Archive of Our Own

Before Buck even had the Jeep in park, the front door on the house flew open. Eddie ran outside, wearing nothing but a pair of gray sweats hanging low on his hips. He sprinted towards the Jeep, leaving the door wide open behind him.

Any other time, his shirtless, gray-sweatpants-wearing husband would’ve made all of the blood in Buck’s body rush south.

But today…today was different.

Today was special.

Buck wasn’t thinking about how hot Eddie looked without a shirt. He wasn’t thinking about what Eddie could possibly be wearing (or not wearing) underneath those gray sweats or how sexy his hair looked on his days off, free from the gel that he used to slick his hair back when he was on shift.

No, Buck was only thinking about the message Sarah had sent them both almost an hour ago. He knew that was the exact reason Eddie was running to meet him at the Jeep now.

“Buck!” Eddie exclaimed, a huge grin on his face. “Did you see it?!”

Buck climbed out of the Jeep, a grin of his own splitting his face. “I saw it!” Buck shouted, moving to meet Eddie halfway. “You saw it?!”

Eddie slammed into him, wrapping his arms around Buck’s neck. Buck slipped his arms around Eddie’s waist and lifted him off of his feet, spinning them in a circle. The sound of Eddie’s laughter pulled an excited laugh out of Buck.

“I saw it too, baby!” Eddie answered.

A sonogram. Sarah, their surrogate, had sent them the results of her first sonogram. She was officially ten weeks pregnant with their baby.

For the last six months, they’d been working closely with a surrogacy agency to start the process of having a baby.

It was a long process — extensive medical and psychological exams, background checks, endless paperwork — that eventually led them to Sarah.

Sarah was a soft-spoken, down to earth young woman who’d first started her surrogacy journey after her twin sister had been unable to conceive. It was during that time she’d fallen in love with being a surrogate and being able to help couples who couldn’t have children.

Buck and Eddie had instantly fallen in love with Sarah.

Now, she was ten weeks pregnant with their baby.

Buck had looked at her text with an hour left in the school day, which had been his mistake because after that, he couldn’t focus on anything else. His students hadn't minded getting to watch a movie for the rest of the day, though.

Buck set Eddie back on his feet, resting his hands on his waist and pulling him in until their chests were pressed together.

“Can you believe it?” Eddie breathed, lifting his gaze to Buck’s. His eyes flicked between both of Buck’s.

Shaking his head, Buck let out a breathless laugh. “I – I’m not sure it’s really sunk in yet.”

Eddie draped his arms over Buck’s shoulders and teasingly pinched the back of his neck. “You’ve got nine months, baby. Nine months for it to sink in that we’re having a baby.”

“Oh my god, we’re going to have a baby,” he breathed, still not sure if this was real life or not. “We’re having a baby!”

Eddie nodded, a soft smile pulling at his lips. He tangled his fingers in the curls on the back of Buck’s head. “We’re having a baby,” he echoed.

Buck leaned in and pressed his mouth to Eddie’s, giving his husband a passionate, bruising kiss. He didn’t care that they were standing in their front yard or that Eddie was half naked.

All he cared about was the fact that he and Eddie were having a baby. They were going to have the family they’d dreamed about since they first got together.

Sometimes he couldn’t believe this was real. That he got to have the life he only ever dreamed about – a husband that loved him, a kid he already loved more than he’d ever thought possible. And now, they got to add another child to their family.

Buck was already a dad. He’d been parenting Chris pretty much from the second he’d met the kid.

But there was something so special about having a biological child of his own. Not because he loved Christopher any less — he loved that kid with every beat of his heart — but because he got to be there from the beginning. He got to see every milestone. Getting to hold them as a newborn, hear their first words, see their first steps.

Laughing breathlessly when they finally broke apart, Buck laced his fingers with Eddie’s, pulling him back toward the house.

“Have you told anyone yet?” Buck asked.

Eddie shook his head. “No. I didn’t want to tell anyone until we talked about it first.”

Buck guided Eddie through the front door, shutting it behind him. He dropped his work bag onto the floor and slipped his shoes off.

“We should tell Chris first,” Buck said, following Eddie into the living room. Eddie dropped onto the couch on his back, pulling Buck down with him. He settled on top of Eddie, tucked between his legs.

“Absolutely,” Eddie murmured. “He’s going to be so excited.”

Buck beamed, resting his chin on Eddie’s chest and looking up at him through his lashes. “Do you think he wants a baby brother or a baby sister?”

“I don’t think it matters to him, honestly. I think he just wants a baby sibling,” Eddie answered. He ran his fingers through Buck’s hair, letting his hand rest on the back of his neck. “Someone who is apparently better at building Legos than I am.”

Buck snorted. “That kid is ruthless when it comes to Legos.”

“It’s a serious business apparently,” Eddie chuckled. He traced mindless shapes on the back of Buck’s neck. “Are you hoping for a boy or a girl?”

Buck thought for a moment. “I’d be happy with either. I just want a healthy baby.”

Eddie hummed. “Me too.”

“We should go out tonight,” Buck whispered. “Chris is at Hen and Karen’s tonight, why don’t we go out and celebrate? And then we can tell Chris the news tomorrow when we pick him up.”

“My pretty husband wants to take me out for dinner?” Eddie smirked. “Just me, you, and the baby?” He pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened up the text thread with Sarah, clicking on the photo of the sonogram. “Us and our little strawberry?”

Buck’s heart skipped a beat.

Our little strawberry.

What else was Buck supposed to do besides kiss Eddie stupid?

When they came up for air, Buck laid his head on Eddie’s bare chest.

“Why are you shirtless?” he mumbled. “And this is not me complaining. Not even in the slightest. Matter of fact, I think you should be shirtless more often.”

“Well, I had good intentions on getting a workout in,” Eddie giggled, “but then that text from Sarah came in and every other thought flew out the window.”

Buck laughed. “No, me too. I didn’t get anything done in the last hour of work. My students loved it.”

“Oh my god, we’re having a baby,” Eddie breathed, like the realization had just hit him all over again.

A giddy grin split Buck’s face again. “I can’t wait to go baby shopping.”

“Are we going to find out the gender?” Eddie murmured. “Or keep it a surprise?”

“I’ve always kind of liked the idea of keeping it a secret,” Buck answered, still smiling. “Being surprised on the day they’re born.” He sat up then, pushing up from the couch and standing. He stretched his hand out towards Eddie.

Eddie grabbed it, going easily as Buck yanked him up. “Me too. Shannon and I didn’t know Chris was going to be a boy until he was born.”

Buck threaded their fingers together and started towards their bedroom. “Did you have any suspicions that he was a boy?”

“I didn’t,” Eddie said. “Shannon always said she felt like he was a boy, but we didn’t actually know until he was born.” Eddie flopped onto the bed, resting an arm behind his head. “Are you going to pick an outfit for me, baby?”

Wandering over to the closet, Buck nodded. “If that’s okay with you.”

“Make me look hot,” Eddie answered.

“You always look hot,” Buck argued, rifling through the closet for a shirt.

“You’re going to look so hot holding our baby in those beefy arms.”

Buck looked at Eddie over his shoulder, cheeks turning red. “Beefy arms?”

Eddie nodded, a smirk on his face. “Just as beefy as those glorious thighs.”

“Glorious?” Buck snorted. “Any other random adjectives you’d like to use to describe my body?”

“Hmm, let’s see.” Eddie thoughtfully tapped his chin. “Those striking blue eyes that make me weak in the knees. Those marvelous curls that I love to pull so much. That colossal dic—”

Buck choked. “Eddie!”

Eddie laughed. “What! You wanted me to describe your body! Don’t get all shy on me now, baby.”

Pulling out a cream quarter zip, Buck took it off the hanger and tossed it over to Eddie. “You can’t flirt with me right now. We’ll never make it to dinner.” He grabbed a pair of jeans and threw them to Eddie.

“But I love flirting with you,” Eddie argued, standing up and shimmying out of his sweats. “You love when I flirt with you.”

Buck’s eyes darted down to Eddie’s waist. Tight black boxers sat snug against his skin.

So that’s what he was wearing underneath the sweats.

“Eyes are up here, bud,” Eddie teased, slipping into the jeans. “If I can’t flirt, you can’t ogle.”

Buck turned back to the closet, biting back a smile. “Ogling my husband was one of my marital vows. I’m just honoring them.”

Eddie tugged the sweater over his head, rolling the cuffs up. “Hmm, I don’t recall you saying anything about ogling me when we were at the altar.”

“It was implied,” Buck shot back. He turned around, holding up two different shirts. “Which one?”

Eddie looked between them. “The blue button-up. Matches those striking eyes.”

Buck’s cheeks flushed. “Flirt with me after dinner. On our way home. When we’re on our way to bed already. You can flirt with me all you want then.” He took the blue shirt off of the hanger and threw it onto the bed before grabbing a pair of khaki slacks. “Deal?”

Eddie sauntered over, a devilish smile pulling at his lips. “Oh, trust me. I will. I plan to. Gonna get you nice and spread out underneath me tonight.” He brushed his hands along Buck’s jaw and pulled him into a heated kiss.

Buck was completely powerless against his husband, especially when Eddie did that thing with his tongue that drove Buck completely—

Then, he pulled back, patted Buck twice on the cheeks, and crossed back over to the dresser. He picked up his bottle of cologne, spritzing some on his chest.

“C’mon, Mr. Diaz,” Eddie teased. “We’re supposed to be going out for dinner. Get dressed.”

Buck took a deep breath before tugging his shirt over his head and throwing it at Eddie.

Eddie caught it, held it up to his nose, and inhaled Buck’s scent off of it. “You smell so good all the time.”

“Oh my god,” Buck breathed. “I can’t be in the same room as you right now. Leave. Get out. I can’t be held responsible for my actions if you stay in the room.”

Eddie held his hands up, crossing the room to the door and laughing. “Nice to know that I can still get you all hot and bothered.”

Buck scoffed. “As if you’ll ever not get me hot and bothered. Kind of the risk I took when I married the hottest man on the face of the planet.” He put his arms into the sleeves of the button up, shrugging it up onto his shoulders.

“What a coincidence,” Eddie faked a gasp, “I also married the hottest man on the face of the planet! And I love him so much!”

And Buck couldn’t help it.

He crossed the room over to Eddie, pushed him against the wall, and kissed his husband again.

____________________

“Okay, if we have a girl, what are your top three names?” Eddie asked, taking a sip from his beer glass. “I’ve got a couple in mind, but I want to hear your choices first.”

They were at a casual oceanside bar, sitting on the covered deck that faced the beach. Two sweating beer glasses sat on the table. In the distance was the sound of the ocean lazily washing against the shore. The sun was still high above them, but was slowly beginning its descent toward the horizon. A light breeze cut through the air, making it comfortably cool.

“Top three girl names,” Buck echoed. He tangled his ankle with Eddie’s under the table. “I’ve always liked the name Stella. I know it sounds old, but there’s something so classic about it. And Iris. And the third one…” Buck thought for a moment, taking a quick sip of his beer. “Okay, it’s technically two, but they’re kind of the same.”

Eddie smiled. “I’ll allow it.”

“Okay. Either Claire or Clara.”

“Yeah,” Eddie murmured. “Those are good names.”

“What about you?” Buck asked. “What are your top three girl names?”

“Stella, Iris, and Claire-slash-Clara,” Eddie answered.

Buck shook his head. “No, you said you had some in mind. You can’t just use the same three I chose.”

“And why not?” Eddie argued, wrapping his hand around his glass. “They’re good names. That pretty little brain of yours chose three pretty names.”

Buck’s cheeks turned red. “Okay, fine. Your top three boy names.”

Eddie sat back, moving his shoe against Buck’s ankle. “Dominic. Theo. Conrad.”

“Well, that was fast,” Buck chuckled.

“I’ve been thinking about baby names since we first started talking about having a baby,” Eddie said.

Buck felt a smile tug at his lips. He was so excited to raise a baby with Eddie — his best friend, the love of his life.

“I really like Theo for a little boy,” Buck murmured.

Eddie leaned forward across the table, extending his hand out to Buck. “Theo Evan,” he said softly.

Buck’s breath caught. He lifted his hand to Eddie’s, grabbing it loosely. “You’d – you’d want my name to be our baby’s middle name?”

“Yeah,” Eddie confirmed. “It’s a good name.”

For a moment, Buck couldn’t find any words.

Then he said, “I really like Clara Isabel for a girl.”

Eddie stilled. “Isabel?”

Buck nodded, squeezing his hand. “Yeah. After your abuela.”

Eddie let out a breath. “Really?”

Buck nodded again. “Yeah. Of course. I know how much she means to you. If we have a daughter, it would make me really happy if she got to carry Abuela’s legacy with her.”

Letting out a breathless laugh, Eddie lifted Buck’s hand to his mouth and kissed the back of it. “You sure are something, my sweet Evan.”

A moment later, their waiter delivered the food they’d ordered and brought fresh glasses of beer. The sky was beginning to turn pastel, orange and pink spreading through the clouds like cotton candy.

Buck lifted his sandwich to his mouth and took a bite, chewing slowly while he thought.

“Okay, next question,” he said after he swallowed. “What about a nursery?”

Eddie furrowed his brows, tilting his head. “I’m…pro…nursery?”

Buck snorted, nearly choking on the sip of beer he’d just taken. “No, sweetheart. I mean, how should we design the nursery?”

“Oh!” Eddie picked at his French fries, popping one into his mouth. “If it’s a boy, farm animals. If it’s a girl, princesses, because she’d be our little princess.”

“I like it,” Buck said, swirling his beer around his glass. “But if we’re going to keep the gender a surprise, we should do a gender neutral nursery, right? Because it would have to be ready before we bring our little strawberry home.”

“Oh, yeah. You’re right.” Eddie smiled. “Maybe we should do a strawberry-themed nursery, for our little strawberry.”

Buck laughed, warmth rushing through him. “That is perfect. Oh my god, Eddie, that is perfect!”

“I can just picture it,” Eddie started, “green walls, little strawberry decorations, cute little strawberry-printed crib sheets.” He lifted his glass to his mouth and sipped. “Maybe we can do—”

CRACK!

A loud, echoing noise split the air around them. Buck flinched, squeezing his eyes shut as something warm and wet sprayed across his face. Something on the table shattered. He wasn’t sure if it was one of the beer glasses or a plate. On instinct, he ducked down, lifting his arms over his head.

Some other people sitting on the deck made sounds of surprise.

After a moment, Buck opened his eyes, blinking against the fading sunlight. “What the hell was that? I don’t—” he looked up.

Eddie wasn’t in his seat anymore.

“Eddie?” he asked, confused.

And then he looked down, his entire body going cold.

Eddie was lying on the ground, slumped on his side. Underneath him, a pool of blood was spreading out from his body.

Buck was frozen at the sight. It…didn’t make sense. Just a second ago, Eddie was sitting in his chair across from Buck and talking about the strawberry nursery for their little strawberry and now…

Was Eddie the one bleeding? Was he lying in a pool of his own blood?

This didn’t make sense.

As Buck stared at his husband, bleeding on the deck, Eddie slowly — so slowly Buck could hardly notice — reached his hand out towards Buck. It couldn’t have been more than an inch, but that tiny movement spurred Buck into action.

He pushed his chair back so fast that it tipped over backwards, crashing to the deck. He dropped to his knees and crawled over to Eddie.

“Eddie,” he breathed, “oh my god, Eddie. What the fuck. What the fuck.” He looked up at the nearest person with wild eyes. “Call 911! Now!”

Blood spread across the right shoulder of his cream sweater, stark and vivid against the light fabric. It pooled underneath him, dripping between the cracks of the deck. Buck thrust his hands forward, slamming his palms down against the wound. Eddie cried out, clenching his eyes shut.

By now, restaurant staff were ushering the other patrons off the deck and into the building. A waiter yanked a white tablecloth off one of the tables and brought it over. Buck grabbed it and placed it on Eddie’s shoulder before pushing his palms back down.

“Hey, stay with me,” he begged Eddie. “Stay with me, sweetheart. Hang on. You gotta hang on.”

Eddie was already turning pale. He slowly, weakly turned onto his back, a little whimper of pain slipping out of his mouth. Buck went with him, never taking his hands off of him.

“Eddie, Eddie, stay with me,” Buck demanded. He could feel his hands shaking against his husband’s body. “Help is coming, okay? I’ve got you, sweetheart. I’ve got you.”

Dazed, Eddie blinked a couple of times at the sky. Then, he turned his gaze to Buck. He weakly reached a hand up to Buck’s cheek, brushing his thumb across it.

“A-are you…hurt?” he choked out, like it had taken all of his energy to say those three words. His eyes wide, trying to fight back against the pull of sleep.

Buck looked down at Eddie’s hand. There was a smear of blood on his thumb, presumably from Buck’s face.

He shook his head. “No, no. I’m good. I need you to hang on, Eddie. Please hang on.” He looked up at the restaurant staff that still remained on the deck. “Did anyone call 911?” he screamed in their direction.

“Yeah, p-paramedics are on the way.” The girl that answered him couldn’t have been older than eighteen, terrified and shaking.

Buck turned back to Eddie. “You hear that, sweetheart? Help is coming, okay? Just a little bit longer.”

Eddie nodded. His eyes drooped. Blood seeped into the tablecloth, hot and sticky under Buck’s palms. He could feel more pulsing out of the gunshot wound with every beat of Eddie’s heart.

“You were — sweetheart, tell me more about the strawberry themed nursery,” Buck begged, desperate to keep Eddie’s eyes open. His stomach twisted violently as the light slowly faded from the deep, warm brown eyes Buck loved so much.

A deep cough wracked through Eddie’s body. His face twisted with pain, sweat beading along his hairline and upper lip. Every breath he took turned more rapid. More shallow. There was almost no color left in his face anymore.

“Eddie, talk to me about the nursery,” Buck said again. “You said we would paint the walls green, right? A-and strawberry crib sheets for our — our little strawberry, right, baby?”

A breathless laugh slipped out of Eddie. “That’s — that’s m-my n-name for you.”

Tears sprang into Buck’s eyes. “I know. I know it is. And I love it. Every time you call me baby, I feel so special.”

“You. Are,” Eddie gritted out. “L-love you s-so much, babe—baby.”

It sounded like a goodbye.

Raw, hot terror coursed through Buck’s veins. “Eddie, hang on. You have to stay with me, you have to stay for Chris, and — and for our baby! Our baby that we just found out about, sweetheart. Remember, Theo Evan or — or Clara Isabel?” he pleaded.

Eddie gasped for breath, his eyes completely unfocused and glassy. His skin was nearly translucent.

“Eddie, please,” Buck continued. His heart beat unevenly in his chest. “Please. Please stay with me.”

“The paramedics are here!” Someone shouted.

A minute or two later, a team of first responders ran onto the deck, led by the restaurant manager.

“Buck?”

Buck looked up at the familiar voice.

Chimney.

The 118 had been dispatched to the scene.

“Ch-Chim, you gotta — you gotta help him,” he begged, not taking his hands off of Eddie. “He was shot, I don’t k-know how it happened.”

Hen and Chimney dropped to their knees on either side of Eddie.

“Okay, you can let go now, Buck,” Hen said gently, gathering gauze out of her medkit. “We’ve got him, okay?”

Buck shook his head. “No, I can’t. I can’t let go, he’ll — he’s bleeding a lot, Hen.”

“I know,” Hen answered, “but we’ve got him, alright? Let us help him. Chim and I are very good at our jobs, you have to trust us.”

A hand landed on Buck’s shoulders. He glanced at it before looking up at the owner.

“Buck, c’mon kid.” Bobby stood behind him with a soft look on his face, trying to coax him up. “They’ve got him. They’re gonna take care of him.”

Chim placed an IV in the top of Eddie’s hand. “Running the line wide open.”

Buck turned back to Eddie, gazing down at him. Eddie’s eyes had slipped shut at some point.

“Hey, hey!” Buck shouted. “Open your eyes, Eddie! Look at me!”

Hen looked up at Bobby, nodding her head slightly.

Suddenly, an arm was wrapped around Buck’s midsection. He was pulled backwards, not aggressively, but it was so unexpected that it threw him off balance anyway.

“No, no!” Buck screamed, fighting against the hold on him. “Let me go! Let me go! He needs me!”

Bobby pulled him back another step. Hen had already cut Eddie’s quarter zip to expose the wound and start packing it. Chim slipped an oxygen mask over his mouth.

“Buck, hey,” Bobby said, speaking gently. “Hen and Chim are taking care of him, alright? You have to let the paramedics do their job. They’re trained for situations like this, you’re not.”

“Ravi, get the gurney in here!” Chim shouted. “Bring the lifepak!”

“Let me go, Bobby!” Buck screamed, clawing at Bobby’s arm. “My husband — he needs me!”

“Buck, Buck!” Bobby shouted. “They need room to work. Giving them space is how you can help him, okay?”

Buck watched, almost detached, as Eddie’s work partner wheeled the gurney over to Eddie’s still body. Ravi set the lifepak on the ground, quickly peeling the backing off of the electrodes and placing them on Eddie’s body.

“Blood pressure’s dropping,” Hen reported. “His axillary artery was nicked. He’s lost a lot of blood. We gotta move him! Stay with us, Eddie!”

“Oxygen down to 89 percent. Pulse is weak!” Chimney added. “Ravi, help us get a backboard under him!”

They worked quickly, getting a backboard under Eddie and lifting him onto the gurney.

And then, they were rushing the gurney out to the ambulance.

Buck stood frozen with Bobby’s arm still around him. His entire body was shaking. He couldn’t seem to catch his breath as he stared at the pool of blood that Eddie had just been laying in.

Eddie’s blood.

With the amount on the deck, it was hard to believe that Eddie still had any in his body.

“Buck, hey,” Bobby said softly. He dropped his arm from around Buck’s waist and stood in front of him. “Let’s go. You can ride in the rig with him.”

Buck blinked once, then twice. “We were…it was just dinner. We were having dinner.”

“Now’s not the time,” Bobby said. “We can talk after we get him to the hospital, alright?”

“Al-alright.” Buck let Bobby lead him out to the ambulance, helping him into it and guiding him down onto the bench near Eddie’s head. The doors slammed shut after that and the ambulance was screaming towards the hospital.

Hen and Chim continued to work on Eddie — constantly checking his vitals on the lifepak monitor, packing his wound with fresh gauze when it became too blood-soaked.

Buck stared at Eddie’s face. Half of it was covered with the oxygen mask, fogging up with Eddie’s shallow exhales. Slowly, he reached out and grabbed Eddie’s hand.

It was ice cold.

“Bobby!” Hen shouted to the front of the rig, where Bobby had slid into the passenger seat of the rig. “Radio the hospital, tell them they need to prepare for a massive transfusion!”

“Sweetheart,” Buck whispered, leaning down, ghosting his lips against the back of Eddie’s limp hand. “Hang on. You’re going to be okay. I’ve got you. I love you, Eddie. I love you so much.”

“Hospital is two minutes out!” Ravi shouted from the driver's seat.

“You’re in good hands, Eds,” Buck continued to whisper to his husband. “Your team is here. The best in LA. I wouldn’t trust anyone else with your life. You’re gonna be okay.”

As Ravi pulled the rig into the ER entrance, the lifepak suddenly started beeping frantically. It made Buck’s stomach drop out from beneath him.

“He’s crashing!” Hen exclaimed. “Blood pressure bottomed out!”

“No pulse! Starting compressions!” Chim jumped on top of Eddie, hands clenched into fists. He drove them into Eddie’s chest, over and over and over.

Buck choked on an inhale.

No pulse.

No pulse.

That meant Eddie’s heart had stopped altogether.

Which meant—

That meant that—

Eddie was dead. His husband was dead. Eddie’s heart stopped beating and he was dead on the gurney while Buck still held his hand.

“Hen, what can I do?” Buck asked, voice shaking and thick with tears that wouldn’t fall. “How can I help?”

“Stay out of the way, Buck. That’s how you can help,” Hen snapped. She reached into the medication drawer and pulled out a syringe. “Pushing epi!” She inserted the needle into the IV in Eddie’s hand.

The ambulance doors were ripped open. Bobby and Ravi grabbed the end of the gurney and started pulling it out. Buck’s hand was ripped out of Eddie’s. A trauma team was already running to meet them, ready to rush Eddie into an OR.

“Still no pulse!” Hen cried as the gurney was lowered onto the blacktop of the hospital driveway. “Pushing another round of epi!”

“We’ll take over compressions!” a doctor shouted.

Chimney didn’t stop giving Eddie compressions until a member of the trauma team was standing on the gurney rail, hands hovering over Chimney’s. As soon as Chimney pulled his hands away, the nurse took over.

Buck hadn’t even realized he was moving, following after Eddie and the doctors, until someone grabbed his arm and stopped him.

“Buck, you can’t go back there,” Chimney said.

The double doors the doctors had just gone through swung shut in his face.

“But — but they have Eddie,” Buck protested weakly. “They have my husband. I need to — I should be with him.”

Chimney nodded solemnly. “I know, Buck. I wish you could be with him too, but right now, the doctors will take really good care of him. We can go sit in the waiting room, and as soon as they’re done, you can be with him again, okay?”

Buck didn’t answer. He couldn’t look away from the stark white doors in front of him. The doors Eddie had disappeared behind.

Did the doctors get his heart beating again? Was he still dead?

Was Buck a widow after less than a year of marriage?

It would make sense. Nothing good Buck ever had lasted.

And Eddie had been the very best. The very best of Buck, his better half. The one person that would always choose him, that would always love him unconditionally. The one person that actually believed in Buck’s ability to be a parent and wanted to have a family with him.

And now…

Buck shook his head, his eyes screwed shut.

No.

No, Eddie wasn’t dead. He refused to believe that Eddie was dead. The doctors would get his heart beating again, they’d get the blood pumping through his veins, and they’d fix the gunshot wound in his shoulder.

They had to. Buck wouldn’t survive it if they didn’t.

“Evan?”

Buck blinked, turning towards Maddie’s voice. “M-Maddie? What are — what are you doing here?”

Her eyes were filled with tears. She had a tote bag slung over her shoulder. “Hey, baby brother. Bobby called me.” She reached a hand out, circling his wrist with her fingers. “Come with me. Let’s get you cleaned up.”

“No, I — I need to stay in the waiting room, Maddie. I need to wait for the doctors,” Buck argued.

“You can’t sit in the waiting room like this,” Maddie said, starting to pull him behind her. “We’ll be quick, and then you can go back to the waiting room. I’ll be with you the entire time, Evan.”

“This isn’t necessary, Mads. I’m fine. I didn’t — I didn’t get hurt.” Buck’s chest felt tight, like his lungs wouldn’t expand fully to take a deep breath.

Maddie opened the door to the private bathroom, pulling Buck through before shutting and locking it behind them. She went over to the sink and turned the water on.

“I know you didn’t get hurt, Evan. And I’m so grateful you’re okay,” Maddie murmured. She drew her eyebrows in the way she always did when she was trying not to cry. “I’m so sorry about Eddie. I can’t imagine—” she cut herself off, shaking her head.

“He’s not dead, Maddie,” Buck protested. “He’s gonna be okay.”

Maddie nodded, forcing a weak smile. “Yeah. Yeah, the doctors are going to do everything they can.” She grabbed a wad of paper towel and wetted it. “C’mere. Let me wash that off of you.”

Buck looked over at her. “Wash what off?”

Before she could answer, Buck stepped up to the mirror. He stood, frozen, staring at his reflection.

He was covered in blood.

Across his face — his cheeks, his forehead, his chin, his neck. The front of his shirt was splattered with red.

After a minute, he blinked. Looking down, he realized his hands were the worst of it. Blood had dried between his fingers and underneath his nails. His khaki pants were stained scarlet.

He let out a breath. His hands started shaking.

“Evan,” Maddie said softly. She put a hand on his forearm and squeezed. “Look at me.”

Buck couldn’t tear his eyes away from the mirror. There was blood on his mouth, smeared across his lips.

“It’s — it’s Eddie’s,” he whispered. Slowly, he brought his thumb up to his face and brushed it across his cheek. The blood didn’t smear, already dried against his skin. “This is my husband’s blood.”

Maddie tugged his arm forward, pulling his hand under the stream of water. “I know, Evan.” She reached across him and grabbed his other hand, putting it under the water next to the other one.

“Eddie’s in surgery,” Buck continued, like he was just beginning to understand. Like the blood on his hands was the visual reminder he needed to comprehend what had actually happened.

“He is,” Maddie confirmed, using the tip of her index finger to scrub at the dried blood on Buck’s knuckles. She was being so gentle with him that it made him want to cry.

“I should — I should call Chris,” Buck mumbled. “He should know. He should — he should be here. Eddie’s his dad. I should call him, right?”

Maddie shook her head. “Let’s take care of you first. After we talk to the doctors, we can get a hold of Christopher.”

Buck dropped his gaze down to the sink, watching the pinkish water swirl down the drain.

“We’re pregnant,” he whispered.

Maddie stilled. “W-what?”

“We’re having a baby,” he said.

Maddie turned her head away from him. She made a soft, wounded sound. “You guys are having a baby?”

Buck nodded, almost mechanical with the movement. “Sarah just sent us the ultrasound today. She’s ten weeks along.” He smiled weakly, lifting his eyes back up to the mirror. “We were — we were out celebrating when — when he —”

Maddie didn’t let another second pass before she had her arms wrapped around Buck. She pulled him in close, and like a child, he melted into it. He tucked his face into the crook of her neck and let out a shaky breath.

“I’m sorry,” Maddie murmured, her voice thick with tears. “I’m so sorry, Evan. I’m so sorry.”

For a long time, Maddie held him. He wasn’t quite sure if it was for his sake or hers, but he didn’t care either way. The hug was just nice after the horror of the evening.

Eventually though, she pulled away. Without a word, she went back to wiping the blood off of his skin. She softly scrubbed at his face, dragging the paper towel over his cheeks, forehead, and chin. Buck just stood there and let her.

“Okay, all done,” she whispered, throwing the wet paper towel into the garbage. She gestured to the tote bag on the floor. “I brought you a change of clothes.”

Buck looked up at her. Her eyes were bright red and glassy, tear tracks cutting down her cheeks.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

She shook her head. “This isn’t about me, Evan.”

“But you’re crying,” he argued.

“Because I’m sad. For you and Eddie. For Christopher.” She hesitated, fresh tears welling in her eyes. “For your baby.”

“Well, Maddie — Eddie’s going to be fine,” Buck said, though it sounded wrong in his ears. “He’s going to pull through because he’s strong and he’d never leave. Not when he’s going to be a dad again.”

Maddie’s face scrunched up, like she was trying desperately to hold back her tears. “Yeah. He wouldn’t do that.”

Buck nodded. “He wouldn’t. He’s — he’s a good man. An amazing dad. Our baby is so lucky.” He smiled. It felt wrong on his face. “We already picked a name. A boy name and a girl name.”

“Already?” Maddie asked weakly, turning her head away from him and wiping her cheeks. “You just found out today and you already picked names?”

“Mhm,” Buck hummed. There was a buzzing under his skin, like little insects were marching through his veins. “And we picked out the nursery theme.”

“Jee is going to love having a baby cousin,” Maddie said softly, her voice shaking. “They’ll get to grow up together.”

“They’ll be best friends,” Buck added. “Chris, Jee, and the little strawberry.”

Maddie made a sound of distress. “The little strawberry?”

Buck looked up at her and grinned. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror; he looked manic. “That’s what Eddie called our baby. Our little strawberry.”

Unshed tears collected in his eyes. He blinked them away before they could fall.

“We should — should we get back out there?” Buck asked. “I don’t want to miss the doctor.”

Maddie stepped forward, grabbing his wrist in a gentle hold. “Evan, are you okay?”

Buck rolled his lips. “I’m fine, Maddie. I’ll be better once Eddie’s out of surgery and awake, but I’m okay for now.”

“Buck…”

He shook his head. “I’m fine.”

A look of resignation crossed Maddie’s face. “Okay.” She nodded, as if trying to convince herself that she believed Buck. “Alright. Why don’t you change then and we can head back to the waiting room?”

Buck quickly changed into the pair of jeans and the hoodie Maddie had brought for him. Instead of shoving his blood-stained clothes into the tote bag, he walked over to the garbage bin and shoved them inside.

A moment later, he stepped out of the bathroom. Maddie was waiting right outside the door for him.

“Better?” she asked. There was still a faint tremor in her voice.

Buck reached out, grabbed her hand, and squeezed it once before dropping it again. “Better. Thank you.”

As he walked back toward the waiting room, he missed the look of despair that crossed Maddie’s face.

____________________

Buck’s knee bounced restlessly. He wrung his hands together, cracking his knuckles every few minutes. He’d been alternating between leaning forward in his chair with his elbows braced on his knees and slouching deep in the chair.

By now, hours had gone by. Buck wasn’t quite sure how many, but it felt like he’d been sitting in the waiting room for an entire day. A whole twenty-four hours without any updates about his husband.

Maddie sat next to Buck, glancing at him every thirty seconds. Chimney sat next to her, holding her hand so tightly that his knuckles were white. Hen and Athena sat side-by-side, quietly conversing every so often, but mostly sitting in silence. Ravi and Bobby sat across from them, both of them staring off into the middle distance.

“Should I call Pepa?” Buck asked suddenly, turning his head towards Maddie.

She shook her head. “Bobby got a hold of her a while ago. She’s on her way with his abuela.”

“Oh.” Buck swallowed around the lump in his throat. “Good. Okay. That’s — how long does a surgery like this usually take? It feels like it’s taking way longer than it should be.”

Chimney blinked hard. “It can take a long time, Buck. This isn’t unusual.”

“Oh. Okay.” He turned back towards the doors where Eddie had disappeared earlier. “I should call Chris, right? He should know what’s going on. I mean, Eddie’s his dad. He should—”

Maddie set a hand on his knee. “Chris is nine years old. He doesn’t need to know what happened until you know the extent of things.”

“You’re sure?” Buck asked.

“I’m sure,” Maddie confirmed.

A few minutes later, Tía Pepa and Abuela stepped into the waiting room. Both of them had red-rimmed eyes, tear tracks making trails down their cheeks.

Buck stood up on shaky legs. “Tía. Abuela.” He crossed the room to them and gave each of them a hug. “H-how are you?”

Abuela waved him off. “Evancito, do not ask about us. How are you?”

“Captain Nash told us you saw the whole thing happen,” Pepa cut in. “I’m so sorry, Evancito. I can’t imagine. I—” she shook her head, covering her mouth with a palm to stifle a sob.

Shaking his head, Buck forced a smile. “I’m okay. I’m looking forward to a doctor coming out and telling me what the hell is going on because the silence is starting to drive me insane.”

Abuela nodded. She set a hand on his shoulder. “Mi madre always said that no news is good news. If something had gone wrong, they would come tell you.”

Buck smiled. “I’ll try to remember that.”

It was then that a doctor stepped through the doors, wearing a solemn expression. She made her way over to the waiting room, taking one step inside.

“Family of Edmundo Diaz?” she asked.

Buck lifted his hand, rushing over to her. “I’m Eddie’s husband, Buck.”

She gave him a small smile. “I’m Dr. Torrez. Would you come with me, please?”

Buck gave her a strange look. His stomach started churning, bile trying to crawl up his throat. “Uh, we’re all — everyone here is family. Whatever you have to say, you can tell all of them too.”

Shaking her head, she said, “I’d rather we spoke somewhere private. If someone would like to come with you, they are more than welcome.”

Giving Dr. Torrez a confused smile and unsure of what to do, Buck felt a hand land on the small of his back. He glanced over and saw Maddie standing beside him.

“I’ll come with you if you want,” she murmured.

“Uh, y-yeah. Sure,” he responded. He looked at Dr. Torrez again. “Lead the way.”

Following the doctor down a long, quiet hallway, she held the door open to a small consultation room. Buck walked into the room. There was a small, round table that sat in the middle of the space with five matching chairs around it. Maddie stepped around him, pulling out a chair and sitting in it.

Dr. Torrez sat in a chair across from Maddie. She gestured to an empty chair. “Would you like to have a seat, Mr. Diaz?”

Buck shook his head. “No, thank you. I’m good like this.”

She nodded and smiled at him. “Okay. As I mentioned, my name is Dr. Torrez,” she started, “I was the primary surgeon on your husband’s team.”

“How is he?” Buck asked, unable to stand not knowing any longer. “It seemed like the surgery took a r-really long time.”

Dr. Torrez nodded. “It was a very difficult surgery. As you know, your husband suffered a gunshot wound to his right shoulder and sustained some damage to the axillary artery. We were able to repair the damage to the artery and control the bleeding.”

“Oh, good,” Buck said. “Good, that’s — that’s good.”

“However,” Dr. Torrez continued, “Edmundo—”

“It’s Eddie,” Buck interrupted. “He goes by Eddie.”

“Alright. Thank you for telling me.” Dr. Torrez smiled warmly, folding her hands together and setting them on top of the table. “Eddie experienced significant blood loss due to the artery damage, which caused him to go into cardiac arrest during transport.”

“Yeah, I know. I was there.” Buck rubbed his hand across his forehead. “Look, can I see Eddie? Please? It’s been a long night and I just really want to see my husband.”

Maddie sniffled. “Evan…”

Dr. Torrez waited a moment before she spoke again. “Mr. Diaz, your husband’s body went through a major trauma. We were able to restart his heart and control the blood loss, but I am very concerned about his vitals. Even after multiple units of blood, his blood pressure has not stabilized. It was still critically low.”

Buck shook his head, not really understanding what she was saying. “What does that mean? Is he — he’s alive, right?”

“Yes, Eddie is alive. But he is in extremely critical condition. Between the gunshot wound, the blood loss, and the cardiac arrest, his body went through an enormous amount of trauma.” She paused, taking a breath. “He’s currently sedated and connected to a ventilator so his body has a chance to heal without the added stress of breathing. But I am very concerned, Mr. Diaz,” she said quietly. “If there is any family that should be here, I would call them now.”

Maddie let out a sob. Buck whipped his head in her direction, frowning at her.

“Eddie’s family is in Texas,” he argued, flicking his gaze back to Dr. Torrez. “I’m not going to make them come all the way out here. We can just call them after he wakes up.”

“I understand this is very difficult,” Dr. Torrez said. “I’m only asking you to call his family because we’re not sure what the next several hours are going to look like. We’re worried he may not survive the night.”

Everything around Buck narrowed into a small tunnel. Blood started roaring in his ears. He shook his head.

“No, that — that doesn’t make sense,” Buck argued. “He was just — earlier today, he was so happy. So full of life. What you’re saying doesn’t make any sense.”

Maddie put her palm over her mouth, trying to contain her sobs.

Dr. Torrez stood, taking a step in his direction. She clasped her hands together. “We’re going to do everything we can to help your husband, Mr. Diaz. But I’d be doing you a disservice if I wasn’t honest with you. You should call his family.”

“No, I’m not calling them. Not yet. I — can I just go see him, please?” Buck pleaded. “I would feel a lot better if I got my eyes on him.”

Dr. Torrez glanced at Maddie, then turned back to Buck.

“Of course,” she said. “I can show you to his room.”

Buck nodded, a little quicker than he meant to. “Thank you.” He looked at Maddie. “I’d like to be alone with him, if that’s okay.”

Maddie’s face crumpled even further. “Buck, I don’t think you should be alone right now.”

“I’m not going to be alone, Maddie. I’m going to be with Eddie,” he retorted. “Please. I’ll be fine.”

For a second, she didn’t respond. Then, she nodded. A slow tear tracked down her cheek. “Okay. If you’re sure.”

A moment later, Dr. Torrez was leading him down another long, glaringly bright hallway toward the ICU. The buzzing under Buck’s skin seemed to intensify the closer he got to Eddie’s room, like wasps trying to sting their way out of his body.

“He’s right through here,” Dr. Torrez said, coming to a stop in front of a closed door. “I’ll give you some time. If you need anything at all, just use the call light.”

“Thank you.” He barely got the words out before he was opening the door and stepping through. The door clicked shut behind him.

His gaze landed on Eddie. His heart missed a beat, stealing the breath from his lungs.

Eddie’s skin was so incredibly pale. There were so many tubes and wires connected to him — an IV, the ventilator, the blood transfusion, ECG leads stuck to his chest, a pulse ox on his finger.

Buck stood frozen by the door.

That wasn’t Eddie.

His Eddie was warm and light and vibrant. Full of life, love, and endless energy.

That wasn’t Eddie.

As he stared at his husband lying unmoving, Buck felt his chin start quivering. Tears sprang into his eyes, collecting along his waterline, but not falling.

Slowly, he made his way over to the bedside. The ventilator hissed as it breathed for Eddie, forcing air into his lungs.

Buck reached out and grabbed Eddie’s hand. He flinched at the coldness of it.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he whispered shakily. “I’m not sure I really like your doctor.” He let out a weak laugh. “She’s kind of a downer. She doesn’t believe in you. Not like I do.”

Buck lifted his gaze to the monitor reading Eddie’s vitals. The little green numbers flashing on the screen didn’t make a lot of sense to him, but he could figure out the basics.

His blood pressure was only 68/35.

As quickly as he looked at it, he turned away from the monitor.

“Prove her wrong, Eddie,” Buck choked out. “Please prove her wrong so we can laugh at her one day. We can laugh at how wrong she was about you while our kids play in the backyard, okay? I think that sounds really nice, don’t you?”

Eddie didn’t answer. He didn’t even move.

And that is what finally broke him.

A loud sob, raw and ugly, clawed its way up his throat and out his mouth before he could stop it. His knees gave out and he fell backwards into one of the bedside chairs. He pressed his forehead to the mattress, still clutching Eddie’s hand in his.

“Please,” he begged, tears streaming down his face. “Please come back to me, sweetheart. Please come back to me.”

Somewhere behind him, he heard the door open and click shut again. Someone crossed the room and put a gentle hand on his back, rubbing circles across it.

It didn’t matter. He didn’t care who it was.

All he cared about was pleading with Eddie, bargaining with anyone who would listen — the doctors, Eddie himself, whatever higher powers were out there — to give his husband back to him.

____________________

Buck wasn’t sure what time it was. All he knew was that the sun had risen some time ago and Eddie’s vitals still hadn’t improved.

His blood pressure was still dangerously low, hanging around 71/42. His heart rate was 133.

All night long, Buck had gone between watching Eddie and staring at the monitor behind his husband's bed. With burning, scratchy eyes, he’d watched every number, every fluctuation, every little bit of hope when the numbers climbed, only to be crushed a few minutes later when they dropped again.

He hadn’t slept at all. Dr. Torrez had been in and out of the room a handful of times and every time before she left, she’d said, “you should get some rest, Mr. Diaz. Depriving yourself of sleep isn’t going to help him.”

He’d never answered her. Never even looked at her.

Behind him, he heard the door open again. A moment later, it clicked shut and somebody was crossing the room over to him.

“Good morning, Buck,” Bobby said.

Buck didn’t answer. His mouth and throat felt dry, like somebody had stuffed it full of cotton.

“Any updates?” Bobby asked as he sat in the chair across from him.

Buck shook his head. “No. Same as last night.” His voice was rough. “Dr. Torrez said she’s going to try a different vasopressor, see if that’ll bring his pressure up.”

Bobby nodded. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but you should go home and rest, Buck. I’m going to be here most of the day, so he won’t be alone.”

“No.” Buck instinctively tightened his grip on Eddie’s hand. It was still much colder than it should have been. “I’m not leaving.”

“Okay,” Bobby conceded. “I understand.”

They lapsed into silence, only the beeping of the monitor and the hiss of the ventilator filling it.

Then, Buck remembered.

“Shit, Christopher,” he muttered, standing up suddenly. He started for the door. “I haven’t — I didn’t talk to him yet, I—”

Bobby stood up, rounding the end of the bed and grabbing Buck’s shoulder.

“Buck, we took care of it,” Bobby said.

Buck froze. “What? Who — who told him?”

“Nobody told him what happened yet,” Bobby reassured. “We didn’t feel it was our place, but Hen and Karen took the boys out for pancakes. They’re going to come by after that.”

“He’s coming here?” Buck breathed.

“Yes.” Bobby gently steered Buck back to the chair he’d just vacated and guided him down. “Eddie’s abuela and his aunt Pepa are supposed to come back at some point this morning too.”

“What do I tell him, Bobby?” Buck whispered. Tears sprang into his eyes. “How do I tell Christopher that his dad is — is…” he trailed off, muffling a sob behind his palm.

Bobby sat down beside him. “Just tell him the truth, Buck. No matter how difficult the truth is.”

“He’s nine. He’s only nine years old.” A tear slipped over his waterline, cutting down his cheek. “How do I — he shouldn’t have to see his dad like this.”

“Maybe he can wait to see his dad until his grandparents get here,” Bobby reasoned.

Buck snapped his head in Bobby’s direction. “What?”

“I called Helena last night,” Bobby said. “After Athena and I went home for the night, I gave her a call and told her what happened. I know it probably wasn’t my place, but they should be here.”

Buck’s chin quivered. “He’s their son.”

“They were going to get on the next available flight. Sophia and Adriana are coming with them.”

“Thank you,” Buck mumbled, “for calling them. I was…last night, Dr. Torrez said I should call his family and I couldn’t even think beyond the end of my nose. So thank you for doing that.”

“It’s what family is for, Buck.” Bobby reached an arm out and wrapped it around Buck’s shoulders. “All of us, we’ve got you. No matter what happens.”

“He’s going to be okay, right?” Buck whispered. He lifted his gaze back to Eddie, then to the monitor. Eddie’s blood pressure had dropped to 69/40. “I can’t — I don’t know what I’m going to do if he’s not.” Desperately, Buck turned to Bobby, pulling out his phone and showing him the sonogram. “We’re having a baby. Bobby, I can’t lose my husband at the same time we just found out our surrogate is pregnant.”

Bobby stilled, staring at the phone screen.

“We just found out yesterday,” Buck gasped, turning the phone around so that he was looking at the sonogram. He smiled a wobbly little grin at the image. “Our little strawberry. That’s what Eddie called the baby. Our little strawberry.”

“Your little strawberry,” Bobby echoed, a soft smile on his face. “Congratulations, Buck. Being a dad is the best job in the world.”

“I can’t wait.” Buck turned to him. “But I don’t want to do it without Eddie. This is — this is supposed to be our family. Ours. I can’t do this without him.”

“Buck, I don’t know if you’re religious or not,” Bobby started, pulling rosary beads out of his pocket, “but I believe in a God that is righteous and loving. I will pray to him for Eddie’s health and for that little strawberry of yours.”

Buck nodded, unsure of what else to do. “Thank you,” he whispered.

They lapsed into silence after that. Bobby prayed with his rosary beads and Buck prayed to his husband.

____________________

Hen and Karen arrived at the hospital an hour later.

Bobby walked with him to the waiting room. Buck froze one step into the waiting room and glanced around the room. It was full of people that loved Eddie.

Hen and Karen. Maddie and Chimney. Abuela and Tía Pepa. Athena, who was then joined by Bobby. Chris was sitting in a chair beside Denny, watching as Denny played a game on his Switch.

Maddie jumped up and crossed the room, pulling him into a hug.

“Hi, baby brother,” she whispered. “How ya doin’?”

Buck melted into the hug, tucking his face against her neck. “Not—” his voice broke. “Not great.”

Maddie tightened her hold on him. “Did you get any rest?”

He let out a weak laugh. “Don’t make me answer that.”

Pulling away from the hug, Maddie wrapped her hands around his forearms. “Buck. You need—”

“I know, I need to rest,” Buck finished for her. “I can’t right now, Maddie. Eddie needs me to be here.”

Her eyebrows drew in, her face crumpling. “He needs you to be healthy, Evan.”

Buck shook his head. “I have to — I have to talk to Christopher.” Before she could say anything else, Buck stepped out of her hold and walked over to Chris, stomach twisting with dread.

He knelt down in front of Chris’s chair. “H-hey, Superman.”

Chris looked at him, a giant grin on his face. “Hi, Buck! Denny’s playing Super Mario! He’s fighting Bowser in the castle right now!”

Buck wanted to cry. “That’s — that’s awesome, Chris. I bet you two had a lot of fun last night.”

Chris nodded. “We did, didn’t we, Denny?”

Denny didn’t look up from his game. “Chris beat me in Mario Kart both times. I think he had more fun than me because losing is not fun.”

Buck exhaled through his nose. “I guess all those Mario Kart tournaments we have at home really paid off.”

“We should do that again! I beat you and Dad every time!” Chris exclaimed. Then, he frowned. “Wait. Where’s Dad?”

Buck’s smile faltered. He took a deep breath, forcing his emotions down. “Y-your dad, uh, he — he got hurt last night, Chris.”

Chris frowned. “Hurt? Like you did in the tsunami?”

“Yeah, kinda like I did in the tsunami,” Buck answered.

“But he’s okay, right?” Chris asked.

Buck blinked. He opened his mouth to answer, but nothing came out.

“Because you got hurt, but then you got better,” Chris continued. “The doctors made you better.”

“The doctors are doing everything they can to help him, buddy,” Buck finally said with a shaking voice. “They’re taking really good care of him.”

“Can I see him?” Chris asked. “I — I want to talk to him.”

Buck dropped his head, looking at the ground. It suddenly felt hard to breathe. He bit down hard on the inside of his cheek, the taste of iron flooding his mouth.

After a moment, he looked back up. “We — we can’t talk to him right now, Chris. He’s really…sick and the doctors have him hooked up to something they call a ventilator. It helps him breathe, but that means he can’t talk right now. He’s sleeping, which will help him get better.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, can I see him then?”

“Not — not right now. I’m sorry, Chris,” Buck murmured. “They don’t allow kids in the ICU. But I’ll tell him you stopped by. I’ll tell him how much you love him.”

The expression on Chris’s face was a mix of anger and sadness. “I want to tell him I love him. I don’t want you too, Buck. I want to.”

“I know,” Buck agreed. “I know you do and I’m sorry that you can’t—”

“No!” Chris exclaimed. “I want to see my dad!”

Buck flinched, surprised by Chris’s outburst. He was aware of everybody’s stares on them, which only made his stomach twist further.

“I-I’m sorry,” Buck mumbled, tears welling into his eyes. “I can ask his doctor. I’ll see if she can make an exception, okay?”

Chris nodded. He leaned forward in his chair and wrapped his arms around Buck’s neck. “I’m sorry. I love you, Buck.”

Buck didn’t hesitate to engulf him, pulling him close. “I love you too, Superman. Don’t you ever forget that. I love you so much.”

He wasn’t sure how long he stayed crouched on that floor, wrapped in a hug with Christopher, but he didn’t move until he felt Chris pull away.

Once he checked with Hen and Karen about Chris staying the night with them again, which they had already decided on before Buck even had to ask, Athena asked to speak with him. She led him out into the hallway outside of the waiting room.

“Is everything okay?” Buck asked, wiping his eyes. They felt heavy with exhaustion. “I should really get back to Eddie.”

Athena nodded. “I’ll just be a minute.” She paused. “I wanted you to know that my team found the person responsible for this.”

Buck’s heart dropped. “What? W-who?” he whispered.

“A fifteen year old boy,” she continued. “He found his father’s handgun and took it to the beach to show his friends. He claimed he didn’t know it was loaded and it misfired.”

Buck wanted to scream and cry and rage against everything that had ever wronged him and Eddie.

Wrong place, wrong time. That’s all this was.

And now Eddie was fighting for his life because of it. Because some man was irresponsible with a firearm and his son thought it was something to show off, like a child’s favorite toy.

“The father brought his son to the station this morning,” Athena said. “He’s taking the blame for his kid. Said it’s his fault for not having it locked away properly.”

“That’s — that’s it?” Buck breathed. “A kid wanted to show off a gun to his friends?”

Athena nodded. “I’m very sorry, Buck.”

“This was a completely avoidable accident and now my husband is fighting for his life.” Buck felt tears start running down his face, his breath hitching. “All because some dumbass man didn’t have his gun locked up properly?”

Athena didn’t say anything, just reaching forward and grabbing Buck’s hand.

“My innocent husband is fighting for every fucking second in that room,” Buck snapped. Disgusting, hot rage bubbled in his stomach. “All because of an idiot kid and his stupid fucking dad.”

The anger drained out of his body as the grief he’d been avoiding finally took over.

His knees gave out. Before he could hit the floor, Athena caught him under his arms and gently lowered him down against the wall.

“I’ve got you, Buck,” Athena murmured, sitting beside him and tightening her grip on his hand once again.

Buck gasped, leaning into Athena’s side. He pressed his forehead to her shoulder and cried.

And cried.

And cried.

____________________

Buck didn’t go home that day. Or the next day.

It was finally on the third day of holding vigil at Eddie’s bedside when Maddie, Helena, and Bobby came into the room and practically dragged him out of there.

Eddie’s family had arrived the day prior.

Usually, Buck was thrilled to see his in-laws. Helena and Ramon had been so warm and welcoming since he’d joined the family. Sophia and Adriana had become like sisters to him.

But he didn’t want to see them now.

He knew they should be here.

But he wished they didn’t have to be.

Buck heard them come into the room, but he didn’t look at them. He didn’t look away from Eddie.

The vasopressors Dr. Torrez gave Eddie didn’t raise his blood pressure. He was still critical; still hanging out around 65/39 with a heart rate of 127. There had been no movement from Eddie. No fluttering lashes, no finger twitches.

Nothing.

“Evan,” Maddie said gently, sitting in the chair beside him.

Buck was so tired. So incredibly tired. He hadn’t been home since the night Eddie got hurt. He wasn’t even sure if he’d slept since then.

“Evan,” Maddie tried again. “You need to go home. Bobby and Athena offered to drive you.”

He shook his head. The numbers on the monitor fluctuated, jumping to 73/42. A little spark of hope flared in his chest.

“I’m fine,” he muttered.

“Buck,” Bobby tried this time, “you need to eat.”

“And sleep,” Helena added. “This isn’t helping anyone, Buck. You making yourself sick by not eating or sleeping isn’t going to help Eddie.”

“I’m not hungry,” Buck argued. “And I can just sleep here.”

“Have you?” Maddie challenged, not aggressively, but with a soft, caring tone.

“Have I what?”

“Slept.”

Buck didn’t answer, which was probably a good enough answer for them.

Bobby set his hand on Buck’s shoulder. “C’mon, kid. Athena and I will drive you home. I can make you something to eat and you can get some sleep. We can come back in the morning.”

“I can’t leave,” Buck muttered. He could feel his bottom lip starting to shake. “I can’t.”

“Buck—” Maddie started.

“What if I leave and something happens?”

The room fell silent.

The numbers on the monitor dropped again, 66/39.

“What if I leave and he—” Buck hiccuped a sob. “If he…and I’m not here, I’ll never forgive myself.”

Maddie inhaled a sharp breath. Without even looking at her, Buck knew she was fighting back tears.

“Evan,” Helena said softly. “You’ve done everything you possibly can to be here for Eddie. He wouldn’t want you sacrificing your health to be here with him. And I think you know that.”

Buck sat forward, pressing his palms hard into his eyes. He sobbed again. “I don’t want to leave him. I can’t — I love him so much.”

“We know you do, Buck,” Bobby murmured. “Nobody is saying that you don’t love him if you go home for a few hours. We all know how much you love him.”

“But you have to take care of yourself too, Buck,” Maddie finished, reaching out and peeling one of Buck’s hands away from his eye. She grabbed it tight. “We don’t want you to end up in a bed right next to Eddie. Chris…” she hesitated. A lone tear slipped down her cheek. “Chris is going to need you.”

Buck pressed his palm over his mouth, muffling the sob that tumbled out.

“You need to go home. You need to eat. And you need to sleep, Evan,” Maddie said gently. “We will all still be here with him. And if something happens, somebody will come get you and bring you here, okay?”

Buck wiped his cheeks with the heels of his hands. He lifted his head and looked at Eddie.

Eddie’s skin was still so pale. So cold.

“I’m coming back, sweetheart,” he whispered, reaching forward and grabbing Eddie’s hand. He lifted it to his mouth, kissing the back of it. “You better be waiting for me when I get back.”

Buck stood up and leaned over Eddie, being careful of the tubes and wires. He bent down, pressing a lingering kiss to Eddie’s sickly cold forehead.

“I love you,” he whispered, mumbling against his skin. “I love you, Edmundo.”

Ten minutes later, Buck was in the backseat of Bobby’s truck, numb and unseeing as he was driven back to his and Eddie’s house. Athena sat in the passenger seat, casting concerned glances over her shoulder every few minutes.

“Did…did Hen and Karen need a break?” Buck asked. His voice was raspy and raw, like someone had taken sandpaper directly to his throat. “I should check on Chris. I haven’t talked to him yet this morning.”

“Hen and Karen are fine, baby,” Athena reassured him. “You can talk to Chris after you get some rest, okay?”

Baby.

Buck hadn’t been called that since Eddie had been hurt.

He closed his eyes against the tears trying to well up again.

“Okay,” he whispered.

The rest of the drive passed in a haze. He lost track of where they were and what turns they had to make in order to get home, but eventually Bobby was pulling into the driveway. He parked the truck behind Eddie’s.

“You, uh, you guys don’t need to come in with me,” Buck muttered, pulling his keys out of his pocket. “I’ll be fine.”

Athena turned in her seat and faced him. “I don’t feel like we should leave you, Buck.”

Buck forced a weak smile. “I’m alright. I’ll probably crash as soon as my head hits the pillow anyway.”

Bobby looked at him through the rearview mirror. “Can I make you something to eat before you go to sleep?”

“No, thank you,” Buck muttered. “Thanks for the ride.” He opened the door and slid out of his seat. “If anything happens—”

“We’ll call you,” Athena said softly. “And come get you right away. Don’t you worry.”

Buck nodded. “Thanks. Please don’t…just make sure he’s not alone. Please.” A single tear slipped down his cheek.

“He won’t be alone, Buck. I promise you,” Bobby said. “We’re heading right back to the hospital.”

“We love you, Buck.” Athena extended her hand to him.

Buck grabbed it. She squeezed it tight. “I love you guys too.”

Slowly, he made his way up to the front door and unlocked it. He pushed the door open, stepped inside, and shut it gently behind him.

The silence that met him was the worst thing he’d ever heard.

He toed his shoes off on the rug, kicking them over against the wall. His gaze caught on Eddie’s sneakers still laying on the opposite side of the rug from the last time they’d gone out.

Buck had asked Eddie no less than three times to put them away.

He really wished Eddie had put them away.

Taking a deep breath, Buck went into the kitchen. He stood helplessly in front of the fridge, looking for something he could choke down, just so Maddie and Helena wouldn’t give him a hard time for not eating.

In the end, he popped two slices of bread into the toaster. As he waited, he dropped into one of the chairs at the table, resting his cheek against the cold tabletop and closing his eyes.

It was too goddamn quiet in the house.

Buck ate his toast dry. It tasted like sawdust.

When he was done eating, he climbed into the shower, leaving the water nearly scalding so he could wash off the scent of the hospital and the feeling of Eddie’s freezing skin. He used Eddie’s soap, running it both through his hair and down his body.

Once he was done, he wrapped a towel around his waist and went down to the laundry room, where he knew his favorite pair of Eddie’s sweats were in the dryer. He slid into them before pulling one of Eddie’s hoodies over his head.

As he made his way back towards the bedroom, he picked up Eddie’s sneakers from the entryway. The least he could do was put them away for his husband.

It was as he entered the bedroom that it all hit him.

Eddie was lying in a hospital bed. Still in critical condition and not improving, despite everything the doctors were trying.

Eddie was lying in a hospital bed, fighting for his life, because some idiotic teenage boy thought it’d be cool to show off a gun to his friends. Because some idiotic father hadn’t locked it up properly.

And now, Buck was here. Alone and terrified and angry.

Angry for his husband. Angry for their son. Angry for their unborn baby.

Angry for himself.

Without even thinking about it, Buck reared his arm back and, with a guttural scream, whipped one of the sneakers across the bedroom. It caught the edge of the lampshade on his nightstand, sending it crashing to the floor.

Who cares? Who fucking cares about a stupid lamp when his husband was dying?

Buck hurled the other sneaker at the lamp on Eddie’s nightstand. It shattered into pieces, littering the floor with ceramic shards.

For a few seconds, he stared at the mess on the floor. His chest heaved. He balled his hands into fists. They shook uncontrollably at his sides.

Then, tipping his head back and clenching his eyes shut, he screamed. It ripped out of him — raw, guttural, and furious.

“FUCK!” he screamed, slamming the bedroom door shut behind him. He stormed over to Eddie’s dresser and picked up the bottle of cologne that Eddie had worn when they went out for dinner that awful night. He spun on his heel and hurled it at the wall across the room.

It shattered instantly, the liquid running in trails down the wall. The scent filled the room, surrounding Buck with the scent of his husband.

“This isn’t fucking fair!” he cried out at the top of his lungs. He reached for something else to throw, his fingers closing around the little dish he used to store his watch and his wedding ring when he wasn’t wearing them. He threw it against the cologne soaked wall, not caring at all when it shattered.

And almost as quickly as it came, the anger drained out of him, leaving him wrung out and so incredibly exhausted that he was surprised his knees didn’t just give out.

The room smelled like Eddie. The scent of his cologne hung heavy in the air, wrapping around Buck like a snake that was slowly cutting off his ability to breathe.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice thick.

What he was apologizing for, Buck wasn’t sure.

Walking over to the bed, Buck collapsed onto Eddie’s side of the mattress. He turned his face into Eddie’s pillow, breathing in the faint scent of his shampoo and the laundry detergent.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated, muffled against the pillow. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Fat, heavy tears flowed down his face. He was sobbing, loud and raw. Grief poured out of him like he was filled with it.

He was filled with it.

Buck grabbed Eddie’s pillow in a tight fist, curling his entire body around it. He held it close to his chest, soaking the fabric with tears and snot and saliva.

He’d never acted this way before. He’d never had any reason to act this way before. He’d never had anything or anyone that he loved so much that it felt like he was being ripped in half by his pain.

Buck lost track of time. He stayed as he was as the light in the room changed from golden to black, the sun finally setting on another day without Eddie.

Eventually, his breathing evened out.

The tension he’d been carrying for days finally seeped out of his muscles. As he started drifting, he could feel a headache forming at the base of his skull, a dull pain that crept down his neck.

He fell asleep anyway, still clutching Eddie’s pillow like it was the only thing keeping him tethered to this life.

____________________

When Buck woke up, the room was pitch black except for the moonlight that slipped in through the crack in the blinds.

For a long moment, Buck just laid there. The grip he had on Eddie’s pillow had loosened slightly, but not much. His fingers ached as he released his grip on it.

The smell of Eddie’s cologne still hung heavy in the air.

Lifting his head, Buck looked at the clock on his nightstand. It was just after four a.m.

He had the thought that he should try and sleep a little bit longer, considering how little he’d gotten lately, but now that he was awake, his mind was moving too quickly to fall asleep again.

He fumbled around the bed for his phone, curling his fingers around it when he finally found it.

He had a few new messages from Maddie, Bobby, and Helena.

There had been no change while Buck had been sleeping. Eddie still remained critical, still hanging in the balance.

Slowly, Buck straightened out his body, groaning as his joints and muscles protested the movement. His head throbbed. He felt like he’d been sent through a meat grinder, then hung out in the sun to bake.

A moment later, his stomach growled. He was fucking starving.

He stared at the ceiling for a few more minutes, running through his to-do list in his head.

Eat, brush teeth, get dressed, go back to Eddie.

He paused, then adjusted his to-do list.

Eat, take a handful of extra strength Tylenol, brush teeth, get dressed, go back to Eddie, ask Hen to bring Chris to the hospital once the sun has risen.

Buck sighed, swinging his legs over the edge of the mattress and standing. His head spun, dizziness warping his vision for a second, before he crossed the room to the door.

He pulled the hood of Eddie’s sweater up over his curls, breathing in the faint scent still lingering on the fabric. He shuffled down the hallway towards the living room, eyes cast down at the floor.

“Buck?” A woman’s voice came from the direction of the couch.

Buck flinched. “What the fu—”

The lamp on the end table flicked on. Soft, ambery light filled the space, casting shadows across Sophia and Adriana’s faces.

“Jesus Christ!” Buck exclaimed, throwing a hand over his chest. A tiny grin tugged at his lips. “You guys scared the hell out of me.”

Adriana winced. “Sorry. We would’ve warned you we were here, but you were out cold when we got here.”

“We didn’t want to wake you,” Sophia added, smiling softly at him. She was curled up in the armchair, her feet tucked beneath her.

Buck nodded slowly. “When did you get here?” He paused. “And how did you get in? I thought I locked the door.”

Adriana sat up from where she’d been laying across the couch. “A couple hours ago,” she said, “Maddie gave us a key. We didn’t want you to be alone.”

Immediately, his eyes tried to flood with emotion, but he blinked the tears back. “Oh. Thanks.” He took another step forward, pulling his sleeves over his hands. “You, uh. You guys didn’t have to do that. You should — you should be with Eddie.”

“Eddie has an entire army looking over him right now,” Sophia said gently. “We’re right where we should be. You’re our family just as much as Eddie is.”

Adriana nodded. “And we love you. We want to support you any way we can. So just shut up and let us be here with you.”

Buck let out a surprised laugh. It sounded odd coming from him.

“Okay, okay. Sorry.” Buck shuffled over to the couch and dropped down onto the end of it. “I just can’t believe this is happening.”

Adriana scooted over, leaning against Buck’s side. “It’s so fucked. Everything is so fucked right now.”

“So fucked,” Sophia echoed.

“Wanna hear something even more fucked?” Buck muttered. Sophia and Adriana both looked at him as he pulled out his phone and showed them the sonogram from Sarah. “The same day Eddie got shot was the day we found out that we’re having a baby.”

Sophia gasped, hands flying to her mouth. “No.”

Buck laughed, completely humorless. “Yes.”

“You guys are having a baby?” Adriana asked, grabbing Buck’s phone and zooming in on the picture. “Oh my god. You guys are having a baby.”

“Our little strawberry,” Buck murmured, a corner of his mouth turning up. “That’s what Eddie called them. He — he wanted—” Buck cleared his throat. “He wants to make the nursery strawberry themed.”

Sophia wiped her eyes. “Of course he does,” she chuckled. “He went through a strawberry phase when he was little. He wanted everything to be strawberry themed.”

“When he was six, there was a week when he refused to eat anything, but strawberries,” Adriana added. “Mom tried to get him to eat the strawberries with cereal or oatmeal, but he refused. He just wanted the berries.”

“Oh, he never told me that.” Buck’s eyes filled. “I feel like there’s still so much to learn about him, even after almost two years together.”

“Eddie has layers,” Adriana answered. “Peel them back one by one and see what you find. Like an onion.”

Buck barked out a laugh, a real one. “Do not compare my husband to an onion. He smells so much better than an onion.”

Adriana grinned. “But it made you laugh. You’re welcome.”

“Do Mom and Dad know about the baby yet?” Sophia asked. “Or should we keep it a secret for now?”

Buck sniffed. “Probably keep it a secret for now. I’ve only told Maddie and Bobby. I didn’t really want to tell anyone without Eddie beside me, but…” he trailed off.

“And you will,” Sophia said with a firm tone. “You’ll get to tell everybody with Eddie by your side, okay?”

“I really hope so,” Buck whispered. “Because I’m not ready to do it alone yet. We promised to get old together. It was in our wedding vows, he can’t — he can’t break those.”

Adriana reached over and grabbed his hand, squeezing it tight. “Eddie is a fighter, Buck. He’s the strongest person I know. And he’s never broken a promise before.”

Sophia grabbed Buck’s other hand. “I just know he’s fighting like hell right now. Fighting to get back to you, Christopher, and that little strawberry.”

A few tears slid down Buck’s cheeks. “I love him so much.”

“We know. We love him too,” Adriana murmured. “And we love you.”

And then Buck’s stomach loud out an exceptionally loud grumble, breaking through the heaviness that had settled around them.

Adriana snorted. “Hungry?”

“Fucking starving,” Buck retorted with a soft chuckle.

“I’ll make you something to eat,” Sophia offered. “And then we can head back to the hospital.”

Buck shook his head. “No, you don’t have to. I’ll just grab something quick and—”

“Buck. Let me make you something.” Sophia left no room for arguing. “Do you want oatmeal or pancakes?”

Adriana nudged Buck’s shoulder. “I wouldn’t argue with her, Buck. You will not win.”

“Okay. Fine. Oatmeal is good,” Buck conceded, tossing an exhausted smile at Sophia. “Thank you.”

An hour later, just around six a.m., Buck was sitting at Eddie’s bedside again with Ramon and Helena for company. This time, he had a full belly and six hours of restless sleep.

It wasn’t enough. Not nearly enough.

His head still pounded, despite the Tylenol he’d swallowed with the oatmeal Sophia had made for him. His eyes were dry and scratchy, demanding another twelve hours of sleep.

But, his brain wasn’t as foggy anymore. He could think a little more clearly than before. There wasn’t an awful, twisting ache in his stomach anymore, like it had been eating itself.

And most importantly, he’d done everything they’d asked of him. He’d left Eddie’s bedside. He showered. Slept. Ate.

Buck’s gaze lifted to the monitor behind Eddie’s bed.

His blood pressure was 62/34, heart rate 148. His stomach lurched.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Buck whispered. He laid his hand over Eddie’s, still cold. Still unmoving. “I’m back.” He brushed his thumb over his knuckles. “Keep fighting, Eddie. I love you.”

He leaned back in his chair, not moving his hand off of Eddie’s.

Ready to sit here for another three days.

____________________

On the seventh day of no improvements, Dr. Torrez asked to speak with Buck, Ramon, and Helena privately.

Instantly, Buck’s mouth started watering with nausea.
She led them back to that same consultation room from before, where she’d told Buck that Eddie may not survive the night. Ramon and Helena sat side-by-side at the table, hands clasped together on the wooden surface.

Buck didn’t know what to do. Should he sit? Should he just keep standing? Should he refuse to listen to anything Dr. Torrez was about to tell him?

“Evan,” Helena said softly. She extended her free hand towards him. “Come sit.” She gestured to the chair beside her. “We’re in this together, remember?”

Before he even realized he’d moved, Buck was sitting next to Helena, gripping her hand so tight that it must’ve hurt. But she didn’t say anything — she just held him right back.

Dr. Torrez sat across from them, hands folded together. “Let me just start by saying how sorry I am to have to call you all back in here.”

Buck was going to throw up.

“As you know,” she continued, “Eddie has remained unresponsive and shown no signs of spontaneous movement for seven days now. Over the course of those seven days, we have not seen the improvement that we hope to see at this point.”

“What — what does that mean?” Ramon asked shakily.

“Eddie’s blood pressure remains low, despite the combination of vasopressors and medication we have tried,” Dr. Torrez said softly. “My team and I are concerned about his organs.”

She slid the tablet onto the table, swiping through it before turning it towards them. “As you can see here,” she pointed to the lab work on the tablet screen, “Eddie’s kidneys have not been functioning as they should. Over the last eight hours, he’s only had 80 milliliters of output. That tells us that his kidneys aren’t receiving enough blood flow to function properly. We’re seeing signs that his kidney function is worsening.

“Additionally, his heart has been under tremendous stress. As you know, he suffered cardiac arrest as a direct result of the significant blood loss. The continuous hypotension is straining his heart. He’s had persistent episodes of tachycardia, which is his heart beating very rapidly to compensate for the low blood pressure, and arrhythmias, where his heart beat becomes irregular.” She paused, allowing them a moment before she continued. “We’re also concerned about what the prolonged hypotension may mean for his brain.”

Buck was already crying. He knew where she was going with this. He could feel it somewhere deep inside of him, like the soul-tether connecting him to Eddie had already snapped.

Dr. Torrez hesitated for a long moment. “I’m worried that this is something Eddie isn’t going to recover from.”

There it was.

The words Buck had been dreading hearing since the beginning.

“So, what?” Buck asked. His voice was flat, dull. There was no fight left in his words. No argument, no denial. Nothing. “What do we do now? Just give up on him?”

Dr. Torrez shook her head. “No. We’ve not given up on him. We’re still trying everything we can for him, but his body is exhausted.” She shot him a sympathetic look. “It’s time to start thinking about what comes next should he not wake up.”

Helena let out a sob. “We say our goodbyes? Is that what you’re saying? He’s — he’s our son. How are—” she cut herself off.

“Yes, Mrs. Diaz. I think it’s time to start thinking about goodbyes.”

Buck nodded slowly. “Is he in pain?” he whispered.

Dr. Torrez shook her head. “No. We have him on a heavy dose of morphine. Between that and the sedation, he shouldn’t be having any pain.”

“Okay.” Buck pushed his chair away from the table and stood up. Without a word, he left the room and walked, unseeing and mechanical, back to Eddie’s room.

But he didn’t go in. He slid down the wall, pulling his knees up to his chest and resting his forehead against them while he tried to breathe through the agony coursing through his body.

His Eddie.

His sweet husband.

Gentle, kind, so-full-of-love Eddie. Taken from them because of a stupid accident. A completely preventable accident.

Eddie was all the best of Buck. His better half. His person.

Eight months. They only got eight months of blissful marriage.

Buck wasn’t sure he’d ever recover from this. From the loss of Eddie in his life. From the loss of Eddie in Christopher’s life.

How was he supposed to go in that room and say goodbye to his husband? How was he supposed to be expected to carry on throughout life without Eddie at his side?

He would. He would do it because Eddie would want him to, and he would do it because of Christopher and their little strawberry.

But he didn’t know how.

Waking up alone in bed meant for two people. Learning to cook for two people instead of three. Trying to figure out how to raise a baby as a single father.

How was he supposed to tell Christopher that his dad wasn’t coming home?

The door to Eddie’s room opened. Buck looked up through blurry eyes.

“Hey. What’re you doing on the floor?” Maddie murmured.

Buck shot her a weak, wobbly smile. “He’s not gonna get better.”

Maddie stepped towards him. “Don’t say that, Evan. You can’t start thinking like that.”

“Dr. Torrez just told us, Maddie. She told us that this is something he might not recover from.” His stomach twisted, bile crawling up his throat. “She said his organs are starting to fail. H-his heart and his k-kidneys—”

“Oh, Evan.” Maddie’s face crumpled. She crossed the hallway and dropped onto the floor next to him, wrapping her arms around him. He leaned into her, resting his head against her shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”

Buck bit the inside of his cheek, trying to fight off the tears threatening to fall. “I think — I think I’m going to have to tell him.”

“What?”

“I’m gonna have to tell him that it’s okay.” Buck screwed his eyes shut and sniffled. “He’s still fighting in that room, despite his organs shutting down, Maddie. He’s hanging on because he promised he’d never leave me.”

Maddie sobbed quietly, clutching Buck even tighter.

“He’s waiting for me to tell him it’s okay,” Buck whispered, broken. “It’s okay if he goes. He put up a good fight. But he’s so tired, Maddie. How can I say I love him if I make him stay like this?”

“You can’t make him stay, Evan, and you shouldn’t have to,” Maddie whispered. Her voice was thick with emotion. “Eddie has suffered long enough, Evan. You don’t have to keep him here just because you’re not ready to lose him yet.”

“Fuck, Maddie. I’ll never be ready, but I have to let him go,” Buck mumbled. “I love him and I have to let him go.”

“When?” Maddie asked.

“I don’t know. I — I walked out on Dr. Torrez before she gave us a timeline.” Buck opened his eyes and turned his gaze to Maddie. “When is it the right time to ever tell your husband that it’s okay to go?”

For a long time, Maddie held Buck as they sat on the floor outside of Eddie’s room.

Doctors walked past, visitors walked by, but Buck didn’t care.

None of them knew that he was preparing to say goodbye to his husband. That he was preparing to become a single father before their little strawberry was even out of the first trimester.

None of them knew that absolute sorrow was eating Buck alive right now.

____________________

Two days later, Buck asked everyone if he could have a moment alone with his husband.

The rest of them — Helena and Ramon, Sophia and Adriana, Maddie, Eddie’s team, Abuela and Tía Pepa, Christopher — they’d already said their goodbyes.

Chris hadn’t really understood what was happening.

“But, why doesn’t he just wake up?” Chris had asked, giving Buck a confused look. “He’s been sleeping for a long time. Why is he still tired?”

Buck’s heart had snapped in half instantly. “He’s, um. He’s really sick, Christopher. His body is very, very tired.”

Chris had looked at Eddie, then, and frowned. “Like my legs get really tired after I walk for a long time?”

Forcing a smile, Buck nodded. “Yeah. Kind of like that, buddy.” He’d slid the chair closer to the bed and lifted Chris onto his lap after that. “You know your dad loves you so much, right? More than anything in the world.”

“I know!” Chris exclaimed. “I love him too! I love him as big as the sky!”

It’d been difficult to hold his tears back at that, but he’d managed. “Hear that, sweetheart? We both love you as big as the sky.”

“I miss him, Buck.” Chris had leaned back against Buck, his head resting on Buck’s chest. “I want him to wake up soon.”

Buck had pressed his lips into Chris’s hair. “Me too, Superman.”

Once Chris was done talking to Eddie, Buck had taken him back to the waiting room to sit with Athena and Bobby. And then he’d excused himself to a private bathroom and completely broke, sobbing as he huddled into a corner and tried to make himself small.

And now he was here, two days later.

Sitting at his husband’s bedside once again.

The room was quiet. Far quieter than it had been over the course of the last week. The ventilator hissed quietly, like even the machine knew the end was coming.

Instinctively, Buck’s eyes darted to the monitor. Reading the numbers on the screen had become second nature to him at this point.

They weren’t good.

His blood pressure was 71/38. His heart rate was 142.

Already, his eyes watered. He reached out, grabbing Eddie’s hand and linking their fingers.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Buck whispered. His chin quivered, his bottom lip shook. “I never thought this is where we’d be eight months into our marriage. I thought – I thought we’d get old together.” He let out a broken laugh. “You would’ve looked so beautiful with gray hair. And crows feet around your eyes, oh my god. You would’ve been a total smokeshow, Eds.”

Lifting Eddie’s hand to his mouth, Buck kissed the back of it, then held it against his lips.

“I’m so mad at you,” he whispered. His tears started falling quicker. “I know it’s not your fault, but I am so fucking mad at you, Eddie. I’m angry at that stupid kid and his dumbass dad. I’m just so fucking angry that this happened to you.” He pressed his forehead to Eddie’s hand. His breath hitched violently in his chest. “I love you so fucking much, Edmundo Diaz. I don’t know how I’m going to do this without you. I don’t know how to do life without you anymore.”

Buck pressed his lips against Eddie’s wedding ring. “We were supposed to have longer than eight months, Eddie. We were supposed to have this whole life together. We were supposed to have a family and be married for a h-hundred years. We were – we were going to hit all those milestones together. You were going to become a fire captain and I was supposed to become a principal.”

A broken, choked sob tumbled out of his mouth. He held Eddie’s hand against his forehead, slicking his husband’s skin with his grief.

“This isn’t fair. This isn’t fucking fair,” Buck wept. “What am I supposed to do, Eddie? How am I supposed to go on when you’re not here?”

For a few minutes, Buck couldn’t speak. He clenched his eyes tight and dropped his forehead to the mattress, still clutching Eddie’s hand. His chest heaved as he sobbed, his entire body shaking from the force of his sobs.

Behind him, the door opened.
He picked his head up and stood, whirling around on his heel, ready to scream at whoever had stepped inside this private moment.

Sarah stood there, half inside the room, half out.

“Sarah?” Buck breathed, the fight draining out of him.

“I’m — I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were — I’ll come back, just come get me,” she rushed out in one breath, already backing out of the room.

“Wait, Sarah,” Buck said. His voice was rough. “It’s — it’s okay. You can come in.”

“Are you sure? I can wait,” she offered.

“Yeah, I’m sure. Come in.”

Sarah stepped into the room, closing the door gently behind her. Buck’s gaze instantly dropped to her stomach, not showing yet, but where she was carrying his and Eddie’s baby.

Sarah noticed him staring. She set her hands on her lower stomach. “Baby’s healthy. The size of a strawberry right now.”

Fresh tears flushed Buck’s eyes. “Me and Eddie, we’ve been — he called the baby our little strawberry.”

Sarah’s eyes went glassy. “I saw the story on the news. They said that firefighter Eddie Diaz of the 118 had been shot while off duty. I would’ve been here sooner, but I — I wasn’t sure what to do.”

Buck dropped back into his chair. He dragged a hand down his face. “Yeah. We were out to dinner when it happened. The same day you texted us the sonogram.”

Sarah gently lowered herself into the chair next to Buck. “Oh my god, Buck. I am so, so sorry.”

“Th-thanks,” Buck mumbled. “I was just saying good—” he paused, inhaling sharply. “Just saying goodbye when you came in.”

“What?” Sarah breathed. “He’s not — he won’t—”

Buck shook his head. “No. His doctor said his organs are starting to fail. She said there’s very little chance that he’ll recover.”

Sarah lifted a hand to her mouth. The other one pressed against her stomach. “But, the — the baby.”

Buck laughed, though there was no humor behind it. “Yeah. Never thought I’d be a single parent.”

“Oh, Buck.” Sarah grabbed his hand and held him tight. “You said his doctor told you there’s little chance?”

Buck nodded, chewing on the inside of his lip.

“That still means there’s a chance, then. A little chance is better than no chance, right?” Sarah said. Her tone was so determined that Buck almost believed her. “Hold on to that.”

He wanted to believe her. He really did.

But after a week of absolutely zero improvement, Buck had run out of hope.

He flicked his gaze to the monitor.

Blood pressure 70/40. Heart rate 123.

“Is it okay if I…” Sarah pointed to Eddie’s hand, then pointed to her stomach. “The baby’s not kicking or anything yet, but just in case Eddie doesn’t — well, at least he got to hold his baby one time.”

Buck nodded. His eyes blurred. “Yeah,” he whispered. “Please.”

Sarah stood, moving to stand closer to the bed. She slowly lifted Eddie’s hand until his palm was pressed flat against her lower belly.

“Your little strawberry, Eddie,” Buck whispered. “Our baby.” His breath hitched. “We already picked out a name.”

“Is it a secret or do I get to know?” Sarah asked. “I feel like I should get to know, considering I’m the one birthing the baby.”

Buck laughed. “Theo Evan if it’s a boy. Clara Isabel if it’s a girl.”

Sarah smiled. “Those are beautiful. Whatever gender this baby ends up being, they are so incredibly lucky. They have the best daddies ever.”

Without even realizing what he was doing, Buck lifted his hand and laid it over the one that was currently on Sarah’s stomach, squeezing it.

“I’m kind of feeling like the baby is going to be a boy,” Buck murmured. “I don’t know why, but I think we’re going to have Theo Evan.”

“Theo Evan,” Sarah echoed. “If he’s anything like his namesake, he’s going to be a real wild child.”

Laughing through his tears, Buck nodded. “If he’s anything like his old man was when he was a kid, yeah. He’s going to be wild.” Then his laugh turned into a sob. “I can’t wait to meet our little strawberry.”

Sarah gently laid Eddie’s hand back down onto the mattress before turning and gathering Buck into a hug. She leaned over him, arms wrapped around his neck, and pressed a hand against the back of his head.

“I’m sorry, Buck,” she murmured.

Buck hugged her back. “Thanks for coming to see him. For letting him hold his baby.”

A few minutes later, Buck was alone again.

His eyes flicked to the monitor yet again.

Blood pressure 71/40. Heart rate 115.

Buck looked back at Eddie. The bed he was lying in was a bit bigger than a standard hospital bed, considering it was an ICU bed. There was really only a sliver of space on the edge of the mattress, but Buck could make it work.

He just wanted to lie with his husband one last time.

Being careful of the tubes and wires that surrounded Eddie, Buck arranged himself on Eddie’s mattress until he was comfortable. He was lying on his side, a gentle arm across Eddie’s chest. He tucked his face into the crook of Eddie’s neck.

“Hi, baby,” he whispered. “I’m really going to miss sleeping with you.” He paused, wrinkling his nose. “I did not mean for that to sound so suggestive.” Huffing out a laugh, tears continued leaking from his eyes. “I promise I’m going to take care of our kids, Eddie. They are going to grow up hearing stories about how brave and kind and handsome their daddy was.

“I’ll tell our little strawberry about their brave firefighter dad. I’ll make sure Chris never forgets anything about you. I promise I’m going to love them so deeply. I’ll love them for both of us, okay? You don’t need to worry about them. I’ve got them.”
Buck pursed his lips and pressed a soft kiss against Eddie’s neck.

“It’s okay if you go, sweetheart,” Buck choked out. “I know how hard you’ve been fighting for the last nine days. I know you’re tired. It’s okay. You can stop fighting.

“You promised to never leave me. And you didn’t.” He brushed his thumb across Eddie’s chest. “You fought. But I’m giving you permission to go, sweetheart. I don’t want you to suffer anymore. So, I love you. And I’m letting you go, Edmundo Diaz.”

He wished so desperately that he could kiss Eddie’s mouth, but with the ventilator, it was impossible.

So, he settled for the next best thing and kissed the corner of his mouth. He kissed Eddie’s cheek. He kissed his temple. He left a lingering kiss against his forehead.

He tucked his head back into Eddie’s neck. “Thanks for being the best thing that ever happened to me.”

And then he sobbed.

____________________

Dr. Torrez really loved her job. She loved getting to take care of people, figuring out their diagnoses and figuring out the best course of action to nurse them back to health.

But sometimes, she really wished she would’ve gone into business instead of healthcare.

Eddie Diaz’s case was one of the most difficult cases she’s ever worked on. Gunshot wound to the right shoulder with damage to the axillary artery. Significant blood loss that led to cardiac arrest. Persistent hypotension that refused to budge, even with a cocktail of medications and vasopressors.

She couldn’t figure this one out.

Well, she could. The trauma that Eddie had gone through had been a tremendous amount of stress on his body.

But, she wished there was something more she could do.

The last time she was in his room, checking his vitals and making sure Eddie was comfortable, she’d nearly cried at the sight that had greeted her.

Eddie’s husband, Buck, curled up alongside him and asleep with his cheek pressed to Eddie’s chest.

Buck had said they’d only been married for eight months.

She’d been married to her own husband for nearly thirty years, yet she felt like Buck and Eddie had been married for much, much longer.

The way Buck had refused to leave Eddie was tragically beautiful. The way he’d held onto hope for as long as he possibly could.

Love was beautiful until it was not.

It was nearing three a.m. when one of the nightshift nurses started pounding on the door to her quarters. She’d been trying to get some rest during her forty-eight hours on, but hadn’t been able to sleep yet. The sight of Buck curled up next to Eddie wouldn’t leave her mind.

“Dr. Torrez! We need you in room 108!” The nurse called from the other side of the door.

Room 108. Eddie Diaz’s room.

Quickly, she slid out of bed and shoved her feet into her shoes. She didn’t bother grabbing her coat, instead just sprinting down the hallway towards the ICU in her scrub top and pants.

She burst through the door.

Buck was still asleep against Eddie.

Dr. Torrez looked over at the two nightshift nurses, Blake and Haley. They were gesturing to the monitor.

“His blood pressure went up. It’s been holding at 79/52 for the last hour. MAP is at 55,” Blake breathed. “His heart rate has come down to 103.”

“And we’re still running the same dose of vasopressors?” she asked. “We haven’t increased his dose?”

“No,” Blake confirmed. “Still the same dose as this morning.”

Dr. Torrez stepped further into the room. She stared at the monitor. “Any output in the foley?”

Haley nodded. “45 milliliters in the last ninety minutes.”

Interesting.

“Draw another set of labs,” Dr. Torrez said. “CBC, CMP, and lactate.”

Blake nodded, running for the door to gather supplies for the draw.

“And Haley?” Dr. Torrez said quietly. Haley looked at her. “Keep the room quiet. Don’t wake Buck yet. Let’s make sure this isn’t a fluke before getting his hopes up.”

“Of course,” Haley agreed.

Thirty minutes later, Dr. Torrez was reading the results of the lab draw.

“His creatinine levels went down. The labs we drew yesterday were at 5.6, now reading at 4.8. Still not great, but better,” she murmured. “Lactate levels went from 3.6 to 2.9.”

Blake shook his head. “We should be optimistic about this, right? It’s not a false alarm if all of his levels are dropping?”

“His blood pressure rose again between the lab draw and now,” Haley added. “84/58 and holding. Heart rate 98.”

Dr. Torrez stared at the numbers for another few seconds. Nine days of deterioration and now, Eddie’s body was suddenly responding to treatment.

She shook her head, perplexed, but amazed. “I think we have reason to be cautiously optimistic. Eddie’s still there. He’s still fighting.”

“Should we tell his family?” Blake asked. “His husband?”

“Let’s give it another hour or two,” Dr. Torrez said. “I would hate to get their hopes up before we’re completely positive this isn’t a fluke.”

As the night progressed, Dr. Torrez ordered lab draws at the top of every hour.

Every draw came back with improved numbers. Eddie’s creatinine and lactate levels continued to decline. By six a.m., his blood pressure had risen to 95/68 with a heart rate of 84. He continued to have consistent output in the foley, nearly 100 milliliters over the last two hours.

Dr. Torrez stared at the latest lab draw, just after seven a.m., shaking her head as a small smile tugged at her lips.

She had a family to speak with. A husband who had already started mourning the loss of his spouse.

Yesterday afternoon, she was prepared to lose a patient. One who had his entire life ahead of him. One that was being taken far too soon.

Today, though, she had reason to believe that this patient might recover. It’d be a long, winding road to recovery, but at least there’d be a road to follow.

At least a young couple wasn’t going to be torn apart before their lives even really began.

____________________

“Mr. Diaz.”

Somebody laid a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Mr. Diaz.”

Buck blinked awake, confused by his surroundings at first before he realized he was asleep in Eddie’s bed in the ICU.

He glanced over his shoulder. Dr. Torrez stood behind him.

“Uh, sorry,” he mumbled, sitting up on the edge of the bed. “I didn’t mean to sleep there, I just—”

Dr. Torrez held a hand up, cutting him off. “It’s okay, Mr. Diaz. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

Buck nodded. “Okay. Uh, is — is everything okay?”

“There have been some changes.”

Buck’s stomach dropped. “Oh. Ch-changes?” It felt like there was a vice wrapped around his lungs, squeezing tighter and tighter until he couldn’t breathe. He lowered his chin to his chest, gripping the edge of the mattress tightly.

This was it. She was about to tell him there wasn’t even a little chance of recovery anymore. There was no chance of recovery.

Dr. Torrez nodded, a warm smile forming on her face. “His body has started responding to treatment.”

Buck snapped his head up so fast that he was pretty sure he’d gotten whiplash. “What?” he breathed.

“Have a look at the monitor, Buck.”

Turning to look at the monitor, Buck looked at the little green numbers that had become his worst nightmare over the last nine days.

This time, though, when his heart missed a beat, a flicker of hope coursed through his body. As much as he hated to get his hopes up, he couldn’t stop it from happening.

Eddie’s blood pressure had risen to 98/72. His heart rate had settled at 77.

Immediately, tears filled his eyes. He turned back to Dr. Torrez.

“W-what does this mean?” he whispered shakily.

“It means your husband is still fighting, Buck,” she said softly. “We’ve been drawing labs once an hour for the last four. His levels are stabilizing. He’s not out of the woods yet, but we have much more reason to be optimistic now.”

“He’s still fighting?” Buck whispered. “I — I gave him permission to go. I told him it was okay. And he’s still — Eddie’s still fighting?”

Dr. Torrez nodded, smiling a warm grin at him. “Eddie is still fighting. He’s not ready to leave you yet.”

Buck covered his mouth with a hand, trying to smother the sob that tumbled out. Tears started flowing down his cheeks as he turned and faced Eddie.

Still pale. Still unmoving. Still connected to the ventilator.

But fighting.

Buck grabbed Eddie’s hand with his, threading their fingers together. He brushed his thumb across Eddie’s wedding ring.

“What happens now?” Buck asked, unable to tear his gaze away from his husband.

“Now we continue to monitor,” Dr. Torrez said. “We’ll continue to draw labs every four hours or so to see how his levels are trending. We’ll start lowering his dose of vasopressors and see if his blood pressure holds. If it does, we'll continue to reduce the dose. If everything continues to move in the right direction, we’ll start lowering his dose of sedation and, when we think his body is ready, attempt to wean him off of the ventilator.”

A choked sob escaped before he could swallow it down. “Is this real? Is this real life?”

“This is real, Mr. Diaz,” Dr. Torrez reassured him. “I know the last week has been extremely difficult, but there are things to be optimistic about.”

Buck nodded, still gazing down at Eddie. “Yeah. Yeah, I can do that. I can be optimistic.” He grinned, bright and hopeful for the first time in over a week. “I’m waiting for you, sweetheart. Whenever you’re ready, I’m waiting for you.”

____________________

A few hours later, Tía Pepa and Abuela walked into the room with Chris. They’d picked him up from school that day.

“Hi, Christopher!” Buck exclaimed, smiling widely.

“Buck! Tía and Bisabuela got me ice cream!” Chris crossed the room, climbing up into Buck’s chair with him. “Double fudge brownie with whipped cream.”

“Oh boy, sounds like a sugar crash waiting to happen,” Buck teased. He poked Chris in the side. “Did you bring me any?”

Chris giggled. “It would’ve melted before we got here, Buck!”

“Well, I guess that means we’ll have to go out for ice cream again. You and me, Superman. How’s that sound?”

“Can we wait to go until Dad is feeling better? I want all three of us to go.”

Warmth washed over Buck. “Of course we can. I think Dad would really like that.” He lifted his gaze to Pepa and Abuela. “How are you two?”

Pepa shot him a fond look. “Much better after the news we got today. Unexpected, but absolutely wonderful.”

Abuela had wandered up to the head of the bed. She pressed her rosary beads into Eddie’s palm. “Mi nieto fuerte. Mi dulce nieto.”

“What has his doctor said?” Pepa asked. She moved across the room and sat in the chair beside Buck.

“His last lab draw was the best yet,” Buck murmured. “His lactate and creatinine levels are way down. Dr. Torrez already started reducing his dose of sedation. So far, she said he’s tolerated it well.”

“Oh, that is just wonderful,” Pepa said softly. “Does she have any idea when they’ll remove the ventilator?”

“She said that they’ll do a spontaneous breath test once they feel his body is strong enough. If he takes a breath on his own, they’ll leave him extubated.”

Abuela went to the other side of the bed and sat in one of the chairs. “He really scared me. Edmundo,” she scolded him with no real heat behind her voice, “don’t ever do that again, mi nieto.”

Buck nodded his head in agreement. “Me too, Abuela. He really scared me too.”

“Can Dad hear me?” Chris asked, looking up at Buck. “I want to tell him about my day at school.”

“Yeah, I think he can, Superman,” Buck answered. “And he’d probably love to hear all about your day.”

Chris slid forward, resting his elbows against the edge of the mattress. “Hi, Dad! Today at school, we learned about the thirteen colonies in history. It wasn’t very fun because Buck wasn’t there, we had a sub teacher, but it was still okay.”

As Christopher spoke to Eddie, Buck lifted his gaze to Eddie’s closed eyes.

His lashes fluttered.

Buck froze.

Was he—

Did he imagine that?

He imagined it. He must’ve. For ten days, he’d been waiting for a sign. Waiting for any kind of movement, no matter how big or small, that his husband was still there.

A few minutes later, as Chris told Eddie about the fight on the playground at recess, Eddie’s lashes fluttered again.

This time, Buck knew he wasn’t seeing things.

A small smile tugged at his lips. It seemed like Eddie was responding to Chris’s voice. It made sense. Of course it would be Christopher.

Once Tía Pepa and Abuela took Christopher home, it was just Buck in the room again. Family had filtered in and out all day. Maddie, Chimney, Hen, and Karen had all stopped by earlier that day with breakfast for Buck. Later, Helena, Ramon, and Eddie’s sisters came to visit and spent the majority of the day with Buck in Eddie’s room. Bobby and Athena had commitments with May and Harry, but they’d still found time to drop by with coffee and to check up on Eddie.

Now, as the clock crept closer to eight o’clock, it was just Buck and Eddie.

He slid his chair closer to Eddie’s bed, laying his hand over Eddie’s and brushing his thumb across the back of it. His skin was warm again now that his blood was circulating better.

“So, I haven’t told anyone about our little strawberry yet,” Buck said softly. “Well, actually, that’s not completely true. I told Maddie. And Bobby. And Sophia and Adriana.” He huffed out a laugh. “But I haven’t told anyone else. I promise. Not even your parents. I figured I’d tell them once you…” he trailed off, clearing his throat. “But now it’s looking like we’re going to be able to tell everyone together, just like we dreamed.”

Buck grinned. “Your parents are going to be ecstatic. I remember at our wedding, you said she was talking about us having kids so she could have more grandkids. She’s going to be so excited. I wonder—”

Eddie’s finger twitched underneath Buck’s.

Buck’s breath caught in his throat. “Eddie? Can you — can you do that again?”

For a long moment, there was nothing. Buck started to think maybe he’d imagined it. After the way his eyes fluttered earlier, he just thought maybe—

Eddie’s finger twitched again.

“Oh my god, Eddie.” Buck reached over and pressed the call button, his heart hammering in his chest. “Sweetheart, hi. Hey, I just called for the doctor, okay? She’ll be here in a minute. Can you — can you do that again?”

Eddie’s hand stayed still under his.

“Eddie, move your hand again,” Buck asked. “Just a finger. Move a finger again.”

Dr. Torrez came into the room. “Everything alright?”

Buck turned and looked over his shoulder. “His hand moved. Twice. Like a — a twitch.”

She crossed the room over to Eddie. Buck saw her look at the monitor that had been reading his vitals endlessly for the last ten days.

Blood pressure 103/74. Heart rate 78.

“Eddie?” Dr. Torrez put her hand in Eddie’s. “Mr. Diaz, if you can hear me, can you try to squeeze my hand?”

Buck held his breath.

“Eddie, I’d like you to squeeze my hand. Can you try to do that?” Dr. Torrez tried again. For a moment, she waited. Then she flicked her eyes to Buck. “Grab his hand. Maybe he’ll respond to you.”

Buck linked his fingers with Eddie’s. “Eddie, can you squeeze my hand, sweetheart?”

Nothing happened. Buck’s chest tightened.

“Eds, squeeze my hand.”

Again, there was nothing.

Buck looked up at Dr. Torrez. “I guess I got excited when his finger moved. I’m sorry for calling you in here.”

Dr. Torrez softened. “It’s alright. Any spontaneous movement is encouraging, Buck. Even something like—”

As she continued to speak, Eddie squeezed Buck’s hand.

Buck gasped. “Eddie! Hey, hey, sweetheart. I’m here. I’ve got you.” He glanced over at Dr. Torrez, who’d stopped speaking and was watching him. “He squeezed my hand. Like, fully squeezed my hand.”

Dr. Torrez nodded. “Okay, that’s good. That’s excellent. Eddie,” she dropped her gaze back down, “can you squeeze Buck’s hand again? He’s been patiently waiting for you. Squeeze your husband’s hand again.”

And Eddie did without a moment of hesitation.

Buck started to cry, tears falling slowly down his cheeks as a wide, bright grin split his face. “Hi. Hi, my love.”

“That’s a purposeful movement, Buck. He responded to a command. That is very encouraging.” Dr. Torrez raised her eyebrows and shot him a smile. “This is very encouraging.”

It was a few hours later when Eddie opened his eyes. It was quick — barely there before it was gone again — but Buck caught it anyway. He couldn’t sleep. Not when Eddie was so close to resurfacing.

“Oh my god,” he breathed. He stood up and leaned over Eddie. “Do it again. Open your eyes again, Eddie.”

Eddie’s eyes cracked open again. It was brief — Buck didn’t even see the whites of his eyes before his lids dropped again.

But he didn’t care.

“You’re so close, Eddie,” Buck murmured. He pressed a lingering kiss to his forehead. “Keep fighting, sweetheart. You’re almost there.”

Dr. Torrez and the nightshift nurses made several rounds into the room throughout the night. Each time, they checked to see how Eddie was responding to external stimuli, if he was breathing over the ventilator, how his numbers were trending.

Things continued to be encouraging. Dr. Torrez and her team were optimistic that Eddie would wake up.

“But I want to caution you, Buck,” she said on one of her rounds. “We believe he’ll wake up, but he’s been through significant trauma. It’s going to be a long recovery.”

“I know. I know,” Buck said. “I don’t care how long it takes. I’ll do anything. Everything. I just…I’m glad he’s still here to recover.”

Around 5 a.m., Eddie’s eyes opened and stayed open.

Buck stood up. He leaned over Eddie, trying to catch his gaze, but Eddie’s eyes were unfocused. Glassy. They flitted around for a few seconds before landing on Buck.

He lifted a hand and rested it on Eddie’s cheek, brushing his thumb back and forth. His eyes burned. “Hi,” he whispered, a smile tugging at his lips.

Brief recognition flared through Eddie’s eyes before they slipped shut again.

Buck sat in his chair, rested his elbows on his knees, and hung his head.

And he cried.

But this time, it was tears of relief. Joy. Gratitude.

____________________

By eleven-thirty that day, Dr. Torrez and her team were ready to begin the extubation process.

Buck stood at the head of his bed, holding Eddie’s hand tightly in his. Maddie stood behind him, a gentle hand against the small of his back. The rest of Eddie’s family — Helena, Ramon, Sophia, Adriana, Tía Pepa, and Abuela — all stood in various spots around the room, holding their breath while they waited to see if Eddie could exhale his own.

At this point, Eddie’s dose of sedation had been stopped completely. He’d been slowly weaned off of the vasopressors to see if his blood pressure and heart rate would hold steady. His kidney function had improved, producing more output in a shorter amount of time. Both the creatinine and lactate in his body had decreased — it was still higher than normal, but improving. He’d started opening his eyes more as the morning had gone on, still glassy and unfocused after ten days of deep sedation, but every time he looked at Buck, there was a hint of recognition in those brown eyes Buck adored.

“Alright,” Dr. Torrez said, official and professional. “We’re ready to begin the spontaneous breath trial.” She glanced around the room before landing on Buck. “The ventilator will still be there to support him, but we’ve lowered the settings so he will be doing most of the work. That way we can see how well his lungs and respiratory muscles handle breathing on his own.”

Buck nodded. His heart was in his throat. “And if he can’t?”

“We’ll raise the support on the ventilator again,” she answered. “But that doesn’t mean he’s failed if he can’t. It just means his body needs a little more time.”

Maddie shifted behind him, reaching for his free hand. She grabbed it and held it tight.

“Okay,” Dr. Torrez said. She looked at Eddie. “Are you ready, Mr. Diaz? We’re going to begin the trial now. Try to breathe normally, alright?”

Eddie, barely awake with half-lidded, heavy eyes, just blinked in response.

Buck squeezed Eddie’s hand. “You got this, sweetheart.”

Eddie’s gaze lifted to Buck’s. His eyes stayed trained on him as the rhythm of the ventilator changed, slowing down.

“Take a deep breath, Eds,” Buck whispered. “I’m so proud of you. You can do this.”

Eddie’s chest lifted, a deep breath flooding his lungs. And then his chest lowered as he blew the breath back out.

Buck nodded, a grin wide across his face. Tears began falling without warning as Eddie still looked at him. “See? I knew you could do it. Hi, sweetheart. Hi.”

“So what happens now?” Helena asked. “Will you take the tube out?”

“We’ll continue to monitor his breathing for the next ninety minutes,” Dr. Torrez said. “If he continues to breathe on his own and his oxygen levels stay stable, we’ll proceed with the extubation process.”

Buck nodded down at Eddie. He lifted his hands to Eddie’s cheeks, brushing his thumb under his eyes. Eddie still gazed up at him, but Buck could see the exhaustion in his eyes.

“Just keep breathing, Eddie. Just keep breathing,” Buck whispered. He leaned down and pressed a lingering kiss to his forehead. “Just keep breathing.”

Ninety minutes passed.

Eddie continued to breathe on his own.

Dr. Torrez called in a respiratory therapist to remove the tube.

“Alright, Eddie, this is probably going to be uncomfortable,” she said gently. “But it’ll just be a second, okay? I need you to breathe in.”

Buck squeezed Eddie’s hand. Eddie squeezed it right back.

“Alright, deep breath in,” the respiratory therapist instructed. Eddie’s chest rose. As he exhaled, the therapist pulled the tube out. “And done! You did great, Mr. Diaz.”

Immediately, Eddie started coughing deep, hacking coughs. Tears gathered in his eyes, streaming down his face from the force of his coughing. One of the nurses slipped an oxygen mask over Eddie’s face, covering his mouth and nose.

“You’re okay, Eddie,” Buck murmured, sitting on the mattress. His thigh brushed along Eddie’s. “I’ve got you. You’re okay. I’m here. I love you.”

After another minute passed, Eddie’s breathing settled. He winced, his entire face scrunching up in discomfort. When he opened his eyes, glossy with tears, they landed on Buck and stayed there.

“Hi,” Buck whispered. His entire face crumpled. “I missed you.”

Eddie tightened his grip on Buck’s hand. He opened his mouth. Nothing but a ragged breath came out.

“You don’t have to talk yet, it’s okay,” Buck reassured. “We’ve got time.”

It struck him then.

We’ve got time.

He let out a breathless laugh as tears continued to fall. “We’ve got time, Eddie.”

Eddie opened his mouth again. “M-missed….you…t-too.”

Already, he was falling asleep again. He fought to keep his eyes open for a minute or two before they slowly drifted shut and his breath evened out.

This time, though, Buck didn’t panic.

He knew that Eddie would wake again.

Chris still had his dad.

Helena and Ramon still had their son.

Sophia and Adriana still had their brother.

And Buck still had his husband with a whole life ahead of them.

____________________

For the next two weeks, Eddie slept. A lot.

Dr. Torrez said it was to be expected. Normal. His body was still recovering, still exhausted from everything it’d been through.

A few days after being extubated, physical and occupational therapy started working with him. He’d been medically sedated for ten days and had a gunshot wound in his shoulder. He’d lost a lot of muscle strength. Needed help sitting up in bed. Standing. His legs were weak. He couldn’t stand without assistance, let alone walk.

Kelly, the physical therapist, was a middle-aged woman who was intense and took no excuses. She pushed Eddie every single day to go a little further. A little longer. It helped that Eddie was just as determined to gain his strength back and start walking on his own again.

Ben, the occupational therapist, was a lot more forgiving. He’d first started Eddie’s therapy with simple things, like assessing the fine motor skills in his right hand and arm. Picking up a pen and holding it with his hand. Zipping a jacket. Using utensils at meals. Eventually, he started working on range of motion in Eddie’s shoulder before moving onto more complex tasks, like dressing and showering safely.

His kidney function continued to improve as the days passed. Dr. Torrez removed the foley after a week, once his output had become more consistent. She’d mentioned temporary dialysis as a possibility early on, but thankfully, it wouldn’t be necessary.

Dr. Torrez had an echocardiogram ordered. Once the results came back, she said his heart function was impaired, but improving. She was optimistic that with time and rehabilitation, there would be no permanent damage.

For the first few days after waking up, Eddie had been unable to eat. His throat was raw and sore from the tube. He was nauseous most of the time, which meant he either didn’t want to eat or he was unable to hold anything down.

After two weeks, Eddie was transferred out of the ICU to a general floor. He was starting to stay awake for longer periods of time. The nausea went away after a few days, so he started eating more — dry toast, scrambled eggs, yogurt — and was keeping it down.

Slowly, his strength started to return.

Buck’s husband started to return.

Eddie’s family flew home after he was moved out of the ICU. Sophia and Adriana both had jobs they needed to get back to, and Adriana had a big exam in one of her classes, but they called and facetimed as often as possible.

Buck was at the hospital basically all the time.

Early on, when Eddie was first hurt and things hadn’t looked good, he’d called his supervisor at the school and explained to her what had happened. Mrs. Parrish had been very sympathetic and understanding and had told him to take all the time he needed — they would find a long term sub for his class until he was ready to come back.

It was a week after that when he’d been told that his coworkers had all pooled their PTO together and gifted it to him, which had led to a tiny little breakdown in the hospital bathroom.

Now, two weeks after Eddie had miraculously woken up from the ten day medically induced coma, Buck was standing at the end of the parallel bars in the PT room. Kelly stood on the other side of the bars, fastening a gait belt around Eddie’s waist.

“Alright, Diaz,” Kelly said, tone firm. “We’re pushing it today. I want you to walk to the end of the bars and back three times.”

Eddie smirked. Dark circles sat under his eyes. “I’ll do it four times, just to spite you.”

Kelly barked a laugh. “I would expect nothing less.”

Buck grinned. “You got this, sweetheart. I believe in you.”

Eddie winked at Buck. It nearly took him out at the knees and sent him to the floor.

“You know,” Eddie started as he grabbed onto the bars, shifting his weight forward so he could lift himself out of the chair he was sitting in. “A little motivation goes a long way, baby.”

Buck cocked his head. “Yeah? What’s on your mind?”

Eddie got his feet situated underneath himself before looking up at him again. “Mm, maybe a tiny little kiss from my husband when I make it to the end of the bars.”

“Oh, just a tiny little kiss?” Buck teased. “You don’t want a big ol’ smooch?”

“I’ll take whatever I can get. I’m really not picky when it comes to kissing my husband.”

Kelly groaned, but there was a teasing grin with it. “Here we go again. Always flirting in front of me. I’ve been married to my wife for nearly fifteen years and yet, I feel incredibly single when you two are around.”

Buck chuckled. “I’m not even going to apologize. I thought I was going to lose him, so the flirting is never going to stop now.”

For a moment, a heavy silence settled over them. Eddie tightened his grip on the bars, looking at Buck with such a pained expression that it almost made Buck cry.

“Well, c’mon, Eds,” Buck murmured, clearing his throat. “I’ve got a tiny little kiss waiting for you down here.”

And just like that, the heaviness dissipated and Eddie started walking, slow but sure, between the bars. Every step he took, he got stronger and steadier. Buck could see his calf muscles flexing as he stepped. Kelly followed behind him, one hand near the gait belt in case his legs gave out.

Once Eddie made it to the end of the bars, he tilted his head at Buck. “Well?”

Buck cupped Eddie’s cheeks with his hands and pressed a sweet, tender kiss to his lips. “Three more times to go,” he muttered against Eddie’s mouth.

“Which means three more kisses for me.” Eddie turned and started walking the other way.

By the time he’d made it down and back four times, Eddie was starting to get shaky. Buck could see exhaustion starting to set in by the way his shoulders slumped.

“Alright, Diaz. Nice work,” Kelly complimented. “Fifteen minutes on the bike and then we’re done for today.”

Eddie glanced at Buck. “She’s trying to kill me, baby.”

Buck rolled his eyes. “Dramatic.”

“Wow. My own husband,” Eddie muttered, shaking his head. Using a walker, he made his way over to the stationary bike and slid into the seat.

Fifteen minutes later, he was done. Sweating and exhausted, but he finished the entire workout.

Kelly and Buck walked alongside him in the hallway towards his room. Kelly kept a tight grip on the gait belt around Eddie’s waist, ensuring that he wouldn’t drop to the ground if his legs suddenly gave out.

Kelly helped guide Eddie over to the bed. Buck watched as Eddie slowly lowered himself down, letting out a sigh of relief when the weight was off his legs.

“Same time tomorrow, Eddie,” Kelly said, slipping the gait belt off. “We’ll push it to five laps in the bars.”

“Six,” Eddie argued, shooting her a grin.

Once she was gone, Buck wandered over to the bed. “Need help getting your feet up?” he asked.

“No,” Eddie answered. He spread his thighs apart. “C’mere, baby.”

Buck stepped forward, standing between his knees. He draped his arms over Eddie’s shoulders, running a gentle hand through his hair. Eddie wrapped his arms around Buck’s waist and pressed his cheek against Buck’s stomach, letting out a soft sigh.

“I love you, baby,” he whispered. “You’re so comfy.”

Buck leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to the top of Eddie’s head. “I love you too, sweetheart. So much.”

They stayed like that for a few minutes until Eddie’s breath started to even out. Buck dragged his hand through Eddie’s hair again.

“Lay down, Eddie,” he whispered, guiding his shoulders down to the mattress. Eddie moved sluggishly, but managed to get his feet up on the bed. Buck pulled the blankets up and tucked him in. “I’m going to get Chris from school. Be back in an hour.”

Eddie hummed. “Drive safe. Love you.”

Buck bit his lip to keep the sudden emotion that threatened to flood his eyes at bay. “I love you too.” With a lingering kiss against his forehead, Buck watched Eddie until he was asleep, his breath evened out.

He drove to the school and parked in the employee parking lot before making his way inside. There was still fifteen minutes left until the final bell of the day, so he went to the office and stepped inside.

Mindy, the secretary, looked up at him. A warm smile tugged at her lips. “Mr. Buck! It’s so good to see you. We sure have missed you around here.”

Buck smiled. “Hi, Mindy. It’s good to see you too.”

“How is Eddie? We’ve all been thinking a lot about you guys.”

Mrs. Parrish stepped out of her office then. “Hi, Buck,” she said. A concerned expression crossed her face. “Is everything okay? How is Eddie?”

Buck's heart warmed at the concern they had for his husband.

“That’s actually why I stopped by,” Buck started. The grin that crossed his face was completely involuntary. “He woke up two weeks ago. He’s doing really, really well, all things considered.”

Mrs. Parrish softened. She crossed the room to Buck and gathered him up in a hug. “Sorry if this is unprofessional, but I don’t care. I am so happy to hear that, Buck.”

Buck chuckled. “It’s not unprofessional. Thank you. I really appreciate everything you all have done for me since Eddie got hurt.” He paused, taking a deep breath. “He’s got a pretty long road ahead of him. I — I’m not sure what I have left for time off, but—”

Mrs. Parrish waved him off. “Don’t worry about it. We have the long-term sub scheduled until the end of Christmas break, so you take all the time you need. And if you need more time beyond Christmas break, you just let me know.”

Buck nodded, feeling eternally grateful. “Thank you. Thank you, Mrs. Parrish. I don’t think I’ll ever have the words to express how thankful I am that you’ve been so understanding.”

“Hey, it’s how I would want to be treated if my husband was in the hospital,” she answered. “Take care of your family. Your job will be waiting for you when you’re ready.”

“Your students miss you,” Mindy added. “Every day, I get questions about when you’re coming back.”

Buck smiled. “Maybe I should pop in there and say hi.”

“Oh, I’m sure they would love that,” Mrs. Parrish said. “Christopher especially.”

It made Buck sad that he was missing so much time with Chris as his teacher. He’d looked forward to it ever since he’d met Chris almost two years ago and now he was missing a big chunk of his fourth-grade year.

“Speaking of Chris, I should get going. He doesn’t know it yet, but I’m taking him for ice cream before we head back to the hospital.” Buck started for the door. He glanced over his shoulder as he held the door open. “Oh, and one more thing. Eddie and I are expecting.”

Before Mrs. Parrish and Mindy could say anything, Buck left the office, biting down on a grin as they erupted into excited cheers.

He made his way down to his classroom and leaned against the wall across from the door, waiting for the final bell to ring. That way, he’d be able to say hi to his students as they filed out towards the buses.

As soon as the bell rang, the door burst open. For a second, none of his students noticed him standing there.

Then, Christopher came out of the room and exclaimed, “Buck!”

After that, a herd of fourth-graders swarmed him. It was a flurry of hugs, high fives, fist bumps, and ‘when are you coming back’ questions. Buck loved every second of it.

He helped Chris into the Jeep when they finally made it outside to the parking lot. He slid into the driver's seat and turned the engine on.

“Buck?” Chris asked from the backseat.

He glanced over his shoulder. “Yeah, Superman?”

“Are we going to see Dad?”

“Yeah, of course. He’s really excited to see you,” Buck answered. He turned back around and put the Jeep in drive. “He wants to hear all about your day.”

“Is he ever going to come home?” Chris’s voice came out shaky and a little bit nervous.

Buck stilled for a second. It’d been just about a month since Eddie was shot. Ten days on the ventilator and two weeks recovering in the hospital.

For Chris, it probably felt like a lot longer since his dad had been home.

“He’s going to come home,” Buck said. “He’s been working really hard with Kelly and Ben to come back home, Chris.”

“Why is it taking so long?”

Buck cleared his throat. “Well, you know he was really sick, right? So now his body needs some time to get strong again.”

Chris hummed. “I just want him to come home. I want a movie night with you and him because we haven’t had one in a really long time.”

His chest tightened. “I know, Superman. I want him to come home too. And he will, okay? I promise. As soon as he’s strong enough, he’ll be able to come home.”

Chris nodded. “Okay. Can we take dinner to him? That really good diner that he wants to go to all the time?”

A slow smile tugged at Buck’s lips. “I was thinking we should stop for ice cream, but I think Dad will like that a lot more.”

Forty-five minutes later, Buck was carrying a paper bag filled with takeout containers while Chris led the way towards Eddie’s room.

“Hi, Dad!” Chris exclaimed as he burst into the room.

“Hi, mijo.” Eddie’s voice sounded sleepy, like he’d just woken up. His eyes were half-lidded. The head of his bed was propped up, so he wasn’t lying flat. “I’m so happy you’re here, buddy.”

Before Buck even made it across the room, Chris had crawled onto the bed and sat facing Eddie. His legs swung back and forth, heels hitting the bed frame.

“Buck said you worked really hard in therapy today!” Chris grinned widely. “You’ll be home before we even know it!”

Eddie smiled, a lazy half-grin that turned up one corner of his mouth. “I sure hope so. I miss home. I miss you.”

“I miss you too, Dad,” Chris said. “I already know what movie we’re going to watch when you get home!”

“Oh yeah? Which one?”

“You’ll have to wait and see,” Chris answered, smug. “It’s a surprise!”

Eddie laughed, just a breath exhaled through his nose. “Can’t wait.”

Buck set the paper bag on the tray table and lowered himself into a chair. “He wouldn’t even tell me, Eds. He’s being very secretive about this.”

“Well, yeah,” Chris said flatly, as if it was obvious. “I would tell you and then you would tell Dad because you tell each other everything and then the surprise would be ruined.”

Eddie lifted his gaze to Buck. “He’s got a good point.”

Buck raised his hands, palms out. “Guilty.”

“What’s in the bag?” Eddie asked, nodding his head towards the takeout.

“We got you food!” Chris exclaimed, giggling.

“You did?” Eddie asked, that same lazy smile returning to his face. He looked completely wrecked, but so beautiful. “Where from?”

“Your favorite diner! Rosie’s! We got your favorite, Dad.”

“You did?” Eddie said again. Buck could hear some emotion in his tone. “A turkey wrap with extra mustard?”

“Mhm. I wanted to get you French fries too, but Buck said it might hurt your belly, so he got you a side of veggies instead.”

“Booooo,” Eddie moaned, dragging it out. “Who wants veggies when they could have French fries?”

“That’s what I said!”

Buck scoffed. “Okay, sorry for caring about you and your wellbeing.”

Eddie chuckled. “No, you’re not.”

Smirking, Buck leaned forward and poked Eddie in the side. “No, I’m not.”

The evening passed slowly and all too fast.

Chris talked about his school day, his friends, what they worked on in science class. He told Eddie about the book he’d started reading during their free time, a new comic book that his best friend Dylan had recommended.

The entire time, Buck was barely holding back tears. A couple times, he excused himself to the bathroom so he could compose himself.

It was just…watching Chris and Eddie talk and tell each other about their days was making him emotional. Chris had said goodbye, even if he hadn’t really understood why. Buck had thought that Chris was losing his dad.

But now, they were here. They were together. They still had each other.

It was nearing seven o’clock when Tía Pepa popped in. She was going to take Chris home for the night and drop him off at school in the morning, so Buck could stay with Eddie a little bit later. She visited for half an hour before she swept Chris out of the room, leaving just Buck and Eddie.

The second the door shut behind them, Buck broke. Hot, heavy tears started falling down his face, leaving salty trails on his cheeks. He covered his face with both hands, trying to muffle his sobs.

“Hey, baby,” Eddie murmured. He reached over and set a hand on Buck’s wrist. “What’s wrong?”

For a moment, Buck couldn’t answer. Sobs wracked his body, his shoulders shaking and chest heaving.

“Baby,” Eddie whispered.

“S-sorry, I’m sorry,” Buck mumbled, voice thick. “I didn’t mean to cry, I just—”

“No, no. Don’t say sorry. It’s okay,” Eddie reassured. “Are you okay?”

Buck uncovered his face, looked up at Eddie, and shook his head. “N-not really.” He sniffled, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. “I mean, I’ll be okay. I am okay, but I’m—”

“Not okay?” Eddie finished for him.

Buck’s chin shook. “Not okay,” he echoed.

Eddie shifted over in the bed and patted the empty space. “Get over here.”

Buck climbed onto the bed with Eddie, plastering himself to his husband's left side. He tucked his face into the crook of Eddie’s neck and breathed in his scent.

Eddie lifted his arm, resting his hand on the small of Buck’s back. He brushed his thumb back and forth. “What’s going on, baby?”

Buck inhaled sharply, trying to catch his breath. “We almost lost you, Eddie. We — all of us, w-we almost lost you and I felt like I was never going to live again. Watching you with Chris tonight just made me a little emotional.”

Buck heard Eddie’s breath hitch. “Evan…”

Now that he’d started, he couldn’t stop.

“It was seven days after you were hurt. Seven days and Dr. Torrez s-said that she didn’t think you’d recover.” Buck gasped, his breath coming out ragged and choked. “I g-gave you permission, Eddie. I — I g-gave you…” he trailed off, unable to continue.

“Oh, baby,” Eddie whispered. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, my sweet Evan.” He rubbed his hand in slow, mindless circles over Buck’s back. “I can’t imagine how awful it was.”

“It’s not your fault, Eddie,” Buck muttered. “It was a dumbass kid’s fault.”

Eddie stiffened. “What?”

“Athena told me it was a fifteen year old boy. His dad didn’t have his gun secured properly and he wanted to show his friends.” Red, hot anger started bubbling in Buck’s stomach. “You — you almost died because of a reckless father who didn’t secure his gun and a stupid kid that should’ve never been able to get his hands on it.”

“He’s a kid, Buck,” Eddie said gently. “It was an accident.”

“An accident that nearly cost you your life!” Buck exclaimed, pushing himself upright so he could look down at Eddie. “One that nearly cost me my husband! Our children almost lost their dad! I thought I was going to be a single parent before our baby was even born, Eddie!”

Eddie’s face paled, making the dark circles under his eyes more vivid. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

“I gave you permission to leave, Eddie,” Buck continued. The fight was quickly draining out of him. “After Dr. Torrez talked to me and your parents, I sat in that fucking ICU room and told you that it was okay to stop fighting. That I would make sure our little strawberry knew how brave and how strong their Dad was. Do you — do you even know what that felt like?”

Eddie swallowed hard. He shook his head. His eyes were glassy with unshed tears.

“It felt like I was being ripped in half, Eddie.” Fresh tears welled in his eyes and slipped down his cheeks. “It felt like someone had reached inside of my chest and ripped my heart right out. I can’t—” Buck’s voice broke. He pressed the palm of his hand over his mouth, trying to get control of his breath. “I can’t lose you. I can’t do this without you. I don’t want to do this without you.”

Eddie reached his hand out, grabbing Buck’s with such a fierce, tight grip that his knuckles turned white. “I’m here, baby. I’m right here. I’m still here.”

Buck nodded, a little quicker than he meant to. “I know. I know, sweetheart, and I am so grateful. So incredibly grateful. Because you promised me we’d have a family. That we’d get old together.” Buck brushed his thumb over Eddie’s wedding ring. “I want to see you with gray hair and wrinkles, Eddie. I think you’d be really, really pretty with gray hair and wrinkles.”

Eddie snorted. His tears finally slipped over his waterline, trailing slowly down his face. “You’re not allowed to flirt with me when you’re making me cry.”

Buck started to laugh. “I’m allowed to do whatever I want after what I went through.” His laugh turned into a sob. “I’m really happy you’re still here. And that Chris still has his dad. And our little strawberry will get to meet their strong, brave daddy.”

Eddie yanked Buck’s hand towards him, pulling him in. Buck shuffled on the mattress, scooting closer to him.

“I’m not going anywhere, baby,” Eddie said. He took his hand out of Buck’s and lifted it to rest on Buck’s cheek instead. “I am going to do everything in my power to stay with you and our family forever. I do want to grow old with you, my sweet Evan. I want an entire life with you. More than anything. So I’m not going anywhere.”

Buck surged forward, framing Eddie’s face with his hands and leaning in to press a bruising kiss to his mouth. It was uncoordinated, sloppy, and desperate, teeth clacking against teeth, but Buck didn’t care one bit.

After everything that had happened, it was the most beautiful kiss he’d ever shared with his husband.

____________________

The day had finally arrived.

Eddie was being discharged from the hospital.

He was finally going home.

Dr. Torrez came into his hospital room with a large packet of papers — follow-up appointments, care instructions for the gunshot wound, restrictions, medication lists.

Eddie sat on the edge of the bed, wrapped in one of Buck’s zip-up crew necks and a pair of sweatpants. His right arm was in a sling, keeping his shoulder stable and unmoving.

Buck stood beside him, listening intently to Dr. Torrez as she went over Eddie’s discharge instructions.

“You’re scheduled for follow-ups with cardiology and nephrology next week,” Dr. Torrez said. She flipped to a new page in the packet. “All of your prescriptions have been sent to your local pharmacy. A nurse will be around with all of the supplies you’ll need for your shoulder wound. Change the dressings once a day, keep it clean and dry. I’ve scheduled a follow-up with me in two weeks to see how it’s healing. If you notice any increasing redness, swelling, drainage, or worsening pain, please come in sooner than that.”

Buck nodded. “Got it. And what about PT and OT?”

“Eddie will continue outpatient PT with Kelly twice a week and OT with Ben once a week.” Dr. Torrez handed the stack of paperwork to Buck. “There’s a long list of restrictions in there somewhere. No driving until you’re cleared by me, no heavy lifting or strenuous activity. The obvious one, no work until you’re cleared by me, your cardiologist, and your nephrologist.”

Eddie groaned. “How long is that going to take?”

Buck swatted him with the packet of papers. “Don’t worry about that. It’ll take as long as it’ll take.”

Dr. Torrez nodded. “You’ve been through a lot, Eddie. Don’t rush this. It’s okay to slow down and take your time.”

“As long as my hot nurse doesn’t mind me getting bitchy sometimes,” Eddie teased, reaching over and poking Buck in the side. “I’m not a very good patient all the time.”

“You know I love when you get bitchy,” Buck quipped, grinning wide.

After signing all of his discharge paperwork, a nurse wheeled Eddie down to the hospital entrance. Buck pulled the Jeep around and carefully helped Eddie into the passenger seat.

Eddie sighed happily as he leaned back against the seat. “Take me home, Mr. Uber Driver.”

Buck snorted, putting the Jeep in drive and easing forward. “So, I’m a hot nurse and an Uber driver? Any other hats you want me to wear?”

“Mmm, maybe a personal chef while I’m laid up,” Eddie joked. He reached his hand over the gear shift and grabbed Buck’s, threading their fingers together. “And perhaps my at-home OT? I need help showering, you know.”

“I’m already very experienced at being your personal chef. And I also have a lot of experience showering with you, so I think I’ll be able to manage that.” Buck lifted Eddie’s hand and kissed the back of it without taking his eyes off the road. “I’ll do whatever you need me to do, sweetheart. Whatever hat you need me to wear, I’ll wear it.”

Eddie squeezed his hand. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Eddie.”

Eddie sighed happily. “So, who’s all at our house right now?”

Buck scrunched his eyebrows. “What’re you talking about?”

“C’mon, baby. I know there’s a celebratory welcome home party waiting for me,” Eddie said teasingly. “Was it your idea or Chris’s?”

Buck scoffed. “It was Chris’s idea and for the record, the welcome home party isn’t until this weekend. I figured you wouldn’t want to be overwhelmed on your first day home.”

Eddie laughed, then a huge yawn split his face. “My boys. I love you both so much.” His eyes drifted shut. “How did he react when you told him about the baby?”

Buck cleared his throat. “I…haven’t told anyone about the baby yet. Well, except for your sisters. And my sister. And Bobby. And my boss.”

“Wait, really?” Eddie asked. Buck could hear exhaustion starting to seep into his voice. “You didn’t tell Chris?”

“I didn’t want to tell him without you,” Buck murmured.

Eddie’s eyes turned shiny. “So I get to tell him he’s going to be a big brother? I get to see that smile on his face?”

Buck nodded, a watery grin tugging at his lips. “Yeah, sweetheart. You get to tell our boy he’s going to be a brother.”

The grin that took over Eddie’s face was the brightest, most beautiful thing Buck had ever seen.

After a stop at the pharmacy to pick up Eddie’s prescriptions, Buck drove them home. Eddie had fallen asleep by the time Buck parked at the pharmacy, soft little snores coming out of his parted lips.

Buck would never tell Eddie that he’d sat in the parking lot for nearly five minutes, just watching him sleep before he went into the building.

Now, as he pulled into the driveway of their home, Buck nearly burst into tears.

Eddie was home.

They were home.

Chris was inside with Tía Pepa and Abuela, waiting for them to get here. He’d already planned a movie night, even after Buck had warned him that Eddie would probably fall asleep two minutes into the movie.

A month ago, Buck thought he was losing everything. He thought his life was over.

Now, though, it felt like it was just beginning.

“Eds,” Buck murmured, setting a hand on Eddie’s shoulder and shaking him lightly. “We’re home.”

Eddie lifted his left hand, rubbing sleepily at his eyes. “Finally,” he mumbled, a lazy smile tugging at his lips. “Can’t wait to sleep next to you again.”

“It’s been pretty cold sleeping in our bed lately,” Buck murmured. He leaned over the center console and pressed a kiss to Eddie’s cheek. “Welcome home, sweetheart.”

“I love you, baby.” Eddie turned his head and captured Buck’s mouth. He kissed him so slow and so sweet that Buck could practically taste the love pouring out of him.

“I love you too, sweetheart.” Buck kissed him one, two, three more times just because he could.

Because he was still able to.

The front door flew open. Chris ran outside with a huge grin on his face. “Dad! You’re home! You’re finally home!”

And as Eddie started to laugh through the tears that fell down his face, Buck felt something finally settle in him.

For the first time in a month, Buck felt a sense of calm wash over him.

They had time.

They were here.

They got to raise a family together. They got to have beach days and lazy mornings and family vacations together. They’d get to see Christopher move up to fifth-grade together. They got to bring their little strawberry home together. They got to have sleepless nights and diaper changes and teething together.

They still got to have a life together.