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"Elijah's here!"
My mothers voice echoes through the walls of my bedroom. I can hear the faint noise of the front door closing and Elijah kindly greeting my parents. I quickly get up from my bed and take a quick look at the mirror I have mounted on the door of my closest. Okay, not bad Jordan.
I can hear the quiet padding of Elijah's feet on the carpet outside my door before he knocks.
"Hey, you decent?"
Instead of responding, I go to open the door and am greeted with my best friend Elijah, in a knitted red and green sweater, light washed blue jeans and his all knowing smirk.
"Nice sweater." He snorts as he pushes past me and goes to lie on my bed, all too comfortably.
He settles in, causing my sheets to ruffle. He lays his head on my pillow and looks at me, the smirk on his face still there.
"Okay, stop." I say as I close the door. "My mom wanted me to wear it. I'm matching with my sister." I look down at my corny Christmas sweater with a sequenced reindeer on it.
"Your sister isn't even in town yet. You just look ridiculous."
"If you're just going to insult me, you can leave." I say and gesture to the door.
"Nah, you love my jokes, Jordy." He says and throws a wink in my direction.
I ignore the heart palpitation that action gives me and go join him on my bed. I sit near the edge, one of my legs dangling off. There’s obvious room between us, purposefully left there by me.
“When does your sister get here?" He asks. He stretches his arms above his head causing his sweater to ride up his stomach slightly. I see a peak of his defined abs.
“Later tonight.” I say as my cheeks warm up a bit. I force myself to look away, distracting myself with the familiar posters on the wall and nervously picking at my duvet.
“You're so lucky you get a full house during break. My house is so eerily quiet, it scares me.” He says with a chuckle.
“How is your dad?” I ask. Elijah stiffens, pausing his jittery movements. He's never been the best at staying still. He glances at me as if confused why I ask him the question. His eyes dart from my face to my bed side table where he picks up the stress ball I placed there this morning.
“Uh, he's fine, I guess. I dunno, he wasn't home when I left, so.”
I hum in response, hoping to prompt him to say more. But he knows my game now, knows that I'm trying to get him to open up more. He just keeps squeezing the stress ball, a longing quiet settling over my room. I break that silence.
“Okay. And how are you?” I ask this time. I try my best to make eye contact with him as I say it, hoping that’ll encourage him to give me even a sliver of truth about how he's feeling. Elijah sits up, the stress ball forgotten on my pillow. He shifts closer to me, his knee grazing mine. “Jordan,” He says, placing his palm on my shoulder. “I’m fine.” His eyes aren't looking away from mine. He has a determined look on his face like he’s really trying to convince me that he's okay with his father never being around.
“Okay.” I reply meekly. I don't want to upset him when he's in a good mood.
Elijah nods and squeezes my bicep before taking his hand away. There's a burning sensation lingering in its wake.
“Now c’mon.” He says, “Your mom says she would like some help with the decorations.” He gets up from my bed and opens my door, leaving me staring at his backside. I huff a ragged sigh. I guess that conversation is over.
‧₊ ♪˚⊹
“It smells really good, mom.”
“Ah, thank you honey. Actually, could you and Elijah get the box of Christmas lights from the garage? I want them to be out and detangled before your sister gets here. You know how she is about her lights.” My mom says from her place near the fridge. She’s assorting a bunch of food and snacks for my sister and I. And Elijah.
“Of course we can, Sherry.” Elijah's the first to walk towards the garage, me trailing close behind him. He opens the door to the garage and lets me enter first.
“Okay.” He says on an exhale. “Where exactly are these coveted lights?”
“They're on top of that cabinet over there.” I say, dragging the stool near the stairs of the garage to the cabinet. I carefully get on top of the stool, trying my best not to fall over and eat shit. I raise my arms to shift the box closer to the edge of the cabinet so I can try to grab it.
“Dude, careful.” Elijah says as he places his hands on my waist to steady me. Fuck, okay.
With Elijah as my anchor, I grab the box from the top of the cabinet. Elijah removes one hand from my waist and places it on my lower thigh.
He is really not helping my balance here.
I steadily grab the box and descend the stool with Elijah's help.
I place the box in front of my face so Elijah can't see the blush that crept its way there.
“We can detangle them in the living room.” I say and leave the garage first.
Elijah follows me out the garage and down the hall into the living room.
I place the box on the floor and sit down on the floor, next to our bare christmas tree. Elijah sits across from me.
We start to detangle lights, the Tiffany vinyl my mother put on filling up the silence of the room.
“Hey boys.” My father interrupts after an unknown amount of time. “We’re about to go pick up Maya. You guys are good right?” He asks.
Elijah and I both nod.
He gives us a thumbs up and exits the room. I can hear him and my mom talking as they both put their coats and shoes on. The door clicks shut and I become acutely aware that I am now alone with Elijah.
Not like we haven't been alone together before. We have, obviously, I mean he's my best friend. But there's something about tonight that I just can't quite place. The room feels buzzy and charged with something enticing yet frightening.
“I'm gonna go get a snack.” Elijah says, getting up and dusting his hands off on his jeans. I just nod, not looking up at him.
The lights are mostly detangled by down so I start putting ornaments on the tree. I get distracted by the familiar sadness that sneaks its way into my brain while looking at the handmade ornaments from when I was a kid. The memories are clear as day; my parents setting up all the crafts and glue on our old dining room table, me and my sister eager to make the best ornament anyone's ever seen, glitter, tape and red and green craft paper ending up on the floor as we both laugh.
I don't notice when he walks back into the room, the way he stares at my backside and quietly makes his way to standing right behind me. I don't hear him, but I sense his presence.
“What’re these?” Elijah asks, his voice laced with amusement.
“Ornaments me and my sister made.” I say after clearing my throat. “Years ago.”
“Cute.” He mutters.
“Mhm. I actually kinda miss making these with her.”
“Why’d you stop?” He asks, his head coming closer to my ear.
“I don't know.” I say with a shrug. “Grew out of it, I guess.”
“I'm sure if you asked her, she'd be down to do it again.”
“Maybe.” I say and turn around to face him. “I don't know, maybe I'm just overreacting. I always get like this during the holidays.”
I'm fully facing him now, staring directly into his enchanting eyes. Tilting my head up slightly so I can have a better view of his face. I notice our close proximity. The humble glow of the candles my mom lit, the only sounds being the music and our breathing.
“Like what?” He asks, his voice hushed as if he's hiding from something.
“Reminiscent. Thinking about past feelings. Current ones too.” The volume of my voice matching his, afraid to burst the bubble we’ve somehow found ourselves in.
“Well, what are you feeling right now?”
I feel like I want to – no, need to kiss you.
I don't answer. Elijah takes a step closer to me, invading my space, air and heart. All I can think of and breathe in is him.
Elijah hesitantly brings his hand near the right side of my face, giving me ample time to move away. I don't.
He brings his palm to the nape of my neck, tilting my head up more. He rubs his warm thumb by my jaw. He swallows and my eyes track the movement of his adams apple. It's like he's trying to build up the courage of whatever he's about to do next.
He slowly brings his face closer to mine, his eyes fluttering shut. I mirror his movements, tilting my head to better fit his. When our lips touch, it's like the gates of heaven have opened for me. He lightly nips at my bottom lip, testing the waters, seeing if I'll reciprocate.
I do. A little too fiercely. I smush my face against his harder. I can feel the surprise on his lips before he starts matching my energy. He starts sucking on my lips hard. He brings his hand to my waist, grabbing it and pushing it into him.
I snake my hands up his sweater, palming his abdomen. He shudders at the coldness of my fingertips lightly scratching at his chest. I feel his tongue tentatively probing at my lips. I part my lips to let him in. He continues to grab my waist as his tongue slides against mine, invading my mouth. We stumble forward a little bit but Elijah just keeps kissing me.
He slides his hands lower to my hips, bringing me closer. The tent in his denim rubbing against my thigh.
He pulls away and rests his forehead on my shoulder.
“Fuck, Jordan.” He half whispers half groans.
He starts kissing along my neck, getting lower closer to the collar of my sweater. I’m completely consumed by him. His touch, his hands on my waist, his lips on my collarbone, his hardon on my thigh. I can’t help the whimper that escapes my lips as he continues to rub against me.
I pull his head up from my neck to look at his face. He’s flushed, the light pink blooming over his cheeks and neck. He looks perfect in this lighting, the glow accentuating his sharp nose and jaw.
“Elijah..” I say. “I want you so bad,” I whisper.
Elijah bits his bottom lip and moves to kiss me again. Just as his lips touch mine, I hear the front door slam shut. Shit.
I don’t know how neither of us heard my family come in but as soon as we hear my mom and sister talking and my fathers foots footsteps getting closer, we spring apart. Elijah walks away, taking all of his warmth with him. He turns towards the tree, pretending to look busy.
“Jordan, your sisters here!” My father says as he sticks his head into the living room. “Hope you boys behaved while we were gone.”
I try my best to quickly compose myself as my sister walks into the living room and squeals. She’s wearing the same sweater I am, of course.
“Dude, I missed you!” She says, bringing me into a rib shattering hug.
“I missed you too” I say, my voice raspier than expected.
My sister pulls away from the hug and skeptically looks at my face.
“You alright? Your face’s a little red.” She asks with a raised eyebrow.
I simply nod, not trusting my voice. My sister, clearly not buying it but drops it anyways.
“And hello to you too, Elijah. How are you?” She focuses on Elijah who–contrary to me, looks completely fine and normal now.
“Hey, Maya. I’m doing good!” He says while giving her a side hug.
They continue to chit chat and I hear my mom call all of us into the kitchen for food.
I walk behind Elijah and Maya as they keep talking. I don’t know how he’s acting so normal as if he wasn’t just... doing things with me.
The night continues and I try to focus on the family festivities instead of Elijah. It’s very hard considering he’s sitting right beside me during dinner. As he’s telling jokes that make my family laugh, his hand brushes up against my upper thigh. How am I supposed to ignore that?
As dinner goes on, I zone out. Thinking about how Elijah made me feel. His hands, his lips, his eyes, his scent, his everything. God, I am so screwed.
‧₊ ♪˚⊹
I’m currently laying in my bed with Elijah. We always share a bed when he sleeps over, so why would this time be any different? Everything's the same except for the fact that I now know what the inside of his mouth feels like. After dinner, I showered and Elijah didn’t. When I got to my room, he was already sleeping so we couldn’t talk. I could only quietly slide myself into my sheet, right beside him.
The digital clock on my nightstand reads 1:30 am. I haven’t felt an ounce of fatigue the hour I’ve been laying here. I quietly get up from my bed, avoiding disturbing Elijah who seems to be sleeping soundly.
I walk out of my room and sigh as I make my way to the living room. I didn't expect to see my sister there, sitting on the floor in front of the tree. All the lights are up.
“Staring at your creation, are you?” I ask as I sit beside her.
She snorts. “Yeah. Beautiful isn’t it?”
I hum in agreement. We’re both sitting there, staring at the tree, not speaking.
“So,” Maya says after a beat. “wanna tell me what that was earlier?” She asks, still looking at the tree.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean you and Elijah.”
I stiffen and Maya notices. She stops looking at the tree and shifts so she’s facing me now.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I say, not making eye contact with her.
“Really?” She scoffs. “So I was just imagining the fact that you were both red in the face? The fact that you looked guilty as if you’d just been caught doing something you’re not supposed to?”
I sigh and shift so I’m facing her as well, our knees brushing cause we’re both setting crisscross.
“Okay, something did happen.” I whisper looking down at my lap.
“Something bad or good?”
“I honestly don’t know.”
“Tell me.”
“Okay, so, I’ve kinda had a crush on him for a while now.” I start.
“Figured.” She says and I glare at her.
“Shut up, okay. It was really difficult to manage. I couldn’t tell anyone. I thought that the feelings would be nothing. We’ve been friends for so long that I thought maybe it was just a stupid crush that would amount to nothing.”
“But it’s not, right?” She pries. I shake my head no.
“So what happened before I got here?” She asks. I duck my head again, not wanting her to see the blush that keeps forming on my face anytime I think about what we did.
“We were just decorating the tree and talking. I don’t know how but he just kept getting closer to me and I just became so weak.” I dig my palms into my eyes.
“Hey, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” Maya says as she puts a hand on my shoulder. “Did he kiss you back?”
“He kissed me first actually.” I say with a light chuckle.
“What! Jordan!” She says with a giggle and lightly punches my arm. “I’m struggling to find the issue here?”
“The issue is that he hasn’t said anything about it. We were around everyone else for the rest of the night and then he went to bed before me.”
“So talk to him in the morning.”
“Maya, I can’t go back up there. He’s literally sleeping right beside me. It’s terrifying.” I say and feel my eyes start to well up. “I like him so much, Maya. I don’t know what to do if he doesn’t feel the same.” A sniffle escapes my noise as I wipe the corner of my eye with my sleeve.
“Jordan, I see the way he looks at you. The way he talks about you. I guarantee that he likes you back. I understand that it’s scary but you need to do the brave thing and tell him how you feel. He’ll feel the same way, I’m sure of it.”
“You can’t be sure of it.”
“Oh, but I can.” She says as she leans backwards. “You see, university has taught me a lot. I’m basically a genius now and I can for sure say, he likes you back.”
‧₊ ♪˚⊹
I open the door to my bedroom and find Elijah sitting up against my bed frame.
“Where’d you go?” He asks.
“Uh just to get a glass of water.” I say, still standing in front of the closed door.
“Okay.” He says. “Well… are you coming back to the bed?”
“Oh, yeah. Sorry.” I say and walk to the bed. I sit beside him, leaving space between us.
I hear him sigh before he speaks.
“Jordan. What did that mean to you? Earlier, I mean.”
What did that mean to me? Fucking everything.
“Did you mean it when you said you wanted me?” I’ve never heard Elijah’s voice like this before. It’s timid, hushed.
I take a deep breath in.
Jordan, I see the way he looks at you. The way he talks about you. I guarantee that he likes you back.
My sister's words echo in my brain. I need to do the brave thing.
“Yes, I meant it. I meant everything. That kiss meant everything to me, Elijah. I’ve liked you for a while now and I don’t think I can go back to just being your best friend.”
I hear his breath hitch. I look at Elijah and he’s staring back at me with wide eyes.
“I like everything about you. I just want to make you happy whenever you’re upset about anything. If it were up to me, you wouldn't have to experience any pain for the rest of your life.”
Fuck I’m saying too much and he’s saying nothing.
Elijah is still just staring at me, his mouth hung open.
“Elijah?”
In a second, it’s like he snaps back into consciousness. He shifts so he’s now on his knees and comes closer to me. He grabs my face with both hands, squeezing my cheeks together.
“Are you being serious, Jordan?”
I nod.
A smile grows on Elijah's face and then he’s kissing me all over my face. My lips, my forehead, my cheeks. My brain short circuits.
When he stops kissing me he settles into my chest, his hands around my neck.
“You have no idea how much I like you, Jordan.” He says. “I was so fucking scared to kiss you but I knew I had to. I told myself before I left that I would say something today and I’m so glad I did.”
Neither of us say anything for a while, both settling into this new feeling of being wanted.
“We should probably go to sleep now, right?” Elijah says, his face still in my chest.
“Oh, yeah, probably.”
Elijah lets go of me and brings his face back up to mine. “I really like you, Jordan.” He whispers.
“I really like you too.”
Elijah lays down and I lay my head on his chest and wrap my arms around him.
“Elijah.” I say.
“Yeah?”
“I think this is the best Christmas present ever.”
I hear him laugh and feel the grumble of it through his chest. He brings his hand to my hair, playing with it.
I let my eyes close, the beating of his heart being the only important sound.