Work Text:
Her visits to Anastasya were, like many other things in her life, all due to her whims. Rhinedottir was a woman who did as she pleased. When she had boredom to quell and time to spare, it only seemed fit to visit the one sovereign that had captured her affection. No matter how much Naberius had to say about it.
Rhinedottir was surprised to find the woman like this this evening; seated in front of three paintings in her bedroom. Her hair was undone, cascading over her back, and she was in her night gown, all but ready for bed. For some reason, the sight of the Tsaritsa seated in front of an easel felt all too familiar to her.
“Trying your hand at painting, Anastasya?” The Tsaritsa looked over at where she approached leisurely. Their meetings had become so commonplace she wasn’t surprised in the slightest. She turned back to the painting in front of her as Rhinedottir made it to her side.
“No. I had that famed Traveler bring these to me. I wished to see myself through the eyes of my people.” She paused for a moment, Rhinedottir watching her carefully. “I’ve come to discover they all see me quite differently. I didn’t have the heart to only pick one so I decided to keep them all.”
The blond finally turned to give the paintings her full attention. She personally preferred a different kind of art, but the beauty of creations like this weren’t lost on a woman with taste as immaculate as hers.
“I see. I find the one in the center suits you best. Something about spring time does bring out your beauty exceptionally well, perhaps its the simple fact that Sneznaya only ever sees winters. A change of scenery does do wonders for you. But these other two aren’t bad. One is vastly imposing and the other… Heh. Not as much.”
“Do you consider yourself a good painter, Rhinedottir?”
Rhinedottir thought for a moment. “Hm. If you’re asking if I can whip up a portrait of you, the most I can do is fabricate one off of an alchemy table. I’m not sure that’s exactly what you had in mind. While life can be a form of art, for all of my talents, I don’t think I would be able to recreate it on a canvas like this.”
“I see. That is unfortunate.”
Rhinedottir blinked, a lightbulb going off in her head, almost making her entire self glow outwardly in her excitement. “Ah, I know.” She looked at Anastasya. “If it’s a portrait you want, I can have Albedo paint you the finest one.”
The Tsaritsa blinked. That was a name she was not familiar with. “Albedo?” she asked.
“My son,” was Rhinedottir’s reply.
She hadn’t expected those words to change her mood so suddenly. A tight feeling emerged in her chest. But she could forget about identifying it. It came from a strange, unknown place and a part of her was… afraid to acknowledge it. So all she could do was avoid Rhinedottir’s gaze, turning back to the painting in front of her.
“...Oh. I… forgot. You mentioned it briefly, didn’t you. …That you were a mother too.”
A shine took the Shade’s heterochromatic irises. She noticed Anastasya’s shift in mood immediately. Normally in situations where Rhinedottir found herself on a negotiating side, she would take full advantage of the small inch given to her by her opponent. Today there were no negotiations to have with the cryo sovereign, but the thought to tease and test the waters seemed quite amusing. Unlike Anastasya, she had an inkling as to why the woman felt the way she did.
She took slow steps until she was behind where the Tsaritsa was seated. Then slowly, just like the day they had met, she raised her hand and placed it atop her shoulder and lingered.
“...Now, why do you look so disappointed, my dear Anastasya?
The Tsaritsa blinked. She didn’t even realize she had been in a daze until Rhinedottir’s touch had broken her out of it.
“...I… I do?”
“Haha, I’m only teasing.” She needn’t push the woman any further for the moment. She let her fingertips trail along as she walked away, the warm touch slowly vanishing from Anastasya’s body as Rhinedottir meandered into the rest of the room. She turned her thoughts back to Albedo and realized she had a lot to say about her protege. She blinked slowly, a fondness taking shape in her eyes.
“I fashioned him from a piece of chalk. …After many failures.” Anastasya’s eyes widened slightly as she listened. “He doesn’t have a second parent.”
She stopped in front of a vase of white flowers, sitting on one of the many dressers in Her Majesty’s room. Flowers. These too reminded her of him. She hadn’t ever actually stopped to wonder. Did she miss him, even without knowing how much he longed to see her again?
“…At times, I wonder if he can even consider me one. …My pursuit of wisdom is quite precious to me as you can surmise. I’ve come to terms long ago that I am a person who would give up many things in that pursuit, the lack of my humanity is stark evidence of that fact. …So to leave him behind, with only a letter, a book, and a final examination, I can’t help but wonder if a part of him would ever come to resent me, as so many already do. Even if he were to keep such a fact from me.”
She appreciated Anastasya’s silence. She need not be judged in this vulnerable moment when it seemed the one passing judgement on herself was herself. But she also understood how strange it must be for the cryo sovereign to see her in such a state. A higher being humoring something as human as self doubt? The irony was laughable.
Rhinedottir shook her head, an awkward smile taking her face as her gaze remained on the flowers. “These thoughts are unbecoming of a Shade. For the Ruler of Life to be thinking such things… But even I cannot deny they persist all the same. Perhaps… it is what remains of what I once called human.”
“I’m sure he does.”
Rhinedottir’s eyes widened. She finally turned to look at Anastasya who had gathered her thoughts on the matter enough to speak. While her eyes were still trained straight ahead at her portrait, the warmth in her words were undeniable. “Regardless of who he is, I’m sure he knows that had it not been for you, the life he calls his own wouldn’t have been his to begin with. For that, I’m sure he’s grateful…”
Color her gold and surprised. The Ruler of Life being comforted by the cold and unfeeling Tsaritsa of Sneznaya? Naberius was no doubt cackling in the dark recesses of her mind somewhere by her lonesome at the fact.
“...Is that right.” She supposed she should take it. And she couldn’t deny it, to hear the words said did bring her comfort. She knew Anastasya would know better than anyone. Even if her memories were no longer there, the lingering warmth and ever persisting love of a mother toward her son could never truly vanish.
She turned back to Anastasya, leaving the flowers behind. “He’s an excellent painter, entirely self taught. And a very bright boy. I’m sure it would only take one conversation for him to understand your assignment, and produce a masterful portrait. I’ll bring him here one day, when I have the chance to meet him again.” Rhinedottir stopped at her side.
Anastasya finally turned to her and the softest of smiles played on her face. “I’d like that.”
That soft gentle gaze and those eyes. For a second, Rhinedottir believed she could get lost in them. If only she was still human.
“What about you, Anastasya?”
“Hm?” She’d caught the woman by surprise yet again.
“I’m rather curious.” The Tsaritsa’s heart nearly leapt out of her chest as the Shade leaned over so their faces were inches away, the woman looking into her eyes like she could so easily take her apart. No doubt she would, for her beloved research. And maybe Anastasya would let her. Those blue and gold irises were so enchanting after all. “How do I make you feel?”
A moment of silence. And then trace amounts of blood rushed to her face, as much as she tried to hide it. “A rather forward question coming from you.”
“I’ve already told you that you intrigued me. I’m simply asking for your part in this exchange of ours. Wasn’t it you who wanted to do fair dealings with me? As things stand, you owe me. Her Royal Majesty of Sneznaya can’t have that, can she.” Rhinedottir let the silence sit and wait. Anastasya could take all the time she needed. She wanted to hear them, from her beautiful lips.
“...I’m afraid I have nothing to tell you.”
“I see.”
“... I - “
“Wish to show me instead. Is that right?” Jackpot. This moment of triumph nearly reminded her of when she had fabricated her first successful human. The way Anastasya looked into her eyes had changed so much from the day they had chewed each other out in that private meeting in the cage of the gnoses. She had first seen them fierce and defiant, yet now she stood, gazing into the gentle irises reflecting the fondness in her own eyes as well. If this road was destined for ruin, they would surely still take it.
Rhinedottir moved first, pressing her lips firmly against Anastasya’s own. It was the Tsaritsa who reached up to cup her face in her hands and pull her ever closer. No space to spare, no warmth to let escape, no desire to leave unchecked. On this road to ruin, let us blaspheme together.
“What on earth are you doing, dear Rhinedottir?”
“What I do best. Indulging, dear Naberius.”