Chapter Text
staring at nothing was somewhat comforting. the feeling of not feeling at all while in a complete trance, without having to focus on anything specific. a little pause from the frenetic life he lived everyday, his thoughts stopping even if for a mere minute, was enough not to make him go crazy.
Taehyung was sitting in his desk, looking outside the window but not really observing anything. the lesson had been going for what felt like an eternity, and his trance covered at least 3/4 of the whole class he had been attending.
his face was pretty unreadable, as he was nothing but ignoring his surroundings, in a deep sleep with open eyes. he wouldn’t really call this a daydream, not at all. there was nothing going on in his mind, not even a single face passing in front of his eyes.
it felt so peaceful, being in a different dimension from anyone else. his own little space, where chaos of everyday life wasn’t contemplated.
but this dimension eventually came to an end, precisely the moment the bell rang and a familiar smiling face talked to him.
“Tae! come on, the lesson is over! let’s go get some food before the recess is over.” the blonde boy exclaimed, his crescent-moon eyes thinning out as much as his muscles could let it. Taehyung loved that boy with all his heart. after all, they had been best-friends ever since they were young.
“Chim” he said with a small pause, almost hesitating “i was just…” he really didn’t know how to explain what he was doing. it would’ve been easier if he had thoughts going through his head, but that really wasn’t the case. he slowly revealed his boxy-smile, with the little mole on his upper lip stretching out, hoping Jimin wouldn’t notice how he stopped mid sentence “yeah, let’s go.”
during lunch time, him and his friends would usually go in a specific place they once discovered back when it was his first year. a little abandoned pool, right behind the school’s structure. it was full of graffitis, either written by them or random passers-by. they’d enjoy their lunch break together, some of them would smoke a cigarette or two, sometimes they’d all smoke a joint and just skip the rest of the lessons.
that place held so many memories, Taehyung really loved it. and he really loved his friends, too. specifically, romantically only one of them.
actually, he wouldn’t say he’s in love, more like a crush; but anytime he opened his mouth, he’d be staring like an idiot and smiling even more than he normally would.
that demon, how he would refer to him when whining to Jimin, took form in Min Yoongi, a boy two years older than him.
Yoongi was basically the opposite of him, quiet and observing, almost apathetic most of the times.
he could come off as violent sometimes, using words sharper than knives, piercing the skin as if it was the easiest thing to do.
when he got really mad, mostly after a few drinks in a bad period of his life, he’d sometimes smash things without any care. but he never hurt any of his friends, they all knew he was actually caring and would let the world burn any minute for them.
Taehyung didn’t know what exactly was that attracted him so much, but ever since he was 14, he liked him in such a deep way he’d often dream about them getting together, even tho he didn’t see him as much as he used to before.
Yoongi was 21, and had been done with high school for three years now. he was in a university he didn’t quite like, the mint haired boy often told the boys how he had always wanted to be a producer, but his parents wouldn’t let him live if he didn’t go to university. they thought the dream of being a producer wasn’t realistic enough, and that he had to find a well-paid job as a full-time worker. Yoongi obviously didn’t care what they thought, but he would’ve never heard the end of it if he didn’t get into any kind of uni.
Taehyung admired his ambition, he still didn’t know what he wanted to be after this last year of high school was over. he liked taking pictures of landscapes or people he cared about; he liked acting, but wouldn’t really pursue it like his friend Seokjin, who was almost a professional actor by now. he also had a really soothing voice, and thought about becoming an idol, but he didn’t quite enjoy all the consequences of being famous.
his thoughts were broken by a voice he didn’t recognize right away. once he turned around, he recognized immediately the voice’s owner. it was Jeon Jeongguk, the youngest among all of them. Jeongguk was still on his fourth year, unlike Jimin and Taehyung who were on their fifth and last year. the other boys from their group had all already graduated, some of them were in a university, some other were pursuing their careers.
he smiled warmly when his eyes met Jeongguk’s, who was already smiling as well. “there you are, Ggukie! we were waiting for you” Taehyung said, running his hand on top of Jeongguk’s head, messing up his well-cared hair. Jeongguk pouted at the action, remembering how long it took him to carefully place his hair. “hyung! it took me so long to achieve my flawless hair!” he whined, sparking a laugh in Taehyung and Jimin.
“oh come on, you big baby! you’re cute even when you have messy hair” Jimin said, still laughing lightly while speaking, his soft features shaping into a smile ever so beautiful.
they all walked in the direction of the pool, sneaking out of the fences that delimited the school ground, just like they did everyday.
once they arrived, they saw some of his friends were already there: Seokjin and Hoseok were sitting at the pool, feet dangling in a rhythmic slow dance, while talking softly about their routine.
Hoseok was the first to notice the three boys walking their way, with lunchboxes and just bought wrapped-up food. his heart-shaped smile grew in a matter of seconds, making Seokjin also turn his head to welcome the boys.
“hey guys! how have your classes been?” Hoseok excitedly asked, waiting patiently for them to whine as they always did once they were out of their daily activities.
“today was pretty boring, actually. professor Sunhoo hates me as always” Jimin annoyingly stated, while sitting down next to Hoseok, holding his wrapped up sandwich on his lap. Taehyung sat down next to Seokjin, laughing lightly at Jimin’s protest. Jeongguk next to Taehyung, both with their lunchboxes.
Taehyung had already noticed Yoongi and Namjoon weren’t there, but waited a bit before asking not to sound too interested in the guy he actually liked.
“where are the other hyungs?” he asked politely, looking as all the other’s attention went on him.
“Namjoon is running a bit late, he said his lesson at uni lasted longer than it should have. Yoongi is not coming today, his girlfriend asked him to spend lunch together and he couldn’t say no” Seokjin replied in a flat tone.
Taehyung’s face immediately changed. right. Yoongi has a girlfriend. he sometimes forgot about her, even tho Yoongi had already introduced her to the group, just like Seokjin did, as soon as they started dating.
Taehyung shouldn’t feel so disappointed. he knows his other hyungs are straight. they had this talk many times while growing up, and they all showed support when he came out as gay when he was around 16. they also showed support when Jeongguk came out as bi just a few months before when he realized he liked a boy, but never told them who that boy was.
Taehyung looked at his lunchbox, not expressing one word as the thought of the possibility of him and Yoongi to ever be a couple faded once again, even tho logically speaking he knew the possibility had never been there.
no one other than Jimin knew that Taehyung had feelings for Yoongi, and Jimin only knew because he found Taehyung crying his heart out in a club’s bathroom floor after having way too many drinks.
his heart ached everyday because of the mint haired boy, but in his mind, it was better to die rather than to speak.
their lunch break was 50 minutes long, and the first 15 minutes had already passed between eating their lunch, a few cigarettes and some drawings on the wall. Taehyung felt eyes on him the whole time, mostly when he would hug or touch his friends, and he knew whose eyes were watching him.
they met each other’s eyes at least three times in those 15 minutes, but the boy would always look away when he was caught staring.
Taehyung didn’t think anything about that, he thought it was because Jeongguk had always been a shy boy, and when he was watching Taehyung it was some sort of admiration.
every time their eyes met, he’d always spark a boxy-smile and would go hug the other boy, including him in some of the conversations they were having.
“Jeonggukie! have you thought about what you’re gonna do after graduation?” he looked at the raven haired boy while keeping his arm tight around his shoulders.
“Jesus, Tae. he still has a full year and a half to think about his future! let the boy breathe” Jimin mockingly said, showing his crooked front teeth that somehow made his whole character even more beautiful.
Taehyung always thought all of his friends were handsome. Seokjin had the best features in his eyes, but all of them were beautiful in their own way.
“damn, i’m not asking if he’s found a job or has thought about a family! around this time of the year we had a conversation about our future with the other hyungs” Taehyung replied sharply, but still with irony behind his words.
“i’m… actually thinking of becoming an idol” Jeongguk shyly said, blushing slightly. Taehyung thought it was cute how he’d blush anytime he opened his mouth to speak when attention was all on him. he had always seen the boy as his younger brother, even more since he came out.
“an idol? that’s great but… aren’t you a bit too shy? I mean, idols have a lot of spotlights on them. do you think you could deal with that?” Hoseok worryingly blurted out, never letting his smile fade.
“i know… but I like making music, and singing is the only thing i actually care about. i don’t really see myself doing any other job” Jeongguk stated, with a confidence that was so out of character for him.
Taehyung immediately smiled and hugged him tighter “well then, you’re gonna be the best idol ever!”
Seokjin raised his hand waving, seeing how Namjoon had finally arrived to their spot.
“sorry for being late, guys. social psychology’s professor held me for 30 minutes just to congratulate me on how well-written my exam was” Namjoon smiled, showing off his dimples on the side of his cheeks.
“don’t worry, dude. wanna write something with us?” Taehyung smiled, shaking the spray-paint can, sparking a smirk on Namjoon’s lips.
they didn’t do much during the 30 minutes they had left before lunch break was over. but the only thing that Taehyung knew was that, not even for an instant, he stopped thinking about the only boy missing there. oh, he would’ve loved to see his gummy smile, or simply hear his soothing voice.
Taehyung dreamt often about being talked to sleep by the other boy, but every time he remembered who he was dreaming about, he’d always end up crying or losing himself in thoughts that would lead to breaking down.
“are you guys busy tonight?” Hoseok caught the group’s attention with his sudden question “remember the club we used to go get drinks once Jin-hyung turned 18? well, they’re having an event tonight. I thought maybe we could meet up for the old time’s sake. we’re all 18 and more now after all” the boy smiled, hoping he’d get a positive response from the rest of the group. they were all pretty excited about the idea to go in a place where they used to drink almost every night, and so they all nodded enthusiastically.
“what about Yoongi?” Jimin asked, side eyeing Taehyung, who was resting on Seokjin’s shoulders. Taehyung gave Jimin a death stare, mouthing something similar to ‘i’m going to kill you’, which only made the blond boy smirk devilishly.
“I’ll text him and let you all know if he’ll be there. surely he won’t decline this offer!”
the boys all smiled and bided each other goodbye, while three of them walked in the opposite direction from the school, Jimin, Taehyung and Jeongguk sneaked back into the school.
~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•
it was almost time for Taehyung to get out of his house and go to the club. his mood had been lit up by the message Hoseok sent, in which he stated that Yoongi would be there.
Taehyung knew he had zero chances to get with Yoongi, but he still dressed up as nice as he could, with a plain white t-shirt that showed his buff build, a black blazer with thin white stripes, matched with elegant straight pants with the same pattern. under all of that, he wore black Chelsea boots, with a short heel. he dolled up with golden jewelry and a little bit of make up, enchanting his eyes.
he knew he looked good, and took just a bunch of pictures to post on his instagram later. if Yoongi didn’t fall for him right away, well sucks to be him. he looked way too good tonight to think about some stupid straight guy who didn’t want him.
he wore his brand new perfume and walked right out of the door, as confident as ever.
once he had arrived to the club, he spotted his friends in line to get in. he excused himself between people and ran to them, wearing a charming smile.
“woah, you all look great!” he said, as he looked at how the others were dressed. they all looked handsome in their own ways, but Yoongi was just… shining.
he was wearing one of his usual oversized t-shirts with a black leather jacket on top, matching his black shoes. he had on a pair of dark ripped jeans, and a slight eyeliner under his eyes.
Taehyung could feel his cheeks burning, but he tried not to stare for too long, or it would’ve given away what his mind was thinking.
“well damn, Tae, you look like a dream! if you’re not getting railed tonight, men in this club have no taste” Jimin teasingly said, arching his eyebrows.
Taehyung blushed slightly, but Jimin was right. he did want it to be a great night. Taehyung smiled, kinda like a smirk “hell yeah. i wanna have fun tonight! come on, let’s get inside. i need a drink SO bad”
they all smiled as they got into the club, and Taehyung felt observed again, but this time it felt… different. he brushed the sensation off and walked right at the bar counter, waiting for a bartender to notice him. luckily enough, he got noticed almost instantly. they ordered their drinks, but the bartender couldn’t get his eyes off Taehyung. they looked at each other with lust.
if Taehyung had to say, the bartender was actually pretty hot. he was visibly ripped, had shiny green eyes and brownish-blond hair up in a man bun. Taehyung was very intrigued, and so he sat down in the first stroll free.
“how much do i owe you for the drink?” Taehyung asked softly, looking at the man with half-closed eyes.
“you don’t owe me anything, sweetheart. it’s on me” the man answered confidently, smirking at him and resting both his hands on the counter.
“oh really? thank you, dear. I’ll order something else pretty soon. wait for me” Taehyung winked at the man, who answered with an even bigger smirk.
Taehyung then walked to the center of the club, where the music was louder and he found his friends. he then saw Yoongi hugging someone, and felt a knot form in his stomach.
he had brought his girlfriend. how could Taehyung not notice her when he arrived? he hated that girl so much, even tho she was the sweetest girl ever. when Yoongi introduced her to the group, Taehyung had fallen into a sudden dread, a sickening sensation that almost made him throw up. he felt jealous, sad, angry, disgusted. she saw how pale he looked, and offered him a water bottle and a candy. he had thanked her but refused, putting on a fake caring smile. he hated her with his whole gut, but couldn’t ignore how nice she actually was. he was 17 when she was introduced to the group. 17, and already full of hatred.
with his heart sinking in his chest, he began to walk away, back to the bartender, but was stopped by someone grabbing his wrist. he turned around, confused by the sudden action, and met the biggest couple of doe eyes, shining under the light of the disco ball.
“hyung, where are you going?” Jeongguk asked, sounding a little more intense than he should have. Taehyung arched him an eyebrow, before freeing himself from the grip.
“I’m going to get shit-faced drunk, and hopefully fucked” and without adding anything else, he walked away from the boy.
he sat back down on the stroll he was on before, and put a hand under the chin to support his head. he looked around but could only see people he didn’t really find attractive, and wasn’t interested at all.
“hey pretty boy, already back?” the bartender asked, looking at him right in the eyes as he was drying a glass.
“yea, give me the strongest drink you have” Taehyung said, trying to smile but couldn’t really pull the prettiest of smiles.
“how come? is tonight not going well?” the bartender asked as he started preparing the strongest drink he had on his list.
“sweetie, the boy I like is straight and has a girlfriend. and they’re dancing in my face under the disco ball” Taehyung answered with a little too bluntness “i was hoping i could pass a night with my friends without their annoying ass girlfriends. my other friend had at least the decency not to bring his” he talked without thinking about how he was over sharing with a literal stranger.
the bartender put the drink in front of the brown-haired boy and smirked, resting again both his hands on the counter and leaning a bit closer. “if i show you i could make you forget him, will you give me your number?” he asserted while smirking with as much confidence as he showed through his words.
Taehyung, who had just finished chugging his drink, was caught back, but somehow was even more intrigued. he leaned closer to the bar tender, lips inches away from each other. “let me see what you’re capable of then, hottie”
just as their lips were about to meet, Taehyung was suddenly being dragged away by someone who seemed pretty pissed.
Taehyung didn’t even have the time to realize who it was that was dragging him, but he found himself against the wall of one of the bathroom stalls. he had his back completely against the flat, cold surface, a leg was inches away from his crotch. the hand of that person was resting next to his face, and the figure looked a little shorter than him. he was surprised to see who was pinning him that way.
“just what the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” Jeongguk whisper-yelled, rage burning in his eyes. Taehyung felt ashamed by the situation, but anger was what took over him.
“ew, you smell so much of alcohol” he coldly stated, eyes sharpening as he said that. he knew it was completely out of place to say in that moment, but his drunk mind couldn’t think of anything better to say. actually, he couldn’t really tell if it was Jeongguk who smelled that much of alcohol or himself.
the comment enraged Jeongguk even more, but he let it slip. “don’t play with me, Taehyung. what the fuck was going on there?” Jeongguk answered, uncaring of how Taehyung avoided the question.
“trying to get laid? railed? fucked? however you want to put it is fine. what do YOU think you’re doing?” Taehyung was both enraged and confused. he never saw that shy boy in such an angered mood.
“with a fucking stranger? are you fucking kidding me?” Jeongguk almost screamed, as veins were popping out of his forehead. Taehyung had to admit he was already pretty wasted. after all, he did drink the strongest drink on the list in one breath. he didn’t quite catch what the situation was about, but what passed through was that Jeongguk looked… jealous? but why?
“and who am i supposed to do it with?” Taehyung asked, toning down his voice to a much deeper and hurt version. confusion was louder than anger in that moment. he could smell Jeongguk’s perfume, a Bleu de Chanel mixed with alcohol and a bit of sweat, which was fogging his mind. he couldn’t really think straight, but some sort of arousal was forming in his stomach.
“with a boy you know pretty damn well, maybe?” Jeongguk yelled, making the bathroom stall almost shake under his voice. luckily, the music was way too loud for other people to hear them, as Taehyung actually couldn’t hear as well. Taehyung thought that maybe Jimin had told Jeongguk about the Yoongi situation, and thought he was for sure gonna kill him. what he thought looked like jealousy maybe was actually worry? he didn’t really know, and wasn’t sober enough to think, so he just started speaking without thinking as sadness overflowed his head.
“there is no chance, Jeongguk. no way we’ll get together. he’s straight and has a girlfriend” Taehyung sadly smiled, trying not to cry in front of his friend. Jeongguk clenched his jaw, as if he was biting down on human flesh as hard as he could.
“I’m not talking about Yoongi, Taehyung. i’m talking about me” Jeongguk answered, with a deep voice Taehyung never heard from him. confusion had him completely under control, as dots were slowly connecting themselves.