shane hollander's mother literally oomf.
lexi⁸¹³⁵ @pikenov
#IMPORTANTREMINDER that hayden pike was also emo
[photo: a teenage hayden pike with poorly done black eyeliner. he has a singular silver hoop on one of his lobes.]
adrien🐎 @puckordie
Wearing guyliner doesnt make you emo it just makes you metrosexual
lexi⁸¹³⁵ @pikenov
NOT VERY WOKE OF YOU TO SAY…
adrien🐎 @puckordie
IM LITERALLY GAY
Hayden Pike
Hayden Pike
Is there a reason why your fans keep calling me a metrosexual???
I haven't heard that term in fucking ages
What the hell is a metrosexual
Nevermind I asked Ilya and he started laughing asking whose calling me that
When I said that people were calling you that he started howling…
Hayden Pike
Both of you are useless
shanesfrottage
OK. I dont know if you guys have seen the emo shane posts circulating on hockeytwt and r/nhl but man. I can smell a poser from a mile away…
#fromthefrottage #i think he was emo for the vibes #how is this real
🔄 shanesfrottage reblogged hollanov
The concept of waking up to Shane Hollander at fifteen years old with the worst bleach blond hair ever and every ear piercing under the sun would have killed me in 2018…
#shfrtge reblogs #remember when people thought he was a robot #how times have changed
shayden2435
am so distracted by the fact that hayden is getting metrosexual allegations in 2022 to even pay attention to emo shane leaks right now
#miki posts #how did we get here #sure what the hell tho #metrosexual hayden
boyfailshane
literally do not show me emo baby shane. i'll start crying omg.
#HE IS LITERALLY THREE APPLES TALL #EVERYONE BE KIND TO HIM
letsbeapear
[image: the rosa diaz meme where shes holding a puppy, except a photo of teenage shane is overlayed on top of the puppy. the text reads: I've only had Emo Shane Hollander for a day and a half. But if anything happened to him, I will kill everyone in this room and then myself.]
Just putting this out there.
#bea memes #i feel very passionately about this cutiepie #yuna let me be his mama too
ilyacumpster
The amount of hot topic that boy was wearing actually feels outrageous. And his makeup was just awful which pains me because his mother's makeup is literally always perfect and I've seen his cousin's instagram account. She is literally gorgeous and posts the most beautiful makeup looks ever. Where was she when sh24 was in the emo trenches… Anyways heres a post with all the pieces of clothing and makeup products I managed to ID from sh24's baby emo looks.
Show more…
#the cumpster #it is incredible how bad at fashion he is #he spent all that time in the closet for nothing
35pegger
Do you guys remember that one 35 ama on instagram where someone asked him who on the team had the strangest music taste and he said 24… Do you think 24 tried showing 35 screamo…
#hrpf #hp35sh24#35 was probably freaked tf out
🔄 hollanov reblogged 35pegger
Do you guys remember that one 35 ama on instagram where someone asked him who on the team had the strangest music taste and he said 24… Do you think 24 tried showing 35 screamo…
#okay #i raise you 81 repeatedly saying 24 doesnt know anything about music #35 reaction to his emo music mustve scarred 24 for life
boyz3iau
35hp is such a fucking Cuck. how the fuck did he fumble an emo wasian baddie. fuck him
#16jjb would have never #35hp youre being kicked out of the hrpf polycule
🔄 boyfailshane reblogged boyz3iau
35hp is such a fucking Cuck. how the fuck did he fumble an emo wasian baddie. fuck him
#loving the energy here #like shane wasnt even emo when he met hayden
songsabtshane
I hate how people talk about Shane and the people in his inner circle. It feels very invasive…
#julie rants #you guys dont get shane hollander like i do #these are real people! #rpfing gotta stop yall
shanesfrottage
YOU CANNOT BE ON HOCKEY TUMBLR AND GET MAD WHEN WE START RPFING
#fromthefrottage #this is freak shit #go back to hockeytwt
Dykstra and Ball Torture 🔒 @centaursfucker
you just know shane was the fakest emo poser out there. BOY IF YOU DONT GET BACK ON THE RINK
shanecake unfiltered 🔒 @shanecuckthrone
everyones acting like its revolutionary act but you can tell he was doing it for the vibes
Dykstra and Ball Torture 🔒 @centaursfucker
what im saying cause why r we acting like a SHANE HOLLANDER HOCKEY PLAYER is genuinely gonna be emo….
🔄 Dykstra and Ball Torture 🔒 @centaursfucker
The concept of Yuna Hollander responding to SH24's Agent and Faggot Patrol Officer #81…
[Yuna Hollander ☑️ @yhollander24: I helped picked out his outfits! :)]
shanecake unfiltered 🔒 @shanecuckthrone
You should be glad youre only on priv now Dykstra and Ball Torture
Dykstra and Ball Torture 🔒 @centaursfucker
Yeah because i respect myself. PEACE AND LOVE THO!
Faggot Patrol Officer #81 @iEatHollander
do you think ilya knows who i am
Dykstra and Ball Torture 🔒 @centaursfucker
You literally tag him in all your tweets. i think he knows who you are with or without yuna as the middle man
Dykstra and Ball Torture 🔒 @centaursfucker
Being free from being a public hockeytwt is still the best feeling ever. People werent there when i posted a 39 tweet long thread on why hollanov was real back in their rookie year and became enemy number one…
Faggot Patrol Officer #81 @iEatHollander
It makes me sick how you of all people are a hollanov veteran and your favourite hrpf ship is still shayden
Dykstra and Ball Torture 🔒 @centaursfucker
Shayden is peak wym
Faggot Patrol Officer #81 @iEatHollander
YOU CANT SAY THIS i know your ass hates shaydentwt
Dykstra and Ball Torture 🔒 @centaursfucker
they dont get shayden like I do…
shanecake unfiltered 🔒 @shanecuckthrone
yuna hollander seeing all the bullshit hrpftwt gets up to sounds like bullshit straight from fanfiction but then i remember shes been monitoring shanebugs accounts since he was 18
Dykstra and Ball Torture 🔒 @centaursfucker
I bet you she has a secret hrpf tumblr
shanecake unfiltered 🔒 @shanecuckthrone
my parents at my wedding: what the hell is shane hollanders mother here?
me: oh thats my tumblr oomf!
Dykstra and Ball Torture 🔒 @centaursfucker
you're joking but i plan to make this my reality
Dykstra and Ball Torture 🔒 @centaursfucker
#recenteringemoshane Why the fuck was his makeup always fucking crazy
Faggot Patrol Officer #81 @iEatHollander
did u see that tumblr post abt how shane always having shitty makeup despite yuna's and his cousin always having like perfect makeup looks
Dykstra and Ball Torture 🔒 @centaursfucker
I know his cousin wanted to die when she found out the only reason why his cousin was into makeup was so he could look a mess
shanecake unfiltered 🔒 @shanecuckthrone
guys it wasnt that bad
Dykstra and Ball Torture 🔒 @centaursfucker
this him?
[photo: a low quality photo of a young shane, most noticeably is how uneven and messily done his makeup is.]
shanecake unfiltered 🔒 @shanecuckthrone
okay it was bad but it wasnt AWFUL
Dykstra and Ball Torture 🔒 @centaursfucker
emo shane: UGH its not a phase guys! this is who i am!
david: you got it son! :)
yuna: dont worry baby i'll get you that hot topic brand deal
shanecake unfiltered 🔒 @shanecuckthrone
i hate this tweet
Dykstra and Ball Torture 🔒 @centaursfucker
if only shane held onto being emo for a bit longer. he couldve been the face of hot topic
Dykstra and Ball Torture 🔒 @centaursfucker
shane asking to get his ears pierced and hollander parents thinking hes finally ready to come out as gay but no. their son was just emo.
Faggot Patrol Officer #81 @iEatHollander
shane: mom.. dad…
david: love is love!
shane: im emo.
david: and death. love can be death too son. whatever you crazy kids say.
shanecake unfiltered 🔒 @shanecuckthrone
I HATE WHEN MY OOMFS START LARPING SHANES PARENTS ON MAIN AND THEYRE ACTUALLY FUNNY ABOUT IT.
Faggot Patrol Officer #81 @iEatHollander
my one wish is to become david hollander and be married to yuna hollander #milfhunter
shanecake unfiltered 🔒 @shanecuckthrone
NURSE!!
🔄 Dykstra and Ball Torture 🔒 @centaursfucker
FUCK DO YOU MEAN HE PIERCED HIS OWN EARS???
[mei @shanebear: According to my mum shane did most of his piercings diy. the fact that they healed so nicely is a miracle]
shanecake unfiltered 🔒 @shanecuckthrone
shane pls repierce ur ears. mama please
Dykstra and Ball Torture 🔒 @centaursfucker
im telling you shane hollander has nipples and a dick piercing
shanecake unfiltered 🔒 @shanecuckthrone
mmhghmgm… call me ilya rozanov da way im fucking him tonight
shanecake unfiltered 🔒 @shanecuckthrone
Shane Hollander I know you had gay friends in highschool.
Faggot Patrol Officer #81 @iEatHollander
wow not even gay emo friends in highschool could have saved him from a situationship from hell with ilya rozanov… makes you think
shanecake unfiltered 🔒 @shanecuckthrone
shane was fighting the war of coughing baby (lameass emo kids) versus hydrogen bomb (teenage boy hockey locker room culture) on both sides. he went through a lot as a kid you cant blame him
Dykstra and Ball Torture 🔒 @centaursfucker
shane doesnt deserve the lameass emo kid title he was a spy
Faggot Patrol Officer #81 @iEatHollander
God forbid shane hollander contain multitudes #emojock
my beautiful gf rosie posie (shane dont change this name!!)
my beautiful gf rosie posie (shane dont change this name!!)
i feel like it was about time your dark past was revealed…
how is ilya reacting to it all??
He isn't.
I have spent the entire day trying to make sure it doesn't reach him.
my beautiful gf rosie posie (shane dont change this name!!)
babygirl i love the effort but one of the posts abt it got like 1M likes
so good luck hiding that
i believe in u babes!
Are you being genuine?
my beautiful gf rosie posie (shane dont change this name!!)
lol nah hes def gonna find out
why are you even hiding it from him
I don't know if you've looked closely enough at the photos Rose.
But I actually look awful.
my beautiful gf rosie posie (shane dont change this name!!)
you were like 15
Still.
my beautiful gf rosie posie (shane dont change this name!!)
ilya starts crying when he sees a photo of you at 18
i dont think he will care if you looked horrendous at 15…
[voice note: "he'll probably start like cooing.. and tearing up. wait. wait let me do an impression. (she puts on an extremely poor russian accent) ohh shane you were so cute. my love how could you hide this from me. shane you were just baby then how could you be emo and sad? my poor thing… (she goes back to her normal voice) something like that."]
Its really amazing how good of an actor you are when you can't do accents.
If I showed Ilya that he would never let you back into our house again…
my beautiful gf rosie posie (shane dont change this name!!)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…
but seriously you have nothing to worry about babes
I guess. I mean he can't really divorce me for being emo as a teenager.
It was just embarrassing.
my beautiful gf rosie posie (shane dont change this name!!)
you werent even that emo you poser
and this is ilya we're talking about
youve probably embarrassed yourself in front of him a million of times!
and he still loves you!
as young says
be cringe and free!
Okay firstly ouch. I don't embarrass myself that much.
And why are you talking to Young?
my beautiful gf rosie posie (shane dont change this name!!)
ive said too much…
Rose…..
Oh my god Ilya somehow got his phone and is starting an instagram live.
I'll come back to this.
read at 16:04
IR81 Updates @ilyarozanovupdates
ilya is live on instagram!
check it out here: https://www.instagram.com/ilyaroz…
IR81 Updates @ilyarozanovupdates
per ususal i'll be giving live updates on whats happening!
IR81 Updates @ilyarozanovupdates
okay so right now ilya is… running around his house. hes screaming in russian and its honestly a bit incomprehensible but its something along the lines of "shanya my love please just let me go on my phone" "my fans miss me!" "my dick can only take so many blowjobs as distraction!"
IR81 Updates @ilyarozanovupdates
im really scared to ask… you can hear shane yelling back in russian and i think they're chasing eachother around the house. im not going to try translating shanes russian because i can barely hear it and his accent is a bit hard to understand when the audio is this scuffed…
IR81 Updates @ilyarozanovupdates
SHANE STARTED YELLING IN FRENCH? if anyone knows french and can translate what he said please dm me! all i got out is "no sex for a month"
IR81 Updates @ilyarozanovupdates
okay so theyve started running around their backyard. jesus christ. ilya is telling us that shane hasn't let him on his phone for the entire day which makes him think shane is hiding something from him…
IR81 Shady Facts Corner @rozadump
Did Shane Hollander spend the entire day trying to hide his emo past from Ilya by revoking phone priviliges and using sex as a distraction…
SH24's Agent @shanecake
i forgot shane was lowk quirked up and fucking insane enough to do stuff like this
IR81 Shady Facts Corner @rozadump
Getting teary eyed rn…becoming a centaur and having to father Young really made him lose it
SH24's Agent @shanecake
remember when hayden would complain about how shanes bed time was 7pm and how jj was sad shane would never go clubbing with them… and now hes chasing his husband around their house because he doesnt want his husband to know he was fake emo… oh how times have changed
Gay Cliff Marlow @bostonbrewins
ilya having an update account that functions like a kpop update account and isnt run by someone who posts a photo of ilya bulge and calls it a day is kind of funny
IR81 Shady Facts Corner @rozadump
i take my job very seriously
Gay Cliff Marlow @bostonbrewins
dont you run the shane hollander ass daily account too
IR81 Shady Facts Corner @rozadump
I TAKE MY JOBS VERY SERIOUSLY.
hollanova truther @81masterbaiter
Watching the Ilya Rozanov instagram live and understanding what they're saying. We all know too much about eachother.
young ☑️ @youngcentaurs
thts literally what we've been sayingggg
Luca Haas ☑️ @lucahaasofficial
You are the last person who should be talking.
hollanova truther @81masterbaiter
DO ANY OF YOU WANNA CHECK UP ON YOUR CAPTAIN AND ALTERNATE???
luca glasses believer @centaurhatchlings
we have to eradicate gen z celebrities because why are the centaurs rookies on twitter acting like theyre oomf…
IR81 Updates @ilyarozanovupdates
okay they've settled down and are back inside.
IR81 Updates @ilyarozanovupdates
81: i do not know why you want to take my phonetime away
81: how else am i supposed to see sexy instagram reel edits of my husband doing yoga
24: you watch me to yoga everyday? what?
IR81 Updates @ilyarozanovupdates
shane is trying to block ilya from reading the comments (all of them are about the recently posted photos and videos of shane as a video)… i guess we know why shane was so adamant on ilya not having his phone
IR81 Updates @ilyarozanovupdates
81: shaneeee let me read at the comments
24: no i dont want you to
81: normally i find you ordering me around very sexy
24: ilya.
81: extremely sexy
24: ilya..
81: the mostest sexy?
IR81 Updates @ilyarozanovupdates
shane looked at his phone after getting a notification and sighed before letting ilya read the comments. who do you think finally got shane to accept his fate?
IR81 Updates @ilyarozanovupdates
81: finally! let me see!
81: 'ilya did you see the photos of teenager shane?'
81: what!?
IR81 Updates @ilyarozanovupdates
ilya started acting like shane had shot him. apparently ilya has never gotten to see photos of shane from 15 to 16 and is absolutely devastated about how we got to see them beforehand.
IR81 Updates @ilyarozanovupdates
81: you dont love me
24: trust me you dont want to see these photos
81: i want to see every part of you baby
jennie @sh24ies
im so dead at ilya randomly being romantic at the strangest times
jennie @sh24ies
like actually. what do you mean "i want to see every part of you"
mei @shanebear
i have photos of shane hollander that ilya rozanov has never seen before… what do i even do with this power
Faggot Patrol Officer #81 @iEatHollander
you are so unbelievably lucky that ilya isnt on twitter right now
mei @shanebear
i can take him
lexi⁸¹³⁵ @pikenov
ILYA TALKING ABOUT HAYDEN . pikenov prevails once again
emma ★ @hollanova
hes laughing at hayden getting called a metrosexual?
lexi⁸¹³⁵ @pikenov
let me have this.
IR81 Updates @ilyarozanovupdates
Shane has bregrudgingly given ilya his phone to look at the posts about #emoshane
IR81 Updates @ilyarozanovupdates
roz immediately tearing up at seeing the candy cigarette shane photo??
IR81 Updates @ilyarozanovupdates
81: my love remember when you yelled at me for smoking when we first met
81: little did i know you were also a rebel
24: i didnt yell at you ilya.
24: its not a real cigarette. it doesnt count.
81: (said in russian) my little bunny is a rebel
IR81 Updates @ilyarozanovupdates
ilya saw the video yuna hollander posted earlier and started cry laughing. shane looks like hes trying not to die inside.
IR81 Updates @ilyarozanovupdates
81: you look so horrible blond. you should just leave that to me.
24: thanks.
81: so cute though that you tried. (in russian) my little sunshine.
24: youre insufferable
81: you loveeee me.
IR81 Updates @ilyarozanovupdates
okay they started giving eachother goo goo eyes. and then the live ended.
i'll be posting a full subtitled version of the live on youtube tomorrow!
live runtime: 1h 28m
hollanova truther @81masterbaiter
the implication that shane has twitter on his phone
Rose Landry ☑️ @roselandryactress
You didn't hear this from me but he has a burner account where he looks at posts about him and Ilya!
hollanova truther @81masterbaiter
this is a literal atomic bomb youve dropped on us. dude what the fuck
troy's leanna @lesbarrett
is harris alive
Harris Drover @droverapples
I really wish that wasn't my circus and that they weren't my monkeys.
troy's leanna @lesbarrett
you and me both man…
Ilya Rozanov ☑️ @russianterminator81
Could not let my husband be the only one who was emo ;P
[photo: ilya rozanov with strong emo makeup. it is horribly done but ilya is smiling either way.]
shanecake unfiltered 🔒 @shanecuckthrone
omg he still sucks at makeup . my shanebug im getting emotional