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“I heard drowning is painful.”
Sae’s gaze hadn’t wavered.
The wind was cool and fresh as it whipped at his face, the smell of salt filling his nose. Memories of the past flooded into him - of a similar place, a different time and a different person at his side.
The homesickness was a constant illness living inside of him.
“If you worry about the pain, you don’t want it enough.” Was all he had said in response.
Their knees were knocking together, the point of contact anchoring and effectively keeping Sae’s mind from flying too far away.
“But that’s the point, dying would be to get away from the pain.” Bunny had hummed. “But you can’t avoid the pain, if you want to die either.”
Bunny had a handsome side-profile. Dark red eyes mostly vacant, as the clear blue of the water reflected in them.
“It’s cruel. Life is cruel.”
Sae usually didn’t entertain Bunny’s meanderings. They were a constant. Just like Sae’s sense of not belonging anywhere, of never truly feeling ‘home’. Bunny was just possessed by a different sort of ghost.
It affected all parts of his life. Of their lives.
The path to each other’s side hadn’t been a straight road either and Sae for sure hadn’t flown to Spain with the intention of caring about another lost soul.
It all started on the pitch as all parts of Sae’s life did, when he found his gaze wandering to him more times than Sae would ever dare to admit.
It was mesmerising. The way Bunny played, the way he effortlessly became one with the ball. It was something Sae still failed to grasp.
Soccer wasn’t a mistress you could court. She chose her favorites with little rhyme or reason and she had chosen Bunny - Someone who barely practiced, who found no joy in the sport, in much of anything, who just indulged them all because apparently dying was ‘too much of a pain’, and soccer gave him something to do.
At first, Sae hated him.
He hated Bunny because he hated himself.
Because regardless of passion, he still couldn’t reach Bunny’s level.
It made him push and pull and tug against his own restraints. Until he’d inevitably hurt himself. Until their coach would threaten to bench him in retaliation.
“I don’t get it.” Bunny had noted after one particularly gruelling training session. “You try so hard. It’s painful, isn’t it? So why?”
Sae had swung first, landing a clenched fist straight in Bunny’s face. It felt good. Like a consolidation prize. Bunny’s nose crunched, a warm trickle of blood sliding down his fingers where they still remained pressed to the other’s face.
The reaction came just moments later. Bunny’s hand had closed around the front of his jersey, Sae’s back yanked back to slam against the hollow metal locker behind him.
The gaze that met him had been surprising.
Otherwise hollow red eyes glinted with something more. Something actually alive. Rivalling the bright red crimson that trickled down from Bunny’s nose and onto the floor between them.
Sae couldn’t help himself. He grinned, his brain fast to bring words to the front of his mouth.
“It suits you.”
Bunny was a good distraction in that sense. He gave an outlet for Sae’s feelings.
Bunny had a hollow spot beneath his ribs, where anyone could carve out a place for themselves.
Sae told himself it didn’t matter. Bunny could do what he wanted, and it shouldn’t concern him at all. But sometimes, his actions were at odds with his feelings.
The night where everything spilled over, had been the sort of night with no stars. All black skies, no clouds. The only light coming from Spain’s bustling nightlife.
“Why are you smiling?” Sae had taken the bait like a fool, hook line and sinker.
They were at a bar for some celebration, orchestrated by the elder players on the youth team. Most of them weren’t even old enough to drink, he and Bunny included. But, the bar was tiny and not well-visited, so the beer and wine had kept flowing regardless.
“I need your permission to smile now?” Bunny had countered, his face leaning into the ball of his hand, eyes resting heavily on him. His eyes were slightly smaller than usual. Crinkled.
It had only been a week since their latest altercation. Bunny had made some smart ass comment about one of his passes, and Sae had tackled him to the ground.
For some reason, Bunny had just laughed at him, so they both got off with nothing more than a stern reprimand.
The sound still echoed in his head. If Sae didn’t know any better, he would have thought the laugh to be genuine. Just like the smile that seemed unable to leave his lips now.
“Fine, don’t answer me.” Sae grumbled, lips pressed to his glass of wine. He kept sipping. The liquid went down smoothly, warming him from the inside out.
Bunny leaned in. Close. Too close. “It suits you. The flush on your face.”
Sae pushed him back, and reached up to feel his own face. Which, perhaps not surprisingly, felt hot.
He made a small curse under his breath, realising that maybe he had drunk a little too much already. So, he opted for water for the rest of the night, while Bunny kept drinking glass after glass of wine right in front of him. Smiling at him. Taunting him.
“Stop grabbing me.” Sae grumbled, when a familiar arm wrapped around him from behind.
Bunny had to lean down to match their heights. Another knock to Sae’s ego. “You’ll fall if I don’t. You’re swaying like crazy!”
Together, they weren’t much better. Sae still tried to escape the prison that was Bunny’s arm, yet the other was too strong, and Sae felt too wobbly to fight him and remain upright at the same time.
So instead, they ended up stumbling back to the dorms together. Arm in arm. Probably looking ridiculous.
“You had more to drink than I did.” Sae complained, as they ventured inside. The hallways were empty. Dark.
“I’m also bigger than you.”
“You want a medal?”
“If it’s from you, sure, I would like one.”
Sae didn't know what to make of the situation. Bunny kept leaning too far into him, putting his full weight onto him. And every time, Sae would jab at Bunny’s side to get him to lean back up, even if it didn’t do much.
They were one fallible entity. Barely keeping it together.
Finally they got to a dorm room. Sae’s dorm room, he realised as the familiar surroundings entered his vision.
He hit the bed on his back, the soft spring of the mattress parting under his weight. His hand was still in Bunny’s shirt, holding onto the fabric as it had done when they were walking together.
He paused.
Bunny hovered over him only for a second. Then, the space between them was rendered into nothing. Who moved first, Sae couldn’t tell, and frankly he didn’t care.
Bunny’s lips were surprisingly soft. His mouth tasted like sweet wine, his breaths hot as Sae swallowed them all up. His hand clenched tightly into his shirt, dragging him down, until there really was nothing left - their bodies becoming one entity once more.
Greed enveloped him, so Sae took. His hands mapping, searching, finding, spreading across every available inch of skin. Shoulders, arms, up and under Bunny’s shirt to a taut stomach, to his sides, before finding purchase at his back.
Bunny’s skin was smoother in places. Less coarse. Jagged scars littering the canvas that was his body.
Their middles met and they ground against each other in slow rhythmic motions, until that didn’t feel like enough either.
Their clothes came off next. Sae had half the mind to grab into his nightdresser for the lube he kept there. Seldom used to pleasure himself.
Their actions grew in desperation. Everything escalated so fast that Sae’s mind couldn’t keep up. Bunny was panting on top of him, fingers messily slicked with lube as fingers entered him. They kissed throughout it. Sharing breaths. Sae’s legs parting to accomodate, pleasure simmering in his stomach with every drag of Bunny’s fingers inside of him.
The room spun, but Bunny remained clear.
Bunny was his first.
Sae clung to him, when he first pushed inside. Legs tight around Bunny’s waist.
Bunny moaned at the feeling, the sound causing tingles to run up Sae’s spine.
It felt like a fever dream from there. Their bodies moving together like possessed. Sae grasping for purchase in Bunny’s hair, Bunny moaning into his shoulder, as Sae’s body clenched and unwound under the continuous pounding movements inside of him.
Bunny came first. Driving himself deep, to where Sae winced from overstimulation. His release spilling inside, arms cradled around Sae’s body like not holding him close would mean him disappearing.
As he slowly came down, Bunny would laugh and apologise, furthermore kissing the apology to the top of Sae’s head, then to his lips.
He would move down before Sae could protest. Bringing his mouth between Sae’s legs, and taking him to the back of his throat.
It didn’t take long for the warm wet heat to bring Sae to the edge as well. Bunny wound his arms around the back of his thighs as he chased his climax, rolling up into the embrace that was Bunny’s throat, until his release spilled inside of the other too.
Their breaths filled the room, then slowed, the exertion lulling them both into a deep sleep not long thereafter.
Sae’s roommate returned to the dorm later that morning - Bunny’s stupidly large body still keeping Sae its prisoner. So obviously, word got around fast, and the entire youth team eventually knew about the aftermath of that night.
Sae pretended like it didn’t bother him. Like he was beyond ‘gossip’ and the ‘baseless rumors’, his roommate was trying to spread.
Why would he, Sae Itoshi, get with Bunny Iglesias of all people?
So, he neither confirmed nor denied the allegations.
He would look at Bunny on the pitch that following morning - sweat forming between his brows, breaths coming out hard and ragged - and maybe, just maybe, he found that he understood Bunny a little better.
Bunny was training. Actually training.
“What happened?” Sae had asked, despite already knowing the answer.
“What?” Bunny looked up, meeting his gaze, red eyes once more catching the light.
“Who are you trying to impress?”
Bunny smiled. Really smiled.
“Wouldn’t you like to know.”