Chapter Text
The first time they played, it was ranked solo queue. Jayce was top lane Sett, a buff, shirtless fighter with magenta hair and cat ears, while the other player, Machine_Herald, was bot lane Twitch, a mad scientist rat with a crossbow. They lost, badly, since everyone else on their team was too busy going 0/9 while they desperately scrambled to secure dragon and Baron, only to get ganked and slaughtered by the entire enemy team.
Jayce gave the Twitch player a like after the game, and was surprised to see a friend request pop up. He felt pleasantly surprised, accepted it immediately. Usually the only time teammates added you after a loss was to flame and blame, but he figured that it was obvious enough to the other player that it wasn’t his fault they'd lost.
The other player said nothing after adding him, just invited him to his party for another game of ranked. This time, their team was actually competent. Jayce felt a pressure to perform well in front of his new friend. They won easily.
He messaged, “nice one,” to the other player.
“thx, do u play support?” Machine_Herald asked.
“Only for ADCs I like,” Jayce replied.
“like me? :3”
“haha sure”
Jayce watched Machine_Herald select Xayah, and without much thought, selected Rakan, Xayah’s in-lore boyfriend. He picked him for strategic reasons, because he was Xayah’s best support. They won lane early and managed to push to the Nexus in record time, winning the game.
Hammer_Thyme: ggz
Machine_Herald: u too. discord?
Jayce gave him his Discord. He saw the friend request pop up almost instantly. He was on his second beer of the night, took a long swig. He was usually an anxious texter, but the buzz helped. Plus, he reminded himself, it was the most low-stakes social interaction possible. It wasn’t like they were ever going to meet in real life.
ManofProgress: hi
GloriousEvolution: hello
GloriousEvolution: thanks for playing supp
ManofProgress: u made it easy
GloriousEvolution: do you play sett a lot?
ManofProgress: yeah! why
GloriousEvolution: I just think he’s hot
Jayce suspected for some reason that GloriousEvolution was a girl. Maybe it was that their profile picture was of a cat wearing gaming headphones.
GloriousEvolution: do u look like him :3
ManofProgress: I mean, I work out haha
ManofProgress: which champ do you look like
GloriousEvolution: twitch obvs. im a brilliant genetically modified rat who lives in the sewer, my gaming rig is made of discarded vape cartridges and runs on methane gas
ManofProgress: hahaha
GloriousEvolution: but fr more like aphelios I guess
Jayce felt some butterflies at that. Sett and Aphelios were one of the game’s more popular gay ships, a big bruiser and a pretty, brooding marksman. He had always liked Sett, related to him a little, the brawler with a heart of gold and a soft spot for his mom. And he’d always thought Aphelios was kind of hot. He saw the art of them together sometimes, had sought it out himself once or twice.
ManofProgress: looking for the sett to your aphelios then
GloriousEvolution: that’s the dream
GloriousEvolution: will settle for a decent duo to flirt and climb ranked with tho
Jayce’s curiosity—and dick—got the best of him.
ManofProgress: is it too early to ask to swap pics
GloriousEvolution: wow first base already
GloriousEvolution: jk, sure but no face
GloriousEvolution: yet
Within a minute he got a photo. The Aphelios comparison was apt. The photo showed GloriousEvolution’s torso and forearms in a purple LED lit room, a line of birthmarks trailing down his stomach to a thin line of hair that disappeared beneath the waistband of his briefs. Jayce wondered if he just took it, if he was shirtless now.
ManofProgress: u look very grabbable
GloriousEvolution: be respectful
ManofProgress: sorry im looking very respectfully, trust
GloriousEvolution: wanna see u now
Jayce scrolled through his camera roll for a shirtless gym selfie to crop his face out of, found one taken in the locker room mirror where he thought the lighting was good, and sent it.
GloriousEvolution: oh you ARE Sett
ManofProgress: im blushing
GloriousEvolution: im barking
ManofProgress: stop im gonna overheat
GloriousEvolution: you will by the time I'm done with you
ManofProgress: … so like, what’s your name
GloriousEvolution: rushing to second base already are we
ManofProgress: can you blame me for trying to lock it down
GloriousEvolution: you can call me V. what should I call you?
ManofProgress: you can call me whatever you like
GloriousEvolution: ok kitten
ManofProgress: that works
GloriousEvolution: srsly can I get an initial though
GloriousEvolution: so I know what to carve into the tree
ManofProgress: it’s J
GloriousEvolution: hot
ManofProgress: easy
GloriousEvolution: hey
ManofProgress: sorry
GloriousEvolution: submissive
ManofProgress: hey
GloriousEvolution: :3
GloriousEvolution: so do u wanna queue some more
GloriousEvolution: we could voice chat
ManofProgress: who’s rushing bases now
GloriousEvolution: so is that a no
ManofProgress: I think we’ve already established that I love rushing bases
GloriousEvolution: good :3
He got an incoming call. He was nervous. It’d be awkward if he hated V's voice. There was only one way to find out, though.
He picked up.
“Hi,” said V.
“Hey. Ready to queue?”
“Mhm. But if we lose, I’m blocking you,” V purred.
Fuck, his voice was hot.
“Good to know you’re just using me for my elo.”
V was Emerald. Jayce was a rank below him, Platinum.
“You caught me, I only sent you a shirtless photo of me to motivate you to carry me.”
He had a thick accent too, one that was very nice to listen to. Jayce wondered where he was from.
“Loser goes support next game?”
“Deal.”
Jayce locked in Sett. V locked in Miss Fortune, a busty pirate captain marksman.
“Trying to distract me with your tits?” Jayce said.
“Do you find tits distracting?”
“I’m an equal opportunist.”
“You can say bisexual, J, it’s okay. This is a safe space.”
“It doesn’t feel very safe.”
“Oh? Do I scare you?”
“A little. Maybe you should go 0/9 so I’m less intimidated.”
“Maybe I like making you scared.”
“Maybe I like being scared. Sharpens my instincts,” Jayce said.
“Mm…does it now?” That sexy purr again. It went straight to Jayce’s dick. Jayce tried to use it as fuel to win the game.
They were in different lanes this time, but Jayce won his early. The other players in V’s lane were unfortunately pretty good, and giving him a hard time. Thankfully Jayce had plenty of down time to go and defend him. Together, they killed both enemy laners and took down the enemy turret.
“Am I supposed to thank you for saving me?”
“I accept physical favors in place of verbal thanks,” Jayce replied.
“How about feet pics?”
“Not really a feet guy.”
“More into hands?”
Jayce’s stomach flipped a little. “Uh, yeah, actually. Why, do you have nice ones?”
“You tell me.”
Two seconds later, Jayce heard a discord message notification.
“Don’t check until we win. I don’t want you distracted.”
“I’m already distracted.”
“I’ll delete it if we lose. Focused now?”
“You sure know how to make a guy lock in.”
“I know how to make a guy do lots of things,” V trailed off.
“Like be really good at league of legends?”
“Sure. That’s what I was going to say.”
It was a close game. They were down three kills and at one point the enemy team was pushed all the way to their nexus, but they respawned just in time and managed to wipe out the enemy team. Ace. They won baron, pushed mid, and secured the win.
“G fucking g,” Jayce said.
“Same to you.”
“I’m gonna check discord now.”
“Enjoy your spoils.”
Jayce opened their DMs, saw the blurred photos V sent him, clicked to unblur. He breathed in sharply.
“Fuck, V,”
There were two photos. One of V’s hand, fingertips sliding over the thin trail of hair down his abdomen, under the waistband of his briefs. His fingers were slender and pale, with a birthmark between his knuckles. It was one of the most beautiful hands Jayce had ever seen. The other was of his throat and mouth, cutting off at his nose. His hand was placed gently around his own neck, thumb pressed against his jaw, mouth slightly open, as if gasping. If Jayce zoomed in, he could see V’s tongue.
“Like what you see?”
“You’re really teasing me, huh?”
“What can I say, I love the game.”
“I think I might have to log off in a second to attend to some personal business.”
“Going to jerk off all by yourself, you mean?”
“I mean—,” this was crazy. This person was practically a stranger. “Are you hard too?”
“Mhm. Could be harder, though. I also like hands.”
“You want something from me? Ask and I might give it to you.”
“Let me see you right now.”
“Like a picture, or—?”
“I wouldn’t mind watching.”
Jayce hesitated for a second, finished his beer. “God. I can’t believe I’m doing this. No recording or anything, okay?”
“I promise.”
Jayce toggled to the call, turned on video. His room was mostly dark, the square of his torso illuminated by the light of the computer.
He leaned back, keeping his face out of the frame, lifted up his T-shirt. He was wearing gym shorts and boxers. He lifted up a bit, shuffled his bottoms down to his thighs.
He heard V’s breathing. He pulled himself out.
“Oh. You’re—,” V started.
“This okay?”
“Yeah. It’s—really good.”
“Okay.”
V’s camera wasn’t on. He didn’t think it would be. V had offered to watch, not perform. He opened up the photos of V’s hands from the chat.
“Are you also—,”
There was a shuffling sound, then heavy breathing, “Yeah.”
“I don’t think I’m going to last very long.”
“Me neither. You have um—,” he heard V shifting. “Really nice hands, too.”
Jayce stroked himself like he would if he wasn’t being watched, hard and fast.
“Where would you want them?”
V hummed. “In my mouth. Around my throat.”
“Where else?”
“Wrapped around my cock.”
Jayce grunted. He was picturing it now.
“I love watching you,” V said, softly. “You look so good.”
Jayce imagined V stroking himself off, watching him. Imagined him panting, flushed.
“Mm—,”
“Ah—V,”
Jayce came into his hand. He stared at the ceiling for a second. He couldn’t believe he’d just done that. As he reached for a tissue, he heard a small yelp through the voice chat.
“Did you—”
“I just—”
There was a brief silence. Some shuffling. Jayce pulled his shorts back on, turned off the camera.
“So, uhh—” he started. “I’ve never done that before.”
“I’m honored to have taken your e-sex virginity. You were a natural.”
“Thanks.” Jayce couldn’t really think of anything else to say.
V broke the silence. “So, same time tomorrow night?”
Jayce laughed.
“Unless you’d prefer this were a one-night thing,” V said.
Jayce could have been wrong, but he thought V sounded like he did not want this to be a one-night thing. Jayce thought about it. Why not? It wasn’t like he had anything else going on.
“No, I—I think I’m free tomorrow night. At the same time.”
“Ok. Good. Goodnight, J.”
“Goodnight, V. It was um—nice to meet you.”
“You too. Sweet dreams.”
V ended the call.
Jayce sat back, put his hands over his face. League of fucking Legends. Who would’ve thought?
…
They played the next night, and the next one. Both times, it ended the same way. V watched Jayce jerk off. The second night, he talked him through it, telling him when to slow down, when to speed up. “Good boy, you’re doing so well for me, just like that. Make yourself feel good for me. Show me how good you can make yourself feel for me.”
Jayce felt like V’s voice had rewired his brain. He didn’t really want to jerk off to anything else. During the day, he found himself constantly thinking about V, wondering what his face looked like, wondering where he lived, wondering if eventually he’d let Jayce watch him, too.
Jayce was nervous for that night’s gaming call with V. The man had seen him jerk himself off to completion three times now, practically Pavlov'ed his way into Jayce’s dick. He felt a sense of power imbalance about that. He drank two beers before this time, and V called him at 10PM. Jayce picked up.
“How’s it going?” Jayce asked.
“Eh, same old, same old. I was thinking—maybe we should video call?”
“Isn’t it a little early in the night for that?”
“I mean fully clothed. While we play. Normal style.”
“Normal style video call. Okay. Sure.”
He saw the incoming video call, accepted it. He was slightly nervous as the call connected again. What if he didn’t like V’s face?
V’s side profile came into view on the screen. He was adjusting his camera, wearing a white t-shirt. V pulled away from the webcam, eyes fixed on the upper corner of his screen, hand clicking.
“Ah—,” Jayce found himself saying.
V raised an eyebrow, looked at him for the first time. “Ah?”
“Sorry. No, you’re just—” Jayce had expected something else. The V he met through chat was so flirtatious and seductive, he didn’t think he’d be so—“Cute. You’re really cute, V.”
The corners of V’s mouth twitched up. He looked down and away. Long, pretty eyelashes. Was he blushing?
“You were expecting me to be ugly?”
“No! I just—wasn’t expecting. This. In a good way.”
“Thank you. I suppose.”
His eyes were so large and expressive. It was hard to tell what color they were in the lighting, he could see the reflection of purple LEDs in them. They almost looked orange, or gold. His mouth was cute, too, small, a bit catlike. His webcam quality was really good.
“How do I look?” Jayce asked, glancing self-consciously at the small image of him in the corner, running a hand over his hair to smooth it. He couldn’t tell how V felt about his face from his reaction.
V smirked. “You look exactly how I expected.”
“Come on, V, you can flatter me a little.”
“You know how you look.”
“V,” Jayce whined.
“Don’t tell me you’re hot and insecure?”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“It is just a little too good to be true.”
“Maybe I am a little insecure.”
V laughed. “Fine, I thought you would be very hot, and you are very hot. Is that what you wanted to hear? Wait—,” V leaned closer to the screen.
“Smile for me?”
Jayce smiled cheesily.
“Okay. I did not expect your teeth.”
Jayce had always been kind of self-conscious about the gap between his teeth. “What about them?”
“Adorable. Like a bunny. You would make a very pretty battle bunny.”
Pretty. No one had ever called him pretty before. He liked it a lot. Now he was blushing. “So should we um, play some game?”
“Yes. I’ll boot up the game. Ranked again?”
“Obviously. Unless you want to warm up with ARAM.”
“Players like us don’t need to warm up,” V said.
They lost the first game.
“Okay, maybe players like us do need to warm up,” V said.
They played a round of ARAM, then went back to ranked. Jayce locked in Sett and V locked in Aphelios.
“Do you have any of his skins?” V asked.
“I got the Heartsteel one from a Poro chest.”
“Mm, that one’s my favorite.”
“Not Spirit Blossom?”
“Nope. Put it on so we match.”
They both put on the Heartsteel skins.
“Now everyone in the lobby will know we’re e-dating,” V said.
“Is that what it’s called, what we’re doing? I didn’t know they had a name for this.”
“That is what it’s called, yes.”
“Are they going to call us slurs if we fuck up?”
“Probably.”
Jayce watched the loading screen. “Want me to do my Sett voice for the game?”
“You can do a Sett voice?” V sounded more than a little interested.
“I think so. How hard can it be?” Jayce coughed and cleared his throat, lowering his voice, “…Mooncake.” It was Sett’s term of endearment for Aphelios.
“I’m going to cum.”
Jayce continued in the Sett voice, “Come to Summoner’s Rift, you mean? I think I’ve seen you around before, I’d remember a guy like you.”
“That’s insane, J.”
“I’d ask you to do an Aphelios voice, but he can’t speak, right?”
“Not while he’s fighting.”
“That’s okay, babe, I can take it from here. You just save your pretty little voice and I’ll make sure we come out on top. My fists will do plenty of talking for the both of us.”
“Have you done this before?” V actually sounded turned on.
Jayce laughed. “Nah, but Sett’s kind of easy to do. I mean, I’ve heard his voice lines thousands of times while playing.”
“Well, you’re a natural.”
“Happy to be of service.”
This time they won, and it wasn’t close. They winstreaked three games in a row as Sett and Aphelios. They got called f*ggots by the losing team twice.
Jayce found it stung a little. “I’ve never been called that before.”
V found it hilarious. “Welcome to being gay on the internet. Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it.”
After the third game, V asked if Jayce was ready to wind down. He felt himself start to sweat at the implication, but he agreed, closing out of the game. Now they were looking at each other in video chat again.
V was still wearing a shirt, thankfully. There was a brief pause as their eyes met in the camera. Jayce looked away and took a sip of his beer.
“So,” said V.
“Would it be okay if we didn’t um—jack off tonight? I mean, I’d be down to do it again in the future, but,”
“Not in the mood tonight?”
“No, that’s not it. I was just thinking maybe we could get to know each other a little bit first.”
V laughed, then stopped. “Oh, you’re serious. Wouldn’t you rather see my dick?”
Jayce felt himself flush. “I mean, I definitely don’t not want to see your dick. But I think I’d like to know more about you first.”
“Are you a romantic or something?”
Jayce blushed. “I mean–,”
“It’s okay if you are. It’s just—surprising.”
“Well, it’s kind of hard to make a post-league jerk-off session feel romantic.”
“You’re doing a pretty good job right now.”
“V–,”
“I’m happy to answer any questions you have for me. What would you like to know about me?”
“Where are you from?”
“ASL, you mean.”
“What does that mean?”
“It’s something people used to ask each other over the internet in chat rooms. Age, sex, location.”
“Ah, okay, well then yeah, I guess. ASL.”
“I am twenty-seven. I am male. I go to grad school in California.”
Jayce’s heart skipped a beat. “Oh, really? I’m also in California. What part?”
“Northern.”
“I’m in Southern. So I guess we don’t go to the same school.”
“You’re also in school?”
“Yeah, also grad school. For engineering.”
V quirked an eyebrow.
“What, are you surprised?”
“I wouldn’t have guessed.”
“What, because I’m hot?”
“And normal.”
Jayce laughed. “I’m glad you think I’m normal. What are you in school for?”
“Engineering.”
“And you’re not normal.”
“Not really.”
They talked about their majors for a while, the classes they were both taking, the topics they were struggling with. Jayce was pleasantly surprised that V’s weak subjects seemed to be his strong ones, and vice versa. He learned that V was Czech, an international student who was granted a full-ride academic scholarship. A genius, basically. A genius who jerked off with strangers from League of Legends in the evenings.
“So do you do this kind of thing a lot?” Jayce asked. He wasn’t trying to sound territorial, even though he realized he was starting to feel a bit territorial. “Meeting people online?”
“You think I’m some kind of e-dating slut.”
“I didn’t say that. I guess I’m just—asking if you are?”
“I mean, I do friend request every good Sett I play with, but we usually don’t make it to video call.”
“Usually. So you’ve uh—gotten this far with others.”
“Is that a problem?”
“No. I just—I guess I kind of hoped I was special.”
“That’s sweet.”
“I kind of hate when people call me sweet.”
“Why?”
“Because what they usually mean is ‘gullible and easy to manipulate.’”
“I’m not trying to manipulate you. If it helps, I haven’t done what we’ve been doing with anyone in a while. I’m not currently, eh, seeing anyone.”
“I mean, I’d have no right to be upset if you were.”
“But I would understand. It is touching, really. What about you, are you seeing anyone?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I’m secretly um—not very normal.”
“Because you’re embarrassed about being attracted to men?”
“No! No, it’s not that at all. I’m just, not good at casual stuff. I get kind of anxious. And the relationships I’ve been in haven’t really worked out. People usually like me at first because they think I’m normal, but then once they figure out how weird I actually am, it’s like I’m not what they expected at first, based on how I look.”
“Do you have some kind of unusual fetish? Many people find hands attractive, you know.”
Jayce groaned. “No. I mean, I don’t think so.”
“I want to know why you think you’re weird.”
“I don’t even really understand it. It’s like other people just see something in me that pushes them away.”
“Hm. I would like if you turned out to be as weird as I am.”
“You’re just saying that.”
“I have a very high tolerance for weird, J. I don’t think you could scare me away.”
“We’ll see about that,” Jayce said.
“Is that a promise? Because I’d like to see.”
“I don’t know if it makes sense to make these kinds of promises.”
“Why not?”
“We barely know each other. And if I promised you, then you’d have to promise me, and that would be unfair.”
“What would you want me to promise you?”
“That you won’t run away when you see how weird I actually am.”
“I promise, J. Even if our weirdnesses are incompatible, I won’t stop playing league of legends with you.”
Jayce laughed. “Okay. Then I promise I won’t try to hide how weird I am from you.”
“Good. Let’s keep talking. You can message me whenever you want, about anything, and we can play again another night.”
“Okay. I’d like that.”
“Goodnight, J.”
“Goodnight.”
…
Viktor felt something unexpected when he logged off. He thought he would feel sexually frustrated, but instead he felt—warm. And a little fuzzy. J didn’t want to see his dick, he wanted to get to know him. It was a bit frightening. Viktor considered their conversation. He’d never met anyone else online who had been bold enough to admit they’d be hurt if he was e-dating other people.
He scrolled through his other chats on discord, other players he’d befriended and occasionally hit up to play with. Most of them were stale, most of his e-relationships had fizzled quickly, interest decaying on one or both sides. There were a couple he’d ghosted when they broached the idea of meeting in real life too quickly for his comfort. He felt a little guilty about it, but figured he had saved them the disappointment. He was comfortable online, where he could control what he showed of himself, less so in reality, where he couldn’t.
He noticed he didn’t want to hurt J, or disappoint him. Viktor knew his type. Friendly, easy-going gym bro with a secret thing for skinny, pale, effeminate men. Viktor usually didn’t mind that, the idea of being some hot, straight-passing guy’s gay little secret, even if it wasn’t exactly what he wanted. He took what he could get. But J had turned out to be in many ways very different than Viktor expected at first. Viktor opened their chat again, scrolled up to the gym mirror photo J sent him. He wished he had a photo of J’s face, but he didn’t ask.
He got a message from J then.
ManofProgress: sorry for chickening out tn and making it weird
ManofProgress: if this is just a sex thing for you that’s fine
ManofProgress: im still down for whatever
Viktor felt a pang of something sharp in his chest and typed back immediately.
GloriousEvolution: you never need to apologize for not doing something that makes you uncomfortable
GloriousEvolution: I’m glad you told me how you were feeling
GloriousEvolution: happy to play again whenever you’re feeling up to it, no expectations of anything else. If I ever do anything that makes you feel weird, please tell me.
ManofProgress: ok good :) and to be clear I did like it, you didn’t make me uncomfortable
ManofProgress: and I wouldn’t mind doing it again
ManofProgress: although I’d like to see you next time
GloriousEvolution: you drive a hard bargain
ManofProgress: are you saying your “bargain” is hard
GloriousEvolution: could be harder
ManofProgress: what do you usually wear to sleep
GloriousEvolution: just briefs, why?
ManofProgress: me too
ManofProgress: wanna see?
GloriousEvolution: obviously
J sent a blurred photo. Viktor clicked it. It was a photo of J in bed, wearing briefs and nothing else. Viktor took a picture of his PC screen with his phone.
GloriousEvolution: thank you for making my bargain harder
ManofProgress: anytime :)) sweet dreams, V
Viktor was about as surprised as he was when J chose getting to know him over seeing his dick when J took him up on his offer to message throughout the day. J messaged him while he was bored in class, sent him memes about league and complained about the topics he didn’t understand. Viktor sent him a picture of his outfit when he got home from class, an oversized grey sweater and flowy pants with his favorite pair of leather boots, to which J replied: cuuuuuute with a heart eyes emoji. He was pleased when, a few minutes later, J sent a picture of his outfit back. It was different than the usual gym bro outfits he’d seen him in, was clearly what he’d worn to class that day. A plain white t-shirt with a red cardigan, cuffed jeans, and converse. It was casual and slightly academic. Viktor found himself thinking about what it’d feel like to hug him in that cardigan, which was probably dumb, even though J sort of had the vibe of someone who gave life-changing hugs. It all felt notably different than the kind of sexual online flirting Viktor was used to. He found he didn’t mind the feeling, although it scared him a little. It was nice to exchange attention with someone who was so easy to talk to, who there was a sense of mutual attraction with.
Toward the later part of the afternoon, Viktor’s leg was bothering him. He messaged J.
GloriousEvolution: send me something weird
ManofProgress: you first
GloriousEvolution: ok
Viktor scrolled through his camera roll for the most deep–fried, nonsensical meme he could find. At the last second, he changed his mind and picked something more specific. It was of a scribbled black creature with sharp teeth and bloodshot eyes. The caption read ‘how it feels to crave intimacy.’
GloriousEvolution: photo
He saw J typing, then stop typing, then,
ManofProgress: photo
Viktor tapped the photo. It was a pixellated, milk-carton photo of a woman’s face, that said, ‘Have You Seen Her? Missing: Sandy Loam.’ There was a watermark on it, for a geology-based meme page. Viktor had a hard time imagining anyone being repelled from J by this.
Viktor heart reacted the photo.
GloriousEvolution: great stuff
ManofProgress: thanks, I liked yours too.
They played again that night. They video called after. J was wearing a tank top. His biceps looked insane, but Viktor hardly noticed them, which was unusual for him. Instead, he noticed how long J’s eyelashes were when he looked down, felt a bit disappointed when J looked up and Viktor realized J’s webcam quality was too grainy to be able to tell the color of his eyes. He noticed the way his tongue swiped between his lips when he was nervous. He tried to focus on how wide his shoulders were, instead.
They were flirting pretty heavily, when Viktor said, “I’m ready to show you mine now.”
J hesitated.
“What, you don’t want to see?”
“No, it’s not that.”
Viktor was not exactly used to people on the internet declining to see his dick. He was more used to them begging for it. For a moment he considered the haunting possibility that J was secretly straight. “Well then, what is it?”
“I mean, seeing it’s just gonna make it worse right?”
“What do you mean?”
“Knowing what it looks like without being able to do anything about it, myself.”
Viktor shifted in his chair. “Oh? And if you were here, you’d do something about it?”
“Of course I would, V. I couldn’t stop thinking about it in class today.”
“What exactly were you thinking about doing?”
J blushed. God, he was adorable. Viktor wanted to bite him.
“Um. Well. I guess I was thinking about sucking you off?”
“Already?”
“Sorry, is that weird? Does it make you uncomfortable that I was thinking about you like that?”
“It makes my pants uncomfortable.”
J laughed. “So it’s okay then, for me to think about you? Because I kept thinking about your face all day. I really like how expressive your eyes are. And the shape of your mouth is really cute, too.”
Viktor felt his entire body react to that, go hot. Sure, people complimented him all the time on the internet when he sent them his pictures, when they watched each other jerk off. Pretty twink. Huge cock. Skinny little waist. Pretty, slutty, perfect, little, pale. Viktor was used to those. But not expressive eyes.
“You’re asking for permission to have sexual thoughts about me?”
“Well, not only sexual. Like, I thought about kissing you too. But yeah.”
Viktor almost hung up the call. “What kind of factory did they make you in?”
“Uh, I don’t know, V, you tell me.”
“You’re a CIA psyop. They created you to destroy me.”
J laughed. “I wouldn’t want to destroy you at all.”
“Not even a little?”
“No. I’d let you destroy me, though, if you wanted to.”
What the fuck.
“Is this a prank?”
“No? And you still haven’t answered my question.”
“Yes, J, I’d love for you to have sexual thoughts about me. I’d love for you to tell me each and every one of them in graphic detail. I’d love for you to want nothing but me, jerk off to nothing but me, and think of nothing but me all day.”
“That’d probably be pretty bad for my grades. So you wouldn't think it was weird? If I was kind of obsessed with you.”
“No. I’d be very, very into it in fact.”
“Okay. Cool. Kind of hard to be obsessed with you without knowing your name, though.”
“It’s Viktor. My name is Viktor.”
“Well, my name’s Jayce. Nice to meet you, Viktor.”
Jayce. It was a good name. “Nice to meet you, Jayce.” It felt nice in his mouth.
There was a pause. Viktor took a deep breath. “So,” he said. “Just to be clear, you don’t want to see my dick?”
Jayce shook his head. “Not yet. But maybe we can still jerk off together, under our clothes.”
“One day, Jayce,” Viktor said, reaching into his pants. “I’m going to bite you.”
Jayce smiled. “Looking forward to it.”
…
When the call ended, Viktor turned off his monitor and stared at his own reflection in the black screen. He knew it was only a matter of time before Jayce would ask to meet him in person. He could feel it coming. The thought made him very anxious. But also, something else. Something warm, and bubbly, and dangerous.
…
Jayce really liked Viktor. Now that Viktor had given him permission, he thought about him as much as he wanted, without having to feel guilty. He tried to send Viktor a lot of photos in the hopes that he’d send some back, and he usually did, although not as many, which Jayce didn’t mind. He knew he sent a lot, that he was a lot, for most people. Viktor seemed really confused when Jayce requested photos of his face, which Jayce found really cute. After another week or so, Jayce got a bad grade back on an exam, so he decided to set a boundary with himself and not let himself think of Viktor during class, at least not when he was supposed to be paying attention.
He got a text one day from Caitlyn, inviting him to hang out the following night when he and Viktor had already made plans to play league. He texted back immediately, telling her he was busy. He told Viktor on that night’s call that he’d cancelled plans for him thinking he’d be flattered, but his reaction wasn’t what he’d expected.
“Don’t cancel plans for me.”
“Why not? I thought you wanted me to be obsessed with you. I’d rather hang out with you.”
“I think I am starting to understand the way in which you are weird.”
Jayce felt like crying when he said that. It was happening again, he could feel it happening again.
“Jayce,” Viktor said. “I really like that you’re weird in this way, and I need you to understand that it doesn’t bother me at all.”
Jayce didn’t fully believe him. They always said things like this to calm him down when they could tell he was about to freak out. “Okay.”
“But I also need you to understand that you can’t cancel plans for me. I’ll always be here. Your other friends matter too. You can message me, still, while you’re with your other friends. I’ll message you back.”
“I still don’t understand why. Is it because we hang out too much for you? Do you wish we hung out less?”
It was true that they called almost every night at this point. Jayce liked it, looked forward to ending every evening with Viktor. He would’ve called him during the day too, if he wasn’t afraid of being too much and pushing him away. He’d even fantasized about sitting on a call in silence with Viktor in the afternoon while they worked on homework together, being able to look up from his homework whenever he wanted and see Viktor’s brow furrowed cutely in concentration on the computer screen as he read a textbook.
“No, Jayce. It’s—difficult to explain this to you, in a way you’ll understand. I don’t want to take away from your life.”
“You don’t.”
“I know, I understand. It would just make me happy to know that I’m not, to know that you’re happy with other parts of your life, too.”
“Okay.”
Jayce felt sad when the call ended. He started to doubt whether Viktor felt the same way about him. He tried to send him fewer photos and messages the following week, hoping Viktor would start to send more to make up for it, but he didn’t. When Caitlyn invited him for dinner again, he went. As soon as he accepted Caitlyn’s invitation, he messaged Viktor that he wouldn’t be able to play that night because he’d be getting dinner with a friend. Viktor heart reacted the message, and sent Jayce screenshots of his K/D/A from the games he played without him. The entire time he was with Caitlyn, Jayce wished they were playing together, but he tried not to look at his phone too much while she was there. She still noticed, though, made a comment.
“You’re on your phone a lot more than usual.”
“Oh. Yeah,” Jayce said. “Sorry.”
“Have you been talking to someone?”
“Yeah. Just an online friend.”
Caitlyn arched an eyebrow, but didn’t push, and he was grateful. It didn’t really feel right, saying ‘just an online friend,’ but Jayce knew that was all they actually were, for now.
“Have any plans for spring break?” Caitlyn asked.
Oh, that was right. Spring break was coming up.
“I was just planning on staying at the apartment. Watering the plants and stuff.” Ekko would be out of town. So would most people, visiting family or going on trips. But his mom only lived half an hour away, and he didn’t really want to do anything but play league at home with Viktor, so there was no reason for him to leave.
“You should do something fun,” Caitlyn said. “Get out of the apartment a little. I know you’ve been busy with school, but you could use a break. Even if it’s just a day trip, to do a hike or something.”
Caitlyn was telling him he needed to touch grass. She was probably right.
“Yeah, maybe,” Jayce said. “Do you have any plans?”
He tried not to check his phone while Caitlyn talked about the camping trip she and her girlfriend had planned.
…
ManofProgress: When’s your spring break?
GloriousEvolution: March 18-27. You?
ManofProgress: March 20-29. Have any plans?
GloriousEvolution: I’ll probably try grinding to hit Diamond. You?
ManofProgress: Staying home
GloriousEvolution: Maybe you can join me on my grind
Jayce looked at his phone.
ManofProgress: Can you play tomorrow night?
GloriousEvolution: Yes
ManofProgress: Cool
Jayce checked the cost of flights from San Francisco to San Diego. They weren’t that expensive. He checked his bank account. Jayce could cover half of it, if Viktor couldn’t afford it. Viktor never mentioned being broke on their calls, but Jayce watched him eat the same cheap ramen every night for dinner, and drink vodka and lemonade because ‘it had the highest alcohol content-to-dollar ratio.’ He figured it was better to ask him when they were video calling, so he could see Viktor’s reaction in real time, see if he got that look the others got when he was being too much. He didn’t want Viktor to say yes just because he felt pressured. He didn’t feel sure that Viktor would want to meet him in real life, even though they’d spent most nights of the last two months together.
…
“Ready for another riveting night of—,” Viktor reached forward, adjusting his webcam. He paused when he leaned back and saw Jayce’s face appear on the screen. Even through the slightly blurry video, he could see that he looked nervous. “Something on your mind?”
“Yeah, actually.”
Viktor thought back to their last week of interactions. Jayce had been a little quieter than usual lately. He hadn’t really thought anything of it, until now. “Have I done something to upset you?”
“No! Not at all. It’s just–I had a question I wanted to ask you.”
Viktor felt that cold, hard feeling in his gut again. He knew where this was going. He asked anyway. “What is it?”
“You know how our spring breaks overlap? Well, I was thinking—I’ll have the whole apartment to myself, since my roommate will be out of town, so if you wanted to visit, you’d have a place to stay.”
There it was. The offer. I’ll fly you out. Then we’ll have all the hot sex we’ve been talking about having on Discord, which I want to have with you, based on the very carefully curated images of you I’ve seen. Isn’t that what you wanted? Isn’t that what you said you wanted?
But then Jayce continued, “We wouldn’t even have to sleep in the same room or anything. I could even ask my roommate if you could play on his PC. He plays league too.”
Viktor blinked. “You want me to visit you…so we can play League of Legends together?”
Jayce nodded. “Yeah! We wouldn’t have to do anything else, if you’re uncomfortable with it.”
“Are you uncomfortable with it?”
“No, of course not.”
“Why do you think I would be uncomfortable with it?”
“I just don’t want you to think there’s pressure, or expectations, since you’d be staying at my apartment. I wouldn’t want you to feel trapped.”
“You would let me sleep at your apartment, for a week, just so we could play League of Legends in two separate rooms?”
“Well, I was hoping we could also maybe do some other stuff. Like go see a movie, or do a hike or something.”
Viktor looked down at his leg. “A hike.”
“Yeah, you know, something fun. They say touching grass is good for you.”
“Do you like hiking?” Viktor asked, evenly.
“Uh, well, I used to go hiking with my parents. I haven’t gone on one in a while, though. I just thought it might be fun to do something outside of the apartment.”
“So it wouldn’t have to be a hike?”
“No! It could be anything you want. We could go to a museum, if you’d like that better. I guess I don’t really know what sort of things you like to do besides gaming.”
“I don’t really do much besides gaming.”
“Well, maybe we could just sit outside at a park, and play a board game or something.”
“You want to play a board game with me in the park.”
Jayce nodded. Viktor knew, at this point, that this was not an elaborate scheme to get him into bed. Viktor knew, at this point, that if he showed up at Jayce’s front door, Jayce would welcome him into his apartment, and let him stay there for seven days, and probably make him food, and never mention sex, if Viktor didn’t bring it up first. And he would maybe be disappointed if they didn’t have sex, if he was still attracted to him at all when he saw him. But he wouldn’t treat him differently, if they didn’t have sex, despite the fact that the foundation of their relationship had been jerking off in front of each other over Discord. Because Jayce was very weird, like that.
“So?” said Jayce. “What do you think?”
Viktor pulled out the old excuse. “I can’t afford a plane ticket.”
“I thought you might say that,” Jayce said, and instantly sent a link in the discord chat. “There’s this website that has discounted flights. Also, I could pay for half of it, if that would help.”
Viktor looked at Jayce, looking at him hopefully. He was so—he had to bite him. He had to.
“I will think about it.”
“If the problem is the cost of the plane ticket, I have some old gaming consoles I could sell on Facebook Marketplace. Then I could pay for it.”
Viktor put his head down on his desk.
“Viktor?”
With his face in his arms, he muttered, “Don’t sell anything on Facebook Marketplace for me.”
“Does that mean you’ll come?”
“I’ll consider it.”
“You don’t really sound excited about it.”
Viktor looked up. Oh no. Jayce looked sad.
“I want to,” Viktor said. “That’s not the problem.”
“Oh,” Jayce looked relieved. “Good. I thought maybe you didn’t like me as much as I liked you.”
“No,” Viktor said. “That is not the problem.”
“Because I send you a lot more pictures and messages than you send me. I know it’s a lot though, so I’ve never really expected you to send as many back, the amount you send is fine, but I just wasn’t sure.”
“Please trust me when I say that is not the problem.”
“I also would, like, have sex with you, if you wanted to. If you visited me. Like, as much as you want. I’m down to—I would do whatever you wanted.”
Viktor turned his face back into his arms and groaned.
“Viktor?”
“I know,” Viktor said. “I know you would. That is the problem.”
“Why is that a problem? You’re being really confusing. You say you want to, but then you won’t tell me why you can’t.”
“I’m sorry, Jayce. You’re perfect. You’re perfect, and that’s the problem.”
Viktor ended the call.
A moment later, he heard the Discord notification.
ManofProgress: :(
Viktor sighed deeply, stood up from his gaming chair, and looked in the full-length mirror on his wall by the bathroom. He took off his clothes, looked at his deformed, twisted leg, turned around, looked at the unsightly scarring along his spine over his shoulder. He could send Jayce a picture beforehand, so he knew what he was getting into. So he could avoid watching the enthusiasm fade from his eyes when he saw Viktor's body in person for the first time. That would kill him, more than anything, seeing it happen in real-time. Seeing Jayce realize he’d invested all this time in someone who wasn’t what he’d expected at all. Viktor caught something in the mirror then, as he was looking at his spine. He saw his own eyes. He looked closer at them in the mirror. That was what Jayce had noticed about him. That was a real part of him, too. His body may be different in person, in the carefully selected slices he had chosen to reveal, but his eyes were the same as they looked on the webcam. Whatever expressiveness Jayce had seen in them had not been a performance. It had not even been something Viktor had realized about himself.
He put his clothes back on, sat down at his desk, and clicked the link Jayce had sent in Discord. The ticket was $129. Viktor checked his bank account. After rent was due, he would have a little under three-hundred dollars left.
GloriousEvolution: do you really want me there
GloriousEvolution: I am not perfect
ManofProgress: Yes!!!!
ManofProgress: I don’t care
ManofProgress: I’m not perfect, either, Viktor
ManofProgress: I don’t even know why you said that
Viktor put his face in his hands. Then he took his debit card out of his wallet and bought the ticket. This was either going to be the best or most humiliating week of his life.