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Grace took a deep breath in before speaking.
“What you just saw is what is called a panic attack-” Rocky shot up on his legs.
“Attack! What attack Grace, question? Rocky protect—” Grace shook his head around in the air between them to get Rocky to calm down.
“No. Nothing is actually attacking me, Rock.” Rocky sunk down again and edged closer to Grace. Grace put his head in his hands.
“It’s when our body’s and mind’s perceive a threat that isn’t actually there. The body issues a response, we call it flight or fight. In this case, mine was flight.” Grace felt the stinging sensation of tears building at the waterline of his eyes. “I remembered something from Earth.” Rocky rolled closer still. He sat perfectly still which was really weird for him. He was never still or quiet. Grace took another deep breath.
“You know how I told you that everyone on board the ship volunteered for this?” Rocky nodded. “Well, I—” Grace screwed his eyes shut. “I didn’t—”
Rocky tilted his carapace questioningly. Grace sighed again.
“I was—” The tears rolled down his face now. “I was drugged and forcibly put on the ship. I didn’t have a choice.” Rocky froze for a moment. He tapped his claws together, he was nervous or thinking of what to say or both.
“Humans bad bad bad. Grace good. Grace brave.” Grace chuckled, shaking his head.
“But I’m not, Rocky. I ran away. I tried to get away from them sending me to space. I’m-” Grace hiccuped. “I’m a coward.”
Rocky adamantly shook in disagreement.
“No.” One of his claws stamped against the Xeonite walls. “Grace best human. Grace risk life for Earth. Grace brave, statement.”
Grace didn’t know how to respond to that. He supposed Rocky was right on some level. He’d nearly died during the trip to Adrian, but he’d also nearly killed Rocky during that. So, no, he wasn’t brave. Not by his standards at least.
“No. I’m really not Rocky. I’m a coward. I didn’t want to be here. I’m meant to die up here-”
“No.” Rocky stamped all of his claws this time. “Grace live. Rocky give Grace Astrophage to home. Grace brave, statement!” Grace chuckled a little. He had to give Rocky kudos for being so adamant. Or stubborn. Before Grace could get another word in to argue, Rocky spoke again.
“Rocky give humans mind.” Grace chuckled through the tears again.
“I think you mean, a piece of your mind.” Rocky stamped his claws again.
“Rocky know what Rocky mean. Rocky hurt humans who hurt Grace, statement.” Grace genuinely laughed at that. If Rocky could get to Earth, he would give Stratt a piece of his mind and try to intimidate her, even from his ball.
“What Grace laugh at, question?” Grace laughed a little more. He couldn’t help it.
“Just your stubbornness, buddy. I know you’d happily give Stratt a piece of your mind.” Rocky stood proudly.
“Yes, Rocky would, statement. Rocky would give life for Grace, statement.” Grace was not sure what to say to that so he sat there in stunned silence for a few moments.
“I mean— You don’t have to do that, bud.” Rocky rolled into Grace side, where he pushed his carapace against the Xeonite wall of the ball.
“Rocky would give life for Grace, statement! No ask!” Grace smiled again. Rocky had been slowly learning English from Grace but punctuation and grammar hadn’t been too high on that list. It always made Grace laugh when Rocky’s grammar was off, despite it being Grace’s own fault for programming the laptop like that.
“Thanks, Rocky. I would happily give my life for you too.” Rocky shook his carapace again.
“No. Grace not need to give his life for Rocky. Grace already given life for planet. Even without permission. Grace want to talk about ♪♩♫♩♩♬♪ attack, question?” Grace could put together what Rocky meant. He knows he should talk about it, but he really doesn’t want to. He took a deep breath.
“I— I remembered how Stratt– the leader of the Hail Mary project— forced me onto the ship. The other two scientists—Martin DuBois and Annie Shapiro–died in an explosion in an accident back on Earth. Just three days from the Hail Mary’s launch.” Rocky nodded along to signal he was listening. “They were the original science team for the project. They had volunteered for the project, knowing—” Grace took a breath. “Knowing they were going to die for the planet. DuBois was the primary scientist, meaning he was supposed to be up here right now. Shapiro was his back-up in case—” Grace took a moment as a sob wracked his body.
“In case something were to happen to DuBois.” Rocky nudged Grace to keep going. He was looking up at him with his carapace the entire time. Grace thanked whatever God was out there that Rocky didn’t have eyes because he would absolutely be avoiding making eye contact right now.
“DuBois and Shapiro both died in an accident. They were doing an experiment and there was an explosion. There was a measuring error with the Astrophage. It killed them both instantly.” Rocky reached out through his mesh section of the ball to rest his claw on Grace’s leg.
“There was a meeting between myself, Stratt and—” Grace took another moment. “The other two members of the Hail Mary. Stratt had already decided that I am the back-up to the other pair. I was the leading expert on Astrophage and I had been there throughout all the meetings and discussions about Hail Mary so it made sense to be me—” Rocky stamped his claws yet again.
“No. Grace not volunteer. Grace shouldn’t be here, statement.” Rocky cuddled closer to Grace’s side with his last words. Grace curled around him.
“Well, I get to go home because of you, bud. So thank you.” Rocky pressed his carapace against the Xeonite walls.
“No need to thank Rocky. Grace is friend, statement.”