Chapter Text
Stay With Me
One
Pub night was usually Penelope’s favorite day of the week. On these nights, she would typically find herself surrounded by her best friend—Eloise—and an unquantifiable number of Eloise’s siblings (she had seven siblings who were blood related, and four more that had been brought into the fold by marriage). There were so many of them that the chaos the Bridgerton brood typically brought with them was often the perfect distraction from a hectic week at UCL’s library, where she worked as one of the university’s many librarians.
And, seeing as though they were approaching the end of spring term, her days had been extremely hectic. Students were anxious to eke out one last decent grade, end of term exams, and the stress of all things in between had taken over her life the past two weeks, so she was happy to simply sit back, relax, and let her hair down just a bit.
Which made her thankful for the Bridgertons. Being such a close family, they all enjoyed hanging out with one another. Though when the stars happened to align and all of them were able to gather, it was typically well-known that some mischief was in the air.
Despite that, all of the familiar faces Penelope was currently surrounded by gave her a sense of peace.
Because, tonight, she had more than just work stresses sitting on her shoulders. Over-caffeinated and strung-out academics were her bread and butter. She could handle them with one hand tied behind her back and still be able to juggle five other things.
No. What weighed her down tonight was much more personal in nature.
As she sat in Mondrich’s Pub, parked in one of the corner booths that someone must have called ahead to reserve to warn Will, the proprietor and a close friend to many of Eloise’s older brothers.
She didn’t feel much like mingling with the other bar goers though, so she merely kept to herself, a paper napkin being torn to bits until the tabletop looked like it had been littered with confetti. She occasionally sipped from her glass of wine, but her hands had the habit to fidget when she was uncomfortable, or worrying too much over a particular subject.
Which was her current state.
“I like you a lot, Penelope.” The words echoed in her mind as she thought back to the conversation she’d been having literally minutes before she was supposed to leave for the pub.
Alfred Debling, the man she had been seeing for the last four weeks or so, had come over to her flat with the intention for them to spend some time together. Perched on her sofa, they sat facing one another, each of them cradling glasses of a decent wine that a coworker had gifted her for her birthday.
“I like you too,” she told him with a bright smile. She did like him. He gave her a sense of contentment she hadn’t truly known before. He was handsome and, sometimes, even quite funny. She always enjoyed the time she spent with him.
“Which is why,” he’d scooted a bit closer to her and took her hand gently in his own. She couldn’t help but notice that his palm was slightly clammy. “I think we should become exclusive.”
She’d been in the midst of taking a sip of her wine, which she then spat all over him. Lucky for him, it had been a white and wouldn’t horribly stain.
“Oh, Alfie, I am so sorry!” Completely humiliated, she quickly apologized while jumping to her feet and hurrying to the kitchen to grab a towel. She then hastily began to dab at the droplets that were dotting not only his face, but the collar of his expertly-pressed dress shirt as well. “You… surprised me is all.”
It had only been a few weeks, after all, and he was already asking her to be his girlfriend?! It all seemed a bit fast, didn’t it?
Alfie chuckled before taking the towel from her and finished wiping down the rest of his face. “I suppose I did, didn’t I?”
“A bit.” She giggled. But, it was more high-pitched than usual for her, which meant that she was completely off-kilter. He didn’t seem to notice, though.
After he was sufficiently cleaned up, Alfie tossed the towel onto the coffee table and took her hand once more. His hand was still clammy, which in truth could have been a nervous bodily reaction to him gathering the courage to ask her to be exclusive.
Or it was his natural state and she’d simply never noticed. She hoped it wasn’t the latter.
After all, how likely would it be that she would have never noticed such a thing?
“Look, Penelope… I don’t want to pressure you into anything and I don’t need a decision from you right this second. But, I would like to know if we are, in fact, on the same page.” He gave her fingers what felt like a comforting squeeze, even though now all she could focus on was just how moist his skin felt against hers.
She fought the urge to cringe in disgust.
“I asked you to meet me tonight because I’m taking a flight to Iceland later tonight. A conference.”
“Oh.” When they’d started seeing each other, he’d informed her that he could fly out at a moment’s notice. While he was based in London, he was a nature conservationist and his research took him to all corners of the world. The two of them had met when he came to the university library as a guest speaker. Afterward, he’d asked her out for coffee and they'd immediately hit it off.
“I will be back Sunday night, but I didn’t want to leave until I told you where my head is at.” His hand still lingered over hers. Penelope glanced down at their entangled fingers and it was like she could see the beads of sweat that were beginning to seep onto her skin. Then, his hand squeezed hers and she could swear she’d heard an audible squish. “And I hope you’ll take the time to think about it.”
Thinking back on their chat, Penelope gave a visible shudder. How had she never realized that Alfie would sweat that much?! Because, when her eyes had lifted to meet his once again, she’d realized that the moisture on his collar hadn’t been because she’d spit her drink all over him, but because he’d been sweating.
She wanted to gag, but she downed half of her glass of wine (Mondrich had a very good selection) instead.
“What’s your damage, Heather?” Eloise unceremoniously plopped down into the booth beside her, blessedly dragging Penelope from her thoughts.
“Hm? What?” Clearing her throat, she took another sip from her glass, but it wasn’t having the loosening effect she had been hoping it would. She was probably going to have to go for something much stronger if she was going to make it through the rest of the evening.
“You’ve got the whole sulky Penelope face going on tonight. Everything alright?”
“Yup.” Penelope tipped back her glass, draining the last of it in one go. “Grand.”
Eloise didn’t believe her for a second and scoffed. “Well, aren’t you just full of bullshit and misery tonight.” She then frowned when she hadn’t received even the slightest twitch in response to her comment and gave her a soft nudge. “What’s got you so twisted up, babes?”
If there was one person Penelope could tell her problems to, it was definitely Eloise. They had been best friends since primary and they knew just about everything about each other. Who each other’s first kiss was (a boy named Theo for Eloise in secondary/Michael Cramer for Penelope in sixth-form), which sibling Eloise secretly loved the most (Benedict, of course), and when they’d each lost their virginity (late sixth-form for Eloise and university for Penelope).
Yet, there was one specific, very pivotal thing she’d never shared with Eloise. It was possibly the one thing she felt she could never share with anyone.
Because, how could she possibly explain, even to her best friend, that she’d never had an orgasm?
Well, not never. She was quite adept at giving herself one, though the toys she employed in her arsenal had basically been doing all of the heavy lifting since she’d discovered how wonderful self-pleasure could be.
The problem was, when it came to getting her freak on with a man, things never seemed to play out the same. Oh, she would be into it. Full stop. She enjoyed the touch of the opposite sex immensely. It was only, when it came to the big finish, she simply… couldn’t.
And it wasn’t like her past partners, or even Alfie, were doing anything wrong when she truly thought about it. It had nothing to do with them at all. It was a her problem that she simply could not find a solution for.
So, when Alfie asked her to become more serious, it was all she could focus on. She could commit to him, date him, move in with him, even love him and want to marry him one day. Yet, it weighed on her that she would never know what true sexual gratification would feel like.
And that lingering doubt was the big thing that was stopping her from saying ‘yes’.
However, she knew how Eloise would react to such knowledge and that was what kept her from spilling her guts. Because, if there was one thing Eloise was, it was a proponent of good sex. Especially now that she had her own gorgeous sex god of her own in Phillip Crane (all five-foot-ten inches of him with his broad, tanned skin, and that neatly-trimmed facial hair that gave him a bit of a roguish roughness to his inner nerdy soul) to show her how things were done properly.
She would tell Penelope that her past (and current, though she wouldn’t just come out and say it) lovers weren’t up to snuff and it was vitally important that she find a man who was.
As if it was so easy.
Even though she couldn’t tell her the truth, she couldn’t just leave Eloise hanging, either. Otherwise, she would never let it go. Like a dog with a bone, that one.
“Alfie wants to make things official.”
Eloise’s jaw dropped, for one unable to make a snarky comment. “And?” she choked out after taking thirty seconds to process what she’d just heard.
Penelope shrugged. “I told him I would think about it.”
“Uh-huh.” Eloise slugged back her rum and coke, draining it completely while she tried to collect her thoughts. “Okay,” she brushed a stray drop of her drink from her lower lip with her thumb. “So… how are we feeling about that?”
“Okay. I guess.”
Eloise was holding back from what she really wanted to say. They both knew it, only because Eloise was not typically the type to hold anything back and the fact that she was virtually silent made it all the more obvious that she was trying not to say something that might hurt Penelope in the end.
“He surprised me. I’m still trying to process.”
“Well, did you ever see the two of you heading in that direction?”
“I dunno, really,” Penelope shrugged. “It’s only been a month. I thought we were still in the learning-about-each-other phase. Hell, we’re lucky if we can see each other once a week as it is. He’s busy with his research and his speaking engagements and you know how things can get at the end of the term. I just thought we would have more time together before this ever came up.”
Biting back a groan, she rubbed her hands over her eyes until she saw stars behind her eyelids.
What she did know about Alfie, she liked though. So, would it truly be so bad that she was considering it?
“I know you don’t like him…” she continued.
Eloise quickly shook her head, holding up a hand in defense. “No no no. I never said I didn’t like him.”
“You called him the equivalent to watching paint dry, El.”
“Because the man wouldn’t shut up when he spoke at length about those stupid extinct birds he did his dissertation on. At length, Pen. Mating rituals and all. I don’t need to know the intricacies of finding the perfect pebble.”
“But if Phil brings you flowers, explaining the science behind the soil composition he used to grow it…” she countered, teasingly.
“Yeah, well, how often do ladies get flowers not only grown just for them, but also named after them?”
Penelope rolled her eyes at that question if only to hide her jealousy. Eloise was lucky to have found her person. “You two are so cute, it’s sickening.”
“Trust me. I’m aware.” Eloise turned slightly, waving to the man in question as he stood at the bar with one of her brothers. She pointed to her empty glass and Phillip immediately understood her request.
She hadn’t even needed to wave him down. That was how in tune with each other they were. Because he had already ordered her another and was just about to deliver it to her.
When she thought about it, Penelope had to wonder if Alfie truly was her person. He’d always kept her informed of his intentions and never shied away from just how nerdy he could be. In was a fact that she found very charming about him. And when they were together, he always treated her well. He was kind, considerate, and a perfect gentleman.
However, was that enough for her?
“But, we’re getting off track here,” Eloise reminded her. “This convo isn’t about me. It’s about you and whatever you choose to do.” Eloise’s hand was gentle as it settled on top of hers, offering her a bit of strength when she gave it a squeeze. “You’re the best, babes. And you deserve the best. I’m team Pen. No matter what you decide.”
She came close to crying at Eloise’s reassurances. That fact alone was what made their friendship as tight as it was. No matter what, she and Eloise would be there for each other.
“Decide what?”
Following behind Phillip was Colin, the brother who’d been standing with him at the bar. Currently in his all-natural and ruggedly handsome phase, he was dressed in a simple black t-shirt with a navy blue button-up (though it was left to hang open to show off how tight his shirt was) over it. The dark blue jeans he wore topped off his outfit, the fabric fitting him like they were practically made for him as it hugged his strong thighs and tight arse just right.
Not that Penelope had to look to see just how tight his arse was. She didn’t have to. The several pairs of eyes trailing behind him as she walked away from the bar were enough evidence to that fact.
She fought the urge to roll her eyes as watched a gaggle of women giggle, flutter their lashes, and wave flirtatiously at him. The worst part was that Colin noticed them and offered them one of his patented smirks and winked at them.
She half-expected one of them to be all dramatic and swoon if it meant that she would gain his attention.
He was laughing as he settled in beside her and slung his arm along the back of the booth (which also happened to be directly behind her). Penelope liked to think she was immune to the charms of Colin Bridgerton, yet she was just like all of the other women who crossed his path. She was simply better at hiding it.
So, when his body heat surrounded her and his thigh briefly pressed against hers, she did what she always did. Simply pretended not to notice.
Though, it was difficult not to notice the way his bicep flexed, nor just how close his hand was to wrapping itself around her shoulder. The man took up so much space and exuded so much charm and confidence that it was nearly impossible not to notice him.
Just like with Eloise, she’d been friends with Colin for what seemed like forever, so closeness like this wasn’t completely unusual for the both of them. Hugs, kisses on the cheeks, and the occasional cuddle were typical for them.
Still, it didn’t help that every time Penelope got close to him, she felt like internally combusting. She had been in lo—No. She’d had a crush on him since the day they met. But, with as close as their friendship was, it was impossible to think that anything would ever happen between them.
It was an unconscious line in the sand that they’d both drawn. Neither of them would ever cross that line, even if it ever came to light that they were attracted to each other (Yeah, right!).
He did smell so fucking good, though! She wanted to bury her face in the crook of his neck and take a nice long sniff of that clean, musky scent that she had always been able to associate with him.
“Decide to punch you in the nose because you can’t keep it out of other people’s business,” Eloise grumbled to him before shooting a glowing smile in Phillip’s direction as he deposited her fresh drink in front of her. “Thanks, love.”
“Must you always be so… you?” Colin asked his sister as he leaned around Penelope to address her.
“Must you always insert yourself into the time I spend with Pen? We were having a conversation.”
“She’s my friend too, El. You can’t monopolize all her time.”
Someone please save me from being the meat in this idiot sandwich. Penelope thought she’d only said that inside her head, but she heard Colin’s audible snort of laughter beside her as soon as she’d thought it. Fighting off her embarrassment, she simply could not deal with the way Eloise and Colin could fight like cats and dogs.
Luckily, her savior came in the form of Benedict Bridgerton. Number two in the lineup, but number one in her heart, he approached their table, carrying two trays filled with shots, one stacked on top of the other.
“Ben…” Eloise groaned in exasperation.
"Why do you always have to do this?” Colin grumbled. No matter what, Benedict was an artist when it came to getting shit-faced and if he was going to throw some shots back, he made sure everyone else would as well. “Remember, we have you to thank for Anthony getting so plastered that one night that he almost fucked off and married that West End actress the night Daph got married.”
“No, the most heinous thing he’s ever done was when he took those mushrooms before Mum’s charity dinner. He’d been so high that he thought he could fly!” Eloise rolled her eyes at the memory, yet still plucked one shot glass from the tray. “Lucky for him, when he jumped out the window, the rose bushes were there to break his fall.”
Still holding the stack of trays, Benedict shrugged. “Worth it,” was his simple reply as he set down one tray on their table and the other on the table beside him, which was taken up by even more Bridgertons. “And, honestly, this is a celebration. How often is it that we have the entire family together like this?”
It was a true rarity. For once, all eight siblings were in the same place. While Hyacinth and Gregory still weren’t yet able to enjoy pub night with their older siblings, at least all of the children old enough to partake were able to enjoy an evening out together.
Penelope snatched up a glass as well while Benedict began to pass them out. “Look, I don’t care why, but I’m in.” She then quickly tossed it back. It burned the entire way down her throat, but she wouldn’t even think of complaining. This is exactly what she needed to stop her from continuing to spiral.
“See?” Benedict glowed with pride as she reached for another. “This is why Pen is my favorite.”
“And as of right now, you’re mine,” she told him before tossed back her second shot. “So, keep ‘em coming.”
Penelope was having he time of her life. Mondrich’s didn’t have a very large dance floor, but she was other there, tearing it up with the rest of the crowd. Currently, she Ben and his wife Sophie were having a blast dancing to Pitbull and she looked like she was having the time of her life.
Colin didn’t think he’d ever seen her let loose like this, but he was sure it had something to do with the four shots she’d slung back before he’d forced himself to step in before taking another.
Tipsy Penelope was adorable. Drunk-Out-of-Her-Mind Penelope was a thing that no one should ever witness, so it was best that none of them allowed her to get to that point. And she was currently on the cusp of it.
Eloise seemed to agree with him and had snatched away the fifth shot she’d grabbed from the tray, before passing over a glass of water for her to choke down. Which she did. But with a great deal of reluctance and a cute little pout to her plush bottom lip.
The evening was quickly wrapping up anyway. Francesca and her fiancee Michaela had slipped out an hour or so ago, not wanting to drag out their goodbyes (which would happen, because every sibling would have wanted to hug them before leaving). Daphne and her husband Simon had a new baby at home, so they had cut out not long after. Eventually, the rest of them had all filtered out until it was only Eloise and Phillip, Colin and Penelope.
Eloise was fading fast, but Phillip had a good hand of her. As her head lolled against his shoulder, he wrapped an arm around her for both support and affection.
“Do you think she’s okay?” Colin wondered aloud, unable to tear his gaze away from Penelope as she remained on the dance floor, the only one left as she swayed to the current song.
“Can’t really say,” Eloise replied, though her words were mostly mumbled. She was seconds from dropping off on Phillip’s shoulder.
“Apparently, that guys she’s been seeing… Albert(?)… Allen(?)… Alfred(!),” he snapped his fingers as he finally remembered. “He asked her to be his girlfriend.” He then drained the last of his pint.
Frowning, Colin’s gaze shifted to Phil, then quickly back to watch Penelope continue to dance. “Oh.” The song had switched up to something slower, now. “I guess this is her celebrating, then?”
Yet, this wasn’t typically how Penelope celebrated. She would do it over a fine bottle of wine and maybe an eclair or two. She wouldn’t knock back a bunch of shots until she could barely stand up straight.
If she was on the verge of starting up a new relationship, then why did it seem more like she was wallowing?
Colin didn’t know Alfred all that well. He’d only met him once(?), maybe twice. And all Colin could make of him was that he was… tolerable. Not exactly the person he’d ever imagined Penelope being with, but who was he to know the preferences of others?
Still, he’s always thought he’d known Penelope to do better than the next good enough man that came along.
Phillip only shrugged, the movement jostling Eloise enough to rouse her. Blinking, her gaze cleared enough to settle on Penelope as well. “We should get her home,” she murmured.
Phillip lightly brushed the hair out of her eyes and nodded. “Yeah. Okay.”
Colin watched that little movement with rapt attention. It was so strange to see Eloise being treated with such tenderness. Not that she didn’t deserve it. She was his sister, she deserved everything good in the world, but she’d always been such a harsh critic of love and marriage, yet here it was staring her directly in the face.
Honestly, it made Colin a little jealous of their dynamic.
“Don’t worry about it,” he told them as he finished off the beer he’d been nursing for the last hour. He wasn’t much of a drinker, so after tossing back the first shot Ben had given him, he’d been switching between beer and water. “I’ll take her back to mine so she can sleep it off.”
His flat was not only closer, but his and Eloise’s was in the completely opposite direction as Pen’s. It would simply be too much out of their way to take her home. Besides, Phillip was already going to have his hands full trying to schlep Eloise back to their place without having to worry about Penelope as well.
Eloise’s lips instantly parted in an argument (because, let’s face it, it was Eloise and is she wasn’t arguing with someone, there was something wrong with her), before surprisingly, she relented with a nod of acceptance.
“Come on, love,” Phillip slid out of the booth, waiting patiently for Eloise to follow him.
Nodding, she slid out as well, but didn’t immediately go to him. Instead, she walked up to Penelope and wrapped her arms around her. Colin and Phillip were too far away to hear what was said between them, but when they parted after a good squeeze, there was the sheen of tears in Penelope’s eyes.
El then was back at Phil’s side, her arms sliding around his waist and her head settling on his shoulder. She then gave Colin a half hearted wave before they escaped into the night.
“Night.”
Colin waved them off as he climbed out of the booth and went to retrieve his drunken ward. As he approached her, Pen turned on the ball of her foot. Her eyes suddenly lit up with excitement as she reached out to him.
“Colin!” she cried out, brightly. “Come dance with me!”
He bit back the smile that threatened to burst forth. This was a different Penelope than the one he’d been watching dance. This was the one he’d always known. The Penelope that was always so bright and joyful.
The song that was currently playing was a cover of a song originally by The Foundations; slow and melodic as the singer expressed her feelings for the man she loved. Romantic and slightly heartbreaking when she sung about the possibility of losing him.
“As much as I would love to, I think Will is really eager to close up shop for the night. What do you say we put a pin in it for now and you come back to mine?”
“Yours?” She blinked up at him in confusion like he’d just said the most interesting thing to her.
“Yeah, just as much confusion coated his expression. He couldn’t imagine why she was suddenly looking at him that way. After all, it wouldn’t be the first night she’d spent at his flat. “That alright?”
Slowly, she nodded. “Mm-hm.”
“’Kay.” He was already holding her jacket and her purse, so he passed both things off to her before settling his palm in the small of her back and leading her to the door. Before they left, he sent a wave toward Will, who waved back, but also had a bit of a smirk on his lips.
Colin didn’t allow himself the chance to think about what was so humorous.
The entire walk back to his flat, she was surprisingly quiet. It wasn’t truly all that surprising in and of itself, though. Pen was a quiet person by nature. Except for when she was drunk. That was when she let out the side of herself she typically didn’t allow others to see. It was a more free side of herself and Colin wished he had the opportunity to see more of it.
But, even this Penelope was not the same Penelope he was used to. He was used to her being soft and reserved like she didn’t want to take up too much space (a form she often took after spending some time with her family and having to suffer the icy criticisms they had the habit of sending her way).
Tonight, however, she seemed more contemplative and focused.
“You alright?” he asked as they walked across the alley just before his building.
“Hm?” she asked with the air of absentmindedness. “Oh… yeah. Fine. Just… thinking.”
“Must be something super important, then.” He didn’t want to let on to the fact that he knew that Alfred had asked her to become more serious. It was something she hadn’t explicitly shared with him, so he refused to broach the subject. She would have to be the one to start that conversation.
“Not really,” she quickly deflected, then seemed to remember who she was talking to and that Colin knew her better than just about anyone (not as good as Eloise, however). “Well, yes… maybe?” She groaned with exasperation. “I don’t know.”
He unlocked the front door, holding it open just enough for her to slip through ahead of him. He didn’t even have to move aside, she simply walked underneath his outstretched arm. He wanted to laugh at the fact that she was so short that she didn’t even have to duck, but merely settled on a slight smile when he realized she wouldn’t appreciate his humor.
“You know, I’m here if you wanna talk about it. I can help. Or offer up advice. Whatever you might need.”
Pausing just outside the lift, she blinked up at him like she was seeing him for the very first time. Her eyes were large and bright blue and so very pretty.
But of course they were. Everything about Pen was pretty. Beautiful even. Colin often found himself thinking just how much before he had to remind himself that she was his best friend and, despite the fact that the urge to kiss her grew exponentially every moment they spent together, that was simply something friends did not do.
“Thanks,” she muttered before tearing her eyes away from his. She nipped softly at her bottom lip while giving a shake of her head. “But I don’t think this is something you can help me with.”
He had to accept that, despite the fact that he was eager to help. Pen was so special to him that he would do whatever it took to make her happy.
“Okay,” he relented as he pressed the call button for the lift. “Just know that the offer still stands.”
“Yeah,” she murmured in response. “Thanks.”
The ride up to his floor was only slightly awkward as Contemplative Penelope was quick to return. Colin wished he could take a peek inside her mind, to take a good look at whatever seemed to be weighing her down. Was it merely Alfred wanting to take things further with her or something else entirely?
He was chomping at the bit for details, but he would behave and respect that she didn’t want to talk about it.
Shifting from one foot to the other, he continued to make conversation. “Afraid the spare room is out of commission right now, but you can crash in my bed.” His modest flat was only a two-bedroom, but he’d always wanted his own home office, so he was currently in the process of setting that up.
Her eyes suddenly went so wide in shock. “With you?!”
Colin couldn’t help but laugh and it was like they’d momentarily fallen back into their old routine. “Well, no. I was planning on sleeping on the sofa. Figured I’d be a good host and offer up the room to my guest.” The manners his mother had instilled upon him since he was a lad wouldn’t allow him to do anything but that.
“Oh,” her cheeks instantly flushed crimson and she suddenly couldn’t look at him anymore. “Right. Makes sense.” He could see her mentally kicking herself for jumping to such a conclusion.
It wasn’t so far-fetched of an idea, though, was it? Some would even say it was inevitable, because men and women could never simply be friends (which was complete bullshit in Colin’s mind, because he had plenty of friends who were women and he’d never had the slightest urge to sleep with them. Penelope, however…).
He quickly shook his head. It was absolutely not the time for that because it truly felt as though Penelope was going through something and he wanted to be there for her.
“Pen…”
But as he was about to ask if she was alright, the lift arrived at his floor. He let her off first and he followed her down to the end of the hallway. Unlocking the door to his flat, he gave it a push and waited for her to enter first.
She did, her steps more hurried than usual. “I need the loo,” she murmured before shuffling off to the room in question.
At times, Penelope could be quite awkward. And often, it was absolutely adorable. But, this version of Awkward Penelope became more concerning the more he witnessed it. Something was bothering her and it bothered him even more that she wouldn’t tell him about it.
“Yeah, okay,” he responded, but only because there was nothing for him to say. How was he supposed to address what was happening with her if he didn’t know the full story?
Locking the door, Colin hung up his jacket and set his keys down into the little bowl he had sitting beside the door. He heard the toilet flush and the sink begin to run in the bathroom just down the hall. Deciding to give her a few moments to herself, he cleaned up a bit of clutter he’d left lying around the kitchen and living room.
He heard the bathroom tap shut off the and door creep open. He was straightening up the blanket he usually kept thrown over the back of the couch when he heard her footsteps begin to pad the rest of the way down the hallway to his bedroom. Then he heard that door click shut as well.
He would need to go in there to grab a change of clothes and grab a pillow, he realized with a sigh.
As he made his approach, he found her jacket laying in the middle of the floor. Kneeling down, he picked it up and slung it over his forearm. A little further down, just outside of the loo, were her shoes. His eyes flicked up to find an entire trail leading him to his bedroom.
Shock engulfed him as he picked up each piece of clothing. Her jeans were next. Then her top. And… her bra?!
What the fuck?! It was the only coherent thought he could think of as his fingers made contact with the strip of hunter green lace.
His fingers trembled as he added it to the pile in his arms. Penelope was currently wandering through his apartment in just her knickers?! His brain was practically on the verge of short-circuiting at the thought.
It would be a lie if he ever said he’d never thought about what she looked like naked. Because he did. All the time. Ever since her breasts had begun to develop, he had been very much aware of them. They were like a beacon that drew his eyes to them the moment he stepped into the room. She was gorgeous. Like the Greeks would have worshiped her as a goddess, gorgeous. All curves and softness…
It had become a real problem for Colin over the years. While other boys would wank to Victoria Secret models or movie starlets, Colin’s fantasies had always been consumed with thoughts of Penelope. The glow in her eyes. The sweetness of her smile. The perfect volume of her breasts.
The way his thoughts were always drawn to her were the reason why he’d never had a long-lasting relationship. Every time he’d been with a woman, she simply wasn’t Penelope enough and his thoughts would turn to her. It had gotten so back that he’d once even said her name in the middle of sex, which urged him a great deal or cursing and a hair dryer being thrown at his head.
Which he’d honestly deserved.
But, it had been that incident that made him realize that he was actually in love with his best friend. But, see as though they were, in fact, best friends, he would never allow himself to cross that line. No matter how much he wanted to.
Besides, Penelope obviously didn’t see him that way. And that was okay.
Still, that didn’t mean he couldn’t be affected by the fact that she was running around in just a thin scrap of fabric that would barely cover her…
His knees were about to go out on him the closer he drew to the bedroom door. Penelope is inside in only her knickers. He froze as another thought struck him. Oh, God! What if she wasn’t even wearing knickers?!
That thought never knocked all the air from his lungs as he reached for the door handle. He gripped it right, taking a moment to pull in a deep, steadying breath. Then, he opened the door.
Stepping inside, he found her perched on the end of his bed. His eyes were instantly drawn to the smooth expanse of her legs as she drew them up and curled them underneath her bum. He couldn’t stop himself from admiring what she was wearing. It was one of his t-shirts (a gray one), which looked far too large on her petite form. The fabric landed at mid-thigh, which only made him stare more. His eyes skated up the curves of her body, admiring each one.
She wasn’t naked. But it was damn near close to it.
“Hi,” she smiled warmly at him. Her face was now devoid of makeup (she kept certain products at his place for nights such as this), her skin looking clean and dewy from her moisturizer.
“Hi,” he smiled back, depositing her discarded clothing on top of the small desk he had tucked against the wall furthest from the bed. This was a safe distance to keep. At least until he got his bearings.
“I found something to sleep in.”
“I can see that.” And he had to admit, she looked smashing in it.
Rising up to her knees, Penelope crooked a finger at him, urging him closer. Colin went willingly, with the full intention to keep his distance and do the right thing of tucking her into bed. While finding her like this was like a dream come true for him, it was not going to happen.
She seemed to have other ideas, however. Her arms snaked around his neck, her head tilting just right so she was peering up at him through her lashes. Then, she leaned in…
Colin felt himself become drawn to her lips and felt himself actually lean forward a bit. Then, he snapped himself out of it and stilled her by placing his hands on her shoulders. “Whoa… W-What are you doing?”
“What I should have done a long time ago.” She tried to lean in again, but this time Colin pulled away just enough for her to get the hint. She frowned in confusion, he lower lip forming the most adorable little pout. “You don’t want to?”
Heat crept up the back of his neck. He had never admitted his feelings for Penelope to anyone. All of the years of secretly loving her. All of the times he’d simply wanted to be with her. It had gotten to such and intense boiling point right after his final year at uni that he’d cashed out his savings and had left London to travel the world. Because if he couldn’t be in the same city as her and have her completely, then he didn’t want to be in that city anymore.
While he’d been away, he’d begun posting things to his social media, which honestly got him a fair bit of traction. The exotic locales he decided to feature got him plenty of views in those first few months away. It even gave him enough ad revenue to sustain his new lifestyle.
He’d been out of London for three months before he’d gotten an offer from a travel magazine hoping to have him as a writer on one of their feature columns. He had a knack for finding little out-of-the-way places and injecting the stories of the people there with enough heart to draw in a decent readership. When an article was written by Colin Bridgerton, it was pretty much guaranteed to sell.
He had been away for so long, his articles now bringing in more than enough money for him to live off of. As his third year of being away officially closed out, he’d been in Buenos Aires, watching the locals ring in the new year, and found himself thinking about how much he missed home. How much he’d missed Penelope.
So, after he’d finished his assignment, he’d boarded a plane to return home. His connections at the travel mag led him to a local publishing house that wanted to compile all of his articles into a series of books. He’d bought his flat and settled into the life of a man who was just waiting for the right moment to tell the woman he’d been in love with since before he knew what the word actually meant that he actually did love her and he wanted to build a life with her.
Tonight, however, was not going to be that night.
“More than you’ll ever know,” he answered truthfully. He figured it wouldn’t hurt to give her a peek inside his mind. It wasn’t like she was going to remember anything about this moment come morning.
Her smile was wide and bright at his confession and he felt her fingers start to rake their way through the hair at the base of his skull. He had the urge to purr in reaction to her touch, but refrained.
“You’re drunk, Pen.”
“Which makes this such a great idea.” She tried to lean in again.
Colin unlaced her fingers from around his neck and took a step back. Keeping a firm grip on her hand, he drew her to her feet. “Come here,” he instructed softly.
She followed him willingly as he moved her to the head of the bed and pulled back the covers. With a smirk, he patted the bed, silently instructing her to climb in.
She did, her glassy eyes never leaving his while curling her legs up once more in that enticing little way she had earlier. The way that made her borrowed t-shirt ride up just a little bit, revealing the softness of her thighs to him.
Colin leaned forward. She arched up toward him as his left hand reached out. Then, with a flick of his wrist…
He drew the covers over her. “Go to sleep, Pen.” She moved to lean in again, but he stilled her with his words. “Hey, you’re not going to remember any of this in the morning.”
He expected her to try to move in again, but was surprised when she nearly melted in front of him. Her face softened, almost like she wa staring up at him with hearts in her eyes. Then, without anymore preamble, she laid down with her head being cradled by his pillow, and promptly fell asleep.
Blowing out a breath, Colin silently cursed himself. There she was, offering herself up to him practically on a silver platter and he had to play the noble gentleman and deny her advances. Some people would call this masochism, an internal voice mocked him as he took a moment to properly tuck her in. He pulled the overs up over her, brushing some hair out of her face. His heart ached as she released a contented sigh.
And as much as he wanted to curl up beside her, he simply couldn’t do it. Mostly because he knew sleep would elude him tonight. Watching Penelope act the sultry vixen was one of his most-played fantasies and she’d hit just about every single key note. Even if he wanted to curl up beside her, the hard-on he was currently sporting wouldn’t allow him.
So he hurried to his chest of drawers on the other side of the room and pulled out a pair of sleep pants. When he was alone, Colin tended to sleep in nothing but his boxers, but with Pen spending the night, he refused.
He slipped down the hallway to the bathroom, where he quickly changed and ran through his nightly routine of washing the day off his face and brushing his teeth. He changed and padded to the kitchen where he filled a glass with water and grabbed the pack of paracetamol he had stashed away. He carried both back to the bedroom and placed them on the bedside table next to her.
He then dug her phone out from the pocket of her jacket and plugged it in as well. All that was left after that was to grab his pillow and head out to the couch.
He had nearly made it when Penelope stirred. “Colin?” she asked, her voice heavy with sleep.
He gripped tightly to the doorknob as he hugged the pillow tightly to his chest. He wasn’t sure how much longer his control would hold out for. “Yeah?”
“Will you stay with me?”
He had to give in. Her voice had sounded so uncertain when she’d asked that he didn’t have the heart to deny her. Honestly, it wasn’t like they’d never shared a bed before. They’d done it loads of times before, so this would just be like one of those times. Wouldn’t it?
He refused to think too much on it as he released his hold on the doorknob and flicked off the bedroom light. “Yeah, Pen. I’ll stay.”
It was like he could hear her smile as she settled back into the comfy spot she’d found, only to drop off a few seconds later like she’d never been awake at all. Colin chuckled to himself as he climbed in beside her.
He wasn’t sure when he’d actually fallen asleep. The next thing he knew, it was morning and he was being woken up by the smell of fresh coffee being waved in front of his nose. It took him a moment before he became aware of where he was.
Then the night before came flooding back to him.
“Morning!” Penelope greeted him, sounding a bit more chipper than he’d expected her to. With as much as she’d thrown back, he hadn’t expected her to crawl out of bed until noon at least.
Prying open his eyes, he found Penelope sitting on his bed, wearing his t-shirt, and holding a steaming mug of coffee in his face.
“Morning,” he greeted cautiously. Sitting up, he took the proffered mug from her with a bit more trepidation than he was used to feeling around her. He took in the sight of her and noticed that she didn’t look too worse for wear; maybe simply a bit more tired than usual. “How are you feeling?”
She shrugged, her fingers tangling a bit in the fabric of her shirt. “Not too bad.”
“You got pretty drunk last night,” he reminded her. “How much do you remember?”
She didn’t even hesitate with her answer. “All of it.”
He sipped at his coffee, averting his eyes momentarily as he tried to gather up enough courage to remind her of what else had happened last night. “You tried to kiss me.”
She nodded, not looking the least bit nonplussed about it. “Yeah.”
Not exactly the answer he’d expected to hear. He took another sip of his coffee to make sure his head was actually clear and he wasn’t just about to hear. “I know this isn’t something we usually talk about, but I feel like I’m missing something here.” He chuckled awkwardly as he sat up a bit more and stretched his stiff muscles. He’d spent most of the night keeping his body to his half of the bed, making sure he didn’t unconsciously man-handle her in the middle of the night and make her think he was some kind of deviant.
“I was thinking…” she began as she curled up on her side of the bed. She left more than enough room between them to maintain propriety, yet the distance was much too far for Colin’s liking. He shifted an inch closer to her just to bridge that gap a bit. “Last night, you told me that I could come to you if I thought I needed your help. Did you mean it?”
He nodded. “Yeah. Of course.”
“Great.” She then bounded up off the bed to her feet, where she quickly swiveled around on the balls of her feet to quickly face him again. “Then, I need you to give me an orgasm.”