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Mel lays in bed, finally home from the barbecue at the Langdon house. Meeting Frank’s whole family had been wonderful, but a bit overwhelming. Abby had been so kind and had swept her into conversation immediately. She’d told her that she was so glad that she was friends with Frank and hoped that they would be friends too. It made Mel glow a little inside, especially because Abby was so earnest about it. Mel had never had a woman that pretty want to be her friend. Abby reminded her vividly of the cheerleaders from her high school, except unlike those girls, Abby didn’t seem to find her off-putting. And the kids were adorable, if loud and rambunctious. It made Mel privately very glad she didn’t have any of her own. Becca had decided against coming, so Frank was the only person she had known, which was a little intimidating. She liked everyone, though, and it had been just so nice to talk to Abby’s best friend, Quinn, and exchange numbers. It had not been overly focused on sexuality or anything. It just felt like a friendly barbeque. It was still a lot more overwhelming than she had expected. If she is ever invited again, she’ll be a little more prepared next time. She was glad to be home and in the darkened, quiet room. Honestly, she was a little grateful that Becca was with Adam tonight, even though it was also painful that her sister had picked her boyfriend over her again. At least she can sink into bed and fall asleep without needing to do anything else.
Walking into work the next day, Frank bounces over to her as soon as he sees her.
“Everyone loved you, Mel. In fact, Abby is insisting that I invite you to everything now, and I know she wants to grab coffee or something with you next time you're free.” He’s looking so hopefully at her she actually believes him. She feels the glow from yesterday bubble up again so she smiles back at him.
“Sure! Maybe not every time, but I had fun. And I like Abby a lot.” She pulls out her phone. “Did I get her number?”
Frank shakes his head, “you didn't, but I am happy to be the vehicle.” He reaches a hand out, so she carefully puts the phone in. He taps out the new contact for her and gives it right back. It's more of a relief that she expects. She doesn't have anything that she'd be actually bothered by him, or anyone, seeing, but it still is a relief to have it back in her hands. She tucks her phone away after tapping out a very quick message to Abby, letting her know who she is.
“We should gather for rounds,” she says as she looks back up. Frank grins at her and they walk together for handoff.
It’s a busy day at the hospital, and Mel has gotten pulled into three traumas before lunchtime. Dr. Al-Hashimi told her she was doing very well, and even had her lead one of them. She’s picking up a pediatric patient when Frank slides over to her and offers to help.
“Oh! No, I was going to grab Dr. Santos for this. She’s got a gift with kids, and I think she should consider a peds fellowship so I like to pull her in on these where I can.”
Frank raises an eyebrow at her. “Really? Santos?” He glances at the girl, who is furiously charting away. “She doesn’t seem like the type.”
“Hmm, I know, but her patient satisfaction scores are much higher with pediatric patients than anyone else. And having been in the room with her, it’s like a whole different person.” Mel cradles the ipad she’d picked up. “Honestly, if your kids came in, she’d be my very first suggestion for them.”
Frank blinks. “Oh, my first choice would be you in that situation.”
Mel smiles at him. “And that means a lot to me! I would do my best work for them, you know that. But Dr. Santos is magic. You should see her on a case like this sometime.”
“Huh.” Frank looks like he’s seriously thinking about what Mel said, so she slips off to grab Dr. Santos so they can get started on taking the kid’s history.
It ends up being appendicitis, which Dr. Santos figures out almost immediately, even before all the scans come back. Just as Mel knew she would be, Dr. Santos is gentle and soothing for the girl’s fears and reassures the mom that her daughter will be just fine. It’s urgent, but not an emergency. When Dr. Garcia does come down to take her up, though, Mel can feel the tension radiating off of both of them. It reminds her of what Frank said, about how Dr. Garcia was aromantic. She’d thought before that maybe the two doctors were dating, but obviously that revelation made it clear they were not. Dr. Santos seems kind of upset though, so maybe she had wanted that. Mel files that away in the folder in her brain marked TRINITY SANTOS, right next to the information about her difficult relationship with her mom and the way she sounds when screaming karaoke.
Mel is sitting at Central and charting with Dr. Santos. She leans over when it looks like the other woman is taking a break.
“Hey, Dr. Santos?”
“Mmm?”
“I think you were right. About me.” Dr. Santos looks up and raises an eyebrow at her, asking her to continue, she’s pretty sure. “Um, about me being asexual.”
Dr. Santos grins at her and Mel breathes an internal sigh of relief. “Hey, welcome to the club man. Being queer is the best, whatever anyone says.” She sticks out her fist and Mel hesitantly gives her a fist bump. “We gotta celebrate! We could do karaoke again if you want. Or maybe hit up a gay bar? Farmer’s markets are pretty queer too, that could be fun. Since we missed Pride we can hit it up together next year. If we book the time now we might actually get it off.” Dr. Santos winks at her.
Mel studies Trinity for a moment, getting her jumbled, buzzing thoughts in order before replying, “I actually have an idea. If you're down.”
“Spit it Mel-content.”
“What about going to the Renaissance Faire? It’s a very queer friendly place. I always see lots of vendors with different queer themed merchandise, for example. It starts later this month and that gives me some time to help you with a costume.” Now that the idea is out there, Mel can't bring herself to look at Dr. Santos.
“You like that shit?” Mel nods, still staring at her lap. Dr. Santos is too cool for this, why did she bring it up? Dr. Santos continues though, “do you think they would care if I came dressed as a knight?” The earnest question takes Mel by surprise.
“Oh every person I've ever met going to a Faire would love that. There's always lots of female knights! Sometimes there are even female knights in the story line, and last year I cheered for the female knight for the joust.”
“Niceeee. I think it sounds pretty fun actually.”
“Really?” Mel smiles at Dr. Santos.
“Hell yeah. Let's do this! Text me the details.” With that, Dr. Santos turns back to her charting. Mel does as well, but Dr. Langdon calls her for a STEMI almost immediately and she's off again.
Mel checks the schedule and sees that by some miracle she and Dr. Santos both have opening day of the Faire off. She texts the other woman the information and is surprised when she doesn't falter at the prospect of spending over an hour in the car each way and then upwards of eight hours at the Faire itself. There is a creeping fear that Dr. Santos is going to humiliate her in some long game prank, but she reminds herself that she had invited her out to karaoke, offered to include Becca without question, and been genuinely kind that whole night. Not to mention, she’s been inviting her to hang out since karaoke, with and without Becca. She’s even wrangled little bonding sessions with the residents. She knows Dr. Santos likes her. And while she could be sarcastic and hard to read, Mel has witnessed her be gentle to those who needed it most. So she takes a deep breath and reassures herself.
On the day of the Faire, Trinity picks Mel up precisely on the dot at 8:30 am. It’s Trinity now, she’d told her that they had done karaoke together and they were going on a road trip, so calling her Dr. Santos when they weren’t at work was weird. They’d even hung out a few times with other people. Trinity was the only person Mel has ever seen successfully convince Dr. Mohan to do anything outside the hospital, even if it was only that one time. She’s hopeful that this trip will continue that trajectory of friendship. Mel carefully hangs the components of her costume in their garment bag so they are in perfect shape for the Faire itself. She sees a bag with what looks like a knight outfit peeking out in the back that presumably contains Trinity’s costume. She’s delighted that Trinity seems to be taking the dressing up so seriously, especially since she had firmly refused any and all assistance with it.
“Ready to rock and roll?”
“Yes! I brought a playlist too. We don’t have to listen to it, but I thought it might get us in the mood.”
“I’m always in the mood.” Trinity says it with a lascivious smile and a wink but, frankly, Mel is so excited for this that nothing could bring her down. “Put it on Mel-lady.”
It's kind of surprising how companionable the drive feels. Trinity bobs along to the music and doesn't mind when Mel sings along quietly to the shanties. They chat a little, but Trinity strictly insists on no work talk, which severely limits what Mel has to even talk about.
They arrive early, which is a relief. Mel likes to be there for the opening of the gates to get the most out of the day. After years of doing this, Mel quickly and efficiently puts every piece of her outfit on. She's already in her chemise, of course, but petticoats, stays, and gown all go on in the parking lot. She smoothes down the gown and looks up to see Trinity staring at her. She looks down self consciously.
“Damn, you look good. Where did you get all that?”
“Oh I made most of it! Not the stays of course, I bought those online from a historical reenactment website, but everything else!”
Trinity looks impressed. She's still just in leggings and a black shirt. “It was a rush job, so I ended up just getting some stuff off of Amazon, but this is so much cooler.”
Mel glows under the praise. “Well, if you want to come again next year I can make some stuff for you! And there's lots of cool vendors in the Faire itself. You can see what you like.”
Trinity grins at her. “I would like that.”
Trinity's knight costume is not very accurate or even decent quality, but It will serve its role for this one time. She'd taken this far more seriously than Mel had expected, and that makes Mel hopeful that this would actually be a real friendship. They still have nearly a full two years together at PTMC, and more if she gets a fellowship or an attending position there like she is hoping. The tantalizing hope of having a friend who will stick around is almost more than she can bear.
It would be nice to feel like she has more than just Becca and Frank in the world. And Abby and Quinn, she supposes. She'd gone for coffee with Abby a couple weeks ago and it had gone well. Abby listened to her rambles with no complaints, and had even gone on a few herself. It turns out that Abby has a degree in astrophysics and loves to talk about neutrinos. It was a fascinating conversation, but it also made it clear that they were not there to stay. When Frank is done with his residency and fellowship, they are planning to move to Wisconsin so she can work in the neutrino lab there. In the meantime, she works part time with Pitt in one of their labs. Their neutrino program was thrilled to have her and were trying to woo her into staying, but Abby wants to go back to her graduate program, apparently, and get a PhD. It was cool and she really admired Abby, but it did remind Mel that any relationship built with the other residents had an end date. Still, the whole Langdon family was wonderful. She was glad to have even this time with them.
Mel shakes her head and refocuses on Trinity, who is right there beside her. Solid and somehow excited to do the dorky thing she’d suggested. It makes her feel warm, almost sparkly.
Trinity loops Mel's arm through hers. “Come on, Mel-lady. Let me escort a pretty maiden, like a proper knight.” Mel lets her. She lets Trinity do a lot, she thinks.
Inside the Faire, Trinity drops her arm to spin around and take everything in. Mel joins her. No matter how many times she comes, there's something truly magical about a Renaissance Faire that takes her breath away. She glances back at Trinity, who's gazing around, looking a little awestruck. It makes her smile, secretly. Trinity always presents herself as above it all, so it is nice to see that she is just as full of wonder as anyone else. She gives Trinity a few minutes to really revel in it, before gently interrupting her.
“There’s so much more of the Faire to see! Come, let’s take a walk through to see the vendors, and then I was thinking we could check out the Washing Well Wenches for their first show. Their humor is up your alley, so I think you’ll like it.”
Trinity turns to look at her. “It’s your celebration, Mel-lady, we can do whatever you want.”
“Oh, well, um, I think it could be fun for me too.” It’s true, she’s never been to the show. Becca had never really wanted to go and it had never been something she had been willing to fight over.
Trinity searches her face for a minute before offering her arm. “Then by all means, lead the way!. You said vendors first, right?”
Mel nods as she takes Trinity’s arm. “Yes! We won’t buy anything yet, but it’s good to do an initial sweep to see if there’s anything we want. Then come back after! You brought cash, right?”
Trinity pats her pocket. “Aye aye.”
The grounds are beautiful and Mel loves wandering around. She loves watching Trinity’s face as she picks up the different weapons and leathercraft and runs her fingers over it. It’s ridiculously satisfying to get to see this side of Trinity, to see her wholeheartedly interested in something. Mel herself doesn’t find anything new that she wants to buy, but it’s just as fun for her to help Trinity compare wares. They double back to one of the leather stores because Trinity liked the spiked leather pauldrons and she wants to wear them the whole day. Mel helps her tie them on after purchase. Trinity’s eyes have The Look, the one that means that she’s caught the Ren Faire bug.
“You look very dashing, sir!” The shopkeeper grins at the finished look.
“Oh she’s not–” “Thank you.”
Mel glances at Trinity, who has an odd expression on her face. She tucks that way for later. Not the time.
“Ready to eat something? We should squeeze it in now before ‘The Witch Trial’ starts.” Trinity follows her obediently.
They wait in line for some turkey legs. It isn’t exactly Mel’s favorite meal, but it’s a Faire classic she can’t not expose Trinity to. Trinity chows down enthusiastically, which doesn’t surprise Mel at all really. Trinity’s cracking jokes left and right, and they feel much funnier than when she does the same in the hospital. Everything feels so much lighter here.
“So,” says Mel, trying to pull off nonchalance, “should I call you sir while we’re here? Perhaps Sir Trinity? Or you can choose a new name? Tristan is kind of close to Trinity, for example. Personally, I like to keep mine, but these are characters, so–”
“Sir Tristan would be cool.” Trinity looks hesitant as she speaks.
“Sir Tristan it is!” Mel smiles at her, delighted that Trinity is embracing the fun of the Faire. “It’s fun to explore different things through fantasy, you know? One of the reasons I love Ren Faires so much is because I feel the most myself here. It’s easy to exist, you know?” Trinity nods, but doesn’t really respond. She’s watching Mel seriously though, so Mel charges on ahead. “I spend so much of my life not feeling like my body is right or my brain is right but none of that is true here. Here, I’m just right.”
Trinity gnaws on the turkey leg for a moment, while Mel holds her breath and fear curdles in her stomach. She’d thought Trinity had softened, at least around her sometimes, and that she was getting a handle on when Trinity was going to be sarcastic and mean, but maybe she had miscalculated. Maybe this offering of vulnerability will result in more teasing.
“I’ve always found my body to be a useful tool,” Trinity finally says. “That’s what it is, you know? And it’s a good tool, a great tool even.” She cuts herself off and grabs her mead.
Mel inclines her head. “Well, sure. But I have been reading about asexuality, and one thing I really resonated with is the idea of gender detachment.” Trinity is staring again so she, once again, keeps going, her heart thumping in her chest. “Apparently, it’s common for asexual people to not really feel like any particular gender, and sometimes that can extend to just feeling disconnected from your body in general. So I have been thinking a lot about that, and how much sense it makes for my whole life.” Mel gestures to her outfit. “This is the most I ever really feel like a woman. Or even like a person.”
Trinity blinks at her. Mel holds her breath, yet again. This wasn’t exactly something she wants spread around the ED. Truthfully, she’d never told another person before. But she wants this friendship, and she thinks Trinity wants it too. So she’s taking a risk. She prays it pays off.
“Detachment, huh? Like, dissociation?”
Mel shakes her head. “No, no. More like there’s an empty space where most people feel their gender. At least, that’s how one of the papers I read described it. For me it sort of just feels like I’ve been told I am a woman so I am. Plus I am just not very connected to my body to begin with. I often don’t realize I am hungry or thirsty until the situation is dire.”
“I get that. I find it easy for me to ignore pain or hunger or whatever. Which I guess isn’t quite the same thing but, you know. And the gender thing is interesting. I dunno.”
Mel fights to keep from breaking into a giant smile. Trinity is opening up to her! She hums in response and takes a bite of turkey leg. Ach. Dry. She lets the silence linger, trying to see if Trinity will add anything else.
She’s rewarded for her patience when Trinity opens her mouth again. “It’s funny, the thing that makes me feel most alive is a pretty girl. Even if it doesn’t stay that way.”
Mel cocks her head. “What do you mean?”
Trinity shrugs. “I don’t know. Sometimes,” she looks around and whispers, “sex,” before returning to her regular volume, “doesn’t feel solid, I guess. Not like when I’m just thinking about the girl.”
Mel stands and extends her hand to take Trinity’s trash and then Trinity’s own hand. Walking, she thinks, is probably a better way to have this conversation. Trinity already looks on the verge of bolting and maybe if she was a better person she’d let her. But she wants every bit that Trinity will give her. She loops her arm through Trinity’s, like they’ve been walking since beginning.
“You mean with Garcia?”
Trinity smiles thinly. “Garcia, yes, but also most of the other people I’ve been with. I’m sure it’s something to do with me, that I’ve never really found it, uh, grounding? I guess? I love women, I do. I love making them happy. But I think my favorite part of it is before anything happens. When the high of getting to see her is enough to keep me buzzing.”
“When everything is a possibility.” Mel nods. She understands that. Not in the same way, of course, but it’s not dissimilar to how she feels jumping in on a trauma. Mel prefers surety in her life– her routine with Becca most critically– but it doesn’t shock her that Trinity is all about a more chaotic existence. And really, they are both emergency room doctors. At least to some extent, it’s in their bones.
Trinity smiles slightly. “Yeah. It doesn’t really help that I’ve been doing the whole casual thing for so long. I don’t know when it stopped being for me, but I do know Garcia is why I realized it wasn’t anymore.”
“Oh?”
Trinity huffs out a pained laugh. “Yeah, she told me that I needed to stop trying to take her on dates and find someone who actually wanted them. Then she gave me a kiss on the top of the head, told me our thing was over, and handed me a list of numbers for a therapist. She’d done a bunch of research into who the best ones for my,” Trinity hesitates for a moment, “particular issues were.”
“Did you go?”
“Yeah. I’ve been seeing this one lady weekly for the past month or so. I don’t know if it’s helping, but she doesn’t feel the same as, uh, previous experiences, so I’m trying.” Trinity’s eyes skitter away from Mel, so she redirects the conversation.Trinity is so rarely vulnerable and she doesn’t want her to start snapping like she’s seen with Whitaker when he pushes too much.
“I am happy to be a sounding board whenever you need. If you ever need. Though, we should get to the Crown Stage first, the show starts in a few minutes and I want good seats.”
Afterwards, they wander around some more. There’s so much music to check out, and Trinity helps Mel pick out a gift for Becca– a charm to add to the bracelet Becca doesn’t wear but likes to look at. Mel notices Trinity’s eyes lingering on some pretty hair accessories. She’s never seen her wear anything more than a ponytail holder in her hair, so she doesn’t think it’s for her. She sidles over to her and examines them too.
“Thinking of buying someone a gift?” Mel tries to be as casual as possible.
“Oh, uh, I was just thinking that it might be nice for Mohan to have a new claw clip.” Trinity avoids her eyes so Mel just hums as she joins her in looking at the offerings.
“What about this one?” Mel points to a relatively simple option that has flowers pressed and then embedded in the clip itself. “It seems like it might be up her alley.”
“You don’t think it’s too much? Giving her a gift?”
Mel smiles at her. “I think Samira would be delighted by a gift from you.” Privately, Mel thinks Trinity should make a move, but she’s not going to say that out loud. If she is going to hear Trinity talk about how skilled and talented and pretty Mohan is– and she is, Mel knows this– then she’s going to try to encourage them towards each other. Besides, the only time Samira ever agreed to do anything was when Trinity asked her and Mel may not be an expert in all of this, but she does feel confident that Samira likes Trinity too.
After Trinity makes her purchase, Mel loops her arm through Trinity’s. “Come along, Sir Tristan, we should get a snack and then head over to the jousting yard.” Trinity’s answering smile is almost blinding and Mel preens under it.
They settle into the stands. Mel has made sure they are in the section for the lady knight. Partially because she always likes to support women, and partially because she thinks Trinity will enjoy the eye candy. The joust itself is over too soon. It always is. Still, it is so much fun to cheer loudly for the lady knight. Trinity whoops every time their knight is successful at anything and then boos when she isn’t. She doesn’t win, of course, but she does very well and it is so exhilarating to be here that Mel can forgive how sweaty the clothing is at this point. She’s just so delighted to be at the faire with Trinity, who loves it too. A sense of peace washes over her as she watches Trinity stand up to cheer, or maybe jeer she’s not really sure, in response to the end of the joust. It all just feels right. Trinity glances down and grins at Mel when she catches her looking, and Mel’s heart squeezes. She stands to join the enthusiastic crowd, feeling so very at home.
The drive home is quiet, but in a companionable way. Mel can feel the beginnings of a sunburn on her face and neck, and she’s very grateful to be back in strictly her chemise in air conditioning. She’s more than a little grateful that Trinity is driving and not her. It’s been a good day.
“I wasn’t expecting to have so much fun.” Trinity finally breaks the silence.
“Hmm, well the Ren Faire is a classic for a reason. And they are consistently rising in popularity, too,” Mel responds drowsily.
“Yeah, we should do something like this again.”
“Frank and I are helping out at a reenactment at Fort Pitt in a few weeks. I can send you the details, if you want.”
Several emotions flicker across Trinity’s face before she nods. “Sure, I’d like that.”
When they finally arrive back to Mel’s place, she slips out of the car with her things. She’s laser focused on getting into the shower, but she still reminds Trinity to text her when she gets home. A quick glance at the clock tells her that Becca will be home in about an hour, so she orders food before washing the day off her and gets the laundry going. Becca walks in the door right on time, grabbing the pizza from the confused deliveryman.
“Did you have a good day, Becca?” Mel asks.
Becca grins at her. “I did. Did you?”
“The best.”