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On a day where Mordred Manor was uncharacteristically quiet, Adaine gladly took advantage of said quietness to work on her wizard homework. She really needed the extra study time to make up for her lack of materials.
Of course, she hadn’t even finished the first section when her crystal loudly rang. Pulling it out of her pocket, the name on the screen read “Pirate Boy”.
She tapped the accept call button. “What’s up Fabian?”
“You gotta get over to Seacaster Manor right now!”
He sounded frantic, perhaps out of breath as well, and Adaine’s heart rate spiked.
“What is it? Are you getting attacked? Do I need to teleport there?” She adjusted her sword with her other hand while speaking, making sure it was tight on her belt.
“No, it’s, uh, I’m marrying Kristen.”
Adaine’s brain broke.
“...What? Where did this come from? Isn’t she gay ?”
“I’m not, like, marrying her myself. I’m performing the ceremony, it’s a ship captain thing.”
“I didn’t know captains could marry people. Wait, who is she marrying? Is it Gertie?”
“No, it’s not Gertie. I don’t think I can explain it over a call, just get here fast. Oh, don't forget to wear a tie or something, it’s a wedding after all.”
Having apparently said his piece, Fabian abruptly hung up.
…What the hell just happened?
I mean, if anyone Adaine knew was going to get married on a whim, it was definitely Kristen.
But still, why? And perhaps more importantly, whom?
Only one way to find out, she supposed. She pulled a clip-on tie out of her jacket and clipped it directly to her jacket collar, then headed out to Seacaster Manor.
*****
“Adaine!” Fabian excitedly greeted her as soon as she entered Seacaster Manor, almost running up in front of her.
She just glared at him, making him stop short of her. “Fabian, seriously, I want some answers here. Who is Kristen marrying, and why?”
Fabian shifted nervously. “Before I answer, I want you to promise not to disrupt the wedding. It's really important to Kristen.”
That just made Adaine more suspicious and hesitant. But…”Fine, I'll support Kristen’s wedding. Who is it?”
“Thank you,” he said, and nodded towards the side of the manor hall.
Adaine's eyes followed, immediately landing on Kristen. She was wearing a tuxedo that Adaine would have described as rather dapper, had Kristen not ripped off the sleeves to display her biceps. Overall, average Kristen things.
Most of the rest of her friends were standing around Kristen, wearing outfits that ranged from shockingly fancy, (Fig) to their normal, everyday clothes (Riz).
All of these observations were just a distraction though, as Adaine put off acknowledging the person right next to Kristen, leaning on her arm.
That goddamn evil cat, Kalina, was right next to Kristen, in a white dress. Adaine pinched herself and cast a quick Detect Magic, just to make sure this was real, but it did seem that Kalina was really here.
She was smart enough to connect the dots of what this meant, and absolutely was not a fan of the picture that they formed. She turned back towards Fabian, glaring daggers at him.
“No. Just, no,” she said with as much force as she could put into her voice.
Fabian sighed. “Look, I'm not thrilled about it either. She killed the Hangman, and also The Ball, and I guess you and Kristen herself indirectly. But Kristen asked me to do this for Cassandra, and you know how infuriating it is to try arguing against her, so I think we should just go along with this. She also said that problems with this wedding may cause a religious cataclysm, apparently marriage issues cause a lot of those.”
“Normally I would agree, but seriously, her!?”
“Hey! That’s my first lady!” interjected Fig, somehow offended on Kalina’s behalf.
“You’re supporting this wedding?”
“It was my idea! Technically. I’m standing by my president.” Fig revealed, looking awfully pleased with herself.
“Technically? What do you mean, how do you ‘technically’ propose a wedding between two other people?”
“I said they should ‘kiss and make up’, and Kristen called me a genius and promoted me to the best maid of honor,” Fig explained, growing gradually more pleased with herself throughout the sentence.
Adaine sighed in defeat. Yeah, that sounded like Kristen. Clearly Fig was going to be of no help here, negative help even.
Adaine turned to Riz instead, deeming him the one most likely to be against this wedding.
“Riz, are you really ok with this? She probably hurt you most.”
Riz furrowed his brows. “I don't really know,” Riz admitted, “But I don't really get anything about relationships or Kristen so that's pretty normal. I’ve been putting together a board, but it isn’t finished yet, and I’ve been trying to get insight into the ‘new’ Kalina but haven’t really found anything.”
Ugh. She changed tracks, glancing around for the one non-Kristen Bad Kid she hadn’t talked to yet.
No luck. “Where’s Gorgug?”
Riz pointed into the corner. “Oh, he muttered something about artificer homework and then passed out in the corner. He’s really stressed.”
Damn it. “Fine, I’ll let him sleep.”
She sighed yet again and looked towards the apparent brides. “Kristen, is there any way I can talk you out of this? I know Cassandra is important to you, but you should be able to marry for love instead of religion.”
“Adaine, it's fine. This is what I want. Besides, she's one hot pussy. Just look at her.”
Against her better judgment, Adaine did glance at Kalina to give her a once-over. And…nope, she still didn't see it. Adaine hadn't quite nailed down what her type was, but it was clearly nowhere close to what Kristen's type was. And thank God for that.
Adaine turned away from Kalina, who was currently smiling at her in a way that sent shivers down her spine and made her wonder how much Kalina had really changed. “Okay, first of all, I'm pretty sure that's a slur against Tabaxi.”
Kristen glanced back at Kalina, who stared back at Kristen. “I’m not a real tabaxi in the strictest sense, but yes, darling, that is a slur.”
Kristen actually looked chastised at that, which very slightly raised Adaine’s impression of this “new” Kalina.
For the sake of completeness, Adaine swallowed her fears and addressed Kalina next. “I barely know you, why are you going through with this?”
Kalina stared directly into Adaine’s eyes, those yellow feline eyes seemingly peering deep into her soul. “I would do anything for my goddess. But, I think we have enough history that you already know that.”
Adaine did know that, but she also would bet on there being some other motive. She stared into Kalina's glowing eyes, trying to peer back into Kalina’s soul(?) to get some insight into her. She even burned a portent out of frustration, which unfortunately only managed to reveal a surprising amount of lust directed at Kristen. Ew ew ew.
Admittedly, compared to everything Kalina did trying to bring back the Nightmare King, marrying Kristen rather paled in comparison. She worked with Adaine’s birth parents, Adaine doubted she was ever going to be that dedicated to a goal.
She heard the door open behind her then, and took the opportunity to break off this conversation by snapping around to look at it.
A frightened looking Bucky Applebees walked in, wearing his full paladin gear. “Is this the, uh, sinful wedding of my sister?”
“Yes, she’s right here…” she pointed back behind her, then trailed off as she realized that Kristen and Kalina had somehow disappeared in the last couple seconds.
“Never mind, but this is the wedding.”
Bucky shifted nervously, clanking in his armor. “So, uh, Kristen just said she was marrying someone named Kalina. I don't know any Kalina, is she cool?”
Adaine tried to suppress the wince that brought, remembering Fabian’s request to help this wedding, but didn't really succeed. “Kalina's actually an…old family friend of Riz's, they go way back. She helped bring back Cassandra…” Bucky noticeably winced himself at the mention of Kristen’s new deity, so Adaine trailed off from that.
“She's, uh, really cool,” Adaine lamely finished instead.
“...Okay.”
Still minding her promise to help this accursed wedding, and wanting to avoid any more questions about Kalina’s character, she herded Bucky over to the haphazardly placed chairs to wait for the actual wedding to begin.
Fabian was also waiting, standing on some kind of stage in the back. Adaine, knowing the Seacasters, assumed it was normally used for swordfighting instead of weddings.
They didn’t have to wait long. Kristen and Kalina started walking down the aisle after just a couple minutes, arm in arm.
“I have been told to make this quick, before any potential theological cataclysms occur, so we will skip straight to the vows,” Fabian said once they reached the stage. “Kristen, would you like to read your vows?”
“Yes. Um. I know this marriage was mainly for Cassandra but I'm actually really excited for it since you're really hot and I just want to kiss you and lick you and–”
“I'm gonna stop you there,” Fabian snapped, looking like he was in physical pain.
He sighed, turning to Kalina. “Do you have any vows that are better than that?”
She grinned, a sight that still made Adaine’s blood run cold. Kalina may have vaguely changed, somewhat, she guessed, but Adaine doubted she would ever really be comfortable around Kalina even if she really had turned over a new leaf.
“If you didn't like Kristen’s, you won't like mine.”
“Fine. Whatever. Does anyone object to this marriage? Speak now or forever hold your peace.” Fabian then glared directly at Adaine, silently begging her not to make a scene.
Adaine obliged, since she was 90% sure Kalina would kill her if she meddled with this goddess sanctioned wedding.
"You may kiss the brides.”
Kristen leaned in enthusiastically, trying to awkwardly bend over to compensate for the height difference, but instead got cut off by Kalina leaping up and wrapping her arms around Kristen’s neck to pull her into a deep kiss.
A deep and rather long kiss, Adaine amended as Kristen moved her hands to Kalina's ass to better support her weight.
With tongue.
A lot of tongue.
More tongue than any human or elf could kiss with.
Peeling her eyes away from that rather disturbing sight, she glanced over at Bucky. Unsurprisingly, he seemed to be on the verge of a full blown panic attack.
Note to self: get that kid a meeting with Jawbone sometime. Though, that would be its own hurdle, Adaine couldn’t imagine Bucky being too receptive to counseling from a werewolf.
Awkwardly shuffling over to him, she grabbed his wrist and cast Dimension Door to get them out of there before clothes start coming off.