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English
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Published:
2024-10-01
Updated:
2025-02-10
Words:
9,038
Chapters:
9/?
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130
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7,217

lucifer regrets a lot of things. this is one of them

Chapter 9: why so penis -the jaker

Notes:

i heard your pleas and graced you. pretend that i totally didn’t forget to update this in 4 months even tho this chapter has been sitting in my notes the entire time

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

 

[ we need to talk. ]

 

Velvette at 5:58pm

it’s so dark

and so cold 💔💔

 

angie at 6:00pm

its like a million degrees out rn how r u cold

hell is HOT

 

Velvette at 6:01pm

so NOT. the point

 

angie at 6:02pm

ok dam sorry

 

Velvette at 6:04pm

i feel as if i’m in the ancient times

no light to guide me

brother shall we warm by the fire??

 

angie at 6:05pm

r u fucking role playing rn 😭😭

 

Velvette at 6:07pm

yes

you have scarlet fever

 

angie at 6:06pm

alr

[ angie sent a voice recording ]

[ VERY OBNOXIOUS COUGHING NOISES ]

 

Velvette at 6:07pm

EW WTF

 

angie at 6:07pm

im a method actor

 

allie at 6:08pm

You sure do something that starts with “Meth”!

 

angie at 6:09pm

ok so that was UNCVALED for

 

allie at 6:10pm

Was I wrong?

 

angie at 6:11pm

yes actually i’ve been sober for liek

2 months

 

allie at 6:12pm

Oh, so you don’t need the stash that I found behind the mugs?

 

angie at 6:13pm

well i never said THAT

 

allie at 6:14pm

Too bad!

 

angie at 6:15pm

damn :(

 

Velvette at 6:16pm

enuff abt angels drug addiction let’s talk abt me

i’m still dying

hypothermia is setting in

the wifi is down

this is a nightmare

 

angie at 6:17pm

L

 

Velvette at 6:18pm

i hope you die

violently

 

angie at 6:19pm

girl

i alrdy DID

 

Velvette at 6:19pm

OH UEAH KMAO

u kno sometimes i forget abt that

liek

we’re all fuckin dead wtf

the blazing heat ain’t a summer vacay we’re in HELL

 

luci at 6:20pm

no i get that

but mostly in the fact that i’m not fuckin human and i forger that u guys r

 

Velvette at 6:21pm

JESUS CHRIST

i forgot u we’re here king

literal king

your majesty?

 

luci at 6:22pm

lucifer is fine lol

 

Velvette at 6:23pm

i’m sooo normal about that

 

luci at 6:25pm

…ok?

 

allie at 6:26pm

Velvette, what’s the status on the picture box?

 

Velvette at 6:26pm

awwee u care??

 

allie at 6:27pm

I care about the integrity of our electricity.

I don’t trust Niffty around the candles.

 

luci at 6:28pm

she’s already tried to light him on fire

and the curtains but that wasn’t as funnt

 

Velvette at 6:29pm

i actully hav no idea where vox is

he stirmed out after the power cut

uhhhh

every1 is fockingone

hel

p

 

luci at 6:30pm

sweetie wdym everyone’s gone?

 

angie at 6:31pm

GOD dad

don’t father my frinds

 

luci at 6:32pm

i’ll think abt it :)

 

angie at 6:33pm

first cherri

now vel

what has the world cum 2 </33

 

Velvette at 6:37pm

how have i never notied the tower looks terrifing in the dark

this blows

and NAWT in the gud way

oh my god i’m tweaking

i’m tweaking

THERES NO ONE HERE AND GHE WALLS R BREATHING

 

angie at 6:38pm

HUH????

 

Velvette at 6:39pm

there’s not a living fucking soul

 

allie at 6:41pm

I hate lowering myself to such easy jokes like Lucifer

But are there normally living souls?

 

luci at 6:43pm

i will fucking kill you

 

angie at 6:44pm

you mean fuck him?

cuz ur gay

 

allie at 6:44pm

No.

 

luci at 6:44pm

no.

 

Velvette at 6:45pm

@Vox yo where tf did u guys go

 

Vox at 6:48pm

he’s busy 👅👅👅

 

Velvette at 6:50pm

ok so i regret that

im assuming theyr having say gex

 

angie at 6:51pm

EW WHAT

 

luci at 6:52pm

alastor SHUDDEREd

he’s out his phone down i think hs contempltingwhis entire existence

 

Velvette at 6:53pm

i think this place is haunted

like asf

or mybe i’m just hearing shit but oml

 

angie at 6:57pm

yo u wann ccome over

i asked charlie and she said itwas ok

well i asked her and then she asked al bcuz we all know hes rlly in charge around here even if we pretnd he isnt

 

Velvette at 6:58pm

ho legit????

 

angie at 7:00pm

fuck ya

slumberpartyyyyyyy

the jaker

wiat fuck wrong picture

 

Velvette at 7:01pm

LMAO

wait how tf do i get der

vox or val drive me places

or one of the drivers

but every1s GONE

 

luci at 7:03pm

On My Way!

omw**

i fucking hate my phone

──────────

Velvette at 7:32pm

tbh i was epxevting something dramatic like a limo

this car is jank asf

i feel like it’s gonna dive off the side of the road

OH MY HOD HE JUST RAN INTO SOMEONE WHLEP

 

angie at 7:35pm

LOLLLLLLL

Notes:

idk if u can tell but i like velvette

Notes:

wrote this between the chapters of my other fics cuz one gets sick of angst and seriousness all the time. sometimes you need to write stupid shit.

also the lack of chat fics in this fandom is a CRIME. this is the shit that holds a fandom TOGETHER MAN. get ur shit straight and make chat aus PLZ i’ve only found TWO GOOD ONES ON GOD BRO