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For Lee Jihoon, life always felt rather unconventional. In a world that seemed to practically revolve around mates and settling down, he never felt like he truly belonged. He loved his family. For the first eighteen years of his life, he was an only child. He had an alpha father and a beta mother, who had him young. Still, they never made it his problem, showing him attention and giving him the love that they could. At five, when he showed an interest in the piano, they set up him up with a tutor, who he learned from every Tuesday and Thursday until he gave it up for art and design at twelve. His parents attended every school event, every piano recital, celebrated even his smallest wins.
There was also Soonyoung, his next door neighbor. He had two mothers, one alpha, one omega, a more traditional family, some would say. Like Jihoon, Soonyoung always had his parents around for everything, they even indulged in his interests, including the tiger phase that Jihoon was starting to think wasn't a phase. Their personalities may have been varying and vastly different, as Soonyoung was always full of energy and whimsy, and Jihoon preferred quiet and the confines of his preferred spaces, but they were the best of friends, the completing piece of one another.
They understood each other like no one else, not even their families could understand them as well as they understood each other. Sometimes, Soonyoung would get too caught up in his excitement, unable to voice what he was feeling, but Jihoon always gave him the words he was looking for. Other times, Jihoon would have a crushing weight of something inexplicable settle in his chest, but Soonyoung always understood and knew how to lessen it. They shared a passion for music as well as design. They ran to each other for everything, from the smallest news of something they saw to huge life milestones, such as both of them presenting as alphas. It just felt right. It made sense.
However, that was about the only thing that made sense in Jihoon's life. As others around school went through presentation, they began speaking of crushes, giggling in hushed whispers who they would share a heat or rut with. However, the mere thought sent a wave of dread through Jihoon. He didn't want a rut, let alone share it with anyone. It was even worse when his parents began to ask him if there was anyone he was interested in.
"No, not really." He always answered.
""Oh, come on, Hoonie. You're a young alpha, I'm sure someone has caught your eye." His mother insisted.
"Are you interested in Soonyoung?" His father asked after a long moment of silence.
Jihoon froze, his chopsticks hovering over his bowl of rice. It would make sense, wouldn't it? He and Soonyoung were closer than anyone in the world. They shared everything, were always together, knew the other better than themselves, but wasn't that how friends were? Did he like Soonyoung? Did he want to be mated to him?
"I don't know." He answered truthfully, his parents unaware they had just sent him on a long and painful spiral.
Did he like Soonyoung? What did liking someone even mean? What did it feel like? He broke late one night. He sneaked downstairs, sat himself at the family computer and searched Naver, looking for any kind of answers. He typed what a crush felt like, and scrolled through the many forums of people talking about their crushes, what they liked about them, what attracted them, how they knew.
"I always wanted to be around them." Jihoon muttered, reading one aloud.
He liked his space, needed it actually, but when he needed comfort, he ran to Soonyoung. If he wanted to be around someone, it was him. He continued reading.
"I wanted to be special to them, like they were to me. I would get jealous if they mentioned being close to someone else, despite knowing it was irrational."
Soonyoung was special to him, a person he would choose no matter what. He knew he was special to Soonyoung, but he didn't think he was ever jealous…wait, there as that one time that he mentioned hanging out with Soohyuk for two weeks over a summer, how Soohyuk took care of him and was so fun to be around. Jihoon had listened, but felt a weird feeling in his chest and stomach, something twisting. Oh. Was that jealousy? He wasn't entirely sure, but he would have been fine if Soonyoung never mentioned Soohyuk ever again.
"They were always in my future. I couldn't imagine life without them."
Well, that was an obvious thing, Jihoon felt. Of course he wanted his best friend in his life forever, of course he couldn't imagine life without him. That didn't mean he was in love with him, did it?
He groaned, turning off the computer and sneaking back up the stairs. He wasn't sure what he felt. Did he have a crush on Soonyoung? Was he in love with him? Was he supposed to be? What if he told them and then realized he wasn't? Much like everything else, he shoved it down, burying it deep down, so low it would take a while to dig it back up. The time and space was taken up by other things anyway.
It had been weeks from graduation. He and Soonyoung were looking into schools with architecture programs, having found the same passion for it. He was looking forward to his future, but life had a way of changing. His father was dying, telling Jihoon one Sunday morning that was originally peaceful and quiet. Jihoon had been too stunned to speak. Even four weeks later, he was having a difficult time processing. His father had been there all his life. To imagine him suddenly not…it was nearly unbearable.
Soonyoung spent a lot of time at his place, giving Jihoon support and comfort. They laid in Jihoon's small bed, curled up against one another, Jihoon's face was usually planted in Soonyoung's chest. He found comfort in the rise and fall of his friend's chest, his breath on his hair, his hands gently patting or caressing his skin. He sought comfort in the fruity and floral notes of Soonyoung's white wine scents. Soonyoung had told him seawater scent was just as comforting, like a warm day at the beach. Jihoon wasn't as sure, but he would have given his friend anything, so he chose to believe him, hoping to provide the same comfort Soonyoung gave him.
It was another night like that, but Jihoon was too restless to sleep. They were sharing earbuds that was playing songs from a playlist they had built together over the years on Jihoon's mp3 player, countless nights of downloading and transferring files, but it was theirs. It was meant to relax Jihoon, but it wasn't working, just giving background music to his misery. Regardless, Soonyoung had tried everything from humming to gentle massages, but Jihoon's brain was working on overtime. On top of his father's earth-shattering news, his mother had dropped hers as well.
"She's pregnant." Jihoon finally admitted.
It felt strange to say out loud. His thirty-six year old mother was pregnant with her second child, her first having turned eighteen. It felt surreal, it felt…ridiculous. His father was dying and yet, they were having another child. It didn't seem right. It concerned him, especially given that the older a beta was, the higher risk the pregnancy. He could lose both parents. He had had them his whole life that he never thought that one day he wouldn't.
Soonyoung let out a slow breath, a sign that he was thinking through what to say. Something Jihoon loved about him. He always seemed to know exactly what to say, even in the toughest of situations.
"Well, first off, your first sibling, that's something. You won't be a bratty only child anymore." He began, obviously trying to lighten the mood.
Had it been anyone else, Jihoon would have been annoyed, maybe even left, but because it was Soonyoung, he had laughed, a bit weakly, but still there.
"I'll practically be their parent." He snorted.
Soonyoung held him a bit tighter. "Well, whatever happens, I have your back."
It managed to get a small smile out of Jihoon. "I know. You always do."
Going away to university wasn't easy. His father grew weaker while his mother's pregnancy continued. Then, in late September, he got the call he had been fearing the most, his father was gone. Jihoon had collapsed in Soonyoung's arms, the other holding him while he processed what happened. They went home for the funeral and the entire ordeal felt like a blur. His mother was a mess, and Jihoon worried he was about to lose her and his sibling, but she held strong, for her children.
In February, his little sister, Chaeri, was born. However, his other worst fear had come true. His mother's grief had worn already weak body down. Giving birth had destroyed her completely. She died giving life to Chaeri. Now, it was just Jihoon and Chaeri and he was at a complete loss as to what to do. Pups were meant to stay with the pack as much as possible, but there was no pack. There was just Jihoon, who was only nineteen and scared out of his mind.
His mother's funeral was strange. There was a tiny pup clinging to him as he greeted people and accepted their condolences. Many gave him a look of pity, some even tried to offer him unsolicited advice, not realizing he was heavily grieving and already confused. There was Chaeri to take care of, school which he would probably have to drop out of, and there was only him. He was only nineteen. He was practically still a pup who needed his parents, but no one seemed to understand that.
"You know, there are programs for pups like her." One told him.
They wanted him to dump his freshly born sister, abandon her despite being the only family he had.
"The government can provide funds for orphaned pups." Another informed.
Jihoon's grief filled mind didn't care. He didn't want money. He wanted his parents back. Did any of them have the solution for that?
"What are you going to do, Jihoon?" A woman asked.
She was a friend of his mother's. He had seen her a few times in his childhood, but where was she when he friend was suffering the worst pain imaginable? Why was she here now, when her friend was already dead? He was about to tell her off, but the fresh scent of white wine practically flooded him as Soonyoung approached them, holding onto Jihoon's waist. The alpha, ever-so-friendly, smiled at the woman, but it was tight, fake in a way Jihoon had rarely seen.
"We're going to grieve a wonderful woman and try our best to give the little pup a normal and happy childhood." He answered, voice full of determination.
Jihoon may not have been in love with Soonyoung, but he loved him more than anyone in the world. They would be by each other's side, no matter what that looked like.
With the help of Soonyoung's family, they took care of Chaeri and tried their best in school at the same time, hoping to one day build their own home. One afternoon, Chaeri had been crying incessantly with no end or relief in sight. Soonyoung's mother's were away at work, leaving the two young alphas alone, trying their best to solve the problem.
"I don't understand." Jihoon exclaimed as he bounced Chaeri around the living room, the little pup practically screaming her head off. "She's been fed, changed, burped, hell, she just woke up! What could she need?"
Soonyoung was frantically searching his phone, seeking help from any online source that would offer it. Simultaneously, he tried to release a comforting soothing scent, but because he was an alpha and they weren't mated, it came off a bit too strong, like a weekday brunch, and Jihoon scowled but didn't say anything. Soonyoung was just trying to help, even if he was reeking up the room.
"Okay, it says on multiple sites that making a nest would help settle her." He informed.
Jihoon let out a scoff, shifting the baby in his arms. She was small, only weighing around sixteen pounds at six months, but in times like this, she seemed heavier. When he could get the chance, he would need to return to the gym, build up more strength.
"We're both alphas, Soon." He stated, trying to make himself heard over his sister's loud crying. "What do we know about making a nest?"
Soonyoung let out an exasperated sigh, clearly reaching the end of his rope as well. "Look, there's some tutorials online we can follow. It's worth a shot to calm her down, isn't it?"
Jihoon couldn't argue with that and held Chaeri close as he attempted to follow along with the tutorial that was playing on Soonyoung's phone. An energetic omega woman was scenting blankets and towels, using them as padding and borders. It made a sort of square shape, while theirs looked more like…well…a formless blob.
"Just go with your instinct, let it guide you." The woman said.
Jihoon rolled his eyes. "Yeah, easy for her to say." He grumbled.
"Ji," Soonyoung warned.
"Right, right. For Chaeri." He then paused to look at his sister, who was still crying, but thankfully not screaming. "You're a handful, you know that?"
"You can't just say that to her!"
"Why not? I'm still her older brother. I have to tease her once in a while."
"She's a baby."
"And?"
Soonyoung could only sigh. "Tuck that blanket in."
Finally, their nest was done. It was mismatched and ugly, but still theirs. Carefully, they lowered Chaeri into it. The moment the scent of white wine on the beach hit her, she calmed down within an instant, almost like magic. The alphas shared a stunned look, shocked that it had actually worked and so quickly at that. Jihoon used a finger to wiggle his ear.
"For such a small human, she sure makes your ear shatter."
Soonyoung laughed in agreement, the two of them settling into the nest next to her. It was more comfortable than it looked. It would never match the nests his mother used to make, but if it provided comfort, it was well worth it. Chaeri was nearly asleep again, her reign of terror, over…for now. Jihoon closed his eyes, basking in the silence. However, something was still weighing on him, even after all these years. Years of burying was dug up in minutes, all because his exhausted mind wouldn't settle.
"Do you ever wish for…more?"
Soonyoung turned his head to look at him. "More?"
"More from me, from us." He took a shaky breath. "Like mates."
To his surprise, Soonyoung was quick to answer. "No."
"No?" Jihoon repeated, almost in disbelief.
"No. I don't wish for more. I like what we have. Being mated or not wouldn't change how I feel about you."
The other swallowed hard, afraid of his next question. "And how do you feel about me?"
"I love you, more than anyone in this world. I would do anything for you, I want to be by your side forever, but why does that have to be romantic or sexual. Isn't how we feel the only thing that matters?"
Suddenly, everything he had been questioning since presentation was becoming clearer, easier. Soonyoung was right. Just because their society prioritized romantic love and mating, didn't mean they had to conform. All that mattered was them and the little pup fast asleep between them.
"You're right." A long moment of silence passed. "I love you, Soonyoung."
"I love you, Jihoon."
In five years time, they would both be accomplished architects, building their own company and their dream home for their pup. They would take care of her, watch her grow, tell her stories of loves that aren't fairytales, but still live happily ever after, or as they liked to call it, unconventionally happily ever after.