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Thanks to road work, it was a good five hours from Trinity's apartment to the coast. It was the wrong ocean, but it still felt good to taste salt on the air.
She'd let Baran do the driving, that way she could hold her sealskin in her lap. She'd kept running the edge of her thumb over the sutures that Baran had made, over the little bits of fur that stuck up through the stitching.
It scared her that, during her fever, she'd handed her skin over so easily. It scared her even more that Baran couldn't possibly know how much it meant to her that she'd made it whole again and given it back.
Because she'd explained a lot to Baran, but not everything. Not the most important parts.
"What happened?" Baran had asked that night over takeout sushi. She'd had one foot up on her chair, knee tucked up against her, as she'd reached for another piece of spicy salmon roll.
Trinity had taken her time chewing, swallowing, considering how she could evade an honest answer.
"Someone wanted to keep me," she'd said. It was vague but it was true.
Baran had furrowed her brow. Clearly she'd understood the gravity of what Trinity was trying to say, but something was clearly still bothering her.
"Why would someone..?" she'd hesitated, and Trinity'd waited, letting her figure out how to ask her question. But Baran had only shaken her head, at a loss.
"Why would someone want to keep me?" Trinity had supplied, trying not to feel a little stung.
"I don't know if you've noticed, but when I'm not a sea lion I'm a fucking catch." She'd thrown in a little grin as if to say It's fine. It's funny. It's fine.
It was fine because a past version of Trinity had figured out how to pick locks. It was fine because she had figured out how to leave.
—
A public beach was easiest for parking, for access, but it also meant other people. They picked their way around towels and coolers and headed straight for the water.
At the edge of the water, Trinity turned to Baran.
"You don't have to come with me," she said, but Baran looked at her seriously.
"I want to."
So, they waded in until they were neck deep and far away from other swimmers. The water was cold and seemed calm, but currents pulled at their bodies below the surface.
Trinity hugged her sealskin to her chest the entire time, as if some riptide or sea creature would steal it away from her. This water didn't feel like home. But, she reminded herself, it was maybe better that way.
They both stood there, water licking at their chins.
"I guess I should —" Trinity started to say. She wasn't sure why she was so nervous now. It wasn't like she hadn't already done this before in front of Baran. But you were delirious, she reminded herself. You weren't yourself.
Baran was watching her like she was trying to read her thoughts.
"Do you need help?"
"Actually," Trinity replied, "Yeah. Can you hold my swimsuit?"
"Of course."
"And," Trinity added, realizing that it would be practically impossible to take the suit off herself without handing over her pelt. "Can you help me take it off?"
Baran's fingers were gentle as they untied the halter of her swimsuit top. Trinity kicked up off the mucky ocean bottom to float on her back and let Baran tug off her bottoms, helping her with her free hand and trying not to kick her.
When she wasn't a sea lion, Trinity Santos was not exactly graceful in the water. They both laughed as Trinity splashed her way back to standing. Her hair was wet and sticking to her face. Baran was blinking sea water out of her eyes.
"Did I get you?" Trinity said, amused and a little embarrassed.
"A little," Baran laughed again, planted a cool, wet kiss on Trinity's forehead. Then they were both quiet again.
"So," Trinity said. "I know you've seen this already but, you know, you don't have to watch."
Baran shrugged, sending little ripples out from her shoulders, but she didn't turn away.
"I'll be right here," she said. "Don't go too far from me."
And Trinity slipped into her skin.
It was hard to describe, becoming something else, other than to say that it felt completely right.
She dived under water and cut across the currents. She spun and flipped and swam wide, graceful circles around Baran. The animal part of her wanted to swim out further, find deeper ocean, feel the pressure of the water on all sides of her body and wait until her lungs burned before surfacing.
But she did not go too far from Baran. She popped her head up above water where she was sure Baran could see her, snuffled out air and filled her lungs. Then she dipped underwater again.
She wasn't sure if hours passed or merely minutes, but by the time she slipped back out of her skin again and paddled back towards Baran, naked and awkward again, Baran's lips were a bluish shade of purple and her teeth were chattering. Her hands shook as she helped Trinity back into her swimsuit.
"I'm sorry," Trinity started to say, but Baran shook her head to cut off her apology.
"Don't be," she smiled. "You seemed happy."
"Yeah," Trinity said. Her limbs felt lighter, more buoyant than before. "I was."
They made their way back towards shore, towards the promise of dry clothes and other human things. Coffee, certainly, for the long drive home. Trinity would pick the music and they would sing loudly with the windows rolled down. They would get back to Trinity's place well after midnight and Baran would stay the night without asking first, without Trinity having to offer. They'd both fall into bed, too exhausted to even kiss, and have sleepy-eyed sex in the morning. They'd still both taste a little like salt.
Trinity realized she was looking forward to it all.