Chapter Text
Deck the Halls
Chapter 1: 'Tis the Season!
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Too quiet. It was almost unnerving how quiet the house was. All the rooms were dark, black leather furniture creating strange shapes in the shadows. The steel appliances were unreflective with all the curtains closed tight. Not even the sound of the water heater greeted their ears.
Duo flipped on the light to the living room and toed off his boots. Heero stood beside him, mirroring his movements with a lot less noise. That quiet was really bugging the both of them though. It had been a hard mission, one of the first in a long time, and far too close to their holiday.
This year Quatre and Trowa had decided to go on an extended trip just by themselves. Wufei was spending Christmas with Sally's remaining family. For once it would just be Duo and Heero.
Alone.
It wouldn't change all of their traditions. Heero was already heading to the shower, so Duo made his way over to their rooms. Heero's first, to choose a thick green sweater and a nice pair of slacks for when he got out of the shower. Then over to his own, where he chose an equally thick but hilarious red monstrosity. His own pants were white skinny jeans, one of the few times he actually got a chance to wear this particular pair.
The shower shut off and he rushed out to grab a towel from the hall closet. An assortment of random items had collected in there, and Duo made a mental note to clean it out. Sometime. Eventually. Maybe.
Heero stepped out of the bathroom, a towel around his waist, and made his way to his bedroom. Duo was hard pressed not to stare, because God damn but the man was fine. Even with the motley of bruises coloring those well-defined muscles and the long red lines from bullet grazes, he was still a sight to behold.
"Shower's free," the other man tossed over his shoulder. Then the door to his room blocked the last of Duo's view. He sighed, ashamed at himself.
"Yeah," he muttered to the floor, "keep dreamin', Duo."
It took forever to wash, then drying his hair was a chore in and of itself. By the time he was done, the coffee pot was full and Heero was sitting at the bar with a steaming mugfull.
Duo grinned at his partner. "God you're an angel. Be right out." It took a second longer to tear his eyes from the other man. Heero was fucking gorgeous, but the domestic sight of him in a green Christmas sweater and sipping at a mug of hot coffee was making his heart thud painfully. He rushed into his bedroom to escape.
In just under two minutes he was back, snagging the other mug up and draining as quickly as possible.
A glance at the digital clock on the wall had his eyes widening. "Shit! We're gonna be late if we don't get our asses in gear!"
That huffed snort was so very Heero, as was the deadpan, "If you didn't have all that hair..."
Duo leveled a finger at him. His eyes were narrowed dangerously. "Don't even think about it. You love it just as much as I do."
The teasing was worth the way the corner of Heero's mouth turned up. A simple grunt was his answer.
It took no time at all to bundle up everything, grab the large duffel filled with presents sat next to the door, lock up and leave.
They had a tradition to keep, after all.
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Christmas music was blaring from the radio, Duo singing along merrily, on the ride back home. The kids at the local orphanage had been so excited and aside from one small incident everything went perfectly.
It was really hard not to think about that though. One of the kids had looked at them both, smiled sadly, and told them to give his present to one of the others. The only present he wanted was one they wouldn't be willing to give him.
A home.
He remembered turning to Heero, stricken, and seeing a look of such sorrow and longing on Heero's face. His breath had caught in that moment, but Heero just wiped the expression and ruffled the kid's hair. "It'll happen soon, I'm sure," he'd whispered, and Duo felt the way his heart thudded against his rib cage keenly.
In that moment stupid, impossible ideas swirled in his head. Talking to Heero about that boy, discussing this thing they had going that was neither a relationship nor just friendship, seeing whether they could make something like that work...
With a will he forced himself to forget it. Something like that wasn't a decision taken lightly. It would be an insult and irresponsible to even suggest it. They weren't even lovers, for Christ's sake!
Seeing that look on Heero's face though, that had damn near killed his resolve. Heero had told him time and again, in a variety of ways, that he wasn't interested in changing their relationship. What they had was good, God was it ever good, but they both knew deepening it could lead to more pain than anything.
So with all his will Duo shoved it down and tried to forget. He sang at the top of his lungs, grinning and dancing in his seat and teased Heero to join in.
As they came upon the local Wallers*, open even on Christmas Eve, Duo was reminded that their home was far too quiet. He nudged Heero in the side with his elbow and told him to turn into the parking lot. At the questioning look he was shot his only response was a mischievous smirk.
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$400 and several harassed employees later, they hauled their purchases up the steps of their front porch.
Okay, DUO'S purchases mostly.
He hummed Silent Night to himself as Heero let them both in, then dragged the heavy box and several smaller bags into the living room.
The table was pushed closer to their sectional, the entertainment center moved to make more room as well, until there was a clear spot in the corner. The box was placed on their glass coffee table and swiftly cut open. A half hour later Duo proudly stepped back.
Now THAT was a tree! Six feet tall, with thick needles and fiber optic lights, it was the king of all Christmas trees. Heero had balked at the extravagance, but Duo stood firm in this decision. If he was gonna drop money on a tree, it damn well better last.
He heard Heero come up behind him, could feel him standing close enough to radiate heat, and put his hands on his hips. Duo cocked his head over his shoulder to look at the taller man, smiling at a job well done. "Whaddya think?"
Blue eyes stayed on his face for a moment longer than was really acceptable, then shifted to the six foot behemoth in their living room. "Looks bare," he murmured, brows furrowing.
"Well yeah! We gotta decorate it!"
So Duo turned to the bags now sitting inside the box. A package of lights was torn open and he had Heero help him wind it around the tree. Next was the fluffy gold garland, followed by red velvet bows and an assortment of trinket-like baubles. His hands caressed a thin rectangular box, a slightly more expensive set of ornaments that had caught Heero's eye. It wasn't often that Heero expressed any sort of interest in the things Duo liked, so when Heero's eyes had lingered on the fragile glass stars Duo didn't even hesitate.
The other man had huffed and told him they didn't even look like the real things, as if to say it was all on Duo for purchasing them. That was fine though, because his eyes said "thank you".
He passed the box to Heero, who took his time deciding the exact placement of each one. There were only twelve, so it didn't take very long. In the end he was the one to plug in the tree.
They stood there for a moment, side by side, and just stared. Somehow just this one decoration seemed to liven up the whole house. The quiet didn't seem so bad anymore, and Duo turned out the lights.
The tree glowed and twinkled, and Duo slowly put the angel on top. She stared down at them with a soft gaze, forgiveness and piety radiating from her. In the dim light they worked to clean up their mess, Heero placing the candles they'd just bought on the coffee table and Duo putting up the few other decorations as he made his way to the basement. The tree box was left down there, the bags thrown in their recycling, and when Duo got back upstairs the candles were lit.
A gentle pine scent was slowly filling the room and Heero was putting a disc into their Blu-Ray player. Duo smiled when he realized it was that stupid Christmas fireplace disc he'd bought on a whim.
Duo flopped down in the corner of their couch, stretching his legs along the L's extension, and was startled to feel Heero settle in right next to him.
Blue eyes met, but no words were said. Duo tried for a tentative smile, but it faltered under Heero's heavy stare. He couldn't tell what his partner was thinking, though that wasn't a first. Duo couldn't get that kid out of his head, nor Heero's pain-filled response.
In all his talking at Heero, he'd never once gotten around to the subject of a family. For seven years they'd been together, living together almost immediately after the war. Not once had the subject of what they wanted in the future come up. Duo avoided it like the plague, knowing how Heero felt about delving too deeply into their friendship.
Sometimes Duo wanted desperately to label it differently. With Heero he pushed the boundaries of what was acceptable, strove to get closer to this mission-driven man. It wasn't healthy, being so close and wanting so much more, but Duo realized a long time ago that he just couldn't give up.
Heero was worth too much to give up on him.
There was a quiet pop and sizzle on the TV, and Duo turned to face it, laying his head back against the leather. A moment later he felt Heero join him, then Heero's cheek was suddenly pressed against his hair.
When he was able to relax again peace radiated through his being. A large, callused hand reached for his own, and Duo let the other man fuse their fingers together.
His stomach was in his throat. Heero wasn't usually so...touchy. Maybe it was the atmosphere, or maybe it was that kid; he didn't know. All he knew was if Heero was reaching out, then Duo wasn't going to push him away.
They settled in together more fully as they relaxed. Just as the sounds were lulling Duo to sleep, Heero's quiet voice cut through the ambiance. It was so soft, but the words were heavier than a thunderclap. "...I want to give him a home."
Duo stayed silent, tears gathering in his eyes. They wouldn't fall though. They never fell.
He could feel Heero's chest moving against him as he took deeper breaths. "I know it's stupid." He sounded so defeated that Duo wanted to say something, anything to comfort him. Heero didn't need that right now though. He needed Duo to listen, so he would. "We aren't lovers." Twist the knife a little harder, Heero. "Neither of us is stable enough for that." Huh, that was a new argument. "How would he explain his guardians' relationship? We can't even explain it."
'Yeah, my dads are pretty weird. At least I don't have to worry about walking in on them!'
Heero's hand tightened in his, a clear sign of his mounting frustration. "How do we explain to him that we're more than friends but less than lovers?"
Now Duo had to force himself not to move. Heero had never come so close to actually labeling what they had before. Nerves had his own hand clenching tighter.
That head of dark hair wasn't settled against his anymore. Instead Heero was staring down at their clasped hands. His breathing was ragged, his face shadowed even more deeply by the soft light. "How do I explain..." Duo kept himself from staring with a will. "How do I explain how terrified I am at wanting more..."
His palms were sweating now, and a fine tremor wracked his body. That... Duo licked his lips. That was more than he'd ever expected from Heero. Oh he knew his feelings weren't as one-sided as he pretended they were. It was safer for them both that way.
It was safe to ignore the way Heero's eyes sometimes burned along his skin, safe to assume he was the only one yearning for more. The soft look Heero sometimes got when he thought Duo wasn't paying attention, the way he sometimes leaned into Duo's hands, or the things he did purely for Duo's sake...
Yeah, it was way safer to pretend they were just a little closer than most friends were. Heero wasn't interested in changing what they had. Regret pulsed just beneath the surface, but Duo was good at ignoring those types of things for Heero's benefit.
They could both want a deeper connection without actively deciding they should. Heero was right. That wasn't safe for anyone involved.
"But..." Duo damn near jumped out of his skin. But? "if...we were closer..." Heero whispered. That tone spoke volumes: fear of the unknown, a yearning for that very same unknown. "...we could be discussing how we'd incorporate him in our lives."
He couldn't breathe. This...this wasn't happening, was it? No way was he so fucking close to having everything he'd ever wanted. Not even Heero could be this cruel! Duo suddenly needed Heero to shut up, to stop talking, to take back everything he'd just said and everything he left unsaid.
"Shut up."
Heero was facing him suddenly, but Duo hardly even noticed.
He ripped his hand from the other man's. His hands were trembling, but it was beneath his attention. "Shut up," he gasped.
"Duo-"
"SHUT UP!" Duo's eyes were spitting fire, but his heart was frozen solid. He'd never known Heero to be this cruel. Not even the coldest words from him during their missions had cut him this deep. The worst part was that those eyes weren't cold. No, they were molten with a heat he'd always refused to acknowledge. "Don't you dare torture me like this! You ain't interested in takin' such a risky fuckin' step, and that kid don't deserve our brand of fucked up!"
When had he gotten to his feet? Duo stared down at the man he would do anything for. Heero opened his mouth to say something else, but Duo beat him to it. "No. We ain't talkin' about this, you're gonna shut up about a DAMN good friendship that we sure as SHIT ain't fuckin' up with sex and romance and all that bullshit, and we ain't gonna talk about that kid. EVER AGAIN. Got it?"
His whole body was trembling, just waiting for a fight. He should have known Heero would back down though. Neither of them liked to fight, and they both just acceded to the other's will whenever they could. So when that handsome face simply closed off and Heero turned away, Duo was relieved.
He stormed off to his bedroom, the mood from earlier ruined. How the fuck could he enjoy a peaceful Christmas now?
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There were precisely sixty-two glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling. He'd counted them twenty-three times. They were arranged into different constellations, his tribute to their roots in space.
He couldn't sleep. Duo was a restless sleeper anyway, but Heero's earlier maundering was stuck in his mind. So when his door quietly opened Duo was wide awake to see his best friend slip inside.
The other man didn't bother to say a word as he walked catlike to his bed. Duo's eyes tracked the fluid movements, watched as Heero took a deep breath to steady himself, then widened when Heero flipped up the covers. "Woah, what the fuck?!" He shouted, scrabbling toward the wall.
Heero seemed to take that as an invitation though, and slid under the covers. He turned on his side toward Duo, who was sat straight up now, staring down at his apparently insane best friend. Sure, they sometimes shared a bed when they had nightmares. Heero hadn't gone to bed. He'd been listening for it.
Instead all Duo heard was that stupid Blu-Ray on repeat for the last three hours. He'd almost memorized every pop, every crackle of the flames.
"What the hell are you doing?" he hissed. Every hair was raised on his body. This wasn't normal, this was way outside their acceptable relationship boundaries. Heero had made some wonderful leaps earlier, then fucked it all up with talk about taking it to a WAY deeper level. Duo wouldn't risk it anymore than Heero would.
So why the hell was he risking it? For a stupid kid? "You were staring at me earlier."
Heero's voice cut through his thoughts like butter. "Huh?"
"After the shower. You were staring."
Shit, could he get any redder. Duo swore under his breath. "Yeah, so? You're a good lookin' guy. Don't mean I'm gonna jump ya!" He hated how his accent came out more under duress.
"I don't expect you to."
"Well then what in the actual hell are you doin' in my BED?" Hot damn but it was a tempting situation. Heero...in his bed. Talking about deepening their relationship. Yeah, was it just him or was it hot in there?
Those deep blue eyes were focused completely on him as he was tugged back down. Duo had to fight to keep his muscles from locking up the whole way down, but he got there eventually. "Could we raise him without changing anything?"
"You're already changin' shit," he pointed out needlessly.
A rough hand came up to caress his cheek in one of the gentlest touches Duo had ever felt. "I know. It's not fair to you."
"Damn right it's not," Duo muttered to himself.
Heero heard it loud and clear, he was sure. "Would we be able to go back to this, if we fail?"
And he finally noticed the tremor in Heero's voice, in his muscles, noticed the tightness pinching his brow. Heero was probably more terrified than he was just then. So Duo took a moment to think, really analyze their friendship. Could they withstand pushing their boundaries? Would they be able to handle it if things didn't work out?
Duo heard a shuddering breath, and focused on Heero's face. There was hesitance, then a whisper. "Can I tell you how much you mean to me...?" He knew it was meant to be another hypothetical question, a sort of "if I say this, can we go back to normal?"
Damn it, Heero was ballsy as fuck to gamble like that on what was between them! Even as his heart pounded and the blood rushed in his ears though, a tingle of excitement shot through him. "Yeah," Duo whispered breathlessly, meeting his partner's gamble.
For a moment he feared Heero wouldn't. Blue eyes closed in what looked like a grimace of pain, then Heero's voice cut through the muted darkness of his bedroom. "I don't like 'I love you'. It's meaningless, too easy to say." He took a deep breath and let it out shakily. Duo felt it tickle against his face. "So I won't. But the term I want to use isn't appropriate for our relationship as it is." Heero seemed to rally himself then and Duo braced himself. "My life without you would be bland, tasteless."
Duo's jaw damn near dropped in astonishment.
He goggled at the other man, who seemed to struggle even more at seeing Duo's expression. "I...want to be able to tell you all the time how amazing you are..." His hand stroked down to his chest, and rested just above Duo's heart. "You make everything warm and bright. You make me feel like I'm a normal human, not some perfect soldier."
With a cringe, Duo realized how often he'd used that stupid moniker. He knew how much Heero hated to be called that, but he teased him about it anyway. "Sorry," he murmured, "I know I shouldn't o' called you that so much..."
Heero's lips suddenly, briefly, pressed against his mouth. It could barely be classified as a kiss, no more than a quick pressure. "You aren't any more perfect than I am," he chastised. "I want to say all that, and wake up next to you in the morning, and touch you without worrying that I'll be punished for it."
In his own way he was still punishing Heero for it. Any time Heero was more open with him, when he talked more or touched him first, Duo would crow and laugh in victory. Even now he was staring at him as if he had two heads. If anyone else had said those things he would have told them they were unenduringly sweet. "You're a fuckin' sap," Duo teased instead, but kept his expression soft. For as much bravery as that had taken, Heero deserved to know he didn't mean it badly.
Before he could change his mind Duo swooped in to show his partner a real kiss.
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