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His face was not his own. Sometimes it was easy to forget that in the heat of battle, far away from any kind of mirror.
Not that Yami remembered what he looked like. But in the puzzle, he caught glimpses of sharp wine-coloured eyes and golden strands mixed in his otherwise dark spikes of his hair.
Two round purple eyes stared back at him now. The whites irritated red. His bangs were softer, cradling his rounder cheeks. An extra strand dropped just above the bridge of his nose. He looked so much smaller huddled against the window. Then again, Yugi had always been small.
For the briefest second, he could pretend that it was Yugi staring back. Translucent like always, but beside him. Always beside him. A passenger in his own body.
Yami swallowed thickly before the bile started rising again. He needed to stop staring. Only another mental spiral and sickening guilt waited for him there. But he couldn’t help himself. Not when the vision of Yugi was right there, at his fingertips. Maybe he could pretend…
He thumbed away the tears collecting in the eyes that were not his.
He never did like seeing Yugi cry.
He ripped his gaze away, falling instead to the floor, vision unfocused. But the damage had been done. Those damn purple eyes still haunted him. Looking up at him so…so sweetly as he pushed him. It was rather gentle all things considered. Yet Yami had easily stumbled forward, weakened by the reality of what he had done crushing him.
There was no fear in those eyes. Not even tears of hurt or betrayal. No. Instead, devotion, trust twinkled back. Trust that Yami had just proven he didn’t deserve. Honestly, it hurt worse than a look of vitriol or pain.
Yugi had never seemed capable of vitriol. Not even to someone as cruel and greedy as Ushio. Even after Kaiba threatened his life, his grandfather, Yugi refused to turn his back on him. Refused to let him throw his life away. Refused to let Yami bulldoze over it.
So many months later, Yami still wondered if his actions were purely noble for the sake of Yugi’s grandfather. If pride—the thirst to win—reared its ugly head, just a bit.
There was no question now. He’d given into that dark side of pride. No one's life hung in the balance until he played that card. The only victim would have been his ego if he hadn’t been so stupid.
Yet Yugi still looked at him with such kindness in those final moments. Handed over his trust so willingly. Handed over his soul in trade for Yami’s. So. Willingly.
While Yami had sacrificed him without a second thought.
If it wasn’t for the fact Yugi was condemned to the worser fate, this would be quite the fitting punishment. To lose something you cherished more than anything. Than your very life. Because you let pride eat away at your soul. Because you couldn’t stand to lose a silly children’s game.
His—No—Yugi’s hand trembled. Yami’s desire to touch him, cradle his face pumped through the veins. Maybe Yugi would be able to feel it…wherever he was. But Yami didn’t deserve it. He already tainted this body enough.
It was so…quiet now. Alone. Or maybe not quiet exactly. Not when his own thoughts crowded his mind like they were. Thoughts of purple eyes and kind smiles that choked him until he couldn’t breath. Muscles winding up tight until they burned.
There was no soft voice to calm him. No heart that he could just curl up into away from the world until another duel came up.
Yugi called Yami his protector, failing to realize just how much he protected Yami. Out of the corner of this body’s eye, he caught the pink marks on its palms. They had been lucky the burns hadn’t been worse. They had been lucky that Joey and Tristain had made it in time before Yugi completely suffocated.
And Yami didn’t do anything.
He clenched the hand into a shaking fist, white hot anger thrumming through him until he felt like he’d explode. This time, he wasn’t so lucky. Pain bloomed along the knuckles as they met the wall in front of him. His legs quaked before giving out completely. “I’m sorry, Partner,” he mumbled weakly. It tasted bitter in the mouth. Hollow. Because no apology would bring Yugi back. Crumpled up on the train car floor, body numb, he wondered if he even had the strength to go on.
I trust you my other…self.
Yugi’s heart fluttered. Yami jerked the hand towards the chest, feeling the pulse beneath the fingertips. The beat quickly settled into a steady constant, one Yami knew better than anything else. Yugi hadn’t given up yet. This body hadn’t given up yet.
Carefully, he rose to his feet again.