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"Are you even an Alpha?"
Babe's voice still echoes in his ears. Charlie can't figure out why he's in so much pain. Is it because he's in love with Babe? Because Babe once admitted he loves him too? Because the team just laughed at him? Because Way just laughed at him? No. No, none of that feels right, because Charlie isn't the kind of sensitive person who gets upset over trifles. So why? Why is it hard for him to breathe? Why is his chest tight? Why do his eyes sting as if he is on the verge of tears?
Charlie knows how the people around him see him; he knows because he carefully crafted his Alpha image from the very start. It is a mask - a massive, elaborate mask, hiding his true essence from everyone and above all from Babe. In order to get close to him, to enter his life, Charlie had to be cunning, devious, and even underhanded. Had he been himself, Babe would never have let him near. So, after a little investigation, Charlie approached him in the guise of the person who now walks among the rest.
Sweet, puppy-like Charlie. Tall, thin, and nondescript at first glance. A bowl cut, like some schoolboy's. Large round glasses that visually narrow his face, making it look more rounded, soft, and even somewhat tender. His clothes are always light-colored, soft, voluminous, and oversized to make his build appear more fragile. A quiet voice, bright smiles, and wide, enthusiastic eyes. Charlie looks pliable, vulnerable, and huggable. He is the human equivalent of a golden retriever puppy. A cutie.
What no one knows is that this entire elaborate image is a lie. Even Jeff doesn't know everything, because he is Charlie's beloved younger brother, and Charlie has vowed to protect him - even from himself.
The real Charlie isn't cute at all. No one can go through Tony's 'upbringing' and retain their naivety and an open heart. Charlie is paranoid. Charlie is domineering, and his protective instincts are stifling. Charlie is controlling and quick to retaliate, because you can never leave a threat - potential or real, it doesn't matter - behind your back. Charlie is possessive and fiercely protective of what he considers his. If he had his way, he would lock Jeff, Babe, and the others in a bunker, hiding the key in his pocket. And no, that wouldn't be kidnapping. That would be providing security, and Charlie couldn't care less what others would call it.
But Babe wouldn't let someone like that get close to him. Arrogant, proud, cocky, with an inflated ego, yet so fragile, vulnerable, and full of fears inside, Babe would never let someone who looked like a threat near him. So Charlie hid his true self behind the mask of a clumsy, affectionate, good-natured, and somewhat naive fool who looked at Babe as if Babe had hung the sun, moon, and stars. For Babe, Charlie became a goofy, enchanted Alpha, begging for tenderness and attention, kisses and hugs. For Babe, Charlie started controlling his Alpha pheromones, reducing his scent almost to zero, and became the one yielding control in bed.
Babe loves sex, any kind, but especially in the passive role. However, that doesn't mean he likes it when someone controls him. No, at the slightest hint, his instincts rear up, and it doesn't end well. After Tony's pressure, life on the run, and constant pursuit, Babe hates the feeling of losing control. So Charlie has become the one who submits, who begs, who pleads. It's not that he doesn't like it - Babe is a fantastic lover - but it's a kind of limitation, and it annoys Charlie at times. Because initially, all of this may have started as a plan, a strategy, but he has fallen in love with Babe and now wants him for himself, forever.
For his true self.
But now he doesn't know what to do. Babe has just humiliated him in front of everyone because of another loss during practice. He walked up to him, looking so self-assured and commanding, running his nose down Charlie's neck, inhaling his scent, and loudly asking if Charlie was even an Alpha, since he was always losing and had no competitive streak. He was riding an adrenaline rush after his victory, smug and with a wide grin on his face, while Charlie stared at him with wide, surprised eyes and couldn't believe his ears; he couldn't believe the pain that suddenly and so quickly filled his heart.
What is he even doing? His goal was to get close to Babe and become part of his life, so he could intercept Tony's Enigma at any time, whoever they might be. The plan was to get onto the team and be able to constantly keep an eye on Babe, to be around him. Charlie had already achieved all of this by the time he became 'Babe's boy'. Why did he go any further? Why did he get attached to Babe, why did he allow himself to get carried away by him, and why did he allow himself to fall in love?
Babe's words were like a slap in the face, but not just on a personal level. They also made Charlie realize he had fallen into the trap he had originally set for Babe. Or rather, he is stuck in that trap with Babe, because if he shows his true self, Babe will push him away; and if he doesn't, everyone around will think of him as weak and spineless, and who knows what actions the Enigma Tony sent will dare to do because of this when they see and study him. Charlie needed to be 'Babe's boy' for a while, and then stay on friendly terms with him and become his teammate. What did Charlie do instead? He got so infatuated with Babe that he lost his mind and vigilance.
"Charlie?"
Charlie jerks out of his thoughts and looks up. Babe stands in the locker room doorway, and... he looks strange. He's no longer smug and arrogant. He looks at Charlie uncertainly. His lips are pursed, and anxiety splashes in his eyes. He looks as though he's holding himself back from walking over and pulling Charlie into a hug. Charlie doesn't understand what this means, and he definitely doesn't want to think about how long Babe was watching him while Charlie was sitting on the bench with his head down, his fingers nervously buried in his hair.
Pathetic. Charlie really is pathetic, isn't he? Well, perhaps it's finally time for him to stop being that way - for the sake of both of them.
"P'Babe," he responds with a calmness he doesn't feel. "Why are you here? Weren't you supposed to go with P'Way to the showroom?"
Babe looks at him for a while, peering into his eyes, and then sighs and walks into the locker room.
"I was going to, but Jeff... Jeff intercepted me and said..."
Babe falls silent. Uncertainty slips into his gaze again. Charlie barely restrains himself from rolling his eyes, because of course Jeff didn't leave it alone. He was the only one who didn't laugh at Babe's words, looking at him with displeasure instead. What Charlie didn't expect was that Jeff would approach Babe and - what? Point out his mistake, his rudeness? Force him... God, did Jeff really tell Babe to go and apologize? Even more surprising, did Babe really—
"Sorry," Babe's quiet voice pierces the silence hanging between them. "I don't... It was just a joke. Maybe not a very good one, but Jeff got so angry that..."
Ah. Of course. Babe doesn't understand. He apologizes, but only because Jeff told him to. He doesn't realize how hurtful his words were, because it's Babe, Pit Babe, and he's used to humiliating the Alphas around him, putting them in their place when they claim to be his equals. Because they're not. Babe is rich, successful, famous, and he is the best racer of the last decade. The fact that he prefers to be the bottom partner in bed means nothing. Babe is the most hot-tempered, arrogant, and unapologetic Alpha of them all, and his competitive nature is so strong that it's almost ridiculous.
In his opinion, he didn't say anything 'strange' to Charlie. He told him what he had told many Alphas before, but this time it didn't seem rude to him - just a mocking provocation, because they are in a relationship. Babe probably just wanted to provoke Charlie into whining, pouting, or another race. Babe always falls for provocations, Winner is proof of that, so he probably thought that Charlie would fall for it too. He could hardly have wanted to offend him or hurt his pride. And yet he did it, simultaneously shattering Charlie's rose-colored glasses and finally opening his eyes to the truth.
"It's all right, P'Babe," Charlie says, rising from the bench and tugging at the hem of his oversized gray sweater. "Actually, it's even good that you said it. It made me think about a few things, and... I think we should break up."
Babe freezes. His whole body tenses, his eyes widen, and he looks at Charlie as if he can't believe what he's just heard. His face rapidly pales - although, perhaps, it only seems that way, because the lighting in the locker room is bright, white, and blinding.
"It will be for the best," Charlie continues, looking away at his gym bag. "You're constantly being pestered about our relationship, right? And P'Alan's reputation as a team owner was tarnished by rumors that one can get onto the team through bed. In addition, we both often get distracted from training because of it. You can afford it thanks to your skills, experience, and heightened senses, but I need to work hard if I want to achieve anything."
"Charlie..." Babe exhales, sounding as if someone had punched him in the stomach.
He looks as though he wants Charlie to be quiet.
But Charlie is not going to keep quiet. In fact, the more he talks, the more he realizes that the thought that popped into his head is quite sensible. Yes, he loves Babe - loves him so much that he would die for him - but those feelings have blinded Charlie, have distracted him. He'll be able to love Babe from a distance, just as he'll be able to care for him without being around twenty-four/seven. It'll also save them both from a huge headache born from the fact that Babe is a real disaster in relationships.
Babe isn't used to taking care of anyone other than himself, and he's not used to softening his words or opinions. He's quite an uncompromising and self-centred person, and Charlie may understand this, but that doesn't mean he likes it. Mostly because Babe doesn't take care of himself and doesn't allow Charlie to do it, which often leads to arguments. Usually after that, Babe avoids him, unable to apologize, and Charlie is forced to look for words and pretexts to get close to him again, worrying about both their relationship and his plans to protect Babe.
"It's okay," Charlie says, just in case, still looking anywhere but at Babe. "We'll still see each other here at the garage. If you need help, I'll always be there, I promise."
"What are you talking about?" Babe asks, his voice weak, but with a note of something emerging that Charlie cannot identify. "Charlie, you... Do you want... Do you want to break up?"
Charlie pauses for a moment, realizing there is pain in Babe's voice, and then shrugs awkwardly.
"No," he admits hesitantly, but honestly. "I don't... I don't want to break up, P'Babe."
"Then why are you suggesting it?" Babe asks, with an anger much more familiar to Charlie, taking a sharp step forward and trying to catch his gaze. "Didn't you tell me you loved me? You started talking to me about freaking kids three seconds after I asked you to be my boyfriend! And now, because of some stupid joke, you're talking about breaking up?"
"But it's not a joke, is it?" Charlie smiles wryly, finally meeting Babe's gaze, his heart shrinking at how desperate Babe looks despite the anger flaring up inside him. He is completely unaware of why Babe looks like his heart is breaking. "I really don't look like an Alpha: I'm weak, I don't like competition, and I don't even have a normal scent. Moreover, I'm also penniless, without a house, without... well... there's nothing special about me. You deserve better, P'Babe. Someone successful and strong. Someone who can spoil and protect you."
A strange expression appears on Babe's face. It's unfamiliar to Charlie, but he's perfectly aware of what he just said, so he quickly corrects himself.
"It's not that you can't protect or spoil yourself," he says hastily. "You're Pit Babe. Sure, you can get whatever you want and whoever you want. You don't have to depend on anyone. Your life is your choice, just as your freedom belongs to you and only to you."
The strange expression on Babe's face doesn't disappear. In fact, everything gets worse when it transforms into an expression of undisguised pain, despair, and longing. Babe takes a step forward, then freezes. His fingers clench into fists with such force that his knuckles turn white. Charlie would think he is going to get a blow in the jaw if Babe's eyes weren't starting to redden. It sends shivers down Charlie's spine and makes his palms go cold. No. No, no, no. He definitely didn't expect to see tears gathering on Babe's eyelashes when he brought all this up.
"... Did you talk to Way?"
That... is not what Charlie expected to hear. He blinks, giving Babe a confused look, and awkwardly shifts from foot to foot, wanting to step up and touch him, to hug and console him, but also realizing that at this moment, given the situation, it would be completely inappropriate.
"What?" he asks instead, with a nervous gesture adjusting the glasses that he never really needed. "What does P'Way have to do with this?"
"Because you speak his words!" Babe explodes. His emotions are as volatile as ever, and now he flushes with anger, his tear-wet eyes blazing as he grabs Charlie by the collar of his sweater, shaking him with all the force of his formidable muscles. "He says it all the time! That I would be better off alone. That I can't trust anyone. That family is a burden, that relationships are a threat! He says relationships distract me, make me weak, and that people only want me because of my looks and status! And now you say the same thing!"
Charlie has never liked Way, but he has never felt the urge to hit him. However, at this second, the urge to do so overwhelms him with such force that it becomes difficult to breathe.
Charlie knows Way is in love with Babe. Everyone around knows this, because only a blind person would miss it. However, never did Charlie think Way could be so mean-spirited - that he could play on Babe's fears and insecurities, forcing him to push away potential boyfriends out of a desire to have Babe all to himself.
What do they say about a dog in the manger? Way had so many damn years to confess to Babe and try to build a relationship with him. Instead, he's been beating around the bush all this time, simultaneously forcing Babe to push away other people. It's no wonder Way hates Charlie. After all, Charlie was the only one who ignored his veiled threats and stayed close to Babe. What's more, Babe also became sincerely interested in him, so much so that they are dating now.
"P'Babe," Charlie calls softly, gently placing his fingers over Babe's, which are still clutching his sweater. "I don't... P'Way has nothing to do with this, I just..."
"Then why?" Babe interrupts, and the tone of his voice changes again, filling with desperate longing. "Why are you doing this? You said you love me, that you understand me, that you see me! So why are you so blind? If I wanted to be alone, I would have stayed alone, but I don't want to be! I'm tired of being alone, tired of dealing with everything by myself, and tired of being strong! I want a relationship, I want a loved one, and I want a home! I want to have someone I can trust, and when you came into my life, I thought... I... But now you say that you want... that you..."
When Babe starts to choke up, Charlie can no longer stand aside, even if he's stunned by this sudden emotional torrent. Easily pushing Babe's weakened hand away, he leans forward and hugs him, almost engulfing him. Babe doesn't even try to break free. Instead of continuing to yell and get angry, or trying to punch Charlie and walk away, slamming the door behind him, he presses himself into Charlie, hugs him tightly by the shoulders, and buries his face in Charlie's neck. His cheeks are wet, sobs break out a moment later, and heaven knows how Charlie hates himself at this moment, because the last thing he wanted to do was bring Babe to tears.
And at the same time... everything inside Charlie blooms with bright flowers of hope as he feels Babe clinging to him with all his might. It's a bit selfish, but... Charlie didn't expect this. He thought Babe would agree to the breakup. Perhaps there would be reproaches. Perhaps there would be a venomous diatribe. Perhaps Babe would say a lot of nasty words, the overall gist of which would be that Charlie was unworthy of him anyway. Charlie didn't expect Babe to have a breakdown in response to his suggestion to break up; he didn't expect to hear his panic-filled accusations; he didn't expect to see and feel his tears.
"He loves me," Charlie realizes, gently rocking Babe, whose fingers are digging into Charlie's shoulder blades with a near-obsessive desperation. "P'Babe really loves me."
This shouldn't be shocking, and yet it is. It's not that Charlie thought Babe was incapable of love, but Babe is a truly free spirit who set his boundaries clearly from the start. He didn't let Charlie get too close even after they started dating, so Charlie rightly assumed it was some kind of experiment on the part of Babe, who had never been in a relationship before. Current events prove this is not the case, and Charlie's last doubts fade away when...
"I love you," Babe murmurs barely audibly into his neck, pressed so tightly against it that it will be a wonder if his features don't imprint on the skin like a bruise. "I love you, Charlie. I don't... I said something stupid, but you know what I'm like. Alphas are always arrogant and dumb, and I can't stand them. I blurted it out without thinking, because I wanted to tease you, but I didn't… I didn't mean to insult you, and I didn't want you to start doubting me, or us. You're the best Alpha. You're my Alpha. And even if you're pretending, you are enough for me - what you give me is more than enough."
Charlie freezes. His palms go uncomfortably cold, and sweat emerges on the back of his neck when he hears those words. Babe feels his tension and pulls away, but just to look into his eyes and smile wryly.
"What? You thought I didn't notice what you were doing?" he snorts. "I wasn't born yesterday, Charlie. Many have tried this trick to get closer to me. You hold back. You are pretending to be sweet and approachable so I don't feel like you challenge me. You pretend you're not jealous at all and don't want to punch every Alpha who flirts with me at the bar, because you think I'll be turned off by your possessive nature."
Charlie exhales convulsively. Maybe, just maybe, Babe exists to give him heart attacks. Charlie doesn't even want to think about what kind of hysterics Babe will fly into if he finds out who Charlie really is and why he initially approached him. On the other hand, Charlie shouldn't have forgotten that Babe was Tony's favorite son and had received the best training. Sure, he noticed subtle nuances in Charlie's behavior. There are things that can't be hidden if you know where to look, but Charlie has no regrets about the truth coming out. Better this truth than the other. Plus, Babe clearly took this favorably, so there's a chance Charlie won't need to suppress his true self so much in the future.
"I just didn't want you to think that I considered you my property," Charlie admits openly, placing his palm on Babe's cheek and gently stroking his cheekbone with his thumb. "I know we're dating, but I don't... If you want someone else, I..."
"Stop talking," Babe interrupts irritably, frowning and looking at him indignantly. "I suggested we date for a reason. I may have slept with many Alphas before you, but that doesn't mean I'm some kind of slut. I know what loyalty is, Charlie. I chose you because I want to be with you, not to cheat behind your back."
"But I really have nothing to offer you," Charlie reminds him.
Babe snorts loudly and flicks him on the tip of the nose.
"Shut up, you idiot. If anything, I have nothing to offer you."
Charlie blinks, then frowns and looks at him incredulously.
"You can't be serious, P'Babe."
"I am serious," Babe shrugs, looking away, trying to hide his obvious uncertainty. "What do I have besides my body? There's nothing interesting about me. I don't even understand what you like about me."
"Your smile?" Charlie offers, still looking at him incredulously. "Your laugh? Your bedhead when you wake up in the morning and groan into your pillow because you don't want to get up? Your grumbling and scrunched-up expression before your first cup of coffee? The way your eyes light up when you get behind the wheel of a race car? The way you're dedicated to your craft and how you passionately give your all during training? Your loyalty, honesty, kindness, and willingness to always help out? Your concern for P'Alan and the rest of the team, and..."
Charlie doesn't finish because Babe silences him with a kiss. A deeply frowning Babe. Yet also a very flushed Babe, whose cheeks are no longer red with anger, but dusted with a pink blush. Charlie knows that blush well. It's the blush of embarrassment that appears on Babe's cheeks every time Charlie says something romantic. It's not like he was trying to be romantic now. He just told the truth, so why...
"Stupid puppy," Babe mutters, breaking the kiss and pressing his forehead to Charlie's. "Stop being so sentimental and talking nonsense."
"It's not nonsense," Charlie counters. "You're wonderful, P'Babe, and I don't understand how you can't see it."
Babe looks like he wants to argue, but changes his mind at the last second. Instead, he stares into Charlie's eyes for a while, and then, as if resigned to his fate, he shakes his head and buries his face back in Charlie's neck with a sigh. Charlie thinks he feels the imprint of words on his skin, left by Babe's lips - something like, "Of course, you started talking about kids then. No wonder." But he's quickly distracted by a kiss left under his ear and a quiet, hesitant whisper:
"I don't... I don't want to break up, Charlie. Please..."
Charlie's arms wrap tightly around Babe before he realizes the meaning of what he heard. Pulling Babe close, he presses his lips to his temple, leaving a soft, reciprocal kiss there.
"Sorry, P'Babe. I don't want to break up with you either. I shouldn't have talked about it. I love you, so much. I just... I thought that maybe I wasn't enough for you, but you didn't know how to tell me that, and..."
"You'll always be enough," Babe cuts him off, digging his fingers into his shoulder blades again, pressing him tightly to his chest. "I don't want anyone else, Charlie. I chose you for myself. You are my Alpha. Forever."
Charlie doesn't know what awaits them both in the future, and he doesn't know if this 'forever' will come true, but what he knows for sure is that he is ready to fight for it with all his might. Feelings are a weakness, but feelings are also a strength. He understands this in this moment, when Babe's words make his heart race like a sports car hurtling toward the finish line. Way, the unknown Enigma, Tony's thugs, Tony himself: Charlie vows to himself that he can handle anything to protect Babe and what they have. For Babe - for his smile, his happiness, and his freedom - he will do anything.
"I love you, P'Babe," he repeats quietly, promising and swearing it, pressing his lips to Babe's temple again.
"I love you," Babe echoes, pressing his lips to Charlie's neck again.
This conversation isn't over yet. They'll definitely have to discuss many of the nuances of their relationship when they return home. But for now, it doesn't matter. For now, it's enough that Babe is in his arms. In Charlie's mind and heart, in the depths of his Alpha nature, for the first time since the end of that blatantly failed training, peace and quiet finally settles in.