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The bed creaks when Gyuvin gets up to use the bathroom. Gunwook stays where he is, staring at the ceiling with unsaid thoughts. He seems to be in his head a lot these days. There's something that has been bothering him about himself, that he hasn't troubled to tell anyone about. Not like he has many people to choose from when Gyuvin is his closest friend and also an apparent subject of this bother.
Gyuvin comes back quickly. He’s still tying the drawstring of his sweatpants when Gunwook watches him as he opens his mouth to speak. “Do you want tea? I think I’ll make some. Ricky’s coming over.”
Gunwooks eyes linger on the movement of Gyuvins fingers as they flawlessly slide around the strings, forming a beautiful bow.
Gunwook doesn't think for a second and he shrugs, his left shoulder still numb from where Gyuvin’s head had laid on it. Of course, Ricky was coming over.
Ricky was there many times when Gunwook was there, at Gyuvin's place. That's where Gunwook first met Ricky. Gyuvin invited Gunwook over one day after they had class together and Ricky showed up with his pitch black hair and clothes that Gunwook thought were way too classy for a hangout. Ricky had given Gunwook a curious look and asked him about how he got to know Gyuvin. Gunwook had answered his questions truthfully.
Since then, Gunwook has met Ricky numerous times. He’s met Ricky one on one, they’ve gone shopping together. Ricky has taken Gunwook to the basketball court to play against him when Gunwook had mentioned he likes sports. Ricky’s just fine, Gunwook had come to think.
Gunwook turns to look at Gyuvin, who stares at him with open eyes. Whenever he looks at Gunwook like that, he reminds him of a deer.
Sometimes Gunwook wonders what Gyuvin thinks about him. When Gyuvin lies on his shoulder with Gunwook's hand around his torso, their breaths mingling in the thick air. When Gyuvin's fingers tangle to Gunwook's hair, circling around single locks before he pulls away and pats the hair back into place. When Gunwook catches him staring and smiles and Gyuvin smiles back.
“Hmm?” Gyuvin hums because Gunwook didn't give him a proper answer. He walks closer to Gunwook, sitting down and leaning over his laying presence, head tilted to the side. Gunwook blinks at him until he musters up an answer.
“Sure,” he speaks. Gunwook isn't a big fan of tea. He doesn't mind drinking it occasionally, though. Ricky likes tea, especially when Gyuvin makes it for him. Gunwook doesn't understand what makes it so special if it’s made by Gyuvin. Or he tries to convince himself he doesn't. But he figures it comes with the romance that the two seem to carry wherever they go. It makes Gunwook's body ache.
Gyuvin nods at Gunwook, ruffles his hair and walks away towards the kitchen of his apartment. Gunwook is left to run a hand through his messy hair and slowly get up to follow him there.
———
It doesn't take long before Ricky arrives. He knocks on the door even though he has a key and Gyuvin asks Gunwook to open the door for him. So Gunwook does and Ricky immediately smiles when his eyes catch the Gunwooks, not his boyfriend, opening the door. Gunwook smiles back. “Hi, Ricky.”
Gunwook makes way for Ricky to step further inside and he hides his big hands on the sleeves of his (or was it Gyuvin's?) worn-out hoodie. It’s a contrast to Ricky’s black button up that Gunwook remembers him wearing the last time he saw him too.
“Hey, Gunwook.”
Ricky speaks with that voice that makes Gunwook's stomach flip. He doesn't know why he enjoys hearing his name from him so much. It’s something he doesn't want to think about, or something that he avoids thinking about. There are a handful of those things and an embarrassingly extensive amount of them relate to either Ricky or Gyuvin, and the rest relate to Ricky and Gyuvin, as a duo, as a couple.
Gyuvin walks out of the kitchen with a metal jar of tea leaves in hand, going in for a hug with Ricky. Gunwook watches from the sidelines as Ricky reciprocates the hug, smiling at Gyuvin in a way that would melt Gunwook if it was aimed at him.
“Rickyy~” Gyuvin speaks and draws out the y. “I’m brewing tea. Darjeeling, your favorite,” he smiles softly, though Ricky can't see it.
The two separate, and Gyuvin plants a peck on Ricky’s cheek before he heads back to the kitchen.
Gunwook stays where he is, feeling like he wants to bury himself in the wall behind, or alternatively onto the floor. Ricky turns to him when Gyuvin disappears from his sight and grins sweetly. It’s not the same smile he gave Gyuvin. Gunwook subconsciously smiles back. He can't control it.
Ricky takes off his shoes, something Gyuvin has made sure he does whenever he gets too far into the house in his outside shoes for Gyuvin's comfort. His Rick Owens look royal next to Gunwook's Sohos and Gyuvin's Air Jordans
Ricky leans closer to Gunwook, placing an arm around his shoulders and dragging him towards the living room as if it was Ricky’s own house. Gunwook only swallows and lets Ricky walk him there. They sit down next to each other on the couch, Ricky's arm never leaving his shoulder and soon enough Gyuvin comes in holding out two cups of tea, one for Ricky and one for Gunwook. They take their respective drinks and Gyuvin dips back to the kitchen to get himself a glass of a soft drink that Gunwook remembers the exact sugar content of, because Gyuvin always complains about it.
Gyuvin sits down on the other side of Gunwook and asks Ricky about his day. It's a generic question, but it seems to light Ricky up and he immediately starts rambling on. And the thing about Ricky is that he speaks with his hands, makes gestures to elevate the story. It causes his arm to fall from Gunwook's shoulder, leaving him missing the warmth it brought around his whole being.
Still, Gunwook listens attentively, laughing when Ricky tells them about the man who was buying his groceries in an outfit that definitely didn't match in color and pouting when he says that he saw a sick stray cat on the side of the street on his way to Gyuvin's. It goes on for a while, until the one-sided chat turns into a lighthearted conversation between all three of them.
When Ricky laughs at something Gyuvin says and pushes Gunwook's arm, Gunwook's skin feels like it burns under Ricky's fingertips. His eyes glue to the floor and he needs to clear his head so that he doesn't do anything stupid like look at Ricky’s laughing face and get lost in his smile or touch his hand just to search for that feeling again.
Ricky’s eyes find Gunwook's face and Gunwook just has to look back at him, as if by force. Ricky looks delicate and the smile that he throws Gunwook's way is so genuine that Gunwook wants to vomit. But he only smiles back, crooked, and flutters his eyelashes in a desperate attempt to stop his mind from wandering to dangerous seas.
The next subject of Ricky's gaze is Gyuvin, and Gunwook follows, seeing Gyuvin’s eyes moving between the two of them. He’s almost snickering, and it looks like his cheekbones might rapture if he keeps on stretching that smile of his any bigger.
Gyuvin's arm presses against Gunwook's, and it sends shivers down his back and dries his mouth. Gunwook watches as if in slow motion, how Gyuvin continues with a jab at Ricky and covers his mouth with his palm as he laughs. Ricky leans over to slap Gyuvin gently on the shoulder, which causes Gyuvin to take refugee nestling even closer to Gunwook's side. Warmth fills Gunwook's soul, it feels like.
Something about these two always makes Gunwook wonder what it would be like to be in love with someone who loves you back.
Because Ricky and Gyuvin love each other, and Gunwook loves Gyuvin, and he’s learnt to love Ricky, too. But he doesn't know if that's how it should go or how it should be.
He only thinks that there's something definitely wrong with his head and heart whenever he’s as much as in the same room as the both of them. The thread at the bottom of his stomach that has only gotten more and more apparent as time went on is almost unbearable. Yet, he doesn't know what to do about it.
Ricky and Gyuvin stop to stare at each other's eyes for a good while and Gunwook thinks they're going to kiss soon. He doesn't know whether to be terrified or excited, and when both of the options sound bad, he decides to just look down at his lap. But the kiss never comes, they don't even lean forward.
Gunwook hesitantly looks up to find Gyuvin's eyes on him. The entire apartment is silent now, except for the occasional noises of traffic and Gyuvin's neighbors mumbled conversation. Gyuvin’s eyes bore into his face and Gunwook needs to take a breather to calm himself down. While Gyuvin is smiling, there's a gleam in his eyes that Gunwook is almost afraid of. He suspects what it could mean, but he doesn't want to bring his hopes up.
Because he knows it wouldn't work. He’s never come across anyone like that. It’s not normal, and it’s disloyal, is what he's heard. And he almost believes it whenever he catches sight of Ricky and Gyuvin in a happy phase, going on a date to the park nearby as Ricky picks a flower to place behind Gyuvin's ear and Gyuvin gives soft kisses to Ricky’s hair when he lies on top of him.
They simply look so joyful together, so perfect. And Gunwook doesn't want to ruin that. He doesn't want to be a home-wrecker, as some sites would call him when he looked up something about this in the late hours of the night. He doesn't want to lose whatever he has with them now. He doesn't want his weird heart and weird feelings to break their friendship.
Gunwook suddenly feels the need to get away. He needs to get away before something happens. Something that can't be undone, something that would change their perception of the other for good. So he gets up under Gyuvin's piercing gaze and feels Ricky's eyes on him from the other side. He weighs his options, either he goes on the balcony or he takes the steps to the front door of the building. The balcony is quicker, and he needs fresh air now.
He takes hurried steps across the room, opening the door to the balcony in a quick act. He finally steps out, and the air hits the back of his throat when he takes a deep breath. It fills his lungs and Gunwook doesn't feel like suffocating anymore. He closes his eyes before he leans onto the railing. Over the 5pm traffic, he senses steps coming from behind him. Ricky, or Gyuvin. One of them has come to ask him what's wrong.
“Gunwook? Are you alright?” Comes Ricky's gentle voice. If Gunwook wasn't feeling all woozy, he would've been surprised by it being Ricky instead of Gyuvin, who came to look for him.
Gunwook takes another deep breath before he opens his eyes and turns to Ricky, who’s tall frame blocks the whole balcony entrance. Not that it’s that big, when Gunwook, too, had to bend down his neck to fit through. “Just fine. Felt lightheaded and needed some fresh air.”
Ricky nods at that, not fully convinced, but he knows better than to start questioning him. “We're worried,” he speaks with a tone that almost makes Gunwook spiral again. It’s serene and so, so Ricky. There are countless times Gunwook has heard it be used for Gyuvin.
Gyuvin appears behind Ricky, poking his head from over his shoulder to face Gunwook, too. And they're both there again. Gunwook stares at the floor in an attempt to calm his head. From the corner of his eye, he sees Gyuvin's arms circle around Ricky's waist, taking a hold of it around his gentle fingertips. And it brings Gunwook crazier, he thinks. He can't tell which one of them he wishes to be in this situation. To be Ricky, hugged by Gyuvin with so much love and no care in the world, or to be Gyuvin, hugging Ricky with so much love and no care in the world.
He leans back against the railing again, and shivers from the October breeze hitting his skin under his hoodie. Gyuvin sees it and mutters against Ricky’s shoulder, “Come back inside, it's cold.”
For a moment he hesitates, but ultimately Gunwook doesn't look up but takes a small, almost nonexistent step forward, towards the entrance. It's still covered with the two men and Gunwook doesn't want to get too close. Gyuvin leans backwards, likewise moving Ricky from blocking the entrance, letting Gunwook in. With faltering steps, he comes thorihg the doorway, leaving behind the chilled air of the outside. Then they stay close, all three of them. Gunwook closes the door behind himself and places an arm around his own form.
Gyuvin separates himself from Ricky, almost a pout on his face as he does. Gunwook doesn't miss it, nor Gyuvin turning to face him. “Come here,” he gestures, arms wide open for Gunwook to snuggle into his embrace.
Gunwook takes reluctant steps closer until he’s close enough to be ripped apart, his heart seized from his aching form and handed to Gyuvin as a present, wrapped in a cute little bow. Close enough to be hugged by Gyuvin's arms that feel too loving around him. Warmth emits from him and Gunwook gives up and places his own hand on the back of Gyuvin's shoulder. He feels something caress the back of his neck, and it turns out to be Ricky playing with the stray strands of hair that he hasn't had time to shave down.
Gunwook doesn't know where he fits, he really doesn't. He doesn't know how he fits, in what position his heart strangles itself to make stay next to two that are already bound. But he knows he loves it here, with Gyuvin's warm embrace cradling him like a newborn and Ricky’s soft fingertips playing on his skin, leaving him breathless.